I Want A God - Tumblr Posts

Okay so like I’m a fallen angel right? That’s a thing.

I’m pretty sure my name was Onyx, and that I lost my wings (and by that I mean they were torn and ripped down to like a few inches off my back)

But like I want a god to “worship” idk if it’s just the angel urge to worship someone, but I want to be apart of a god’s following.

Not like in the angel way, even if I know that’s what I would have originally wanted, but more of in the way I want a god who is worshipped and that I can join the following but not be a “follower”

I don’t want to be holy or anything like that again. I do want a god, but not to worship. Just to have, and sometimes follow the rules. I want someone to follow and annoy because I won’t comply like angels should.

I lost my holiness long ago, and don’t care for it back. I want to playful piss of my god, and play pranks on the normal angels. I want to laugh and play with other fallens from the same following.

I want a community based on a god and the followers. I want people who I use to relate to, and people who I currently relate to. I went a home. I want the little of what’s left of my wings to be taken care of by my peers. I want to be home with others like me….

Man, what’s the point of having my wings if I can’t even feel they properly stretch out?! I can’t fly! They’re torn too much for them to fly.

:( I wish I could I miss flying, but my wings aren’t big enough anymore

Man am I glad I don’t remember my falling though. That’s gonna be a painful memory when it comes, but for now I think I’m fine with not knowing.

Holy shit I just realized why I’m so scared of heights.

I’ve had this fear since I was little. I’ve been scared of tall things for ever, and the thing was, “what if I fall off?”

What if I fall? What I I fall off and end up back down there?

Holy shit, I’m so scared of height cause I’m a fallen angel. It remind me of when I fell, even just a little.

I’m scared to experience falling again. I can’t fly, my wings are torn, and I won’t be able to save myself. I can’t save myself.

I love down there, but I don’t want to experience falling again. Even if it’s not actually sending me down there, that fear still stays with me.

Falling left so many emotions I can’t process as I don’t have the proper memories, but the fear hasn’t left. I don’t think it ever will….

Dude-