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Insider Secrets: The Truth About "Old Money" Style and Breaking Into Elite Circles

As someone close to to “old money” and “new money” in Europe, I’ve learned a few secrets that I can share with you, especially if you’re trying to navigate these circles.

The trend of “old money” or “quiet luxury” style is everywhere these days. Ladies are flocking to this understated, elegant look, thinking it’s the golden ticket to penetrate old money/HNWI social circles, often driven by the hope of hypergamy.

But here’s the thing—while the allure of quiet luxury is understandable, it’s not as simple as wearing Loro Piana knits or perfectly tailored blazers.

Let me be clear:

Old money, or any big money really, isn’t just about how you dress. I’ve seen multimillionaires in torn, frayed jeans at professional events, looking like they couldn’t care less about fashion (or etiquette). Of course, I’ve also seen others in bespoke suits from Savile Row and Milanese tailors.

The common thread? Rich people wear what they want, without a second thought about how others perceive them.

Yes, brands like Loro Piana, Hermès, and Brunello Cucinelli are often associated with old money due to their quality and timeless appeal. But simply buying these pieces doesn’t grant you access to elite circles.

I’ve met women who dress head-to-toe in the latest “quiet luxury” trend—neutral cashmere, silk blouses, simple gold jewelry—yet they stand out as outsiders almost immediately.

Why?

Because it’s not about the clothes. It’s about your worldliness, your experiences, and your confidence.

Being in these circles is more about where you’ve studied, what you’ve accomplished, and where you’ve been—both geographically and culturally.

It’s the woman who spent a summer sailing the Mediterranean, the one who effortlessly converses about art, politics, and global events, or the one who knows the hidden gems in every European city because she’s lived there.

That’s what sets you apart.

Old money recognizes old money not by brands but by behaviors, experiences, and subtle cues that can’t be bought off a rack.

Wearing a Loro Piana coat (or a dupe) won’t compensate for not knowing which fork to use at a formal dinner, or being out of place in a conversation about the latest Sotheby’s auction.

Additionally, these circles are small and everyone has known each other forever. That isn't to say newcomers can't establish connections with rich people. You simply won't be seen as “one of them”, ie a person who has enjoyed the same privileges from birth.

If you really want to fit in with HNWIs, focus less on the wardrobe and more on the experiences that shape who you are.

Travel, educate yourself, cultivate diverse friendships, and engage with the world in a way that enriches you. That’s where the real currency lies.

In the end, the most important lesson is this: rich people are not a monolith. Some care about fashion and brands; many do not. What they often do care about is authenticity, and no amount of “quiet luxury” can substitute for that.

So next time you’re thinking of investing in that perfectly understated designer piece, ask yourself if it’s really what you need—or if there’s another way to truly cultivate the essence of the life you aspire to.

Stay savvy, stay genuine.

do you see a lot of obvious hypergamy in your circles?

My experience with “Old money”& “New money” in Europe and England 🇬🇧🇪🇺🏛️💰

Europe 🍷📚💼

I come from a young country, so there is no “old money” circle to speak of in the sense of wealth spanning several generations of a family. All money here is relatively recent.

Older HNWIs (my parents' generation) mostly married people from the social circles they grew up in—uni or friends—and they usually became wealthy together. It's also the story of my parents.

In the older generation, I know a few hypergamous couples. Usually, the woman is the second wife/partner to a wealthier older man after his divorce or becoming a widower.

The children of this older generation are my age. Almost all of them are marrying people from the same background/social class. These people are mostly low key and hardworking.

No one is flashy in their everyday life, but you'll eventually find out about expensive cars, boats, yachts, watch collections, numerous properties they're renting out, vacation homes etc.

It's different with people who are the first generation of “new money”, usually self-made men in their 30s and 40s. In these couples who have just entered “new money” circles, I guess hypergamy is more frequent and obvious.

The aesthetic for women in this circle is different flavors of high maintenance. Everyone in this circle, men and women, enjoys showing off to some extent, expensive bags, watches, jewelry, cars, vacations, media appearances.

The “new money” people and children of HNWIs are like night and day, even though we're the same age.

The funny thing is that because pretty much everyone who's rich here made their money in business, these two social classes often intersect, working together as business partners. But socially, there's a very clear divide.

England 🏇🎻🍾

As for my experiences with “old money”, I was educated in England and still maintain ties there. England is populous so there's a huge variation of “new money”, and I won't get into that.

“Old money” English people can fly under the radar of foreigners at first glance because they have all those funny unspoken rules that new stuff and mainstream status symbols are gauche (eg. furniture, electronics, Birkins). Their residences are likely to be falling apart. This is perceived as "character" and "charm" in England.

But then you learn about their niche hobbies such as flying internationally regularly to watch their favorite sports team's matches, hunting in African countries, funding random vanity projects to keep their wayward kids out of trouble (they all give up in a year), and traveling between their various estates to just chill.

I enjoy visiting my English “old money” contacts, they are polite and generous, they can be genuinely sweet. But it's also obvious that they won't ever consider outsiders part of their circle, thus making hypergamy all the more challenging. You don't "network" with these people, the circle is closed.

There's this persistent, slightly sour undercurrent that collectively, they're not taking you seriously at all. Social class is set in stone in England, you don't transcend your station in life no matter how rich you become or what family you marry into.

I detected this undercurrent quite early when I moved to England and it put me off trying to get closer to them in whatever capacity. I didn't feel that it was worth it because I already have money. Hypergamy in this environment, taking into account the cons I sensed, wouldn't be a significant enough life upgrade for me. As an outsider, I could never be sure about their intentions.

Being easygoing and not nosy inadvertently turned out to be the right approach to keep lasting, if superficial connections with them.

There has been some interest of romantic/sexual nature on their side.

An anecdote I can share is once an older gentleman tried to set me up with his “tall and blonde” son. I already knew him well at that point but I still questioned his motive. I was young, sweet and naive, and at the time many wanted to take advantage of these qualities. Or maybe he genuinely thought well of me. Perhaps he wanted to test me, see what I'd do, for pure amusement. Who knows.