The Merry Thieves - Tumblr Posts
Cassie needs to give us a collection of short stories about the Merry Thieves
How Christopher Really Made James's Gun
Thomas: What are you doing
Christopher: I'm making a holy gun that can shoot demons!
Thomas: Why are you setting it on fire
Christopher: I'm burning the hell out of it
Thomas: ...
James: Thomas, we're hungry!
Christopher: Thomas! What's for dinner?
Matthew: We're hungry, Thomas!
Thomas, frying a bottle of ketchup over the stove: * screams *
The Merry Thieves Incorrect Quotes
James: A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.
Matthew: An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel.
Thomas: A realist sees a freight train.
Christopher: The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks.
James: Those darn tall old people.
Matthew: Darn em' indeed.
Christopher: Don't worry, they'll be gone soon enough.
Thomas: * sharpening knife* Yes.Dead.
The Merry Theives: ...
Thomas: Hahaha.
Thomas: ...Is this self- destructive behaviour?
James: I am darkness. I am power. I am your worst nightmare. I could kill a man in more ways than you can imagine. I am the night. I am fury, I am a weapon, I am-
Thomas: A doll.
Christopher: A cinnamon roll.
Matthew: A sweetheart.
James:
James: ...stop it.
James: *Screams*
Matthew: * Screams louder to assert dominance*
Thomas: Should we do something?
Christopher, observing: No, I want to see who wins this.
If the TLH gang went ice skating
James and Lucie went so many times with Tessa and Will they’re pretty skilled at it. Impressing Jesse and Cordelia, who both have to learn from the ground up.
Matthew of course is elegant af on ice, but still falls all the time because of his antics, starting squabbles with everyone and racing around recklessly.
No one knows why, but Grace absolutely slays, basically looking like an ice princess. She tries to help Kit even though he struggles, constantly falling over his own feet. He pulls her down by accident at one point and apologises profusely, but she just starts laughing and throws a snowball at him.
Alastair is fucking terrified, but Thomas, who used go go ice skating with his sisters, convinces him to at least try. Alastair doesn’t let go of Thomas for almost the entire time they’re on the ice. Thomas valiantly fights off Matthew for him.
Anna is practiced and elegant, and patiently teaches Kamala, occasionally catching her in her arms whenever she falls.
Lucie and Jesse can’t stop being silly and end up rolling around the ice half the time.
Matthew initiates squabbles with James until they’re both soaking wet and panting, but is at his best gentlemanly behaviour with Cordelia.
Cordelia doesn’t have any practice but puts her mind to mastering it anyways, and she manages to almost outrace James by the end of the night. He wins, but turns around and catches her in his arms at the last second.
We all know why Thomas is so distracted, but can we talk about how this is most definitely Kit inventing Fire Messages and we will get to watch him do this? (Also I haven’t thought about it before but like - of course one of his greatest and most impactful inventions involves setting stuff on fire every time you use it.)
Their friendship just means everything to me-
TLH ART LIVE WALLPAPERS
I don’t even have the live wallpaper feature but I still made these because I like glittery gifs and I’m in love with Cassie’s TLH art. The contrast is intentionally low so they can be used as background for anything.
EDIT -> these get absolutely shredded upon download, so here’s a link in case anyone actually wants to use them:
Matthew is going through it with his friend’s problematic chrushes. Actually they’re all going through it.
Someone needed to do this
Kermit as TLH characters in ChoT
Part 2 (inspired by this post)
Thomas for the entire book
Magnus involuntarily witnessing the teen drama (again)
Alastair reading Thomas’ fire message
Tatiana after being stabbed by Cordelia
Kit whenever someone mentions Grace
Charles in Alicante
Lucie every time she kisses/touches Jesse
The remaining squad alone in the institute
James with Matthew whenever they interact
Enjoy my low effort, low quality tlh memes inspired by Classical Art Memes on Instagram
something that kinda upsets me way more than it probably should is how Kit is constantly drawn as the shortest of the the Thieves in fanart even though he’s literally the same height as James, aka pretty tall. it just feels like people assume he’s tiny because of the character trope he falls into? it feels a little infantilising as well? it just bothers me even though obviously i have no hard feelings for the artists who are all absolutely amazing. it just seems to be an assumption a lot of people fall into easily.
let's discuss why alastair carstairs is perhaps the saddest character in tlh because i'm bored and boredom apparently breeds productivity
let's start with the obvious alastair spent his childhood protecting his mother and sister from the failings of an absent, alcoholic father. he was a child but he bore the responsibilities of an adult and though he never complained a piece of his innocent heart darkened and became embittered every time he hid an empty bottle or dragged his father to bed.
but that wasn't enough alastair was still a child when he went to school, and though he knew far more of human weakness and vice than a child his age should comprehend, he carried a hope to finally fit in and grow roots after a lifetime drifting. but he arrives to a welcome that is not welcome, but mocking for something he cannot change. these people will not look beneath the dark skin and hair and eyes to the lonely and strikingly intelligent boy underneath so he turns that cutting wit into a weapon. if he attacks first they cannot hurt him. he will fight to protect himself because they don't care to understand why the quiet, brilliant boy is so quick to fire insults with blazing eyes and steady smirk.
and yet, even after his life is threatened by the very boy who mocked him in the first place, he held onto hope for love. if there was one thing alastair knew, it was to love. he loved deeply and fiercely and he was innocent for after all he suffered should he not be allowed a great love? and so he fell in love with a man he could not have and who he was far too good for, but what did that matter when the man cared enough to notice his existence? if their relationship had to be a secret, it was no difference to alastair. after all, the real alastair has been a secret all these years. you cannot hide someone who has already been buried. what was one more secret?
until the man betrayed their love for a woman he would not, could not love. and though he was not at fault, he took it as though it were. but that was alright because the trend in his life seemed to point that the fault usually lay with him. it was alright because his sister finally learned of the lengths he went through to keep her innocence intact. for the first time, he felt a true camaraderie with his sister whom he sacrificed everything for.
and then, he noticed that she would never truly understand what alastair had gone through. despite everything he'd done, everything he'd sacrificed for her, she still chose her father over him. so he withdrew once again, his walls coming up though his thorns were no longer spiky. he didn't go beyond what he needed to, he owed these people no apology for actions that were beyond his control. he understood that now.
he even found a new love, but it was one that could never be. for the man himself did not love him enough to bring their love to light and his friends wanted alastair's head on a pike. he's okay with all of that though, because if there's one thing alastair knows, it's that his happiness will never be.
James: WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!
Matthew: A bad person, most of the time.
James: Bro...do you want to talk?
Days Past: Paris, 1902
Thomas Lightwood and Alastair Carstairs
I honestly live for these two.