Im Not Lying - Tumblr Posts
imagine this
You're just a plain ol' (male) monk off on a pilgrimage with your three disciples (a guy, a pig guy, and a monkey guy)
You're heading to girl kingdom* on a boat and right before you enter, you and your pig disciple drink some water cause you're real thirsty, and then you go see the queen because you need her to stamp on your little stamp book before you can pass through girl kingdom*. So you go see her and she stares at you weirdly so you have to repeat your request like 5 times before she says anything, and she takes your stamp booky.
Suddenly you and your pig disciple feel piercing pain inside your stomach. The girls start laughing and ask if you drank the water just before entering.
So it turns out that water is PREGNANT WATER and now you (male) and your (male) pig disciple are pregante
So your monkey disciple has to go onto a mountain to get some un-pregnant water and you drink it and everything's fine!!!But then the queen decides she loves you and wants to marry you, but she won't stamp your little booky unless she thinks only your disciples will leave and you will stay, so you have to pretend to be in love with her
But then her servants take you to her bed chambers and she's seductively lying there on her side like Leia in that scene with Jabba the Hut and COERCES you into ALMOST having sex with her and breaking your monk path
UNTIL
a magic girl that used to play music for the queen teleports you away and into HER den where shes dressed even MORE seductively and plays music to hypnotize you (because she also loves you) and proceeds to try to RAPE you so your monkey disciple tries to save you but she uses her lazer eyes to fend him off so then your pig disciple tries to save you but lazer eyes go bzzzt and he has to be saved by some magic guy
Then a chicken goes cockadoodledoo and magic girlie screams and shrinks and it turns out she was a SCORPION SPIRIT all along (y'know, cuz chickens eat scorpions ig???) so then ms queen decides to set you free and let you leave with your disciples
ALL OF THIS ACTUALLY EXISTS in a chinese book called the monkey King, which was written in the 1500s and is considered a CLASSIC, with a tv show adaptation in the 80s and many more.
Yay.
*this is a literal translation from "女人国"
your monthly dose of bts : jeon jungkook
day 10 / 31 (cr. namuspromised)
other people: my grandparents met in this super cute way
me: my grandparents met after grandma slapped a woman in church
We're just a bunch of atom's that can think.
yoongi was fine, he still managed to keep his smile on his face before namjoon out loud shouting to fly together in 2017 and the dam finally broke he can’t hold his tears anymore 😢😢😢😢 (sugaonthebeat39)
SOMEONE HELP ME FIND THAT ONE VIDEO OF THAT GUY WHO HAS THE HARRY POTTER WAND AND THE REALLY EVIL SMILE WHO CAN MOVE HIS HAIRLINE UP AND DOWN BY WIGGLING HIS EYEBROWS
MY FAMILY THINKS I'M A LIAR
I'M NOT A LIAR PLS HELP
I'm gonna start doing photo therapy so I can finally start thinking of myself as a human (in a public sense) and stop hating my physical appearance and maybe actually learn how to document without destroying evidence of my existence.
🍋 will be an important part of this process ngl.
I am currently making two pieces of Banban literature
I am ill
probably best not to add that lmao
Nct as weird shit CJ has said
A/n: I am jobless and our of ideas lmao forgive me
Kun:
Yuta to Mark ig 🙄🤚
Mark, roblox noob
Kun, every time Ten, Yangyang or Chenle do smth
Credits to kyle @mirohtron maits @pearlgisa soph, jester, (ame)lia for being too iconic.
I keep a paddling pool and a gallon of baby oil on me at all times, don't worry I understand. We deserve to enjoy the goop.
What's up, nerd
Currently? Testing formulas for edible stage blood cause i need different kinds for different stage effects. and taking a break for soup.
Bakugo Fucking Katsuki
Katsuki arguing with someone : I’m Bakugo fucking Katsuki!
(Y/N) out of nowhere : And I'm fucking Bakugo Katsuki!
