Mindless Thoughts - Tumblr Posts

it's hard to write

i pretend i have a way with words but you're much better at that

i try to feel the words feel their anger their confusion but most of all

i try to hear their sorrow

maybe if i learn to listen

i can help

thing

i wish i was a thing

a real piece of art

i want to be something that somebody enjoyed making i want to be a thing i need to be a thing maybe some interesting art that she loves i want my artist to love her creation

the piece of art she made me

it's not my fault

i'll tell myself

but maybe i'm lying i seem to be good at that but how can it be my fault if i tried so hard maybe it really doesn't matter how much i try

i'll never be good enough for her

world view

i hope my words make sense to you

you're all that really matters

the words are weak and i don't get them you write with proper grammar no mistakes i try to copy you

to become you

i don't love anyone but you and saying that is such a lie but i wish it was true

i just want you to see me

2 see th@t ! p0ur 0ut my gut$ 4 u

maybe you're as disappointed as i am

Pour out

the world is weak and poor the more and more you think about it

i think and think until my brain is now completely empty but i think ive been thinking forever

the thinking never stops but that's okay i think

i think happy i think sad i think mad especially

i yell and get angry

i dont know why

all he said was hello

but is that really what Mr. Licorice said? that's what everyone heard

but i heard i hate you you you me

dont go Mr. Sour even though i yell please dont go Mr. Spider even though im mad at you please please dont go Mr. Flu

Please don't hurt my baby baby bird

leave my baby baby bird alone she hasn't done anything to harm your ego

if you are disturbed by my baby baby bird then come to me i will end your damn misery

come on im right here

ready to end you and tell you with bloodshot eyes and those twenty pills i popped that im not happy

when my fist flies at you it only hits smoke because youre blurry and i must have aimed wrong

gasoline boy

oh youre a big boy arent you?

big and strong? independent but i know that youre 20-something years old

you ghosted your family when you got fired rejection is tough

but did your little sister deserve that?

at least you showed up to her birthday but you dont know what she likes you had to ask her mom

you reek you disgust me but i love you regardless

at the end of the day i dont know what you like either because you left and never came back

enjoy your new job and your girlfriend and your dog

can you live without your family? probably with ease but i hope you struggle and regret

I dont know why im upset i dont even know who you are goodbye big brother

gargle and spit

i fucking hate you i spent hours on a something i actually fucking love

and you fucking destroyed it and now ill destroy everything you worked so damn hard to get

and call you every damn word

you slime, you piece of filth, youre worthless, wretched, horrid, vile, dreadful, sleaze, repulsive, and a vulgar display of absolute shit

you gorge yourself on anything that makes me happy

i hope youre fucking happy honey

happy birthday

:)

I want you boy

i want boy to see me but at the same time i dont i dont want to be perceived

being perceived by boy cant be bad if it was just boy i would be fine but its not and it never will be true

boy, call me if you can

boy, youre all i want all i need

boy, im hungry for you

boy, i hope you talk about me to your cool friends that i really like

im not feeling great today but my boy is always there even if he doesnt know it

🤡

i cant stop doing it i cant stop thinking either

i must be sick in the head with how much i wish i were dead

sometimes i feel okay but ever since this shit started repeating again

i just cant stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop youre so funny! do you love me?

yeah okay cool i guess

makes the world go round

im sorry that i cant play the violin its something i always wanted to learn

but i cant

im sorry that on that day i chose something that was convenient to

you

something that i liked but maybe more as a hobby it only ever stresses

me

but when did you care i guess you say you did but maybe think of your words and realize it, because this is something you always told me

"dont tell me you love me, show me"

but for Gods sake i cant remember the last time i felt like you loved me

maybe money was the problem this shit i dont even like was cheaper than playing violin

fuck the hate away

do you ever fucking notice

-how you always outdo me- { i feel insignificant and small // you were always smarter // even if people say youre not // youve always been better from the start // and i dont think you fucking know that // which makes it worse }

[i love you so much i really do but i envy you]

call me when you finally stop crying 💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧

i miss you and i know youre struggling but my big head wont let me care enough i try but maybe im selfish just like he told me i am

🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪

📞 me wen u 🛑 hurting **********

i want to hate you

but i dont

i want to ignore you

but i cant

i just want to normalize

calling you daddy

but now it's sexualized

because people are sick

and im not your little girl anymore

i dont know if i ever was

because its been far too long

since I called you daddy

and got a nice warm hug

and a sweet talk

that didnt involve

a lecture

and yelling

where are you these days?

mentally i mean

even though i see you almost everyday

i miss you daddy, and I hope you miss me too

frozen red and clear

ill fondle my skull play with my intestines carve the food out of my stomach fill my chest cavity with blood and bleach light a fire in my tear ducts pour drugs into my stomach and my lungs until my heart drowning in acid

ill play with my body parts that you cant see until you carve me open dig your hands inside and pull it all out blood covering your hands why do you cry when you see that my heart is no longer pulsing

my womb forever empty crying for a girl shell never be

ill run for miles and miles excrete everything out of me piss and shit tears and phlegm blood and bleach watch as i fall apart guts and bones

touch me in places you dont want anyone to know about

i want you more than health ive chased after skin and bones but you cant find me and you never will

because my body pulsates convulses shakes and seizures i throw it all up late at night sorry but i already ate

good boys dont scream at little girls

its hard for two inherently angry people to talk

its hard to have a conversation that makes sense and isnt interrupted by screaming and torn vocal cords the words are never coherent

my throat hurts and no its not because im sickly its because im angry and i dont know why

ill tear my throat out so i can show you what ive shown before

burnt torn and swollen the fire in my esophagus

ill continue burning with a passion because you cant stop me without asking whats wrong

sharks

as i find the one to believe in i was raised up by my Aunt to love thy neighbor

raised up by my mom to defend for myself dont trust anyone not even God

but i do i always have especially in my darkest shadows i find faith in someone i cant see it brings comfort and stability on this shakey raft

Leviticus 19:18

for the rats

i would write a book if i didnt feel so insignificant maybe just lost

i cried just thinking about what you would say

youd be nice you always were and always will be

but who am i asking? tell me its bad i want to get better but i cant if its just

"good"

maybe i need more metaphors maybe they need to be harder to understand maybe bigger smarter words

make a prettier poem behind the not so pretty poet

because i write and i write i read my poem like lightning fast fast fast

read my words quickly for me

thats the least you could do

colors in my thighs

the restricting feeling on my chest is so good i can barely breathe but its so good

running my hands down a smooth smooth surface crying quietly inside

"how do you feel?"

i feel more than i can explain

the pure joy is incomprehensible youll never understand but he will he understands

we become those who nurture us in our sleep

if she wants me to apologize it wont happen because im petty and so is she so our arguments and disagreements will just be swept under the bed with all the others to sit and collect dust with all the unspoken apologies and healing

i tried once let down my pride and my anger to say im sorry but she didnt care didnt accept it

so never again will i apologize to someone who is as petty as me

gold laced wood

ill keep a treasure box of all your words and kisses ill keep it forever and look at it when i miss you

which is pretty much always

ill put your little notes your gum wrapper hearts and all my thoughts of you into my stupid treasure box

thinking of you all the damn time god what did you do to me?? im a lovesick mess

mercury baby

youre just a kid smooth and pure

shining and deadly youll always be

why do you yell?

why do you yell at the hand that swaddles you?

you bite and scream and cry

like a baby

rough and calloused you wish to protect them but you cant baby

so stop dreaming and get out of your cradle and actually make a difference