Not There Yet - Tumblr Posts
I have healed a great deal since my first post here. It is a relief that I have been able to make such progress, when, at the beginning, I was certain I was going to remain in my high-alert, traumatized state forever.
However that does make some flashbacks and other trauma symptoms a bit more jarring when they do appear. Some days you feel almost... normal? But something will take you back and remind you that you aren’t, and that you’ll never be completely “normal” again.
I was more accustomed to that notion when I was in the thick of the worst bits, and having such a disaster-brain all the time made me not have a “normal” to miss. But now, I have good days to mourn.
I feel spoiled for even posting this, especially when I read from people who are still in early healing days. But I guess that's further evidence of how we're not quite there yet.
I was off for a few months owing to covid. It was the first time I have taken an extended breath since I was a teenager.
It gave the trauma time to catch up to me. I feel it all. I am so damn tired.
me, working on my poly mismag fic: yeah it'd be nice if we had a slow burn into the polycule also me: jammer wants to kiss sam so badly right now it makes him look stupid