Sir Billiam - Tumblr Posts

He be wanted for robbery but still lookn good

Yes we do a murder from party to party. What about it?

sir billiam and his butler(s) found family headcanons:

-butler has a name, he just doesn't use it often, and tends to only tell people his name when they're already friends/close

-billiam uses it in private

- butler is half enderman, like ranboo, but got almost no visible traits so you can't tell. he still hates eye contact

-billiam made the no eye contact rule as a sneaky way to help

-butler is selectively mute! the no speaking rule was also for his benefit. now nobody expects him to say anything

-butler knows sign language. billiam also knows sign language. they use this both to talk and to plan murder while in the company of other people

-oh yeah, murder

-back in the wild west, butler was billiam's partner in crime. but secretly, so he could pretend to be a hostage and stuff

-so when he went with billiam after he left, everyone assumed he was kidnapped

-billiam said he'd never kill someone, he'd hire someone else to do it. this is mostly true- butler does most of the direct murders- but if anyone hurts his butler he can and will kill them

-hubert was also part of the found family i will die on this hill

ready for some SAD headcanons?

-egg ate hubert. the only thing stopping billiam from attacking it then was that he still had the other butler to protect

-that "billiam attacks anyone who hurts butler" thing is how he died

-the egg got hungry but there were no party guests, so it ate the remaining butler

-billiam heard him scream and attacked the egg

-he tore it apart, kind of. it delayed it's growth for a very long time (until present day)

-it also tore him apart. billiam is unfortunately NOT an egg, so he did not regrow

fun bonus headcanon for literally all of the tftsmp characters:

-their ghosts are around. they just never felt the need to show up and do anything, this is basically a tv show to them, similar to how it is for us

Fresh Sir Billiam Headcanon and small story.

Contrary to what he wants people to think, especially the rich, Billiam doesn't actually treat Butler bad at all. Butler actually has a fully furnished room that Billiam gifted to him when he brought him to the manor. Due to the social norms that dictate the millionaire hierarchy, Billiam has to pretend that he treats Butler like any old servant and Billiam secretly hates/despises it. (Which is why he is more than happy to sacrifice people to the Egg)

Billiam is also protective over Butler, which is one of his piglin traits coming to the forefront. (Butler is also protective over Billiam because he is a loyal boy and is grateful for Billiam saving him from certain death)

-

Once, Billiam was at a party at another mansion and it was customary to bring you servant along so Butler was in tow. He sent Butler to get him a drink and the next thing he knew was Butler was being punched by some older gentleman who had a little too much to drink. The older gentleman was yelling something about servants needing to know their places and stop being disrespectful etc etc.. and that Butler needed to be taught a lesson....

Billiam intervened when the older gentleman started to reach for his belt. "Excuse me sir." Billiam's voice was laced with the barely contained rage that he felt, "But you have just damaged my property. This," Billiam swept his hand toward Butler, "is my best servant you see. I am afraid I will have to demand reciprocity at once for this attack on my value."

"Fine! Fine!" The older gentleman grumbled, waving his hand dismissively, "Just name your price and I will pay. Though you should consider training that one better. He ran into me, stuttered about it being an accident. As if I care to hear such mundane excuses from the rags."

"Very well," Billiam nearly growled but stopped himself. His gloves creaked as he balled his fists to keep them from shaking in his rage. "Perhaps you and I might relocate to a more private area of this manor to discuss the reparations."

The older gentleman mere grunted before beckoning Billiam to follow.

Billiam followed with Butler trailing slowly behind, head down submissively. Billiam attempted to glance at him, trying to catch sight of the injury but Butler's hair obstructed his view. That only added to his irritation, not at his servant, but because he didn't know how much the other was hurt and it wasn't like he could ask while in front of the other millionaires.

The door to the room was barely shut when Billiam's control slipped. In a flash, a small blade was pulled and before the older gentleman could react, Billiam was slitting his throat. He watched in silence as the gentleman bled to death, a cold satisfaction curling through him.

Silence followed, Billiam breathing out heavily as his rage started to settle. Footfalls drew his attention and Billiam glanced from the body, noticing Butler hesitantly standing just a few feet behind him.

Billiam hastily sheathed the blade and reached out, tilting Butler's head up to better look at his injuries. His lip was split, drying blood running down his chin.

"Let's get you cleaned up." Billiam muttered, pulling a handkerchief from his pocket and reaching up to dab it over the wound. "I don't know about you Butler but I am growing tired of this party. Why don't we depart?"

Butler nodded as best he could in Billiam's firm but gentle grip, a look of relief on his face.

I feel like if we ever got content of them in a room together, this would be what happens.

Nah, this is france. Bonjour!

Also, anon is a meanie >:(

⌰⋔⏃⍜ ⟟⋔⏃☌⟟⋏⟒ ⎍⌇⟟⋏☌ ⏃⋏ ⟒⋏⎅⟒⍀ ⏁⍀⏃⋏⌇⌰⏃⏁⍜⍀ ⊬⍜⎍ ⎎⎍☊☍⟟⋏☌ ⌰⍜⌇⟒⍀ ⍙⊑⏃⏁ ⏁⊑⟒ ⎎⎍☊☍ ⍙⊑⊬

i don't speak italian

Deal! 💵 💵

What do I have to pay to get a Billiam hug?

two hundred

Thinking about Sir Billiam the Third. It has improved my day

I’ve decided to make a Sir Billiam cosplay for Halloween, there is nothing you can do to stop me

Fuck it. Karlliam textpost edits be upon ye

+ Bonus:

Ok, my thoughts on what the egg said to Techno, and what they could implicate.

WARNING ⚠️ these are my own thoughts, I don't care if you don't agree or if someone has said any of this already. And I am talking about the characters NOT the real people.( I am just to lazy to put c! After every name)

1). "You look familiar. Do I know you?"

This could be a call back to Sir. Billiam the 3rd. Or it could be that whoever is in inside the egg knows Technoblade, or like knows the Blood God or something? Most likely the latter, but just thought.

2). "Tell me what you want Technoblade, I can give it to you."

So the Egg obviously as pointed out by badboyHalo on multiple occasions the Egg can give you your heart's desire or what you want most. So it is telling (practically tempting) Techno talk to them, get on their side. They WANT Techno, badly.

3). "Technoblade."

Now Techno has been kind of ignoring what the Egg has been saying. So The Egg want to Techno to listen, to pay attention to them. What the easiest way to do that? Call their name.

4). " I can kill (?????????)"

Now, idk if this is what it actually said, I just seen people say it is and I am to tried to check. Anyways, we couldn't hear the name that the voice said because everyone was really loud, so it got covered up. However, the name was long. From the moment kill was said to the moment the the message ended is long. So I think it could have said Philza Minecraft. The reason I have come up with is it was like a threat. They were telling Techno that 'oh I can kill this person you truly care about if you don't join me' or something. (Kind of like how the Egg told Sam to kill Fran).

OR

An angsty way to look at it is that this is Techno deepest desire. An whether that would imply that Techno wants Phil dead or something, I cry. BUT if the egg said someone else's name, this would also imply that Techno wants someone dead dead. And maybe Techno doesn't want to be the one who kills them.

There is still so much that I could talk about but I don't want to type it all out. But, yeah these are just my thoughts on things. See ya!

Well at least we know where he got some of his wealth from XD

Polus ❤

(He/him pronouns)

(1700+ words)

Description: You and your repair team arrive on Polus. While working on the ship, someone dies. There is an imposter on Polus. (Fundy x Reader)

[Read the rest under the cut]

Arriving on Polus was unnerving, to say the least. The cargo holding area opened to a deserted planet settlement that was thick with silence. Your job was to fix it up.

With 9 of you, it'd be quick. You would be on a ship back to your baby brother in all but blood, Sykkuno, before the week was over. Maybe even before Corpse did. Which was an impressive thought, a goal to aim for.

Corpse and his team held the record for quickest repair and evacuation. It was more than inspiring, if you were honest with yourself. It was badass too. You were so proud of Corpse, who was practically family with how close he and Sykkuno were.

Oh, Sykkuno had been so proud when he heard you'd gotten accepted on an off-planet mission. They'd even took the time to make your favourite cookies before you left. Speaking of which...

You sighed happily, the [topping] cookie was heavenly to your taste buds. After days of just special space food, which was just usually disgustingly dehydrated blobs labeled as "food".

Now that you were on a planet with an atmosphere that'd allow your stomach to handle solids, you were going to take full advantage of it.

"What's that?" Someone asked, peeking over your shoulder.

You squeaked, hunching into yourself uncomfortably to hide the box. Turning your head, you saw the fox hybrid who had introduced himself as Oliver Arechtenshire Smichalist Cumbucket and refused to say his real name.

"Oh," You laughed awkwardly, closing the lunch box with one finger. "It's nothing, Cumbucket."

"What?" They blinked, flushed. Then, it hit the fox like a train. "Oh! Pff, my name is Fundy."

Grinning, you nodded along. "Oh, sorry Cumbucket."

"Wha-? Stop!" They demanded, pretty pink dust scattered across his face. It's a shame he still had his helmet on, you thought.

"I'm Y/N." You happily ignored his embarrassed spluttering. "And it's a pleasure to meet you, Fundy."

"That's a pretty name," Fundy said before catching himself. "Pretty unique, I meant. It's a unique name."

Raising a brow, you nodded. He stepped back with an oddly shy air to him. For a man who told everyone his name was "Oliver Arechtenshire Smichalist Cumbucket" with not a hint of embarrassment, he certainly was easy to fluster.

You moved towards him, heading for the security cameras. You were only slightly hoping to spot someone tripping or something.

Fundy trailed behind, his warm brown eyes sharp as he searched for something. At the same time, you both spotted half of James laying in a bloody pile near vitals.

"Holy shit-!" You stumbled back, right into Fundy. They held onto you tightly, staring at the screen, stone-faced. They spoke solemnly. "We have to call a meeting."

{《☆》}

"Was anyone with anyone?" Lyaria asked, looking around the room of, now, only 8 people.

"Me and Fundy were together the entire time," You offered, still leaning heavily into the fox. Fundy held you tightly, protectively curled around you as you stood around the table. "We got distracted and then-, we saw-,"

"We got onto cameras and James was dead." Fundy finished, he rubbed circles into your arm. His eyes met Lyaria and he practically growled.

"Anyone else?"

Sebastian spoke up for the first time, nervously glancing over the room. He met Fundy's eyes before they darted away and he cleared his throat. "I was with Drew in specimen."

"What?" Drew exclaimed, "I was no where near any special men. You're an imposter!"

"Yeah," Fundy spoke up. You had to shift over as the hybrid leaned forward. "I think you are."

"What?" Sebastian laughed nervously. "You're not serious? I saw you, Drew! I was right next to you! Why would you-?"

Lyaria cut him off, her cold blue eyes acessing him. "I believe you."

"Y-you do? Oh thank god!" Sebastian sighed. They whirled around on Drew immediately. "I think it's Drew!"

"Probably," Billiam said. "But we should throw him into space because he's poor, I don't really care about James."

"Sure." Karl agreed. And slowly, everyone came to agree. Drew simply nodded along, uncaring. Or maybe he was too stupid to realize he was going to die.

You frowned, it was a tough decision but everyone was making it so easily. Drew was going to die, whether you voted him or not.

The voting was anonymous, but it still showed exactly what you thought it would. Drew had been the only one to vote Sebastian, you had voted skip, and everyone else voted Drew.

You turned away, hiding your face into Fundy's chest. They wrapped their arms around you, pressing themselves close and laying their cheek on your head. All you could hear was the yelling as everyone forced Drew away, to his death.

Then, Fundy started humming softly.

It was something to focus on. A lifeline to your horrible day. Fundy's heart beat heavily in their chest, helping you just melt into the man's arms.

It was over. Drew was dead. James was killed. Things weren't going to be as easy as you had hoped.

{《☆》}

Things were strange after those deaths. You and Fundy stuck together the entire time, navigating through empty, abandoned halls that were full of tense anticipation.

You had gotten half of your tasks done before the next murder. Fundy was ahead of you, waiting for specimen doors to open.

The lights had flickered at first, before everything went out completely. Your comms were still up tough, so you managed to make it to the wires next to the door and wait there for Fundy to find you or for lights to turn on.

Lyaria was dead.

Billiam's butler had found her.

"How many words sir?"

"Hm," The man considered. "11."

"I found her in, uh, Admin? I think someone vented. That's all." They said, fiddling with a bucket of milk. Billiam nodded.

"I was with Y/N. He and I were together the entire time." Fundy said, resting a hand on your shoulder. You nodded along, even if you hadn't seen Fundy the last few minutes.

"We were about to a go into specimen," You explained, picking at your fingers. Karl and Butler nodded along, but Billiam hummed curiously.

Sebastian narrowed his eyes at you two. "You guys have been vouching for each other the entire time... I don't know if I trust you."

"They seem rather chummy," Karl noted. Their brown hair was pushed away and they looked into your eyes. You tilted your head and Karl fidgeted. They glanced up, over your shoulder and shuddered. "But I don't think it's Y/N."

Fundy's lips were pressed into a thin line as he tugged you closer to him. Relaxing back, you looked over everyone.

Only 6 of you. If there were 2 people killing like you guessed, they were dangerously close to winning their twisted game.

You should vote to be safe, that'd be the safest option but...

"I think we should skip."

With nothing to guess on, it was all you could do.

{《☆》}

Things were dangerous. The lights were out, you lost Fundy, and everything was going wrong.

"Fundy?" You called out, peering cautiously into the dark space. The floor squeaked under your shoes, making your heart skip a beat as you slowly looked down.

Blood.

You bit down a scream, stumbling back into doors that closed before you could leave. Suddenly someone stepped closer and you found yourself face to face with a bloody Fundy.

"Oh," You gasped, choking down a sob. Fundy saw you and instead of killing you instantly, his face broke. He looked just as dejected and horrified as you felt.

"You weren't suppose to see this." He said, sounding heartbroken. But he just... he killed someone. You shouldn't feel bad for a murderer.

"Fundy," Your voice cracked, (e/c) eyes peeking through the smallest gaps and just seeing more and more blood. "What did you do...?"

"Y/N," Fundy cried out instead, heart-broken. "I'm so sorry. You weren't supposed to-, to-!"

"You were supposed to be unaware and-, and weak," Fundy recited, like it was ingrained in his head. "We were supposed to kill them and-, kill everyone. It's our mission."

It broke your heart hearing Fundy practically sob. "Fundy, I-,"

You didn't know what to do, so you threw yourself into Fundy's arms. The man hiccuped, looping their arm around you and holding you so tightly.

"I'm sorry," Fundy whispered, but not to you. "I can't kill them all. I won't kill him."

"I love you," he said louder, this time to you. I'm sorry but I do."

Laughing stupidly, crying all the meanwhile, you burrowed yourself closer. You pressed yourself so much closer, until you could almost forget that Fundy was covered in blood. When you could forget that their louder than average heartbeats was because he was an alien and not just nervous.

Pulling back, you couldn't help but sob those words out too. "I love you. I love you. I love you."

You pressed your foreheads together, ignore the sickly feeling of blood sticking to your hands. Their hands trembled as he held yours tightly, leaning into the touch. Smearing blood on Fundy's cheek when you caressed it, you gave him a small nod.

"I won't say anything, Fundip. We'll both get out of this, okay?"

"Yeah," he shakily said, his eyes fluttering open. "I won't let anyone kill you. I'll kill everyone before they get to you."

Crying, you pressed a quick kiss to Fundy's lips. When you pulled away, he followed.

{《☆》}

You lived, but at what cost?

Their deaths was all you could think of as Fundy held you, in the middle of a bloodbath. Everyone was dead, even Billiam, who looked stronger than your fox. They were the other murderer, but now they were dead...

You laughed weakly. You couldn't go back now. Sykkuno would be heart broken and Corpse would pull away again but you've already chosen.

You chose him when you shared your special cookies and when you joked together. You chose him when you were crying and kissing. It was you and him now.

Leaving Polus, a graveyard that was still only half-functional, you leaned against Fundy and you weeped.

{《☆》}

[God, I love Fundy. Was this more for me than you? Maybe a bit. The next one should be a romantic Dream one, so that'll come out on Sunday(?)]

[-L0v3, k1ng]

sir billiam and squiggles would be BEST FRIENDS.

Huh. I wonder who that’s for.