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being called boujee and high maintenance will always be a compliment.

A mood. A vibe. A mantra. A lifestyle.

Insider Secrets: The Truth About "Old Money" Style and Breaking Into Elite Circles

As someone close to to “old money” and “new money” in Europe, I’ve learned a few secrets that I can share with you, especially if you’re trying to navigate these circles.

The trend of “old money” or “quiet luxury” style is everywhere these days. Ladies are flocking to this understated, elegant look, thinking it’s the golden ticket to penetrate old money/HNWI social circles, often driven by the hope of hypergamy.

But here’s the thing—while the allure of quiet luxury is understandable, it’s not as simple as wearing Loro Piana knits or perfectly tailored blazers.

Let me be clear:

Old money, or any big money really, isn’t just about how you dress. I’ve seen multimillionaires in torn, frayed jeans at professional events, looking like they couldn’t care less about fashion (or etiquette). Of course, I’ve also seen others in bespoke suits from Savile Row and Milanese tailors.

The common thread? Rich people wear what they want, without a second thought about how others perceive them.

Yes, brands like Loro Piana, Hermès, and Brunello Cucinelli are often associated with old money due to their quality and timeless appeal. But simply buying these pieces doesn’t grant you access to elite circles.

I’ve met women who dress head-to-toe in the latest “quiet luxury” trend—neutral cashmere, silk blouses, simple gold jewelry—yet they stand out as outsiders almost immediately.

Why?

Because it’s not about the clothes. It’s about your worldliness, your experiences, and your confidence.

Being in these circles is more about where you’ve studied, what you’ve accomplished, and where you’ve been—both geographically and culturally.

It’s the woman who spent a summer sailing the Mediterranean, the one who effortlessly converses about art, politics, and global events, or the one who knows the hidden gems in every European city because she’s lived there.

That’s what sets you apart.

Old money recognizes old money not by brands but by behaviors, experiences, and subtle cues that can’t be bought off a rack.

Wearing a Loro Piana coat (or a dupe) won’t compensate for not knowing which fork to use at a formal dinner, or being out of place in a conversation about the latest Sotheby’s auction.

Additionally, these circles are small and everyone has known each other forever. That isn't to say newcomers can't establish connections with rich people. You simply won't be seen as “one of them”, ie a person who has enjoyed the same privileges from birth.

If you really want to fit in with HNWIs, focus less on the wardrobe and more on the experiences that shape who you are.

Travel, educate yourself, cultivate diverse friendships, and engage with the world in a way that enriches you. That’s where the real currency lies.

In the end, the most important lesson is this: rich people are not a monolith. Some care about fashion and brands; many do not. What they often do care about is authenticity, and no amount of “quiet luxury” can substitute for that.

So next time you’re thinking of investing in that perfectly understated designer piece, ask yourself if it’s really what you need—or if there’s another way to truly cultivate the essence of the life you aspire to.

Stay savvy, stay genuine.

How to handle running into a former friend or ex that you’re not looking to reconnect with

Let’s talk about something we all face at some point: running into someone from your past that you’ve moved on from, whether it’s an old friend or a former lover.

You’ve done the work, you’ve grieved, and you’ve leveled up. You’re not interested in rehashing the past or rekindling that connection. But what happens when you bump into them in public?

Often when this happened to me, I found the other person missed me and wanted to spend time with me again - even when they had ghosted me. This made me uncomfortable. They had confused me, I had to grieve the loss of the relationship and now they want me again???

Believing I owed them an explanation due to happy times spent together, I let them drag me into pointless discussions to figure out what had gone wrong years ago.

Every time, I realized our connection had ended for a reason, and my explaining only opened up old wounds.

Don't do that.

Here’s how to handle encounters with former friends, lovers and foes like a boss:

1. Stay Calm and Composed

First things first—take a deep breath. You’ve already moved on emotionally, and this is just another moment in your day. You’ve got this.

2. Acknowledge Them Briefly

If you make eye contact, a simple “Hi” or “Hello” with a confident smile is more than enough. You’re showing that you’re mature, unbothered, and not holding any grudges. No need for deep dives into what happened.

3. Keep it Short

If they try to engage in small talk, go ahead and be polite, but keep it light and brief. A quick “It’s good to see you,” followed by a natural exit, sends the message that you’re not interested in going any deeper.

4. Graceful Exit Strategies

Sometimes, it’s best to have an escape plan. If the conversation starts to linger, here are some graceful ways to make your exit:

“I’d love to chat more, but I’m on a tight schedule today. Have a great day!”

“It’s nice seeing you, but I need to finish my shopping before I forget what I need.”

“I have to go; someone’s waiting for me. Take care!”

“Well, I should get going. It was nice running into you!”

“I’ll let you get back to your day. See you around!”

5. Don’t Feel the Need to Explain

If they try to bring up the past, it’s perfectly fine to deflect. A simple, “That was a long time ago, and I’m focused on the present now” will keep you from getting sucked into a conversation you’re not interested in. You’ve moved on, and your time and energy are precious.

It’s all about maintaining your peace of mind and protecting the progress you’ve made. You’ve leveled up, and you don’t need to revisit chapters you’ve already closed.

Stay polite, stay brief, and most importantly, stay focused on you. You’ve got bigger and better things to do! 💪✨

Why do I believe that I can't?

Lately, I've struggled with self-discipline and unhealthy habits. I asked myself: why do I believe that I can't?

Why do I believe that I cannot eat healthy, adhere to a schedule, and follow my exercise regimen?

Technically, I know I can: I used to do all this, and more. But in practice, I haven't been able to make myself reach the same heights.

So, why do I believe that I can't?

Maybe it's because I've let past failures weigh me down, convincing me that success is just out of reach. Maybe I've been too harsh with myself, letting negative self-talk dictate my actions—or lack thereof.

I compare myself to who I was at my peak or to others who seem to have it all together, and I feel like I fall short.

The fear of failing again looms large, making it easier to avoid trying altogether. Sometimes, it feels like perfection is the only acceptable outcome, and anything less means I shouldn't even bother.

It’s as if I’ve internalized every critical voice from my past, telling me I’m not good enough.

But here's the thing: I know these beliefs aren't truths—they're just stories I've been telling myself. And just like any story, they can be rewritten.

It’s not about being perfect; it’s about showing up, even when it’s hard. It’s about recognizing that setbacks don’t define me and that I have the power to challenge these thoughts.

I’m reminding myself that growth comes from the effort, not just the outcome.

I’m working on being kinder to myself, on breaking free from the fear of imperfection, and on celebrating small victories along the way.

Because deep down, I know I can do this. I’ve done it before, and I’ll do it again—one step, one choice at a time.

10 Conversation Topics to Create a Deep Connection

In my previous post about gatekeeping yourself, I outlined some conversation topics that make you seem open but actually reveal nothing important about your life and personality.

Sometimes, when you trust someone and want to build a deeper relationship with them, you want the opposite. Topics that reveal significant and personal information about your life tend to be more intimate and complex.

These topics are also more revealing. They can lead to deeper connections, but they also make you more vulnerable.

Sharing these details might give others deeper insight into your personality, values, and life circumstances. Here are some examples:

Family relationships: Discussing your relationships with family members, any family conflicts, or dynamics.

Financial situation: Talking about your income, debts, savings, or financial challenges.

Romantic relationships: Sharing details about your romantic life, relationship struggles, or future plans with a partner.

Health issues: Revealing personal or family health problems, mental health struggles, or past trauma.

Career challenges: Discussing difficulties or setbacks in your career, workplace conflicts, or future career plans.

Life goals and aspirations: Talking about your long-term goals, dreams, or the deeper reasons behind your choices in life.

Past failures or regrets: Opening up about mistakes you've made, things you regret, or failures that have impacted you significantly.

Personal beliefs and values: Sharing your core beliefs, religious views, political opinions, or moral values, especially if they’re deeply personal or controversial.

Significant life events: Discussing events that have had a major impact on your life, such as a divorce, death of a loved one, or a life-changing decision.

Inner thoughts and feelings: Expressing your deepest fears, anxieties, hopes, or emotional struggles.

Be careful and use these topics wisely - share them only with people you trust and feel comfortable with.

Remember, when in doubt, always gatekeep yourself. 🥀✨❤️

7 Subtle Ways People Try to Sabotage Young Women

In my teens and twenties, people often told me I'd look great with short hair or suggested I buy clothing that didn't suit my figure, age, or personal style.

Their unsolicited "advice" confused me. For the longest time, I thought, why would you suggest this? Don't you have eyes in your head?

Oh, how young and naive I was.

Now, in my thirties, I know what all that poor unsolicited advice people dumped on me was about.

The point was to try to nerf my natural attractiveness and personality. That way, others who felt like they operated with less would look better in comparison.

Sabotage, especially subtle sabotage, can come in many forms. It's often disguised as advice or concern.

These are the most common ways people, intentionally or not, try to undermine young women.

Take the following "advice" with a grain of salt, even if coming from a close person.

🔪1. Appearance-Based Sabotage

Hair and makeup: Telling you to cut your hair shorter or wear less makeup, implying that you should be "less high-maintenance" or that natural looks are "more professional," when in reality, they may be trying to diminish your confidence or attractiveness.

Clothing: Suggesting you wear baggy or unflattering clothes under the guise of being "more comfortable" or "modest," which could be a way to make you appear less confident or attractive. Also suggesting clothing that ages you unnecessarily.

Body shaming: Making comments that subtly criticize your body, such as implying you should lose or gain weight, which can undermine your self-esteem.

🔪2. Career and Ambition Sabotage

Downplaying achievements: Minimizing your successes or implying they are due to luck rather than your skills, which can erode your confidence in your abilities.

Discouraging ambition: Telling you to be "realistic" or not aim too high, suggesting that you should settle for less in your career or personal goals.

"Nice girl" syndrome: Advising you to be more agreeable or not to assert yourself too much, as it might make you "unlikable" or "bossy," which can inhibit your leadership potential.

🔪3. Relationship Sabotage

Undermining relationships: Suggesting that you are "too picky" or should settle in your relationships, which can lead to accepting less from a partner than you deserve.

Toxic advice on boundaries: Encouraging you to ignore red flags or be more accommodating in relationships, which can lead to unhealthy dynamics.

🔪4. Emotional and Mental Sabotage

Gaslighting: Making you question your reality or decisions, leading to self-doubt.

Playing the victim: Acting hurt or upset when you succeed or make decisions for yourself, making you feel guilty for your achievements.

Competitive undermining: Subtly competing with you in a way that makes you feel less than, such as constantly comparing themselves to you or highlighting your flaws.

🔪5. Social and Networking Sabotage

Isolation: Encouraging you to distance yourself from certain people or networks that could be beneficial to you, under the guise of protecting you from "bad influences." When in reality these very people or networks could help you succeed in your career/school or lead to other opportunities to advance.

Gatekeeping: Withholding information, contacts, or opportunities that could help you advance, while pretending to be supportive.

🔪6. Critiquing Your Personality

Labeling assertiveness as aggression: Calling you "aggressive" or "too much" when you stand up for yourself, which can push you to be more passive.

Mocking your passions: Dismissing your hobbies or interests as childish or unimportant, which can make you doubt your own preferences and values.

🔪7. Advice to Conform

Encouraging compliance: Advising you to fit in or conform to certain norms, especially if those norms are limiting or don't align with your true self. (This is different from fitting in in environments where a certain level of professionalism is needed)

Discouraging uniqueness: Telling you that certain behaviors or styles are "too out there" or "not ladylike," pushing you to suppress your individuality.

Recognizing these behaviors is important so that you can protect yourself on time, i.e. before others manipulate you into making a choice that does you no favors.

Trusting your instincts, maintaining a strong sense of self, and surrounding yourself with genuinely supportive people can help you nip these negative influences in the bud.

What advice would you give to someone struggling to find their path in their 30s?

Off the top of my head ...

Make a realistic assessment of yourself.

Your personal pros and cons. You need to center what you're good at, but you also need to pursue difficult goals and projects that you are not yet good at. Otherwise you'll never improve or learn anything new.

Let your childhood dreams guide you.

I wanted to be a writer as a little girl. Writing is now a big part of my job, but child me had creative writing in mind, so I now pursue this too in my spare time and I feel fulfilled.

Be decisive and move fast.

Timing is everything. When you make a decision, you need to execute as soon as possible, preferably immediately. If you don't, in a few weeks or months you'll cool down on the idea. Your circumstances will have changed, potential collaborators will get swept up in other stuff, etc. You'll give up and never do it. So just do it asap.

Pink Pilates Princess 🤍🧘🏾‍♀️

Pink Pilates Princess 🤍🧘🏾‍♀️

Tips For Marrying Properly Part 1

Never be a stay at home girlfriend:

This is just wasting time you could spend leveling up, networking building a beautiful resume, learning new skills and generally creating yourself and your ideal lifestyle.

The online poster girl for being a sahgf went from being in a villa to a studio apartment.

All it is, is performing labour for a man with no personal tangible benefits.

The stay at home girlies think they're spoiled but I've seen corporate girls be provided for with more luxury and rest than the girls claiming to rest in their femininity.

It is not like being a housewife ( which is a comparatively better option than being a stay at home gf), it is not traditional and upon relationship breakdown the woman receives generally nothing but stress and wasted labour.

Staying home as a woman is no joke and requires so much preparation and effort to avoid getting screwed over.

Some have argued that receiving room and board justifies being a stay at home gf but even the exploited slaves on the plantations of my native country received room and board and if you date the right men while working you'd still be getting the princess treatment so claiming that a trip to bali or miami and a birkin justifies wasting your life as a bang-maid does not compute.

I understand that the girls are tired and burnt out and want to be cared for but it is a thankless job that seldom leads to marriage which is the actual goal.

The actual 'trophy wives' work while single and date to marry, then stay home for a year or two with their husband's new legacy before going right back to their goals.

I have so much respect for women who like homemaking and I hate to see them exploited while getting scammed into thinking they're the ones benefitting.

Please learn from the mistakes of others.

Bisous, LuxuryLegalPrincess

Things Every Young Woman needs for Her Level Up.

A solid plan: No you can't harass tumblr blogs and ask them to plan your life for you and hold your hand through it, no you can't use social media as inspo (yes including pinterest) , no you don't need special journals or stationary. Get a google doc and open it up, make categories you want to see results in and get to work.

A good base : You have lovely healthy hair and nails which are shaped nicely, your body is healthy and toned with ''taken care of'' skin, Your face is lovely and skin is clear and glowing, you have good manners and treat strangers nicely. You eat a beauty enhancing diet that is personalized and it shows up on your general person.

A well-fed intellect: You read the classics and the contemporaries, you educate yourself on literature, you study hard not only in school but in life, you explore and learn new things and the only time you don't know what goes on in the world is when you simply don't want to.

Hobbies and interests that you can speak about with pride: You don't doomscroll. You embrace things that bring joy, you create and you spend your time in valuable ways. It could be ballet or archery, you could build computers or carve butter or translate manuscripts or you might be learning high Valyrian. Productive hobbies that feel good and you speak of them highly with no shame. You create more than you consume.

This is the Bare Minimum for a decent life and for anyone who wants to have more for themselves

Level Up Harsh truth

The harshest truth about productivity and leveling up is that you do not have time to be chronically online.

Let’s start with a simple calculation. You have 24 hours in a day, for peak cognitive function 9 of those must pass away in your bed leaving behind 15 hours which are then split into usually 8 hours of full time school or work and 7 hours free.

That 7 hours is all a person has for everything else, leveling up, fitness, study ( self led or otherwise), child or pet care or care for sick family members or whoever, socializing and whatever else.

There simply is no time for scrolling heavily without intention and that’s why successful people and well adjusted people seldom are chronically online and chronically online people are seldom well adjusted and successful.

Doom scrolling, hate watching, fandom discourse, consuming other people’s lives and arguing with people online is absolutely not worth my time because my time is precious and limited and will be spent on things that matter.

The mute,block and not interested buttons are my best friends in online spaces and it cannot be any other way.

Your life and goals must be more important to you than internet strangers if you intend to win.

People you do not know and love do not get to waste your attention and time (achieving their own ends and goals in the process) at the expense of you.

Overconsumption and hyper materialism will not save you or level you up

Do you know why stanley cups have millions of followers lining up to get them and why all the girlies are constantly lining up for the next pink item?

It’s the exact same reason ‘’that girl’’ finds on amazon sell out immediately.

Because these items promise them a feeling and state of being they don’t already have through marketing both intentionally and otherwise.

You’ll find that whatever ‘’aesthetic finds’’ you think you want aren’t really what you want.

What you want is what those items represent.

They are artifacts of being.

When you put the CEO of Target up a tax bracket to become ‘’that girl’’ what you really want is what you think she has.

Discipline,Good health with all the stereotypical markers of it, Good habits,Elegance, Financial stability and The ability to take your pick of everything and everyone.

You can’t buy the things you really want but you can develop them, and when you have them no one can take them away from you.

I’m not saying every purchase comes from having a void and a desire to own the qualities we observe in those that broadcast their ownership of these artifacts of being, but many of them are.

Buying everything in sight will not bring you closer to your goals and most of the people you admire started small and relied on improvisation and invention when they really felt like they absolutely needed a material item for their journey.

Spend your money on real investments: Education, Property, Stocks and High Quality Experiences

REINVENTING MYSELF-Femininity

Simply put, I don’t like the woman I am now. I am a manifestation of my parents neglect, insecurities rooted in me since a child, along with suppressed and very obvious trauma. I want to see better, I want to do better, I want to attract better.

In preparation for spring (the actual “New Year”) I am currently throwing away EVERYTHING and starting completely fresh. Clothes, wigs, sheets, I even thought about tossing my diploma not a soul asked me for (not even school, everything is electronic).

This is she, me. Anew

Personality

She is mysterious, yet has a welcoming aura about her. You know she’s not the woman to step to unless it’s worth her time, but intimidating isn’t the feeling that comes over the admirer. She’s playful, actively laughing and playing with her dogs. Publicly and privately. A hopeless romantic, though a seductress first. Her love (and lust) is earned. She’s very hard to get.

Hopeless Romantic

Adventurous

Rebellious

Creative

Bookworm

Athletic

Hobbies

She’s always trying something new to see if she finds something she likes. Fear of dislike is never on her mind. As a curious spirit, she not only has hobbies but works to advance and meet those who share the same hobbies as her

Art museums

Theatre

Cooking & making recipe books to pass down

Scrapbooking

Learning about nature (plants, Survival skills, history)

Baking (for anyone)

Chess

White Wine

Astrology

Teapot Collecting

Reading research articles

Boundaries

Again, she’s very hard to get. Hard to impress. Hard to convince. Hard to plead to. As warm as her aura may be, she’s very no nonsense. She is in tune with her inner voice and intuition, who are the first to advise her about whatever you’re telling her.

No sex before substantial financial/personal commitment

Limited debates, always held with class and even tone. Never arguments or fights

Not surrounding self around people who don’t share the same ambition

I come first. My safety, my priorities and myself, period.

No unannounced guests (gift deliveries excluded)

I don’t entertain conversations with men after a certain time

I am selective about what I choose to listen to, so I cut all unproductive/negative conversations very short

Goals

She is an “overachiever”. Whatever that means.

Purchase first property

Travel to 5th country

Obtaining black dermatologist

Selling select art pieces for over ($XX,XXX)

Approved for American Express Platinum Card

Accepted into Ph.D program

Complete first few books/scripts

Learn Spanish and ASL fluently

I went deep into depth privately, and I highly suggest you do the same. Sometimes, it helps to have an organized, detail breakdown of who you are, who you want to become, and most importantly who are you leaving behind.

$TufaniTalks