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Kruoo's Twins🍼

Tetsu Kruoo x Reader

⚠️ Warning ⚠️ sexual suggested talking, mention of swimmers (cum), dirty jokes,baby crying??, kissing?? (sorry if I missed anything 🥸)

Emi🩷 Kruoo's Daughter

Isamu🩵 Kruoo's Son

Tetsurō Kuroo likes to think and say his semen is SO strong if he was able to get you pregnant twice with one load (he he he maybe a 'couple' of loads)

"All I'm saying is my swimmers have to be pretty strong to get your sexy ass pregnant twice" Kruoo likes to state daily, slapping your hand to his forehead from behind him on the living room couch to shut him up

"Stop and don't call my babies 'your swimmers' " rolling your eyes playfully, walking towards your guys laundry room with the basket of your husband's and kids's clothes

"HEY their my babies too, you just did most of work" Tetsu expresses but whispers the last part

Putting down the laundry and walking back over to the back the couch this time slapping a fat kiss to your husband's forehead, bending down further to whisper in his ear

"Damn straight I did most of the work" kissing his ear next

"Damnnn your mommy hearing is way too good" turning his head to kiss your lips, chuckling in the kiss resulting in Kruoo to deepen the kiss, putting his hand on the back of your head to keep you there a little longer

"Ok ok I have to do the laundry now" backing away from the couch to start the laundry finally

"Orrr we could use this time while OUR babies are asleep and try for two more...oh or 3" snapping your neck to watch your husband crackle like a hyena worse then when you guys where in high because he's a father now

"ha ha. Very funny that you even think we're having more"

"WHATTTT you don't want my swimmers in you, YOU?" Tetsu asks flabbergastically

"Ew don't say that like that and no at least for a longggg while"

"Ah so u do want my swimmers just not now" Tetsu flipping your words just slightly

"Ew Tetsu"

Just like clock work you close the washing machine's lid and your little angel Isamu cries from the twins room, turning to your husband with begging eyes for him to get your babies

"Ok mamas I'll get our littler"

5 minutes later Kruoo comes back into the living with Isamu in his right arm and Emi in his left

"Awww there's my babies" giving them each a kiss on their cheeks

"Tetsu can you please put them in their chairs and get their bottles ready, there's already pre-pumped milk in the fridge" standing on your tippy toes to kiss his lips briefly, kissing you back as a way of saying 'yes of course'

You walk into the kitchen a few minutes later to find your husband still preparing the twins bottles "Need some help"

"No just taking a little longer"

Emi and Isamu chairs are facing away from you guys so the twins can hear you just can't see you which causes Isamu to start crying for your attention

"Aw it's okay Isa mama is right here and daddy is almost done with your bottle ok" walking over to your son cooing to him to try to calm him down, lightly pushing his hair out of his face to see his cute little baby face with teary eyes and wet cheeks

"Aw is your daddy's hair making it hard for you to see mommy" addressing your son then turning to your daughter "And you got daddy's bad eyes huh" bopping Emi's little nose

"Hey! I gave them good hair and eyes" he protests before going back to preparing the bottles

"Yeah good hair" you sarcastically said quietly to yourself and your son making his little face brighten up with a smile thinking your so funny with whatever you just said, smiling yourself and smothering his face with kisses and doing the same to your daughter Emi who also can't help but giggle at whatever you said resulting in the kitchen to fill with giggles while they wait for your husband and their father to finish, a few moments later "And done here you go my little milk gremlins" handing his son and his daughter they respective bottles and each a little kiss on the head

"Why do you choose to call your children such absurd names" narrowing your eyes at your husband

"They're not absurd they're cute, isn't that right my little swimmers" cooing to the twins while they ate

"Ew TETSU" punching him on the arm to express your disgust, Kruoo laughs at your poor punch and sour face and whenever Kruoo laughs around the twins they start giggling, your twins finding your husband's laugh humorous

"See they like it"

"They don't even know what you said they're just laughing because you're laughing" rolling your eyes playfully with a chuckle leaving your mouth at the same time not bothering to 'win' this battle

All in all your husband is a goofball as a friend, as a boyfriend, as a husband and now as a father

Baby Maker (lol):

https://picrew.me/en/image_maker/11529

(tanks for reading if u did, i don't really care if u liked it or not 💕💕)

𝓖𝓻𝓪𝓫 𝓪 𝓬𝓸𝓯𝓯𝓮𝓮 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓪 𝓫𝓸𝓸𝓴, 𝓵𝓮𝓽'𝓼 𝓬𝓾𝓻𝓵 𝓾𝓹 𝓫𝔂 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓯𝓲𝓻𝓮𝓹𝓵𝓪𝓬𝓮

(Keep scrolling for the master list) 𝑯𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒐 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑾𝒆𝒍𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒚 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒆. 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒄𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒎𝒆 𝑨𝒔𝒉𝒆 ^^ 𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝑰 𝒕𝒆𝒎𝒑𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉…𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒑𝒐𝒆𝒎𝒔? 𝒇𝒊𝒄𝒔? 𝒐𝒓 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒔 𝒘𝒆 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒌 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈

"ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴅꜱ ᴘʟᴀʏ ᴡᴇʟʟ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʏᴏᴜʀ ꜱᴛᴏʀʏ; ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ᴇᴀᴄʜ ꜱʏʟʟᴀʙʟᴇ ꜱᴏᴜɴᴅʟʏ ɴᴀʀʀᴀᴛᴇꜱ ᴏᴜʀ ᴜɴɪᴏɴ. ᴛʜᴇ ᴠᴏᴡᴇʟꜱ ʙᴏᴡ ᴀɴᴅ ᴀɴɴᴏᴜɴᴄᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ɴᴇᴡ ʙᴇɢɪɴɴɪɴɢꜱ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏɴꜱᴏɴᴀɴᴛꜱ ꜱɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴀʟʟᴀᴅ ᴏꜰ ᴏᴜʀ ᴍᴏᴍᴇɴᴛ"

𝑾𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒓𝒆𝒒𝒖𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒔 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒏💜 [𝑰 𝒂𝒎 𝒐𝒌𝒂𝒚 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒔𝒖𝒈𝒈𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒐𝒓 𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒌 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒈𝒐𝒓𝒚 𝒕𝒐𝒑𝒊𝒄𝒔]

𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓑𝓸𝓸𝓴𝓼𝓱𝓮𝓵𝓯~

(updated on 13th Sep'24)

1) 𝑫𝒆𝒈𝒓𝒆𝒆𝒔 𝑶𝒇 𝑳𝒆𝒘𝒅𝒊𝒕𝒚 𝑭𝒊𝒄𝒔

2) 𝒀𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝑫𝒊𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔

3) 14 𝑫𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒚𝒐𝒖

4) 𝑹𝒆𝒂𝒏𝒊𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝑯𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕

5) 𝑯𝒐𝒕 𝑲𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒆𝒓 𝑩𝒂𝒃𝒆𝒔

6) 𝑨𝒔𝒌𝒔/ 𝑹𝒆𝒒𝒖𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒔

𝑰𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒂𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒇𝒂𝒓, 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒌𝒔 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒑𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒃𝒚. 𝑰 𝒉𝒐𝒑𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒚, 𝑼𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒍 𝒏𝒆𝒙𝒕 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆~

Tag list-

#ashewrites📝 #mywords💜 #flâneur✨

#ashe’s mailbox📜 #tête à tête💜 #ashe’s journal🖌️

[ Side blog for reblogs- @flaneur002

All the follows will come from the main ]

Immortal Love (18+ Nsfw)

If you’re interested in stories like these my wattpad is KiaraiMarie :) soon writing “Nights In Heaven”. Not published yet! I’m still working on my grammar and spelling.

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I laid down on his bed, felt so cold on these sheets. They feel like real silk. I watched him unbutton his shirt. One by one, revealing his hairy chest. “Do you want to unbuckle my pants Maeve?” He asks me. I felt so nervous as I never done anything like this before, Ash could tell I felt off. His brown eyes turned red, he softly lifts my chin up. “A-are you a virgin?”

“Y-yes…” I said, he pauses for a moment. He moves my hair, “Do you want this? I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.” I nodded, “I do want you.” I could feel my face burn. God why am I so embarrassing, he shows me his fangs. “You don’t care I’m a monster?”

“You don’t scare me.” He smirks, he sunk his mouth to my neck. I could feel the pain, small streaks of blood pouring down staining my outfit. It felt like a huge knife was stabbing me, I could feel his breath create heat on my neck. He releases me, he wipes his mouth off. I felt kinda dizzy, “S-shit, that was delicious. Mhm.” He bit his wrist causing a huge wound, “Drink.” He says in a demanding voice, I decided to play around with him.

“What if I don’t?” I smiled, he grabs my throat and spreads my legs. “I’ll give you something to play around with.” He growls. I undressed myself and drank his blood, at first it was disgusting but then I felt something inside me building. My heart started to beat fast, my lungs holding more air inside. My nails seemed to slowly thicken, Ash unbuckled his pants and sat me on his lap.

“I see that it worked, your mortal scent is going away. I wanted you to become like me, I don’t want to see you die while I’m still forever living in this hell. You’ll be in pain for a few days once the transition progresses.”

He whispers in my ear, his hot breath hits the wound he made on my neck. “I’m going to slip my cock in, I want to hear you beg.” He pulls my hair back.

I can feel his hand go around my thigh to playing with my clit. I-I hate how he’s teasing me, I needed this man inside me already. I just knew it, “J-Just fucking go inside already…” stuttering my words. He lifts me up slightly to make some room for his cock to stand. I could feel his tip hit my entrance, Ash slowly lowers me. I twitch from the slight pain, he’s in. While still inside, we slowly switch over to doggystyle. He kisses my back, “You’re mine and I’m yours.”

This was something wonderful!  The soft and nice Mr. Hardy was amazing and it was. It was a pleasure to read it! Short and sweet!

Thank you for participating in our challenge. ~Panda Squad 🐼💖

DON'T YOU CRY NO MORE || TOM HARDY DRABBLE

Words: 612

Summary: you're a reporter who has to lead the interview with Tom Hardy and Riz Ahmed. Unfortunately, you mess the two actors because of the stress during live program. What's going to happen?

Author's note: I was participating in writing challenge hosted by @thepaperpanda and my prompt was no. 23.

The tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down my face. I feel the muscles of my chin tremble like a small child and I look toward the window, as if the light could soothe me. There is static in my head once more, the side effect of this constant fear, constant stress I live with. I hear my own sounds, like a distressed child, raw from the inside. It takes something out of me I didn't know I had left to give. That's the way it is when people are hard. It's like a theft of the spirit, an injury no other person can see. This day is awful, I think to myself as I sit on the marble stairs leading to the television studio. How could I have messed my guests during live program?!

It had to be a simple thing to me, an experienced reporter. I had to lead the interview with my two guests, one of them was Tom Hardy, when other one was Riz Ahmed, the two shining stars of Venom movie.

"Don't you cry no more."

I hear the strong, deep voice, very familiar to me and I lift my chin up and turn head around to see no one else but Tom Hardy himself standing right behind me, leaning casually against the wall.

I burst in tears again, waving hand at him. "I can explain," I say with trembling voice. "I was prepared, I really was, it's all because of my nerves, I don't know how did I do it, I'm so sorry, Mr Hardy," I tell him and dare to look him on the eye.

To my surprise he smiles at me, no signs of nerves on his face. He reaches to pocket in his jeans to pull his electronic cigarette and inhale the smoke. It smells nicely, I gotta say, vanilla and cinnamon. Next thing he does is taking a seat next to me on the marble stairs, he looks at the horizon with beautiful panorama of London. "Don't ya cry, girl. It's fine, ain't big deal," he says and pokes my shoulder. "Chin up, everyone makes mistakes. Ain't ya first, ain't ya last."

It makes me smile shyly and nod. "I know but I'm professional! I shouldn't let such mistakes to crawl in my work," I admit sadly.

Tom cocks his brows and bursts with deep laughter, which quickly turns into a cough. "Girl, if ya would only know how many mistakes I've done in my entire career...," man chuckles and winks at me. "Now, stop crying, take a deep breath, or two, and let's go back inside,

let's do a work." Then he gets up and dusts his jeans off, Tom also reaches hand to me.

I take it hesitantly and get up as well, I follow his advice and take a deep breath.

"You ready?," Hardy asks softly and opens heavy, metal door for me, pointing his head at the corridor inside. "C'mon."

A cold shiver run along my spine. "My supervisor will fire me for my mistake. It was live...," I remind him.

Hardy lets out a giggle. "No fucking way. Won't let this to happen, and I believe Riz won't let, too."

Eventually I smirk at Tom and get inside the building, holding my head up high. Having him on my side means the world to me.

We both get into to studio again, Tom sits in the comfy armchair next to Riz, who sends me a brief smile and I take my place as well. Then I look at the camera and give a nod to our operator. "Let's get the job done," I say.

The Woodchipper

[Revised on 5/27/2024]

Clyde arrived at his buddies’ place in the early evening. His truck bed was filled to the brim with liquor bottles.

“Hey, Clyde’s brought the booze!” Donnie shouted from the porch.

“Hell yeah.” Clyde pulled a bottle of vodka from a pile in the passenger seat.

Amadeus peeked out through the screen door. “Wow, what a truck!” He approved.

“Sixteen foot bed!” Clyde said. “Bought it off a sheikh.”

Donnie pulled a wheelbarrow through the front door, and they loaded the liquor into it.

Soon, empty bottles of liquor littered the floor. Amadeus hummed along to the old records Donnie was playing, between gulps of rum.

“You know, guys,” Donnie said, tossing a now empty bottle of brandy onto the ever growing pile, “I’ve got something cool to show you.”

Donnie led them into his backyard.

“Wow!” Clyde said. “That’s the biggest woodchipper I’ve ever seen!”

“Well, it's the biggest I could fit in my backyard.” Donnie smirked, “This thing can shred anything. Wanna give it a try?”

They quickly began running everything they could find through the woodchipper, from neighbor’s garden gnomes, to marble busts, to car wheels, to suitcases full of $100 bills, to pure gold bars. A pile of shredded debris quickly grew to massive proportions in Donnie's backyard.

“What a beast!” Clyde said.

“It even roars.” Amadeus said.

Donnie grinned and rubbed his hands as the Shroud of Turin and an ancient Babylonian tablet slid into the machine’s maw on its conveyor belt.

“You know what would be really rad to put in this?” Amadeus said.

“What’s that?” Donnie asked.

“A baby.”

“Dude.” Clyde said. “You’re right. That would be so cool.”

“Let’s go find one.” Donnie said.

Clementine Blake was a child prodigy. At 7 months old, she could not yet walk or speak, but had written three books that permanently changed the fields of science, math, and politics. Her work helped end 3 famines and eradicate 5 diseases. No one knew her biological parents, but many believed she would be the one to lead the human race to a new golden age.

Betty Blake, her adoptive mother, was taking Clementine on a walk, in a stroller. Clementine was busy writing her next book, glancing up every now and then to look at people who passed. That was when Donnie jumped out of the alley and snatched Clementine out of the stroller. Betty screamed and ran after him, but he quickly jumped into the back of Clyde’s truck, which sped off into the evening.

Ozias Ozbek was in his garage, disassembling a sewing machine with a screwdriver. He was wearing overalls with no shirt. His bare chest glistened with sweat. But that part’s not relevant to the plot. He had reduced the sewing machine to about 200 pieces so far. He wasn’t going to do anything big with it once it was disassembled. He would just organize the small pieces and put them in bins, like he did with everything else. This was his hobby, disassembling things into small pieces, simply for the sake of doing so. By day, he worked as a mechanic, making sure things were put together properly. In his time off, he only wanted to take things apart. He didn’t appreciate others criticizing his choice of hobby. After all, he wasn’t running around at night killing people, so no one should have reason to complain.

As he was searching his toolbox for a smaller screwdriver, he heard his phone ring.

“Ozzy, it’s Betty!” The voice on the other end bawled. “Someone took Clementine!”

“I’ll find her immediately.” Ozias put down the phone.

“If I had a baby...” Ozias thought, “where would I take it?” Ozias turned a screwdriver in his hand, deep in thought. “That’s it! I’d bring it to a woodchipper! That would be the fastest way to break it down into its constituent parts!” He paused.“Come to think of it, I recently repaired a large woodchipper, owned by Donnie Dixon. Maybe he knows something about this.”

Ozias opened his closet. The mask inside stared at him. The suit that hung beneath it had gathered dust. The mask smiled at him. "It's my time, isn't it?"

"Yes." Ozias said. "This night belongs to you now."

Amadeus held the screaming baby in Donnie’s backyard.

“This is gonna be so cool,” Amadeus said, “turn it on.”

Donnie flipped a switch, and the machine started roaring. The sound from the giant machine was nearly deafening. The three of them stood together, watching the glorious machine.

“It sure roars!” Amadeus shouted.

“All right,” Clyde said, “ready to throw it in?”

“You bet.” Amadeus responded. He pulled his arm back like a pitcher about to throw a fastball.

The machine began to shake. Then, a blade came loose from the woodchipper. It flew from the machine and sliced Donnie in half.

“Wow!” Clyde said.

The whole machine then collapsed into pieces. Ozias stepped out from behind the mess, holding a screwdriver and grinning through his mask.

“It’s the Night Disassembler!” Amadeus yelled. “He disassembled the wood chipper!”

Ozias laughed. “And now, I will disassemble you two.”

Amadeus threw the baby into a bush. "Not so fast!" He pulled out an anti-tank rocket launcher. "Don't take another step!"

"Why not?" Ozias grinned and stepped forward.

The weapon in Amadeus's hands fell into pieces.

Amadeus turned and ran.

"Try this on for size!" Clyde pulled a large artillery cannon out from another bush, holding it above his head by the long barrel. "I'll turn you into paste!" Clyde swung it downwards, towards Ozias.

The machine crashed into the ground. But Ozias was already behind Clyde.

"Weapons bore me." Ozias said. "I imagine you'll be more interesting to take apart."

Clyde's clothes burst into individual threads. "Yikes!" Clyde bolted.

Clyde jumped into Donnie's speedboat, as Amadeus started the engine. In just a few moments, they were speeding across the lake, away from Donnie's home.

“Donnie was bragging about this boat earlier!” Amadeus shouted. “It can do 50 knots!”

“He’ll never catch us now.” Clyde said. “Unless he can swim like a seahorse.”

After a few minutes, the two of them caught their breath and began to relax.

“Hey Clyde, check and see if he’s got anything to drink in here. I’m thirsty.”

Clyde found a cooler in the back. As he was about to open it, something caught his eye. A loose screw was rolling around to his left. His eyes followed it to another, and another.

“Oh no.”

Night at Faustina's

It was a dark and stormy night. Basil and Casper where trying to enjoy their vacation, but they had gotten lost in the mountains. The maps of the area were all wrong, which made driving a difficult matter for Basil.

“We should have stopped at that motel hours back.” Casper said.

“It’s too late now,” Basil said, “and I’m not even sure I could make it back there in the dark.”

“Well,” Casper said, “we may just have to sleep in the car tonight, then.”

“Look,” Basil pointed, “that looks like a building!”

The faint shapes of small, lighted windows could be seen over the rocks. Basil brought the car to a stop in front of the building.

“It looks like an old hotel.” Basil said.

“If it wasn’t for the lights,” Casper said, “I would have thought it was abandoned. It’s falling apart.”

The lights were on lobby, but there was no one behind the desk. Basil looked for a bell, and found none.

“Hello?” Casper shouted.

After a moment, they heard the sound of someone descending the stairs. A middle aged woman wearing an apron emerged. “Hello there.” She smiled.

“Is this a hotel?” Casper asked. “We’d like a room for the night.”

“Well,” she responded, “this actually isn’t a hotel. It used to be one, but it’s my home at the moment.”

“Oh,” Basil said, “we’re sorry for intruding. It’s just that the door was unlocked, so—”

“Oh, no,” she said, “don’t worry about it. You’re free to make yourself at home here. I’m always happy to have guests.” She put out her hand for a handshake. “I’m Faustina.”

Basil shook her hand. “I’m Basil.”

Casper did the same. “And I’m Casper.”

Faustina smiled. “Actually, I have an unusual number of guests today, so I’ve been quite busy.” She turned. “Come. I’ll show you a room you can sleep in. Or would you like separate rooms?”

“We’re fine with sharing.” Basil said.

Faustina brought the two to a small, cozy room.

“I’m afraid I lost all the room keys, so you’ll have to keep the room unlocked.”

“How much will you charge us for our stay?” Casper said.

“Oh, you don’t need to pay anything.” Faustina said. “You’re guests.” She paused. “But, if you like, there is something you could do to help me out.”

Casper sighed. Basil asked, “what is it?”

“Well, after you get your bags of course, no rush.” Faustina wiped some sweat from her brow. “But, as I said, I have an awful lot of guests tonight, and I’ve prepared dinner for all of them.” She laughed. “Oh don’t worry, there’s enough for you two, too. I know young men like you need a lot to eat.” Casper rolled his eyes. “Anyways, it’s a lot of work to carry all those big trays up and down the stairs.”

“We’re happy to help.” Basil smiled.

“Thank you.” Faustina smiled back. “Just meet me in the kitchen after you’re done unpacking.” Faustina left.

“There’s always a catch.” Casper said.

The kitchen was filled with trays with plate covers. Basil assumed there were plates with food under the covers.

“On each tray,” Faustina said, “I put a note with a room number on it, so you know which room to take each to.” She tightened her apron. “Thank you very much for your help.” She exited the kitchen.

Casper brushed back his hair and looked at the trays. He was probably trying to find the lightest tray, Basil thought. Basil took a tray with two plates on it, and left the kitchen.

He stopped in the hall to look at the note. It simply read: “666.”

There were no elevators, as far as he could tell. As he ascended the floors, he stopped on the third floor. This was the top floor, and the numbers started at 300. Was this a prank? It was silly of him to go up all these stairs. Obviously, there was no room 666.

As Basil sighed and turned around to head back down, he noticed it out of the corner of his eye. It didn’t even look like a door; it was simply a part of the wall itself, with a narrow, rectangular gap around it. In the middle of it, scrawled in charcoal: 666.

Basil pushed at the right side of the rectangle, and it opened inward, as a door does.

“Who goes there?” A voice came from within.

“I’m just here with your food.” Basil responded.

Basil saw a man sitting inside in a large, cushioned chair. The man stood up quickly. “Please, set it on the table.”

As Basil set it down, he heard the door shut behind him. He saw the man returning from the door to sit down again.

“Are you related to Faustina?” The man asked.

“N-no.” Basil straightened up. “I’m a guest, too. She just wanted help with the food.”

“Ah, a guest.”

“Uh, your room was rather hard to find. I nearly didn’t notice it.”

“Yes, I requested this room, specifically. The walls are shielded from any rays that prying eyes may use to observe me.” He removed the plate cover to look at the food underneath. “That was why I closed the door behind you. I hope I did not surprise you.”

“Oh.”

There was a moment of silence.

“What is your name, young man?”

“Oh, I’m Basil. Me and my—uh—friend, Casper, got lost in the mountains, so we ended up here.”

“I am Archibald Armageddon.” The man said. “I am here because my giant unicycle, which lets me travel the skies, burst one of its power crystals.”

“Giant unicycle?” Basil said. “I didn’t see it parked anywhere when I came in.”

“It is invisible to all, except its makers, the Obliteroids of Orgonth, and to the eyes of evolved humans such as I.” Archibald took a bite of green beans. Basil was speechless. Archibald continued. “I’m waiting here for the Obliteroids to arrive. Their the only ones who are permitted to handle the unicycle power crystals. If I tried to replace them myself, I’d be put to death.” Archibald took the other plate and uncovered it. He then set it on the ground.

“Is that plate for someone else?” Basil asked.

“It’s for my pet, Agony.”

Basil then saw a floating dog collar emerge from behind the bed, and approach the plate.

“As you can see,” Archibald said, “Agony is an invisible hellhound.” The invisible dog began loudly chomping on the food. “Be sure not to get too close to him. He’s covered in mouths that will eat anything that comes near.”

“Well,” Basil said, “I must go get food to the other guests.” He turned to leave.

“Wait.” Archibald said. “Tell me Basil, would you like to become an evolved human, as I am?”

Basil turned to him. “Evolved?” He scratched his head. “Well, evolving does sound exciting, but I’m pretty content as I am. I’m not sure if a dramatic change would be a good idea.”

Archibald nodded. “That is wise thinking, Basil. Too many desire evolution without considering the consequences. It’s not something you can undo.”

Basil returned to the kitchen. Neither Casper, nor Faustina were anywhere to be seen. He picked up another tray. One plate. Labeled “232.” Probably on the second floor, then. OK.

Basil knocked on the door. “Come in.” A woman’s voice came from inside.

“Dinner for you.” Basil entered the room.

Inside was a large woman. Her shoulders were wide, and her head brushed the ceiling as she stood, hunched. Her skin was dark green, covered in orange splotches. Her grin showed long fangs amid her teeth.

“Good, good.” She took the tray from his hands and set it on a table. “Stay and talk for a moment. I’d like to look at your handsome face a bit longer. Sit down.”

Basil sat down in a love seat by the wall. She returned and stood across from him, looking down on him and grinning.

“Uh, I’m Basil.” He said. “I’m a guest here too, but Faustina needed help with the food trays.”

“I know.” She grinned. “When you stood outside the door, I could sense that there was a person outside with a good nature. If my machine had not run out of power, I could have changed your nature to an evil one.” She extended her hand. “I’m Sue.”

Basil shook her hand.

Sue turned to the table. “But I do have a small device right here. It can at least make you a bit irritable for a few minutes.” She pushed a button.

The machine made a bubbling noise, and a green ray shot from it and hit Basil.

“What are you doing?” Basil stood up. He shoved the table over, knocking over the device, and making a mess of Sue’s dinner. “What in the world is wrong with you?!” Basil turned and left. He could hear her giggling behind him.

The guests staying here were all crazy, Basil thought. He and Casper would have been better off sleeping in the car.

Basil returned to the kitchen. No one there. Basil grabbed a tray. Labeled “101.” Ground floor. Good.

Basil knocked on the door loudly. “Dinner for you. Open up.” He said.

A moment later, a middle-aged man came to the door.

“Dinner for me, delivered?” He asked. He took the tray. “Why, that’s very kind. When Faustina said she was making dinner, I didn’t think she’d have it delivered straight to my door too.” He set it on a table. “Come sit down, if you like. You probably need a rest from carrying trays.”

“You’ve got that right.” Basil scowled and sat down across from the man.

“I do feel bad to have made you bring this to me. I was about to go check the kitchen myself, to see if I could help, but I got a bit too involved in my reading.” He motioned to a book on the table.

“I don’t need your excuses.” Basil said.

“You’re right, I’m sorry.”

Basil felt something draining from his body. He shook his head. “I’m sorry. I’m not usually so rude. I don’t know what came over me.”

“Oh, it’s quite all right. I’m sure you’ve had a long day.”

Basil glanced at the book on the table. It read: “Modern Medical Practice.”

“Medical practice?” Basil asked. “Are you a doctor?”

“Yes.” He responded. “My name is Dr. Despair.”

Basil looked him in the face.

“Yes,” Dr. Despair said, “I guess it is a pretty unusual name around these parts.”

“It sounds like the name of a super villain.”

Dr. Despair laughed. “Well, I think I’m much too mellow to ever turn into a super villain.” He smiled. “Most everyone in my family is pretty well-behaved.”

“The Despair family?” Basil asked.

“Yes.” Dr. Despair took the cover off the plate. “I come from a long line of Dr. Despairs. My father’s name is Dr. Despair, and so is my mother’s. I have a son and daughter, and both of them are named Dr. Despair as well.”

“And are both doctors?” Basil asked.

“Yes, of course.” Despair smiled. “In our family, that’s a given. We’re predisposed towards becoming doctors, so we start very young.”

“How odd.” Basil said. “I thought I would have heard of such a family.”

“We’re not from these parts.”

“Where are you from?”

“That…” Despair leaned forward in his chair, “that’s a bit of a long story, actually. No real short way to put it.”

“Well, I do have more trays to deliver, so I shouldn’t let them get cold.” Basil said. But he didn’t move. He sat there for a moment. “Say, since you’re a doctor…” Basil trailed off.

“Yes?” Despair raised an eyebrow.

“Well, maybe you’d have some explanation, or at least find it interesting…” Basil trailed off again.

There was a pause. “Perhaps.” Despair said.

“Oh. Well there’s this very large green lady in one of the rooms here.” Basil said. “Maybe you’ve seen her. But she’s bigger than anyone I’ve ever seen, and her skin is completely green. Well, except for the orange splotches on her.”

“A big green woman?” Despair leaned forward further. His face got pretty close to Basil’s.

“Yes.” Basil said. “I’ve never seen a person like her. I don’t know if she has a condition or something, or some strange genetics. But maybe you have some insight into that. As a doctor, I mean.”

“Yes.” Despair said. “Yes, that’s very peculiar. Do you know what room she’s in?”

“Her room? Well, I’m not sure if I should really say that. You know, for her privacy and—”

“Yes, yes, you’re right.” Despair said. “She really should have her privacy, of course.” He leaned clapped his hands together and leaned back in his chair. “It was not proper of me to ask.”

“Well, maybe you’ll run into her yourself.” Basil said.

Despair nodded. He was looking away, seemingly deep in thought.

“Well,” Basil stood up, “I really should get those other trays before they get cold.”

Despair stood up. “Oh I’m sorry for keeping you. Would you like any help with that?”

“No, no.” Basil waved his hands. “You should eat your own food before it gets cold. Besides, my—uh—friend Casper is already helping with that.”

Dr. Despair nodded. “Take care of yourself, Basil. Make sure you get some time to rest and relax. And if you’d like to talk more later, I’d be happy to.”

“Thank you.” Basil smiled.

The kitchen was empty again. Basil looked at the trays. There shouldn’t be this many left. Basil summoned the memory of the kitchen, as he first saw it. Counting the 3 trays Basil had taken, only one other tray had been taken. What was Casper doing?

“Casper!” Basil yelled. He heard footsteps coming down stairs. Faustina emerged.

“Faustina,” Basil said, “have you seen Casper?”

“No, I haven’t.” She said.

“Come here.” Basil motioned her to the kitchen. “What room did Casper take his tray to?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t seen him since I left the kitchen. And I haven’t had time to go back into it until now.”

Basil looked at the notes on the trays. “I took food to rooms 666, 232, and 101. With the trays that are left, what room is the other missing tray for?”

“Oh…” Faustina looked at the trays and notes for a minute. Then she looked up at Basil. “The room in the Basement. That meal was prepared specially, too.”

“The basement.”

Faustina stepped out of the kitchen and pointed at a door. “Behind that door is a staircase to the basement.”

Just then, Basil heard the sound of a commotion coming from up the stairs.

“Die!” A distorted voice yelled.

Sue came tumbling down the stairs and landed into a small table. The table broke under the impact, causing an ornate lamp to shatter on the ground.

Dr. Despair followed her down, carrying a large sword. As he raised it above his head, ready to split Sue to in two, Sue pulled a device from her pocket.

A ray shot out and struck Dr. Despair.

Sue cackled. “This ray should make you more tame for a few minutes. You could use to mellow out a bit.”

Dr. Despair stopped. Anger vanished from his body, and he slowly let the sword down, by his side.

Sue stood up and laughed again. She took the sword from him. “Try that again, and I’ll have a different ray for you.” She stepped up the staircase, presumably returning to her room.

Basil didn’t know what to make of it. He had no idea the source of the conflict, or what they were fighting over, or what could have made Dr. Despair so enraged. But he didn’t like seeing Despair looking so pathetic.

Casper. Maybe Casper could make sense of it.

The basement was dark and full of cobwebs. Basil found a light switch and flicked it. The room got darker. He flicked it back on. The lights had been so dim, he didn’t even realize they were on. Was there really a guest staying in a room down here? Was Casper really down here? Basil didn’t know where else he could be.

Basil wanted to think that Casper had just gotten into a long conversation with a guest, like Basil had. He wanted to think that, but it wasn’t what he really thought.

“Casper!” Basil called into the dark.

“Basil!” It was Casper’s voice.

“Brob!” A deep voice called from nearby.

A large figure emerged from the darkness. “Brob!” It yelled again.

Basil glanced to his side and saw a pickax leaning on the wall. What was a pickax doing here? Was someone digging tunnels? Basil picked it up.

Brob reached towards Basil. Basil swung the pickax, hitting Brob in the arm.

“Brob!” This cry was pained.

“Basil!” Casper cried out again.

Basil ran around a corner and saw Casper. His leg was chained to a wall. Small books and pencils were littered by his feet. Basil swung and broke the chain.

“Thanks.” Casper said.

“Brob!” Brob appeared from around the corner. Basil swung at him with the pickax. Brob batted it out of Basil’s hand.

BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

Casper shot him.

Brob fell to the ground.

Casper slid the small handgun into his pocket. “He shouldn’t have left it lying around.”

“Are you all right?” Basil asked.

Casper motioned towards books on the floor. “Brob had me doing crosswords for him. He was very adamant about it. He threatened me with the gun, if I didn’t cooperate.”

“Geez.”

“See, there’s always a catch.”

“You already said that.”

“But I’m right.”

And then they kissed passionately.

Faustina greeted them when they emerged from the basement. “Don’t worry about the rest of the trays,” she said, “two young men just came in, and they’re handling the rest.”

“Two young men?” Basil asked.

One of them emerged from the kitchen, carrying a tray. He wore a white shirt and tie, and a name tag that read “Elder Cox.”

“Hi.” Said.

“Bye.” Casper responded.

Just then, there was a loud crash from outside. The whole building shook.

“Oh my!” Faustina gasped.

Archibald Armageddon descended the stairs. He was grinning from ear to ear. “The Obliteroids have arrived.” He rushed outside.

Basil and Casper followed.

Two beings were working on an apparently invisible unicycle. Basil assumed they carried a power crystal, but it was also invisible. To Basil, they looked like mechanical feet, but with many more toes than a normal foot. At their tops were gooey shapes that deformed and changed quickly. Those were probably their main appendages, used like arms, Basil thought.

Dr. Despair came out from the building. He stood by Basil and Casper. “What’s going on out here?” He asked.

“The Obliteroids are fixing Archibald’s invisible unicycle.” Basil said.

“I see.” Dr. Despair squinted. “Well, not really.” Basil laughed.

“Great!” Archibald said, approaching the Obliteroids. “Great! Great work!” He gave one of them a pat on the back. “Great work! You young ladies really did a fine job. I’ll be sure to tell your boss.”

The Obliteroids stepped away from the invisible unicycle. In an instant, they vanished in flash of light. Basil looked up and saw a streak of light running up, into space.

Archibald jumped up onto his invisible unicycle. He turned back and waved at Faustina, who had just exited the building. “Faustina! Thank you for your hospitality!” Agony ran from the building, barking, and jumped onto the seat behind Archibald. Then, he pedaled into the sky.

“Wow.” Dr. Despair said, watching Archibald disappear from view.

Basil turned to Dr. Despair. “So, uh, what happened with you and Sue?”

“I killed her.” Despair said. “She tried to kill me with a death beam, but I reflected it with the Mirror Shield of Gelthbaz.”

“Oh.” Basil said. “Did you know her before?”

“Yes. It’s a long story.” He turned to return inside. “If you’d like, I can make us all some tea or cocoa, and we can share some of these stories.”

“That sounds lovely.” Basil said.

The Woodchipper 2

[Note: This story is a sequel to another short story, "The Woodchipper." This was revised 5/27/2024]

Amadeus opened his eyes. He looked down on the city. The world was faded and transparent, blurred, and unclear. He could see that the people glowed with life, shining like lights in the fog. He turned and saw Donnie and Clyde. Their forms were faded, without life. They were slowly circling upward, converging towards a hole in the sky.

Amadeus yanked both of them out.

"Hey!" Clyde said,"What are you doing?"

"Yeah," Donnie said, "what's the deal Amadeus? I was about to pass on to an eternity of paradise in heaven."

"Yeah me too," Clyde said.

"Stop and think for a moment," Amadeus said, "we can't just let it end like this."

"What do you mean?" Donnie asked.

"Yeah," Clyde said, "I mean, this kind of is the end, after all. We all died, so it's time to pass on to our eternal reward."

Donnie said, "We deserve a rest after our hard lives, after all."

"If you went to heaven right now," Amadeus said, "you would experience an eternity of dissatisfaction. An eternity with just one regret itching at you. How could you rest like that?"

"What do you mean?" Donnie asked.

"For all of our lives," Amadeus said, "we've had every single thing we've desired. Nothing has ever been denied of us." He paused. "Until… that man denied us our desire to throw that baby into the woodchipper."

"Yeah," Clyde said, "I guess you're right. It would suck to go to heaven without ever having thrown a baby into a woodchipper."

"We will achieve this desire, despite our untimely demise." Amadeus said. "And if the Night Disassembler tries to deny us, we'll throw him into a woodchipper too!"

Darius Dirk watched the procession of school buses full of orphans pass by. The philanthropists of the city had pooled their money together to send all of these poor children on a field trip, to give them respite from their unfortunate lives. Darius pressed the red button. The charges he planted on the bridge exploded. The bridge collapsed, the rush hour traffic started pouring into the lake, towards their inevitable demise. The screams filled his ears as he walked away.

Darius Dirk was 13 months old. He was known as the most evil baby in the world. While he had yet to learn to speak, he possessed incredible abilities. The amount of tragedies he created was uncounted. He had been imprisoned many times, but could simply not be stopped. He was recognized by the broken chains that hung from his arms and legs, clanking as he toddled along.

And then an unseen force grasped Darius. He struggled and cried as it lifted him off the ground, taking him away.

Ozias Ozbek watched the footage on his television. He fidgeted with some screws in his hand as he watched the bridge collapse. It frustrated him. The bridge was breaking into large, sloppy chunks. It was inelegant. If he was to disassemble that bridge, he would have—

Ozzy's phone rang. He picked it up.

“Ozzy, it’s me, Betty!” The voice on the other end bawled. “Clementine has gone missing again! I don't know what to do!"

“Don't worry Betty, I'll find her again." Ozzy put down the phone.

She was the 203rd person to call him about a missing baby in the past few days. It seemed there was a pandemic of baby disappearances. And yet he had yet to find a single clue to the whereabouts of the babies.

The newscaster spoke from the television. "In other news, workers on the docks have been complaining of poor working conditions, claiming the noise of hundreds of crying babies and heavy machinery coming from the abandoned factory is hurting morale. The city has yet to investigate these complaints, claiming noise is a normal part of work."

"If I had 203 babies…" Ozzy thought, "where would I keep them?" He considered the screw in his hand. "That's it! I'd hide them in the abandoned factory! The sounds of heavy machinery and babies crying would drown out any sound made by the 203 babies. No one would suspect a thing."

Ozias threw open the closet. His mask and suit hung in the same spot. "What is it? I was sleeping, you know."

"It's time for you to get to work."

Amadeus tossed Darius onto the shelf next to Clementine. He was bound tightly. Clementine looked at him with a sad, knowing look.

"All right," Amadeus grinned, "that's the last baby in the whole city! Let's get back to chipping!"

Ozias approached the factory. He was clad in his mask and suit, taking the form of the Night Disassembler. The sounds of crying babies and heavy machinery grew louder. Ozzy began to feel a little uneasy. Something about this place felt almost sinister.

He climbed up the side and entered through a door on a balcony.

Inside, hundreds of screaming babies moved down conveyor belts, all converging and running into a single, huge woodchipper.

He would have to disassemble the woodchipper if he wanted to save the babies.

He jumped onto one of the conveyor belts. It was the fastest route to the woodchipper.

Suddenly a ghostly form materialized in front of him. Amadeus's visage appeared, grinning.

"The Night Disassembler!"Amadeus snarled. "You won't disassemble this scheme! These babies are destined for the woodchipper!"

"Don't get in my way." The Night Disassembler stepped forward, over a baby.

Amadeus's ghostly form grabbed The Night Disassembler and threw him down on his face.

"You can't disassemble a ghost!" Amadeus yelled. He grinned. "Donnie and Clyde passed on to heaven after the first batch of babies went through the woodchipper. But I won't be satisfied until every single baby has been chipped!"

The Night Disassembler pulled a screwdriver from his belt. "That seems a bit excessive."

Amadeus lifted The Night Disassembler off the ground.

"Who do you think you're fooling?" Amadeus grimaced. "This 'Night Disassembler' get-up is ridiculous. Everyone knows you're really just Ozias Ozbek, the local mechanic."

"Don't bring Ozias into this." The Night Disassembler said.

Amadeus pulled him closer. "You know, we're not so different. I know how you are. Whenever you see something beautiful or precious, you want to break it down into little pieces. So you should be able to sympathize with me."

"You're right." The Night Disassembler said.

The conveyor belt broke, and The Night Disassembler tumbled off it, onto the ground. Babies poured down onto him, burying him in a pile. He dug himself out of the pile. The woodchipper roared, just a few feet away.

"Damn it!" Amadeus yelled. "I can't believe you disassembled it while I wasn't looking!"

"You should pass on." The Night Disassembler said. "I imagine the woodchippers are much nicer in heaven." He started piling babies into a wheelbarrow. "I'm going to take these back to their homes."

"Stop!" Amadeus said. "Look at that baby in your hand."

Ozzy looked at the baby. He was bound tightly. Chains hung from his arms and legs. His countenance was twisted with hate.

"That's Darius Dirk," Amadeus said, "the most evil baby in the world. If you save him, he'll surely do more evil." He came close to Ozzy. "Do you really want to save this baby from the woodchipper?"

Ozzy considered the baby for a moment. "No." He tossed Darius into the woodchipper. And that was the end of Darius Dirk.

The Woodchipper 3

"My son. My darling son. I have shed so many tears for you. I will not rest until I have avenged your unjust death."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"What an incredible story," Barnaby said, "I've never heard of ghosts operating a woodchipper before."

"Yes," Ozias said, cutting his steak with a knife, "I'll admit it was a first for me."

"Ozzy's always the first one I call." Betty said, "He's so reliable. I haven't called 911 in years. I know Ozzy can handle anything."

Barnaby smiled. "My sister has told me so many stories about you, Ozbek. I'm happy to finally have gotten a chance to meet you."

"Ah, thank you. I hope I didn't disappoint."

Barnaby laughed. "You're an interesting guy, Ozbek."

Clementine politely sipped tea from a baby-sized teacup.

Barnaby considered Ozias. "I must ask, though. Why the mask? It seems like everyone knows who you really are, anyways."

Ozias paused in thought. "When I put on the mask, I become the Night Disassembler. Only the Night Disassembler can do these things."

"Ah," Barnaby nodded. "Very interesting."

Betty stood up from the table. "I must practice Clementine's speech. Today's a big day."

Ozzy was back in his workshop, carefully dissecting a fish. He had put each of its organs in its own little jar. His mind wandered. Barnaby was a beautiful and charming creature. What did he say he did for work? If only Ozzy could disassemble him. He had beautiful eyes. Perhaps he had a beautiful heart and and skull and lungs and–

The fish's eye slipped out of Ozzy's tweezers, and rolled onto the floor.

"Damn it."

He reached down to find it, but it had rolled off somewhere.

The phone rang.

"Oh, Ozzy!" Betty's voice called from the other end.

"What's happened?"

"Someone kidnapped Barnaby! They were wearing the mask of the Night Disassembler! Wearing your mask, Ozzy!"

"My mask?"

"I know it couldn't have been you, Ozzy! I know you have a pure heart! Someone must have disguised themself as you!"

"I'll find him." Ozzy put down the phone.

"If I had taken Barnaby," Ozzy picked up the fish eye, "where would I take him?" He stared into the fish eye. "Why, I'd invite him into my home. I'd serve him dinner. I'd treat him nicely. Maybe then I could convince him to let me… well… my house really is a mess right now. I should really clean it up."

Ozzy opened the door from his workshop to the living room. The roar of a woodchipper nearly deafened him.

A huge woodchipper stood in the middle of his living room. A figure wearing the mask of the Night Disassmbler carried Barnaby, bound and gagged, over his shoulder, ready to feed him into the machine.

Ozzy jumped at the machine with his screwdriver, and reduced it into a pile of parts.

The figure dropped Barnaby on the floor, and then began to laugh.

"Who are you?"

The figure removed the mask.

He was a massive man. His arms and legs were as thick as tree trunks. His sharp teeth gleamed in his huge grin. His eyes were fiery and piercing. His brow was contorted in an expression of hate.

"I am Dagon Dirk." He sneered. "You killed my beloved son, Night Disassembler. For that crime, I will shred you in the same woodchipper you shredded him in."

Ozzy lunged at Dagon. Dagon reached into a pocket and pulled out a huge sheet, covering his body like a curtain. Barnaby tore through the sheet and landed on the ground. Where was Dagon? His eyes darted around the room. The man was gone. How could such a huge man just disappear?

A small screw rolled out the front door. But Ozzy didn't notice.

He turned to Barnaby, still bound and gagged. Why, he could take Barnaby into his workshop and disassemble him this afternoon. Barnaby couldn't object in this state. No. He would just untie and ungag him.

Betty Blake stood at the podium, sweating.

"Well," she said, "uh, today we're cutting the ribbon for this new school my daughter Clementine helped create. It's for impoverished children, you know. Uh, I'm just going to read the speech Clementine wrote for this event…"

Out from the crowd, a small toddler toddled. He approached the podium.

"Oh," Betty looked at him, "where are your parents, little one?"

The toddler pulled out a remote and pressed a large red button. The roaring sound of a woodchipper emerged from behind the school.

Crash! Crunch! A giant woodchipper rolled through the school on massive treads. Giant mechanical crane arms pulled out pillars and fed them into its gaping maw. The crowd screamed in terror.

The toddler cackled and pulled off his mask. The huge form of Dagon Dirk appeared behind the disguise. He turned to the cameraman recording the event.

"Night Disassembler! You child murdering bastard! The woodchippers hunger and thirst! They will not be sated until they feast on your flesh and blood!" And then Dagon pulled out a sheet and vanished.

Ozzy watched the events unfolding on his television. "That's not good."

"Oh God." Barnaby said. "Betty and Clementine."

Ozias threw open the closet. The mask sneered down at him. "It seems you can't do anything without me."

"Shut up." Ozzy said. "It's time to get to work."

"What?" Barnaby said.

Ozzy just shook his head.

Betty's leg was trapped under a piece of rubble. The giant woodchipper roared louder and louder as it approached her. Clementine pulled at Betty, trying to free her.

"Oh Clementine!" Betty cried. "Leave me! Save yourself! The world needs you!"

Betty turned and saw the machine, almost on top of her. And then it collapsed into pieces.

The Night Disassembler emerged from the mess. He pulled the piece of rubble off of Betty.

"Are you all right, Betty?"

"Oh Ozzy," Betty cried, "we put so much of our souls into building that school. You must stop this terrible man before he destroys even more!"

"Ozbek," Barnaby emerged from the pieces behind him, "I found this. It must have been hidden inside the giant woodchipper." He handed Ozzy a note.

An address was written on the note.

A woodchipper roared in the middle of the playground. A conveyor belt slowly pushed a pile of sleeping puppies towards its mouth. A small dog was tied to a post, barking and yelping, just barely unable to reach the puppies.

Just before the puppies reached the mouth of the machine, the contraption exploded into pieces. Ozzy pulled the puppies from the pile. They were unharmed. He untied the small dog from the post.

"You're ok. It's ok." Ozzy petted the dog. Dagon was nowhere to be seen. Besides the dogs, the park seemed to be completely empty.

A car door slammed in the parking lot. Barnaby and Betty had arrived.

"Is this the place?" Betty yelled.

"How peculiar." Ozzy said.

"You fool!" The small dog pulled off its disguise, and Dagon emerged, towering over Ozzy.

Before Ozzy could react, Dagon bound him tightly in rope.

Barnaby rushed towards him. "Stop!"

Dagon turned towards him and grinned. His head crashed into Barnaby's, throwing Barnaby into the ground. Barnaby was dazed.

"Next time," Dagon laughed, "DON'T use your head." He carried Ozzy into a helicopter that was inconspicuously parked nearby.

"Barnaby!" Betty arrived at her brother's side. The helicopter flew off into the air.

Barnaby groaned. "We have to stop him, before Ozbek is nothing but giblets."

Barnaby and Betty arrived at the abandoned factory. The helicopter was parked just outside.

The noise of a roaring woodchipper could be heard from outside.

Ozzy was tied to a conveyor belt, slowly approaching the huge woodchipper.

Barnaby jumped onto the conveyor belt.

"Don't worry Ozbek, I'll get you out of this."

"Wait!" A voice called from nearby.

Barnaby turned and saw another Night Disassembler tied to another conveyor belt, running parallel to this one.

"It's a trick!" The second Ozzy called. "That's Dagon in disguise! I'm the real Night Disassambler!"

Barnaby froze. There was only time to untie one of them before the woodchipper shredded the other one. His eyes darted between the two figures, looking for some small difference. But they were exactly the same.

He turned to the first Night Disassembler beneath him.

"I trust you will make the right choice," the first one said, "Barnaby."

Barnaby untied the first Night Disassemble, and then pulled him from the conveyor belt, just as the other fell into the woodchipper.

Barnaby held Ozzy steady. "Are you all right?"

Ozzy laughed. "You fool!" He pulled off his mask. Dagon towered over Barnaby. "Not only is the Night Disassembler dead, but at the hand of his foolish friends, too!" He cackled.

Barnaby sank to his knees.

"No!" Betty cried.

"The blood of my darling son has been avenged." Dagon's voice was quiet. "Justice has been served. The woodchippers will terrorize your town no more."

There was a clanking noise. The woodchipper fell into pieces. Ozzy emerged from the tangle of metal. His clothes were torn. His mask was cracked. But he stood.

"How?" Dagon yelled. "That's impossible! Even I couldn't escape from those bonds!"

"It doesn't matter how tightly you bind me," Ozzy said, "I can disassemble anything and everything. And you're next."

"Not this time!" Dagon yelled. He jumped into his helicopter. "We'll fight again, Night Disassembler!" The helicopter lifted off the ground. "And again and again! Until you're shredded down to nothingness! Until my son is avenged!"

"He's getting away!" Betty yelled.

Ozzy leaned down and picked up a loose screw.

He smiled wryly.

The Island of Doghouses

This is a novelette I recently wrote. Because of both the size and content, I'm not sure I can post it on Tumblr itself, so here's a google docs link.

There is a content warning on the second page.

Hope you enjoy it.

Google Docs

The Island of Doghouses

CONTENT WARNING [VIOLENCE, SEXUALITY, AND LANGUAGE] Expect words and phrases like: boner naked fuck blood spewed soaked in blood kiss and

Label Machine

The label machine spat out a clean new label. I affixed it to my friend’s chest.

“CLASS TRAITOR,” it read.

He shook his head. “I don’t like labels.”

We disagree on many things, but we’re still friends.

He invited me to dinner. He told me he lived frugally and only had canned food to eat. I told him that was all right. I had been subsisting on birdseed and cat food since I blew my savings on the label machine.

When I arrived for dinner, he told me I could have whatever I wanted from his pantry to eat.

When I looked inside his pantry, I saw the labels on all the cans had been removed. Every tin can looked the same. I just took the one closest to me.

Condensed milk. A bit too sweet for me.

There are things all around you in the world, trying to survive, that you'll never get a chance to notice.

There's a werewolf in the café that you always go to, working on his laptop. It's already far enough into the lunar cycle so that he's becoming semi wolflike at night. He'll spend to weekend upstate this month when the full moon finally hits, like he always does. He tells himself it'll be nice to get the fresh air, and he's glad he's privileged enough to not end up hurting anyone. You just think of him as taking business trips every month.

There's a ghost whose possessing a human body for the first time in a long time, standing on the subway platform with some of her living freinds. She's laughing about how weird it is to walk around as a person, and slightly nervously commenting on how there's plastic in this body's blood. This is her first time she's possessing a male body, and the awkwardness of it has given way to a strange fascination and euphoria as to how it feels compared to her body when she was alive, she likes how people look at her, and how handsome she feels.

There's a goblin whose been stealing food from that deli that you always go to, and petting the cat every time he get a chance to. He lives in subway tunnels, because it's safer to dodge trains then dodge the eyes of humans. The world is a much bigger place to someone so small, and the streets and buildings weren't built for him, and neither were the trees or animals. He wakes up every day hoping to survive, in a world where humans are giants that stalk the streets, and where scaring someone is a crime that may cost him his life. He prays he won't die for the crime of being small, or the crime of being ugly.

There's a vampire on your college campus, trying to still have a normal life after being turned. She knows everything from her human life will be gone in a hundred years, it was supposed to be gone the momment she was bitten but she tries to make it so she can still keep moving forward. Her body lacks so much that it used to, she doesn't sleep, doesn't desire sex, doesn't eat, but she's still a person, who can talk to her freinds, and still go to classes like she used to. She'll survive like this as long as her family is supportive enough to let her stay in their apartment, and as long as her girlfriend let's her drink blood from her hand, as if she was handfeeding an animal. And for awhile it'll be like she's still a person.

There's a demon on the sidewalk near your campus, standing right near the subway station, whose having to focus their energy on a spell that makes them look human, knowing their true form would terrify the humans around them. They're walking every street so excited, so amazing by the city around them, by the world around them, the glistening towers, the people outside talking, the sky that's so very blue. It's all so mundane to the humans around them, but to a demon, who was told they never deserved any of it, that they'd never see anything but the underworld, it's the most amazing thing possible. And the world is so pretty, so hopeful, through their doomed eyes.

Tales from fiction writing class

Something you remember but you’re not sure why

I don’t know why I remember the light brown mushrooms that would sometimes grow by the flagpole. 

Sometimes, in the early hours of the morning, when I would be a safety patrol at my elementary school, it would be my job to raise the flag outside at the front of the building. The pole was surrounded by a circle of concrete that was surrounded by a circle of yellow and purple marigolds. On the side closest to the building, occasionally, there would be a mushroom that would grow there. 

Somedays, I would walk over it and try not to notice it, giving it only a sideways glance. Then, somedays, I would enjoy stepping on it and feeling my shoe softly squish it down into the dirt. I would never touch it with my hands because it could be poisonous and it would get in my mouth and kill me. 

I stomp it down then wait a month for it to regrow then I stomp it back down. Then the school gardener found out about it constantly regrowing and pulled it out by the roots and I was sad.  

Tales from Fiction writing class

Write a scene where a character has certain traits but those are never stated out but are made clear to through actions and dialog.

Traits: Jealousy, Ambition, and reflection 

Himmberton was not normal the type to give people much of a second glance, but he guessed today was different. It was probably because he had skipped lunch and his growling stomach was affecting his mood. 

The large crowds of people in the park were starting to make him feel little. The bench he was occupying was no longer comfortable but it seemed that there were too many eyes on him so he decided it would be better if he remained where he was. 

He scanned the crowd for anything that would capture his attention.

 There were two men dressed in suits, laughing while admiring their fancy watches as they gleamed in the sunshine. Himmberton didn't like those men. Sure, he loved shiny things as much as any creature, but they were being so showing about it. They were probably greedy and had gotten them by stepping on every bug that crossed their path for the fun of it. Bad men. They didn't deserve shiny things. He could afford one of those watches after a few months of working at the ice cream shop, but his money was suited for better things. He always served men like them in the store. Big, hoglike mounds of flesh, feasting away on the homemade ice cream. Then leaving a mess and no tip. 

After another moment, he couldn't take it anymore and looked back down at the grass. A Black Prickly Caterpillar towards his foot.

"Good Afternoon," Himmberton said in the most cheerful tone he could muster. " Is the weather being good to you?" The caterpillar continued its path towards his shoe.

"Oh! Allow me to help you up here." He picked up the little crawly awkwardly, trying his best not to scare it as he set it down on the other side of the bench. " There you go. We can't have you getting trampled now."

Himmberton looked away from his new comrade and back at the people in the park. 

"You know, the more time I spend here, I start to see why they prefer to be indoors," he said quietly. 

The caterpillar sat still in its spot.

"Oh, don't be like that! Look! At least the little ones are alright." Himmberton pointed to across the grass, where a group of little girls were chasing after a butterfly. 

He looked back down the caterpillar, hoping to see some reaction but the caterpillar remained at rest.

" I know you're right. Things can't stay this way. Say, I could use a hand with all this. Why don't you come with me? If you're so passionate, then you should do your part."

At that, the Caterpillar started to move again and crawl towards his lap.

" That's the spirit. Come on, we're burning daylight." In a quick swoop, Himmberton picked up the Caterpillar and dropped him into his front pocket. " I'm really glad I met you. I was having the worst day."

The two of them rushed out of the park and back towards the city to get started on Himmberton's plane. You see, Himmberton was no ordinary man. His body was actually a robotic human suit being piloted by a small bug. Soon all humans would pay for their misdeeds against his kind.

Tales from Friction Writing Class

write a character that is unreliable

For as long as I can remember, I have loved Halloween. I don't remember why, but I do. Maybe because it was one of the only nights of the year when my parents wouldn’t fight. Maybe because I was able to dress in as much black fabric and red paint as I wanted without our neighbors pointing out that "Girls shouldn't dress so gloomy." Maybe it was because my favorite photo of my brother was him falling asleep in a stroller with a Kitkat in his mouth. For whatever reason, I always looked forward to October 31st. But after sitting in a holding cell at 2am, covered in fake blood, I have started to rethink all the hype. 

The officer walked in. "Moralez, let's go." I got up and saw that I had left a red stain on the wooden bench where I had just sat. I hoped the officer wouldn't see and add it to the charges. 

He escorted me into a small dark room with a single light hanging from the ceiling. It looked just like the ones in every cop show.

"Alright, let's get started." He sat me down in a cold metal chair. Once he sat, I was able to get a good look at his face for the first time.

"Hey, I know you. Aren't you the hero cop of Maylan County?" He looked taken aback but pleased. "Well, thank you, but that was two years." 

"I know, but still. I followed that story for two whole months. No one could stop talking about it. You got shot in the arm taking down a Meth Lab and saved two kids as well. That is amazing."

The officer started to chuckle. "You really know a lot about that case." He looked down at the papers in front of him, still smiling. "It's kind of my thing. I'm a Journalism Major."

"That's a great field to go into. A lot of opportunities for jobs."

"Thank you, sir."

He looked down again and seemed to remember where we were."So," he started. "What were you doing in the graveyard? "

I tried to make myself look small and innocent. "Pulling a prank, it's Halloween."

"A prank on who?" He backed off a bit.

"Melody Ginmen. She's the one who called you, right?"

"I'm not allowed to reveal that information." He wrote something down. "The witness said that they saw someone devil worshiping. They reported strange lights, smoke, and a dark figure bathing in blood."

"Yeah, Melody started a rumor that I'm a Satanist, so I decided to give her what she wanted."

He was quiet for a moment. "And are you?"

I laughed. "Of course not. That's ridiculous. I made sure that Melody overheard me saying I would go to the graveyard. Then I bought a bunch of stuff on Amazon and made sure that she followed me out there."

He kept writing. "Why would she start this rumor?"

"Cus she hates me. Ever since I stopped going to church with my family five years ago, she and her friends have had it out for me."

"Interesting."

"You've probably heard of her family. They're crazy religious zealots. They don't go to the doctor. They don't watch PG-13 movies. They bully people in town and protest Halloween events."

He finished writing after a minute. "I've heard enough. I'll be right back." He walked out into the hall and started talking to some other officers. After a moment, I heard a voice exclaim “I KNOW WHAT I SAW.”

Within twenty minutes, I was in the back of a squad car, being driven back to my dorm hall. The new officer asked, “So what are you studying?” 

I smiled, “Religious studies.”

Tales from fiction writing class

Write a scene where the characters are talking about an issue without actually stating it.  

We stood outside the bar, my mother and I. It was starting to rain, but she was smoking, so we couldn't go inside yet. I was slowly becoming miserable. 

"Can I go inside?"

"Gimme a minute. I'm almost done."

I didn't speak and she took another drag.

"How'd you start smoking anyway?"

"Your grandma."

Silence and a drag followed.

"Are you done yet?"

"Just wait… Jesus," she answered, angrily.

Silence. Drag.

"I really don't like this… you know," I said.

"What? Me smoking?"

"No."

The rain was still lightning falling. It reminded me of the end of a garden hose. How even when you stand under it, you never feel wet.

My mother finally spoke."Well, I do."

"I can't see why."

She took a last drag and threw the cigarette down without fully putting it out first. "You're too young to understand."

"Or maybe you didn't teach me well enough to understand."

Silence. No drag. "If you don't like it, then don't come next time."

I felt like crying. "If you're unhappy, I understand. But you can stop and do the right thing. We can do something and try to fix it. It's like when you remodeled the kitchen. You…".

She cut me off then. "The problem isn't in the kitchen, it lies in the foundation. Once the foundation's cracked, there isn't much you can do."

I wish I hadn't brought the topic up. "I don't think the foundation is cracked. I love our house. I want to save it."

Before she could say anything, the door to the bar opened. The bartender walked outside and came towards us. "My shift's over. Imma head out."

My mom turned towards him, happily saying, "Are you sure you can't stay?"

I turned away from them. I heard him say, "Yeah, but I'll see you around."

The joy in her voice died. "Around?"

"Yeah. So… bye."

They were quiet for a moment. 

He got into his car and turned on the engine. The radio started blasting some profane rap song. Once he was gone, we looked back at each other and I decided that it was time to head home. I walked to the passenger door of our car. My mother didn't say anything and walked slowly to the driver's door.

We started on the fifteen-minute drive back home still in complete silence. I decided to finally speak. "You know, even if the foundation of our home is cracked, you can't move into one of the fake room sets at IKEA."

She didn't say anything. Perhaps I had gotten to her. We pulled into the driveway and saw that my dad was already here.

I started riding the bus on Saturday nights

I started riding the bus on Saturday nights after you left. 

When the bus driver asked me where I would get off I told him the mall but I had no intention to. I would just ride around in circles, listening to music, and stare out the window at the buildings bathed in the night light. 

I don't know why you affected me so much. I'd like to say it's because I gave you my virginity, but I'd be lying. 

Maybe I just like the bus. Being there in the darkest, sitting in the silence, it’s almost felt like meditating.

A Garbage Story That I Had To Write In Under 100 Words And 10 Minutes Or Ghost Boy

There once was a boy who saw ghosts. So, one day, his mom toke him to see a psychic. 

As the psychic read his palms, she began to scream. “ He has the gift. The gift.” The boy became scared and they left.

Eventually, the boy grew into a man and became a regular guest star on Dr.Oz and The Maury Show that gave readings to the audience. He got married at 45, then divorced at 63, then remarried at 65. This marriage stuck until he died at 89. But no one could see his ghost.