Creative Works - Tumblr Posts

To the one who holds my heart,

Just hold it closely

Embrace it like a dream

Fuse it with your warmth

Feel it throb in

Rhythms that echo the beat of

Your song

I love you and I will remind you everyday.

-echo the beat of your song,

Katie, 22:40

Because it's the 7th ❤

I am not writing enough. I call myself a writer but don't stain my notes with words as much as I ought to. And tonight, I sit on my bed and stare blankly at the empty piece of paper lying cold on my coffee table. I write the word "He" and stop; unsure if I am now ready to pour out my thoughts. I let out a sigh. If I let my guards down, there are lots of things I can associate with the word "He".

//

"He"

Is what wakes me up every morning, an alarm clock screaming. The light that bathe me with euphoric thoughts that come rushing in a long queue the moment I stir from slumber.

//

"He"

Is the aroma of coffee that fills my head, reminding me of the last time we're in my favorite coffee shop, listening to songs, trying hard to ignore the rhythm of our hearts and the spark we created when our hands accidentally touched.

//

"He"

Is the good morning texts I get, those innocent messages I refuse to read because I am scared to uncover something beneath; say a gift I am not prepared to unwrap but dying to have.

//

"He"

Is the movies I watch, the songs I hum and listen to, the gentle chuckles that resound in my head, stirring emotions in me that are long dead.

//

"He"

Is what paints a smile on my lips, the reason why I beam in the midst of a curious crowd. It's insane sometimes, but I feel like floating on cloud nine.

//

"He"

Is the thread that ties me to sanity. The only thing that makes sense when all I can see is chaos and the cacophony is just too loud for me to contain.

//

"He"

Is the journey and the destination. The good night texts that pop on the screen of my cellphone the moment I get home.

//

"He"

Is the home and the love I run away from, thinking I may only be dreaming because reality could not possibly be this mirthful .

//

"He"

(In spite of myself) is the arms I wish would welcome me when I am done running at the end of the day.

//

-He,

Katie, 01:30

"Goodnight my sun!" said the moon. "Tomorrow is another day for us to love." So the sun collapsed herself into the waiting hands of slumber.

Oh how they believed each other.

As though they can really be together.

The wind howled to the cadence of their melodious hearts tangled in a dream.

The stars traded their brightness for a way for these lovers.

The universe obeyed.

written in the stars

katie, February 8

But I loved you,

My darling

When I tied

Your shoelaces

In an effort

To hold

Your pieces intact

In my hands

While the world around you

Didn't seem to care

If you break

Or lose yourself

To the night

I was there

Oh I wish

Your heart

Can remember

Me and that moment

Before February ends...

-that moment before February,

katie, 19:35

It's silly.

But it feels like we only wake up so we won't break the hearts of the ones we love.

Katie, 18:00

If we can go back in time, relive every moment we have lost, all the dreams trapped in a blurry yesterday, would you take my hand? If we can fall in love again, would you take the chance?

With me?

(Let's fall in love again)

-Katie, 6:15

We're liars.

//

Me, I lie to protect my heart

While you,

You lie so it won't break

Like a glass

That can never be put back

Together regardless

Of efforts

To assemble the pieces

It's not a puzzle

And the cracks will be there

A reminder

Of a painful history

We tried to prevent somehow

By lying...

//

I say I don't love you

Force the words out

Make myself believe

They are true

But the truth

It burns beneath

The ground where I stand

Broken hearted

Shaking in my own fury

Consumed by the gravity

Of the words I just set free

Well everything is noetic

The mind could be both

A blessing and a curse

Affecting all elements

And words...

Words have weight, all right

Once spoken

They drag you down

Like shackles

Attached to your feet

//

You say you love me

All lies, of course

There is no sign of mirth

In your eyes

As the words escape

Your trembling mouth

You think these could cloth me

In winters to come

Could hold me somehow

So I won't fall to the ground

Watch me swing like a pendulum

You don't know how tiring it is

To be suspended in mid air

Trying hard to believe

You told the whole truth

In my face

Well I hear it loud and clear

Baby you don't

No, you don't love me at all

'Cause...

//

We're liars

//

Both of us.

You,

When you say I love you

Me,

When I say goodbye

-Everything is noetic,

Katie, 12:31

8th ❤

I am not writing enough. I call myself a writer but don't stain my notes with words as much as I ought to. And tonight, I sit on my bed and stare blankly at the empty piece of paper lying cold on my coffee table. I write the word "He" and stop; unsure if I am now ready to pour out my thoughts. I let out a sigh. If I let my guards down, there are lots of things I can associate with the word "He".

//

"He"

Is what wakes me up every morning, an alarm clock screaming. The light that bathe me with euphoric thoughts that come rushing in a long queue the moment I stir from slumber.

//

"He"

Is the aroma of coffee that fills my head, reminding me of the last time we're in my favorite coffee shop, listening to songs, trying hard to ignore the rhythm of our hearts and the spark we created when our hands accidentally touched.

//

"He"

Is the good morning texts I get, those innocent messages I refuse to read because I am scared to uncover something beneath; say a gift I am not prepared to unwrap but dying to have.

//

"He"

Is the movies I watch, the songs I hum and listen to, the gentle chuckles that resound in my head, stirring emotions in me that are long dead.

//

"He"

Is what paints a smile on my lips, the reason why I beam in the midst of a curious crowd. It's insane sometimes, but I feel like floating on cloud nine.

//

"He"

Is the thread that ties me to sanity. The only thing that makes sense when all I can see is chaos and the cacophony is just too loud for me to contain.

//

"He"

Is the journey and the destination. The good night texts that pop on the screen of my cellphone the moment I get home.

//

"He"

Is the home and the love I run away from, thinking I may only be dreaming because reality could not possibly be this mirthful .

//

"He"

(In spite of myself) is the arms I wish would welcome me when I am done running at the end of the day.

//

-He,

Katie, 01:30

I can see you

Behind the mist

You are reaching out

For me

Hands trembling

Chilled lips chanting

Unintelligible

Mumbles in the air

Filling my ears

Should I listen

While you're looking

At me

Through me

Laser eyes penetrating

Flesh and bones

Knowing secrets

I've kept inside

Scarred skin

You see me too

What a relief

That I don't need to hide

I don't need to pretend

You always look inside

Probe behind the veil

You love me raw

An unrehearsed thought

Scribbling my story

On blank spaces

Honest

Unedited

Emotions scatttered

Like dust

You love me when exposed

Right before you

No filter, just me

Unapologetically

A mess

You see me

Behind the mist

And that smile

It makes me ache

For things

Beyond my capacity

To achieve

But I see you

Reaching out

You aren't leaving

Despite the chaos

It's insane

Oh I guess

This is what

Being appreciated

Feels like

(unfiltered)

-you see me,

katie, 17:00

If you don't know how she likes her coffee, you don't really know her.

-she likes it black,

katie, 16:00

When this is over

And we return

To normalcy

I will ask

You to pack

Your whole life

Into a suitcase

And run away with me

-our life in a suitcase,

katie, 23:45

Image:Pinterest

Darling when this is over

A walk at the beach will cure

All the austere longings

We managed to ease somehow

Through late night conversations

And scattered poems

-I miss you so much,

-katie, 19:45

And all the promises

we made by the sea

eventually became

my favorite ghosts

katie, 23:33

To the ladies, gentlemen, and whoever, STOP BLAMING YOURSELF!

Sure, breaking up with the person you planned your whole future with f***ing sucks. I can't even start to imagine how that sh*t diminishes you into a pathetic wailing mess. It's unfair. So do not be too hard on yourself. They left you? I understand, it hurts. But do you have to believe it happened because there's something wrong with you? That you're unlovable? Back off a little bit and try to see things in perspective. Being left behind is hard. Everyone who's ever been there can testify. While it's normal to curse, break, despair, doubt, you have to move forward. The world is always an exhilarating place to explore. Yes, you've been with the worst bunch of people. But leave it there. Give yourself time to grieve, then start walking ahead. Don't let them take away your hope, or change the way you see the world. Teach your mind to be strong enough, firm enough to recognize your true self after you've been shattered so your pieces will always gravitate towards you. Do not let the pain drown your truth. Rise above the noise, the disappointment, the emptiness. Do not let them take away everything. Do not let them change you. Reclaim yourself. Indeed, it's arduous but you have to do it for you, only for you. And believe me, everything will get better in time.

-katie, 22:34

life f***d me so hard

now i am pregnant

at the mercy of fatigue

and morning sickness,

i dream of galaxies

far away,

of stars burning out,

of white holes emerging

entities from one dimension

to a newer, greener one

i conceived hope

from tears

my grey sky shed

here in my womb

a new possibility was implanted

i watch blood spots stain

the clean linen I wear,

remind myself of the gift

throbbing in my veins

life f****d me so hard

now i am finally pregnant

after years of being barren,

lurking in the dark woods,

marveling at the depth of

the wounds i try so hard

to conceal,

the wrist cuts gaping

like angry openings but never

allowed air to fill my lungs

i suffocate, shatter in the corner

grit my teeth, bite my lips

to keep me from screaming

silence is comforting they say

and i drank too much of it

isolated from the rest of the world,

i am a pariah

who crawl the earth,

taste the saltiness of my sweat,

swallow the dirt

i lure death to my private chamber

he evaded me

but from time to time he visits

the farthest

reaches of my memory

he is not mine to summon

i can only wish solace

from the swing of his sword

so life flirted with me

it was a magical moment

romance quickly blossomed from

my famished mouth,

a miracle mushrooming from

my aching breasts,

it urged me to believe love always wins

though i never had the chance

to taste victory no matter how fierce i called

its name from the void, love

is an illusion meant to

manipulate us in our most

vulnerable state

life used love to tame me

i was at its beck and call

i've lain on a bed of roses

for ten moons or so

woke at the light kisses of zephyr,

greeted by the warm strokes of the sun

i was happy until the waves grew

rough, devouring me

i fell unconscious from the blows

gained scars from the wars

i waged in my head

life f*****d me so hard

it was an excruciating night

i lost my pride

i lost my dignity

now i am pregnant

after enduring barrenness,

and frustration,

and pain

i am pregnant with faith

with hope,

with courage,

with new potentials

i harnessed from

the belligerent storms

the world sent

to prevent me from going home

-new beginning,

katie, 19:20

the past is an old apartment

i try to visit

everytime i feel the need

to be reminded

of the times

love and happiness

were my roommates

-katie, 31st of July 2021

When I opened up about

my depression, my ex boyfriend

told me to get an exorcism

Yeah, if I remember it now

I can only laugh

and at the same time,

feel aghast at the ignorance

not just of my ex boyfriend

but of everyone else

who could not stop

the stigma that if you're

depressed, it's probably

because

you don't pray enough

that's why your mind

is so messed up like

paint splatters

Here's the thing, I pray

more than I should

kneel, hands clasped

tightly together as though

my whole life depends on

how firm my fingers could hold

on to one another, lips trembling,

trying to mumble pleas of guidance

to the Almighty, over and over

until I am certain that I am heard

Don't get me wrong, I don't doubt

His divine providence, but just as my anxiety

makes me go back to make

sure I left the door locked, I pray

five times a day to be sure my cries

reach the heavens

I pray harder than anyone I've ever

come across because I don't

wanna lose any chance to be cured

But then the demons still loom

inside my head, they managed

to make it their kingdom

You know one time, I was talking

to a dear friend and he told me,

"it's all in the mind"

My whole being sighed as I tried

to break free from the clutches,

the hands pushing my head deep

into the water, it's all in the mind,

my emotions aren't real

and if I could just snap out of it

then everything would be smooth

sailing, I am just sad

but my mind tends to intensify

that sadness, I overthink every

single thing even the ones I can't

control, and most often than not,

the sinking feeling leads me

to the decision that I am worthless

Grab a razor, a pin, a pair of scissors

anything sharp enough to cut

through my flesh so I could

bleed the negativities out

It's all in the mind, I try to

incorporate it in my mantra

However, just like the prayers

I say five time a day,

it does not work its magic trick on me

They told me I am merely an attention seeker

I am young and always in need of validation

That I always magnify my emotions

to their extremities

So I pull the sleeve of my cardigan

to cover the razor cuts, put on

a smile, okay I look dreadfully fine

The teacher calls me out, "sweetie

isn't it a little hot to be wearing

a cardigan?"

I tell her I am feverish as I feel

sweat dripping at my back

She'll leave me alone

like all of those who are

scared to meet me in the eye

but ended up judging me

I hear too many whispers

behind me, I say I don't mind

but I do, who wouldn't?

I just wish I could run

somewhere or could

disappear before the

stories catch up with me

My mother said I should ignore

people's opinion

for they don't define me, I do

But mama, the words crawl

on my bedroom wall, their

venom stain the pictures hanging,

the curtain, the floor

The noise becomes louder

drowning my heatbeat,

I put a hand over my chest,

It's time to pray again

I pray, pray harder than I used to

Beseech the heavens

to calm the waves devouring me

I repeat the mantra, seventy-seven times

It's all in the mind but the agony

is the realest I've ever felt in this life

I pull my cardigan, I can't bear to see

the cuts this time

I've been addicted long enough

to the sticky blood gushing

It's useless, for the real wound

is invisible

It's invisible

yet mighty enough to shrink

me into an insignificant mess

They all advised me to open up

so I can breathe

But, when I opened up about

my depression, my ex boyfriend

told me to get an exorcism

I am glad I didn't

-when i wore a cardigan at the height of summer, katie

image: https://id.pinterest.com/pin/730849845781054640/