Speedo Boys - Tumblr Posts

Brad, Chris, Sebastian, and Luke got their plant-based swimmers wholesale from Speedo's plant print plant. It's near that mall you pass on the way to Laguna Beach. You know, the one where they filmed 'Back to the Future'.

We're surprised it's still there. Not Speedo's plant print plant, but rather the mall. Boys will always be in need of cheap showcase swimwear direct from the manufacturer for the beach.

Ugh. There's that word again. 'Manufacturer'. Seriously, can anyone say it in a remotely sexy way? It's easier to sing than it is to speak.

Ahem.

🎶'MAN-UUUUUUU-FACT- ERERRRRRRRRR!!!'🎶

See?

😁

It was wild! The grass was yey high not an hour ago. What could have happened?

Brad and Chris’ exposure due lack of clothing was usually assumed to be unconsciously on purpose by most. Super attractive people did this sort of thing, at least according to the masses. Outside of sleeping, Brad and Chris in reality were always conscious of their generous exposure because they never bothered to cover up.

At 19 am the two were wide awake and the cutting and removal of the grass was clearly not their doing. Jose tended to Brad and Chris’ garden on Tuesdays, and it was… well, not that day of the week.

It was at that moment Brad’s smart phone went off in the distance. Not a moment after, their neighbor Luke appeared with Brad’s phone in hand. Luke informed the two he got a new pair of specs from the Binoculars Club of The Month Club in the mail. Apparently, he cut the grass as a favor for himself. It was the only time Luke was happy to see the mailman come early.

Luke pointed out that the mailman dropped packages off at Brad and Chris’s just before his ruining any chance of coming over fully loaded. The two were always rocking their morning workout on the front porch in thongs and Luke felt like he was left hanging.

To help rectify the situation, Luke thought it may be a fun idea if Brad and Chris could make their t-backs reversible. It might drop a hint for the mailman to switch up his route. Their neighbor then invited Brad and Chris’s thoughts.

It wasn’t the worst idea and not exactly the best. Brad and Chris tentatively agreed to give it a go once Brad had his phone back. It was weird how it jumped from the front porch into Luke’s hands all by itself. How they missed Luke machete his way through the side lawn, no one could fully understand either.

After a bit of back and forth Brad, had his phone and questions outnumber answers. Chris wondered if there was ever really a question to begin with. Brad couldn’t figure out how Luke got his phone to ring, and Luke forgot why he came over.

Well despite all the mystery that morning, one thing was always certain. Whenever things were off for Brad and Chris, like a bad neighbor, perv Luke was there.

And that he was.

Whatever his boyfriend Brad said was fine. It was water under a bridge he's never seen, heard of, or planned to cross, but here's what he had to say as to polls. "Half this country was in an abusive relationship and either didn’t know it, know how to get out, or somehow convinced themselves the situation just didn’t apply to them despite not living in an isolation chamber for eight years."

Chris then noted humans remain capable of reasoning anything and then followed this statement by a renewed call for a better form of thinking. As for the more desirable poles, well...Chris said he "would always take two and never turn down left overs or twins. Yum!"

Before his boyfriend could react to the raunch, Chris took ownership readily admitting his suggested sexual antics rang to him "a bit old school Christina Aquilaria," meaning it was both hot and dirty minus a few 'r's' of course.

The fact was the two were at a pool party in WeHo where every beautiful man in Los Angeles was in a Speedo or something of equally negligible coverage so Chris naturally assumed "between PREP, chlorine, and whatever part of the spectrum of sunlight that killed microbes and such, this was essentially the definition of a very well calculated risk."

Leaving no space once again for Brad, Chris went on to mansplain "in reality it was hot partially because it was summer. There was also this whole climate change thing going on," but then switched gears saying the leftovers and twins thing being so hot mostly stemmed from a softcore he watched when he was 16 titled “The Grill” that followed the sexcapades of a men’s college swim team while attending their coach’s off season summer bbq.

The early 80’s flick was considered edgy in its day apparently because the coaches wife was away on a business trip leaving the boys to fend for themselves. Chris was quick to point out tho the viewers never learn what kind of business she was in. He assumed it was advertising as that’s what the lead lady in the flick “Mr Mom” did. That both films were coincidentally released the same year carried enough weight to take the one hole in the softcore Chris didn’t want right off the table.

Seeing himself in full truthing mode, Chris then physically reached into thin air, pretended to grab something, then did the gay ‘z’ snap as he declared the shenanigans at the pool party "not actually dirty, but dirty adjacent due to all the precautions both manufactured and natural taken by the parties attendees.”

It was then Brad finally dove in the poll/pole conversation he started but largely failed to participate in with a sharp "True." Everyone attending the event already knew not to bring up the responsibility already taken at the party itself as it defeated the purpose. They were there for a good time and much of that was indulging themselves in the wild care-free fantasy. If someone was stupid enough to show up knowingly with something that wasn't theirs that's another tomb-sized plot of real estate for dancing upon in recognition of this person's immediate social death.

Vengeance hardly ended there. The reprise occurred at this persons physical death pending anyone knowledgeable of the event outlives this person. 99% of the time they did as for whatever reason vengeance keeps people alive until it's achieved. At that point, you’re as good as dead yourself.

That last part never appealed to Brad or Chris so they chose the sweeter slow release option of dancing nearly naked while high as a kite once or twice a month. It werked a lot of negative energy out though it admittedly invited some wonky back in. No transformation of energy was ever perfect or completely clean. Oddly this was never really spoken to across the board from the underground gays all the way through to mainstream society and then some.

The spiritual death or the parting of this person's soul were also celebrated but occurred less frequently. It largely applied to those in the deepest of the deep usually either claiming hetero and/or some sort of divinity. Ironically, few of them had souls or any sign of spirit hence the small numbers. They either never had them in the first place or they were already goners by the time the gays got to them. Regardless, the offenders helped keep the dancefloors packed in the after-after-afterhours which was a very twisted way to say sometime between 8am and noon the following day.

Brad went on to say "they were all reasons to dance and do drugs. Taking responsibility certainly granted its freedoms but no matter the situation or level of involvement, people will always cross lines. It's how anyone knows where they are. Once they are established, you’re either stupid or a hero for crossing them." Brad paused for a few seconds of self reflection. "We jump on that ship so quickly when on the sidelines don’t we?”

Chris dove back in the chat with his own sharp "True.” Then a two second pause followed by another “True. And True.” He then pointed out for the sect of the gay spectrum this notion did apply to inclusive of themselves, jumping on the revenge train for the anti gays felt not too dissimilar in concept to the whole 'I'll do anything for science' phenomenon.

Chris looked to his right giving a facial expression as if pulling files in his head. “It was weird to see that go off the deep end in recent years. Science that is. How did the entire field of academics and study just not make the dinosaur/bird connection until just now? Ummmm. Ooops. We took the dinosaurs extinction as this grand dramatic exit for hundreds of years."

Chris paused for Brad's acknowledgement smirk as he knew that was a zinger. It also gave him just enough time to conjure up another to wrap this conversation up. Chris was horny and could see a platter of hot dogs floating their way. He nodded to Brad who turned to see, then motioned the tray boy to stay on course to them. When his boyfriend turned back his way, Chris could see Brad's excitement matched his own.

Chris let out and unrehearsed “nice” then mentioned the hot dogs filled out their buns quite well too. Brad smiled at the notion and thanked his boyfriend for such kind observations. Chris then proceeded to smash last hurdle to happy happy joy fun land by spending his last two cents.

“As for both polls and poles, whenever these f*cks come around, we will take them in.”

“We always do.” Brad whole heartedly agreed adding, “people always seemed surprised both of them were so versatile and open minded.”

They were when it counted.

Butt pats please?