Toji Angst - Tumblr Posts

{SMAU}: toji getting jealous and mean with reader!

{warnings}: profanity, slutshaming, reader is referred to as “woman”, “mama”, petnames (doll, baby, pretty), angst/comfort.

̗̀➛ gojo’s version , geto’s version , nanami’s version!

⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*⭑

@sobluesstuff here ya go!

⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*⭑

I’M CRYING WHATSHSJENNE😭😭😭 this is so sad i love it so much.

[ DRABBLE ] 𝐒𝐔𝐆𝐀𝐑 𝐁𝐀𝐁𝐘 ! ( ninth installment ) in which you find toji fushiguro’s number off a sugar baby site .

୨୧˚ part; one. two. three. four. five. six. seven. eight. nine.

୨୧˚ incl; toji fushiguro

୨୧˚ cw; sugar mommy! reader , sugar baby! toji , mentions of sex , profanity , crying , angst

୨୧˚ an; does anyone even care about this anymore LMDOAOO but for real, i’m sorry for how late this part got out. i am battling severe writers block it is dangling me by the BAWLLSSS,, im thinking that this series is coming to a close soon and i never meant for it to get this deep but here we are 🦝 thank you all for being so patient with me i lob you

୨୧˚ join my discord server ! we share headcanons, fanfic recs, color roles, and more drooling emoji

There was something about thunderstorms that Toji always felt drawn to. They were great; overbearing in a way, rolling through and burying a perfectly fine day under gallons of rainwater and gray skies. Authoritative, condemning humans to take shelter lest they wish to drown in its fruits. Suffering the consequences; soaked-through clothes and sopping hair. He watches the pane of glass at the roof, a skylight barred into the flat of your high rise ceilings. The rain storm had reduced it into nothing but a drab, dusty square, baring the pelts of precipitation like punishment. Toji holds you in your bed. Your weight drapes across his chest like a blanket, your head tucked beneath the cut of his chin.

“Do you like the rain, Toji?”

He felt naked, both in the literal and metaphorical sense. The silken sheets that wrap your mattress were unfamiliar against this flesh, cold and slippery. Regretting the forfeit of pajamas. You two had shared a shower after dinner, of which you held him with all the sentiment in the world. Toji fucking hates when people stand at his back. He doesn’t like it, feeling a presence before seeing them. But he let you stay centimeters behind, working peach and ginger scented shampoo into the roots of his scalp. When he was a boy and his mother had yet to find a place in the Zenin's private graveyard, he vaguely remembers receiving analogous strokes of care from the only family member in his life who didn’t see him as a filthy disgrace. Mom bathed him like this, scrubbing blood and tarnish from his cheeks with a threadbare handkerchief in that tin can he called a tub. All that fucking family money, but a new washcloth or a proper bathtub was never in the cards for him. He remembers mom apologizing often when she washed him.

Toji fucked you in the shower. A difficult means of having sex, sure, but slippery surfaces and soap in the eyes weren’t enough to quell that undying twist of hunger. So he took you against the sleek porcelain wall with his hands shelving beneath the curve of your ass and your legs constricting at his waist. You guided him to a quick orgasm with spouts of hushed praises spoken to his ear; he was certain you didn’t cum, didn’t feel that cute clench you did the first night you two slept together, but you lied and told him you did with a reassuring grin. Why did you lie?

“It’s fine, I guess.” A hand caressed your thigh, the one that was slung over and hiked up onto his stomach. Toji grazed his nails over your flesh, mindless and dejected.

Thunder clapped, then lightning struck, and all Toji could think in the moment was about you and him. Together. Stark nude in bed with limbs entwined. He, the thunder; loud and fierce. Scary, enough to make little children and small animals shake and cower in the corner with fear. You’re more like lightning, he supposes. Elegant and powerful, something so naturally beautiful. 

You will hear thunder and remember me.

More thunder boomed. Toji squeezes your body tighter. “I like that.”

“Like what?” He asks.

You trace wobbly circles against his collar bone, avoiding the slices of silvery skin that raised off the plain of skin. Scars, Toji was doused in gauges. Scraped up head to toe, and he could feel your eyes dart lazily between each and every one of them. “I like the thunder,” comes your reply, followed by a small, bashful shrug. “Ever since I was a kid.”

Toji scoffs. Fuckin’ mind reader. “Liar. Nobody likes thunder.”

“Don’t call me a liar,” you slap his cheek playfully. “I mean it. The quiet can be disturbing sometimes. But to me, thunder is so… human-like? Makes me forget I’m alone.”

This has the man tossing his head back against your feathered pillow. “You’re so full of shit.”

Another stroke of brooding thunder rapped against the window like knock, and if Toji was a believer in the Gods above, he’d curse every last one of them for their shitty comedic timing. You’re giggling into his neck; Toji can feel warm puffs of breath fan over his pulse point. “See?” You ask through a grin. “He came back to yell at you.” He, referring to the crack of thunder. Toji rolls his eyes. Leaves a pinch at your thigh.

“Hey, what did you say before?” Toji walked his fingertips down the curve of your spine, stopping just above your ass. “The fuckin’—the french thing?”

How did it go again? Tu mas something?

It took a moment for you to decipher what he was talking about.

“Tu m'as manqué, Toji?”

Toji bit down on the tip of his tongue, stifling a smile at the grandeur in which you held when speaking the delicate French language. He nods, “what’s it mean?” 

“Means ‘I miss you’.” Is he melting? Liquifying into a disgusting puddle beneath your prying palms, soaking into the bed sheets. You lament over his absence, spitting such pure genuine inflections that Toji is inclined to believe you when you tell him just how much you missed his unlawful presence. Like a stray dog that you offhandedly feed every now and again, praying for its safe and soon return back on your doorstep, digging into the leftover scraps of meat you’ve so kindly plated on the stoop. He’s that washed-up, flea ridden, unabashedly feral mutt that can’t help but crawl back to the idea of home. “I missed you. A lot.”

Toji doesn’t think you’ve ever sounded so vulnerable. Not even in the throes of passion when he’d had you spread and wet for him did you sound like this. Small and volatile, yet self-assured all the same. How the fuck do you manage to balance such contrasting notions? A witch, you must be something of the sort. 

There’s a gap of longing silence that fills the room; Toji concludes that you wait for him to return the gesture. So he does, “I did, too.” It’s the cold, hard truth, and he gives it to you on a silver platter. “Thought about you.”

And he’d leave that there. It was a much sweeter sentiment than to admit that he thought about you particularly often in those bloody showers with his hand wrenched around his hard on. Leaves much room for you to wonder. 

You hum. 

More quiet. He is fond of the quiet moments with you. 

“This looks fresh.” Ruined peace. He feels your thumb pad prod ever so gently at the teared flesh of his pec, the same one you used as your own personal pillow. It was inflamed, red and angry unlike the plethora of other battle scars which have now faded into a cooler pinkish tone with time. You were right; it was new. Nothing but a little switchblade slash—one of the men Toji had decimated this past week was armed. It was a careless mistake, one that had no real impact or effect, Hell, he barely felt the paper cut. But it impacted you, he noticed. “Does it hurt?” A fingertip whispers over the wound, and he flinches. 

Not because it’s painful, but because your gingerness made him sick to his stomach. Never more than in this moment did Toji feel so guilty for accepting your tender touches, wishing to holy Hell his conscience would allow him to bite his tongue. To let you keep thinking of him as some down-on-his-luck middle aged man with a shit job and no money to his name. 

“Don’t touch,” it’s quick, the way he snatching your wrist. Sturdy bone crushed under the bruising grip of his shaky fist. He didn’t mean to grab you so roughly. You’re taken aback by the outburst. 

“I’m sorry.” It’s a meager apology that doesn’t sound right spilling from your lips. It’s trembly and skittish, and your eyes widen coquettishly to flit between his face and the iron-clad grip that joins you together. “I’m—I should’ve asked you first.”

His breathing pattern was off its axis. Shit, shit what is he doing? Toji let’s go, flinching his hand far from your arm like you burned him. He shakes his head. “Didn’t mean to grab you, I didn’t mean to.” Toji pushes up from the warmth of your bed—from the warmth of you—and scans the floor for his boxers. 

You reluctantly part from him, gathering the blanket up over your chest as a makeshift barrier between bare flesh and the chilled air-conditioned bedroom. “What are you doing, Toji?” You sound sad. He finds his boxers. They’re balled up, discarded on the far end of your too-fucking-gigantic bedroom. “Toji!”

He keeps his back toward you, mechanically stepping into his underwear and dragging them up over his hips. It’s fucking gross, feeling the crunch of dried semen as the fabric contorts, but it’s ultimately ignored. “Thanks for dinner, you’re a fuckin’ A chef.” Toji spots his sweatpants nearby. 

“You got that new cut at work.” You’ve made a power move to ditch the comforter, stepping down into the carpet wearing nothing but your birthday suit. The tone of yours shifts, a steep incline from sweet and patient to demanding and accusatory, and Toji doesn’t like that one fucking bit. His sweatpants on, he tosses you a glance over his shoulder. 

“It was an accident.”

“Is that right?” Your brows furrow, gesturing to his torso. His marred, battered, abused torso. “Just covered in accidents then?”

Now he faces you, looks you in the eyes despite your naked form. “Pretty much.” Each lie tastes acidic, like that soupy bile he spits out before vomiting. “Thanks for dinner.” He makes an attempt to stalk past to the door, foregoing the shirt because he couldn’t give less of a fuck about it. Probably lost in a forgotten corner of your room, and with the way his heart raced against his rib cage, Toji wasn’t sure he’d survive long enough in this stuffy room to find it. So he thanks you again with an air of finality, only to be stopped. Your hand is flat against the center of his chest, pressed over the beat of his heart. No doubt about it, he’s sure you can feel that manic tempo. 

Beat, beat, beat. 

“I really thought we were getting somewhere.” You start quietly, voice hovering just above a whisper. His eyes stay fixed on the tiny hand that has glued itself to his sternum. “I thought we… I thought… I don’t fucking know, okay?

I like you. I like you so much, Toji.”

I like you too. “I…” like you I like you I like you. 

“Don’t feel like you have to reciprocate anything. These are complicated feelings, I know that. It’s a lot to spring on a person, but it’s the truth. I’m giving you my truth, and I need you to do the same because I don’t know if I can take another week of you disappearing for however long only to return like… like this!” You gesture to the red gash. “I care about you, and I want to help you. That’s all I’ve ever wanted, but you make it so fucking difficult.”

It felt as though every saliva particle had been vacuumed out of his mouth, leaving a dry desert plain for a tongue. He's never been so at a loss for words before, you actually rendered him speechless. Finally, finally, after a minute of gaping like a stupid fish out of water, Toji finds his bearings. 

“You’re a good person, Y/n.” He peels your hand off him. “And I’m not.” Toji moves to disconnect hands, but yours follows him, clamping them back together. He can’t find the strength to let go, knowing good and well that his palm was clammy as shit. 

Your brows pinch, knitting with confusion at the seemingly random proclamation. “I mean, sure you can be kind of a dick sometimes, but I don’t think—”

You don’t understand. So unscathed by the bleakness of this world, your definition of a bad person is someone who’s ’kind of a dick sometimes.’ Toji’s frown deepens, and he shakes his head, bangs bouncing with the movement. Your fancy conditioner made his hair feel soft against his forehead. “That’s surface level shit. You don’t understand what I’ve done.” 

“So tell me—”

“I can’t.” The word cracks in his throat, and he coughs around it. Choking on it like he did your pretty fingers in the kitchen. “Don’t you get that? If it was that easy…”

“Tell me.” Your voice grows calm, yet stern. Aggressive in the gentlest of ways, coaxing the truth to light. Arms crossed over your bosom, you jut a chin in Toji’s direction. “Because I’m really sick and fucking tired of you treating me like I’m incapable of comprehension. I’ll understand.”

You won’t. He knows you won’t. 

Time grows slow and thick like molasses; Toji feels caught in the midst of an unwinnable battle. Either direction he takes—to come clean, to dance around the truth some more, to lie—will only serve to worsen things to an unfortunate degree. He stalls. Scratches at his jagged jaw dusted with faint stubble. Then, he paws over the masculine plates of his abdomen, feeling his own flesh. There isn’t any warmth to him anymore. Every ounce of humanity had leaked from Toji’s soul, leaving him to become this cold, withering husk of a man. 

When his mouth finally peels open, it takes effort. Like his teeth had been welded together by one of those chewy caramel-coated candies Shiu keeps in his glove compartment. 

“I’m a killer.”

A strange sensation splashed over Toji. Maybe it was relieving to finally share that tidbit of himself, to get his shame out in the open and off his chest. His shoulders felt a little lighter, his joints felt a little looser. This high didn’t last forever, though, and soon he was plummeting back down to Earth when your horror-stricken voice shook in his ears. 

“That’s not a funny joke.”

“Wouldn’t joke. Not about that.” He swirls the built-up saliva in his mouth.

Your eyes were wide, never leaving him. “You… you kill people? For money?”

Begrudgingly, “yes.”

You sputter. “How do you expect me to believe something so—so unimaginable?” Your brows sewed themselves, drawn close in absolute bewilderment. Hinging on the cusp between puking and laughing in his stupid face. “This is insane, Toji.”

He scoffs quietly. “Ain’t fuckin’ lying woman.” No saccharine ma’am. “Wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my mouth. I had to fight to live.” A low blow, but you didn’t seem to take it to heart, far too distracted by your own disturb. 

Toji wasn’t prepared for how much this was going to hurt. The disgusted way you looked at him, something you’d never ever done before, made him barely able to contain his quiver. He deserves every morsel of your animosity, but knowing he deserved it didn’t make it any less painful. Toji felt you scanning, analyzing every scar wedged into his torso. His arms. His neck. His face. He sees you making connections, noticing healed-over bullet wounds and knife attacks for what they were: hideous. He watches you make connections, visualizing a new scenario for each scar; for each life he’s taken and how they desperately fought back against him for mercy. Toji’s body bears the story of hundreds of deaths, and you look sick to your stomach at the realization of what he truly is. 

An ugly monster. 

“Oh my God.” You’re hushed, speaking to yourself. “How many people, Toji?”

He grimaced. “I lost count.”

“Oh my God…” Your hand is pressed to your hairline, and you look exasperated to all Hell. Crazed, maybe. As though he’d just rocked your entire world.

Toji interjects with unnecessary commentary. “I told you. I said you would never understand.”

“No, n-no I understand plenty.” Then, you smile, but it’s not one you’d ever bore to Toji before. It lacks any kindness. It’s empty and unloving. “You’re a murderer.”

He winces. Killer and murderer were synonymous, but for some odd reason being called a murderer was a different type of wrench to the gut. “Yeah.” Toji nods. For the right price, he has slaughtered, fucked, and even sold a few peripheral organs. Because money is everything. Money is food. Money is shelter. Money is life itself. But money isn’t you. 

“Get the fuck out of my home.”

You look terrified of him. Toji is frozen stiff.

“I said go! Fucking leave!” Suddenly, you're rushing to collect your crumpled outfit from the floor, feeding your limbs through the small pair of panties and that oversize bed shirt. Amongst the frenzy to get dressed, you snatch your phone from the bedside table and frantically scrawl over the screen with clumsy fingers. Toji sees tears track down your cheeks, they glint from the light emanating off the cellphone. “Or I’ll call the police.”

And turn in what evidence? He’s too good at what he does, Toji doesn’t leave paper trails behind. But he lets you think you have the power to get him in cuffs. You’re already so frightened, clinging to your phone with trembling hands.

“Go ahead. Call them.” His words are lifeless. Lifeless with a touch of irritation. Spat with malice because you would never understand the life he lives, despite how much you’ve preached to him that you would. You teased him, dangling this idea of a normal life in front of his face. One without lies and secrecy, just you and him and this almighty penthouse. This would more than likely be the last exchange between the both of you, the last time Toji would ever look you in the eyes again, and it angered him. All good things have expiration dates. “You know where I live.”

“Just… Fucking leave.” Christ, you were shaking like a leaf. Was it out of fear? Or anger, maybe? Probably a combination of both. Toji gets a few more seconds of stillness in, spent entirely on gulping down eyefuls of you. Even now, face twisted up and cheeks wet from tears, you look so fucking gorgeous. His savior, the one who showed him how to feel again. 

“Okay.” 

He collects himself, puts on a presence of nonchalant coolness. Like walking out of your bedroom wasn’t the most difficult thing he’s had to do in years. Never-minding the shirt, he walks to the door without sparing a glance back over his shoulder. 

Toji leaves. It’s raining, and he is shirtless and sopping wet. Thunder rumbles. 

You will hear thunder and remember me. 

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What if?

Toji x Reader

Fluff, angst, happy ending. What if Toji survives his battle with Gojo. What if he has a happy ending with his son and you…

My heart was pounding in my chest. He said it would be a quick mission. He said it would be his last one for a long time. Toji promised me that he would come home safe and that he didn’t need my help this time. But where is he? It’s been a day longer than he said. Maybe he’s hurt? Do I need to go find him? Did he take longer than needed? Is he dead…? My vision blurred at that thought and my heart broke into tiny fragments. I can’t lose him. He’s gone through so much with me and I can’t lose him. Toji, where are you?

Toji’s son, Megumi, is in my arms as I wait by the window. Hoping to see my lover walk by. I can tell he misses his father the same way I do. Megumi has always been a quiet boy. He keeps to himself reading books about various animals to pass the time. It took months for him to warm up to me, but I’m glad he did. He calls me mom now and I feel extremely honored because of that. I’ll never replace his birth mother, but I’ll do my best to be a good mom for him. I just fear that I won’t be able to raise him with Toji.

The sun was setting. The warms colors illuminating the scenery. It was a beautiful sunset. But I could not enjoy it knowing my Toji wasn’t home. Finally turning from the window I noticed Megumi looking at me. My heart broke looking at the tears in his eyes. He was trying to hold it in, but I knew his limits.

“Is he gone.” Megumi said solemnly

“I don’t know, I just don’t know?” I said as reared welled up in my eyes.

I opened my arms wide to him. Coxing him into my arms. He looked at me and finally let his tears go. He ran to me and held me tighter than he ever had before. It hurt hearing him cry. He truly loves his father even if they had a bumpy past together. We stayed like this for what felt like an hour. Looking into his eyes I made a promise to myself that I would always protect and love him.

“Good to know I would’ve been missed.” Said a deep voice behind me.

My head snapped and my heart felt whole as I saw the image of my lover, Toji. He looked extremely beat up. His face had many cuts and bruises. There was blood soaked on his pants. And his hair was disheveled. But other than that, he was okay.

I got up and quickly embraced him. Doing my best not to squeeze too much because of his injuries. His strong arms wrapped around my small figure. One of his hands touched the back of my head and stroked it lovingly. God it felt so good to be in his arms once more. Now knowing that my Toji was safe and home.

Then I heard the footsteps of Megumi and felt his small arms embracing the two of us. Megumi and I cried with joy and relief knowing he was home. The three of us stayed like this for awhile just being together again. Toji broke the embrace and began taking.

“I’m sorry for makin the two of ya worry. Thought this was gonna be an easy mission ya know. Turns out a little punk was a lot harder to fight than I thought. I was almost a goner. I told him I couldn’t die yet. That I had to take care of my son and my woman. He asked for you names and the shock on his face when I told him yours y/n.” Toji explained.

“Wait, who did you fight and why would he be shocked?” I questioned.

“ The punks name was Satoru Gojo, the so called honored one. The little shit kept goin on about how strong he was.” Toji said irritated.

“Oh my god!” I exclaimed

“That’s the kid I met when I was a third year and he was a first year. He always boasted about his strength and I told him to not to be so damn cocky because one day he might eat his words.” I said

“Good thing you knew him then. Or else I might have not come home to you sweetheart.” Toji said with tears in his eyes.

I grabbed his face and assured him that he as home as that he was safe. That megumi and I are thankful that our little family was whole again. Wiping the tears away, I slowly pressed my lips against his and shared a passionate yet sweet kiss.

“Ewwwwwwwwww!” Megumi exclaimed in disgust

“Look I get you guys love each other and all, but that’s just gross!”

“Whatever ya say kid.” Toji said while laughing.

Smiling I felt peace knowing this was my family and that no matter what, no one again could split us apart. And now if Toji has long missions I’ll come along and protect him. I am a skilled sorcerer and now more than ever I need to help protect my family.

“I love you Toji” you whispered

“Yeah I know, and I love ya too” Toji responded staring in your eyes.

“Gross!” Megumi chimed in visibly disgusted at his parents display of affection.

Thank you all for reading ❤️

I felt there weren’t as many Toji fics where he isn’t having sex with the reader. While I do like those and do plan on making some smut fics, I simply felt he needed something wholesome.

•I do NOT own any characters except y/n•

Please feel free to request, comment, and reblog

Click here to see what I’ll write for and HERE for my master list.

-L.W.L

Knowing Him

Toji Fushiguro x fem!Reader

Angst, Fluff. You reflect on your feelings for Toji. Art not mine.

Your pov

Its been nearly a month now since I’ve seen him. He comes and goes as he pleases, never staying more than a week at a time. He says he’s working and that his job is extremely demanding, but pays really well. I always think that if it pays well, then why does he never have any money?

I met him years ago and was completely shocked by how handsome he was. He’s tall and extremely muscular. He’s got this scar on his lip and his eyes are a beautiful forest green. He’s a very cocky man with a strong sense of confidence that I’ve never seen in a man. It’s almost like he’s convinced that he’s strong and so nothing can touch him. It took him a while to open up to me. First it was just sex between us, but he slowly started staying and telling me about his fears and his past. I felt grateful that he did so, but now I’m not so sure.

I miss him dearly and to be honest I’m not sure if he’s dead or alive. I’m scared for him. I know he’s strong, but he’s not invincible. I know that by the number of times I’ve had to patch him up after he would stumble into my house covered in blood. I just wonder if he got so hurt that he couldn’t manage to find the strength to come here so I could help him. Or maybe he got tired of me and found somewhere else to stay? I just hope that he’s alive.

1 Month Later…

Toji’s Pov

This job has taken me a lot longer than expected. The fucker has been tough to find. Took me nearly two months just to find this asshole and put a bullet in his head. I’m tired and all I can think about right now is her. I’ve known her for a while now. I guess she’s about the only person I consider someone I care about. She’s always been so gentle and caring to me. I don’t deserve her kindness though. I know I don’t. Hell, the best way I can say thank you is fucking her brains out after she helps me. Pretty shitty, but at least it’s really good sex.

I want to go see her I want to be in her arms tonight. But at the same time I don’t want her to be nagging about if I’m okay. Of course I’m not, but I can’t tell her that. I can’t tell her that I’ve missed her. If she knew, I don’t think she’d respond well to my softness. I haven’t had these thoughts or feelings for another woman since my late wife. She was everything to me and the only person I vowed to love. Or so I thought.

Guess my feelings got in the way of my thinking because I find myself standing at her front door. It’s sunset now, I’ve been standing here for about five minutes just thinking about what I’m going to say to her or how I’m even going to say it. After composing myself, I began knowing on the door. Part of me hopes she doesn’t open up and that she’s fast asleep. But soon enough I hear the door unlock and here her sweet voice.

“Toji?” She says in shock. “Where have you been and why haven’t you contacted me?”

“Sorry sweetheart I’ve been really busy with work lately. But I can promise ya that I won’t be workin for a little while.” I say

“You didn’t answer my question, but I guess I’m just glad that you’re okay.” She answers

“Sorry, but I can’t say. I just need to tell you something that I’ve been holding on to for a little while now.” I answer honesty

“Well, what is it?” I she questions

“Y/n I have no idea how to tell you this. And I don’t even know how you feel about this.” I mumbled. “Fuck it, y/n I think I love ya sweetheart.” I practically yelled

She stands there shocked. Now I feel like shit. Guess she doesn’t feel the way that I do. I knew It was a bad idea. Guess I was right not to give up my heart again to someone. I began to leave until I hear her call out to me. When I turned around, her lips were on mine.

Your pov

I’m kissing him. I’ve done it many times before this. But now it feel different. It’s full of passion and dare I say, love. It’s warm, and my hear beating faster than it ever has. We broke our kiss and I look up into his eyes.

“Toji, I love you too” I say with a smile.

“You had me worried there for a second, but I’m glad sweetheart, I’m really glad.”

This moment and any moment with Toji, my lover, makes me realize how glad it is that I know him. And now I’m excited for what’s to come.

Thank you so much for reading. I hope you enjoyed. ❤️

•I do NOT own any characters except y/n•

Please feel free to request, comment, and reblog

Click here to see what I’ll write for and click HERE for my master list.

-L.W.L

Bloody Lover

18+

Toji Fushiguro x fem!Reader

Smut, Fluff, slight angst, mentions of blood, floor sex, chocking, hand job, slight Sub Toji/Dom Toji, slight Dom reader/Sub reader. Toji comes home covered in blood, and you do your best to patch him up.

Your Pov

We was late, very late. This was the usual though as his job required his schedule to be all over the damn place. I couldn't help but worry about him though. He never told me what his job was, but he always came back with cuts and bruises that I would patch up. Suddenly I hear a knocking at my door. I knew exactly who it was, so I got up with a sigh and opened my apartment door.

"Hey there doll," Toji said with a sly smile. Had a boqeut of my favorite flowers in his right hand as his left hand was clutching his side. He was covered in blood and it looked like only some of it was his.

"Hey there, looks like you go the shit beat out of you." I responded letting him through the door. Toji set my flowers on my kitchen counter and then made his way to my couch.

"Hey, look I know that you're injured, but there is no way in hell you're going to sit on my couch!" I proclaimed

"Aww come on, please?" He pleated

"No Toji, shit your ass on the wooden chair." I said enphizing wooden.

"Fine." He said sulking to the chair in the kitchen. He then sat down and as he did, he groaned.

"I'm going to go get the med kit, just hang tight." I assured him

After getting the med kit. I made my way back to Toji who was already convienently shirtless, anticipating me. Even though he was covered in blood, my breath hitched in sexual discomfort. He was a beautiful sight. From his chiseled body to his striking green eyes and jet black unruly hair. He was beautiful and every time I saw him, no matter what the state, he takes my breath away.

I pushed my thoughts away as I walked towards him, pulling out a chair to start patching him up. He winched as I began cleaning his wound I then looked up at him giving a reassuring smile. I knew he could handle the it, but I still never liked seeing him in pain. As I worked on his side, I could feel his eyes on me. He always looked so curious when I patched him up, like it was a foreign thing, even though I've done it thousands of times. As soon as I was done, I placed a water proof bandage on his side, making sure that when he took a bath his wound would be protected.

"Thanks doll, you're probably the only reason I ain't got an infection right now." He complimented looking in my eyes.

"You're welcome, where would you be without me?" I joked going to my hall and putting the med kit back in my closet. "Hey, you can stay here tonight, but you gotta take a bath before you do." I half yelled at him, trying to not wake my neighbors.

"Alright, sweet cheeks I'll take a bath, but only if you bathe me." he said. I turned around only to see Toji standing right in front of me peering down at me.

"Sounds good to me." I said stepping closer to him, brushing my hand against his clothed dick. "I'll meet you in there." I whispered biting his left ear.

As I walked away from my bloody lover, I heard him chuckle at my boldness. Walking to the bathroom, I made a beeline for the tub. As sexy as Toji is, he really stinks right now and I really can't have him stinking up my apartment any longer. I smile at my internal joke and begin running the bath water, making sure it his favorite temperature; hot. I called Toji in he bath and he came walking in fully naked at this point.

"You gonna stare or can I get into the tub already?" He joked putting his hands on his hips. I rolled my eyes at this and gestured him into the bath.

As he sat in my tub that was a little too small for his size. It was funny seeing this large man fit into a bathtub that was even too small for me, but he didn't seem to complain. I then got on my knees and reached behind me grabbing the plastic cup next to the tub. I then placed the cup under the faucet of running water letting it fill up. Then I poured the water over his blood covered body, using my other hand get the dried blood off his body. I then did the same for his hair, letting the blood pour out of his hair. After all the blood was off his body, I un plugged the drain letting the filthy water go down the drain. Once down, I plugged it once more letting clean water fill up the tub. Grabbing the body wash that I keep specifically for Toji, I poured the musky spelling soap onto my hands, I began to wash him. I made sure to wash every part of him. For my own pleasure I spent extra time lathering his chest. His muscles flexed at my touch as I made my way to his neck, which is his sensitive spot and caused him to groan. Then I made my way to this thighs and slowly touched his now erect dick, pumping it slowly.

"You really want to start this, Doll?' Toji questioned as he grabbed my arm gently, which was strange because he was normally rough with me.

"Do you?" I challenged making lustful eye contact with him as I continued stroking his dick.

Toji didn't respond, but I knew his silence meant that he wanted more, needed more. I worked my hand on his tip stroking it faster than I did before. At this he took in a sharp breath and chuckled at my boldness. I then dipped my other hand into the bath water and used it to pump his dick at the bottom. Toji's head threw back in pure estacy, moaning my name in the process. I knew he needed more, but I felt like teasing him a bit. He was late after all and completly covered in blood. I then slowed my pace, which for Toji, was pure agony.

"Don't tease me Doll," He groaned grabbing my throat, not squeezing too hard, but hard enough to make me draw a quick breath.

To this I smiled and stroked even slower, challenging him further. I knew he needed to release, but I wasn't ready for that just yet. I needed him to beg for me. That wasn't an easy task and yet I was ready for the challenge.

"Beg and I'll go faster and let you cum, pretty boy." I cooed looking his directly in his beautiful forest green eyes.

"Hell no, you know I don't beg doll, but you've been so good to me tonight so maybe I'll play along with your little game." He said with a sly grin on his scarred lips.

"Or maybe you're just too embarashed to admit you need to cum and I won't let you until I get what I want." I said condfidently. This little act of his lasted for about another ten minutes. At this point both of his hands were gripping the tub. His muscles flexed due to his sexual frustration, caused by his pouting. I was still pumping his hard dick slowly never going faster than this pace. My arms were getting tired, but I did not want to give in and neither did he. A few moments later I heard his cute whimpers and I knew he was getting close to giving in.

"Oh fuck Doll, just get it over with." he loudly groaned sweat dripping down his forehead.

"Beg." I commanded

"Fuck it, please make me cum, Y/N." He moaned gritting his teeth.

"Beg more." I said which caused him to whimper.

"Please baby, please! Make me cum!" he exclamimed.

"Good boy." I cooded.

My hands pumped him quicker, stroking his tip as fast my hand could allow and the rest just as fast. His head shot back and his moans were loud. My name became a prayer on his lips as he sang it with pure sexual satisfaction. Soon enough he let out one last loud moan cuming in the tub.

"Good job, baby." I teased smiling wide.

"Shut up." he whispered in defeat

"Now that wasn't so bad, was it?" I questioned standing up and stretching out my knees and back from being in that position for longer that I would've liked.

"Heh, well let's see how you like it." He said and like lightning, he got out of the tub still soaking, picked me up in his arms walking into the bedroom. Toji then set me down on my floor ripping off my clothes with his inhuman strength. I gasped at as the cold air touched my skin after being in the humid bathroom.

"Toji, why are we on the floor?" I questioned, looking into his eyes filled with lust and desire.

"Heh, I wouldn't want to get your pretty sheets wet." He responded as his lips made there way to my neck.

I moaned as something we both have in common, is that our necks are our weak points. He began sucking and biting my next with such passion that my knees felt weak and heat pooled down to my core. His hand made its way to my cunt, rubbing my clit slowly as that's the way I liked it. This man knew my body like no other before him. He then trailed down my now wet body leaving kisses and marks, worshipping my body. His tongue replaced his fingers as he started licking me. His hands then made their way to my nipples, pinching them causing my back to arch and a loud moan leave my lips. I felt him laugh into my cunt licking even slower that he did before. I knew what he was doing, and being on the receiving end of this sexual torture. But like him, I'm not giving up so easily.

"You gonna beg, sweetheart." He cooed into my cunt

"N-no." I cried out.

"You better beg or you ain't gonna cum tonight, Doll." he mumbled with his face still buried in my cunt. After awhile longer I couldn't handle it, I needed to cum.

"Please, Toji I need to cum. Please!" I begged

"I need you to do better than that." He groaned

"Please I need it Toji, make me cum!" I moaned

"Alright sweet heart, don't cha worry I'll take care are of you." He cooed lapping my cunt faster, pinching my nipples harder. I felt myself reaching my peak. Toji's name coming out of my mouth in sexual desire. My climax kept building and building and then finally I snapped, reaching my peak.

"Oh fuck Toji!" I screamed squeezing his head between my thighs.

I didn't even have time to come down from my high when I felt Toji's hands grip my thighs with so much force I was sure I'd find burses on them in the morning. He growled pumping his cock and lining it up with my cunt. "You on birth control, sweet girl?" Toji asked peering down at me with a smirk.

"You know I am, dummy." I laughed

"Just makin sure." He responded

Toji gave me no warning as he slid his dick into me. I gasped at his sudden move. My nails scratched his back which made me groan. His pace was fast and his hand gripped my throat making tears burn in my face. I chocked a moan at this and be looked down at me with a wicked smile. His dick stretched my walls hitting my cervix with his brutal strength.

"You feel good, Doll." He Groaned taking his hand off my neck.

"Oh f-fuck yes." I whined

"Good girl, you gunna make me cum, yeah." he moaned

"Toji please, I'm gonna cum again." I moaned

"Me too sweet girl, me too." He groaned in my ear as one of his hands made its way to my clit rubbing circles on my clit.

"Toji baby, I'm-" I screamed not finishing my snetence as my climax reached its peak once again. Toji then quicken his pace once more just as he reached his climax as well.

"Oh fuck, Doll." He moaned coming down from his high.

We both laid there basking in the after glow of sex. His eyes never left mine and his scarred lips pressed down on mine gently. I touched his cheek with my hand pulling him closer to me, wanting to connect with him even more than I just did. After we broke the kiss, our noses brushed against each other breathing heavily with loving smiles on our faces.

"I love you, Doll." Toji proclaimed. This sudden confession left me wide eyed, but another even bigger smile graced my features.

"I love you too, Toji." I whispered back wrapping my hand around his neck making our lips touch once more.

"Come on sweet girl lets get you cleaned up." He said standing up and picking me up off the floor, heading to the bathroom.

He washed me the same way I did about an hour ago. His hands are calloused, but his touch was so light. And even in the warm water I had goosebumps. I truly did love this man even though he smelled and randomly came to my apartment covered in blood. And I never knew when he was coming back. He made me feel like no other and I knew I would do anything to feel this way always.

"How does my girl feel?' He questioned lifting my chin up so that I could look at him.

"I feel good, love, thank you." I said with content smile

"Anything for you, Doll." Toji whispered looking at me with love filled eyes.

Thank you so much for reading💜I hope this smut was good!

Please feel free to request, comment, and reblog

Click here to see what I’ll write for and HERE for my master list.

•I do NOT own any characters except y/n•

-L.W.L

"Dominant Man gets used and abused"

RATED: M FOR MATURE

18+ CONTENT

Anime: Jujutsu Kaisen

Characters: Toji Zenin, GNReader

⚠️WARNINGS⚠️: Degrading, bondage, blindfolds, SMUT, EXPLICIT LANGUAGE. 18+ CONTENT. Not proofread.

Author note: I love to see dominant men become the ones that get dominanted. Mainly if they are cocky as hell, and brag about how no one can flip the tables. And Toji is one of them.

🌸Feed back is always appreciated! And REBLOGS welcomed! ✨

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Toji Zenin.

A very dominant man, both in work and the bedroom. He hasnt come across many that have tried, to dominate him in the room, and the ones that have tried?

Failed, miserably. Themselves were tied to the bed, used and abused. Tapping out, begging him to stop, that if they came one more time they'd pass out. That at this point it was just over kill.

But did he care?

Hell no, his sadist side was loving it.

He felt prideful of it, and a little sorry for them. They tried and pathetically failed to overpower him.

Of all people, they tried to get HIM to BEG an be the puppet? That just wasn't in his blood.

Or, so he thought.

Though, he hadnt had anyone successfully dominant him. He did kind of want it, just deep down way way deep down. But he would never admit it.

Now though?

He was losing his mind, someone was finally able to dominate him. Tied to the headboard, his hands and ankles cuffed, a blindfold over his eyes. His dick hard, and panting like a bitch.

And he hated it.

"Listen sweet-oh myy gooddd," He started his threat before it was replaced with praise and moans.

Currently going down on him, you knew he was almost at the point of no return if you kept this up.

His moans where the only thing heard, as your head bobbed up and down, pulling the head out. "I didn't give you permission to make noise," You stated before connecting your lips with the little area between the top of his balls and bottom of his shaft.

"Fuck, please, jus... Stop the teasing and let me come," He was begging or on the verge of it. A smirk forming on your lips, pulling away a small cry escaping his lips.

"Are, are you starting to beg? Sweetheart." You teased a wicked grin on your face, if only he could see it in person, he could HEAR it when you spoke.

"No.. Listen little one, let me go, and your punishment wo-please sit down all the way," He started off with a threat, and yet again switched to begging. You were hovering over him, the tip almost in but just out enough for him to start rocking his hips and thrusting up.

Each thrust was met with a whine, as you kept directing your ass up and out of the way.

"If youre a good boy, I might just sit down all the way," You told him, a little note of taunting in your voice.

Taking a deep shakey breath in, Toji nodded, relaxing completely and finally after so long.

Admitting defeat, and allowing himself to be fully dominanted.

A devilish smirk crossed your face, as you slowly squat down on too his erect penis. Moan coming from his and your mouths, " Did I give you permission to make a sound?" You questioned, as you stopped your movements.

"Nno."

"Don't make a sound darling," You told him, sinking down all the way.

Giving yourself time to adjust to his size, savoring the feeling of him in you, before raising your hips, and placing your hands flat on his chest. One hand on either bicep, you began to ride him.

The only noise being sound of skin on skin, and moans.

"M.. May I.. I moan?"

Grabbing at his jaw, "You may, but make it count slut," You told him, and he made it count. The deep grunts and moans slipping past his lips, turned you on more, "Shit, fuck, You sound so pretty and pathetic. Do you like this? Do you like being used? Being tied up and restrained? Youre nothing but my puppet, my bottom bitch."

"I'm nothing but your bottom bitch!" He shouted loud enough for the neighbors to hear, loud enough for your liking.

"Aw, yes you are sweetheart, now tell me how much you love me, using you for my own enjoyment." And that's exactly what he did, told you how much he loved when you bounced on his dick, loved how you slapped him, hit him, bite him and called him names that he never even thought to use.

He was 100% under your spell, under your submission, and not in control.

It was 8 hours later when you decided that he was worn out and used enough to your delight.

"Where are you going?" He spoke, his eyes becoming heavy and his body aching. He hasn't felt this worn out after sex or a fight ever. Turning around at his voice, pulling your jeans up your thighs, and throwing on one of his shirts. "I'm going to go get us some treats. You were a good boy, so I'm rewarding you," You spoke with a teasing tone, looking at him fully now that you were dressed. A smile playing on your features, there he laid, hickeys covering his neck, bite marks decorating his chest and nail marks on his arms. His shoulders, (your favorite part of his body), was littered with teeth marks, hickeys and nail marks. His face was drowsy and his hair was matted to his forehead in the front, the back sticking up in all directions.

Lips swollen and eyes droopy, he nodded his head, a lazy smile gracing his normally stone features. "Be back soon, ya hear? Or you'll regret it."

A laugh soon followed by his statement, "We both know who the dominate one here is sweetheart." You teased before blowing him a kiss, that sent his face red.

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I don't normally write smut, use to ages ago, but hopefully y'all like it! It isn't smut but some undertone.

All rights reserved to animesllut666

"I'd say this guy soul, lost to my body."

Characters: Toji fushiguro x Reader

Anime: Jujutsu Kaisen

Warnings: Mention of prostitute, death/killing, suggestion of sex.

Summary: Toji never lost, he always had his guard up. Till they came across him.

A/N: Feed back is ALWAYS appreciated and Encouraged!

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To say that, Toji Zenin wasn't a masterful and skillful killer would be a lie.

He was the best of the best at killing jujutsu sorcerers, and among other things as well.

Did he care who it was he was about to kill?

Nope.

As long as you had the money, all morales in life and values went out the door.

He never found any issues with killing someone close range or far away, sometimes he liked to see the life drain from their eyes. And other times, he didn't want to get his clothes bloody.

Sure, did he sometimes underestimate the opponent? Absolutely, he could sometimes or rather never admit it.

But right now? He was underestimating the opponent to the fullest. Everything he brought out, and did was deflected.

It ALSO didn't help this person could possess others and was just jumping from body to body for the past week. Their cursed technique being possession or manipulation, they were able to making someone else cursed energy into their own. At least manipulate them into thinking they were possessed.

That's what Toji and his client guessed at least, no one being a hundred percent certain of their technique.

They now he wasn't hunting for them, rather the body now.

The client that wanted them killed had heard rumors that if you found their body an killed it. They would also die in the possessed body. Now, it was just a matter of finding the body.

Which that is were Toji was finding it difficult.

"You don't look to happy there sugar," A sweet velvet voice spoke in Toji ear, his expressionless face meeting the prostitute. "What do you say, we get out of here and, I make you feel better," They asked their overly sweet perfume making him want to throw up.

But, with a nod of his head he followed her outside. Going down the dark alley, he really didn't think anything of it. Sure, he has had his fair share of outdoor hook ups, what was adding one more to the mix?

As they both walked further down the alley, they held onto his had tightly. Swinging it back and forth, occasionally glancing back at him. His nerves were slowly becoming on high alert, they alcohol in his system that was numbing his brain and nerves was dwindling.

Without warning, his back slammed against the brick wall. Lips sealed to his own, a little voice in his head told him to stop. That he HAD to be alert, the target knew what he looked like an what he was after, but with the growing and throbbing dick in his pants now taking over his thoughts.

He didn't care that the person in front of him was changing appearance, that the smell of them wasn't from their perfume. It was their cursed energy, and that slowly but surely they were taking over his soul and body.

Toji already helpless and trying to figure out how to escape this situation as the last bit of his vision faded away. Before it went dark for him, he saw the body drop to the ground. A satisfying smile on their face dead face.

A deep raspy voice broke out through the night, a hand slowly stroking the scar on the lip.

"Well now, Id say this guy soul lost to my body," A humorous laugh broke out through the night. The last thing Toji thought was simple, and resonated with all the others that had gotten there bodies stolen.

'Fuck.'

Season 2 trailer just dropped, and I am having such mixed emotions about it, while I am so hyped to finally see it all become animated. There is a part of me, that is kind dissatisfied with the animation in some regards. But, I want to see more trailers. And GOJO eyes don’t seem, as striking. Maybe it’s because of how bright everything seems to be, compared to season 1. Where season 1, is more dark and daunting. Though, this is way before everything hit the fan, so that may have a factor in it as well.

THESE ARE MY OWN SCREENSHOTS PLEASE DONT USE WITHOUT CREDIT!

Thinking about Toji who…

Is so big in comparison to you.

He’s simply that— big. His shoulders are so broad that when he’s standing behind you, his shadow almost always casts over you. Even if you’re not exactly small yourself, this man is just fucking huge and beefy.

You’d tease him about it too and “joke” about wondering what it’s like to be put in a chokehold by him. He’d probably put you in one too if you asked nice enough.

Isn’t completely broke but damn sure isn’t rich either.

He makes enough money to please you. Although his gambling is a bit of a problem, Toji tries to distract you from it by flattering you with occasional gifts that he bought using his wins.

Toji makes do with the money he has. If he’s not gambling it away, it’s 100% going to you to keep that pretty lil’ smile on your face. He’s happy you weren’t hell bent on marrying a rich man and that you accept him for who he is financially.

Has a breeding kink.

For someone who didn’t do much for his children, he was very determined to fuck you full of his cum after seeing how you sweet-talked some little girl on the street. Something about such a small interaction drove him crazy later that night.

Your legs would he dangling over his big shoulders, body folded exactly how he wants you, pussy sopping with every harsh thrust of his hips as he buried his thick cock inside you over and over again— listening to the way you babble his name and watching how your jaw hangs open, eyes rolled back with drool dripping down your chin.

Fuck, you’re a complete mess but he loves it. Especially with the way your cunt spasms around his dick every time he starts talking to you. Toji would have his face hovered right over yours so every breath is shared and the sex is beyond intimate.

Saying things like, “Gonna let me stuff this pretty pussy full of me, huh?” “Yeah? Y’like the sound of that, baby?” “Want me t’make you a mommy? Hm?”

To which you’d just nod along, not against the idea in the slightest but too fucked out to truly respond. Toji would groan at your agreement, heavy balls slapping against your skin whilst his cock splits you open. Huffing an almost desperate, “Uhuh… You’ll look s’pretty walkin’ around with my kid, ma’.”

Is infatuated with your ass.

Toji almost feels as though he shouldn’t go twenty-four hours without doing feeling your ass at least once. The way the fat fits and molds into his palm perfectly, how soft you are, and the way it’s every movement captivates his attention like a baby with a sensory video is quite amusing.

Even if you didn’t think you had the fattest ass in the world, Toji believes otherwise. He doesn’t care if you nearly fall over every time he slaps your ass as he walks by, hearing the loud smack that follows and the squeal of surprise that leaves your lips makes him happy.

One time, he found you lying on your stomach and saw that as the perfect opportunity to lay his head against your ass, the rest of his body weight rested against your legs and leaving you immobile.

It never really matters what you’re wearing either, he knows what’s under all those clothes so he’ll compliment you on how your ass looks in anything. Though, he will admit that seeing your ass in a tight dress makes his cock spring up.

Would never admit it but is often needy for you.

If you ever call him such a thing, he’ll curse you out while fucking you dumb— claiming to show you just how “needy” he is for you.

He hates when you catch faint pitches in his groans or moans, especially while you’re kissing him. His neck is so damn sensitive, more-so right under his jawline, so whenever your lips and tongue swipe against that area, his throat would vibrate with a deep groan. And fuck if you’re sitting on top of him, steadily rocking your hips against him, you may catch him slipping and he might just whine-

Not that he’ll ever admit he did or does.

Hates when you ignore him.

And you know he hates it too so that’s exactly why you do it.

After any argument, you just go quiet snd start giving him those annoying little mhm’s or uhuh’s, clearly not paying attention to a word he’s saying.

Sometimes you ignore him on accident though, not that it changes how much he hates it. It’s usually when you’re working on something or try to focus and he’ll come talking to you only to receive silence in response as everything he’d just said goes through one ear and out the other.

Typically, he fixes this problem by getting really close to you and talking right against your ear, forcing you to hear every word he’s saying and smiling at the way you find his lips ticklish against your skin.

Forgets important dates sometimes.

He once forgot your anniversary with him and you put him on sex ban for a month. To you, it should’ve been longer but Toji trued his best yo make up for his forgetfulness during that month.

Forgot Megumi’s birthday but was happy to have you there to remind him. Again, you scolded him and he promised to work on it.

Doesn’t bother getting jealous.

The fuck is he getting jealous for? You’re his woman. Any man that looks at you doesn’t disturb Toji’s peace, he knows you’ll never leave him (he tells you that you’d be dumb to do so).

If he ever caught someone flirting with you, he’d casually walk up to you and shower you in lewd kisses and touches just to scare the person off. Toji will walk up mid-conversation and grab a firm hold of your jaw, tugging you toward him just to press his lips against yours. After which, he’s dragging his kisses down to your neck, moving a hand to your waist and the other to your ass, silently telling others to fuck off through his touches alone.

Would kill for you.

This should be obvious too. Taking some’s life for you is no different than his job— even though you don’t know much about it…

He may not tell you he’d murder someone for you but if you seemed distressed enough by someone’s presence, Toji will have them dealt with. You’d later ask “Hey, what happened to…” Only to hear that they got into some “strange accident”. But in reality, your lover had disposed of them.

Cherishes you in his own way.

He doesn’t say anything too sappy to you but he does have his ways of showing his love for you.

Toji has a tendency to stare at you, admiring your features and wondering how or why the hell you still put up with him. You’re so perfect in his eyes that sometimes he thinks you deserve someone better and less forgetful or violent.

And yet, every time he comes home— you’re there with that sexy smile of yours and gentle voice that drives him crazy.

Pet names with Toji slip off of his tongue naturally. “You look s’pretty today, doll.” “Love you too, pretty girl.” “I like your hair like that, ma. Looks nice.” “C’mon, don’t be mad at me baby, I can buy you more snacks…”

Loves fucking you from behind.

He’s always bending you over some surface or pressing you against some wall. While, yes, he loves that pretty face of yours, he also loves pressin’ it against the bed as his drills his fat cock inside you.

Toji likes watching the way your ass bounces back against him. He loves looking at the arch in your back, watching your finds scratch and scrape at the sheets, and staring at the way your pussy messily spreads around his cock— such a pretty white ring of cum forming at his base.

He’ll get the whole scene even messier too, spitting down where you’re connected, making his cock slip in and out of you faster so he can fuck deeper. Oh how he loves smacking your ass til’ it’s left with marks, gripping onto your cheeks and just toying with you while he fucks you to tears and incoherent cries.

Then he’s teasing you, “C’mon, throw that ass back on me, girl.” “There ya goo, such a good slut f’me, aren’tcha?” “Uhuh, take my cock baby, jus’ like that.” “Look back at me, lemme see those tears, doll.” “Mhm, feels s’good, huh?” “Oh fuuuck, don’t stop. Keep… Keep movin’ those fuckin’ hips baby, doin’ so good f’me.”

Doesn’t mind listening to you ramble.

You’re a talker, that’s for damn sure. In the beginning of the relationship, he thought he’d grow to hate how much you talk but he actually loves it.

When you talk about your day or any drama that’s happened, he’s happily sitting there listening to every word. Hell, sometimes Toji even makes sassy comments, “Girl, you need better friends.” “You told her off? Type shit.”

And if you pay attention close enough, you may notice how he’s picked up on things you say and started saying them himself. Whatever phrases you often use, you’d catch him using from time to time & you think it’s just the cutest thing in the world.

Would lose his mind if you ever called him Daddy.

You did it one time as a joke and you nearly got pregnant the same night.

A/N: Not proofread— apologies for errors. This is for those that requested! Lastly, UHM HELLO THANK Y’ALL FOR 3K FOLLOWERS HERE? ^.^ y’all are so sweet I’m gonna eat you guys.

pairing: wolf!toji fushiguro x reader summary: wolfhybrid!toji, grumpy x sunshine again, animalistic behavior, bickering rheya’s note: man i couldn’t stop thinking about guard dog toji so it turned into a hybrid au! i can’t see him as anything but a wolf/dog tbh. anyways i will def be writing more for this au hehe <33

you’ve been hearing noises.

it sounds strange, but you’re sure that there is something lurking in the normally deserted alleyway next to your apartment. at first you brushed it off as people traveling through, but now you've noticed the sounds are constant—every night.

you’re eating dinner when you hear the sounds of scuffling, followed by the yowl of a cat and realize you’re probably dealing with a stray looking for food.

so after you finish your meal, you put a bit of leftover fish in an old plate you seldom use, and take it outside. when you peer into the dark alley you don’t see any cat—it’s empty and quiet. you do notice a few scrapes on the walls and a couple of trash bins overturned, which means there definitely was some animal here.

maybe it’ll come back, you think as you bend down and place the plate on the pavement. with one last backward glance at the deserted alleyway, you head inside and go to bed.

a fond smile stretches across your face when you notice the empty plate as you’re leaving for work the next morning.

it becomes a daily routine after that. every night before you go to bed you go out and leave a little plate of fish for the poor cat. and every morning you’re met with a licked clean plate.

even though you never do see the cat, you do feel a strange combination of accomplishment and affection for the poor thing. and your little routine runs smoothly for a couple weeks—you have no complaints.

and then one night, when you’re going to drop off your little ration of the day, you see him. despite being hunched in a corner, he looms infinitely large—heavy shoulders and muscles straining as they fill with tension at your presence. his eyes are strangely bright, crystalline jade narrowed into slits as they appraise you, teeth bared in feral anger. they snap and snarl at you in warning, and you freeze almost immediately.

he’s terrifying—in a strangely gorgeous way.

dark furry ears are pointed up straight, twitching with the sound of your movements, and a warning growl bounces over the walls.

you raise your hands, ignoring the tremble, the instinct to run. “i just…” you keep your voice low, choosing to lightly shake the little plate you have in your hand. green eyes dart over—another snarl, a flick of a tail.

you slowly crouch and place the plate onto the ground, before backing away—you’re not trying to get attacked by a clearly feral hybrid.

he snarls and growls until you are well out of sight.

when you’re back in the safety of your apartment you almost laugh, heart pounding with disbelief. you thought you’d been feeding a stray cat—but no, it’s a hybrid. a big one, predatory in all aspects. you couldn’t see much in the dark lighting of the alley but the ears looked distinctly canine—with the addition of the teeth, claws, and tail, you’re almost sure he is some kind of dog or wolf or whatever.

dangerous for sure.

sensibly, you should probably stop feeding him so he doesn’t stick around. but stupidly, you can’t help it.

the next night you leave another plate. he’s not there this time, but you leave it just in case he’s lurking.

the following night his green eyes remain narrowed on your figure as you return—still snarling as he watches you.

you’re not fazed.

(tell that to your racing heart.)

over the course of the next few weeks, you repeat this process, not really sure what you’re expecting. you suppose you should be grateful that he doesn’t growl as much anymore, seemingly becoming accustomed to your routine presence. it becomes clockwork, so much so that you can always expect him to be sitting in the alley, ears flicking at the sounds of your footsteps.

the plate has now been saved for his little nightly meals, something you don’t necessarily mind. you notice that he is always clad in the same tattered clothing, a dark shirt that is far too loose even on his large body—it is littered with dirt and holes and you wish it was easier to offer some more comfortable items to him.

but you’ve only just gotten him to stop viewing you as a threat; you’ll take it slow.

you don’t notice that he gradually waits closer and closer to where he knows you leave the plate, the distance diminishing in a display of semi trust.

you think that this is all you’ll really get from him. which is fine—you’d rather he remain silent and alive than dead from starvation in your alleyway.

he surprises you one night.

“no more fish.”

you pause in your tracks, a few measly centimeters away from putting the plate on the ground. your eyes dart upward to see him already staring at you, jade slits narrowed. his tail flicks lazily in the shadows. your voice is breathless when you ask, “w-what?”

“fish,” he repeats. “no more of it.”

his voice is a low rumble, deep in richness and timbre despite its evidence of not being used in a while. you glance down at the plate in confusion—he had eaten it all for these few weeks?

he reaches for the plate, digging into the fish with practiced ease. you watch his canines dig into the flesh and tear away like it’s mere paper.

(should you be scared that the fish could also be your throat?)

“you uh—” you clear you throat, staring at him. “you don’t like fish?”

“i can survive off it,” he spits out in between bites—his pupils find yours. “but it’s not great.”

you don’t know why you’re so eager to make him happy. “then what would you like to eat?”

he quirks a brow at the enthusiasm, but answers gruffly. “meat. real meat.” he pauses to run his tongue over his lips, satiated—you can see a scar cutting over them. “like lamb. or beef. i don’t care really.”

“i can do that!” you’re seriously embarrassed at how keen you are, but the progress you’re making excites you. “i should’ve considered what you’d naturally like to eat. you’re a…?”

“wolf,” he grunts, still focused on his meal.

“right.” you nod, grateful to have confirmed the species. “makes sense you’d prefer real meat.”

he doesn’t answer. you don’t mind.

“then i’ll get you something different tomorrow.” you turn to leave. once again he doesn’t answer, but you can feel his eyes boring holes into your back.

you don’t tell the wolf hybrid that you stayed up researching his species just to figure out what he’d like. you just place the plate down the next night, hoping that it is enough to make him feel a little more comfortable with you.

(you’re sure he could kill you with just one bite, but you try not to think about that.)

the wolf watches you present the plate of lamb meat, some pieces cooked and some raw—his tail slowly thumps against the ground.

“i um…know that wolves like deer and stuff, but getting deer meat nearby is a little difficult. i can probably go find some places over the weekend,” you say hesitantly, watching his expression. he reaches a large palm out, claws tugging the plate closer, and digs in. you’re not sure about the taste, but you can see the rise in enthusiasm as he gobbles the meat down—a smile twitches at your lips.

“it’s fine,” he mumbles in return. “deer’s expensive. i like lamb and chicken. beef too.”

you nod, surprised at the consideration for the money you’re spending.

“do…do you prefer it raw or cooked?” you wait for him to click his tongue or indicate he’s getting annoyed by your presence, but he’s feeling forthcoming tonight.

“either’s fine.” he licks up the pinkish liquid that has dripped down his chin while biting into the raw pieces. “i’m used to raw meat.”

you nod, slowly taking a seat on the pavement. his eyes flicker up to watch what you’re doing, but he doesn’t protest. he just picks up another piece of lamb and takes a bite.

“you cook this?” he grunts, waving one of the cooked pieces. you grimace, nodding sheepishly.

“yeah. i wasn't sure if you'd like raw meat or cooked so i brought both. i can just bring raw pieces from now on.”

he peers at the cooked meat in between his claws, before shaking his head gruffly. “it’s pretty good.”

“the cooked meat?” you ask in surprise. he nods.

“yeah. tastes good.”

you can’t help the grin that stretches across your face.

“the fuck are you smilin’ about?” he narrows his eyes at you, ears pointing upright. you drop the smile hastily, shaking your head with a start.

“nothing!”

he snorts, continuing to eat. you watch him do so, strangely content. he doesn’t comment on how you’re seemingly inspecting him, eyes unblinking. he keeps his mouth shut because the taste of meat is heavy on his tongue, and at this point you’re a godsend to an animal like him.

so if you want to observe him like he’s in a fucking zoo, he’s fine with that.

you do have horrible survival instincts though. he wonders why on earth you seem so comfortable around a predator like him, especially a species that is so known to be violent. you’re just sitting there, a mere five feet away, watching him tear into raw meat with stars in your eyes.

(he could tear you apart in a second if he wanted to.)

he doesn’t leave a morsel on the plate, and you give him that same silly smile again.

“i have a little bit more cooked lamb leftover if you want?” you question him, and his eyes lazily roam over you. he thinks about telling you that he could devour meat for much longer if the supply was endless, but instead he huffs.

“did you eat?”

you blink. “me?”

“yeah you,” he replies harshly, rolling his eyes. “did you eat?”

you awkwardly scratch at your arm. “not yet. i was gonna eat some instant noodles later.”

“why the fuck are you worried about a stray like me then?” he snarls, crossing his arms—you’re so fucking naive. “go eat the cooked lamb and worry about yourself, for fuck’s sake.”

while his harsh tone would’ve definitely scared you on day one, this time, you feel more ticked off than afraid.

“i’m a grown ass adult. don’t tell me what to do. if i wanna worry about the noisy stray in my alleyway, i’ll do that,” you shoot back indignantly, mirroring his crossed arms.

the wolf’s demeanor changes, hackles rising. his ears go erect, straight and tense with frustration. he bares his teeth at you, a warning growl coming through them. “lot of talk for someone so damn tiny,” he barks. “don’t you have any self preservation instincts? i could just fucking eat you instead.”

you go a little slack jawed at that, a flicker of hesitation, but then you retort. “maybe, but i bet humans don’t taste as good as lamb or deer!”

“i’ll make do,” he growls back, canines pulling into an evil smirk.

your bravado dies down, and then he has to deal with the disturbingly wounded pout on your face. you don’t say anything more and he sighs heavily.

“i’ll eat more if you eat,” he grunts, glaring at the pavement. even then, he can feel the way you perk up.

“i’ll be right back!” you grab his plate and hurry into your apartment, eager, and all he can do is sigh, wondering what on earth he’s doing interacting with a fragile little human like you.

you come back with more cooked lamb in his designated plate, placing it in front of him before taking a seat on the floor again. he watches you stab at the pieces with a fork and chew on them, so dainty compared to the way his canines dig into his own share.

he can feel the curiosity thrumming through your veins, no doubt burning with questions—the need to talk to him. but you stay quiet as you eat, the sounds of chewing echoing through the alley. he concedes.

“you make it a habit to feed strays?” he mutters. you look up, once again sporting that silly look of surprise at his attention, but you recover quickly.

“no not really. you were just…really loud.” you sheepishly grin when he pins you with a glare, raising your hands innocently. “i just heard a lot of rattling around out here. i thought you were a stray cat.”

he takes offense to that.

“i ain’t no damn cat,” he scoffs, rolling his eyes as he bites into the flesh of another piece. your grin widens.

“clearly.”

the rest of the short meal passes in silence. he finishes up before you do, and for the first time you see him stand to his full height—he’s tall and hulking.

“well,” he grunts, shoving his clawed hands into his dirty pockets. “y’should go inside and finish that.”

he nods at your bowl before turning away. you briefly wonder where he sleeps; perhaps the park nearby so that he can rest on soft grass rather than cold stone. the thought makes you pity him more than you did.

his retreating form suddenly pauses, and he turns to stare over his shoulder—his jade eyes glow in the darkness. “see y’tomorrow.”

a wide smile stretches across your face, and you wave back, giddy. “sure! see you tomorrow…” your voice trails off at the end. the wolf rolls his eyes heavily, before turning around and continuing his walk.

“toji.” he finishes for you, voice low and yet still clear.

you bite back a laugh of disbelief. “toji,” you repeat, and it rolls off your tongue like butter. his ears twitch at the sound, surprisingly pleasant, and he grumbles in return, vanishing into the night.

he ends up keeping his promise.

His new wife; toji fushiguro [01]

Genre: angst.

a/n: idk shld i post a part two?

update: part two is here

I imagined if toji did remarry, he wouldn't hold his new wife just like he did for mamaguro. His new wife would be an empty vase he chose to fill the vacant spot in his house; or maybe, he chose her because megumi was tired of explaining to his friends that he didn't have a mom.

I imagined the dining table is as awkward as it could be, with his new wife trying her best to fit in the family but the two males just don't feel the same for her. Perhaps they secretly thought to themselves that she’s trying hard for nothing. Because she's just for a show.

I imagined if Toji did consumate to his marriage, his sex life with his new bride is boring or non-existent. He didn't marry her for love and he didn't marry his side hoes. She's like a professional ally he keeps for commercial. She can't complain because she knows that the second she opens her mouth, he's willing to put his sign on the divorce paper.

I imagined that she has to mourn along with Toji and Megumi on mamaguro's death. She can't watch TV the whole day because the house needs to be as quiet as possible to pay respect. She even needs to sneak her way to the bedroom and watches her kdrama with earphones.

I imagined that there's a day where Toji's new bride will notice that he never initiates any skinship and when she confronts him, turns out he just doesn't want to have any kids with her. Because to him, mamaguro is the only mother for his kids.

I imagined Toji brings Megumi out for a picnic date but leaves his new wife at the house when she's still busy packing the lunch boxes. And when he does return to the home back, he only comes for the food and goes back to Megumi without bringing her along.

I imagined she has to explain to her friends that Toji is a Zenin, not a Fushiguro by birth because he used his wife's surname and her friends will question her on why he doesn't use hers since she's his wife too. But she doesn't answer because she doesn't dare to humiliate herself.

I imagined she comes to pick Megumi from school and his friends will ask her why she doesn't look like how Megumi drew on his weekly poster and she has to control herself before she bursts out crying in front of toddlers.

I imagined the Fushiguro house doesn't feel as warm as she first stepped in because she finally gives up. She doesn't bother to butter up a convo, she doesn't laugh off when Megumi tells her to leave him alone because she doesn't seek him anymore.

I imagined Toji comes home late, expecting the familiar figure who waits for him every day but the whole living room is dark and she is long asleep on her side of bed. Toji probably thinks that she's tired and moves along but he doesn't notice that he's making up excuses for her because the thought of her doing it intentionally is impossible.

I imagined the ride home when Toji picks up Megumi at his grandparents from the Fushiguro family is silent. His wife will play with her phone, scrolling through her social medias and she doesn't ask Megumi on how he spent his weekend anymore. She has stopped joking about how Megumi hates her parents too. She doesn't mention anything about bringing Megumi to her home.

I imagined Megumi walks to his class, but always looking back to the gate. Megumi thinks that his step-mother will put up a little fight to hold his hand and walks him to his class. But she only rolls down the window and nods. She doesn't do the silly 'kissy kissy' too. She doesn't even greet him 'good morning' today.

I imagined the cute face of Megumi's disappointed face when he unzips the lunch bag. He shakes the bag but there's nothing. Megumi thinks that she accidentally forgot to pack his food but when he calls her by the public phone, she explains that she doesn't do it anymore because Toji wants to teach him how to buy food at the canteen. But Toji doesn't say that.

I imagined Toji's new wife looks at the bouquet he brings home and wonders if he ever sees her as her own person but a shell he fills with his fantasy because that day isn't their anniversary and she doesn't like lilies. She hates flowers in truth.

I imagined Megumi will have a huge birthday party and both families will come visit, including the Fushiguros. While the Zenin members converse with mamaguro's parents with ease, Toji's parents-in-law are asked to sit in the kitchen, watching their step-grandson from far and wonder if there will be a time where they are able to spoil a 'grandchild' too.

I imagined Toji's wife watches how everyone alienate her parents and they are unwelcomed no matter what the event is. She will swallow her words, chokes on her tears before she calls a cab for her parents. Toji doesn't even notice that his father-in-law has been eyeing an opportunity to talk to him, wanting to ask about his daughter. But Toji's gentle words aren't aimed to him, but an older man of his past.

I imagined when the party's over, no one helps Megumi's new mother to handle the messy house. She is expected to clean the big house and she hasn't even eat the cake. No, they don't spare her a slice too. So when she picks up the paper plates with the left-over bits, she eats the sweet icing and realises, she isn't his wife nor a mother to his child.

I imagined the home she tried so hard to please becomes the place she hates, Toji can no longer see her sweet smile nor her flushed face. His little pretty wife has stopped trying and there's no warm diner by the time he got home. The lengthy texts he recieved everyday have reduced to none, she doesn't contact him anymore.

I imagined the whole family sit down for diner together in the dining table and only the clicking of chopsticks against the bowls echo. His wife doesn't talk about her stupid childhood comfort foods, she doesn't put dishes into his or his son's bowls either. She chews her food slowly, eyes cast on her food without muttering a word. The whole diner is silent.

same deep water as you, first part.

toji fushiguro is an unstable private investigator that takes on a case for an equally unstable family. when you have decided to throw everyone in your life away, you meet someone at the dinner you work at.

toji fushiguro/fem!reader. no curses au, slow-burn ish, reader has a family, angst, age difference, grieving, eloping, protective toji, pet names (bunny/princess), eventual comfort. cw for light-voyeurism and stalking (not yandere), toxic families, alcohol use, mentions of organized crime, eventual nsft. 1.3k word count. tip jar!

The old furniture in the office was uncomfortable. The place felt cold and reeked of cigarettes, which made people stay for short amounts of time like Toji preferred.

"After finding her, I just need you to follow her around and tell me what her routine looks like.”

Toji sat across an impatient-looking woman that looked out of place.

He loved desperate clients. Worried husbands, estranged fathers, or cunning wives were all dollar signs to him. And this time it was an obtrusive sister.

“What are you looking for, exactly?” His sharp eyes never left her when she pulled out a cigarette and lit it up.

"Well, we talked from time to time, but after the notice for the funeral, no one can get a hold of her,” the woman paused to take a long breath off the cigar, polluting the air with her anxiousness. “The school could only give me what I gave you. So, my guess is she got together with someone, got knocked up or something.”

Toji nodded at her summary, focusing on the discharge forms from the college she mentioned.

“Okay. Just know, if you are going legal, I can only take evidence on public spaces.” He leaned back into his chair to start his usual spiel. “That's the reason I asked. I try to cather to all needs, so if you’d like more, it’ll be a little bit more pricey for you, but out of record.”

“I know, that's why I came here,” she barely avoided rolling her eyes. “Our dad is just so worried, you know, with his own dad dying too. It’s his little girl and he could never be tough with her. I want to give him something before deciding what to do with her.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry for your loss,” Toji muttered in an attempt to skim over the sob story.

“Thanks. I know you knew him, but his friends better. You come... recommended,” she gave a critical glance across the neglected room.

“You mentioned that on the phone.” Toji flipped through her contact details to find what else to discuss. Both of them knew to keep that topic brief.

"Anyway, after finding her, which I hope will be no issue for you,” she puffed the smoke in his direction. ”I'd like you to be with her for up to a month, depending on what comes up.“

He kept nodding mindlessly, getting ahead of himself to daydream about how easy this would be.

“I would prefer that you only focus on this and drop any other case, if possible. Money is not an issue."

Oh, he’d almost squirm at that.

“I can imagine that,” he agreed, failing to contain a grin. “I do charge hourly and you’ll have to cover the expenses of my current projects to drop them, but we’ll set the payment details later on.”

They were done after the woman insisted on starting that same weekend.

“Have you ever gotten involved with the people you investigated?” was her last inquiry.

“That blows my cover, so, no.”

“But would you be willing to act? Like if someone needed to test if their wife was faithful?”

Toji had been offered similar deals a handful of times, easy to imagine with his looks, but the only one that went through was for a store owner looking to see if the girls at the counter would steal for him. Which they did.

He grinned after giving it a thought.

“Sure, for its right price.”

A chime filled the dimly lit dinner in the last minutes of your shift. It was dark outside when the cooks handed you a plate of tomato soup from the small kitchen.

The two tried some small talk when they held the door open for you, only to receive the usual quiet smile.

You couldn't bring yourself to be mean to them, but this way, it would be easier when you finally disappeared from the face of the earth.

Letting your hair down you exited the restaurant and walked over to the bus stop. Moving through the dark streets was easy now with your pepper spray gripped inside your pocket.

Your edge had gone down a few weeks ago, but the hairs on your neck were up that night, even though nothing seemed out of place.

The first sight when you finally opened the motel's door was of a full trashcan. Room service hadn't passed by that day, but you figured it was better if no one was snooping around your stuff when you weren't there.

When you found a place cheap enough in the next town over, it was too good of an opportunity to let it go. It made sense when one of your sisters called to let you know grandpa had passed away. Your grandfather wasn’t a good person and had always treated the kids and the wives roughly. For him, a man of questionable ethics, there wasn’t any sadness from you and you wouldn’t bother saying goodbye. So, you took it as fate and paid for a whole month in cash.

The urge of flopping face-down into the bed was great, but a reflection in the mirror caught your attention.

The hair color so unnatural to your own popped out in front of you. You inspected that your look was as unrecognizable as possible, like you had intended, before resuming your routine.

There was something specific about people who came to a private investigator for personal affairs. Toji would argue it was either craziness or lack of character.

When taking on a case for crazy, one had to be careful of them interfering in the jobs, so he would make sure to provide juicy information here and there, but not enough for them to know what his next move was.

Cheating husbands were his favorite. He was skillful at consoling a grieving wife, exclusively the ones that could afford him. For lack of excitement and transparency, he would not take any insurance claims or child custody cases. He was careful enough to avoid people from looking too deep into his practice.

Missing people were unusual cases, mostly because if the police couldn't do anything, those were people that didn't want to be found.

And for a moment he thought finding you would be harder than he thought. When he helped your sister file the missing person's report, he could go to the school but with no luck. You had dropped out with all necessary forms signed.

He moved over to the side of campus where most of your classes would take place, but asking around casually for you wasn’t giving him anything either. It seemed that you were hermetic enough.

"Excuse me," he had heard a small voice when he was close to giving up. "Are you her family?"

Toji turned to find a girl too embarrassed to look him straight in the eye, but the mention of your name was enough for her to approach him.

"Yeah," he said with a little smile. "Are you friends with her?"

"We were," she hesitated. "At least I thought so, she didn't really talk to anybody, but we were in most classes together".

"Did she say anything about where she was going?"

"I was going to ask you what happened to her," she had finally seen him for a whole sentence, eyes full of surprise. "She… didn't really talk, and the last day she came to class, she was pretty nasty to everyone".

Her slight lip quiver made Toji realize the girl really meant everyone. You were a little brat, weren't you?

It took a lot from him to not giggle at the thought.

"Sorry to hear that," he gave his honest attempt at an empathetic smile. "How about we go to the cafeteria and you can tell me more about what my cousin did?"

Her fluster was all the answer he needed. That was his way in.

After that, it didn't take him more than a week to be at the front of a makeshift motel on the side of the road.

“Hi, little bunny,” he whispered to himself when he got his first glance at you locking your room's door. Seems like you changed your hair and wore some glasses, but you couldn't fool his sharp eyes.

SECOND PART TBA.

note. ahhh this is inspired by a dream i had with this man. i plan this to be a short-chaptered series and to update in 1+ week. thank you for reading 💗

✵ RAINY INFATUATION ✵ toji.zenin

it’s fate if you’ve meet three times in the rain. at least, that’s what toji believes, especially when he has the strong urge to keep you close.

✵ tags — heavy nsfw, blood, violence, ANGST, corruption kink, virginity loss, unprotected sex, major spit kink, praise kink, crying, oral ( f!receiving), fingering, biting, full nelson, pussy drunk, pussy slapping, cum dump, spanking, dacryphilia, protective toji, angry toji, dumbification

✵ notes — binging lookism is prob the best fcking thing everrr this was originally gonna be a samuel seo fic but I changed it last min xp

love isn’t the word. obsession may be a little too strong. infatuation…now that has a ring to it.

“should I call an ambulance?!” the airy voice slowly brought the man back to consciousness. “wh-why’re you running—“ you suddenly felt a tight grip around your wrist, immediately bringing you down to your knees. the rain hitting the garbage cans hiding the squeak that escaped your lips.

“fuck…are you?” his eyes blinking up, the rain continuing to cloud his sight until he felt a cold hand brush away the strands from his forehead. he suddenly felt his chest tighten. it was a sight. the flushed cheeks, the pouty lips forming into an o, chest rising and falling with each heavy breath, the droplets sliding down her soft cheeks, and of course the big bright eyes that seemed to shine a light in the dark ally.

“I was with a friend….she’s gone now…but you’re all beaten up. along with those other guys,” she looks around at the pile of men just laying unconscious in the alley, all at his feet.

“are you alright?” his voice had you blinking.

“yes, I’m fine—“

“are you alright in the head,” his cold words hit. tapping the side of his head repeatedly, emphasizing it. who the fuck is he? “what kind of person decides to come running into an alley full of bleeding men? clearly you have no fucking sense of where the fuck you are or you would’ve ran away just like your little friend did—“

“just because you lost this little gang fight doesn’t mean you haveta take it out on me,” you snap back. that was a mistake, because the next thing you felt was a grip around your jaw, his fingers digging into your cheeks.

“do you have any idea who you’re speaking to right now?” you felt your blood run cold, you’ve never seen that kind of look on someone’s face. his words and his body were scary, terrifying…but his eyes…they looked….why did you feel a warmth crawling up your cheek.

“no,” your blunt response had the man’s brow twitching. “a loser?”

why is he getting so worked up? he wasn’t a loser. he was just taking a little rest after beating up all those men. but this nobody comes fussing around him.

“fuck off,” he finally lets go of your wrist, subtly looking from the corner of his eye, the way her small hand rubs at the bruise that had formed. was he gripping her that hard? how easily does this girl bruise?

she gets up, I guess she has some sense.

“what’re you?” his eyes go wide as he watches you pull some jackets off the unconscious bodies hidden under a roof, before coming back to the man.

“here you go,” you put the dry jacket around his exposed shoulders, rubbing your hands over it to warm him from the cold rain.

“your hands are cold, this isn’t helping—“

“you’re so noisy!” you huff, “I don’t think you have any friends,” you grumble, using the other jacket to wipe some of the blood from his body.

“don’t need them,” he replies, eyes slowly trailing over the stranger. was she coming back from a party? her shirt was sticking to her pretty chest, adorable bra visible. as for her skirt, it was drenched resting high on her upper thighs as the rain showcased the pretty skin exposed to his lustful eyes.

“what about those guys?” he nods over to the men that lost. “not gonna clean em up and act like a good girl?”

“no,” you mumble, eyes flickering up as you rose to your feet. “i thought you were strong?” fucking brat, he thinks, yet he can’t contain his interest and stands up, your fixing the jacket on him, not bothering with yourself considering how drenched you are, and your body trembling just a bit, it was like you were dunked in an a ice bath.

you move to take his hand, leading him away from the mess only to feel a warmth drape around your shoulders. you look up seeing the man cover you with the jacket, leaving him once again naked from the waist up.

“you can’t just copy me,” you fuss, cheeks puffed. “you’re injured, crippled, broken—“

“that’s enough,” he snaps, “it’s not my blood.” he concludes, allowing you to get another look at his body and he was right. from what you could make trying your best to ignore his inked body, aside from the cuts around his knuckles, the rain swept away the blood that had drenched him, not a single trace of a cut on his body. yet you still go to grab another jacket and drape it on the man. trying your best not to stare too long at the intricate tattoo designs that covered his entire biceps and chest, some even peaking out of his waistband .

“there…matching,” you smile, holding his hand and leading him out of the alley. he watches you closely, are you not scared? his thumb brushes your hand for a moment, your hands really were cold, but also split at the knuckles.

you finally bring him to a small hotel, he doesn’t necessarily know why he follows inside. he has business he should probably attend too, but instead he wants to see where this is heading. he stands in the entrance as you go over to the front desk. his eyes watching as your skirt sticks high up under your perky ass, rising up as you lean over the front desk.

“just one room, please,” there’s a sudden swell rising in his chest when he sees the clerk man drag over your form, obviously eyeing your chest that was so so visible in your drenched shirt—

“here’s your key—“ you blink as you feel a grip suddenly around your shoulder, hand closing your jacket as the man snatches the key card from the clerk.

“oh, you angry or somethin, loser?” you mumble to him as you raise a brow at him, his hand still holding your jacket closed. he’s so strange.

“you’re fucking annoying,” he huffs, “not a loser. toji.” he lets go of you as he walks away from the desk man, not before sending him a glare that immediately had him pissing his pants. fucking gangsters.

you scratch your cheek as you take his hand again “whatever you say, loser.”

“toji,” he corrects through clenched teeth.

“to…” he looks at you. “…loser.” you lead his fussy ass to the room. once you arrive you open the room and hold for him to enter. so this was so you can sleep together? were you going to strip now, show off and ask for money? whatever…i guess he wouldn’t mind some sex right now. letting off some steam after a fight was always a good feeling. you didn’t look like an escort though, was this your first time, is this to pay for college as some side hustle? you didn’t look like you were going to ask for money. should he ask?

the small hand in his had his eyes wavering. no…it wouldn’t hurt to just sleep with someone for himself. especially if it was you—

“there you go,” you perk from the door. he looks over his shoulder seeing your hand extending the key card out to him. “so you’re not resting in some cold alley and getting yourself into more fights.” what’s happening?

“you—“

“I booked it for two nights, that’s all I have for now,” you let out an gentle laugh. “i have to go now. be good, though. don’t go making scary faces at everyone or you won’t have any friends. bye bye loser!” he was too stunned to say anything in return which allowed you time to escape before he had time to process.

he would’ve been grateful for this room if it was him a couple years ago. but after selling his innate talent for fighting in exchange for money, he could’ve just gone back to his well furnished apartment. yet, you didn’t even bother to ask him if he needed a place to sleep. maybe you didn’t want to embarrass him, or assume things? was it really just kindness? but it was hard to tell with your stubborn attitude.

however, when he went to the front desk to check out the next day, he found out you left the hotel room under your full government name. at first he thought it was too easy, but he guessed you really were just helping him.

y/n l/n…pretty.

nevertheless, as much as the man wanted to search for you, he didn’t have the time to go digging into some random girl’s life. as if he had any time for anything other than this life, if you can even call it that.

the nicotine circled his lungs before he exhaled out, dark lashes closing for a moment to savor the addicting sensation, before flicking the cigarette right before dodging the knife that was lunged at his face.

his fist colliding with bone, the snaps and cracks of the falling men ringing in his ears, gaze glanced unbothered at the splits decorating his knuckles with each jab. he wondered what you’d thought when you took his hand. you didn’t say a word. your hand took his like it was nothing at all, as if the blood didn’t also taint your hand. were his hands rough, disgusting…?

“can loser’s be gangster?” the sudden voice had the man looking up. the figure in the distance covered by the rain suddenly had his mind short circuiting. “your blood or no?” your lips pursed as you slid your lollipop to your right cheek.

“you live around here?” toji rubbed his temple, how is this happening again? coincidences cannot be that frequent.

“I think I have some money for food, not another room,” you take the lollipop from your lips. toji quirks a brow, taking a cigarette out only for the rain to remind him it wasn’t possible at the moment.

“you think I need yer allowance from daddy?” he snickers.

“i do.”

the man tsks, glaring at you. “go fuck off before you get lost,” what was he thinking? all he’s been doing was thinking about you and now that you were here it only confirmed, this was not something he needed—

“huh?” your nose scrunches in annoyance. “you sensitive or somethin? embarrassed to take money from a girl?” you roll your eyes and all the man could think was how cute you looked right now. he could almost laugh at your attitude, yet he also felt a stir to press back.

“i don’t have time to play with some college kid,” he brushed past you, unbothered by the steam that left your ears.

“whatever, like anyone would come and— hey! you’re walking away! hey!” your voice easily fell deaf compared to the loud thuds of the rain hitting the pavement and buildings. what did stop him was the group of men he walked past.

“I saw her come this way! I swear it, she quickly came rushing after her shift. she looked so hot in the cafe and when I found out she works there too! I’m going—“

“you? as if she’d open her legs for you. I told you to shut the fuck up and just stand and keep watch. how many fuckin times did I say I’d be the one that’ll take y/n’s sweet innocence—“ the words were immediately knocked out along with a couple teeth.

toji’s chest was suddenly heaving, blood pure red as it sizzled in his body, eyes completely dark. all he could see was red, wet dripping red.

“hey! why’d you run away! I said I’d get you food!” your voice suddenly rounding the corner had his eyes snapping back. he was unsure if the two men on the ground were even alive. “hey! loser!”

“why’re you always yapping ?” he suddenly appeared just as you turned the corner. his large frame covering the little incident behind him.

“huh? whatever, I forgive you so let’s go eat,” your soft hand easily slips into his rough ones like it was second nature. your lips moving as if you didn’t feel the blood that was tainting your clean ones, even if the rain easily washed it away.

“it’s okay,” toji ignores you as he drapes his coat over your shoulders.

“everyone’s staring at you,” his jaw clenches, but you misunderstood. heat suddenly crawling up your neck. there it was, again. you couldn’t explain it. he made you feel hot even when the rain was cold. is this normal?

toji sat across from you. his hand running through his wet hair, slicking back the long dark bangs that dripped on his face. his eyes never leaving you as you moved around in the booth. his cheek resting in his hand watching as you ordered for him. his brows pinched, noticing a small cut on your bottom lip.

“you’re not getting anything?” he voiced with a slight edge.

“I said my treat,” you take out another lollipop.

“that usually means you treat yourself and the guest,” his eyes half lidded as he notices your brow quirk and your arms cross, not before taking the lollipop out to wave around.

“now that doesn’t make any fucking sense,” you scoff, only causing toji to scoff in return, leaning back against the booth. his black dress shirt stretching across his big chest, material still wet from the rain only accentuating his big figure.

“don’t scoff.”

“I don’t think people that fight in rainy alleyways know what treating someone means,” you meet toji’s glare with your own.

“I can see your bra,” toji glances down at your chest, even though the jacket covered, you knew he’d already seen the wet silhouette of your body earlier.

“so?” you roll your eyes. “never seen one before?”

“don’t worry, princess, I’m used to taking them off,” toji sits up as the food arrives, smirking to himself at your flustered state.

“perve,” you mutter as the waitress leaves, but not before she makes eyes with your guest, who gives an easy laid back smile as if this sorta thing happens every day.

“if you want me to flirt with you, just say so,” toji takes a bite of the burger, his thumb wiping the sauce from the corner of his mouth, slipping it back in between his lips, sucking it clean. your legs unconsciously closed.

“I don’t need anymore of that,” you reply in distaste. suddenly grabbing the man’s attention.

“anymore?” he felt the sudden stir from earlier return. the men’s voices from the street echoing through his mind.

“do you like the food?” you’re leaning forward, smiling as he ate with no complaints. your finger coming up to your face as your eye closed as the other gave him the cutest fucking smile ever. “it’s okay to admit defeat again, loser. I know I have great taste in food.” you tease, but so fucking sweetly.

toji couldn’t stop his heart from beating a bit quicker than before. the air just abruptly leaving his lungs as he coughed aggressively, almost choking. the sight was something that sent his mind short circuiting.

“what happened there,” toji points to his own lip, calming himself a bit. you touch your lip, your eyes hesitant for a moment before your usual smile returns quickly.

“I was biting at the skin…exam season,” it was hard to tell, especially as you laughed oh so lightly he could almost faint, yet your body stood up. ready to return the jacket and leave, that is until a large hand wraps around your own cold one as you stood beside his booth. you felt your body heat up like a fire burning under your skin.

“don’t like owing someone twice,” he mutters, retracting his hand. you feel the paper in your palm. “keep the jacket.”

you left. again.

he did owe you, that’s why he gave you his number. there was no other reason for that. was he going to admit that maybe he was worried. maybe the sudden loss of control he had in the alleyway scared him. that the thought of this ‘not being a first’ kept him up at night. what job? what happened to your lip? what was bothering you?

he didn’t know you. but he answered every unknown number. every call that could be a spam risk, every single one until it was finally your voice that rung into his ear.

“why did you give me your number?” the rain made it a little hard to make out your voice, but he could manage. it was probably the one voice he’d be able to hear even if it was miles away.

“why did you call?” he could sense the hesitation on your end. should he push you— “where—“

“the bus stop,” your location was easily given to him and his body was already turning his motorcycle around, cars honking as he swerved around. he didn’t need any explanation nor did you feel the need to give one. your heart was beating a bit too quickly, a mix of feelings circling inside.

the roar of the motorcycle was covered by the late night traffic bustle. but he could make you out, along with the three other men that stood a bit too close even as you continued to shuffle away from them and yell at them to stop. his grip almost broke his bike’s handles. the rain drenched your clothes through. body shivering as the water dripped from the ends of your little skirt, shirt stuck to your body as your arms hugged your chest for some warmth.

“cmon, we spent the night let’s continue this date sugar—“ distracted one of the man’s hand slowly crawled up— just then a motorcycle suddenly stopped in front of the bus stop.

“you’re pretty fast,” your smile almost broke his heart. the relief that swept your features, the forced smile that reached your sunken eyes, fuck! your shoulder still tense, your grip still tight on your bag had toji’s chest clenching. the men that were surrounding you, immediately stumbling back at the appearance of the big scary looking gangster on the motorcycle.

“nothing I can’t handle,” toji teased back, teeth peaking as he gave you a grin, he took off his helmet watching your pretty lashes flutter from the pouring rain, eyes rimmed red. he couldn’t stop himself anymore. his hand reached out, cupping your cold cheeks letting his hands warm you up as you looked up at him, breath stopping.

“hey, who is this—“ one of the men had the courage to step forward, but toji was just quicker, pulling you into his firm chest, arm circling your shoulder as he suddenly took the role of your protector.

“don’t fucking look at her,” your fingers tightened around his shirt unconsciously, his voice was deep, if looks could kill….. toji immediately pulled away, unzipping his coat and putting it over your shoulders, zipping the big jacket as your arms went inside. that immediately grabbed the men’s attention as they noticed the intricate tattoos that decorated the man’s thick arms.

“ever been on one?” toji teased, pulling an extra helmet out of the seat and placing your bag inside as he helped you clip it on.

“you think I’m some lame nerd?” you scoff a bit too sarcastically.

“nerd isn’t the word, not when you’re running into dark alleys alone and picking fights with gangsters,” he sits on the bike, extending a hand to help you behind him. “i know you’re a tough one.”

“so you admit you’re a gangster!” you shout standing up on the bike.

“don’t shout! and sit down!” toji scolds, gripping your thigh. “hold onto me!”

“don’t yell!” you immediately yell back, yet your arms circle his firm waist, hugging him close, pressing your chest against his back.

“I’ll kick you off!” toji huffs, only to curse himself once he feels your arms only tighten at his words. should he be yelling at you right now, but he can’t help it.

“you’re so grumpy, that’s why you’re always fighting,” you scoff, toji can feel your eyes rolling, which only has his lips curling up. you weren’t that easy to break. cute.

once he began driving, your words slowly fizzled away. now your body was the only thing that spoke to him how you were feeling. he felt your hand grasping his drenched shirt when he’d go a bit faster. his hand would go to your exposed thigh at stop lights, gently rubbing the skin in reassurance. his jaw clenches when he felt your body trembling from the cold.

“you’re not gonna tell me where to take you?” toji rubbed gentle but firm circles against your wet thigh as you held him closer burying your face against his back. “loss for words?” no response. “….that’s a first.”

he didn’t need much after that. he didn’t understand why he knew what to do, but it almost felt like he understood you. understood you enough to know that you’d feel comfortable when he parked his bike in the unfamiliar parking lot. his fingers drifting to your thigh again.

“gonna hold me all night?” he jokes, but he maneuvers off the bike, unclipping your helmet pulling it off with his. your eyes are casted down, toji felt his chest tighten. he didn’t like seeing your face so sullen. what was going on? he knew absolutely nothing about this girl.

“is this where you live?” you brush the strands that stuck to your face, all messed up from the rain and the helmet pressing it.

“were you expecting some box under a bridge?” he helps you off the bike, practically lifting you off the bike and placing you in front of him. your eyes gaze up at him, breath warm as you tried to calm your beating heart. there were too many things going through your mind, you couldn’t even respond to his comment. instead you opted on following him into the building.

“wanna talk about it?” toji cringes at his own words. talk about it? since when has he spared anyone his ear…ever?

“no,” you’re still holding his arm, staying close behind him as he maneuvers around his spacious apartment, picking up some leftover garbage lying around.

“you hungry, then? I can order some—“ his breath hitched.

“don’t wanna,” you’re suddenly pressing your face to his back, arms circling his torso catching him off guard. he couldn’t wrap his head around you. a missing piece was dangling in the rain and he just needed that one piece to put you together. yet here you are.

“don’t wanna?” he felt your fingers grip his shirt. he could feel your body trembling against his. “can ya talk to me?” he’s getting a bit frustrated now. turning around in your hold, you bite the inside of your cheek as his hand brushes your cheek, forcing you meet his gaze. his eyes seem a bit feral, desperate to hear anything.

you’re silent.

“fuck, y/n,” he swears, he takes a deep breath calming himself. soon noticing the way your body is trembling. “you’re gonna catch a cold,” he takes your hand, leading you into the bedroom.

he waits outside until you step out in some dry clothes. the sweats were big, but the sweater felt so cozy. it smells like him, your body seems to relax as toji dries your hair, he felt uneasy not hearing your annoying voice.

“what’s this?” toji’s voice was low, thumb brushing the bruised skin on your shoulder, his fingers slid to push the collar down only for your hand to stop him.

“you’re really not gonna say shit?” he pushes, what else can he do? he picked you up, brought you to his home, gave you clothes…was it so bad to ask what the fuck is going on, especially now??

“it’s none of your business,” you snap, fingers gripping your his sweater. “you don’t hear me asking about your gangster fights or whatever.”

“that’s all you ask about,” he deadpans.

your cheeks puff out. “i can just leave,” you move to stand up, only to get pulled back by the mysterious man, your body falling in his lap, as he holds you close.

“did I say you can leave?” his evergreen eyes seemed too much to handle as you looked away. “you can stay,” he rubs your back soothingly, his voice deep, clear he’s had his own long day.

“i…” your voice fizzles as you bow your head, jaw clenched as your fist tightened. “thank you,” your throat feels dry. “thank you,” your voice hitches.

“yeah, yeah,” toji sighs, accepting your broken self as he pulls you to his chest, knowing you were desperate to keep composure in front him so he allowed you to bury your face in his chest. “you’re one fucking piece of work,” he sighs, stroking your back soothingly as he brushed the back of your head, trying to compose his own helplessness as your body shook quietly.

he hadn’t even realized the night came to end until his phone started going off like in the next morning. he groaned, turning over, just to hit the ground with a loud thud.

“fuck,” he sits up, cranky attitude looking around to see himself in the living room. the events of last night slowly flooding back. he hadn’t even realized he’d knocked out holding you. “y/n?” he rubbed his face, only to hear his phone again. groaning once more as he looked around for his cellphone.

“what is it?” he snaps sharply, standing up as he rubs his chest under his sweater, yawning as his feet pad to the bedroom. his eyes scanning the room. he searches the entire apartment, only to sit back in the kitchen, call ending.

where the fuck did you disappear too?

his thumb hovered over your number. would you even answer? his jaw clenched, fuck! he has to deal with some business first. he’ll call you later.

your jaw was locked, body completely tense with fury. your breath was shaky as you felt a hand brush your leg.

“what’s wrong, honey? i won’t give you another tip if I don’t see you drink with me,” your customer sat in the booth with you, sitting a bit too close for your liking as his colleagues also littered the table.

“sorry, sir, if you’ll excuse me, I just need to run to the ladies room,” you felt his grip on your wrist. your entire body reacting, only for your face to relax as you forced the instinctive smile that had every customer swooning. “I’ll only be a minute,” you reassure.

“I’ll be waiting for you, sugar.” you shuffle through the loud atmosphere, passing by other hostesses and drunk grabby customers, until you made it to the stairs, moving up quickly. your fist was colliding with the door at the end of the hall.

“you promised I didn’t have to come in today,” your chest is heaving, desperately trying to keep composure. your boss sits behind his desk, the tension felt suffocating as he glared up at you.

“that was our deal, but when you throw drinks on customers, the night cancels out,” he refers to the incident last night.

“they were touching me! that’s against the rules!” you snap, completely furious. the loud crash of the boss’s chair startled you. his grip was painful on your jaw.

“every other bitch lets their fucking customers touch them except you,” he seethes. “you’re fucking lucky I gave you this job. be grateful for what you have!” he seemed more angry than usual, but that didn’t mean you were going to hold back any punches either. which seemed to be your mistake.

“your interest increases every week, if you don’t want next month’s payment raised, you’re going to fucking take these vip customers,” he seethes, ushering in some security.

“I have a booth right now,” you snap back, only to get cut off by the stinging in your cheek. he lets out a deep breath. at least he wasn’t wearing rings this time, you think, brushing a hand where he’d just slapped you.

“don’t fucking talk back to me. they’ll fuck off and you’ll take these ones. my men like the young ones, and sadly you’re one of the three that’s working tonight,” the old bastard lights a cigarette. “Don’t worry, sweets, you won’t be alone; and I’ll be joining in a bit.”

you felt your stomach churn, you couldn’t think. your brain pounding the back of your skull as you were escorted by the security to the vip room. you held your stomach, calming yourself, not able to afford an increase in your shitty debt. even though you were supposed to be working at the delivery service tonight, this still paid more, so suck it up!

“Ah yes, come in darling,” your knock was welcomed with a booming voice. you slid the door, stepping in, eyes on the ground as you immediately bow, introducing yourself with a gorgeous little smile.

“I’m happy to be one of your hostess for the night, I hope I can do my best to serve you all—“ you straighten up, only to feel your entire world stop….you could practically hear your heart dropping, body running stone fucking cold.

the deep forest eyes were dark as night.

“is everything alright, darling?” one of the men spoke, catching your attention as you turned, breaking into your smile as you gave an light laugh. the six men and two hostesses sat on the tatami mat on the raised platform around the center table, drinks already littering the place.

“of course, my apologies,” your sweet smile had the men around the table swooning as they immediately forgave you. “come join us here.” the same man made room for you. the two other hostesses already sitting beside some—

a drink suddenly slammed on the table, starling the hostesses and men. your eyes met once again. you felt a cold sweat break out.

“sit here,” toji. you gulped, nibbling on the inside of your cheek.

“c’mon toji, we’re all here for good time!” one of them had the courage to speak up, laughing as he had his legs spread. the four other men agreeing as they coddled up with the other two women.

“are you asking me to repeat myself?” his words seemed to cut like ice, immediately silencing the table. “sweetheart,” you felt your breath hitch, you had used an alias when introducing yourself just now, he knew it was bs. you bit back your tongue as you stepped out of your shoes and walked onto the platform around the table, before taking a seat down beside the man. “how was your morning?”

your mind was moving too fast for you to keep up. this was so humiliating, was it because you didn’t want this life colliding with the other? or was it because you felt so degrading being seen in this kind of place? but then again, you had no idea who this man is. why do you care what he thinks?

the table seemed to ease once toji started speaking to you as they returned to their conversations and drinking games.

“what’re you doing?” his voice close to your ear, it sent a chill down your body. he was leaning on his arm behind you, practically brushing his face in your hair as he spoke.

“serving you,” you smile with your face, eyes closing a bit as you force yourself to get through this night. but all you could think was what was he doing here? you didn’t want him to be like everyone else? you definitely had a different image of him that you were feeding yourself. did you really think he was different?

“y/n—“ your body tensed immediately.

“don’t say my name,” you snap under your breath.

“then fucking answer me,” the hushed whispers received some glances from the men sitting close by. toji didn’t care, especially when he noticed the slight bruise on your cheek.

“what’s this,” his fingers brush the bruise.

“don’t touch me,” you speak through clenched teeth, turning away from him, chest rising as you feel the room start to close in on you. this was too overwhelming.

“let’s talk business men!” your boss immediately yells as he steps into the room. the men standing to greet him immediately, toji remained sitting.

“boss, we’ve ran through the data and I think it’d be wise to expand our reach to shinjuku,” one of the men starts rambling, but all you could hear was the boss. did these men work for that bastard? toji looked down, eyes narrowing at your shoulders tensing.

“hold on,” toji picks up his drink, arm resting on his knee perched up. “I couldn’t give a fuck about your expansion. we had a deal, so let’s talk about that shit first, then you can beg me for another fuck job,” your brows pinched. you didn’t want to be here. you couldn’t keep your composure, it was difficult at times, but you usually pushed through. but this time around, this time, it felt like new scars being made, why was your heart hurting?

their voices blurred in the back of your mind. your eyes blank as you stared at the table. hearing toji’s voice close to you, your boss talking, the men around the table. how much longer do you have to live like this? what’s the point in being here? you’ll be dead before you can pay off this shitty debt your uncle left you. should you give up? working this job, working four more, barely getting any sleep? what kind of life is this? but what about your dreams? don’t you have ideals? you can give up? is there a life after this? is it even possible—

“you seem agitated toji, you don’t think I’ll go back on my word do you?” your boss grins, shining his gold teeth with a laugh.

“I need to use the restroom,” you suddenly stand up, immediately catching toi’s attention, hand coming to yours only for you to pull away. you quickly make your way to the exit stepping off the platform, until a hand tightens around your wrist, a yelp escaping.

“sit your fucking ass down, bitch,” your boss sneers, his grip on you making you wince in pain.

“i need to use the bathroom,” you whisper through clenched teeth, blood boiling, but the entire room is staring.

“you have customers, sit back with mr. zenin,” he was a hefty old man, probably three times your size, so his grip felt like it was about to snap your wrist in half.

“I’ll take her with me,” toji’s grip was tight on the boss, causing him to let go with an embarrassing whimper. your wrist sore as toji pulled you away from the man, arm around your shoulders. the boss looking up with a raised brow.

“they’re hostesses, not escorts zenin,” your boss looks at you. “as much as she looks like one…besides her shift isn’t over. you don’t need to step in—“

“I’ll take my payment as her,” you felt your heart stop. what is he thinking? buying you so easily? “this is my last time working with you. these shit delays in payments is fucking embarrassing.”

“waste of good money,” your boss scoffs, glaring down at you, before brushing off the private hire and turning back to continue his business.

“what the fuck is wrong with you!” you snap, the early night breeze sent goosebumps down your exposed arms. you winced now feeling the bruise on your wrist.

“you couldn’t tell me this? really?!” as if the man was going to hold back from yelling at you. “tell me! he gave you that cut on your lip and those fucking bruises, right?” he was practically seething. his teeth could draw blood from how hard he was struggling to keep it together.

“I’m not saying shit, so just leave it alone,” you huff, turning on your heel.

“y/n!” his hand mistakenly takes your bruised wrist causing your body to wince as you yelp in pain.

“let go!” you shout. “everyone’s always fucking touching me!”

“did he break it?” his grip loosens, but he still holds it to check.

“it’s fine,” your tremble, holding your wrist to your chest. “it’s probably just sprained.”

“do you trust me?” toji had to calm down right now, but it was difficult. it really fucking was.

“no,” you answer bluntly, eyes narrowing at his as he glares back.

“well, trust me.”

“that’s not how it works,” you look up at him as he steps forward, hand cupping your face again, eyes looking at the small bruise ghosting your cheekbones. you hated that you couldn’t bring yourself to push him away. why was his touch okay?

“that’s how this is going to work,” he’s speaking much softer right now, and you feel the warmth around your shoulders. another coat….asshole, he knows what he’s doing.

“hey!” the shout has you looking over your shoulder, toji also checking in the distance, both noticing the three men charging down the street. “you fucking bitch! ya had us kicked out?! for what?!” you immediately recognized your table from earlier that night. “I fucking paid for you, so I’m getting my fucking moneys worth—“

the moment he came into reach, toji pulled you into his chest, back pressed against him as his hand came up covering your eyes. your breath hitched, “close your eyes, y/n.”

toji easily swinging directly at the guys face. you heard the grunts and the movement from toji as he held you close.

your cheeks were flushed as you pushed him away. “close my eyes?” your cheeks puffed, eyes locked on his. “I told you stop fighting!”

toji felt his heart almost beat out of his chest as he looked at your flustered expression.

“cmon let’s go,” your hand once again easily slips into his, leading him away from the mess you didn’t bother to look it.

“you live pretty close,” toji steps into your little apartment, the door needing to be pushed a bit harder to close.

“well, it’s because the old bastard found it for me,” you spit, going over to the kitchen “needed me close by,” you pull out some bandages. toji immediately comes over grabbing the supplies from you and pulling you to sit on the couch as he kneeled on the ground. “I can do it—“

“you’ve got one hand,” he snaps back, you huff looking away with an annoyed pout. he found it pretty easy to move you around how he pleased, tying the bandage tight on your wrist, causing you to wince. “it has to be tight.”

“I didn’t say anything,” you roll your eyes again, toji looks from under his long dark lashes. you were leaning back against the couch, knees closed as your dress sat bunched up on your flush thighs, your brows furrowed—

“can you tell me now?” he’s now holding your hand gently, fingers grazing your own as he sits at your feet. his own eyes seemed to be filled with concern? your stomach swarmed with butterflies, seeing this big man on his knees—you look away.

“what part of it’s none of your business— do you not understand?” you meet his eyes again, only to see them darken. your skin felt hot, mouth dry as you licked your lips. “just because we’ve met a couple times doesn’t mean we’re friends.”

“why’d you buy me food then? the motel room?” he presses.

you scoff, “i was just throwing cash.”

“you don’t look to be in a position where you can afford that kind of spending,” you roll your eyes, heat crawling up your ears from embarrassment.

“you don’t know shit, I’m an impulsive spender,” you shrug, crossing your legs.

“but can’t afford to buy yourself new shoes?” his calloused hands glide down your calve, brushing your anklet as he lifts your foot up, displaying the worn out heels.

“I couldn’t find any other ones like these…they’re my favorite,” you lie, as toji hums.

“you do look very pretty in them,” his fingers glide down your foot, his other hand pulling the shoe off. you feel your breath start to stagger. eyes wavering as you watch his hands glide to your other foot, taking off the other heel.

“have some kinda foot kink or something,” you roll your eyes, trying to calm your beating heart.

“you like cracking jokes,” he lifts your foot, placing it on his shoulder as he leans close, lips pressing against the inside of your ankle. he slowly begins to lean in, pressing wet kisses up your soft leg, until your knee was bent over his shoulder, his warm hands stroking your thighs, before they held your waist. his body pressed close to you.

“toji,” his dark green eyes never leave your own. watching your lips part just a bit as you take a deep breath, your working hand covering your face, too embarrassed to look at him.

“I thought you weren’t an escort,” he clicks his tongue.

“don’t be mean,” you look at him, his eyes still on you. “what?” you were growing more and more embarrassed.

“nothing,” he shrugs, fingers still brushing your leg, the other rubbing your side. he hasn’t even done anything, yet you felt like he was surrounding you. you’ve only known how scary it was, but it was him—and it felt okay.

“you’re looking at me like that.”

“like what?” he raised a brow.

“like, you know!” you’re growing annoyed.

“like I wanna fuck you?” your breath hitched. his grin already splitting his face, tongue swiping at his scar as he sees your stunned expression. “isn’t that what you were saying.”

“I didn’t say it like that,” you snap, embarrassed.

“that’s what you meant though,” he leans closer to you, his breath fanning close to your lips as your cheeks darken. “tell me what you meant, then.”

“i dunno,” he’s so close! your mind was scrambled. he was doing this on purpose!

“you can’t answer me now?” his lips press against your bruised cheek, his chest tight at the small wince, he moves down to your jaw kissing you again, now under your ear, your neck, your chin, your body was squirming, you’ve never experienced something like this, you couldn’t help but let your fingers move up his neck, holding the back of his head as he sucked and panted, almost laying on you.

“are you scared?” his breath was fanning against your ear. your finger still tangled in his hair, one leg hooked in his arm, but the other unconsciously spreading as it was propped up on the couch. you shake your head. “you lying?”

“I’m not,” you mumble, holding his head close, almost hugging him.

“what do you want me to do?” his tongue laps at your ear, your head tilting as you squirm.

“you’re taking advantage of me,” you mutter, toji hums.

“why do you think so?” he sucks another bruise on your neck as you whimper.

“you’re obsessed with me after I buy you a meal and give you shelter. that’s what stalkers do,” he suddenly break into a laugh.

“if I remember you pulled me to those places!” he’s laughing hysterically.

“I was being nice,” you let go of his hair, rolling your eyes.

“really?” his voice suddenly serious. you held your breath. “why did you come down that alley?”

“what do you mean?” your voice is low.

“you say you hate fighting, but you walked into an alley full of bleeding men, some dead, and yet you sat in front of me?” you look away for a moment.

“i was checking if you were alright—“

“don’t!” the sudden rise in his voice startled you. “don’t lie to me,” he calms. he looks down, your bandaged hand resting on the couch. “you saw me fighting, right?”

your chest was rising, lips parting, but you look away. your eyes were glossed over. “it doesn’t matter—“

“you wanted my help, didn’t you?” the slight hesitation in your eyes immediately told him.

“help with what?”

“just ask me,” his lips return to your cheek, lips close to your ear.

“ask what?” you sigh, struggling to hold back. your free hand was tight on his shirt.

“ask me,” he presses again, “ask,” he chants in your ear, littering your face with his feather like kisses, unbothered as he feels the small trickle of your tears kissing his lips.

is it okay? is it okay if you ask? would it be possible to see a future? to live a life instead of surviving. are you allowed too? he was scary, but you were never scared of him….

“save…me…” that’s all he needed.

“of course,” his lips crash into yours. more tears flow down your cheeks as he opens your lips for his tongue, deepening the kiss. it was so wet, his lips were desperate as he kissed you with everything. your lips parting, panting as he continued to play with your tongue, you did your best to keep up, which he found adorable. immediately understanding how skilled he was in comparison. but you didn’t care, not one fucking bit.

your eyelashes kissed your cheek as he watched you with half-lidded eyes as his tongue stuck out once he pulled away, smiling when you obediently copied him. his tongue kissed yours. your lips wet with his spit as he closed the space again. his body moving up, lips still locked with yours as you felt him moving. you pulled away to look up.

“where’re you goin?” your hand is tight on his collar.

“now you can’t let me go?” he teases, pulling his shirt off, that you hadn’t noticed had some blood on it.

“I wanna kiss some more,” you pout under your breath. his eyes snap to you, practically seeing hearts as he grabs your face with both hands and kisses you hard.

your whines are muffled as you squirm, holding his wrist. he’s slowly leaning you down on the couch only for you to push him back.

“what’re you—“ toji stops as he watches you crawl on his lap, hand stroking his cheek as you lean to kiss him. god she’s so fucking cute! he almost screams. arm wrapping around your waist as he rubs your side, hugging you as you play with him. you were absolutely drunk on this man’s lips, every few seconds you pull away to catch your breath, your thumb caressing his scar for a few moment. lips just millimeters apart so toji can just tilt his head and graze your wet lips.

your eyes almost sparkle as he sticks his tongue out waiting for you. his free hand trailing up your dress, pushing the material up so he can feel the globes of your ass, squeezing the flesh. you let his hands wander as yours stay in his hair or hold his face kissing him like there’s no tomorrow.

“you gonna let me eat ya out?” he pants, almost out of breath with how much you’re kissing him. his lips a bit swollen making them all pink, matching yours.

“want it inside me,” you kiss him again. toji raises a brow, eyes looking at you as he caresses your ass.

“what’s your experience, sweetheart?” toji mumbles, easily pulling your dress off, your hands going up to help, before quickly returning to him. your fingers touch his scar, smiling at the pinkish swell from how much you were kissing him.

“none,” you kiss his scar, sighing as you kiss it again and again as toji rocks his bulge against your clothed heat, pulling you higher up his lap as you sigh.

“then I needa open you open, pretty girl,” he grunts as he finally gets some friction after being hard the entire time you guys were making out.

“I don’t wanna,” you pull your panties off, before getting back on his lap, tongue inside his mouth as he groans, his hand moving down to cup your wet heat, his eyes almost closing at how much you were dripping.

“fuck, you’re leaking,” you whimper as he rubs his thick fingers through your folds, your lips on his cheeks panting from the subtle touches, until you pull away.

“i want you to fuck me now,” you start to unbuckle his belt, tossing it to the side, desperate to get his pants down.

“it’s gonna hurt if you don’t let me stretch you,” he holds your hand trying to slow you down. “you can’t rush this.”

“I’m not. I’ve waited forever for this,” you huff, finally getting his pants down just enough to pull his boxers down for his hefty length to spring free.

“It’ll hurt—“ your lips cut him off, again. whining on his lap as you push his pants down to his thighs but struggling. his arm wrap around your waist as he stands up. your body immediately holding him so you don’t fall. “fucking impatient,” toji grunts, kicking his last articles of clothing until he’s bare. you don’t waste a moment to latch your lips back onto him. he hums, squeezing your ass before giving it a hard spank.

“I wanna put it inside,” you whine, tugging his hair, waiting impatiently for him to sit back down.

“can’t give me a fucking please, just gonna whine like a brat?”

“ya,” you huff, licking his jaw, as he sits back on the couch facing the full length mirror. what was he expecting? every interaction you’ve had together was always a push and pull. he plops down resting his back as he holds onto your ass giving it light spank, informing you.

“let me open you,” he tries another time, but you just push his shoulders, leaning back as you stare down at his thick cock.

“ ‘s fine,” you mutter, biting your lip as you start to get jittery, toji clicks his tongue, spitting in his hand first and bringing it down to his dick. “wait I want it inside—“

“common sense baby, lemme just make it wet so it doesn’t hurt,” he cuts you, grabbing his heavy cock and stroking himself. you watch in amazement, pupils dilating at the sight of toji jerking off, his cock only growing in size, especially with how you’re looking at him (but that wasn’t to your knowledge).

“don’t cum,” you order, seeing his pants get a little heavier.

“so bossy, fucking brat,” he gives your ass a slap, letting go of his dick. “let’s see what you got,” toji looks over at the mirror behind you. watching as you lift your ass up. “don’t hurt yerself.”

“I just slip it inside?” you ask, holding his tip making him grip you tighter from the unexpected swipe you give at his leaking slit.

“ya, then just slowly sit down on it,” he holds your ass apart, eyes locked on the mirror, looking at his cock brushing your wet pussy, already leaking onto him.

“right here?” you pant gently, his tip pushing at your little hole.

“ya, right there, pretty girl,” he squeezes your ass, as you unconsciously hold your breath, trying to sit down on him. “you’re too tight,” toji grits, your eyes half lidded as you barely get his tip in.

“let me do it,” you huff, almost out of breath just by trying to push his tip in. toji spreads his legs further apart, causing your own to spread some more, gripping his shoulders for balance. he’s slowly starting to loose patience as you barely go down, only teasing his tip as you whimper in his shoulder.

“you haven’t even got the tip in,” he swears giving your ass a slap as you latch your lips onto him.

“I’m trying,” you mumble, lost in his lips to not notice his hand rubbing down your ass until he was lifting you off his tip and instead sinking in his finger. “ahh,” your body pressed forward, breath catching in your throat.

“arching your back like a good girl,” toji laughs, pumping his fingers inside you causing your voice to raise a pitch. “squeezing my fingers so tight.”

“I want your dick,” you choke out, eyes rolling back as your body moved with each pump of his fingers, his other hand caressing the arch of your back, before stroking the back of your head.

“can’t take it if you’re all tight and nervous,” he swears, hearing the squelching of your wet pussy as he fucked his fingers faster, curling them against the gummy walls.

“toji don’t wanna cu—uh! please!” your voice was breaking as you whined and moaned, drooling on his chest as your body slid to arch even more for his hand.

“such a fucking slut, you like my fingers in ya?” he groans as he turns you over so you’re laying across his lap. “lemme get a look at this dirty pussy,” he spreads your ass as you arch some more for him. his pupils dilate at the sight.

“put it in now…want it,” you whine again, only to receive a harsh slap, your body jumping as you grip the couch. “toji!” you cry, breath hitching as you feel your other orgasm coming.

“stop the fucking whining or you won’t get anything,” he leans down, burying his face behind you, tongue lapping at your drenched pussy.

“ahh! what’re you—you’re hngh ahh!” your body’s trembling as he holds your pretty ass apart, your back arching to the max as he sucks your clit into his lips. “toji!”

he hums at your cries, your legs trembling.

“like spreading your legs for me?” he laughs, pulling away to watch your whines grow louder, you had absolutely no control in your voice. “too dumb to use your words?”

“you’re so annoying!” you huff, cheek pressing against the couch as you look back at him, brows pinched together — he could almost faint at how adorable you looked. instead he opted to give your pussy a harsh slap. your eyes rolling back as you yelped.

“what’d you say?” he waits for your reply as you catch your breath.

“said…” you’re panting. “said….you’re being a fucking….prick,” tears swell in your eyes at the slap. he was impressed you didn’t stutter. your body was burning as you unconsciously arched some more allowing him to get better access to your glistening pussy.

“dirty fucking girl,” he pulls your cheeks apart, tongue swiping at his scar as he leans down, spitting directly on your pussy causing you to moan. “so cute,” he couldn’t stop the words from slipping past his lips. especially with your pretty pussy shaking at the feeling of his spit sliding inside you. he easily dove back in, fingers pumping another orgasm from you.

“toj—jiii uh uh pleaseee,” you’re squirming as you cream around his fingers, desperately trying to catch your breath as you feel his lips latch back onto your heat licking you up.

“what is it, babygirl?” you’re trying to twist around, arm extending out for him as you lay on your side. “so needy,” he cooes, huge body crawling up allowing your arms to wrap around his shoulders pulling him down to your lips.

you hum in satisfaction, eyes fluttering as you play with his tongue. you’ve never tasted yourself, but his lips and chin and even nose was drenched in you. you’re hugging him close, whining in his mouth as his teeth bite down on your bottom lip.

“think you can take me now?” he swipes his cock between your folds, teasing your clit as he grips your jaw. “gonna be a good girl?”

“I’m always good,” you reply, tongue hanging out for him which he follows for his thumb to glide inside your mouth, rubbing down on your tongue.

“are you know? where’d you get that idea?” he taunts, his dark green eyes following the movement of your lips enclosing around his thumb. you were humming, practically purring when his other hand caressed your cheek. “fuck me,” he shivers at your confident submission.

your eyes flutter arms resting on the couch over your head, pretty tits nice a perky for him. toji pulls his thumb out, holding your chin as he pulls your lip down, lolling your tongue out. he hums in satisfaction, tilting your head up as he lits a glob of spit fall into your mouth.

your cheeks burst, eyes closing as you audibly whimper. he easily manhandles your body so you were folded in half, pumping his dick aggressively as he watches you swallow his spit in time to feel him pushing his tip inside your tight leaking hole.

“ah fuck, you’re still tight,” your back arches, head thrown back as he pushes inside you, your eyes rolling back. “fuck,” toji laps at your perky nipples, latching his lips as you suddenly start panting, hands pulling his face.

“wai—wait! ahh uh toji! wait!” your eyes are filled with tears and your face is burning with embarrassment at the reaction to him barely inside you.

“you were begging for it, and now you’re crying about the tip?” he grunts pushing further in, his hands planted on the couch beside your head, your legs over his shoulders as you hold his face.

“it’s—ah!” your lashes flutter, lips parting as drool slips out. “kiss me,” your wish was his command. his lips crash into yours, swallowing your pathetic little cries. fingers digging in his hair as pulls his hips back, and slamming them back in. he feels your tears coat his face as he slowly but surely pushes his hefty cock into your squelching cunt.

“did ya just cum, pretty?” he pulls away as you shiver, burying your face in his neck as you cry. your lips pressed open mouthed kisses. you were squeezing him so fucking well.

“more, want more,” you babble, and surely you feel your body being hoisted as he sits upright, turning you around and hooking his arms under your legs. he easily picks up up, standing as his dick goes back in and starts thrusting into your drenched cunt.

“this what you want?” he groans as you grab at his forearms, nails digging into his flesh as your moans get higher and higher with each snap of his hips. “you lookin at yourself, pretty?” his lips press against your ear, watching your eyes flutter open to look at the mirror in front of you.

“to—oji—“ your face flushes as he moves closer, fucking you in front of the mirror watching your glistening pussy suck in his fat dick as your juices flowed down his balls and thighs. you turned your face, looking away.

“what’s wrong, getting shy now?” he clicks his tongue, leaning to bite your cheek, unbothered as he easily handles you to lift you up and down his impressive size.

“ahhh! ji—ung uhh—“ you could no longer form words, growing dumber and dumber as the sounds of his cock squelching inside your wet insides sent your mind fuzzy.

you couldn’t open your eyes, you knew you wouldn’t be able to handle it if your eyes open. toji raised a brow as you moaned and cried in his neck.

“sweetheart,” your breath hitched as you felt him lift you higher, his tip just barely inside you as he fully pulled out. “open your eyes!” he accentuates his final words by dropping your entire weight down and pushing his full entire length inside you.

“ahhhhh!” your scream pierced the air as you immediately felt your insides snap.

“shit,” toji is laughing in your ear as he doesn’t stop his movements, arms flexing as his fingers dig into your under thighs. “who knew you were a squirter,” your eyes are blurry from your tears. “do it again,” he commands, “and watch closely this time,” his voice was deep it sent shivers down your spine as you tried to blink the tears away to look.

“your little hole is all red from how much I’m moving in and out, see,” your eyes look at the mirror at where you’re connected. and of course, your pussy hole was red. “taking my dick like a big girl,” he grins, as you flush at his words. “squeezing me whenever I bottom out, inside you princess.”

just as he bottoms out again, your pussy unconsciously squeezes him earning a shit eating grin from him. “see? you’re pretty cute sucking me in,” he cooes in your ear as you squeeze his arms. “so shameless shaking your pussy for me earlier,” he clicks his tongue. “it’d be a shame if I didn’t show you how cute this little cunt is.”

“hhngh—ahh don’t wanna see—“ you whimper, too overstimulated by his words as you pant, tears running down your flushed cheeks. this feels so good! “ ‘s —ahhh deep— filling me up!”

“ungh fuckk—“ toji groans, jaw clenching as he feels your pussy squeezing him unbelievably tight. “you really like this mirror thing, huh?”

“ngh! ahhhh oji—uhhh, uh uh—“ you’re eyes are crossing as you drool feeling your body build up, you felt him deep in your insides kissing your cervix harshly ; you were going to pass out.

with another snap of his hips, you felt him so deep your body snapped, back arching away from his chest as your pussy squirted.

“hngh!” toji audibly groans, unexpectedly shooting his heavy thick load inside you. you’re clenching his cock, panting as you whimper.

“fuck,” he bites at your shoulder, muffling his groans as he spurts more and more cum deep inside you. “fucking squeezing me to death, pretty girl,” he pants, your head turning as your hand comes up to his cheek, moving his face to meet your lips.

his body immediately melts, still holding you up as you devour his lips. moaning and shaking as his cum slides down his cock to his frothy base of cream. the mirror dirty from your own surprised squirt.

you don’t even feel him sitting back on the couch until he’s picking you up to turn you around, only for his load to slide out of your swollen pussy. your eyes cross as he pushes back inside you once your facing him, legs on top his thighs as you lift your body up.

“there ya go, keep going, pretty angel.” his head falls back, relaxing his muscles for a moment as he slaps your pretty ass.

“good—‘s good toji—feels uh uh uh—“ your nails dig into his shoulders as you ride his big cock, pat pat pat the sounds in the small apartment were lewd. squelching and unbothered with making a bigger mess as more of him spilled out the faster you tried to bounce.

“so much stamina, good girl,” he spreads your ass watching your back arch into his chest as you bite his neck, arms circling his neck as you kiss him some more.

“toji,” you pant into his lips, it was the only thing you could think of, the only thing you could say, the only thing you wanted—toji!

he was suddenly pounding into you from behind. you didn’t even remember him moving to the bedroom. kneeling behind your ass he ruts into you. your grip tight around the sheets as it soaked your dumb tears.

“making a mess, ungh cumming everywhere,” toji grunts, slapping your ass as you fuck your hips back into his. “squirting on the mirror, the couch,” he grunts, head tilting back. “good fucking girl—fuck!—gonna fuck you all night,” he leans over your body, hand holding yours as he kisses your cute flushed cheek full of tears.

“toji! wan’ more cumm—ah—“ you’re just babbling at this point, nothing coherent anymore as toji feels his stomach constrict, kissing your cheek and sweaty shoulder as he starts moaning loudly.

“fucking you dumb, can’t even finish yer sentence, huh?” your eyes roll back at his filthy words. it’s been hours of fucking you, he was surprised how long he was going for as his body tingled from the overstimulation. but you were just doing so fucking good for him, he can’t remember the last time he’s had such a good fucking girl.

“shit, you can still squirt, baby,” toji breaks composure for a moment as he feels you gushing around him. “I’m gonna spill everything—hngh—“ a loud strangled moan escapes his lips as he buries his face in your shoulder; his thrusts get sloppy feeling him twitch deep inside you, until you felt a load of warmth swell in your belly.

“uh shit pretty—take it all,” he groans with each broken thrust, ignoring the shivering of his own body as you whine. panting uncontrollably.

you’re body is limp as toji continues to shove his hips into you, his big cock still spurting his heavy seed inside your abused hole. your hand comes up, running through his hair as you lead him to your lips.

“shit baby,” he sighs against your lips. completely out of breath as you kiss him, his own moans slipping inside your lips from the aftershocks. your lips are sloppy as drool runs down your chin. you were so ruined. his body shivers as he feels you clench around him, his hand instinctively comes to your hips halting your movements. “one sec, baby,” his eyes close for moment, chest rising as he’s hovered behind you. his lips agape as you stroke his face.

toji carefully pulls out, a whine leaving your pretty lips as he inches out, his cum oozing out as he falls to the side. your body trembles at being empty again, now so used to the feeling of him inside you, your body was clawing for him again. he’s unbothered as he wraps a strong arm around your torso completely, pulling you into his side as your arms circle his neck, littering his face with kisses. his body completely sinking into the mattress as he allowed you to do as you pleased.

“stay with me,” your voice was hoarse, the night of screaming and whining finally scratching at your throat as you pant softly. his rough hand gently caressing up and down your back. his broad chest, rising n falling as he laid on his back, your body leaning over his.

“you’ve gotten so needy, pretty,” he teases, free hand coming up to hold your cheek. your eyes half lidded, so completely exhausted, as he gently pulls you to his lips again. the kiss much softer, as he brushes his thumb across your cheek, feeling the damp tears. “i promise.”

his body was so warm, the cold apartment suddenly felt cozy, his embrace was reassuring. before you knew it, you were drifting off to sleep.

the memories of the night were printed in your mind. so when the sunlight spilled into the small bedroom, the first instinct was to reach an arm beside you.

“to…ji?” your voice groggy as you rolled to your side, rubbing your face in the pillow, opening your eyes. “toji?” was he using the bathroom?

you sat quietly. if you moved it will be real. no…just stay here for a little while longer. just hold onto to last night for a little bit more…..no….don’t cry…..your teeth pierced the skin of your trembling lip, scratching at your cheeks, no you weren’t crying!

he wasn’t different. how could he be?

“y/n, table 7 is asking for you!” the diner manager snaps. you can’t even respond as you move over to table 7. the day moving how it should always. from the first job to the next and the next and the next. no sign of him. it’s for the better. one night is better than anything you could’ve asked for….yes…you should be grateful. stop complaining, y/n. at least you’re alive…..

“huh,” your movements halted. the hostess club was closed, policemen and ambulances surrounding the block…. “what’s going on?” you ask one of the hostesses.

“I don’t know, but they’re saying they’re all dead!” she freaks, hand over her mouth in disbelief.

“what? who?” your heart was beating in your ears.

“the boss! all his men!”

your body froze. what….what’s going on? was it…? no! it couldn’t…. save me…. the words were flooding back to your head. did you let this happen? was it your fault that they’re dead…no, he wouldn’t—

your eyes freeze, because there he was. shoving random shit from your room inside the duffle bag in the middle of your apartment. the sound of the front door slamming behind you, immediately grabbed his attention.

“where the fuck were you?” he snaps, but he stops noticing your pinched brows, and trembling hand. “wh—“

who cares? fuck it.

so your body moved. running across the room and jumping into his arms. toji stumbled back, holding you up in surprise. your legs wrapped around his torso.

“you said you wouldn’t fucking leave! asshole!” you yell, causing the man to wince.

“shit baby, don’t fucking yell in my ear—“ your lips cut his shouts.

“fuck you,” you wipe your tears, toji humming as he brushes your cheek as well. you can’t help but kiss him again.

“what is it now?” he rolls his eyes, waiting to hear it.

“I said no more fighting,” toji meets your eyes. you know…

“it was a last goodbye,” he grins, watching you reciprocate the same one, wiping the last of your stupid ass tears. god, how much you hated crying.

“what now?” you hold his face, wiping the dried blood on his forehead.

“we’re leaving.”

“Is it that easy?” you raise a brow. toji winks.

“yes, that easy. I am a master a my job. we don’t have to leave if you really like it here—“

“no!” you stop him. “I wanna leave!” you say eagerly.

this was it. the only thing you needed was him. and he knew it so fucking well, that he couldn’t care about anything else other than you. so he pulls you to his lips and mutters so surely….

where to?

omfg!! the way this fic took me a fcking century to finish cuz uni started! sorry for the wait guys :’)

I also wanna runaway w toji 😫😫😫

Home

Pairing: Toji x Reader

Genre: heavy angst

Warnings: infidelity, cheating, death, assisted suicide, euthanasia, mentions of sexual intercourse

Part I: Home | Part II: A Letter from Home | Part III: Way Back Home

Reincarnation: Dodging a Bullet

I left her for 21 days, she left me forever…

“You love her, right?”

He remembers her asking one cold morning, in the middle of their dining room. He was washing his hands as she held her mug of coffee, warming her hands in the process. His movements came to a halt. She didn’t sound mad. She didn’t sound upset. Her voice was soft, as soft as she is. As soft as her body. As soft as her hair. As soft as her heart.

Keep reading

The Damned Part 2

Toji Zenin x fem! reader

Synopsis: forced to get in with the Zenin clan by your parents as a servant, Toji Zenin seemed to damn you more than himself….

mentions of blood, child abuse, Toji being Toji.

Training for Toji was as gruelling as ever, blood splattered the stone-cold courtyard, the cursed spirits and the sparring he was engaging in combat messed up his straying mind as much as his stupidly strong body. He was angry and frustrated, but when wasn't he? He couldn't help but wonder if it was the interaction from earlier, this weird push and pull he had with his servant, that made him more in his head than usual.

But by the end of it, he pulled through without dying or losing too much blood, he was strong like that. His opponents withdrew. Yet by God's will, his family only saw weakness and inferiority. All he was met with was with disgust. At this point, he felt-numb. The same old thing. Training. Abuse. Blood. Humiliation. So much blood. It was the only thing he knew. Yet despite that, there was that small thing that was piercing his usual thought pattern.

After training was finished, Toji's body felt brittle and exhausted, no bones were broken today though. He was covered in blood, his own or someone else's, he's not sure, nor does he care. He trudged up to his room, desperate to clean himself up and just leave another shitty day behind before it came for him again. When he opened his door, he was greeted with the sight of you folding his laundry, and cleaning his room. He saw your eyes widen and your voice gets lost in your throat as you both stared at each other for a moment.

“Are you okay?” You whisper reluctantly. He looked like hell like he was dragged into the pits of it. Blood adorned him in pearls. It seemed destitute to ask at this point, but every day after training.. you always do. That felt slightly off track though.

His penetrating stare met yours, the first thing he noticed was your eyes, the way they widened with that concern that it always does. What he didn't understand was why his eyes flitted to your lips momentarily, they were slightly agape...only just. They were full. And...shaped. Toji quickly cleared his throat and snapped out of his head, reverting cold as per. “I'm fine.” He said curtly, with a grunt.

“Do you need the nurse?” You ask, it was routine at this point.

“No.” He grunted simply.

You observed him, he's never come back like this before, not for a long time and he was playing it off like he was fine.

“Let me run you a shower.” You offer politely. You knew he wanted you to be rude to him, to not give a single damn about him but you really couldn't when he was this beat up. He glares at you, those blazing green eyes ready to lash out as blood streams down his forehead, but before he can, you speak. “I swear to God if you tell me to be a heartless monster to you right now when you're covered in blood I'll kick you in the face.” Your words came out unexpectedly from your mouth. But with him, you always had to hammer in your point in a way he could understand: violence. The thought soured you slightly.

Now this...for Toji, was a surprise.

“Kick me in the face?” He scoffed. He felt the need to test you, to let you know what kind of a man he was.“Do it. You'll be dead as soon as you graze me.”

You knew his threat was all too genuine, he was perfectly capable of being a murder machine to someone like you, he wouldn't even think twice about it. Instead of dwelling on that, you grab him by the arm and drag him to his en suite bathroom. “ I know better than to kick a man while he's down.” You grumble, brows pinching together... you've never been so direct with him before, never this challenging. He should have killed you just for grabbing him like that, but Toji held back, letting you do this. That touch of yours, gentle yet firm. Interesting.

Toji watches your fingers start the shower, you even hand him a clean towel, freshly laundered. He watches your gaze soften as you see the extent of his bruises and cuts. You muster out a soft smile and close the bathroom door. Toji's face remained the same as he grunted, carefully peeling off his clothes and stepped into the shower. The water soothed his exhausted body from the blood caked to his skin, he stood there, thinking.

Thinking, nothing and everything.

He wondered for a moment if he was that much of a monster in his past life to deserve this one.

He wondered if his mother ever decided to speak to him again.. would he run into her arms and beg to be loved by her?

He wondered if his father would beat him as he did a boy if he ever saw him like this now.

He wondered if you pitied him, as his servant, you saw it all...

He wondered if your tongue could be sharp when provoked.

He wondered if those gentle lips...could…

Toji snapped out of it after a few moments, he took a deep breath and frowned. He turned the shower off and stepped out of it, drying himself with the towel too. He noticed a fresh pair of clothes on the sink and put them on, his hair still slightly damp even after fluffing it with a towel.

As he exited the bathroom, you turned around from your folding and blinked up at him, acutely dazed. That black compression shirt was a staple for a reason, it was simple and comfortable...and he seemed good with it.

“I've almost finished your laundry. I'll be done soon.”You tell him.

Your voice brought this unwanted feeling to his gut, he didn't want to think about it. Instead, he gave you the appropriate response, he just nodded and spoke with a harsh voice. 'Don't take too long then.' Toji sat on his bed, clearly exhausted, lifting his shirt to examine the cuts and bruises...maybe he did need stitches. You glance at his bare torso and swallow thickly. “How was training...?” You mutter, trying to make polite conversation.

Toji watched you work from the corner of his eye, seeing your fingers fold up clothes perfectly, without creases with such ease. Those band-aids on your fingers though still got him wondering why the hell you were lying to him. You were pretty perfect at doing these tasks...yet you were clumsy and burned yourself? Toji didn't like that he was reading so much into it, he didn't care.

“Training was usual. The only thing that keeps me sane is the fact that I'll be away from you.” He muttered huskily with an indignant frown.

You grimaced at him, your expression becoming defeated but you covered it up expertly. Your brows furrow as you keep a stiff upper lip.

“Sorry for prying then.” You say firmly as you take the basket and head out of his room.

Your soft eyes met with his one last time when you closed the door. The door being closed meant that he could let himself go, so he could think. God, his brain was so loud yet his body was so numb, it was torture...he desperately needed to alleviate the pain. Yet he didn't want to, would he rather feel it all… Or slowly become nothing...an empty hollow of a person. He would choose mind-piercing pain, for now, he can't lose his soul just yet.

-

It was almost dinner time.

You were preparing Toji's food as the wind howled outside, the beautiful moonlight peering through the panes. It was beautiful and for a moment, you felt as if you weren't in the Zenin Compound. You bent over the kitchen island, snacking on a few berries you picked from the garden as you were ticking off the tasks you had done today. You lick the strawberry juice off of your fingers as you were absolved in your list. Toji raised his brow as he watched you from the doorframe, seeing your mouth tinted with the red of the berries, looking the most carefree he had ever seen you. You glance up for a split second and jolt up, a little embarrassed from how casual you were in his presence. Toji found this slightly amusing but he kept a straight face.

You glance over at the basket of freshly picked fruit from the Zenin garden. “I picked these from the garden, they looked delicious, I couldn't help myself.” You chuckle nervously, finding your mouth to be explaining yourself for no obvious reason. He sits on the kitchen island stool in front of you as you plate his food and give it to him.

Toji didn't speak. And it made you even more worried than usual.

‘Maybe you should go see the nurse. Your bruises and cuts seem quite bad.’ You say under your breath, honestly hoping he wouldn't hear you as you start cleaning up the kitchen. You popped a blueberry in your mouth as you regarded him with those intent yet soft eyes. He glanced at your lips as you took in the small fruit. He needed a moment to stop thinking about that and focus on your comment.

“I said I'm fine. So I'm fine.” He grunted lowly, irritation smothering his features.

You pause for a second to think about how to approach this, and you sigh. “Okay. I'll trust you.” The words were soft as they left your mouth, yet your face was still pretty nervous. Toji's presence was just...overwhelming. You finish washing the plates and decide to treat yourself to a glass of wine, you knew you shouldn't really be doing that, but you were so nervous in front of him that you needed a drink to calm yourself down.

Toji watched you and didn't say anything, even though he should. The wine tinted your lips as you pull away from the rim of the glass. It soaked in on those...full lips. He looked away when he noticed himself staring, but his thoughts didn't disappear. You were surprised when he didn't scold you for drinking but he glared at me, not in his usual intimidating way, but as if he was inspecting your face.

“Are you okay? Do I have something on my face?” You rubbed your fingers over your lips, wondering if you had wine dribbling all over you that you were too nervous to notice.

“No..No, you don't have anything on your face.” He responded lowly, not even sparing me another look.

“Oh, okay.” You wipe your lips again anyway. The silence between you both was getting thicker and all you wanted was an out on the situation. “Well, I'm going to bed. Goodnight.” You say politely as you begin making your way to head out.

When you spoke, it got him out of his thoughts. However, he did feel a sense of disappointment when you said you'd go to bed now. He wanted you to stay, for some reason he didn’t care to identify.

"No. Stay. Sit." He ordered bluntly, but his face softened when his head motioned towards the stool next to him.

You gulp slightly, you hesitantly listen to his orders as you sit yourself politely beside him on the stool. “Oh. Okay. Why?” You ask curiously.

“Because I don’t want to be alone right now.” Toji’s face was stoic as those out of character words fell from his lips, as if he was dying to say them. Toji couldn’t really grasp that he said that himself.

“Oh…” You let out softly. This was the first time he was being this way with you, letting you know how he actually felt…Wow. “If that’s what you want…”

The fact that you didn't run away or ignore him felt…different.... And now, with you staying, you were within arm's reach from him. He immediately leaned forward to lean on his arm. He noticed you were nervous and he sighed out. "Just sit and relax, yeah?"

Your eyes widened, unable to contain their shock at his…odd gentleness. Why was he acting this way? Did he just want you to sit still and be quiet? What was it he wanted from you?

What was worse was that your mouth ran faster than your brain.

“I know you always say you can do everything yourself but…why do I get the feeling that that is not true?” You ask him wearily, staring into his forest green eyes. Your demeanour was oddly serious as you asked him such a thing.

Your tone made him raise a brow, you seemed like you were genuinely worried about him. He hated that feeling. Your eyes locked onto his and all he could do now was stare at you. You looked so…concerned with that worried look on your face, and yet he couldn't bring himself to even speak a single word. After a long moment of silence, he spoke up. His tone was stern. “What are you talking about?"

“You know what I’m talking about. You’re here wounded and in pain, yet you convince me and yourself you don’t need to see the nurse, why do you do that?” You ask softly, glancing at him. Maybe it wasn’t the smartest idea to question him like this but your curiosity outwon you.

His brows lowered at you, his tone taking on an annoyed and angry tone. How dare you worry about him. How dare you think he couldn't handle being bloodied and bruised. After the hell, he’s been through, it was all he could handle at this point. “I said I don't need to see the nurse. I don't. Do you think I'm some weak ass who can't handle any pain and suffering?"

You feel his anger radiating off of him. “No. Not at all.” Your eyes widen, taken aback. “I-I know you can…it’s just…” You trail off. But in that moment, you slowly stand up from my stool and reluctantly place your fingers under his chin, looking down at him. You trace the bruise on his temple and eyebrow softly. “You’re always covered in blood…why are you always covered in blood?” Yoy whisper, you know exactly why, it was a rhetorical question but it hit him hard.

The feeling of your fingers on his face made his breath catch in his throat, he stilled into your touch and tensed up. A large majority of him wanted to slap your hand away and break it and just lash out at you for doing such a thing….Yet…you looked so beautiful and so worried...And of course, that was a thought he was trying to stay away from. But the way you whispered your words…felt like daggers through him, like he was being torn apart. “I'm a Zenin. Bloody and bruised is... Not unusual for me...”

“I’m sorry you have to go through this.” You say softly, eyes glazed over in concern and pull your hand away from him and walk away. You walk up the stairs and into my servant quarters, ready to sleep this weird day away.

Your touch sent so many emotions through him and now that you were walking away, it felt like a wave of disappointment and anger and hatred ran through him. He tried to shake it off and keep a stoic demeanor on, but... He suddenly wasn't feeling so stoic. Your concern was just so genuine.

He fucking hated it.

-

taglist (mwah!): @wo-ming-bai @xduskydollx

Boy Toy

Sugar baby!Toji Fushiguro x Sugar mama!f!Reader

Summary: You try to break things off with Toji; needless to say, he does not take it well. wc: 5.1 Warnings and tags: this story contains smut, dirty talk, cursing, rough sex, begging, emotional manipulation, toxic behavior/relationships, some soft!dom/bratty!sub elements, a clingyyandere!toji, possessive behavior, obsessive love, some angst, some fluff, all twisted af.

a/n: I see a lot of Sugar daddy!Toji content and wanted to switch things up a bit with some emotional feels. I also ended up listening to Rick Montgomery's "Boy Toy" on repeat and got ideas. Personally I headcanon that if Toji ever did somehow develop genuine love for another person it wouldn't necessarily help him chill out this time around, he'd just become more unhinged.

His things are in a pile, close to the solid red oak door; they’ve been packed away in brand new luggage carriers and on top is the duffle bag Toji had initially used to carry his stuff in for overnight stays.

If it were anyone else, Toji would have expected the various articles of clothing and personal items that had steadily accumulated inside your spacious home to be thrown out carelessly like trash on your equally spacious lawn. That or burning in the firepit. 

If it was anyone else but you, it’s what Toji would have expected, but you weren’t petty that way; even now as you stand before him, arms crossed, gaze almost blank, you radiate a certain measure of dignity. It’s one of those things Toji’s come to admire about you over the past year. It’s effortless, that magnetizing charm you exude; he liked it right away.

“You can keep the bags, sell them if you want.” Your lips form a small but rueful smile. “I sent you a check; call it a severance fee.”

“I thought I didn’t work for you anymore.”

Toji hasn’t considered you a client in months, though really, a mark was more accurate. You were disgustingly wealthy with a cute face and that was all he needed to pounce on the offer to be your bodyguard and occasional companion to the odd social events. Even cleaned up and polished, Toji was able to keep others away in droves, exactly what you were aiming for; you found social obligations tedious and his handsome yet intimidating presence kept everyone around you from lingering too long and insisting on taking up too much of your time and attention. Toji spent the first three or so months in your company essentially as an employee and he was satisfied with the arrangement. It would have been so easy and simple, it should have been, had you not burrowed your way into his head, like a bullet piercing bone. 

Dammit he never should have fucked you. Toji had every intention of keeping things professional. He should have kept his distance, he certainly shouldn’t have let his fingers trace your skin after zipping up your dress, and damn you by the way for looking over your shoulder at him with those pretty doe eyes and not telling him off when the second you caught Toji leaning in, almost like he wasn’t realizing he was doing it, to get a whiff of your scent mixed with the perfume he had said was his favorite. 

“You don’t have to keep the charade up anymore; it’s insulting at this point. I won’t force you to stay here.”

“You’re dumping me.”

“No. That would mean we were actually dating. Toji…Fushiguro-san, I made a mistake.” You’re almost talking to yourself as you look over Toji’s tensed shoulders to the entrance of your home. “I was fooling myself, thinking you could open your heart to me. But, I knew what I signed up for. So, no, I won’t leave you without any job security until you find your next meal ticket.”

“You’re not-”

“I heard you. Please, it’s not like you to back track on your words, so don’t start on my account.”

Toji was bragging over the phone, giving a verbal middle finger to an asshole of a former employer who demanded Toji’s services for a hit. You overheard him refer to you as a “piggy bank” with a pretty face, among other things. Shortly after ending the call, Toji left to work out (he couldn’t get too lazy, got to keep in shape to protect his favorite girl) and grab some food (on your card) only to return to this. You didn't even give Toji a chance to greet you with the usual flurry of kisses and a bear hug before telling him point blank he was leaving and now.

Even as Toji struggles to wrap his mind around your abrupt change in demeanor, with that practiced look of almost serene impassivity, you look so good to him, wearing an oversized sweatshirt and tiny bike shorts. You always dress down at home, in comfy, baggy things. Toji supposes you packed away all the sweatshirts you’ve collected from him with everything else of his. 

“You won’t even let me apologize?” Toji stands stiffly in the foyer, next to the bags; behind him is the front door, still open, as if waiting for him to step outside. “It was all shit talking. I didn’t mean how it sounded.”

“That doesn’t make it better and it’s not just that. You’ve been hot and cold lately. Admit it: you can’t bring yourself to acknowledge me as anything but an obligation.” You exhale slowly, rubbing your temple. “I’ve tried to be understanding; you lost your wife and I realized it would be hard. I knew that, I knew there was a chance that no matter how close we became, I was never going to be enough for you.”

You put up a good front, but Toji can recognize the faint tremble in your voice, see how your jaw locks slightly, as though you’re holding back curses. He’s hurt you. 

“Baby, c’mere?” Toji opens his arms with a pleading half smile. “You’ve been stressed lately, that’s all. You’ve been working hard and I haven’t been showing my appreciation properly, is that it?”

“Oh spare me. Listen, I won’t swear revenge or sick henchmen on your trail.” You go on, calm as can be, not budging an inch. “The check won’t bounce and all your things are there; if I missed anything, I’ll send it to you. You’re free to go.”

Toji stares at you in disbelief, arms dropping to his sides. You could have just as easily said "you're dismissed" with that cutting tone of yours.

“Are you fucking serious?” 

When you fail to respond, he suddenly turns from you, but not to storm off. Instead, Toji slams the front door closed so hard, it’s a wonder the whole structure didn’t come crashing down. You don’t so much as flinch when Toji strides up to get in your face.

“I want my stuff out of these bags.” he snarls. "Now."

“There’s no need to make a scene. It’s not like you’ll be without a benefactor for long; I bet you could find another meal ticket just walking down my driveway. The whole neighborhood is full of lonely rich women, you can have your pick.”

“You’re not a meal ticket. You know that, you know I didn’t mean it dammit!”

“Enough.” You raise a hand up, your voice clipped. “Fushiguro-san, you have your things, plenty of money, and my own promise to leave you in peace. What more could you possibly want? What exactly is it that you’re holding out for? You don’t expect me to fund you indefinitely, I’m sure.”

"Why are you acting like this? Like you don't even give a shit?"

Toji’s hands clenched into fists; he’s radiating power and murderous intent, but you don’t look swayed or even scared. You know he wouldn’t strike you. Just the idea sickens him; no, it’s not you he’s actually angry with. 

“I’m a fucking idiot who wanted to show off, okay? Is that what you wanted to hear? Fine. Now we’re gonna talk this out like adults, I’ll put this shit back-"

“No, you will not. I want it gone. I want you gone. Don’t you understand?” You tell him firmly, eyes finally averting to the pile of bags. Toji’s puffed chest deflates at the sadness that finally touches your inflection. “I’m disappointed enough as it is; can’t you do this one thing for my sake? Why are you insisting on dragging this out?”

“I want to put it all back.” Toji blurts out stubbornly, so loud his voice echoes in the high ceilings. “You can’t do this to me, I want to stay.”

“Excuse me?” You snap. “What exactly am I ‘doing to you’?”

“Come on, this is so silly, kicking me out over a misunderstanding.” Toji lowers his voice, a smile coming to his lips as he attempts to charm you once again, hands coming up to gently grasp your shoulders. “You’re breakin’ my heart here. You said it yourself, it’s a been over a year, you know me-”

“Do I?”

“Yes!” Toji steps forward, a strained grin on his lips. “You do. You know me and you know you’re my best girl.”

“Out of all the others?”

“Best and only; I haven’t been with anyone else in months.” Toji rubs his hands over your arms but you only give him a look of derision. “I’m not lying; tell you the truth, ever since we went out to the beach, it’s only been you. Remember that trip?” he grins softly, nuzzles your temple; he knows you want to lean into him, you’re just being stubborn. How adorable. He loves when you get grumpy and need his help relaxing. “I showed you how to make a fire and we fell asleep outside on the hammock. That night was something else...you’ve been the only one ever since. Baby, I swear, there haven't been any other women.” 

Toji inches closer, hands shaking slightly where they grip your shoulders; his love bites are still visible, some more faint than others; his arms ache to hold you. You’re so close, so what’s with this wall you’re putting up? 

"I want to believe that."

"It's the truth."

Toji isn’t sure how or when it began, but before he knew it, you were calling just to talk and ask how he was doing, if he needed anything. You requested he join you not just for meetings as extra muscle or posing as a date, but on walks and meals, having conversations about the weather to debates about the nature of man to whether toast was better with jelly or jam. You’d take Toji out randomly on shopping trips and end up buying him pretty much anything that caught his eye. Anything Toji wanted, he got, and along with it you increasingly showered him with praise and affection. 

When the sex began Toji thought he got you out of his system the first time, only to end up not just repeating these trysts, but staying longer and longer after he fucked your brains out. It was borderline embarrassing, how quickly Toji found himself lulled in by your pillowtalk as you encouraged him to sleep in, promising you’d have breakfast ready for him in the morning. Sometimes, Toji would come over when you weren’t even home with the spare keys you gifted him and promptly burrow himself in your bed until you were due home. The whole room smelled sweet and it was so cozy being wrapped in the down blankets. Toji's eyelids would get heavier as he wallowed in your scented sheets ike a pig rolling in mud until the combined aromas of your perfumes, lotions, and natural scent clung to his nostrils, soothing and oddly familiar; within minutes Toji would be out like a light. After some of the best rest he had ever gotten, Toji would wake up to you stroking his head, petting him like a dog, and asking him what he would like for dinner. 

Eventually, inevitably, came the point of no return. During that beach trip Toji told you about his past; he didn’t go into too much detail, mainly that he had loved someone and he was pretty sure lightning only struck once. You didn’t get jealous or angry; you simply kissed his knuckles and put your hand over his, not saying much of anything while Toji spoke. That night on the beach you held his hand and allowed him to reminisce at his own pace into the early hours of the morning, until he was too exhausted to do anything else but hold you and the two of you stayed that way until noon.

That peaceful, almost unreal night, Toji realized you actually gave a shit about him and he didn’t know what to do with that. Regardless, you made it clear you didn’t expect to own his heart and soul. You only promised to take care of him. 

“I was being stubborn, you know how I get sometimes. You’re my one and only, baby, can’t we just forget about it?”

“I want you to leave.”

“No.”

“It wasn’t a request.”

“No!”

Toji’s hands cup your cheeks and he winces at the disgust in your eyes; why are you looking at him like that? 

“Okay, okay, let me make it up.” Toji’s voice is sweet as pie; he leans in, practically purring in your ear. “Let’s go upstairs. I’ll show you how sorry I am.”

“Get. Off. I knew you were shameless, but this is...”

You might as well have slapped him across the face; Toji’s smile falls as you glare like he’s some repulsive insect, a leech, like the thought of him touching you is making your skin crawl.

Toji’s hands retract from your face, expression blank. “You’re really serious.”

“Don’t give me that kicked puppy look. As if you don’t have women on speed dial to call up. Why don’t you make up with one of your other meal tickets? I’m sure they’ll have forgiven you by now for however you wronged them-”

“I told you there isn’t anyone else. Don’t do this.” Toji mutters, head hanging; his chest throbs, he can feel sweat trickle down his temple. “Don’t make me go.”

It’s doubtful you could forcibly remove Toji from your presence, but that’s beside the point. It doesn’t mean anything if you don’t want him. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Apology accepted.”

“No, I’m really sorry.” Toji falls to his knees. “Don’t make me go.”

“Hey, wait, what are you…?”

Toji wraps his arms around your thighs, face pressed into your waist; you stiffen but he hangs on tighter, fingers digging into your hips almost painfully.

“Please, don’t make me. I wanna go upstairs, back to our bed. Listen, I,” Toji pries himself away from you just enough so he can look at you with glassy eyes. He’s panicking now, babbling and frantic as you try to pry off his arms. “Stop that! Baby, I got all messed up about getting too attached and I-I didn’t mean anything I said, you gotta believe me.”

“Toji, let go!” 

A cold sweat makes Toji’s already tight shirt stick to his tensed back muscles; he feels like he’s being choked. How could you do this to him? All he wants is to stay with you, whether it’s as a bodyguard, a hired companion, a fuck toy, hell, he’ll settle for being your pet if that’s what it takes to get you to take him back. 

"You promised you'd take care of me." he mutters, ignoring your vain attempts at freeing yourself from his unyielding hold. "I don't...want it to be anyone else."

Toji won’t let you go. You’ve made him lazy and spoiled with your pampering; he doesn’t have to work if he doesn’t want to, never has to worry about money or food or rent, and he never has to wake up alone anymore. Whether Toji’s angry, tired, bored, or as of late, happy, you’re the first person he thinks of. You give him everything and now you’re trying to cut him off.

"You let me go right now!" You slap at his shoulders, try to pull back his head from where it's pressed into your midsection. "Are you even listening?!"

With a distressed moan, Toji nuzzles your tummy, kisses the skin peeking out from your sweatshirt riding up under his forearms; his rough hands relax their grasp a fraction to caress your hips. 

“Let me stay. I won’t answer calls from my old bosses, I’ll quit betting. If I look at another woman, gouge my eyes out. All you have to do is tell me how to fix things.” Toji smiles at you, one he knows makes women weak in the knees. “Don’t be mad at me anymore. I’ll make it up, I swear. I’ll do anything you want.” he promises between kisses and nips to your skin. “Why are we wasting time arguing? You know, I can make you feel so good. My poor baby, spending all day working so damn hard; you deserve better. I'll help take the edge off...you’d like that, wouldn’t you? I can help, just-”

“Toji, stop-”

“Just let me dammit!” 

Toji feels you freeze up; you’re looking back at him with wide eyes. His stomach drops like a rock.

“Sorry…I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell at you.”

No. Now you look scared, maybe a bit concerned; is that for him? Toji can feel some warmth creeping into his chest in spite of everything; you’re so good to him. You went to so much trouble for him and he has no idea why. 

You can’t do this. You can’t treat him like a thing to be cherished and then take it all away. Toji just wants things to go back to how they were that morning, with you feeding him berries and syrup drenched pieces of fluffy pancakes, giving him teasing kisses in between each bite, asking what his plans were for the day as he lounges in your lap, wondering what he did to deserve to be so content and full and happy. You made him so happy.

“Shit.” Toji sniffs; he can feel them coming but can’t stop the tears leaking from his eyes. “Shit.” he curses again, bowing his head until it’s resting against your tummy again. “You can’t…you can’t leave me. I won’t let you. I won’t let you abandon me. I can’t-”

“Toji, calm down.” Your voice softens considerably. “Look, do you understand why I’m upset with you?”

“I know, I know I fucked up okay?” Toji croaks, still clinging to your legs. “So what the fuck am I supposed to do, huh? I already said I would do anything you want, so just tell me!”

“Sh, come on, breathe. I need you to calm down, alright?” You bend at the waist slightly, to card your fingers through his damp hair. “Okay, I believe you. I do. I believe you, Toji.”

“Are you gonna kick me out still?”

“No, I won’t for the time being. We can sit down and talk about-whoa!”

Toji wastes no time; he has you lifted off the ground in his arms. You quickly wrap your arms around his shoulders as he makes a beeline for the stairs.

“Slow down!” You glance backward in disbelief at how easily he bounds up the carpet steps. “How are you so strong? Don’t drop me, okay?”

But Toji doesn’t answer; he practically bolts, finally reaching the next level, races down the hallway until he’s at the door to your-the bedroom he and you share. Toji’s heavy boot easily kicks the door open, somehow without breaking it off the hinges; in record time you’re on the bed, but shockingly, Toji doesn’t start stripping you down.

“Toji?” You ask tentatively; he seems fairly out of it and you can’t help feel worried. “Toji, what are you doing?”

“Baby, I’m tired. Let’s just go to bed, huh?” 

Toji kicks off his boots, gently sits you down in the middle of the mattress among the fluffy pillows and the cheap plush bunny he won for you at a crane machine. Nearly hyperventilating, Toji climbs into bed after you, snatches the sheets and comforter to wrap around the two of you in a soft cocoon. Toji grabs you, cradling you in close as he tries to even out his breathing; for a fleeting second you wonder if this is what stuffed animals felt, if they could become sentient, when children held them tight for comfort. Your attention is brought back by the man rubbing his face into your hair insistently, as if he could tell your mind had briefly wandered.

“Hey, are you-?”

“Don’t make me go.” Toji cuts you off hoarsely. “You love me, right?”

“I do.”

“Say it.”

“I do love you.” You confess sincerely, words muffled slightly due to your face being squished into his chest; his heart is beating a mile and minute. “I was hurt, alright? I want to be good to you, Toji. You have to let me though; you’re not the type to dance around an issue. I just want you to be honest with me and yourself.”

“Yes, yes, I want that. You’re so good to me, baby, thank you.” Toji wraps his legs around yours; if there was a way for you to mold into him he’d make it happen. “Can I move my stuff back in?”

“I…” You hesitate. “Maybe we’re moving too fast.”

“What? No we aren’t. If anything, we're not moving fast enough. Are you still thinking of leaving?” Toji grabs your face in his hands, forcing you to look at him; his eyes look crazed. “You’re not right? You just fucking said you loved me-!”

“Hey, hey.” You put your hands over his gently. “If you really meant what you said before, you have to listen and be good. Can you do that for me?”

Toji nods quickly. You smile for him, finally, and it's a sight for sore eyes. How do you always look so pretty? Toji’s chest throbs and he hugs you, making your ear press against his heart; you can hear it, right? It almost stopped dead when you were glowering at him, Toji still can't believe he was so close to losing this. It's not going to happen again.

“I wanna touch you.”

Toji separates from you as abruptly as he had squeezed you to him; he hovers above you, tugging on the band of your shorts, your panties. He groans pitifully when you still look unsure. Toji hikes your legs up until your ass is pressed to his chest and he’s face to face with your pussy, still covered up. That won’t do: wordlessly, he rips the seams of your shorts apart and pulls your panties to the side. Gently spreading your pussy lips with his fingers, Toji makes sure to look you in the eyes while he lets a long trail of spit trickle from his tongue to your exposed clit. 

“See?” he licks a long strip over your slit, salivating at the taste. “I’m drooling for it, just like a dog….heh, I can be your dog. Is that what you want? I’ll fetch and roll over and beg.” he traces his tongue around your swollen clit. “All you gotta do is ask.”

You can barely form words, forget making requests, as Toji slobbers, licking and sucking until you’re dripping wet. Your hands grip the pillows and your head rolls back and forth; you can hardly speak and you’re more squealing than moaning when Toji starts using his fingers to fuck your soaked pussy.

“I’m loyal too. You’re not ever getting rid of me.” 

Toji pulls back, kisses and nips the inside of your thigh as he watches his fingers disappear inside you over and over again. He’s smiling down at you, dumbly, in a daze as you let out soft cries with every pump of his wrist, every time his thumb rubs a touch too hard on your clit. He’s the only one who gets to see you like this, composure gone, face flushed, eyes wide, hardly able to do more than moan and whine at his touches. Toji’s smile turns devilish; he purposefully pulls his fingers out and shoves them back in to draw out the squelch sounds from how wet he’s made you. He slowly drags his fingers out all the way and you inhale sharply from the sensation.

“It’s my turn to spoil you.”

Toji lowers your hips down on the sheets and quickly shrugs off his sweatpants and underwear; his cock bobs when it’s released and you’re a bit shocked at how hard he is despite not touching himself.

“Let me fuck you.” Toji rocks his hips, cock over the inside of your thigh. “You still want me, right?”

And if you think he’s going to stop at one round, if you think for a second one time is going to be enough and you somehow still plan to have him out on his ass, maybe you don’t know him. Toji’s fingers dig into your ass; he’s rutting now, throbbing and dripping precum all over you and the bedspread. It brings a twisted grin to his face, like he’s marking his territory. After all, this is where he belongs. If you won’t be persuaded by his touch and words alone, Toji has other ways, he just doesn't want to resort to making you afraid of him. 

Because he meant exactly what he said: you're not getting rid of him. If you try to, Toji will just come back. If you run, he'll chase, if you hide, he'll come looking. You've made him into this.

“’M being good, yeah?” Toji lowers his head to your chest to slobber over your nipples next, barely able to speak with his lips sucking and his tongue flicking over them. “I can keep making you feel good, just let me fuck you, let me put in in, let me wreck you-”

“Toji, I want to ride your cock tonight.” You play with his hair and kiss his jaw. “Can I?”

Toji doesn’t hesitate; he throws himself back to lie on your pillows, getting even harder as your scent hits him. He licks his lips in anticipation as you straddle him, stroking him once before lining the tip up with your pussy. Toji’s eyes roll in the back of his head as you slowly sink down, clenching tight; he has to grab at the sheets and force himself to be still, has to keep telling himself this is for you, he’s going to go at your pace and show you how good he can be, obedient and careful. You’ve got him wrapped around your finger and he loves it-

“It almost hurts. You're so hard.” You gasp when you’re fully seated on his cock. “Oh, Toji…are you going to cum soon?”

“Nah, don’t worry about that baby.” Toji grins up at you, face flushed and hands shaking as they cling to the pillowcase. “So good…it feels so fucking good when I’m all the way inside. Go on, use my cock to cum, ride me until your pussy can’t take it.”

You tilt your hips so the tip of Toji’s cock rubs against that spot that makes you see stars and your clit gets rubbed against him with every thrust. At first you have your hands over his chest, but when Toji tries to slide his hands up to grab at your tits, you stop him.

“Huh?”

“No, you don’t get to touch me.” You pant out, gently but firmly holding Toji’’s hands above his head. “Tha-that’s your punishment.”

Toji’s brow furrows; he’s practically pouting. He knows he said "anything", but he wants to touch you so badly. Your tits look good enough to eat, nipples slick and begging to be played with, and your skin feels like silk on his fingers. Toji watches, biting the inside of his cheek, tasting blood when you start bouncing, thighs taut and face contorted in pleasure as you get closer and closer to making a mess on his lap.

“Baby,” Toji groans. “Come on, let me, you’re close right? It’ll feel better.”

“I can cum like this.” You say playfully as you tap his pursed lips with one finger. “You said you'd be good.”

“Just wanna touch you....” Toji’s hands twitch but he doesn’t shake off your grip; he raises his hips and you let out a whine. “Please?"

You stop moving and Toji grits his teeth, staring at you with wide eyes. 

“Hey…why did you stop?” 

“Sorry,” You smile in genuine delight. “You’re really adorable, you know that?”

“Fuck, keep goin’,” Toji nibbles the tip of your finger before you pull it away. “Come on, keep making my dick wet,”

“So cute.” You cup his face and press a long, loving kiss to his forehead. “I love you, Toji, I really do.”

Toji can’t stop himself; he yanks you down, traps you in his arms and thrusts up. 

“Ah!” 

“Sorry, ‘m sorry baby. I gotta,” Toji slurs. “Ah fuck it.”

You shriek as Toji flips you over; he has your legs spread and lowers his face down to suck and kiss and bite at your breasts, slamming his cock as deep inside your pussy as he can go. He briefly touches your hair, patting your head as you scream and writhe, smiling down at you so warmly even as his cock splits you open.

“Can’t help it. Need it, need this so fucking bad.” 

Toji latches onto your neck, sucking so hard you think he might tear the skin; you cry out and your nails accidentally scratch long, red lines down his back and shoulders. You’re clawing and sobbing, completely overwhelmed underneath him. He’s fucking you like an animal with no regard for pacing or rhythm, holding you down and open for him to slam his cock inside your swollen little pussy. Toji straightens up to grind himself into you just the way he knows you like best, gently rubbing away at your clit, smirking at the way you gush around his cock. You’re so pretty like this, flushed and messy for him.

“Tell me again. Tell me you love me and I’ll make you cum so hard your legs shake.”

“Love you,” You gasp, arms wrapping around Toji’s bulging neck, drawing him in closer; you press kisses over his cheeks, nose, chin. “I love you, I-ah!”

Toji is done being patient; he keeps his thumb pressed down on your clit, rubbing it harshly as he grinds his cock right into that spot, deep and hard; you’re never going to forget how his cock feels. Toji kisses you none too gently, lips prying your mouth open as he shoves his tongue down your throat; he really doesn’t even mean to be rough this time. The desire to devour you is overtaking him. 

He’s so close. Your pussy’s soaking, his head’s spinning; just before Toji’s about to cum, you muster up enough energy to hold him back tightly and pet his hair, moaning softly into the kiss, wrapping your legs around his waist. Toji wanted to last longer, but it’s too much. Abruptly, he breaks the kiss and his mouth goes to your jugular; Toji swears he can feel your pulse under his teeth.

“Cum inside me.” You plead, whimpering into his ear. “I want it…want you, Toji, no one else.”

“Shit.” Toji presses his forehead to yours, hiking up your thighs; the bed is creaking and shaking with the force of his thrusts. “I love you so fuckin’ much.”

Toji goes rigid and still as he cums, cock suddenly painfully sensitive; when you smile tiredly and kiss the palm of his hand, actual tears well up in the corners of his eyes. It’s all too much. He didn’t know he could even still feel like this, feel much of anything anymore. You shudder from his hot cum gushing inside you, but Toji doesn’t pull out just yet and you don’t seem in a hurry to move him anyway.

“I think you broke my dick.”

“...pardon me?”

“Pretty sure your pussy drained me dry…fuck.” Toji chuckles tiredly, very slowly pulling himself out, smiling in satisfaction as his cum seeps out of you and onto the sheets. “Did you like that?”

“I loved it.” You tell him softly, just beginning to catch your own breath as Toji uses his shirt to gently wipe you clean between your legs. “Toji?”

“Yeah?” Toji tosses his shirt somewhere and lays over you. “You want me to get you something? I bet you’re real tired after that.”

You pause; you look very serious all of a sudden, all business once more. “Toji, we really should talk about ‘us’. I don’t think we can just return to what we were.”

“What? But you said you loved me.” Toji raises his head to glare at you. “You’re not seeing other men, so put that idea out of your fucking head.”

“That is not what I meant!” 

“Okay…what is it then?”

“I was going to say, are you sure this is what you want?” You ask carefully, looking into his eyes. “Is this really what you want?”

“Does a bear shit in the woods?” Toji can’t believe you even have to ask; he frowns and clicks his tongue impatiently. “Fair warning, I’ll find you if you try to leave before I wake up.”

“I don’t doubt it, you’re an excellent tracker.”

“I mean it.” Toji mumbles into the crook of your neck, his heavy arm over your stomach. “You run, I’m hunting you down.”

“I wasn’t planning on making a grand escape; I was thinking something more along the lines of breakfast in bed.” You suggest and smile at the way Toji’s visibly perks up. “Oh, have you had dinner yet?”

“No, I came straight here from the gym.” he lies, eager to have you fuss over him. "I'm really hungry..."

“I’ll order in something; what do you want?” 

“Anything, just get lots of it.” Toji squeezes you. “But don’t go yet though. Wanna stay like this a little longer.”

“Whatever you want.”

In minutes, Toji is snoring and curled up in your sheets like a tuckered out puppy; his leg even kicks randomly. When he wakes up to the smell of warm food and your nails gently scratching his scalp, Toji yawns with a groggy smile and opens his mouth for you to feed him, licking crumbs off your fingers greedily. You really do spoil him. 

You've always done your best to drill into Toji's head that if he ever needs to have a heart to heart with you, you're there. He pushes his more vulnerable emotions down for you because he fears that if you ever see him break down, you'll be scared. Scared of possibly not being able to console him, scared that he'll break things, just scared in the worst ways possible.

Toji keeping it in works out for him anyway, because the man lives to protect your feelings. Your feelings are more than enough for him, even if he teases you for how emotional you are sometimes. He knows you're delicate, and you crumble at things that would be brushed off so easily by him, but that's not to say that he is asking you to modify yourself to make things easier on him. He's a big boy, he can handle hurricanes.

Toji invited you to spend the night at his apartment, bribing you with words that jumped out at you in his messages.

Movie night? My place?

You read the message over and over again for a good minute or so. Your heart started its usual routine of overworking itself, and you cursed yourself mentally for being such a lovesick fool for Toji. You loved the feeling that came with receiving a text from him first. He was looking for you, he was thinking about you, and from what you understood, he wanted to see you.

What's in it for me?

He chuckles behind his screen. You're an unintentional flirt, and it's amusing to him because it's the recurring reason for why you often find yourself wondering how you ended up with just his sheets wrapped around your body. You lack awareness in terms of how you phrase things, and Toji eats it up like a five course meal.

Time with your man. What else could you want?

Snacks, blankets, cuddles, xyz.

You bringing all that stuff with you?

Joking babe. I'll have all that here for you. Just come already.

Fine i'll be there in 10 <3

—

Toji could hear your car as you pulled up outside. He had everything set up on his coffee table. He would never tell you that he paid attention to the minor details of this setup. Maybe it would turn you off to hear that he unwrinkled a corner on a bag of chips, or that he squished the pillows so that they had more shape to them.

You knock, not having enough time to look around the area before the door opens. You're greeted by those devestatingly green eyes, a soft grin on his face when you smile at him. You throw your arms around his neck, causing him to stumble back at the force of your body in your momentum. He chuckles, sneaking a hand behind you to shut the door as you bombard him with kisses all over his face.

"Doll... do-..." you cut him off with your intoxicatingly sweet kisses. He can't help but smile at the feeling. "Doll," he calls, finally snapping you out of your romantic assault.

"Whoops." You laugh, a bright hue forming on your cheeks. "Just... happy to be here, I guess."

"I can tell. You almost ran us into the coffee table."

You take a step back to look at what he laid out for your movie night. It's precious, absolutely treasurable. He remembered your favorite chip brand and flavor, he remembered that you like juice more than soda. Up until now, you didn't know if behind those hunter eyes he actually made an effort to remember you.

"I'm choosing the movie," you say, putting your hand on his bicep.

"Ha, you thought I was gonna fight you on that?"

A smile creeps onto your lips again. "Your house, your rules, no?"

He sighs, remembering the time he said that to you when you proposed that he should get a dog. You insisted and insisted but he didn't want a dog, so as a last resort, he said it. You deflated towards him for a little, but eventually he made you laugh and the hard feelings were blown away.

"Just choose the movie, brat." He flicks your forehead before settling on the couch. Your brows furrow as you rub the stinging area, your expression quickly lifting again when you go to join him.

The snacks were opened before you even decided on a movie. They were looking irresistible, and they are your favorites for a reason.

"Mm... does this one look good?" You turn over to Toji, chewing on a mouthful of crunchy chips.

"Swallow your damn food before you speak." He cracks when you stick your tongue out, chunky and pureed chips sticking to it. "You're so gross."

"We've established that, already," you say, giggling. You turn back to the TV, leaving Toji to ponder your response.

"I'm just gonna scroll through all of these for three seconds and whatever it lands on, we watch. Cool?"

"Whatever you want, babe."

You nod, and do a countdown.

3... scroll... 2... scroll... 1... scroll

"This is it. Get comfortable," you say as if he's not in his own home. "Do you have to pee?"

"Nah, princess." He grins at your question.

"Alriiight," you say, excitedly, before playing the movie.

—

It was a pretty good movie. It was funny, there was romance, and it had a really good cast. You got to a good part in the movie, where the main characters, who are in love, reach dramatic turmoil. The conflict was a choice that the woman had to make. It was between the woman leaving the country for the next three years to make a life for herself, or staying behind with the love of her life, unable to give him everything he wants and more. She was fiercely independent, which was heavily weighing her decision.

You teared up at the dialogue. Both characters were reaching for each other, waiting for the other to say 'I can't be without you' or 'i'll follow you wherever you go'. The result was heartbreaking. The woman left the country, not even stopping by the man's house to say goodbye. She blocked his number and cut off all contact with him, leaving him a total mess.

"What the fuck..." you hear from beside you. You turn to Toji, and when you notice his sparkling eyes, you pause the movie.

"Oh, baby," you coo. His eyes mirror yours, glossy and full of emotional damage. He doesn't give you this rare sight for long. He uses his knuckles to dry his eyes before looking at you again. "You okay?" You brush his cheek.

He takes your hand and puts it to his lips, before using it to pull you closer to him. "Tell me you would never consider pulling something like that," he murmurs between you and him. His face is nose distance away from yours, so you try to pull back. He keeps a firm grip on your hand, holding you there with him.

You use your other hand to hold his face. "I'm not her. I wouldn't do that, Toji. I'm always within your reach." You give him a soft smile, pressing your forehead to his. "Just call and text me all day, or you know, when you miss me. You know, I'll be waiting for it, anyway." You chuckle, gently kissing his face all over again.

He catches your lips with his and pushes you down onto the couch. You don't mind that he's crushing you. Nothing is more important than making him believe that you're not going anywhere, and if that means he has to hold you down with his weight, so be it.

You realized that that movie scene must have resonated somewhere deep within Toji if it managed to bring tears to his eyes. And for that to be followed by a question that didn't sound like him at all... it just made your heart even softer for him.

His hands touch the warm skin beneath your shirt, while keeping the slow steady synchronization of his lips with yours. His hands don't wander to your erogenous zones. Instead, he keeps them on your stomach where he can feel the rise and fall of your breathing. He breaks the kiss, looking at you for a mere two seconds before burying his face into your chest, another area where he can feel you breathing. If he focuses hard enough, your heartbeat will reach his ears, inevitably forcing his to sync with it.

You decide not to say anything else. There's nothing else you could say to the man finding comfort in just being attached to you. You play with his hair, and focus on how fast your heart is beating in your ears, and he sighs because deep down he's hoping you'll stay true to your word. He can't see this happening with anyone else after you.

Hi. I really love how u write Toji. Squeezes my heart everytime. 🥰 This is my first time asking… I was wondering, on a whole different prompt, it’s late and Toji is bad out of luck this time so he’s currently homeless, in the rain holding his son, Megumi, protectively to keep him dry but then comes reader, (first time meeting) taking them in with a warm welcome and treating them with care. Idk I saw an image about them in the rain and it made my heart hurt and I would want to take care of them. Thank you

A/N: This broke my heart 😭💔 Something about Toji being unable to do anything but wait for things to take a turn hurts. This was on another level of sad too because it's not just him, Megumi's there with him 🥺 I had to take breaks and go work on other incomplete works while writing this because I was literally sobbing. Since Megumi's age wasn't specified, I wrote him between the age of 5-6 years old.

Thank you for sending in this request 💙

Toji and Megumi had been walking around all day, looking for a place they could take shelter in once the downpour of rain got heavier. There were so many things on Toji's mind. What was he going to feed Megumi? What to do if they got fully drenched? What if Megumi got sick? How would he get the medicine to cure him? All these swarming thoughts were making his head pulse, but he held it together for the sake of the boy holding his hand, walking alongside him.

Nightfall came by way too fast, and before Toji knew it, all the bigger stores and supermarkets were closing. He would no longer be able to keep Megumi and himself out of the rain under the guise of just looking around, with no intention of actually buying anything. As they made their way to the store's exit, they neared the monitored aisle of prepackaged pastries and bars of candy. Toji kept his face down and covered Megumi's eyes as he shoved one small, random pouch of bread into the pocket inside his coat and speed walked out along with the dispersed mob of people leaving the store.

He broke small pieces of the bread at a time for Megumi, occasionally having some of it, too. The boy was starving and so was he, but if it were between him and his son lacking energy, he would be the one to push through the tiredness that came with being malnourished. Toji watched as Megumi chowed down, almost entirely dull eyes presenting a soft glimmer at the sight of his most cherished person stuffing his face mercilessly. It broke his heart when he had to tell him that there was no more, displaying the empty, crinkled, plastic wrapper to the boy, and watching in real time as his little face went glum.

Once they got done with their "meal" break, they kept walking towards neon signs. Toji didn't have a cent on him, so whenever him and Megumi walked into smaller and more rare 24/7 convenience stores or liquor stores, they got turned away, all of the lazy, inconsiderate people in charge saying the same thing, like it was a damn script. 'If you're not gonna buy anything, get out.' They were most likely threatened by his duffel bag—which was filled with clothes—possibly thinking he would steal from them. They were all so disrespectful, each and every one of them. Toji's blood boiled as he stared them down. He was really trying his hardest to refrain from getting violent in front of Megumi, not wanting to put him through more than he was already going through. He was trembling with rage, tired of being shooed away like they were freakish monsters. He only let go of the tension when Megumi tugged on his coat and pointed at another distant, colorful sign.

Gaining no sympathy from the store Toji told Megumi would be the last one, he gave up and resorted to just looking for some cover. Megumi got tired after walking for so long. He was teary eyed as he told Toji that his feet really hurt and it felt like there was something in his shoe scratching him, so Toji picked him up. He wrapped the unzipped halves of his coat around Megumi, hoping to shield him from as much of the rain as possible.

Eventually, they found a spot with little coverage. It was the smallest skirt of a roof, but it reduced the heavy cascade of the rainfall a little, allowing him to see more clearly.

"Gonna put you down for a little bit, alright?" Toji says, to the boy pressed against his chest. His joints hurt from the cold, but he withstood the weight of his son until he found somewhere good enough to rest.

Megumi nodded, and was put back down onto his aching little feet. He immediately clung to Toji's leg.

"I'm cold," he mumbled, pressing his cheek into rough, wet denim.

The lump in Toji's throat got worse. His vision was no longer blurry just from the rain falling into his eyes. Life faced him with yet another challenge, and maybe before, when he was on his own, he was better at toughing it out, but he's not alone, anymore. There is an entirely separate human being relying on him for survival.

"I know, Megs," he says, swiping away some of the drenched hair that obscures his son's eyes. Megumi looks a lot more like him with his hair flattened down. "Um..." He tries to steady his voice, but his throat aches. He takes a deep breath before retrying. "The rain should be gone by tomorrow." His voice quiets down a little, threatening to break, again, as warm crystals blend together with icy droplets on his cheeks. "We'll stand in the warm sunlight all day, okay?"

"Okay," Megumi responds, hugging his leg a little tighter. He sees a figure approaching in the distance, and immediately tells Toji about it. "Dad, there's someone coming," he says, pointing at the figure that seems to be getting closer and closer.

Toji clears his throat, forcing his emotions down to focus on keeping his son safe. "Stay behind me, Megumi," he says, voice low. The boy scurries to hide behind him, his rapid footsteps splashing water onto the bottom of Toji's pants. The figure comes closer, what looks to be a blue umbrella coming to light. Toji's heart is beating fast. His protective instincts are through the roof. He swears if it's someone else coming to tell him that they can't stand there, he'll actually put up his fists. He feels irritated, like he wants to shout for this speedily approaching stranger to turn around and get lost.

That is until you speak...

"Hey, are you two alright? It's raining cats and dogs out here. What are you doing outside?"

Megumi giggles behind Toji. He liked your method of saying that it's raining hard.

You tilt your umbrella back and look down, offering a friendly smile to the boy. He's got the cutest eyes, and they make brief eye contact with you before he shifts to hide behind who you assume is his dad.

Your attention goes back to the taller man. You see who the boy gets those beautiful green eyes from, but his features aren't something you would necessarily call cute. He has eyes that naturally hold a darkness to them, a straight and pointed nose, and a scar that mars one side of his lips. He's handsome in a rough and scary kind of way. He looks mean, but not mean enough for you to keep walking after you saw him.

"Please, take my umbrella. This rainfall's been pretty extreme, and you're both soaking wet."

"We can't," Toji instantly responds. "I don't have any money to give you for it. We're camping it out here 'til tomorrow."

"I'm not selling it to you," you respond, with a kind smile. "Please, take the umbrella. Your little boy is shivering. He'll catch a cold if you stay like this any longer."

Toji is hesitant, but he's keeping Megumi in mind, as well. He secretly hopes you keep insisting. "What about you, miss? You'll be walking in the rain if we take your umbrella."

"I dressed for the weather. As you can see, i'm wearing a raincoat with a hood and rain boots. You and your son aren't. So, again, please, for the love of god, take my umbrella." You extend the handle towards him, again, and this time he takes it. The heavy raindrops fall onto your head as you rush to put your hood on. You watch as Toji moves so that the umbrella covers both him and Megumi. He looks up at the water that lands on his more effective coverage, like he's expecting there to be a hole in it.

"I- We really appreciate it."

"Oh, it's no problem at all. I'm happy to help," you respond, cheerfully.

There's a pause of silence that normally would be a cue to leave, but you stay for a few more minutes to ensure that they'll be okay.

"Where are you two going? The rain isn't gonna stop for at least another hour."

Toji felt somewhat embarrassed to say this to you, even though he can positively assume that you've pieced things together by now. You're easy to talk to, and you have a kind look in your eyes. You seem to lack judgement towards him.

"We have nowhere to go. We've been kicked out of every store that's open in the area." His heart starts racing and his anger starts to bubble up again, just remembering the careless expressions and monotonous tones. "Lazy assholes wouldn't even spare us a glance as they kicked us to the curb."

At the sound of the curse word, your eyes darted down to the little boy who had been peeking at you as you spoke to his dad. Your heart ached for them. He seemed like a good man just trying to take care of his son and while normally you would be more careful about approaching strangers in the middle of the night, your mental warning signals weren't blaring.

"That's awful. I'm sorry to hear that." Your brows pinch with sympathy towards them. You look down at the little boy once more, then back at his dad, before making your bold decision. "My house is about three minutes that way. You guys can come along with me and get yourselves cleaned up, as well as sleep in my spare bedroom, if you want. I think it's a pretty good offer, but if that's not something you're interested in, i'm content with having given you my umbrella to cover yourselves." You smile at both of them and continue walking in the direction of your home.

Toji and Megumi watch as you walk off, your rain boots creating ripples in puddles with every step you take.

"What do you say, Megs? Should we follow the pretty girl to her house?" He looks down at Megumi, then glances back up to make sure he doesn't lose you.

"Let's go, dad! She's walking really fast!"

Toji grabs ahold of the back of his soggy sweater, before he starts aimlessly chasing you. "I know where she went, kid. Don't run off without me."

You smiled when you saw two shadows cut off by the dome shape of an umbrella, walking behind you. You opened the front door to turn on the porch light as well as the living room light before standing outside, waiting for them. You properly introduced yourselves once they made it to your doorstep, appreciations and humble responses being tossed back and forth for your generosity.

"Make sure to leave your shoes out here," you say, smiling as they line their soggy footwear along the front of your house. The difference in sizes made you giggle to yourself.

"Alright, bathrooms over there," you point towards the hallway to your left. "It's the second door to the right. Oh, just follow me," you say, leading them in that same direction. "Let me grab some towels for you guys." They both follow along, silently, wet socks leaving footprints on the floor.

"Here you go," you say, handing Toji the towels. "There's shampoo, conditioner and body wash in there, too. I'll grab a bag for you to put your wet clothes in."

You're overly generous and Toji is utterly speechless about it. Who opens their home to strangers, so easily? It's not that he's unappreciative, he's just in shock. He's never been a lucky person. The past months have certainly emphasized it, but this was a total shift. You're a saint for offering them a place to take refuge.

"Well, i'll leave you guys to it," you say, with that same kind smile he's been seeing, before walking back to the living room.

The warm water feels heavenly on his aching body. He's happy to be able to clean himself up with good soap, wash his greasy hair, and clean under his fingernails. The treatment went to Megumi first. The boy basked in the warm water and the clean scent of the shampoo lathered into his hair. He didn't enjoy having his feet cleaned because there were blisters on them. That was the scratchy, stinging feeling he felt earlier. Toji told him he would ask if you have a first aid kit and he calmed down a little. He now sits in a towel on the toilet seat cover, waiting for Toji to finish up. Once Toji comes out of the shower, he fishes through his duffel bag for clothes to dress Megumi and himself into. Most of it is damp, but it's all they have.

Toji opens the bathroom door and is met with the sound of a plastic bag rustling on the floor. It's for the wet clothes, like you said. He throws the bundle of soggy clothes into the bag and ties it up, leaving it on top of his duffel bag, against the wall.

Toji doesn't know what to do when he finds that you're not around. He doesn't want to intrude anywhere he isn't supposed to, but he ends up peeking into rooms with open doors, Megumi trailing right behind him.

He thinks maybe you aren't in one of them until he sees a flash of movement in his peripheral vision. He checks again, a little more carefully this time and catches a glimpse of you changing out of your clothes. He puts a hand over Megumi's eyes, but freezes there, absorbing the sight of you tugging your shirt off and slipping out of your pants. That enormous raincoat really worked to hide your gorgeous body. You're a heavenly sight for incredibly sore eyes. Toji knew it was wrong of him to stand there and watch you undress, so once you unhooked the clasps of your bra and he saw your unrestricted, naked back, he snapped out of his trance and looked away. He was aware of how perverted it was for him to get that far, so he didn't stand there for much longer, especially, since Megumi was there clawing at his hand to get it off his eyes.

He turned Megumi around before uncovering his eyes and pulled him along to wait in the living room for you to come out.

A couple minutes passed and you came out to the living room in a t-shirt and sweatpants.

"Hey, did the shower do you guys any good?" You ask. They're awkwardly standing next to the couch instead of sitting on it.

"Sure did. Thanks for that. Also, any chance you got a first aid kit or just some bandages lying around? The kid's got blisters on his feet."

Your heart sinks. It must have been hell for both of them to walk around and stand in those wet socks and shoes all day.

"Oh god, yes. Give me one moment. Sit, sit," you say ushering them to take a seat on the couch. "Get off your feet. You both must be exhausted. Just- One sec." You put a finger up, quickly making your way to the cabinet where you keep your kit, returning to the pair in seconds.

"Poor baby," you coo, offering a soft look to the boy as you hand the kit to his dad. "There should be all kinds of stuff in there. Alcohol wipes, ointment, bandages- It's a first aid kit, what am I telling you this for?" You laugh, lightheartedly, making the corners of Toji's lips twitch with held back amusement. "You guys hungry?"

Megumi's eyes instantly make contact with Toji's. His wide-eyed expression makes you smile. It's as if he's trying to desperately communicate that he is, to his dad, so he doesn't have to directly tell you.

"I mostly have ingredients for breakfast. I hope you don't mind. As you can see-"

"Ow, ow, ow!" Megumi cries out, abruptly pulling his foot out of Toji's hands.

Toji retracts the alcohol wipe, his other hand still suspended in the air. "I know, Megs, but we gotta get them cleaned up or they'll get worse."

"It h-hurts. No, I don't want to do this," he says, his voice shaky and paired with weary, glossy eyes.

"I know, bud. I'm sorry. I'll try to get it done as fast as I can."

Those words aren't very comforting to the one who's on the receiving end of the pain. Megumi can't see the damage or how quickly Toji is working. All he can feel is the excruciating, merciless burn, of rubbing alcohol on open skin.

"Hey," you call, smiling as you plop down right beside him. Toji lifts his gaze, his protectiveness towards Megumi completely instinctive. "I have some questions that I think only you would know the answers to. Not even your dad would know the answers to these extremely hard questions." You nod at Toji, as if giving him a signal for him to continue on with the cleansing. He grabs the boy's ankle and lifts his foot, revealing the scattered spots of peeled back skin on the sole.

"Do you know the name of the dinosaur with the reallyyy tiny arms and the long tail?"

"Uh... um... it's a-" he cuts himself off with a cry and attempts to pull his foot back again. Toji's grip is a little tighter, this time.

"It's got reallyyy tiny arms and it's tall and it stands on two feet," you say, enthusiastically, ruffling his hair to keep his attention on you.

"T-Tyrannosaurus... Rex," he responds, through quivering lips.

"Yeah! You got it! Alright... I think that was a little too easy for you. Let's see... Oh! What is the name of the planet in our solar system with the really big rings around it?"

You glance over at Toji as he finishes up wrapping the boy's foot. One more foot to go. He grabs Megumi's other ankle, examining the damage and his expression is something of hurt and empathy. He sighs before ripping open another alcohol wipe packet.

"That's Saturn. It comes after Jupiter."

You smile, proudly. "That's right! You're too smart for my questions." Megumi giggles, blushing at your praise. You scramble to think of another question when you see Toji lean in, bringing the alcohol wipe close to the bottom of Megumi's foot, again. You can't focus. You're worried about how he'll react when the wipe meets his broken skin.

"Um..."

"Ow! Stop! Stop it, please!" He throws his arms around you and sobs into your side.

"Megumi." Toji's tone is still gentle, but there's a tinge of warning, like he's trying to convey that it's inappropriate for him to just latch onto you like that.

"Oh, it's okay, sweet boy. It's alright," you coo, as he continues to cry. You look at Toji, your sympathetic expression taking in the stern one he holds on his son. "Can I hug him?" You ask.

Toji's gaze flits to yours and when he sees the sadness in your eyes, he has no other choice but to soften up. You asking for permission to hug his suffering child, is only further proving your saintly status. Who in the world is this good?

"Yeah, that's fine. It only seems fair since he already attached himself to you." A faint smile appears on his lips, before he returns his gaze to the bottom of Megumi's foot.

You sigh in relief and immediately embrace the sniffling boy. "It's almost over. Just a little longer. When it hurts just squeeze me as hard as you can, okay?" You give Toji a tight-lipped smile, and nod like you did before.

He resumes, wiping at the raw skin of his poor son's trembling foot. Megumi continues to howl in pain, the sound of his muffled, shaky breathing, entirely heart shattering. He's holding onto you, tightly, pulling at your shirt as he squirms around.

You watch Toji finish up tending to his wounds by bandaging his foot, like he did to the one before. As soon as he lets go of Megumi's ankle, the boy is quick to bring his legs up to curl up entirely into you. "See? It's all over, honey. All done."

Toji has the most guilt-ridden expression you've ever seen. He closes up the kit and sets it aside on the arm of the couch, his hands folded as he watches his son search for comfort in the most comfortable stranger they've met in so long. "Why don't you go give papa a hug?"

The boy loosens his hold on you and looks at you with his puffy, green eyes, nodding before he crawls over to his dad. He's careful to not put pressure on the bottoms of his feet and the second he's in his dad's familiar embrace, he starts crying again. Toji smiles, tenderly, a soft laugh sounding out as he cradles his son's head with one hand, while the other keeps him close. You see his eyes shine a little more, like he's holding back strong emotions. It's an entire sight of clear adoration.

"You're so strong, buddy. I'm proud of you." He presses a kiss to the top of his head, shutting his eyes as he holds him for a couple minutes.

"Can we have food?" Megumi asks, his voice meek when he wiggles out of Toji's arms. He looks up at him with brilliant, pleading eyes. Toji's gaze flits to you, then back to Megumi with uncertainty.

"Right, food. Like I was saying before." You laugh, nervously. You're somewhat embarrassed about what you're going to reveal. "Most of what I have is for breakfast. I work in the morning and as you know now, I stay out pretty late. I don't have time to come home and make dinner, but, I always have time for pancakes."

A small voice chimes in. "I like pancakes."

You gasp. "You do?"

The boy smiles, still slightly reddened eyes looking back at you as he nods. He sniffs before elaborating. "Yeah, my dad took me for my birthday one time."

Your heart ached so much throughout the short amount of time that you've known them. You've wanted to cry so many times now, but you haven't for the sake of them not seeing it as pity. You are offering your utmost support and that's all.

"Your dad took you to get pancakes for your birthday?" You receive another enthusiastic nod from the boy. "That's awesome! I bet they were sooo good, huh?"

"Uh-huh! Can I have some pancakes?"

"Please," Toji whispers, correcting his manners.

"Please?"

You look at Toji and laugh, luring another soft smile from him. "Sure. How many?"

"Six, please."

"Megs, that's a lot," Toji says, running his fingers through his damp hair.

"No, no. Six pancakes coming up. What about you?" You ask Toji.

"Uh... Actually, that's alright. I don't wanna inconvenience you anymore than we already have."

"Shush, it's not an inconvenience. I'm cooking for both of you. How many pancakes do you want, Toji?"

His name should not have sounded so soft. It sounded like you were talking to someone you really care about, like someone you've known forever.

"Four, please."

"Six as well? Coming right up."

-

They both sat at the table, waiting for you to finish cooking. Toji had already asked if you needed any help, and you told him that you could handle it, but as he watched you move around the kitchen, the guilt started biting at him again. He told Megumi to stay in his seat and that he would be back.

"Anything I can help you with?" He asks, again, leaning against the frame of your kitchen's entryway.

"You already asked me this. Go sit with your son. I've got this all under control."

He doesn't move an inch and instead decides to stick around and make you nervous by watching your every move.

You sigh, defeated. "You really wanna help me with something?"

"Of course. Let me earn all of this, sweetheart."

You know he means nothing by the word. It's probably just the way he talks, but it's got your heart racing just a little bit. You compose yourself and push down these flustered feelings and turn off the stove.

"Can you bring down the plates and utensils?" You point at their respective locations and he moves immediately.

"Mhm. What else?" He asks, bringing down three plates.

"Does your son like chocolate milk?" You ask, taking the plates from him to begin serving the portions of food.

Toji looks over at Megumi who's swinging his feet and tapping his fingers against the table, patiently waiting for his meal. "He loves it."

"Well, I have chocolate syrup and milk in the fridge if you wanna make some for him." He freezes, just standing there while mumbling out a couple placeholder words. His awkwardness is cute. "You can open the fridge, Toji." There's no bite to your tone, more like underlying encouragement.

"Sorry. Don't wanna be disrespectful and touch things without your permission," he says, opening the fridge and grabbing the half gallon of milk and the bottle of chocolate syrup.

"Don't worry about it. Cups are up there," you say, pointing to the cabinet next to the fridge. "You can open the cabinets, too," you joke.

His lips twitch with amusement at your teasing. Your sense of humor is refreshing. There hasn't been much for him to smile about, lately, but you fit right into that very short list. You're just so easy going and warm and completely inviting. You must be loved by everyone.

"Food's served. Help me with the last plate, please?" You grab the bottle of maple syrup and hold it against your side so you can pick up the two full plates on the counter, unable to carry the third one. He finishes mixing up the chocolate milk and puts the ingredients away, before joining you and Megumi at the table. You're setting down Megumi's plate, smiling at the way he stares hungrily at the food before him. His visible excitement is heartwarming yet saddening.

You know they both have to be starving... Which is why you don't say a thing when they start scarfing down their food. They're devouring the eggs and pancakes. The bacon is already gone. Megumi took a huge gulp of his chocolate milk and immediately started stuffing his face with food again. You focus on your own meal and pay no mind to the lack of conversation. Neither of them are looking at you, too busy filling the almost bottomless pit of their stomachs. Occasionally, you look over at Toji. It goes without saying, but there's no judgment for his manners, either. You excuse his impatience for wanting to eat more, just as you excuse Megumi's. You hold nothing but respect for him, as a single father raising his son through such a difficult time.

They had the same mannerisms. Pushing their plates forward when they finished their seconds, wiping their faces of anything that littered them, and groaning with their bellies full of food.

"Sorry you had to witness that," Toji finally says. The tips of his ears are red and he's finding it hard to look at you without feeling ashamed for the way he ravaged his meal.

You smile. "Don't worry about it. I'm just happy you liked the food."

"Oh, yeah. Best breakfast i've ever had."

You laugh at his compliment. "You're exaggerating. There's no way."

"Why would I lie to you?" He asks, smirking at the color blooming on your cheeks and the huge smile stretched on your face.

"To be polite? I don't know," you say, through remnants of your laughter.

"Nah, I see no reason to lie to a sweet girl like you." He's pushing it on purpose. Your smile is as sweet as the syrup used on the pancakes. He likes it a lot. "I stand by what I said."

Megumi doesn't understand what's going on. All he sees is his dad and the really nice woman who let them stay in her house, going back and forth over something, laughing. He looks up at Toji and wonders why his cheeks are so red and why his eyes are so shiny, and then he looks up at you and wonders why you're smiling so big and laughing so much. He doesn't get it, at all, but then his name is mentioned.

"Megumi can back me up. He even licked the plate," Toji says, bringing attention to the boy. "The food was great, huh, Megs?"

He's silent, for a few seconds—shy, due to the two pairs of eyes on him. "I really liked it," he says, quietly. "More than the... birthday... pancakes..." he trails off at the end, scared of how Toji might react. Toji just pats his head, as if insinuating that it's okay for him to feel that way.

"See? Kids are harsh with criticism, too. You know he's telling the truth when he admits that this was better than his birthday pancakes. After I took him to the restaurant, he wouldn't stop asking if we could go again for his next birthday."

You smile and look down at your own empty plate, feeling bashful over all their love towards your strange breakfast at midnight. "Well, thank you. Now that you've eaten, you must be pretty tired, huh?" You can see it clear on their faces. Toji has the eye bags of a father with a newborn child and Megumi doesn't even attempt to hide his tiredness, his chin resting in his palm. "I'll take care of the dishes once I show you your room," you say, standing from your chair. They stand up in tandem, and follow you through the living room. Toji swoops up his duffel bag and the plastic bag of wet clothes from where he left them against the wall, taking the minimal belongings he and his son have to this temporary placement.

"Don't mind how boring it looks," you say, standing against the door as they walk in. "It's mostly just me sleeping in here. It's weird because I have the master bedroom, yet I change the room I sleep in almost every night."

Megumi instantly makes himself comfortable, letting out a big sigh as he spreads his limbs over the bed. He lies right on top of the covers instead of getting under them, scared of grazing his feet against the blanket and hurting them.

"We're sharing the bed, Megs. Turn down the starfish act."

You press your lips together, stifling a laugh when Megumi doesn't move an inch. Toji just shakes his head and fishes out a plastic bag with their hygiene products. "Your teeth are gonna fall out if you don't brush them," he says, earning an irritated whine from the boy, before he flutters his eyes open and sits up, ready to do as he's told.

"I'm gonna go get those dishes washed and the kitchen organized," you say, with a polite smile. "I'll be awake for a while, so if you need anything, let me know."

"We really appreciate it," Toji says, taking in the soft smile and nod you give him before leaving them.

He doesn't intend to let you think he's lazy by letting you clean up after both him and Megumi, alone. No, you don't deserve to be repaid that way after everything you've given them, so he tiptoes out of the room when Megumi falls asleep, hoping you're still out there and not in one of the rooms again. To his relief, you're wiping down the table and pushing in the chairs that were once occupied.

"Hey." Your body jolts at the sound of Toji's voice, your hand coming up to clutch your chest. "Shit, my bad," he says, grinning at your reaction.

"No, I just thought you both were asleep already. Is everything okay? Need another blanket?"

He shakes his head. "Nah, it's surprisingly warm in that room. I let the kid ball up in the blanket and I opened a window. Hope you don't mind."

You shake your head, permissibly, and continue on wiping down the table.

"So... what's the deal with you coming home to no one? Is your partner out of town or something?" He stands behind the chair he sat in before, hands resting on the top of it.

"No." You laugh. "I'm living the solitary life. I go out with friends, but it's usually just to catch up with them, not to meet someone new."

He hums, then clicks his tongue. "That's a real shame."

"How come?" You ask, folding up the damp cloth in your hands. You make eye contact with him, as you await his response, and your heart is suddenly beating so fast. He's attractive. It's a fact you haven't refuted since you first saw him, but you can't let yourself be outwardly nervous because of it. You're supposed to be creating a hospitable environment for him and his son. So far, so good, but now it's just you and him talking. Two adults, now able to discuss adult matters without censorship. It's a lot more real.

"You're damn good at caring for people. Guess I thought it would be fair to assume that you had someone to practice on."

"No, it's just in my nature," you say, pushing in the final chair. You move to the kitchen and set the cloth down on the countertop next to the stove. "Can I ask you something? Feel free to change the subject if it's too personal."

He knows exactly what you're going to ask, and he's ready to respond. He hasn't been asked about this in a while, but he hasn't been thinking about it, either. There's too much about survival and Megumi going on in his mind.

"Shoot," he says, watching as you wipe down the counter.

"Where is Megumi's mom?"

Plain and simple. No assumptions or guesses added so that there is no inflicted damage accompanied by your curiosity.

"She's dead."

Plain and simple. No need to dramatize or tread around the fact. It's just a statement to those he tells.

You feel your stomach twist and your blood runs cold. You stop what you're doing and look at him, attempting to keep your expression neutral, despite the fact that he just dropped something so heavy. You flinch when he laughs.

"You're pale as a ghost. That's the best reaction i've gotten so far."

"Sorry," you manage, through a barely there smile. You've never met a widower. It's strange how nonchalantly he let you know about it. "How did Megumi handle it?" You ask, hesitantly, resuming your cleaning of the countertop.

"He didn't know her. This probably sounds dickish for me to say, but i'm glad he still hadn't gotten attached to her, when she passed."

"No. What you said... it's justified," you say, disagreeing with his personal offense. "You're doing a great job with Megumi. He's such a sweet little boy. I don't know your story, but please know that I will never judge you for what's led you to this point. All I will say is that your efforts are visible, and that says a lot about you. More than you may think."

He goes quiet. Not to intentionally make you uncomfortable, he just hasn't felt this good about himself in a very long time. This seems like some sort of illusion. What if he's actually on the ground, passed out from the lack of nutrients in his body and this is his dream? It's such a sweet dream and he selfishly doesn't want to wake up, but Megumi. There's only one way to find out.

He steps closer to you, slowly, while admiring the focus you have on the counter that you returned to a pristine state. When he's directly next to you, he just stands there, silently, until you turn your attention to him. You leave the towel on the counter and look up into his tired eyes.

"Can I give you a hug?" You ask, not moving your hand from where it rests on the surface, until he responds.

He nods and steps into your embrace, and though you're smaller in frame than him, your warmth envelops his entire being at the speed of a lightning strike. He feels the way Megumi must have felt earlier, drawn by your comforting presence. A minute goes by and he still hasn't retracted his arms. He feels a lump in his throat—his emotions are beginning to overpower him. He can't hold them back the way he did before, when he was trying to protect Megumi from you— the person who turned out to be their savior.

He holds you tight against him, uncaring of the vulnerability that rushes him as he lets you surround him. He's crying into the shoulder of a stranger, and in that moment, there's nothing wrong with it. There will never be anything wrong with it. The thought of possibly never seeing you again induces more tears and makes him hold onto you even tighter. He doesn't want to leave. He doesn't want to take Megumi back outside, where people are rude for simply wanting temporary shelter. You showed them a tenderness that he will never be able to get out of his head. He's sure that even if you never reappear in their lives, Megumi will ask about you over and over again, the same way he relentlessly asked for those birthday pancakes.

"I'm sorry," he croaks, muffled by your shoulder. You respond by simply hugging him tighter. He still isn't letting go, and you've decided that you won't be the first to pull away. It doesn't cost you a thing to be his confidant for a moment. Who knows how long he's had this all pent up? He can't exactly break down in front of the person who relies on him. Especially, when it's a child who could easily be frightened by the sight of an adult crying.

He squeezes you once more, before loosening his hold on you. His arms still cling to your sides and he's still really close, but now he's looking into your eyes, the blurriness subsiding as he blinks. You offer him a warm smile, hoping it brings the slightest bit of comfort to him, but he doesn't say a thing. He just keeps looking into your eyes. Your enticing, welcoming, entirely dreamlike eyes.

"You're gonna be okay, Toji." You pull his hands into yours. His hands are manly and rough, his knuckles dry as you brush them with your thumbs. "I promise, both you and Megumi will be fine."

"You promise?" He says, the volume of his voice reduced to almost a whisper. His gaze is softened entirely as he looks at you.

"Yes, I promise," you respond. "I've never done this before— picking a stranger up off the street, much less a package deal—but I don't regret meeting you and Megumi." You squeeze his hands, before letting them go. "I'd like to help you."

Toji's heart pangs. He's trying not to get his hopes up, but it really sounds like you're about to rescue them.

"It would be heartless of me to house you for only a night, just to release you both into the same struggle you went through before. Megumi's feet need to heal and i'm sure you need to heal, as well. You both just really need to rest," you say.

"What?" He immediately feels stupid. He heard everything you said, but the astonishment he felt, spoke before he could think of what to say.

"You guys wanna be my roommates?" You simplify. "I know you barely know me and I barely know you, but people find roommates on websites all the time. It's not really so different this way, is it?"

He laughs, the sound somewhat congested from his previous wave of emotions. "Guess not."

You chuckle. "There's not much to watch out for with me. I go to sleep late so you might hear me laugh at something stupid on my phone, but that's about it."

His heart is racing. He already proved that this isn't a dream, but it's all so much. It's so sudden. Of course he's not gonna say no. Him and Megumi are finally somewhere safe, with someone who cares and isn't asking for anything in return. You want their company. You interacted with them, you tried to get to know them. You tried to get to know him. You let him get close enough to hold you and cry on you, and through it all, there wasn't a single ounce of judgement from you. Of course he's not going to say no. Who would pass up an opportunity like this?

"No...? Yes...? I swear i'm not that bad," you say, laughing.

"I would be real stupid to say no, and that's something I can't afford to be."

You smile. "Perfect." You pick up the towel and throw it into the used pile. "You should probably go to bed. You haven't rested properly in a while. Some sleep would do you good."

He nods. "Yeah, but are you done out here? You need help with anything? I know me and the kid were pigs for leaving our plates unwashed like that. I swear it won't be like that all the time with us."

"You're okay. I'll give you a pass this time because you just got here." You give him a teasing smile. "And yeah, i'm all finished here. I'll head to bed in a few minutes."

You said that you were done and then you continued to organize more things in the kitchen, so Toji stayed to keep you company. You turned down his help multiple times, so he ended up getting comfortable by leaning back on the kitchen counter. He watched you walk back and forth, putting the dishes you washed back in their place.

One day you won't lie about things being done so that he can run off to relax while you continue to do things alone. You'll get better at asking him for help and if you don't, he'll have to be more insistent, but for now, he's content with lingering so that you aren't alone.

devoted f.toji

pairings: fushiguro toji x fem! reader

cw: heavy angst, arranged marriage, illness, inaccurate descriptions of heart disease (just did some research lol), megumi is 5 years old, mentions of abuse, some kissing, mentions of pregnancy, drinking, toji is giving mixed signals, suggestive themes, lots of cursing, happy ending. wc: 18k

a/n: this was a filo au that i posted on tiktok, but due to problems posting on tiktok, the story wasn't finished and now here it is with an ending!! sorry for the long wait my tiktok readers 🥹 i'm sorry if the ending did not meet your expectations :') will post the angst ending soon

despite the years his past wife died, he still couldn't move on. it's up for the fate to decide if you could change him.

happy ending | alternate angst ending

being an outcast in your family is the worst. you were forced to marry someone who's like you.

toji fushiguro, an outcast in his family and both of you were forced to marry each other. you've heard rumors about him. mostly bad ones. his father's company is famous after all.

toji have a son from his deceased wife. the time you met his son, megumi, you thought the kid will hate you but it was the opposite. he welcomed you, even told you that he was happy he finally has a mother.

you and toji never really interacted with each other that much, only if needed, like family gatherings or when megumi is around. who would want to show a kid that you're not interested with each other, right? but when it's just the two of you, both were completely a stranger to each other. there were times were you wanted to start a conversation because sleeping in one bed was awkward especially when there's no conversation at all.

you did start a conversation at some point but toji's presence was intimidating enough to shut you up. as time passes by, you're getting used to his presence. he seemed to be scowling at all times but you noticed that, that's just how he is. you continued to interact with him until you and him finally got comfortable with each other, where good morning and good nights were exchanged. but then you've grown attached to the man, especially his son.

when you asked toji why his last name is fushiguro, he told you that it was his deceased wife's last name. toji still refused to bring back his last name which is supposed to be zenin. he told you that his family once forced him to use zenin again but toji simply ignored them. even though toji was an outcast, none of his family couldn't argue with him so he kept the last name fushiguro while you stick with your own last name.

being an outcast, you didn't feel any love from your family and the simple things toji showed you made you feel loved. that night he let you borrow his jacket when it started to snow unexpectedly, those times where he makes extra coffee for you, he would even let you hug him if you have nightmares and most of all, he defends you from your family.

that's what you loved, no– love about him. but you wonder, does toji feel the same? and the answer was already obvious. toji only accepted the marriage because he doesn't have a choice. they will remove him from the business his family owns and he doesn't want that because he needs money for his son, megumi. he promised his deceased wife that he'll take care of megumi after all.

and you adore toji for that. sometimes you think, will toji cherish you the same way he does with his deceased wife? even if his wife died many years ago, he still have the love he has for her, as if she's still around to feel it.

-

you were currently laying on the couch as you hug yourself for warmth. it wasn't an argument with toji, but you just want to be left alone for now. the words "i love you" accidentally slipped out of your mouth, and you didn't mind if toji doesn't reply and you just hoped he didn't reply to it at all.

"i love you, toji." you whispered, enough for him to hear and his eyes looked guilty as he looked away from you.

"you shouldn't." toji replied. "you'll just hurt yourself."

"i know."

"you know we're married only in papers, we already decided to be just friends." you already know that, but you couldn't just hold back anymore, and of course he would say that. toji thinks no one could replace the love his deceased wife showed and gave him. she was there at his lowest point, she comforted him, told him the words he doesn't know he deserves to hear and toji just couldn't open his heart to love someone, at least not anymore. his wife was enough, megumi addressing you as his mother is enough, even a part of toji doesn't want it.

you glanced at the ring he's caressing on his finger. it should be the ring you placed on his finger on the wedding day but instead, it was the promise ring his wife had gave him. your heart couldn't ache anymore. you're so used at the empty feeling that it doesn't hurt you anymore.

"i'm sorry.." you mumbled as you excused yourself, deciding to just sleep on the couch. there you've grown to realize that being attached with toji fushiguro was the biggest mistake you'll ever done but you'll never regret.

-

you woke up with a shuffling beside you. you opened your eyes and saw megumi with his small blanket on his hand as he frowned at you.

"mama, it's cold." megumi said as he hurriedly draped his blanket above you.

"it's fine, megumi." you smiled at him as megumi tucked his small body on your arms.

"mama, did papa make you cry?" megumi asked and you pinched his nose as you disagree with his question.

"no megumi, mama fell asleep here while watching." you said.

"okay, i love you mama." megumi said and it has been minutes since he said those words and you were still silent that it made megumi look up at you.

"mama, i love you." he repeated with a hushed tone.

"i―" it was as if you choked on something as you embraced the child. "i love my baby too." you muttered.

after that conversation with toji, everything feels weird as if it's reminding you of your place, that you were forced to marry toji to strengthen your family's bond with the zenin's.

"papa loves you too." megumi mumbled and you just hoped it was true.

toji's mother suddenly visited that day without a notice and toji wasn't around. his family doesn't really hate you but there's always a weird atmosphere around when you're close with them. just when his mother asked where toji was, he suddenly came back from work.

you knew he went here in rush, and the way he wrapped his arms around you as his lips came in contact with your forehead made your heart flutter. but you reminded yourself that it was only for a show. his mother smiled at the scene as toji sat beside you on the dining table.

"what brings you here, ma." toji asked in an annoyed tone.

"i just wanted to visit my grandson." you excused yourself a bit as you made your way towards the kitchen to make them something to eat and drink, and when you came back, the question you and toji were avoiding got asked by his mother.

"when do you plan on having another child?" she asked.

"no plans yet, we're to busy to have another child running around. megumi is enough."

"it's been a year since you're both married. why not give it a try?"

"ma―" you cut toji off before he could say something harsh to his mother.

"we did try it, ma, but it didn't really work so we decided to just wait for the right time." you answered, lied for toji and his mother seemed to buy it.

"ok.. but i am getting old, toji. we need to see a female granchild too." she said before excusing herself to go to her grandson who was playing. toji huffed at her mother's response as he stood up from the chair.

"i am sorry about that, toji." you said because as much as possible, you wanted to avoid answering that question too. toji sighed as he left the kitchen to get changed and when he went back to the living room, his mother was about to leave.

finally. he thought.

"just give it a try." toji's mother told you as she went inside her car.

"why'd she go here without informing me." toji muttered as megumi sat between you and him on the couch, showing the chocolate his grandmother gave him.

"i was surprised too."

"that's fine, thank you for covering up for me." he said as he stood up from the couch and took the chocolate on megumi's hand while carrying him. megumi whined in surprise as his father carried him like a sack of rice as you slowly followed behind.

"papa!" he exclaimed, kicking and punching but it was no use.

"come on, we don't want mama to get mad for eating to much sweets at night." toji said. he wasn't talking about you, you know that.

he placed megumi down beside the refrigerator as he placed the chocolate inside.

"too much sweet is not good for you." toji said as he carried megumi once again.

-

you just finished washing the dishes as you walked past megumi's room, and their muffled voices made you eavesdrop at their conversation, and you maybe you just didn't.

"megumi, why are you being so stubborn? you don't want mama to get mad right?"

"mama doesn't get mad at me!" megumi yelled as you smile a bit at his words.

"megumi, did you already forget your real mama, hm? she'll be sad in heaven. you want that?" toji said and his words was like a needle that was continuously poking at your chest.

"huh? but mama is here." megumi said, pointing at the door.

"look, (name) is just a replacement for your mama, but your real mama? she loves you, her love for you couldn't be replaced by someone."

"even (name)?" megumi said, and the way he addressed you by your name, you admit hurts. you took a deep breath as you felt a sharp pain in your chest. but that's fine, you're already used to it.

"yes, now go and sleep okay?"

"okay."

-

megumi started acting awkwardly towards you the next day, he was trying his best to avoid your gaze, maybe even you. he would stutter through his words between calling your name or 'mama'.

"bye bye, (name).." megumi looks away at you as he held toji's hand.

"bye bye." you replied as you forced a smile and megumi looked back once at the front door as they finally left the house.

-

"papa, i don't want to see mama sad." megumi said as toji placed his seatbelt. megumi might be a kid but he can clearly understood human emotions. when he called you by your name earlier, he saw how your smile disappeared but then you covered it up by a forced smile, and you just let him call you by your name.

"she's not sad-"

"yes she is."

"you don't understand, megumi." toji said and megumi only kept quiet because he knew arguing with his father is useless.

-

megumi jolted awake. he fell asleep after being in school the whole day as he searched for your presence. he had a dream, a really bad one and he found you in your and his father's room, talking to someone in your phone. megumi heard a sob coming out of you. you said something that megumi couldn't quite hear as you finally ended the call. he watched as you wiped your tears with your palms and took a deep breath. megumi silently close the door as he went back to the living room, sitting patiently as you appeared on his view.

"oh, megumi. how was your sleep?" you asked as you kneeled infront of the boy. megumi observed your eyes, they were a bit red.

"it's fine, mama." you were taken aback. he's calling you mama again. you smiled as you cupped his chubby cheeks.

"are you hungry?" you asked and he nods as you guided him on his feet. he didn't let go of your hand.

"mama, i love you. you're my one and only mama." you felt megumi's small hands squeeze your big ones, as if he's reassuring you of something.

"i love you too, my one and only baby. now let's go and prepare dinner!" megumi noticed that your mood shifted, and he was proud of himself that he was the one who brought a smile on your face.

-

it's unusual for you to wake up with toji's arms around you. you knew toji didn't do it on purpose, he was drunk last night and you just want to indulge the moment, even just for a minute or even seconds. you felt toji moved and you immediately stood up from the bed.

why do you feel guilty? it's not like you and toji were cheating on his wife. but that's how you felt. toji was still sleeping as you sighed, placing the blanket above him as you went out of the room.

"good morning, mama!" megumi greeted as he closed his ipad off.

"morning, 'gumi. what do you want for breakfast?"

"anything you cook!" he answered as he sat on the kitchen stool, watching you prepare the ingredients you needed.

"pancakes or rice?"

"rice!"

"okay." you laughed at his energetic response.

"mama can we buy art materials later? my teacher said we'll do arts on monday."

"sure, let's go out after we eat."

-

toji heard you and megumi talking as he arrived the living room. and just as he was about to enter the kitchen, your body bumped on his chest.

"oh, i was about to wake you up. breakfast is ready." you said, about to went back to the table but toji held your arm to stop you for a moment. he placed his other hand behind his head as he looks away.

"did i said something weird? last night." he asked as you look at him for a moment before you shake your head left to right. toji sighed in relief as he let go of your arm, both of you sitting on the kitchen stool. you look at toji, and he looks at you, but you couldn't meet his eyes as you smiled at megumi and place the food on his plate.

-

you just finished brushing your teeth as you were disturbed with a loud thud outside the bathroom.

"toji? are you there?" you called.

it was as if your soul went out of your body for a second, toji appeared infront of you. a curse slipped out of your mouth as toji's weight fell on you.

this was your first time seeing toji drunk, even your first time encountering a drunk person and you really don't know what to do so you tried your best to pull him with you in the room since he was so heavy.

once you opened the door of your room, you and toji fell on the ground. does his wife encountered this event a lot of times? if so what did she do?

toji was whispering something. you couldn't quite hear him as you placed your ear close to his mouth, the smell of alcohol getting stronger than it was and he was apologizing. you were confused as you move away from him.

"toji, i can't carry you anymore." you said, trying to wake him up as toji's eyes slightly opened.

"my wife." he whispered, you don't know if that certain beat in your heart was because he called you his wife or maybe because he mistook you of his wife.

and the next words he uttered is what you didn't expect as he suddenly placed his hand on your cheek and you were completely frozen in your spot as he continued to speak.

toji's hand finally slipped from your face as his head fell on your shoulder and you sit there, processing the words he said just a minute ago

he didn't mistook you as if wife, he indeed called you his wife and it warmed your heart.

"mama?" you were out of your thoughts when you felt megumi's hand above yours. "are you okay?" he asked as you look at him and then at toji.

"i'm fine, what was it again?" you asked, facing megumi as he smiled at you.

"papa will go with us later!" he said.

"oh? is that so?" you said as you look at toji, waiting for his answer.

he laughs at your reaction.

"looks like you don't want to?" he joked.

"it's not like that! it's always just me and megumi, since you're always busy.." you responded.

"yeah, today's a day off." you cursed internally. you have an appointment to the doctor today, you thought taking megumi with you would be fine, but toji? what reason should you tell him? you couldn't possibly say that you have a family meeting. no, you don't even have someone you can call a family, except for this two. plus toji would be updated if there's a family gathering.

maybe you'll ask the doctor to move appointments.

-

"are you sure? though i'm not sure when my schedule's gonna be clear again, (name)."

"it's fine choso, i can wait, just update me."

"sorry about that, i'm busy these days plus yuuji's been wanting attention too."

"is that so?" you said as you smile. "i want to meet him soon! looks like he's a good kid."

"soon, i'll bring him to the hospital with me."

"okay, see you next time then?"

"yeah. and (name), don't stress yourself too much, it's bad for the heart." you smiled at his words.

"of course, thank you. bye."

"who's choso?" startled by the voice, you immediately hid your phone behind you.

he was eavesdropping.

toji raised his eyebrow at your reaction as he opened his cabinet.

"a friend of mine."

"really? didn't know you have a friend." toji said in a voice you couldn't recognize, it was as if he's mocking you. you scoffed at him, deciding to just ignore his words.

you were about to leave the room but toji's voice stopped you.

"if you're starting to date someone, don't inform megumi about it. or he'll be sad." he said, mumbling the last sentence as you left. did toji really thought you were dating someone even if you're married already?

sure everything is one-sided, but you just don't have it in you to date someone, not when toji already has your heart, your everything. even if he doesn't know it. but you think it's better for toji to assume that choso is something in your life than choso just being an appointed doctor.

-

toji was too drunk when he got home and he think he just saw his deceased wife, but when he approached the person, it turned out to be you.

toji noticed that he was at the bathroom and felt your hands on his arms as you place it on your shoulder. he felt drinking that day, he wanted to forget everything or maybe when his wife appeared on his dream last night, the words he told her. he didn't want to wake up that night.

toji already forgot her face, her voice, how her hands felt on his. he already promised that they will meet again. in next life or in another universe. it doesn't matter where, as long as he could meet his wife again. but his wife told him in his dreams that he should move on, and he couldn't just do that.

toji did saw your efforts. he saw how you care for him, especially megumi. but he couldn't just stop himself from comparing you to his wife on his mind. no one could ever replace his wife. toji squinted his eyes, he saw you trying to pick him up.

"toji, i can't carry you anymore." but your words was a blur to him.

toji's hand twitched and moved on its own as he sat up from the floor.

"i'm sorry, i can't." he muttered as he placed his rough hand on your cheek, observing your eyes as he leaned his forehead on yours. "i can't love no more. i can't love you the same way. i'm sorry."

toji was the man of your dreams.

he might not know it but toji saved your life, he saved you from the hands of your greedy parents.

"i can't love you the same way, i'm sorry." the way he said those words were filled with guilt.

sometimes you put yourself on his place. if you were the one that has a past lover who died, of course it'll be hard to move on, especially when that person made you feel love and gave you the world.

toji was miserable back then, not until he met her. she fixed him. just like you and toji, you met him and he fixed you. the only difference was they loved each other. she loved him and he loved her, while you love him but he was stuck in the past.

there were times where you watch him sleep, not in a bad way, but just want to admire him where you whisper your love for him. he won't hear it of course. his dreams must be more entertaining than the words you're whispering to him.

toji's words that night made an impact to you. everything he does for you, you started viewing it as him just doing it for kindness and not for love. maybe toji just doesn't want to hurt you further because he knew how badly your family treated you back then. you were on the same page after all.

now you realized that maybe it was bound to happen, that being married with toji is enough, being a mother figure to megumi was enough. he already did enough for you, for taking you away from your hell life. you'll just pay him back by doing what you should for him and megumi.

you'll just love him silently. you'll bury your feelings deep inside your heart that only you, yourself knew. maybe wait for him to finally acknowledge you. but you knew it wouldn't happen this time around.

for now, you'll just watch him love someone who wasn't even around anymore.

-

toji was showing you a picture of his past wife because you asked him to see her. she looked a lot like megumi, but a female version. now you know why toji fell in love with her. even in the picture, it was already obvious that his wife was kind and a loving person. but you're kind and a loving person too, aren't you? the universe is so unfair.

"this is when she was 7 months pregnant." toji said as he pointed a specific picture. you smiled at his words as you continue to listen to him. but toji suddenly went silent all of the sudden and closed the album as he cleared his throat.

"why, did you want to see it?" he asked as he placed the album back inside his drawer.

"just curious, she looked a lot like megumi." you said as you lean your head on your knees, facing him. "how did you meet her?"

"it was an arranged marriage too." he said. "i wasn't really favored with it but i don't have a choice." toji smiled. how can a person like her make him smile like this when you can't? "she was simple, i suddenly fell in love with her." toji said with adoration in his voice as he looked at you.

you sighed as you lay flat on the bed and started stretching your arms.

"ah, i wonder if someone would love me that way too." you sighed as you turned your back on him.

"you will, but that couldn't be me." he said straightforwardly as if reminding you that you couldn't change his mind anymore and it made you curl yourself on the sheets.

"are you and that choso dating?" toji asked as you turn to face him. he was leaning his back on the headboard with a laptop on his lap.

"no? why'd you assume we're dating?"

"you've been going out a lot these days, i just thought."

"are you okay with that?" you asked.

"of course." and he didn't even hesitate which hurt you more. "i mean, maybe he's the one you're looking for?" toji said as he closed the laptop, the surroundings being engulfed with darkness, the bright moon outside being the only source of light.

but you're already here. you wanted to say those words but you already knew what he'll respond to it. toji lay flat on the bed as he placed his arms behind his head while you were still facing him.

"not gonna answer my question?"

"oh? what was it again?"

"i said maybe choso is the one you're looking for."

"toji-"

"i just want what's best for you, y/n. you know, i can't really.."

"toji, i already know that. choso is just a friend, nothing more, nothing less." you said followed by a sigh. "at least just let me be by your side." you whispered, hoping that he heard even just a bit of it.

"if you insist, but i already warned you." toji said.

"i know.." toji was just beside you, but he's far within your reach. has it always been like this? every night, you and toji always ends the day with a conversation, same question with the same answers and toji will end up with his back facing you. every night, you couldn't sleep. only whispering those three words to him hoping and praying that he'll hear it and say it back.

every i love you's that was whispered were left hanging on the air. sometimes it was tiring, thinking of the words toji said that maybe he wasn't really for you and you weren't the one for him.

"good night." you mumbled.

"good night." he replied and everything was dark.

i love you, toji.

those words you utter to yourself every single day and night, hoping that he'll say it back, maybe just once, and it might heal the void inside your heart. but not a single day he said it back.

-

toji felt guilty but he shouldn't be feeling this way. you were just married on papers and already agreed that being friends was enough. yet he couldn't help but watch as you curl yourself, as if seeking for a comfort he knew he couldn't give you. he apologized on his mind, he couldn't say it out loud because he knew how it would hurt you more, so he just stayed silent.

toji switched off the lights as he lay comfortably to the side with your back facing him. he doesn't know how long he's been closing his eyes but sleep just couldn't take over him.

"i love you, toji."

he froze on his spot and his body tensed as he heard you whispered those words. he then felt your fingers caress the scar on his lips.

"i'm sorry if you ever feel guilty for not returning my love for you. but always know that i understand you." you whispered and your touch disappeared on his skin as he felt your warmth get close to him. "i'll keep waiting, maybe someday.." minutes passed, toji was still waiting for you to say something but you were already silent.

he opened his one eye and the first thing he saw was your back, there were a space between you and him.

is it always this far? are you always this far from him? toji doesn't know. he tried to reach for you but he stopped himself. and then again, another apology had slipped on his mind. he couldn't say it back, not when he swore to only say those words to the person he loves.

toji finally closed his eyes as the sleepiness take over his body. he knew that the one for you, who'll cherish you, love you like how you deserve it will eventually come and toji was already certain that it wasn't him.

it was really true that first love never dies now that you've experienced it and toji was enough proof. you couldn't stop loving him the way he couldn't stop loving his past wife. how can you even wish someone to just die when they're already dead? it was weird but were you too cruel for that?

you just hope that someday, toji will look at you the way you've always been wanting and craving. you'll wait, even if your and his hair turns white or even if you only have enough time to live.

-

"just this once?" you whispered as toji held your cold hands as he placed it on his cheek.

toji closed his eyes as he placed your hand back on the bed, hospital bed.

"i'm really sorry.." he whispered back and it was enough for you to hear it.

a small laugh left your lips. it's so hard even to laugh now.

"that's fine, at least thank you for being here."

"i'll say it if you want."

"don't say something you don't mean, toji." you smiled at him.

"yeah, i guess so."

-

you sit up from the bed as you wake up. it was just dream, but it felt to real for it to be a dream.

you couldn't help but cry as you cover your mouth as you felt a hand on your back.

"what's wrong? another nightmare?" toji asked. even in your dreams, in your death bed, toji still didn't love you. even in your deathbed, toji still couldn't love you the way you wanted it. maybe it was sign that toji doesn't have to know your condition.

he doesn't need to know.

"it's nothing, let's go back to sleep?"

-

you went out again. toji heard you talking to someone on the phone, he guessed it was choso. he didn't mean to follow you but he still did.

toji ended up following you on a hospital and he was confused. are you sick? toji asked himself, but you always looked fine.

he anxiously tap his finger on the steering as he waited for you on his car and it took you more than 30 minutes to finally come out of the hospital again.

why does that doctor have to send you out? even placing his hand on your back.

toji watched you enter your car. he waited for you to leave before going out of his car to enter inside the hospital.

he was hesitant as he finally arrived the front desk.

he cleared his throat as he faced the lady infront.

"is there a patient named (name)?"

"(name)?" the nurse repeated as she looked down the lists but your name wasn't there. "i'm so sorry but there is no patient named y/n here."

"ah, mr. fushiguro. did (name) send you here?" toji turned around at the voice and he was met with the same doctor he saw outside the hospital. toji's eyebrow furrowed as he fully faced him. "i'm choso by the way, y/n's doctor. i guess she already told you?"

-

"mama?" you heard as you enter the front door.

megumi approached you as he embraced you.

"did you just woke up?" you asked as both of you went back to the living room.

"a while ago.."

"where's your papa?"

"i woke up when he left."

"he left? but he said it's his day off today." you mumbled as you recalled his words. "anyway, what do you want for breakfast, gumi?"

-

as toji entered the house, yours and megumi's muffled voice can be heard at the front door. it looked like you and megumi is having fun. toji finally entered the kitchen and saw you with megumi baking a cupcake.

"papa!" megumi exclaimed as he jumped down the stool to approach his father, the icing on megumi's clothes being transferred to toji's clean ones.

"welcome back, toji. where have you been?" you asked and it suddenly smelled like cigarettes.

she looks fine. toji thought, but he was trying to stare at you as if it'll reveal something.

"toji?" you called him with concern as he snapped out of his thoughts.

"just went out. who's that for?"

"mama said she wants to try baking!" megumi answered.

"is that so?" toji said as megumi hummed in response.

toji looked at you once again, but his stare was making you uncomfortable. there's something weird about the way he looks at you and it was scaring you.

"i'll rest for a bit." toji said as he left the kitchen.

"mama, did you and papa fight?" megumi asked as he approached you.

"no megumi, he's just tired." you smiled down at megumi to reassure him and he warmly returned your smile.

toji didn't left the room that day.

you lay down beside him, still minding the space with both of your backs facing each other.

you heard shuffling behind you but you paid no mind to it. and when you turned your body to the other side, you were surprised to come face to face with toji.

"hey." you started as you slightly move back to create more space. "are you not hungry? there's still left over from the kitchen.

"i'm fine." toji replied with a low voice as you nod at his words.

"good night, toji." you said as you went back to face the other side again.

you were waiting for his reply but minute passed, he was still silent so you took a deep breath and sighed while closing your eyes. but the moment you closed your eyes, you felt him move close to you. he tucked his arms below your body and then the other above you as he easily pulled you close to him.

"good night." he replied as you look up at him with shock. did he just initiate a physical touch? he's not drunk, right?

"mhm." you simply replied, still surprised. toji didn't move away after that, he stayed still and so were you.

"are you drunk?" you asked that made toji open his eyes.

"i'm not. why asking?"

"well, it's- is this okay with you?" you asked and your voice was too small that toji almost didn't catch it.

you were out of words. it was weird for toji to act this way, especially when he's not even drunk. does he need something from you?

it hurts to think that he's only being affectionate because he needs something from you. either way, you'll still do what he'll ask you because you love him.

"are you not comfortable with it?" the way you immediately stopped him when he was about to remove his arms around you was a desperate move, but you didn't want to lose this chance because it might not happen again.

"no, i like it.. it's just, we've never done this before, shouldn't you be the one who's uncomfortable with this? i mean-"

"shh, let's just stay like this." toji murmured as he pulled you a little more close to him. his warm breath fanning on your neck.

you smiled but if felt like something was missing. you felt complete but at the same time you're not. you placed your hands on top of toji's that was around you as you give it a light squeeze.

"toji." you called his name in a whispered tone as you heard him hummed in response. "i'm not her, toji."

you didn't know why you even said those words. toji was hugging you but there were possibilities of him thinking his wife on you. because why would he suddenly do this if not for that?

as those words left your mouth, the warm presence that was comforting you suddenly disappeared. you weren't even surprised when he did that, just a tiny bit of ache in your heart.

heh, i knew it. but it's fine, i still loved it. you thought to yourself as you ended up curling your own body again, seeking for the comfort that was there just a while ago.

maybe someday, toji will hug you again, but that time, you hope he'll do it as him thinking of you, not while thinking of his deceased wife.

-

"i'm choso by the way, (name)'s doctor. i guess she already told you?"

"hah?" toji rasped in confusion as he looked at choso. so this was choso and he's a doctor.

not bad. toji thought.

"then why are you here, mr. fushiguro? your wife left just 5 minutes ago."

"i know." toji replied.

choso raised his eyebrow at the man in front of him.

"do you perhaps need something from me?" choso couldn't help but ask because the way toji looked at him was different.

"yes, i want to talk to you."

both of them ended outside the hospital where there were no people around.

-

toji slammed his hand on the wall, slightly embarrassed as he watch the doctor laugh in front of him.

"what's funny." toji rasped.

"sorry, sorry-" choso replied as he pants, he never had a good laugh these days. "mr. fushiguro, are you assuming that your wife is having an affair with me?"

"i didn't mean it that way, i was just asking if you and (name) have something."

"mr. fushiguro, ms. (name) is just my patient, i'm sorry if it came off that way." choso said as he leaned his back on the wall. "plus i know my boundaries, i wouldn't go with a married woman, y'know." toji calmed his body as he leaned his back on the wall like choso did.

"she's always talking to you on the phone, that's why i assumed."

"(name) told me a lot about you."

"i'm hoping it's the good ones."

"not even once your wife badmouthed you, mister." choso replied as he offered toji a cigarette to which he declined.

"she's not sick, is she?" toji asked.

"mhm, your wife was diagnosed with arrhythmia."

"arrhythmia?" toji faced choso at his words.

"her heartbeat is irregular, mr.fushiguro. are you not taking a good care of your wife?" choso tried to joke him but he didn't expect toji to stay silent. "well, i hope she's not lying when she said she doesn't smoke and drink?"

"no, she doesn't." toji said.

"anxiety or any emotional distress can cause this. are you perhaps having a lot of fight? her condition has been like this for a long time now."

"no, we don't fight." toji said "is it harming her that much?" toji asked

"for now, it's not. but if she doesn't take a good care of herself, it may lead to a heart failure."

"how to avoid this?" choso looked at toji in disbelief. did you seriously kept it a secret to your husband?

-

"toji." you called him as he was about to leave the house. "i'm sorry about last night." you said.

you frowned as you heard the front door close. toji was ignoring you. you felt guilty for saying those words last night but you just couldn't hold back anymore. it was hurting you. why would you say that when toji only wanted to be close with you?

you sighed in defeat as you turn around, continuing the dishes you were doing.

you knew how toji hated it when it's about his wife, yet you still brought it up.

-

"toji!" you scolded.

it was yet another night where he came home drunk, you're almost starting to get used of this scenario.

"i said don't touch me!" he yelled back as you stumbled back a bit from the force of his push.

you were getting scared. not even once toji had yelled at you, this was the first time. was the words you said really did have an impact to him? now you feel more guilty than you were. you were scared that toji would start looking at you the way your family did.

only because of the stupid words you said.

"toji." you said in a more calmer tone as you guide him on his feet.

"let go." he mumbled.

"i will. let's go to the room first, okay?" you sighed in relief when toji did what you said without saying anything.

"mama.." toji's voice must've woke megumi up as he look at you with concerned eyes.

toji shrugged his shoulders to remove your hand on his shoulders as he kneeled infront of megumi.

"megumi, mama's not here anymore." toji said.

you were taken aback but megumi was more surprised than you were that he started crying.

he was pushing toji away from him as he cry.

"i hate you!" megumi yelled as he finally free himself from toji and hugged your leg.

"it's okay, 'gumi. go back to sleep." you said as you kneeled on megumi's level while he cried in your shirt.

toji stood up by himself as he entered your shared bedroom, closing the door with a force as you flinch in surprise.

"mama." megumi cried.

"it's fine now, he's just tired."

"you say that a lot of times." megumi said as he wiped his tears. "let's sleep together, mama." you look at your room door as you nod at megumi.

maybe toji needs to have his time alone for now.

-

you were humming a lullaby as you sing megumi to sleep.

you already sang the lullaby 3 times already and just like you, megumi couldn't sleep at all. he knew you were crying but he decided to not talk to you.

megumi pretended to be asleep as you finally stopped humming.

he heard you took a deep breath as you pulled his small body close to you.

"night night, 'gumi." he heard you whispered as he felt the dip on his bed beside him disappear.

megumi squinted his eyes and saw you walking out of his room as the door finally closed leaving him inside his now dark room.

megumi sat up from his bed as he silently followed you.

he was tiptoeing as he followed you to the kitchen.

you were sitting there, a glass of water between your hands as you stare at nothing.

you were too drained as you wiped the remaining tears your eyes could release.

megumi was lost in his thoughts and didn't hear you walking on his way, but before you could caught him, he showed himself to you.

"megumi?" you called him, slightly surprised at his presence. "what's wrong?"

"um water, mama." he said as he noticed you smile a bit before giving him a glass of water.

-

"all good?" you asked as megumi tucked you and himself on the blanket as he hug you. he nods in response as he sighed in content.

"mama, i will tell papa tomorrow to say sorry." he said.

"it's fine, 'gumi. he's just tired and mama understands." you said as you brushed megumi's hair with your fingers.

"okay, i love you mama."

"i love you too, now go back to sleep you have school tomorrow."

-

when megumi woke up the next morning, you were still sleeping beside him. he kissed your tear stained cheek as he went out to start his day.

he found his father on the kitchen counter, holding his head with his hand.

toji noticed megumi's presence as he immediately approached his son.

"where's your mama?" toji asked as he placed his hands on megumi's shoulders.

megumi noticed that his father was restless, but he deserved it for yelling at you last night.

"say sorry to mama, papa." megumi said.

"ha? where's she?"

"in my room. mama was crying because of you!" megumi yelled, he almost wanted to cry as he recalled your unreadable expression last night. "i saw mama drink so many medicine, papa." megumi muttered.

toji massaged his temples as he made his way to megumi's room with megumi following behind.

toji slowly opened the door and sighed in relief as he finally saw you.

megumi's small blanket couldn't even cover your whole body as toji approached you and gently carried you to the bed, transferring you to your shared room.

"let's not wake up mama for now." toji said as he pats megumi's head. "i'll drive you to school."

-

"papa." megumi called as he fixed the seatbelt of the front seat. toji hummed in response as he waited for the street lights to turn green. "do you hate mama?" megumi was hesitant at his question.

"no." toji responded plainly.

"but you always make mama cry." megumi mumbled. "you always say that she's not my mama and it's hurting her. i always see mama cry, i just stay quiet." toji ignored his son as he started driving.

-

toji went back home after sending megumi to school and you were still sleeping.

he sat on the bed as he tried to recall anything that has happened last night but he couldn't remember anything.

he felt you moved as he look at you. you were finally awake.

you saw him as you sit up from the bed.

"good morning." you greeted as you rubbed your eyes.

toji was waiting for you to say something about last night but you didn't and instead smiled at him as you stretched your body.

"megumi!" you exclaimed as you realized that you were supposed to send him to school.

"i already drove him to school."

"ah really? thank you." you said as you finally relaxed your body. "then, what do you want for breakfast?"

-

has it been always like this? toji asked himself as he watched you prepare breakfast.

is it always like this the next day when he came home every night he's drunk?

you were all smile but this was the first time toji noticed that it was forced. is it really always like this?

toji wasn't the one to get nervous but when he recalled the nights he came home drunk, he couldn't recall anything.

he must've said or did something hurtful to you that you do not wish to tell him the next morning.

megumi was always a witness to it but you always tell him to stay quiet.

"i'll go out later." you said as he snapped out of his thoughts.

"okay. want me to accompany you?" toji noticed the way you immediately declined his request and there, he exactly knew where you're headed.

toji watched you drink the hot chocolate in your mug.

"(name)." he called.

"mh?"

"i'm sorry. if i ever did something last night."

not just last night, every time he comes home drunk, toji would say something hurtful and you were even convinced that he means some of it.

the first time he came home drunk, he told you he couldn't love you the way you love him and that was fine for you. but second time he came home drunk, he said the words i love you, but it wasn't for you. he said i love you but not your name in it. the third night he came home drunk, he compared you to his wife saying that you couldn't replace the role of being megumi's mother and you know that.

megumi was there and he cried with you saying that he loves you and don't listen to what his father said to you. but then it happened again. he watch his father get mad at everything, including you, his mother who just wanted to help him get to bed. he knew his father wasn't in his right mind because he was drunk. he cried with you again that night.

megumi got used to seeing you hiding your sobs from him. he already saw you cry silently or sometimes you just sit there to stare at nothing. megumi once caught you breathing heavily on the bathroom and there was a blood on the sink. you told him that it was nothing and megumi was just a kid, of course he would believe you that it was just nothing.

but as megumi continues to grow, he's starting to think that his father hates you. he started observing the two of you and there was nothing wrong with your relationship, except when his father is drunk. don't get megumi wrong, he still loves her real mother but you were the one who raised him. he haven't seen his mother once, only in pictures.

"(name)?" you snapped out of your thoughts as you looked from your plate to toji.

"i said i'm sorry." he said.

"it's fine, you were drunk."

"so i did said something, huh." toji cursed under his breath as he heard you laugh.

"don't worry, it's not that deep."

it was. but remembering it will only hurt you more.

you've been having nightmares these days and you don't know if it's a sign for something. every dream you had was weird. there were times where toji would appear in your dreams. sometimes he hates you and sometimes, he loves you that you don't even want to wake up anymore.

you were currently sitting inside a hospital room as choso stood meters away from you.

"are you even taking a rest like i told you to?"

"yes."

"then why is your condition getting worse?" choso's words made you look at him, he was writing something on a paper.

"really?"

"really. (name), i am telling you this now, you'll suffer the consequences if you don't listen to me."

"but i do take rest."

"taking rest isn't enough, you should avoid your heart from getting tired. have you experienced panic attack these past few weeks?"

"n-no."

"you're lying."

"i'm not."

"your husband's worried, you know." you don't know why choso words made your heart clench, but you just hope his words were true.

"really?" you said as if you weren't convinced. choso looks at you and back at the paper as he sighed.

"i'll add another medicine, make sure to take it on time."

"why do we have to do these things?" you said as choso looked up from the paper to you.

"what do you mean?" choso asked as he raised his eyebrow at you.

"i mean, isn't better to just wait until it's over?" choso got silent, clearly surprised at the words you said. you noticed his reaction as you released a nervous laugh. "what am i even saying.." you said as you laughed at yourself.

"are you even hearing yourself?"

"i know what i said, choso. but don't worry, i was just joking."

"not a funny one. you just don't know it (name) but your husband's really worried."

"if you think your words would calm me, it's not working."

"huh?" you stood up from the seat before choso could say something.

"i guess we're already done here?" you said as choso nods.

"(name). take a proper rest."

-

you fell asleep the moment you got home and when you went downstairs, it was messy.

the television was on full volume and megumi was nowhere to be seen. toji was on the kitchen sleeping, there was a consumed bottle of liquor beside him.

"toji." you shake him to wake him up but it didn't work at first try so you did it again.

he was awake all of the sudden as he look around the kitchen. toji was drunk again as you thought of the things that happens every night he came home drunk. you hope he would just stay silent and wouldn't say anything anymore.

"let's get you to bed." you said as you helped him stand up but before you and toji reached the room, you fell on the floor as you entered the room. and the scene was so familiar to you.

"(name)." he called as you snapped out of the memory. "(nameee)." he called again.

"i'm here." you said.

"you're here?" he said as he touched your face as if he doesn't believe you. "you're really here." he said as he smiled and embraced you.

and you, you were taken aback, but you just let him.

"why did you leave me?" he said.

there he goes again.

"hey, look at me." he said as he held your cheeks with his thumb and pointer finger.

why does looking at him hurts.

"don't ever think that i don't love you, okay? i'm so grateful that you're here.." you were waiting for it. for him to call his wife's name but you didn't expect that he'll say yours. "if i started loving you, are you going to stay?" he said and you were speechless. "i'm sick of people leaving me." he mumbled as he embraced you. "i don't want you to leave. i promise, i'll love you like how you want it. i'll do it, i'll move on from her but in exchange, don't ever leave, okay? we'll heal you, you'll be fine."

what was he even talking about? it's not like your leaving or something, right?

you sighed, brushing off his words as you placed him on the bed.

"don't force yourself to love someone, toji. go to sleep, i'll look for megumi."

-

you were about to leave the house as you heard sobs coming from the house. and when you followed the sound, you were surprised to see megumi who tucked himself at a kitchen cabinet.

"mama!" he said as he embraced you.

"megumi, what are you doing inside the cabinet?"

"i'm hiding." he frowned as you wiped his tears.

"from who?" you said with a soft voice to calm him.

"mama.." megumi mumbled as his voice slightly cracked. "papa said you'll leave us."

"he said that?" you said as you kneeled into his level and he nods at your question. "he's lying." you said as megumi sighed in relief and embraced you once again.

"papa said you'll leave just like my real mama." megumi pulled away from the hug as he saw your surprised expression. "it's not true, right? mama."

your forced a smile as you pinched megumi's cheeks.

"of course, mama won't leave. never."

"toji, can you drive megumi to school today?" you muttered as you saw toji who was about to leave the room.

"what was that?" toji asked as he closed the door once again and approached you. you sit up from the bed and your vision started to spin.

"bring megumi to school." you said followed with a small cough.

"yeah sure." he hesitantly said.

"thanks." you mumbled as you lay back down on the bed.

"you okay?" toji asked as you felt him sit on the bed.

"i'm fine, must be a fever." you said but toji wasn't convinced and placed the back of his palm on your forehead to your neck and you were burning. toji was about to say something but he felt your cold hands on his.

"i'm fine, don't worry." you assured him with a smile as you let go of his hand and faced the other side. you were burning but your hands were too cold.

"i'll be back." toji said, immediately leaving the room as you heard the doorknob clicked.

-

toji was back after sending megumi to school. megumi insisted on seeing you before leaving but if he found out you're sick, toji knew megumi wouldn't want to go to school anymore. you weren't in the room when toji entered.

he started looking for you around the house and the kitchen was the last place he expected to see you. he sighed in relief when he saw you sleeping on the table with a glass of water in your right hand. toji's eybrows furrowed as he silently approached you. he can hear your soft snores as he went closer and closer.

"(name)?" he said in a whispered tone and you woke up within a second as you look around.

"oh?" was the only word you let out as you felt toji's hands on your shoulders. "i fell asleep."

"what are you doing here?" he said as you tried to stand up but you failed. you don't have the energy even to stand up.

"i got thirsty but i got tired before i even drink water." you said as you finally drink the glass of water.

"you should see a doctor." toji suggested.

"i'm finee." you said as you let toji guide you back to the room.

slowly, you sit from the bed as toji helped you to lay down. he placed a blanket above your body and went straight to the bathroom inside the room. he went back with a wet towel and a bucket of water as he started wiping your face with it.

"thank you." you whispered, even your throat was hurting. toji didn't respond as he continued on his task and after that, toji took another towel and placed it above your head.

"toji." you called as he stopped at the door he just opened.

'can you stay please?'

how badly you wanted to ask him to stay with you, but the dreams you had before started replaying in your mind. maybe you shouldn't. "it's nothing." you said as you pulled the blanket above your chin.

toji seemed to notice your distress as he silently closed the door and approached you again.

"i will be back. i'll just buy you food." he said as you covered your whole body with the blanket.

"okay." you said and you couldn't stop yourself from smiling.

do you have to be sick for toji to look out for you? maybe being sick is not that bad after all.

toji came back after five minutes, it's not that you're counting though, you were just bored.

"where did you go?" you asked as he sat on the edge of the bed.

"i'll just order, what do you want- i mean, you can't eat anything for now, let's just order a soup." toji looked at you as he heard you laugh at his words.

"there's no need, toji. it's not that hard to cook a soup." you said as you sit up from the bed, only for toji to push you back down on the bed as you let him place the blanket above you.

"don't be stubborn."

"toji, don't tell me you can't cook a soup." you said.

"it's not like that, okay? i just-" he paused for a moment before turning his back on you. "you seemed like you want a some company, that's why i am here." he said.

speechless, that's how you describe yourself now.

"is that so?" you said as you watch him scratch his head.

"i'll do this on my own way, okay?"

"okay. but let me, i know exactly where to order a good soup."

-

"this looks plain as hell." toji said as he opened the soup you ordered.

"but it's delicious, and why are you complaining?" you said as you raised your eyebrow at him. "i'm the one who's gonna eat it, not you!" you exclaimed as toji huffed in response.

toji started pouring the soup on a bowl before placing a chair beside the bed. and for a moment, you look at him and he looks at you.

"it's fine, i can do it myself." you said, trying to reach the bowl on his hand but he moved it slightly away from your reach. he hesitated for a moment before taking the spoon on his finger.

"ahh." he instructed.

"toji, this is embarrassing." you muttered as you move away from the spoon.

"how are you gonna get better if you're being stubborn?"

"just let me!!"

"tch, let me handle this." he said as you, again, tried to take the spoon from him but it was useless so you did what he said as he slowly placed the spoon with soup in your mouth.

it was quiet as toji continues to feed you, until it's the last spoon of the soup, you suddenly let out a cough as the soup dripped from the corner of your mouth and to the duvet.

"oh." you mumbled as toji reached out for the tissues. "sorry." you mumbled as you started to wipe the soup on the blanket and then the corner of your mouth. "we have to change blankets, i guess."

it was too sudden that you didn't have time to process everything when toji leaned close to you. you can feel his hot breath on your cheek as he pressed his lips on the corner of your lips, with him tasting the soup he just fed you.

you were sure you were losing your breath as he pulled away as if nothing happened.

"ah, sorry." he said as if he just didn't kiss you. he started to gather the paper bag of the soup earlier and took the blanket on your hands. "i'll get a new one." he said as he finally left the room.

-

why is he acting so normal when you're there sitting on the bed, trying to calm your speeding heart at the moments earlier.

you cursed under your breath as you hide your face with your palms.

why are you even embarrassed when kissing is normal to a married couple? it was normal but it was unusual for toji to act like that, you haven't even hold hands with him but a kiss? that's way more unexpected.

-

toji gently closed the door of the room as he leaned his weight on it.

"fuck." he muttered as he clutched the blanket on his hand.

seeing you wipe the soup on the blanket with that smile on your face urge toji to do that. he himself didn't expect it too. he cursed once again before proceeding to the task in hand.

-

you were startled when the door opens.

it was toji carrying a new blanket.

"i'll pick up megumi soon." he said.

"what about your work?"

"i took a day off." you hoped he did because you were sick. "you can't be left alone." he said as if he just read your mind.

"oh. thank you."

"not a problem. make sure to do the same when i got sick too." he joked, but it didn't fail to put a smile on your face.

"of course, i would love too! but i'm not saying that i want you to get sick!"

-

"mama!" you can hear megumi's voice from afar as he finally entered your room, throwing his lunchbox bag somewhere as he approached you.

"megumi, don't get to close." you said.

"mama! are you okay?"

"megumi, stop yelling." toji said as he entered the room, picking up megumi's lunchbox bag he threw minutes ago.

"you said mama is not sick!"

"megumi, don't yell at your papa." you said as megumi finally faced you, his face turning into a frown as he faced his father once again.

"i'm sorry, papa." he muttered.

toji was impressed that you could make megumi easily obey you. a thing he couldn't do when megumi was 3 years old.

"come on, change into your home clothes." toji said as he carried megumi like a sack of rice.

"i'll be back, mama!" he said before he and toji disappeared from your view and toji came back after a minute before closing the door with a sigh.

"come and rest." you said as you pat the empty space beside you.

toji sat beside you as the surroundings became quiet. he cleared his throat as he took the plushie megumi bought you and squeezed it.

"i'm sorry." he said.

"why?" you said, completely confused at the apology he just uttered.

"earlier. i didn't mean it."

oh.

"w-well, it's fine." you said as you conceal your stutter with a cough. "it's not like i'm complaining.."

"ha?"

"i mean- don't get the wrong idea!" you said, trying to find the right words. do you say it's okay, i liked it? or it's okay, i enjoyed it? "but.. did you regret it?" you asked, and the tension suddenly became heavy.

he was quiet and must be thinking about it.

"i did-" he paused, and that small pause sure made you nervous. "not?.." toji said in a questioning manner. you felt nervous and relieved at the same time.

"what about you?" he asked and you were more than confident at your answer.

"no. if i'm being honest, i really.. liked it." the last sentence were whispered.

"was that your first kiss?" he asked and you only hummed in response. it was true that toji was your first kiss, even if it was just a peck, his lips still touched yours.

you felt toji shift on the bed as he faced you.

"come closer." he said and you hesitated for a bit as you finally faced him and crawled a bit closer to him.

you were looking anywhere but his eyes as he tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear. and then he's leaning close again.

"tell me to stop and i will." he mumbled, forcing you to look in his dark blue eyes.

"toji, are you sure about this?" you mumbled as you clutched your pajamas under the blanket. "don't do something you'll regret, toji."

he cuts you off by finally kissing you and it wasn't just a peck like you expected it.

he continued and deepened the kiss, until you're laying on the bed and when he finally pulled away, his hands was between your head as you clutch his clothes on his shoulders.

"toji-"

"shh.. i do not regret any of it."

"i need to confine you for 15 days, so i could monitor you properly."

"but i am resting!"

"yes you are, but it's not enough. it's better if it's being observed that you're taking a rest."

"is there another way?" you said as you clutch your phone in your hand. "i actually don't know how to tell my husband." you said as choso looked at you.

"but i already called him. he said he's on his way here."

"huh, what do you mean?" you said, completely surprised that it made you stand up from the chair. "he doesn't even know that i am sick." you said. "choso, i told you to keep it a secret right?"

"i'm sorry, he accused us of having an affair. i needed to." and then there was a knock on the door, and you knew who exactly it is. toji entered the room and you look away from him.

"take a sit, mr. fushiguro." choso said as he instructed him to sit beside you. you weren't looking at him but you can feel toji's burning gaze at you. choso left the room for a moment and being alone with toji became suffocating right now.

you suddenly felt his hand above yours. you thought he would judge or even get mad at you but you but he didn't.

"we'll talk later, okay?" he said as choso finally came back.

-

"15 days? if that's enough. as long as you treat my wife." toji said. he's doing all the talking while you sit there in silence and.. he really did call you his wife.

toji thanked choso after that as he held your hand and pulled you with him. you gave choso a last glance, a glance as if he just betrayed you and he was looking at you with his apologetic gaze, and there, you and toji left the hospital.

"when did you found out?" you asked.

"a few weeks ago. i followed you." toji said as the signal lights turned red and there was a faint sound of music in the background. "why didn't you tell me?" he asked and you hesitated for a moment as you sit up straight on the front seat.

"choso said it wasn't that life threatening, that's why i thought i don't have to tell anyone." you were mumbling that toji almost didn't understand your words.

"not life threatening but now you need to be confined for 15 days?" toji said and you went silent. "do you not trust me?" he suddenly asked and you immediately disagreed at his words.

"no!" you said. "sorry, i just don't want to be a burden and.. i thought you wouldn't care." you said, whispering the last sentence as you wait for his response. and he didn't respond anymore, until both of you reached the house.

"toji, i'm really sorry." you said and he finally looked at you.

"we're in this together, why would you think i wouldn't care?" he asked and you frowned.

"i'm sorry toji. i just didn't have enough courage to tell you because.. it's because of your wife."

"my wife?" he scoffed, raising his eyebrow as you nod.

"i don't know how to tell you because all you could think of is your wife!" you were frantic as you explain, trying not to say the wrong words because it might trigger him in some way as your emotions get the best of you. "i thought you wouldn't care because i'm not her." you said as you look down on the ground, trying to hold the tears that was eager to come out.

"but i do care, this is not about her. this is about you."

"you don't understand it, toji." you said.

"then i apologize if i came of that way, that you thought i wouldn't care because all i think of is my wife." toji said, emphasizing the words with sarcasm. "but you're my wife too, my wife now." he said, the sarcasm dropping on his voice.

"but i'm not the presence you've been wanting for, i know my place, toji. you reminded me a lot of times already." you said.

when did talking about your illness turned into fighting over his deceased wife?

toji sighed at your response and you took a step back when he stepped forward.

"i'm sorry, i want to be alone for now." you mumbled as you went to your shared room.

you and him were fine just last night? what happened now? it was all because of your stubbornness. it was obvious that toji was worried and cares for you but you're pushing him away.

you couldn't help it, you aren't used at him caring for you. you're mistaking his kindness into something, that maybe he's saying all of it out of pity or guilt.

that's right, now you realized why toji was weird the past few weeks. it's because he already found out and he just didn't tell you.

-

toji forced the door open with a key and he saw you sitting at the edge of the bed. you didn't even notice him until he sat beside you.

"i'm sorry." you said at the same time.

"sorry, i involved her again." you said as you felt toji's hand at your back.

"i didn't know you felt that way." he said.

"it's okay. i know how hard it is to move on from someone." you said as you held his free hand. "this will be the last time, toji." you said.

"what do you mean?" he asked.

"i'm not dying." you said with a laugh. "what i mean is this will be the last time i'll involve her. i finally realized it, toji. that no matter what i do, i still couldn't do anything for you to love me the way i love you." toji was about to say something but you cut him off. "but it's fine! like you said, we're married only in papers. i think i'm getting it now."

he was silent and you felt his touch disappear on your back.

"i just want to sort everything out before i stay in the hospital for 15 days." you mumbled as you sighed deeply. "sooo, friends then?" you said, the same exact words he told you before you two got married by force. but you saying it hit something in him, it made his chest ache.

he felt your hand take his and shake it, as if both of you just had an agreement. you didn't even wait for his reply as you finally sit up from the bed and started packing some clothes you'll be needing and he could only watch.

-

"don't worry, it'll only be 15 days. mr. fushiguro can still visit everyday but only around 10 AM to 5 PM." choso said as he glanced at your way.

"choso, did you know there was a theory that being hospitalized will only worsen your state. what if that happens to me?" you said.

"that's a lie, you're here not to worsen your state but to heal you."

"but what if? you know, everything is unexpected."

"why'd you even ask?"

"i don't know. i guess i'm ready?" you said and choso was looking at you with his judging expression. "just kidding." you said as you laugh.

"think of the people who cares for you. be strong for them because they're waiting for you to come home." choso said and megumi was the only person you could think of.

"my son." you said with a smile.

"yes, megumi's waiting for you so stop with your negative thoughts."

"ok, i will."

-

"mama!" your mood shifted as you heard megumi and he finally entered the room.

he was on his school uniform as he approached you, his upper body leaning on the bed as he tried to reach for you. you leaned close to him as megumi's small hands held you by your cheeks.

"mama, why are you here?" he asked as he frowned.

"mama needs to stay here for now but don't worry."

"why?"

"megumi, don't ask too many questions." toji said.

"it's fine." you said.

toji was watching you and his son interact.

megumi was still mad at him but megumi just didn't show you. toji mentally slapped himself as he recalled the happenings yesterday.

it was megumi frantically looking for you around the house.

-

megumi was running around the house as he call for you.

"where's mama?" he asked toji as he pants.

"she'll be staying at the hospital for now." toji said.

"why? is mama sick?" megumi said as he approached his father who's ignoring his question. "papa!"

"megumi, you won't understand. and yes mama is sick. now stop asking."

"why is mama sick!" megumi yelled, asking questions, eager to know the answers.

"she needs her heart to be healed. there, now go to your room megumi, you have school tomorrow."

"heart?" megumi muttered as he forced himself on his father's sight as toji sighed. "it's all your fault!" megumi yelled and toji ignored him. "you always make mama cry! now her heart is sad because of you! you always get mad at mama when you come home drunk!"

"what did you say?" toji said as he held megumi by his shoulders.

"i hate you! i wish it's you in the hospital not mama!" megumi said before he could even realize his words as toji let go of megumi. toji sat back on the couch and megumi ran out of the living room.

megumi cried to his sleep as he craved for your presence.

-

megumi was laying on top of you as you lull him to sleep.

"say sorry to your papa later, okay?" you said as megumi sniffed before nodding.

toji went to buy foods outside as megumi told you everything he said last night.

"it's not your papa's fault why i am here. remember that."

"mama get home soon, okay?"

"of course." you said as you pinch his nose. "stop crying now."

after some minutes, toji finally came back as you and megumi ate the food he bought.

-

megumi sat at the back seat as he hug his knees.

"i'm sorry, papa." he mumbled. "mama told me what i said is bad. i'm sorry." toji kept quiet as he drives.

he carried megumi who fell asleep at the back seat to his room, giving him a kiss on the forehead before leaving.

toji thought megumi was right, that maybe it was better that it was him in the hospital and not you. he didn't want to lose anyone anymore and toji hoped that he isn't too late.

he was blaming himself.

he already considered himself as a curse, because if he started to love someone, something bad will happen to them. worst is they disappear from his life.

is it a right choice to finally love you?

maybe not.

first week of your stay in hospital wasn't that boring as you thought it would be.

toji would visit you at the starting hours and will bring megumi from school at the last hour, though megumi always sleep on top of you since he wanted to be close to you.

toji would sit there in silence as you hum megumi a lullaby he once heard his son humming while doing his assignments.

toji knew megumi were attached to you but he didn't knew he's that attached to the point that megumi always cry every night, looking for you and will end up sleeping beside toji occupying the space you usually lay at.

"mama, i counted and it's 8." megumi said as he sat on the hospital bed beside you.

"that's right, 7 days more and mama can go home."

"but 7 days is too long." megumi said as he frowned.

"it's not if you stop focusing on it."

"okay, i will not!" you and megumi laughed at the same time and he kneeled towards you as he started wiping your under eyes with his thumb.

"mama, are you sleeping enough?" megumi asked.

"i am. it's just so boring here when i'm alone." you said as megumi embraced you.

"don't worry, mama. i will pray so you can go back home."

"thank you, 'gumi."

"mama." megumi whispered after a minute of silence as you hummed in response.

"papa is not sleeping well." megumi said as he look around as if someone was there to listen but it was just you and him since toji left when someone called him.

"why?" you asked.

"papa misses you, mama."

"he does?" you said as megumi frantically nods.

"he said it to me!" megumi exclaimed excitedly.

-

megumi was sitting on the kitchen stool as he stared at the cereal on the table.

he hates cereal, he loves the food you cook for him but since you weren't around, he needed to eat it for now.

"stop crying megumi. she'll be back soon." toji said as he drink his black coffee.

megumi wiped his tears as he sniffed.

"i miss mama." megumi mumbled followed by another sniff and toji sighed as he sat beside his son.

"i miss mama too but don't worry, okay? let's have faith and be strong for her too."

"okay. but papa if mama is back you better not make her heart sad again." megumi said as he waited for his father's response and minutes passed, he noticed his father was spacing out. "papa?"

"oh?" toji snapped out of his thoughts as he smiled at megumi. "of course."

-

"bye bye mama." megumi said as he look away from you and you knew he was holding his tears back.

"come here." you said as he slowly approached you. "don't cry, you'll be back tomorrow, right?" megumi nods as he wiped his eyes with his sleeves. "bye bye." you said as you kissed his forehead before he went back beside toji as he held toji's hand.

you made an eye contact with toji "see you?" you said and he only nod in response.

why are you expecting something when you and toji already settled everything as friends.

toji looked at you for the last time before he and megumi left the room, leaving you alone again.

what are you even expecting? it's not like he would do something.

you just hope that he did something though. maybe a kiss on your forehead? or just a simple words of affirmation, but nevermind.

you sighed as you hug your knees, you should stop thinking about something that'll hurt your own feelings, you didn't want to worsen your state more, do you?

as if it was a coincidence, choso entered the room with papers in his hand.

"hi." you greeted as choso entered the room.

"how are you feeling?"

"nice, i guess?"

"good job, there's a lot of progress." he said.

"wow really?!" you said excitedly.

"yes, you don't have to stay for another 7 days. did your husband left already?"

"they just left."

"call them back so you could finally go home with them."

-

"mama, do you hate papa?" megumi suddenly asked as he looked up at you, both of you laying on the couch with book in your hand.

"why are you asking that question? of course i don't."

"really? but why do you and papa always fight?"

"we aren't fighting, megumi. that nights you saw him getting mad was because he wasn't in his right mind and he was drunk."

"oh, okay." megumi said as he lay down back on your chest as you started playing with his hair again.

"i love your papa so much, 'gumi. more than i love myself." you whispered as you smile.

-

toji is currently helping you with the laundry since he couldn't force you enough to take a rest.

"take a rest." toji said for the nth time as you wait for the laundry to finish.

"i'll just finish this." you said.

toji sighed, another attempt to force you failed and he could only wait for you.

he was getting impatient as he stand just at the door. he couldn't leave you alone, he's worried something might happen if he lose sight of you.

the same lullaby you're humming for megumi can be heard at the background as he watch you attentively.

but a sudden gasp left your mouth, your humming getting interrupted as you felt him hug you from behind.

"just take a rest." toji said.

"i'm almost finished." you said, an unexplainable feeling stirring in your system. it was as if you're uncomfortable at the physical touch he just initiated.

weren't you craving for his touch? now that he did it, why are you complaining?

"come on. i'll finish that. listen to your doctor, will you?" toji said as he held you by the wrist and pulled you going to the room.

"do you know what you'll do?"

"yeah, i do the laundry before." he said.

"okay, let me know if you're done."

-

you've met toji before, back when you were in middle school. maybe he doesn't remember you but you remember him.

that time when someone was making fun of you, he involved himself and protected you. it wasn't really a fight, it was just him pushing them away that made them run away from the scene.

"thank you." you mumbled and when he looked back at you, you noticed a band aid on the side of his mouth that was already red in color. he only looked at you as he walked away. but before he could get away, you held him by his hand. he made an irritated expression that scared you for a moment as you stutter through your words.

"i have a band aid here." you said as you look at each pocket of your clothes until you found it in your hoodie. toji was watching with an unimpressed look as he stand awkwardly. he hissed in pain when you removed the band aid from his lip and replaced it with a new one.

"there." you said. he didn't even thanked you as he left and when toji saw his reflection on a random store, the design of the band aid was really, embarrassing.. a hello kitty design.

-

you were at the middle of college when your parents told you to stop. they had arranged a marriage for you that you didn't even want. you didn't want to stop college, you wanted to be free but they wouldn't let you. when you met your soon to be husband, you thought he was familiar but couldn't place your finger with. you were sure that you saw this man somewhere, you just couldn't recall where.

the scar on the side of his mouth made you curious as you stare at it and it suddenly made toji self-conscious.

"ah this scar?" he said as your eyes shifted from his scar to his eyes. you were on your first 'date' with toji. the one both of your parents said to get to know each other more.

"i got this from abuse." he said straightforwardly as you laugh nervously.

"um.. did it hurt?" you asked.

"no." he said as he placed his hand near his scar and as if something slapped you mentally, toji's current position reminded you of someone. that kid from the playground, the one who defended you from the bullies, the one that you gave the band aid you just bought because you accidentally scraped your knee, but you gave it to him. toji noticed you genuinely smile at him followed with a wholehearted laugh.

"what's wrong?" he asked and you only shake your head in response.

what a coincidence. who would've thought that the kid you kept on searching for, the reason why you stayed at the playground for who knows how long, hoping to see him again was being married to you? what an unexpected turn of your life.

-

getting to know each other means getting to know everything in your life. personal or not. it was as if that 'date' made your heart full and ended up being broken in the end. toji was the kid you've been looking for, for a long time now but then he suddenly told you that he was already married and they had a son together.

he clarified that he only accepted the marriage because he didn't have a choice. he told you he just didn't want to disobey his parents and megumi just need a presence of a mother.

"being friends will do." he said as you hesitantly nod.

-

you didn't even know why you suddenly remembered the past.

"(name), where did you put-" the words died in toji's throat as he opens the door, only to find you standing at one of his drawers, a folder in your hand as you continue to stare at the paper.

the folder was immediately snatched at your hands as toji placed it back on his drawer.

"that's–" you gasped.

"no, listen–" toji mentally cursed himself. he forgot to throw the divorce papers he requested back when it's the first month of your relationship. he forgot to throw it when he was cleaning his drawers the day you were at the hospital

you looked at him, and he hated that look in your face as another curse left his mind. what should he say? how should he explain it.

"well, if that's what you want."

"no." toji said as he moved close to you but your instinct told you to step back and you did. "that was, that wasn't.." he was stuttering through his words as he heard you sigh.

your heart was aching but you have to ease the pain. you didn't want to go back to the hospital again.

"it's fine, toji. you don't have to explain." you said as you sit at the edge of the bed.

"that was before. first month of us being married." toji explained and the small shift of your mood got unnoticed by him.

"is that so?" you said, looking up at him. "maybe i did something you didn't like to ask for divorce papers, huh." you chuckled as you recalled the first month of your marriage. it was megumi finally addressing you as his mother.

toji admitted that day that he didn't want megumi calling you 'mama' but he didn't want to wipe the genuine smile on his son's face so he just let him call you his mother.

"i'm sorry." he said followed by a strong curse.

"why?"

"fuck, i'm sorry. i didn't- that was before. i don't want a divorce now." toji said and the ache in your chest suddenly disappeared as you gave him a teasing grin.

"why? don't tell me mr. fushiguro is finally starting to love me." you joked and it was clearly just a joke, but the tension suddenly changed. he wasn't laughing at your words but was looking straight in your eyes with something in it.

"i'm just joking.." you said as toji finally looked away from you. he couldn't stop cursing mentally. he was lost in his thoughts and didn't feel you moving close to him and when you were about to place a hand on his shoulder, to simply get his attention, he suddenly held you by the wrist.

"toji, what's wrong?" you asked. he started gripping your wrist tightly and both of you were interrupted by the knock on the door.

"papa! lala wants to talk to you on the telephone!" megumi yelled as you look at the door but when you look back at toji, he suddenly leaned close to you, giving your lips a peck, as if it was to reassure you and suddenly he was at the door.

you were frozen in your spot as you watch him close the door, your hand flying to your lips and caress it and instead of an ache, your heart was beating with happiness.

-

it was one of those nights where toji couldn't sleep again. it happens when something is bugging his mind. he was staring at the ceiling with a deadpanned expression and your shifting caught his attention. both of you were surprised when both met each other's eyes.

it suddenly became awkward.

toji sat up from the bed as he leaned his back on the headboard. you stayed at your position as you stare at the ceiling. there are questions that wanted to be answered, but you think staying quiet would be the best option for now.

toji side glanced your figure, and there were space enough for another person to fit. has it always been like this? now toji is sure that it has been always like this.

toji doesn't know what to do as he continuously stare at you until you finally look at him. (his gaze was burning holes into you.)

there, you sat up from the bed too, doing what he did as you cleared your throat to ease some of the awkwardness that was around.

"can't sleep?" he asked.

"yeah, what about you?"

"can't sleep." you chuckled at his response as you bend your knees close to your chest. why is it starting to get cold?

"about the divorce-"

"i already told you that it was before.. i have no intention in pushing the divorce."

"why?" you asked and toji thinks he doesn't even know why. you were itching to know the reason when toji could've pushed through the divorce long ago.

"why? don't tell me mr. fushiguro is finally starting to love me." you recalled those words you said last morning and to your side, it was clearly just a joke so you removed that as one of the reasons why.

"was it because you found out i was sick?"

"no." he felt embarrassed on how quick he disagreed with your question. "i mean-"

"hm, what could be the reason.." you mumbled as if you're talking to yourself and toji couldn't help but observe you.

"it's best if we sleep for now." toji said as you hummed in response and started tucking yourself at the duvet, facing the wall. you weren't even surprised when you felt him pull you close to his chest. it was as if you're expecting him to do that. and he really did and there, you faced him as you wrapped your arms around his figure with your face hiding on his chest. toji inhaled your shampoo as he sighed in satisfaction.

"will this help you to sleep?" you asked as you look up at him. toji looked down at you with that stupid smirk on his face.

"i could ask you the same question." he said as he chuckled when you went back to hide your face on his chest.

"it will." you whispered but toji surely heared it clearly.

"then that goes the same for me."

-

"mama loves to cuddle." megumi said as he looked at toji's plain expression. megumi copied his father's expression after looking away from him, continuing the assignment he was doing.

"that's all?" toji said as megumi scoffed at him.

"you asked me what mama likes the most!" megumi argued as he fully face his father. "that's the most, mama loves cuddles!"

"okay okay, stop yelling." toji said when he heard your footsteps approaching them.

"good morning, mama!" megumi greeted as he ran towards you to hug you.

"good morning, megumi." you said, looking at toji as you nod at him.

"morning." he said as megumi pulled you on the table at the living room, showing his little drawing to you and toji.

"what's that?" you asked as megumi smiled.

"this is mama," megumi said as he pointed at you. "this is papa and this is 'gumi."

oh. it was a family drawing. your heart started beating through your ears as you look at megumi.

"my teacher said our assignment is to draw a family!" megumi exclaimed excitedly as he faced you and toji.

family? could you even consider yourself as one of their family? megumi could've drawn his real mother, why did he have to-

your thoughts were interrupted when you felt a hand on your back. you looked back and saw toji looking at you, it was different, the way his eyes calmed you. you awkwardly smiled at him as he pulled you close to his side while placing his other hand on megumi's shoulder.

"what's this?" toji asked as he pointed at a drawing which is color white and black.

"it's my dream dog! i want white and black." megumi said. your heart was racing as you feel the warmth of toji's palm on your side.

"why is mama carrying a stick?" toji asked as megumi huffed.

"so she can beat you when you hurt her again." megumi said as you laugh, finally joining in their conversation.

"that's cruel, megumi. i couldn't hurt your papa." you didn't even feel when toji already removed his hand on your side as he watch you and megumi, a smile making its way on his face.

-

"there.." you said as you dropped the pencil at the table.

"wow!" megumi exclaimed as you revealed some changes in his drawing.

"what are you holding, mama?" megumi asked.

"roses, mama loves roses." you said as you pat megumi's head.

"oh okay! then 'gumi loves roses too." megumi said as he grinned at you.

"but there are many types of roses." you said as you fixed megumi's disheveled shirt.

"really? what's your favorite among them, mama? megumi asked.

"the purple one!" you said as megumi nods at you.

"why not red, mama? red is famous one right?"

"yes, but i love purple more. because it means love at first sight." you said as you bump megumi's nose with your pointer finger.

you watch him look to the side as you follow his line of sight. he was looking at his father. you forgot that toji was even there as you look away with embarrassment. clearing his throat, toji stood up from the couch as he brushed his hair with his fingers.

"i'm gonna prepare for work." he said before leaving as megumi watch his father disappeared from his sight.

"mama, is papa your love at first sight?" megumi asked when his father wasn't around anymore. you smiled as you recalled the very first day you laid your eyes on him.

"he is." you said with admiration in your tone. "did you know i met your papa when he was a kid?" you said.

"really? what's he like?!" megumi asked with excitement as he leaned close to you.

"hm, he's still the same.. but he saved me from bullies." you said as megumi kept quiet, wanting to know more. "i scraped my knee but i gave my band aid to him because his lips were bleeding."

"is that why papa have a scar?"

"i guess?" you said as you ruffled megumi's hair. "it's just a secret between us, okay?" you whispered as megumi nods at you.

unbeknownst to you, he heard everything you told megumi as he recalled that day where he first got the scar on his lip, that hello kitty band aid. so it was you, huh.

-

toji left after eating breakfast and it was past lunch when you heard a knock on your front door.

but you weren't expecting visitors, who could it be?

you were surprised when you're met with, no one. but there was a bouquet of purple roses on your doorsteps.

you picked it up as you read the note.

'this is for you, i hope you like it.'

you bit your bottom lip to suppress the smile but it couldn't be helped.

you inhaled the scent of the roses as you finally went inside the house.

-

"thank you for the roses, toji." night finally approached as toji looked up from his laptop and to you.

"what roses?" he asked as you look at him in disbelief.

"that- you, weren't you the one-" toji suddenly laughed as he closed his laptop.

"i'm just kidding." he said as you glared at him.

"not funny!" you said, almost embarrassed when you stammered with your words just a minute ago.

"did you like it?" toji asked as he started preparing the duvet.

as if it was already planned, you move close to him as he finally covered both of your bodies with the duvet. "i love it."

toji's arms automatically made its way to wrap securely around you.

"how's your check up with choso?" toji asked as he switched off the lamp.

"he recommended me another medicine."

"huh? why? i thought you're getting better?" toji asked as you silently laugh at him.

"yes i am, it was just a vitamin, i mean."

"ah, is that so?"

"mhm."

"sleepy already?" toji asked in a teasing tone and you only further hide your face on his chest. "goodnight." he mumbled.

"i love you, toji." you mumbled against his chest. "you can say it back when you're ready." you said as you look up at him and toji lightly smiled at you.

"i'm almost there.." he mumbled.

"i can still wait.." you said as you looked at him with glint in your eyes. toji let you kiss him on the lips before you went back on hiding your face. he chuckled as he pulled you closer with his hand behind your head.

it was a random night, a random song that was being played on the radio can be heard as you sit down on the couch of the living room. the lights were all closed, the street light outside being the only source of light inside your home.

toji wasn't home yet and megumi is already sleeping in his room.

your head almost fell on the couch when the click of the door woke you up.

toji sighed as he closed the door.

"i'm home." he muttered, but didn't expect to see you approaching him in the dark.

"welcome back." you greeted as you took his bag on his hand, guiding him on the living room.

"have you eaten?" you asked.

"ye-"

"let's eat together, i'm hungry!" you exclaimed as you held him by his hand, guiding him to the kitchen. well maybe eating dinner for the second time wouldn't hurt. toji thought.

"megumi?" he asked.

"already sleeping." you replied with an almost sleepy voice as toji sighed.

"you didn't have to wait for me." he said as he stand beside your almost sleeping form. "let's get you to bed." toji said and carried you in a bridal style.

"toji.. let's sleep." you said as he unbuttoned his almost tight polo.

"yeah, i'll just changed my clothes."

"hurryy."

"did you drink?" toji asked as he lied beside you.

"no."

"why are you being clingy?" he asked.

"miss you." you mumbled, wrapping your arms on his figure. "did you miss me?" you asked and toji couldn't help but smell you.

you didn't even smell like alcohol.

"i'm not drunk, i'm just sleepy." you said as if you just read his mind.

"alright."

"you didn't answer me yet."

"i did." he said as you squealed in happiness.

"okay, good night. i love you." you mumbled.

toji gaze softened as he pulled you close to his chest.

"good night." i love you too.

-

it was late at night again and toji was still not home. megumi was sent back home by a school bus last afternoon.

you haven't eaten yet. you were waiting for toji so both of you could eat dinner at the same time again and the door clicked as you stood up from the couch.

"i'm home." toji mumbled.

"welcome back!" you exclaimed.

if yesterday you were sleepy, today you have a lot of energy. you took the bag from toji's hand as you walked ahead, only to be pulled back when toji held your wrist, placing a kiss on your forehead as he loosened his tie.

it sure caught you off guard as toji walked past you as if nothing happened.

"well, have you eaten?" you asked, almost stuttering.

"yes." he responded and you mentally frowned.

"okayy." you said as you help him remove his blazer.

"what about you?" he asked, but before you could answer, your stomach growling did it for you. embarrassing.

"well, i guess eating dinner for the second time wouldn't hurt, right?" he said.

-

"hi, welcome back.." you slowly said as you took toji's bag in your hand.

"i'm home." he muttered, walking past you but suddenly he went back and give your forehead a kiss before removing his watch.

"bad day?" you asked, helping him remove his blazer.

"yeah, i think i couldn't eat dinner with you tonight." he said with a frown.

"it's fine! you go and rest." you said, giving him a smile of reassurance.

toji frowned once again when you made your way to the kitchen. you were humming a song but you were stopped when you saw toji sitting at his usual spot. you blinked twice at him as he sighed.

"well, i got hungry." he said, not looking at your way.

"okay! i'll re-heat some more then." you exclaimed with a smile and toji couldn't help but mirror it.

"thank you for the food."

-

another bad day.

you noticed it the moment toji entered the house with a slumped shoulders.

"welcome back." you greeted, doing the same routine.

"i'm home." he responded, hooking an arm around you before placing a kiss on your.. lips? "what's dinner for today?" he asked as he started unbuttoning his polo. "(name)? what's wrong?" he asked.

"w-well, i made your favorite." you stammered as you made your way infront of him, helping him remove his blazer.

toji made his way first at the kitchen, taking a mug from the cabinet and it caught your attention.

"coffee?" you asked as he nods and suddenly, you placed a hand on his back.

"take a seat. i'll make you one." you said.

"i can do it myself."

"just let me take care of this, okay? you're tired from work." you said, turning on your back to make him a black coffee when you suddenly felt his weight behind you.

"thank you." he mumbled before going back to sit and it made you proud of yourself.

-

"welcom-" you were cut off when toji harshly kissed you, his hand flying at the back of your head as he pushed you, until your body collided with a wall. "toji-" you mumbled through his kisses as you pat his shoulder. "can't breathe!" you said as he finally pulled away, with him leaning his forehead on yours as both of you catch your breaths.

"bad day again?" you asked but he only clicked his tongue, continuing his task on you, the food you made being forgotten as he carried you and made his way on the bedroom, and also not forgetting to lock the door.

-

thank goodness it was saturday today.

your whole body was aching and toji was out of sight as you sat up from the bed.

"mama?" megumi's voice can be heard at the door as he knocked three times before opening, only to see you on the ground. "mama!" megumi exclaimed as he approached you. "papa help!" megumi yelled as he struggled to help you stand up.

"megumi look out for the food in the kitchen." toji said as megumi followed what he was instructed.

"it hurts." you said as toji easily carried you, placing you back on the bed.

"guess i went rough last night." he mocked.

"shut up!"

-

"i'm home." toji said as he entered the house. you smiled as you approached him.

"not a bad day anymore?" you joked as he laughed, hooking a hand around you as he placed a kiss on your lips. you were used to it now.

"yeah." he replied as both of you did the usual routine.

after the dinner, you were quiet. it was unusual for you to be silent.

"toji-"

"what's wrong?" he asked, cutting you off. the night you both shared was 2 weeks ago, you were supposed to have your period 2 days ago but none came.

"i'm late." you said, starting to get stressed. "i'm scared, what if i ended up being pregnant-"

"then that's good. megumi will have a playmate. is it not?"

"but-"

"it's okay." he said, taking your hand on his and you were surprised when he removed the wedding ring on your finger, placing a new one. "wear this from now on." he said, placing a new ring with a rare design on it.

"thank you.. i love it but, why?"

"i want to get married again." he said, looking straight in your eyes.

"but we're already married." you said as you frowned.

"but for real this time." he said with a smile. "you know, before, i wasn't-" he paused, he couldn't say it but you already understood what he was saying.

"i understand." you said as you laughed.

"will you marry me again?" he asked and you couldn't contain the big smile that was on your face.

"i would love too!" you said as you embraced him, with him spinning you around.

"i love you (name).. thank you for staying with me and megumi. thank you for not giving up on us.. on me." he said and you couldn't help but tear up.

finally. it's finally happening.

"i love you too." you responded with a shaky voice as he wiped your tears with his thumb before finally connecting his lips with yours.

it was worth all the wait.

devoted f.toji

pairings: fushiguro toji x fem! reader

cw: angst, divorce, mentions of bullying, death, mentions of abuse, starvation, bruises (megumi got into a fight), timeskip, not proofread

a/n: an alternative angst ending. enjoy :)

would everything be different if toji did not sign the divorce papers 7 years ago? everything would but everyone knew that it was already too late for that.

happy ending | alternate angst ending

"i'm back, my love." toji muttered as he wiped his hand on a certain graveyard showing a certain name as he placed white roses above it. today marked the death anniversary of toji's wife, megumi's mother. he didn't brought megumi with him though. he went alone.

"megumi's turning 6." he mumbled as if someone was around to listen to him. "i couldn't do it alone. before. i-" toji paused, gathering the courage to spill out the words he didn't want to utter. "i almost sold megumi.." he said as he sucked in a breath.

"i'm sorry i couldn't visit you for the past weeks." toji caressed the name with his thumb. he recalled the day he didn't leave the grave, even if it rained, he stayed there.

"i miss you." toji muttered. "so much." he added. "i don't know if i am doing things right." doing things right? but what exactly?

"i couldn't stop thinking of you in her." he mumbled as he balled his fist. "ahh, i'm so stupid."

toji leaned his back on the tombstone as he looked at the grass.

would you forgive him if he said the truth? that up until now, he still couldn't move on with his deceased wife.

he didn't even noticed the time as toji stood up from the ground, the sky turning dark when he came home.

-

"where have you been, toji?" you worriedly asked as you approached him but he stopped you by your shoulders. "i'm sorry about what i said last night." you said as you lowered your head. "i didn't mean to involve her again."

"can we talk about something?" he asked, dismissing your apologies as he looked at you.

"uh, sure?" you asked, chills running down your spine at the unfamiliar tone of his voice. it was— sad?

he sat from the couch as you followed.

"(name). you know that i love you right?" he said and you couldn't help but be nervous as you weakly nod. he loves you? you didn't know. "forgive me, (name)." he said as he intertwined his hands together. "because after all this time, i realized that—" he paused as he looked at you. and he just hoped he didn't. "i still couldn't move on." he mumbled, enough for you to hear it.

you gulped the lump in your throat as you sat beside him, placing a comforting hand on his back.

"it's okay and— i know." you said as you forced a smile.

"i'll let you go if you want." he said, but do you really want to?

"mh, maybe it's for the best, right?" you said as hummed.

"i'm sorry."

"don't be." you said as you stood up from the couch. "it'll be fine." if it is for your happiness. then it'll be. "well, i guess we'll push through the divorce?" you said.

it was a harsh decision. you both knew that, but maybe it was really for the best.

"you can come visit megumi. i'm sure he'll be glad to see you." he said as he smiled lightly.

"that would be good." you said, returning his smile.

-

was it really the right choice?

toji was vulnerable that night he came home. he didn't know if he really did made the right choice. now he had to deal with megumi's tantrums as they watch you leave.

"mama!" megumi cried as toji held him by his shoulders, restraining him from following you as you walked out of your home.

"mama will visit, 'gumi." you said as you waved him a goodbye.

"mama, don't leave please!" megumi yelled, trying to remove his father grip but it was useless. "mama!" he cried.

was it a coincidence that it started to rain heavily too? maybe the universe was crying with you.

megumi was already turning 13, but ever since you left, not a single day you payed him a visit. he barely remember your face, your voice as you lull him to sleep, you cookings. he missed it. he had to learn cooking at a very young age because you weren't around anymore.

at his age, he finally understood what happened to his father and his step-mother. it was a marriage where there was no love in it.

he was fooled by the people he loved the most.

megumi became distant to his father, and he believes you were a liar for promising that you'll visit him. he waited, and waited until he couldn't anymore.

everyone lied to him. his father did, you did and he thinks he couldn't just forgive you, not until you'll show yourself again.

-

toji was restless on their living room. megumi is still wasn't home. it was around 9pm in the clock when he heard a knock on the door, and once he opened it, instead of seeing his grumpy son, he was met with.. your youngest sister.

"toji zenin?" she asked as toji frowned.

"toji fushiguro." he corrected.

"well that's still the same. can i go inside?" she asked and toji hesitantly let her inside.

-

"here." your sister said, handing him a paper bag.

"what's this?" toji's asked with a raised eyebrow as he took the paper on his hand.

"my sister's belongings. you can keep it."

"why?"

"she wanted your son to have it. she said it's a gift from the birthdays she missed."

"why don't she give it herself?"

"could a dead person do that?" sarcasm was evident on your sisters voice when she said those words. "she—" your sister paused as she cleared her throat. "—died of heart failure." she continued.

he doesn't know what to say, not when your sister was on the verge of tears but she concealed it with a heavy sigh.

after several minutes, your sister took toji silence as the sign to go out but before she could leave the house she faced him again.

"i hope my sister's been good to your family." she said with now a sad tone, only to be met with a younger version of toji who was frozen at the door, band aids decorating his bruised face. she bowed at megumi and walked past him.

-

megumi took out all of the things inside the paper bag. there was a book with a dried purple rose in it, a polaroid, a picture frame of you and him when he was still in elementary and a two knitted scarfs with his and toji's name embroidered on it.

megumi failed to notice a certain birthday card on it. not until it flew down on the ground.

'happy birthday my 'gumi.'

it said on the front page.

"happy birthday megumi! i'm sorry i missed a lot of your birthdays. knowing you, you hate mama now, don't you? i'm sorry i couldn't keep my promise to visit. mama's been busy with a lot lot of things but don't worry, mama will visit you as soon as she can! i love you my baby."

love,

mama <3

-

toji heared loud footsteps from the stairs as he caught the scarf megumi just threw at him before it could hit his face.

"are you happy now?" megumi said as he clutched the dark blue knitted scarf on his hand, identical to ones he threw at his father a minute ago. "mama's dead now!" megumi exclaimed.

"this is all your fault." megumi said, his voice breaking as he clutched the scarf close to his chest. "if only.. if only you stopped mama from leaving."

and toji could only stay quiet, taking his son's anger all by himself.

-

"abused, isolated and was left starved. they didn't feed her for days until her body gave up." the police said.

"i thought she died from heart failure?"

"no. they kept her death a secret and it's been 2 years since mr. fushiguro, how did you found out about this case?"

"(name)'s my ex-wife. i only found out when her sister visited."

"i see. well that's understandable knowing that her death was kept from the public. but worry not, her parents was already in jail. that's the only information i could give you, mister."

-

"what did you want to talk about?" your sister said as she leaned her back on a wall.

"you lied, you said she died from a heart failure."

"that's what she wanted me to tell you." she sighed, placing her hands inside her pocket. both was quiet, none wanted to start speaking but both has a lot to say.

"i was very close to my sister and it hurts me to see her defend you from our parents." she said as she continues. "she suddenly came home saying that you wanted a divorce and our parents got mad. she was treated like a maid in our home. i couldn't do anything. i wanted to help her but she didn't want me to be in danger."

"my parents were furious because your family removed all of the connections they had together with my family and they blame my sister for it. did you found out?" your sister asked.

"found out what?"

"the only reason my parents asked your family to marry my sister was because of your company's money." toji kept quiet and your sister took this as the chance to continue. "my sister didn't want it but suddenly, she told me she was excited for the marriage. she told me that you were the boy she was looking for." she smiled as she recalled that day. "i don't think my sister agreed to marry you because of your company's money. my sister genuinely loved you, mr. zenin."

that was your parent's plan all along? he didn't even knew it because he thinks your sister was right, you really did loved him genuinely.

"i don't blame you for it, mr. zenin. but i just hoped that you didn't let my sister go home that night. maybe her fate would be different, maybe.. she's still alive until now. i didn't even know she was suffering from a heart disease." she said, muttering the last sentence as she chuckled bitterly.

"why didn't she reach out at me?" toji said, mainly asking himself.

"that's what i told her but my sister doesn't want to force herself to someone who threw her away." that sure hit a vein on his heart because in reality, he did threw you away.

"where was she buried?" toji asked.

"you wouldn't find it. she was cremated and i don't know where my parents took her ashes. maybe they even threw it somewhere."

-

toji went home with an aching body as he fell down on the couch.

your parents was already sent at the jail 3 months ago already. your sister was brave enough to tell the police after 2 years of your death.

he didn't know how many hours has it been as he went to his room, walking past his son's room but his instinct tells that something was wrong so he went to open the door of megumi's room, only to see shattered glasses everywhere, his study table and chair was destroyed, his computer also, as he find his son laying on the bed, with a scarf around him. the scarf you made him.

"megumi." toji called as he slightly shake his son and megumi jolted awake as he pushed his father.

"what are you doing here?" megumi rasped. "leave." he said, pointing at the door.

"i got a call from your school. you were bullying someone. is that true?"

"why does it matter to you?"

"megumi—"

"dad, i said leave."

"i'm sorry, son." toji said as he placed his palm on megumi's head, only for megumi to push it away. "papa— dad will take all the blame."

"you should." megumi said but his voice betrayed him. "i hate you."

"i know, i hate myself too." toji said as megumi looked up at him. "i regret everything 'gumi."

"stop calling me that, i'm not a kid anymore."

"yeah, sorry." toji said as he stood up from megumi's bed as he made his way at the door of his room.

" 'say sorry to your papa.' that's what would mama tell me if she's here right now." megumi said.

toji sighed as he finally opened the door.

"i'm sorry. i was just mad. i'm sorry, i didn't mean it. i don't blame you." megumi said but toji was already outside of his room as he closed the door.

he didn't deserve his son's apologies, he even deserved to be blamed because in the first place, all of this could've been prevented if he did not signed the divorce 7 years ago.

"what should i do, (name)?" he asked as if you were around as he fall on the ground as he leaned on the wall.

what should he do to make his son trust him again, he wanted to have the closure he had with his son when you were still living with them.

toji doesn't know what to do at this point, and instead of thinking about his first wife, he just hoped that you were beside him right now, telling him the things he should and shouldn't so megumi wouldn't hate him like how it was now.

he just hoped that you were beside him..

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