Never Stop Making Magic - Tumblr Posts
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I feel stuck, between who I used to be and who I want to be.
It’s funny, I thought that I was better than the substance - I didn’t think I would get addicted in complete honesty. I thought I had full control.
I did. At first.. But somewhere along the ride, it was easier to jump in the passenger seat and let things unfold.
I feel very alone in my struggle. In the sense that it’s like I’m slowly waking up to my life as it has become in the last few years of full blown mindless addiction.
Addiction is lonely, but it’ll trick you into thinking you have all the friends in the world.
People don’t wait around for you to fix all your problems and finally start realizing your potential. They’ve got lives to live and shit to do!
The ones that do wait around, hold them so so close.
I’ve got a few irrational and unhelpful ruminating thoughts in my head. I’m actually trying to tell them “no”. It feels stupid, but in my head I literally have to go “This is not productive. I need more evidence for this thought. I will just worry about tangible problems in front of me and not be anxious until I need to be”
You know how lame I feel doing that? I just want to roll my eyes at myself. *rolls eyes*
But it’s also working. LIKE I AM DOING IT PEOPLE, I am rewiring the brain!! You’re seeing it live! Grab some popcorn and enjoy the show because I am about to evolve into someone really fucking great!!!
Feeling like I’m failing at everything or that I’m delusional or that I am going about this (life) all wrong. Worried constantly about what others think about me. Trying to be ~zen~ and trust in what I am doing.
Holding space for these feelings and carrying them with me while still living my life. Embracing that I won’t feel this way forever and that it’s normal to go through periods of doubt & insecurity.
What a concept!!!
Friendly reminder to myself - if you are spending all this time worrying about your life & yourself, imagine that everyone is probably doing the same about their lives and selves. They don’t have time to be thinking about that cringe comment I made!
An affirmation for me lately: I welcome however my life unfolds because I trust in my ability to be resilient, kind, and persevere.
Not everyone is going to like me and that’s okay too!!!! I am not less than!
Here’s a thought.. Maybe they’re the asshole?
Blah blah BLAH BLAH.
Each day is a new day. Some days are better and brighter. Some days, not so much. But each day is just one little piece of it all. And I want to live these days. At least for a little longer.