Neighbor Luke - Tumblr Posts
Brad and Chris admired their neighbor Luke for so many reasons, but mostly because he was super low maintenance. Mostly.
Nothing about Luke’s diagnosis was funny. Brad found himself laughing anyway. Why wouldn’t it stop? Then Brad thought it might be better just to go on with it. Maybe Luke would just go away. If only he didn’t live next door. Oh God. Was he still laughing?! This was way past explanation. Maybe Chris would take a picture.
(Click!)
Brad and Chris thought to show the pics to their neighbor Luke. Sure enough, yes he had a brother Darth Jr. Turns out the man is plain cool and understands he looks good.
Chris didn’t know what it was. A Rubik’s cube? Brad guessed it was a VCR then suggested it actually didn’t matter what it was. They could use it as a paper weight. Brad and Chris immediately lol’d. Paper didn’t have muscles. That’s when their neighbor Luke asked ‘Y would anyone have paper?’ Brad then asked Luke what he was doing in their bedroom at 9:04am on a Thursday. Chris then chimed in to say he thought Luke’s question was valid. They’ve never kept paper at the house. Like ever.
“There’s a party in the USA right now Y’ALL!!!”
Brad and Chis’ neighbor Luke met Molly Cyrus backstage not 20 minutes prior.
That 1st part somehow made sense, but how there’s a backstage at a cooperative yard sale on Brad and Chris’ driveway no one knew.
Gustavio was miffed. When exactly during their hook up did Luke swallow his nipple ring? Whatever. Gustavio was ordering delivery from the food store. So far he had Crisco, cherry vodka and prunes. Was 22 too old for Ramen Noodles? That was ageist. Working on that obviously but the damage done. Anything else?
Brad said if Chris wished hard enough and long enough in a soft clean patch of grass, a leaf blower might appear. It could be at any moment or more specifically whenever Luke gave the signal he figured out the HD upgrade on his phone.
Until then, Brad needed to confirm that if Chris was Lief then that made him the LB right? Chris also wanted to know if anyone else had Joan Baez stuck in their head. He couldn’t shake it.
That’s when Chris offered to shake it if Brad needed a distraction. Before Brad could respond, Luke interrupted with a stern ‘Abso-f-ing-lutely’. He just needed two more seconds… and ‘Action!’
Then, just like magic, the garden fairy appeared.
What the AT&T lady said just didn’t register. Brad called to cancel the landline not get a new plan.
Brad put the receiver down to ask Chris. “Do we want ‘full coverage?!?’….”
Now that Brad said it out loud, the notion read nearly silly. A fierce 45 second single sided debate ensued.
Chris said if they were going to hold on to any unnecessary technology, it would be the wristwatch due to its advanced mobility feature.
Total peace broke out when Brad noted wristwatches didn’t take $50 out of their Chime account on the 5th of every month.
Boom.
Brad and Chris’ landline would finally die, die the next business day.
Brad and Chris couldn’t get over how close they came to wearing the exact same outfit for the BBQ at their neighbor Luke’s.
Snapchat, Insta and TikTok were in a flurry. How could they not be?!? Brad and Chris were one moody green print away from a ‘Who Wore It Best” walk off.
Well, the two managed to pull the whole thing off in the hot tub just after sunset when they saw Luke was already nude. The rest you can probably find on JustFor.
The shade of it all!
Cute pair
Did I leave the back patio door open? Chris thought he felt a breeze from the air conditioning. Hmmmm... maybe not.
Well, this was no fun. Where was Brad with that unicorn?!? Chris needed inflatables and sun oil. He was still pissed Brad accidentally used the spendy lube again. Chris did too, but someone had to take the heat so they drew straws. On the bright side, they got a pretty good bangin session out of it. Luke’s suggestion to participate certainly reduced the waste factor.
Chris stopped himself there. It was still just him and the dental floss from the morning now between his other cheeks. Was it teal or aqua? Chris needed a color wheel. He’d text Brad and ask him to stop by either Michael’s or Homo Depot to pick one up.
Brad laughed out loud at Becky's suggestion. Nothing about it made a lick of sense. Even if he did have facial blindness, how could he face it?
Luke crossed his arms and clearly noted Becky wasn't even on the boat and walked away. Well, that intervention fell flat on its face. Maybe Chris would be more receptive. He was showing the same signs and symptoms. They both needed help. Luke quickly found himself in a whirl of flashbacks.
In hindsight, it was Brad that lol’d at Luke when he shared his diagnosis of facial blindness. He still had the picture Chris took documenting the ordeal. That was an excruciating five minutes and thirty two seconds for everyone. That was not the optimal way to learn things actually did last longer with a photo.
Well, enough friendship stuff, Luke was horny and this was a gay cruise... "Becky?!" Luke ran for the nearest full length mirror to negate the thought. Sure enough, no shirt. “Grrrrrr!!!”
Luke needed to calm himself down before approaching Chris. He also needed to figure out how get over this deja vu. Can you get that just once? Luke sure hoped so. He did not want to go thru this AGAIN, AGAIN.
It was Tuesday at 2:15pm. Brad, Chris, Jeremy and Luke were hanging per usual. They bought and made their Halloween costumes back in March while at a stripper flea market just outside of Reno. This, of course, was your 'oh so typical' everyday street wear, a peculiar shade of dress that read mainstream or ultra trendy depending on the infractions of its execution.
Yes, we know. It's difficult to look at the pic and not think everyone dresses like they are 35.... like EVERYONE. You know it's a gold standard when those who actually are 35 don't even react.
What's his head told us this on that one show. You know, the one with the runway, sewing machines, and that woman we see every Halloween in the rags who divorced… an otter was it?
Oh. Otter is a gay thing isn’t it? Just like pank, gurl, and… Well, isn’t it all gay?!?
Ok. That’s not true or more of us would be test tubers by now. We’re still on the YouTube with the occasion designer baby popping out of China or some overdone upper crust of Europe-adjacent. When will parents learn no matter how much you change a child, even if you alter their DNA, they will always become what they are?
Ultimately, we each direct our own expression. No one creates art on your behalf or tells another how to feel. We will each decide here too.
Dear me, that was a tangent wasn’t it? So…where were we? Seal. Ah. Yes. That. We got a name! This one divorced, and as far as we know all involved survived and carry on otter-free.
What was the name of the show though? You know the one with that butler who has all the catch phrases and pretends to help the contestants but obviously doesn't because have you seen some of the outfits?! The name escapes me but someone on the show called out everyone dressing like they were 35 right before fashion finally threw itself down three flights of stairs to pass in a respectable manner.
That’s what you do after waking up and finding yourself on life support from being declared ‘over,’ ‘obsolete’ and ‘pointless’ countless times for decades. Such horrific headlines and worst of all, no one who declared it dead ever bothered to throw it funeral. Well, there’s no pretty there.
We say, good for you fashion. We can run with your tips and style now so leave you to finally rest in peace. We’ve raised the dead too many times. I swear dignity exists only because we still have the word for it.
I think.
D-I-G-N-I-T-Y.
Yes. It’s all there. Ok. Great. Now we’ve held a private service and said our goodbyes. Please style on and leave fashion be.
BTW - This... yes, this whole post thing is PRIDE. Nuance darling, nuance. We taught you this upfront when we went over infractions.
Ok. So, believe it or not, all of this hullabaloo actually leads us up to....
Just The Fashion Tip #9328 : Tops and bottoms are not required to communicate either.
Right?!? We do more than blow minds around here at BradAndChris.com.
Great WERQ boiz. When the gays do pedestrian, they DO PEDESTRIAN!
Could he be a Daddy at 22? Brad did not know how age played into it.
Luckily, the spat between Brad and Chris ended when their neighbor Luke stepped in to announce the pool party he hosted was on Memorial Day. It was Labor Day, and no, they were not the same holiday. Juneteenth was also it’s own thing and indeed was new in an official capacity. It had been around for quite some time in reality so it was nice to finally see it recognized.
Luke then offered to stir up some taco dip if Brad and Chris wanted to stay.
Well, this was sufficiently awkward. This was by far Brad and Chris’ biggest infraction since the diagnosis debacle.
That’s a word correct? Debacle?
Anyway, how the h-e double hockey sticks were they going to get out of this one?
Maybe Chris would take another picture. (Click!)
Brad and Chris’ neighbor Luke didn’t get it. Why would he cut the cord? The phone would no longer work, and it would ruin the whole look. He also paid his ex’s AT&T bill a year in advance and felt he should get something out of it.
“Orange?!?” Dang nab it. That busts a rhyme.
Luke came back to Brad and Chris after conducting reconnaissance on the new guy.
Chris so called it.
He was all the same age, from Massachusetts, also an underwear model like Brad and Chris, and in the middle of a shoot as a body double for Macho Man the movie. He was playing the construction worker for the stripper scenes as the actor can’t keep his weight in check. Of all things, his name was Harry.
Brad then said he thought it would be almost funny if Harry’s last name was Lucille or Spotter.
It was day four of the championship and no one could stop talking about Luke’s new clear glasses.
Becky predicted a short-lived modeling career for Brad and Chris' neighbor, Luke.
It’s my fashion face. Why?
Is it weird?
Please tell me if it’s weird.
Brad and Chris’ neighbor Luke made it big when he coined the term ‘mankini’ on National Bartender’s Day.
It was somewhat fitting given his dad invented the rear windshield wiper on St Patricks Day. Until his father’s stroke of luck, Luke drew lines on his socks with marker after every third wash.
No one could touch Luke’s shadow or his prized striped socks. The rest was fair game.
