Megumi Angst - Tumblr Posts

Something in The Rain

Pairing: Megumi Fushiguro x Fem Reader

Genre: Angst with a Fluff ending

Warnings: just a speck of violence

Word Count: 1178

a/n: this is the first ever fic I’ve written in tumblr for @katsukidotcom ‘s Lovers Lane Collab. So thank you for this opportunity and feedback is appretiated. I hope y’all are safe and are drinking enought water. Stay healthy and ily<3

Raining pouring down the roof, winds blowing in different directions, the sweet smell of soil filling up your nostrils, a cup of coffee on the table beside you. You were reading a book humming to the music of your taste. The book that you were reading reminded you of your husband Megumi , who had been with you through your ups and downs. He made you smile like an idiot all the time. You fell in love with him even for the bare minimum thing he did. He was something which you were your true self around him. A person who was gifted from the gods if you get to know him better. A tear was shed from your eye as you were reading your book. What could've happened that made you so heartbroken towards a person you loved the most in your life. 

[Flashback]

  It all started when you were put in a very unexpected situation in your life. To love a person who was as cold as ice was assumed as a challenge but this was nothing when it came to you. You were a University scholar who had this kind, cheerful, bubbly, clingy essence, making people happy and spread warmth around you. Not until your parents thought of getting you married. You were pretty helpless to the point where you couldn't fight back for yourself because all this would go in vain no matter what you did. You believed in love at first sight and that's what happened when you saw Megumi, You felt euphoric high at his sight. Something about him made you feel you were in love with him. His dark raven hair complimenting his face, his sharp eyes which were intimidating made you drown into them. His physique made him look as if he was straight from the Greek world. You had never seen a person like him in your entire life. His father spoke up “My son has  been doing good at his business, setting up his empire, he'll take care of your daughter so, please don't worry about it.” You didn't dare to look up to him but spared some glances towards him. You could already see that he was being compelled and wasn't interested in this alliance. Megumi's and your parents got you married in a week or so. Since then, Megumi was reserved to himself and rarely spoke to you whereas you were truly filled with energy and wanted the best for your husband. You prepared him his lunch and he barely even said thank you or kissed you on your forehead. He returned home and coldly refused to eat his dinner. You didn't mind it because you kept thinking that his nature. You were blindfolded with love and he had that effect on you. He did get short-tempered at times but you didn't mind that anger until one day he came back home, feeling exhausted due to work. “Welcome home! How was your day? Did you have your lunch? I hope you had it cuz I don't wanna see you eat something unhealthy?” He went to the couch and plopped himself feeling exhausted to hell that he barely kept up with your rantings. He had been listening to these since he got tied up with you. “Oh no, I know you are exhausted but please go freshen up until that I'll be setting-” “Can you shut your damn mouth for a while Y/N? You have been screaming since I've entered the home. Don't you have other work other than bothering me? When will you stop being clingy towards me huh? Do I look like a joke to you?” You were taken aback but before you could speak up he threw a vase which was kept by his side. He moved towards you making you step back at his furious self. “You are here enjoying the comfort of living while I work my ass off going to the company? Is this all you can do?” He ran his fingers through his hair just to see you screaming “P-please don't hurt me……. It was never my intention to act c-clingy around you. I j-just thought t-that I did my best being a good partner who would h-help you. I was fru-frustrated with this behaviour of yours but still did not pay attention to it cuz I was madly IN LOVE with you. It was so dumb of me to assume that you would love me back. I was j-just trying to help you but you just ignored me like I was just an additional piece in this house………the way I wanted you to share your feelings and frustrations with me so that I can help you over come i-it………..we never really sat down and tried to talk to eachother thinking that we were compelled in this.” He wides his eyes at the sight in front of him. Guilt rushed through his veins. Never in his life, he thought he would raise his hands on his wife. The other half of his life who was practically begging in front of him. “Y/N I did-” “P-please lea-ave me a-alone, take this wedding ring with you and give it to someone who is really deserves your l-love. I will still love y-you.” Before Megumi could approach you, you ran to your bedroom shutting your door and packing up to leave the house. Meanwhile Megumi really really felt guilty about he treated you.

He never expected you to love him. He had confined his feeling to himself not knowing what love is. He did feel the same when you were around him. He felt utmost comfort and peace once he reached home. He always saw you waiting for him each and every day. This thought made him feel at ease that at least he has someone who cares about him. He ran towards your bedroom and practically attempted to break the door. His thoughts were running wild to why you had locked yourself up. Never in his life he had been frightened. He was scared to lose you. He had no one but to be with you. You on the other hand had packed up and were sitting at the floor, all curled up, bawling at the incident that happened a few minutes ago. You heard someone banging the door inhumanely. Fear ran down your body thinking what might happen if you didn’t open the door. You stood up shaking, wiped your tears and approached to open the door. As soon as you opened the door you saw Megumi begging in front of you. “Can you please listen to me once? I’m so sorry for what I-.” You stood up to yourself, wiping your tears making sure you don’t feel weaker. “That’s it? Do you think that after all, I did to you, you just will return to say “I’m sorry” if sorry was that easy to be accepted, there wouldn’t have been a single person on the streets crying for it. Apologies are something when you have done something unintended but in your case, you literally Treated me as nothing to you besides a maid that takes care of your home until you return. I know your side of the story and I know how frustrating it is but didn't think that I was here very eager to listen to you every time you came home? All I wanted from you is the same love and nothing else. I didn't take the vows that day just to be treated like this. Do you think I had it lenient the way you make it sound? You know I felt so awful every time you ignored me. The way you ignored me thinking that I would be a distraction. I was so in love with you not knowing that it would hurt me later.” At this rate, Megumi didn't want you to leave him “I know and I just don't have words to tell you how much I love you. I know my anger took the best of me and had to see this side of me. It was never my intention to hurt you. I just distanced myself from you thinking that you never loved me back for this. Please forgive me.” Tears streamed down his face. His breath because unsteady because of all the bawling. “I don't know Megumi…….after seeing you today, I feel like I  need a break from all the ruckus that happened a while ago. I just can’t live under the same roof as you knowing that you don't treat me good. I think it's best for both of us to stay apart for a while. I’ll have to think about your apology with a cool head. You are a good person and I know that but please take those additional, unwanted personalities of yours out. For now please let me go to where I can be happy for a while, only then I'll reconsider this relationship. Please take care of yourself while I'm away, as I said before I still love you.” You passed through the door and soon the gate leaving Megumi behind. After all this Megumi had decided to always treat you right because it's his duty and he realised your love for him.

[Flashback End]

Days and weeks passed by, you were living in your apartment where you lived before getting married to Megumi. You were not able to sleep for days thinking if he is taking care of himself. He did text you every day, his messages were always calming, making you fall in love with him every day. You had many sleepless nights thinking about him. You were restless to meet him again. You had forgiven him and gave time to rectify his mistakes and the fact that he was trying through texts made you smile to yourself that he is changing. On the other hand, Megumi was truly in love with you. He admits that he wanted your love. He wanted to be by your side no matter how big the situation was. He wanted to be in your arms after a hectic day and share everything with you. He wanted someone who could understand him as well. He knew he did act like a moron but he decided to change for good. One day he texted you if it was okay to visit your apartment. It didn't take a second for you to reply “Yes” since you missed him a lot. This thought of seeing him for the first time in weeks made your heart beat faster than ever. You wiped your tears and looked up at the sky. The rain was pouring down gracefully from the dark mists which covered the whole sky. You kept your book at the table and went towards the rain. The winds were chilly and you rubbed your arm feeling the raindrops on your skin. You were completely drenched in rain by now. You closed your eyes enjoying the downpour. Oh, you wished Megumi to be by your side enjoying this rain. You started tearing up at how lonely you felt. It was like your other half went missing and you were desperate to find it. You started bawling in the rain before you could fall on the ground, someone grabbed you from behind forming a ring around your waist crying out loud. You looked up and saw Megumi who had seen you whimper thinking about the past. Your eyes met and he could see your red eyes indicating you wept. You thought this was an illusion. He hugged you ever so tightly not wanting to leave you. “How are you? I missed you so much, thank you for being patient with this, I do miss my other half who I love more than anything and wanted the best for him. Oh God,  please let me see his face. This loneliness is killing me, did you sent his incarnation. I'm so thankful for it.” You were not in your senses as Megumi kept listening to your rantings. He started tearing up thinking that your love for him didn't wither yet.  “Oh, how lucky I am to have you in my life Y/N. I know I acted like a jerk all the time and I don't deserve-” You came back to your senses and found Megumi hugging like you would leave him again. It broke your heart as well thinking about how he was all by himself after you left him. You cut off his words asking “Please you deserve everything, you deserved to be loved. Past is past and I'm glad that you had learned your lesson.” He shakily looked up again at your eyes. He caressed your cheek missing the sight for weeks. “Can I kiss you-” “Ye-” it didn't take a second for him to crash his lips onto yours. The kiss was desperate, expressing every feeling that you had while you both were apart. The way your lips fit perfectly with each other as they were meant to be since the beginning. You are both drenched in rain, tears streaming down both of you. The pain that you both had for each other started to fade away along with the rain. You both felt complete. You both pulled out and Megumi buried in the crook of your neck, hugging and inhaling your scent which he missed a lot. He started giving neck kisses along your neck making you close your eyes feeling butterflies in your stomach.

This feeling was truly indescribable. He missed you a lot to the fact that you saw him crying while he kept kissing you. You tilted your head to give him more access to your neck since it had been a long time. “I’m sorry but I missed you. It had been ages since I saw you and you became more beautiful since I last saw you. I came here to return this ring to you because no one but you is a rightful owner of it.” “I’ll be more than happy to accept it and giving you another chance and welcome you again in my heart because I one can but you are the rightful owner of my heart, please take care of it.” Your words made him smile through the tears  “I’ll be honoured to.”  He again kissed you with the same passion reminding you about how much he loves you. You grabbed his hair giving in the kiss for the second time, the rhythm of the rain and your lips dancing made you both feel at ease again. You both soon pulled out breathing heavily and connected your foreheads, this time Megumi whispered “I’m not leaving you, not this time.” You both danced in the rain and the mist above you was watching the reunion of soulmates. The downpour which was sent was healing the pain that you had suffered through. The sun shined among the rain signifying a new start. Like this, you were happy to begin a new journey in your life.

I love the moon because it resembles you

Fushiguro Megumi x jujutsu student!reader

Synopsis: reader comforts Megumi after Shibuya arc and the culling game

Warnings: manga spoilers❗Angst to fluff 💫 I might have some grammatical mistakes because english isn't my first language

The moon looks unusual tonight. I sometimes wonder if it's on our side or a cursed spirit's work. What if the moon was formed by hatred and doesn't stand for anything we think about when looking at it? I miss the moon when it's away and want the stars to comb my hair and reassure me that the world's okay...even though deep down I acknowledge that it isn't.

Nothing will ever be the same after that halloween night in Shibuya. We've lost so much and even a part of ourselves. Sensei is sealed, Nanami is dead just like Naobito Zen'in. Itadori is on the run, Yuuta- san is searching for him and Inumaki-senpai is down bad...let's not mention Nobara now.

Oh Gumi I miss you so much. You're trying to survive and have so much on your shoulders. You're the leader of your clan which I know you despise. You've lost your one and only father figure and your friends are scattered around the universe. I am sitting next to you but cannot say a word. You look so peaceful but you're not who I knew before. The same hand is wrapped around my waist and the same head with spiky hair is resting on mine but you look at the world with different eyes and talk to us as if you let us down. I wouldn't change a thing about you. Tonight it's just you, me and the moon.

"Say it.", he murmurs while closing his eyes and takes a deep breath. What a fool am I to think that he doesn't know me better than I know myself? We sat on a staircase so close to one another that I could hear his heart beat and breath tickling my ears.

"I was just thinking how we got here. I know you don't enjoy hearing it but I worry about you a lot Gumi. You carry the biggest burden and try to save everyone. You're a good person Gumi, better then most but you need to stop limiting yourself by thinking that you're not. I love you a lot and I cannot stand seeing you look at the moon like that because you don't want to burden me with your talk."

I know that he wants the truth. That's why I didn't hesitate to tell him everything I thought of. Megumi is hiding and succeeds in letting others think that he's an emo guy with no perception of any feeling. But that's no who he is. He saved Itadori, he saved people at Shibuya and still he thinks that it's not enough.

"Tsumiki is still not safe. I will not rest until the game is set and done. I need to find Itadori and get her out -"

That's when I turned around and held his cheeks, caressing them with my fingertips.

"Not without me. You're not getting rid of me that easily Mr. Grumpy."

" I'll agree to that- ow, don't hit me"

The sound of giggles filled the air. Seeing him smile took everything in me not to kiss him.

He was my idiot, hot-headed loverboy.He was the one that assembled his shikigamis when we were lost. The one getting injured for me not to get hurt. He was the one who got shy after asking me out and needed the help of Nobara and Yuuji to prepare everything cause he didn't have a clue how love works out

" We will make it and then we'll leave this place. I promise you that. I don't want to think about the end or how it will end. I'm not the most optimistic person in the world. But whatever it is we'll get through it together. I will hold your hand and you'll hold mine, right?"

To hear such words from him was unusual. His blue eyes correlated with the moon and a beautiful shade appeared before me. I wanted to talk to him about the moon but it was late and I didn't want to ruin the moment. I hummed to him and hugged him tightly. He did the same and kissed the top of my head so softly that I almost didn't feel the tingle. I felt the moon wink at us. That's when I knew that I loved the moon so much because it resembled him. It couldn't have been bad. His eyes turn soft once again. They are not foreign but a friend singing I love you, I love you, I love you. (If you get this reference we're friends now)

" Wanna head inside. It's cold and Maki-senpai will be searching for us.", he said.

I nodded and squeezed his hand once again. I am here. You're not alone...because just like the moon has the stars, you have me by your side on all those countless dark nights of march.

I turn around and bid the moon a farewell. He turns around and the tips of his lips rise. The three of us were one.

You

me

and the moon alone

are the ones that are going to defy the world's evil.

Thanks for reading everyone! I'd be glad to get some feedback because writing is something I'm passionate with and would love to improve. Have a nice day💫

Oh Dear Diary

▪︎Featuring: Fushiguro Megumi from Jujutsu Kaisen

▪︎Pronouns: they/them [Gn!reader]

▪︎Synopsis: While battling a special grade curse, you didn't expect for your plans with megumi to be put on hold— for the next life.

▪︎Genre: Angst

▪︎Warnings: Character death

note: I HAVE HAIKYUU FICS COMIN BUT I NEED TO WRITE THIS AAAA (THIS IS INSPIRED BY A SONG I HEARD ON TIKTOK and the edits of megumi and yuji tho I made it a x reader cuz I SIMP) this is also supposed to be short but i got carried away woop-

》 Main Masterlist

》 Jujutsu Kaisen Masterlist

Oh dear diary, I met a boy.

Taking down this special grade curse is a pain in the ass, you were already injured and the hits you were able to land seems to have little to no effect at the creature.

You cursed as you looked around, the other first years are also occupied so you couldn't ask them to help you. And the fact that there's no back up.. This feels like a suicide mission.

The curse swung at you with full force making you fly against the walls. You gasped, trying to gulp in air as your insides sear with pain. The impact was strong and you can feel your wounds getting worse. At this point, you were out of commision and can't fight anymore.

"Y/N!"

You heard the distant shout of Yuji as he rushes to help you. He sceunched his brows as he inspects your severely injured state while Nobara tries to keep the curse busy. You feel a familiar gaze lingered at you with worry, of course you couldn't help but stare at him. He was your whole world after all.

He made my dull heart light up in joy.

Everytime you spent together felt like you were on cloud nine. Those blissful memories are forever engraved in your mind. From the way his touches lingered on your body that sends shivers down your spine, and to the way his shy smile would present itself when you both are the only ones around. Time seems to slow down when you're with him. He was your home.

"I love you."

"I love you more, Megumi." You mumbled, tracing his face as the both of you basked in the sunshine, as he was about to protest, you silenced him with a kiss.

"Stay with me Y/n!" Yuji yelled, trying to apply pressure to the deep wound on your side. You patted his cheek as you stared at him, "I'll be fine Yuji.." you meekly said and started to cough out blood, splattering it onto the concrete.

Megumi finally finished the other curses that he's been fighting and looked at you both as he assesed the situation. "I need you here!" He called out to Yuji as he started to advance to the curse that rendered you immobile.

Anger and anxiety was all he felt as he continued to fight the special grade curse with Yuji and Nobara beside him as you watched from the sidelines. This shouldn't be happening, they weren't supposed to be here, this all feels eerily familiar with what happened to Yuji when he died.

A sad smile went it's way on your face, you knew at this rate that it will be impossible to flee and get medical attention. You stared at him, trying to retain his features in your mind as your memories with him filled your head, all the good and bad ones.

Oh dear diary, we fell apart.

"We prohibit you from seeing Fushiguro Megumi again."

The sentence weighed heavily against your shoulders as you stared at the elders of your clan. You wanted to retaliate and defy them but you couldn't do much, you were just a kid in a tradionalist clan. Who would take you seriously? You need to prove yourself first.

"May I ask why?"

One of them scoffed, clearly displeased with your question as the other one cleared their throat "He had cut ties with the Zenin clan. We can no longer benefit from him." They announced, you felt anger slowly rising in you as your elder brother looked at you with worry. You can feel your parent's warning glares from the sidelines, silently telling you not to do anything rash and scandalous.

"Therefore we arranged a marriage with Kamo Noritoshi, the heir of Kamo Clan." Your father announced.

The sentence made you want to pass out. No, you didn't want this. You ony want to be with Megumi.

If only the both of you were normal kids. Not worrying of you're gonna live to see another day and to battle strong opponents.

You kept your head down, hair covering the emotions etched on your face, almost acting like a shield to hide your vulnerability to the nasty people around you.

"And if we ever get a word that the two of you are still acting foolishly, expect something to come in your way." The head of your clan announced, standing up and leaving along with the others. Your brother hesitating to leave you behind but being forced to do so.

Eversince that day, no matter how hard you try to approach your former lover he seem to avoid you. It turns out, they tormented him to leave you alone.

It made you furious and left the clan which caused a major uproar.

"You have contributed nothing but shame on this clan. Pathetic." one of the elders said with a menacing glint on their eyes.

You ignored them and proceeded to walk out of your old life and start anew.

With your love.

You were brought back to reality when you saw them exorcise the curse succesfully. You smiled as tears fell from your eyes.

"Y/n! Don't worry, we'll bring you to the nearest hospital and you'll be better!" Megumi yelled as he cradled your body in his lap. You smiled and shook your head. His eyes were filled with unshed tears, trying to deny what's going on as he shaked his head.

"I can't loose you. We promised that we'll live happily right?" He whispers, tucking the stray hairs that frame your face.

It seems that you'll just fulfill it in the next life.

You grabbed his hand along with your blood coated one, you gave him a squeeze. Sending a message through your eyes.

I'll wait. Don't worry.

Megumi's cries were the last thing you heard before closing your eyes. You hope that someday you were able to live a peaceful life alongside him.

Welcome to the life of, L/n Y/n.

Head empty, just the reader being jealous and distancing themself when Megumi saved another sorcerer who likes him 🤧

(bonus points if the reader gets injured😭)

It's ANGST HOURS DDDUUDDEEEEESSSS!!

thank you for sending something in 😢, I appreciate it! Hope you like it! I love that concept!

Warnings: not proofread, Mention of blood, angst!, Fighting.

Characters: Megumi x GN Reader x Male First year.

REQUESTS: OPEN

PART TWO

Its happened at one of the missions Gojo passed onto them, cuz he believed it to be a low grade curse. But turns out, (surprise surprise) that it indeed WASNT a low grade. And not to mention, it could multiple itself.

"Megumi! Can you-" your voice cut off as the curse flung itself towards you. A groan leaving your lips as you felt it's weight, and the sharp pain of hitting the ground hard. Your thoughts going blank for a second, with hazy vision you turned your head seeing the multipled curse running towards megumi.

Who's back was turn, and was helping him. It looked like he had tripped over his own two feet, again.

The new third year, the NEW third year, that always had googly eyes and would become rather flirty with megumi when he walked in the room. And was now, (with a slight smirk in your direction) limping away with megumi help. The curse, unknown to them was right behind them, about to pounce.

The adrenaline coursing through your veins, at the mere thought of this curse hurting him. Along with the jealousy at the sight of your boyfriend, of 1 year helping the one person that wanted him. Whether he was taken or not.

Shooting up from your spot on the ground, running directly towards the curse. A wail escaping your mouth, "DOMAIN EXPANSION! MALEFICENT SHRINE!" You hollered, forming your hands in the same manner as Sukuna.

The curse screaming before finally, disappearing.

Wincing at the sudden sharp pain running down your back, feeling dizzy as Megumi was ... Wait.. what.

"Are you okay? Did you break your foot? Babe, can you hel-" Megumi was worrying over him, with his stupid 'twisted ankle', with his stupid cuts and blood on his face and body.

And you?

Your head was spinning, your clothes torn and dirty, there was BLOOD running down your head. Totally, completely ruining your new outfit you bought with Nobara.

Shaking your head at his actions, you walked past the both of them, flipping the phone open and trying to remain strong.

Because for starts, you were hurt more then the other, and you didn't want to cry from anger. "Y/N, why.. hey I'm talking to you. They need help! Why are you being like this, come on give me yo-"

"Tsk, tsk Megoomi. You just don't see it," Gojo said, walking up behind the two student towards you.

Megumi opened his mouth to reply, and to scrutinize his teacher. But you beat him too it, just it wasn't towards Gojo, but towards himself.

"What about me? Huh? Your girlfriend and fellow partner, on this mission? He wasnt the only one that got hurt! He wasn't the only one that was with you! What about me?! Where were you when I got thrown by that curse into that bush? Or when it suddenly multiply and body slammed me into the ground? Or when it started to spit, yes, SPIT ACID AT ME?! You were so worried about guarding him, but didn't even come to help me once! You actually yelled at me, as I got punch in the face, for not watching your and his back!" You shouted, the pain in your back blooming all over you body. To him and Megumi, it probably looked like you were vibrating from rage. But really, you were hurting, the blood was dripping slowly from your forehead to the ground.

And the look Megumi had in his eyes was fear and regret.

But it was too late for him, "Come on," Gojo spoke, now getting worried at the decreasing color from your cheeks.

"I'll have itachi come pick you two up."

As he floated away with you, passed out and bleeding in his arms. Leaving an angry and worried Megumi behind.

Regret and Forgiveness (Part 2)

Characters: Megumi x FReader ft. Gojo Satoru, Itadori Yujii, Shoko, Nobara.

Anime: jujutsu kaisen

Type: Imagine

First part: Here

Warnings: forced kiss, brief fighting, sadness, mention of blood, arguing, self doubt, angst, fluff at the end, cult, not proof read fully, mention of hair, IVs, hospital.

Summary: After being seriously injured from a mission. Gojo steps in and takes you to the infirmary to get bandaged up. And Megumi, starts to feel regret and realizes his actions and words have not been that of a great boyfriend.

A/N: Hello! So I had gotten asked for a part two, so here it is! I hope.yall like it!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"So, he is just going to leave us here for the time being? No one is going to wa-" The first year started to speak, before Megumi shot him a look that made his words get lodged in his throat.

"Did you not just see my girlfriend get carried away, literally bleeding and unconscious?!" Megumi shouted at him, his face turning a shade of red at the anger bubbling up. "Yeah, I did, but did you see her get thrown or even dodging those attacks? It wasn't even THAT bad, so over dramatic," He spoke crossing his arms in front of his chest, unaware of the killer look on Megumi face.

"W-What? And yet, you didn't even try to he-"

"Neither did you, so don't be trying to blame this on me. Or pick a fight, you were to busy fawning and worrying for me to even notice your own girlfriend becoming food."

Megumi went silent after that, standing a little straighter, cuz really what could he say to that? He was worrying over him, instead of his girlfriend that was taking the full force of the fight. Trying to focus the attention of the curse on her, instead of them.

"If it wasn't for the fact that you can't fight, or even muster up any kind of energy. I wouldn't have to worry about you," Megumi told him, watching his eyes grow wide at the rebuttal. "That was a low blow, Maki has no cursed ene-"

"Maki can fight, and has been training her ass off since she showed up here. Don't even try to mention her in this, or even compare yourself to her. You on the other hand, are always complaining and putting zero effort into anything, so really why are you here?"

"Ugh, Megumi and Akio, ca-" Itchai spoke up, his nerves ok high alert as he watched the two students argue. Though, neither one spoke to him and they were to busy shouting at one another.

"You want to know? It's because of you, Ive heard about you. The gloomy, and reserved 10 shadows user, I wanted to meet you an-"

"You literally are risking your life, so you could meet me? Seriously?! Are you crazy or -"

"My mother wanted me to see if you'd join our cult, we could use someone like you. You'd be the perfect match! Your father was with us, and we thought that you'd also join," Akio spoke, a crazy look in his eyes as his face twisted into a sinister smile. Hands reaching out towards Megumi, as he spoke on, "But then, I got to know you and be around you. Id been watching you for a long time, even before I started here. And I.. I think we really are meant to be, your sign and mine are a perfect match. Just dump that dumb bitch, she doesn't deserve you, look how she treated you tod-"

"Well, you heard all of that, correct Yaga?" Gojo hollered, grabbing Akio by his collar, pulling him backwards towards Yaga. Akio back slamming into Yaga chest, "What.. W-What how long have you guys been there?" Akio stuttered, pulling away from Yaga, but getting his hands pulled behind him cuffs quickly locked on his wrists. "Your going to the chamber to be spoken with, and questioned. Let's go Satoru, Itachi is here, he can tak-" Yaga stopped talking as Akio lunged forward towards Megumi, breaking the cuffs, his hands clapping around his head.

"I LOVE HIM, I CANT LEAVE LIKE THIS!" He shouted, moved Megumi head toward his own, lips connecting. Megumi shocked, reacted quickly, taking Akio legs out first and pushing him away. Rage racing through his veins as he stepped forward, but Gojo stopped him before he was able to do anything else.

"Don't, it's not worth it. He'll be getting much worse now that he sexually assaulted a student on top of other acts of treason," Gojo reassured him, squeezing Megumi shoulder as he stepped forward again. He knew that Megumi could end the students life or seriously harm him, and he kind of.. really wanted to see it. But there was someone else that needed to see Megumi, "(___), is currently sleeping and receiving treatment. I think she'd really like it if you were there when she woke up."

Megumi knew he was right, he knew she needed him right now. Even though, it was his fault she was in that situation right now. Shaking off his hand, he walked towards the car, Itachi following suit as he watched Yaga and Satoru disappear with the young student.

The ride back to the school was a silent one, he read messages from Nobara and Itadori. Asking questions on what had happened, why you were bleeding when they saw you. His hand gripping the phone tightly, surprised that it hadn't broken from his strength, he spaced out as he looked at his lock screen.

He was carrying you on his back, a large smile played on his face while you covered his eyes and leaned forward. A peace sign being made with your fingers, while holding it near your left eye with your tongue sticking out. It was on a surprise free day, Gojo and you both went out to Tokyo and had a day to yourselves.

The other students had either stayed at school to sleep, or gone done something else.

It was a good moment to get to know Gojo as not the teacher, but as the guardian of Megumi and Tsumiki. Though, there wasn't much difference besides him telling you embarrassing stories of Megumi.

"We are here, she is in room 10." Itachi informed him, Megumi jumping out of the still slightly moving car. Racing up the stairs to the treatment room, though being stopped by Shoko.

"Hey kid, she is still sleeping. And I want to worn you, she lost a lot of blood and has a punctured lung. I'm surprised she made it through to be honest, but she was already in the process of learning how to use her energy to heal herself. Said it would be a good thing to know how to do, but just be warned. There are a lot of things she is hooked up too, I'm not sure when she will wake up though." Shoko said the last part as she walked passed him and down the hall, "I'll leave you to cry, just be careful."

Megumi could already feel the tears stinging his eyes, gentle opening the door he saw your body lying on the bed. IVs, and machines where hooked up too you, a mask was over your face as something else helped you to breath. He collapsed by the bed, falling to his knees, as loud sobs and cries fell past his lips.

"I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry! I should have been helping you as well! I hope, you can forgive me when you get better, and wake up."

He laid by the bed for days, Shoko said that since you were already unknowingly healing yourself. That the recovery time would be quicker, instead of someone that didn't have that ability. By the first week, it was only now a matter of time for you to open your eyes.

"You need to take a shower, or spray some cologne on you. You smell terrible," Nobara spoke, visiting her friend and making sure Megumi was eating. "Here, Itadori made this, it's his meatballs, he knows you like them. He would be here, but Nanami wanted to take him to show him something," Nobara handed him the plate, a small frown still on his face. But this one was different from the usual one, this one was of sadness and guilt.

"Do you kno- wait.. her hand moved!" Nobara shouted, jumping towards the side of the bad, making sure not to pull on any of the lines. There was still a tube up your nose, to feed you, and a few IVs in your arms.

"Don't say that, holy shit, your right. (__), (__) can you hear me? I'm sorry, I am so so so sorry!" Megumi started to apologize, his hand lightly pushing your hair back. His eyes widening as your eyes, slowly tried to open, a low groan escaping your lips. "Go get Shoko, now," He ordered, Nobara already out the door shouting down the hall.

"Hey, don't move, you've been in this bed for a week now. Your body will be sore, and you probably won't be able to talk that well either, just relax. Youre alright, and I'm sorry, I am so sorry."

Your eyes were opened fully now, darting back and forth at the surroundings of the room. Shoko stepped into the room, Nobara an Gojo walking behind her. "Hey there, you're awake."

After that day, Shoko told the others that you'd be standing for another week or two. Making sure that you were able to regain some of your strength back, you may had been bed ridden for a week but your body had taken a beating. Quit literally.

And threw the walks, and Bambi feet, Megumi stayed by your side. Never leaving, unless you motioned for him to do so, though he was very reluctant.

"I'm fine now, really, you don't have to go to the bathroom with me." You laughed, trying to close the door as Megumi, was blocking you from fully closing it. "I know, but this hap-"

"Stop apologize, I forgave you and you already told me everything that happened. As did Gojo, though, it is still kind of gross kissing you after he had forced himself on you. Really wish I could kick his ass."

"I know, just.. I'm really sorry. And I told you, I've been brushing my teeth three times a day! Holler if you need anything," Megumi stepped back, watching the door close softly as you went to the bathroom.

A smile was on his face, though he knew you weren't mad at him anymore. He won't stop till you know that he regrets everything that happened.

"You're still standing there? Come on, everyone is waiting for us."

"Okay," He said, grabbing your bag, securing the strap on his shoulder. Reaching for your hand, as he gently lifted it to place a kiss on it. "I'm sorry," He thought out loud, a roll of your eyes were meant in response.

"I know, but it's in the past. And it won't happen again, right?"

"Nope, never will again. And if it does, you can kill me."

"Well, I wouldn't do that, but I'll scold you though. Come on, you know how Gojo gets, all the food will be gone by the time we get there."

You bother walked out the doors, and towards the dorms. The wind gentle tossing your hair, the atmosphere between you two was calm, and forgiveness and love was in the air.

-------------

Taglist: Not sure if anyone wanted to be tagged. But to those that asked for a second part.

@ani-girl @lolkaiko

“promise me you’ll be home in the next ten minutes,” megumi pouts, hands in his pockets as he paces back and forth in the kitchen. you nearly laugh at the childish tone of his voice, kicking the rocks as you walk down the side walk. “or i will come and pick you up, and drag you home.”

this time you truly laugh, one that sends ripples to his heart. you two don’t have plans tonight, but he’s been begging for you to come early, and of course, you rightfully oblige. who are you to decline the request of your one and only anyway.

“alright, alright, i will,” you give in to his orders, but still proceed to walk as slow as you possibly can; purposely dragging your feet to make some noise just to piss him off.

“i know you’re purposely dragging your feet just to agitate me.” he huffs, leaning into the kitchen counter and further pouting his lips. if it were humanly possible maybe you would be able to see that air that comes with the long huff. but even if you can’t, you already know what he looks like with his huffy face. “(y/n).”

“am i?” you tease him as you further drag your feet to the ground. he rolls his eyes at you, having enough of you and your antics as you laugh at him, not even hearing him grabbing his keys and leaving the house without any more words.

“you piss me off.” he jokes but in a monotonous voice. if you hadn’t known what megumi is actually like to his loved ones, then maybe that comment may have frightened you in the inside, but of course, as his significant other, you would know better than to be scared.

“do i?” you chuckle.

“yes you do.” he tiredly says.

you smile at his words and his tone feeling your cheeks flush whilst looking at the horizon as the sky changes its hues into orange, slowly blending with the light pink as the sun starts to lower itself.

“do you see the outside megumi?” you ask him, breath taken by the beauty of the sky. you always have had a weird attraction to sky lines, something about colours blending in the almost unrealistic sky always has you in awe.

“i do.” he responds, looking at the sky as well as he walks down the path with his feet kicking some pebbles.

“it’s so pretty,” you dreamily sigh, the smile on your face so sweet that it makes your heart warm.

“but you know what’s prettier?” he asks you.

“what is?”

“the person who stands teen feet away from me.”

you look up front and there you see megumi with a soft smile on his face. you small smile turns wide as you put your phone into your pocket and skip towards him with your hand already out for holding. megumi takes his palm out as well, eyes watching with adoration as you walk to him with that face that always somehow makes any day of his turn so good.

“hello stranger,” you say, taking his hand into yours and squeezing it lightly. he puts his phone into his pocket, chuckling as he raises your intertwined hands to his lips and pressing a kiss on the back of your hand.

“hello too, stranger.”

content belongs to @shisnhou on tumblr! do not repost, copy, use, or modify!

devoted f.toji

pairings: fushiguro toji x fem! reader

cw: heavy angst, arranged marriage, illness, inaccurate descriptions of heart disease (just did some research lol), megumi is 5 years old, mentions of abuse, some kissing, mentions of pregnancy, drinking, toji is giving mixed signals, suggestive themes, lots of cursing, happy ending. wc: 18k

a/n: this was a filo au that i posted on tiktok, but due to problems posting on tiktok, the story wasn't finished and now here it is with an ending!! sorry for the long wait my tiktok readers 🥹 i'm sorry if the ending did not meet your expectations :') will post the angst ending soon

despite the years his past wife died, he still couldn't move on. it's up for the fate to decide if you could change him.

happy ending | alternate angst ending

being an outcast in your family is the worst. you were forced to marry someone who's like you.

toji fushiguro, an outcast in his family and both of you were forced to marry each other. you've heard rumors about him. mostly bad ones. his father's company is famous after all.

toji have a son from his deceased wife. the time you met his son, megumi, you thought the kid will hate you but it was the opposite. he welcomed you, even told you that he was happy he finally has a mother.

you and toji never really interacted with each other that much, only if needed, like family gatherings or when megumi is around. who would want to show a kid that you're not interested with each other, right? but when it's just the two of you, both were completely a stranger to each other. there were times were you wanted to start a conversation because sleeping in one bed was awkward especially when there's no conversation at all.

you did start a conversation at some point but toji's presence was intimidating enough to shut you up. as time passes by, you're getting used to his presence. he seemed to be scowling at all times but you noticed that, that's just how he is. you continued to interact with him until you and him finally got comfortable with each other, where good morning and good nights were exchanged. but then you've grown attached to the man, especially his son.

when you asked toji why his last name is fushiguro, he told you that it was his deceased wife's last name. toji still refused to bring back his last name which is supposed to be zenin. he told you that his family once forced him to use zenin again but toji simply ignored them. even though toji was an outcast, none of his family couldn't argue with him so he kept the last name fushiguro while you stick with your own last name.

being an outcast, you didn't feel any love from your family and the simple things toji showed you made you feel loved. that night he let you borrow his jacket when it started to snow unexpectedly, those times where he makes extra coffee for you, he would even let you hug him if you have nightmares and most of all, he defends you from your family.

that's what you loved, no– love about him. but you wonder, does toji feel the same? and the answer was already obvious. toji only accepted the marriage because he doesn't have a choice. they will remove him from the business his family owns and he doesn't want that because he needs money for his son, megumi. he promised his deceased wife that he'll take care of megumi after all.

and you adore toji for that. sometimes you think, will toji cherish you the same way he does with his deceased wife? even if his wife died many years ago, he still have the love he has for her, as if she's still around to feel it.

-

you were currently laying on the couch as you hug yourself for warmth. it wasn't an argument with toji, but you just want to be left alone for now. the words "i love you" accidentally slipped out of your mouth, and you didn't mind if toji doesn't reply and you just hoped he didn't reply to it at all.

"i love you, toji." you whispered, enough for him to hear and his eyes looked guilty as he looked away from you.

"you shouldn't." toji replied. "you'll just hurt yourself."

"i know."

"you know we're married only in papers, we already decided to be just friends." you already know that, but you couldn't just hold back anymore, and of course he would say that. toji thinks no one could replace the love his deceased wife showed and gave him. she was there at his lowest point, she comforted him, told him the words he doesn't know he deserves to hear and toji just couldn't open his heart to love someone, at least not anymore. his wife was enough, megumi addressing you as his mother is enough, even a part of toji doesn't want it.

you glanced at the ring he's caressing on his finger. it should be the ring you placed on his finger on the wedding day but instead, it was the promise ring his wife had gave him. your heart couldn't ache anymore. you're so used at the empty feeling that it doesn't hurt you anymore.

"i'm sorry.." you mumbled as you excused yourself, deciding to just sleep on the couch. there you've grown to realize that being attached with toji fushiguro was the biggest mistake you'll ever done but you'll never regret.

-

you woke up with a shuffling beside you. you opened your eyes and saw megumi with his small blanket on his hand as he frowned at you.

"mama, it's cold." megumi said as he hurriedly draped his blanket above you.

"it's fine, megumi." you smiled at him as megumi tucked his small body on your arms.

"mama, did papa make you cry?" megumi asked and you pinched his nose as you disagree with his question.

"no megumi, mama fell asleep here while watching." you said.

"okay, i love you mama." megumi said and it has been minutes since he said those words and you were still silent that it made megumi look up at you.

"mama, i love you." he repeated with a hushed tone.

"i―" it was as if you choked on something as you embraced the child. "i love my baby too." you muttered.

after that conversation with toji, everything feels weird as if it's reminding you of your place, that you were forced to marry toji to strengthen your family's bond with the zenin's.

"papa loves you too." megumi mumbled and you just hoped it was true.

toji's mother suddenly visited that day without a notice and toji wasn't around. his family doesn't really hate you but there's always a weird atmosphere around when you're close with them. just when his mother asked where toji was, he suddenly came back from work.

you knew he went here in rush, and the way he wrapped his arms around you as his lips came in contact with your forehead made your heart flutter. but you reminded yourself that it was only for a show. his mother smiled at the scene as toji sat beside you on the dining table.

"what brings you here, ma." toji asked in an annoyed tone.

"i just wanted to visit my grandson." you excused yourself a bit as you made your way towards the kitchen to make them something to eat and drink, and when you came back, the question you and toji were avoiding got asked by his mother.

"when do you plan on having another child?" she asked.

"no plans yet, we're to busy to have another child running around. megumi is enough."

"it's been a year since you're both married. why not give it a try?"

"ma―" you cut toji off before he could say something harsh to his mother.

"we did try it, ma, but it didn't really work so we decided to just wait for the right time." you answered, lied for toji and his mother seemed to buy it.

"ok.. but i am getting old, toji. we need to see a female granchild too." she said before excusing herself to go to her grandson who was playing. toji huffed at her mother's response as he stood up from the chair.

"i am sorry about that, toji." you said because as much as possible, you wanted to avoid answering that question too. toji sighed as he left the kitchen to get changed and when he went back to the living room, his mother was about to leave.

finally. he thought.

"just give it a try." toji's mother told you as she went inside her car.

"why'd she go here without informing me." toji muttered as megumi sat between you and him on the couch, showing the chocolate his grandmother gave him.

"i was surprised too."

"that's fine, thank you for covering up for me." he said as he stood up from the couch and took the chocolate on megumi's hand while carrying him. megumi whined in surprise as his father carried him like a sack of rice as you slowly followed behind.

"papa!" he exclaimed, kicking and punching but it was no use.

"come on, we don't want mama to get mad for eating to much sweets at night." toji said. he wasn't talking about you, you know that.

he placed megumi down beside the refrigerator as he placed the chocolate inside.

"too much sweet is not good for you." toji said as he carried megumi once again.

-

you just finished washing the dishes as you walked past megumi's room, and their muffled voices made you eavesdrop at their conversation, and you maybe you just didn't.

"megumi, why are you being so stubborn? you don't want mama to get mad right?"

"mama doesn't get mad at me!" megumi yelled as you smile a bit at his words.

"megumi, did you already forget your real mama, hm? she'll be sad in heaven. you want that?" toji said and his words was like a needle that was continuously poking at your chest.

"huh? but mama is here." megumi said, pointing at the door.

"look, (name) is just a replacement for your mama, but your real mama? she loves you, her love for you couldn't be replaced by someone."

"even (name)?" megumi said, and the way he addressed you by your name, you admit hurts. you took a deep breath as you felt a sharp pain in your chest. but that's fine, you're already used to it.

"yes, now go and sleep okay?"

"okay."

-

megumi started acting awkwardly towards you the next day, he was trying his best to avoid your gaze, maybe even you. he would stutter through his words between calling your name or 'mama'.

"bye bye, (name).." megumi looks away at you as he held toji's hand.

"bye bye." you replied as you forced a smile and megumi looked back once at the front door as they finally left the house.

-

"papa, i don't want to see mama sad." megumi said as toji placed his seatbelt. megumi might be a kid but he can clearly understood human emotions. when he called you by your name earlier, he saw how your smile disappeared but then you covered it up by a forced smile, and you just let him call you by your name.

"she's not sad-"

"yes she is."

"you don't understand, megumi." toji said and megumi only kept quiet because he knew arguing with his father is useless.

-

megumi jolted awake. he fell asleep after being in school the whole day as he searched for your presence. he had a dream, a really bad one and he found you in your and his father's room, talking to someone in your phone. megumi heard a sob coming out of you. you said something that megumi couldn't quite hear as you finally ended the call. he watched as you wiped your tears with your palms and took a deep breath. megumi silently close the door as he went back to the living room, sitting patiently as you appeared on his view.

"oh, megumi. how was your sleep?" you asked as you kneeled infront of the boy. megumi observed your eyes, they were a bit red.

"it's fine, mama." you were taken aback. he's calling you mama again. you smiled as you cupped his chubby cheeks.

"are you hungry?" you asked and he nods as you guided him on his feet. he didn't let go of your hand.

"mama, i love you. you're my one and only mama." you felt megumi's small hands squeeze your big ones, as if he's reassuring you of something.

"i love you too, my one and only baby. now let's go and prepare dinner!" megumi noticed that your mood shifted, and he was proud of himself that he was the one who brought a smile on your face.

-

it's unusual for you to wake up with toji's arms around you. you knew toji didn't do it on purpose, he was drunk last night and you just want to indulge the moment, even just for a minute or even seconds. you felt toji moved and you immediately stood up from the bed.

why do you feel guilty? it's not like you and toji were cheating on his wife. but that's how you felt. toji was still sleeping as you sighed, placing the blanket above him as you went out of the room.

"good morning, mama!" megumi greeted as he closed his ipad off.

"morning, 'gumi. what do you want for breakfast?"

"anything you cook!" he answered as he sat on the kitchen stool, watching you prepare the ingredients you needed.

"pancakes or rice?"

"rice!"

"okay." you laughed at his energetic response.

"mama can we buy art materials later? my teacher said we'll do arts on monday."

"sure, let's go out after we eat."

-

toji heard you and megumi talking as he arrived the living room. and just as he was about to enter the kitchen, your body bumped on his chest.

"oh, i was about to wake you up. breakfast is ready." you said, about to went back to the table but toji held your arm to stop you for a moment. he placed his other hand behind his head as he looks away.

"did i said something weird? last night." he asked as you look at him for a moment before you shake your head left to right. toji sighed in relief as he let go of your arm, both of you sitting on the kitchen stool. you look at toji, and he looks at you, but you couldn't meet his eyes as you smiled at megumi and place the food on his plate.

-

you just finished brushing your teeth as you were disturbed with a loud thud outside the bathroom.

"toji? are you there?" you called.

it was as if your soul went out of your body for a second, toji appeared infront of you. a curse slipped out of your mouth as toji's weight fell on you.

this was your first time seeing toji drunk, even your first time encountering a drunk person and you really don't know what to do so you tried your best to pull him with you in the room since he was so heavy.

once you opened the door of your room, you and toji fell on the ground. does his wife encountered this event a lot of times? if so what did she do?

toji was whispering something. you couldn't quite hear him as you placed your ear close to his mouth, the smell of alcohol getting stronger than it was and he was apologizing. you were confused as you move away from him.

"toji, i can't carry you anymore." you said, trying to wake him up as toji's eyes slightly opened.

"my wife." he whispered, you don't know if that certain beat in your heart was because he called you his wife or maybe because he mistook you of his wife.

and the next words he uttered is what you didn't expect as he suddenly placed his hand on your cheek and you were completely frozen in your spot as he continued to speak.

toji's hand finally slipped from your face as his head fell on your shoulder and you sit there, processing the words he said just a minute ago

he didn't mistook you as if wife, he indeed called you his wife and it warmed your heart.

"mama?" you were out of your thoughts when you felt megumi's hand above yours. "are you okay?" he asked as you look at him and then at toji.

"i'm fine, what was it again?" you asked, facing megumi as he smiled at you.

"papa will go with us later!" he said.

"oh? is that so?" you said as you look at toji, waiting for his answer.

he laughs at your reaction.

"looks like you don't want to?" he joked.

"it's not like that! it's always just me and megumi, since you're always busy.." you responded.

"yeah, today's a day off." you cursed internally. you have an appointment to the doctor today, you thought taking megumi with you would be fine, but toji? what reason should you tell him? you couldn't possibly say that you have a family meeting. no, you don't even have someone you can call a family, except for this two. plus toji would be updated if there's a family gathering.

maybe you'll ask the doctor to move appointments.

-

"are you sure? though i'm not sure when my schedule's gonna be clear again, (name)."

"it's fine choso, i can wait, just update me."

"sorry about that, i'm busy these days plus yuuji's been wanting attention too."

"is that so?" you said as you smile. "i want to meet him soon! looks like he's a good kid."

"soon, i'll bring him to the hospital with me."

"okay, see you next time then?"

"yeah. and (name), don't stress yourself too much, it's bad for the heart." you smiled at his words.

"of course, thank you. bye."

"who's choso?" startled by the voice, you immediately hid your phone behind you.

he was eavesdropping.

toji raised his eyebrow at your reaction as he opened his cabinet.

"a friend of mine."

"really? didn't know you have a friend." toji said in a voice you couldn't recognize, it was as if he's mocking you. you scoffed at him, deciding to just ignore his words.

you were about to leave the room but toji's voice stopped you.

"if you're starting to date someone, don't inform megumi about it. or he'll be sad." he said, mumbling the last sentence as you left. did toji really thought you were dating someone even if you're married already?

sure everything is one-sided, but you just don't have it in you to date someone, not when toji already has your heart, your everything. even if he doesn't know it. but you think it's better for toji to assume that choso is something in your life than choso just being an appointed doctor.

-

toji was too drunk when he got home and he think he just saw his deceased wife, but when he approached the person, it turned out to be you.

toji noticed that he was at the bathroom and felt your hands on his arms as you place it on your shoulder. he felt drinking that day, he wanted to forget everything or maybe when his wife appeared on his dream last night, the words he told her. he didn't want to wake up that night.

toji already forgot her face, her voice, how her hands felt on his. he already promised that they will meet again. in next life or in another universe. it doesn't matter where, as long as he could meet his wife again. but his wife told him in his dreams that he should move on, and he couldn't just do that.

toji did saw your efforts. he saw how you care for him, especially megumi. but he couldn't just stop himself from comparing you to his wife on his mind. no one could ever replace his wife. toji squinted his eyes, he saw you trying to pick him up.

"toji, i can't carry you anymore." but your words was a blur to him.

toji's hand twitched and moved on its own as he sat up from the floor.

"i'm sorry, i can't." he muttered as he placed his rough hand on your cheek, observing your eyes as he leaned his forehead on yours. "i can't love no more. i can't love you the same way. i'm sorry."

toji was the man of your dreams.

he might not know it but toji saved your life, he saved you from the hands of your greedy parents.

"i can't love you the same way, i'm sorry." the way he said those words were filled with guilt.

sometimes you put yourself on his place. if you were the one that has a past lover who died, of course it'll be hard to move on, especially when that person made you feel love and gave you the world.

toji was miserable back then, not until he met her. she fixed him. just like you and toji, you met him and he fixed you. the only difference was they loved each other. she loved him and he loved her, while you love him but he was stuck in the past.

there were times where you watch him sleep, not in a bad way, but just want to admire him where you whisper your love for him. he won't hear it of course. his dreams must be more entertaining than the words you're whispering to him.

toji's words that night made an impact to you. everything he does for you, you started viewing it as him just doing it for kindness and not for love. maybe toji just doesn't want to hurt you further because he knew how badly your family treated you back then. you were on the same page after all.

now you realized that maybe it was bound to happen, that being married with toji is enough, being a mother figure to megumi was enough. he already did enough for you, for taking you away from your hell life. you'll just pay him back by doing what you should for him and megumi.

you'll just love him silently. you'll bury your feelings deep inside your heart that only you, yourself knew. maybe wait for him to finally acknowledge you. but you knew it wouldn't happen this time around.

for now, you'll just watch him love someone who wasn't even around anymore.

-

toji was showing you a picture of his past wife because you asked him to see her. she looked a lot like megumi, but a female version. now you know why toji fell in love with her. even in the picture, it was already obvious that his wife was kind and a loving person. but you're kind and a loving person too, aren't you? the universe is so unfair.

"this is when she was 7 months pregnant." toji said as he pointed a specific picture. you smiled at his words as you continue to listen to him. but toji suddenly went silent all of the sudden and closed the album as he cleared his throat.

"why, did you want to see it?" he asked as he placed the album back inside his drawer.

"just curious, she looked a lot like megumi." you said as you lean your head on your knees, facing him. "how did you meet her?"

"it was an arranged marriage too." he said. "i wasn't really favored with it but i don't have a choice." toji smiled. how can a person like her make him smile like this when you can't? "she was simple, i suddenly fell in love with her." toji said with adoration in his voice as he looked at you.

you sighed as you lay flat on the bed and started stretching your arms.

"ah, i wonder if someone would love me that way too." you sighed as you turned your back on him.

"you will, but that couldn't be me." he said straightforwardly as if reminding you that you couldn't change his mind anymore and it made you curl yourself on the sheets.

"are you and that choso dating?" toji asked as you turn to face him. he was leaning his back on the headboard with a laptop on his lap.

"no? why'd you assume we're dating?"

"you've been going out a lot these days, i just thought."

"are you okay with that?" you asked.

"of course." and he didn't even hesitate which hurt you more. "i mean, maybe he's the one you're looking for?" toji said as he closed the laptop, the surroundings being engulfed with darkness, the bright moon outside being the only source of light.

but you're already here. you wanted to say those words but you already knew what he'll respond to it. toji lay flat on the bed as he placed his arms behind his head while you were still facing him.

"not gonna answer my question?"

"oh? what was it again?"

"i said maybe choso is the one you're looking for."

"toji-"

"i just want what's best for you, y/n. you know, i can't really.."

"toji, i already know that. choso is just a friend, nothing more, nothing less." you said followed by a sigh. "at least just let me be by your side." you whispered, hoping that he heard even just a bit of it.

"if you insist, but i already warned you." toji said.

"i know.." toji was just beside you, but he's far within your reach. has it always been like this? every night, you and toji always ends the day with a conversation, same question with the same answers and toji will end up with his back facing you. every night, you couldn't sleep. only whispering those three words to him hoping and praying that he'll hear it and say it back.

every i love you's that was whispered were left hanging on the air. sometimes it was tiring, thinking of the words toji said that maybe he wasn't really for you and you weren't the one for him.

"good night." you mumbled.

"good night." he replied and everything was dark.

i love you, toji.

those words you utter to yourself every single day and night, hoping that he'll say it back, maybe just once, and it might heal the void inside your heart. but not a single day he said it back.

-

toji felt guilty but he shouldn't be feeling this way. you were just married on papers and already agreed that being friends was enough. yet he couldn't help but watch as you curl yourself, as if seeking for a comfort he knew he couldn't give you. he apologized on his mind, he couldn't say it out loud because he knew how it would hurt you more, so he just stayed silent.

toji switched off the lights as he lay comfortably to the side with your back facing him. he doesn't know how long he's been closing his eyes but sleep just couldn't take over him.

"i love you, toji."

he froze on his spot and his body tensed as he heard you whispered those words. he then felt your fingers caress the scar on his lips.

"i'm sorry if you ever feel guilty for not returning my love for you. but always know that i understand you." you whispered and your touch disappeared on his skin as he felt your warmth get close to him. "i'll keep waiting, maybe someday.." minutes passed, toji was still waiting for you to say something but you were already silent.

he opened his one eye and the first thing he saw was your back, there were a space between you and him.

is it always this far? are you always this far from him? toji doesn't know. he tried to reach for you but he stopped himself. and then again, another apology had slipped on his mind. he couldn't say it back, not when he swore to only say those words to the person he loves.

toji finally closed his eyes as the sleepiness take over his body. he knew that the one for you, who'll cherish you, love you like how you deserve it will eventually come and toji was already certain that it wasn't him.

it was really true that first love never dies now that you've experienced it and toji was enough proof. you couldn't stop loving him the way he couldn't stop loving his past wife. how can you even wish someone to just die when they're already dead? it was weird but were you too cruel for that?

you just hope that someday, toji will look at you the way you've always been wanting and craving. you'll wait, even if your and his hair turns white or even if you only have enough time to live.

-

"just this once?" you whispered as toji held your cold hands as he placed it on his cheek.

toji closed his eyes as he placed your hand back on the bed, hospital bed.

"i'm really sorry.." he whispered back and it was enough for you to hear it.

a small laugh left your lips. it's so hard even to laugh now.

"that's fine, at least thank you for being here."

"i'll say it if you want."

"don't say something you don't mean, toji." you smiled at him.

"yeah, i guess so."

-

you sit up from the bed as you wake up. it was just dream, but it felt to real for it to be a dream.

you couldn't help but cry as you cover your mouth as you felt a hand on your back.

"what's wrong? another nightmare?" toji asked. even in your dreams, in your death bed, toji still didn't love you. even in your deathbed, toji still couldn't love you the way you wanted it. maybe it was sign that toji doesn't have to know your condition.

he doesn't need to know.

"it's nothing, let's go back to sleep?"

-

you went out again. toji heard you talking to someone on the phone, he guessed it was choso. he didn't mean to follow you but he still did.

toji ended up following you on a hospital and he was confused. are you sick? toji asked himself, but you always looked fine.

he anxiously tap his finger on the steering as he waited for you on his car and it took you more than 30 minutes to finally come out of the hospital again.

why does that doctor have to send you out? even placing his hand on your back.

toji watched you enter your car. he waited for you to leave before going out of his car to enter inside the hospital.

he was hesitant as he finally arrived the front desk.

he cleared his throat as he faced the lady infront.

"is there a patient named (name)?"

"(name)?" the nurse repeated as she looked down the lists but your name wasn't there. "i'm so sorry but there is no patient named y/n here."

"ah, mr. fushiguro. did (name) send you here?" toji turned around at the voice and he was met with the same doctor he saw outside the hospital. toji's eyebrow furrowed as he fully faced him. "i'm choso by the way, y/n's doctor. i guess she already told you?"

-

"mama?" you heard as you enter the front door.

megumi approached you as he embraced you.

"did you just woke up?" you asked as both of you went back to the living room.

"a while ago.."

"where's your papa?"

"i woke up when he left."

"he left? but he said it's his day off today." you mumbled as you recalled his words. "anyway, what do you want for breakfast, gumi?"

-

as toji entered the house, yours and megumi's muffled voice can be heard at the front door. it looked like you and megumi is having fun. toji finally entered the kitchen and saw you with megumi baking a cupcake.

"papa!" megumi exclaimed as he jumped down the stool to approach his father, the icing on megumi's clothes being transferred to toji's clean ones.

"welcome back, toji. where have you been?" you asked and it suddenly smelled like cigarettes.

she looks fine. toji thought, but he was trying to stare at you as if it'll reveal something.

"toji?" you called him with concern as he snapped out of his thoughts.

"just went out. who's that for?"

"mama said she wants to try baking!" megumi answered.

"is that so?" toji said as megumi hummed in response.

toji looked at you once again, but his stare was making you uncomfortable. there's something weird about the way he looks at you and it was scaring you.

"i'll rest for a bit." toji said as he left the kitchen.

"mama, did you and papa fight?" megumi asked as he approached you.

"no megumi, he's just tired." you smiled down at megumi to reassure him and he warmly returned your smile.

toji didn't left the room that day.

you lay down beside him, still minding the space with both of your backs facing each other.

you heard shuffling behind you but you paid no mind to it. and when you turned your body to the other side, you were surprised to come face to face with toji.

"hey." you started as you slightly move back to create more space. "are you not hungry? there's still left over from the kitchen.

"i'm fine." toji replied with a low voice as you nod at his words.

"good night, toji." you said as you went back to face the other side again.

you were waiting for his reply but minute passed, he was still silent so you took a deep breath and sighed while closing your eyes. but the moment you closed your eyes, you felt him move close to you. he tucked his arms below your body and then the other above you as he easily pulled you close to him.

"good night." he replied as you look up at him with shock. did he just initiate a physical touch? he's not drunk, right?

"mhm." you simply replied, still surprised. toji didn't move away after that, he stayed still and so were you.

"are you drunk?" you asked that made toji open his eyes.

"i'm not. why asking?"

"well, it's- is this okay with you?" you asked and your voice was too small that toji almost didn't catch it.

you were out of words. it was weird for toji to act this way, especially when he's not even drunk. does he need something from you?

it hurts to think that he's only being affectionate because he needs something from you. either way, you'll still do what he'll ask you because you love him.

"are you not comfortable with it?" the way you immediately stopped him when he was about to remove his arms around you was a desperate move, but you didn't want to lose this chance because it might not happen again.

"no, i like it.. it's just, we've never done this before, shouldn't you be the one who's uncomfortable with this? i mean-"

"shh, let's just stay like this." toji murmured as he pulled you a little more close to him. his warm breath fanning on your neck.

you smiled but if felt like something was missing. you felt complete but at the same time you're not. you placed your hands on top of toji's that was around you as you give it a light squeeze.

"toji." you called his name in a whispered tone as you heard him hummed in response. "i'm not her, toji."

you didn't know why you even said those words. toji was hugging you but there were possibilities of him thinking his wife on you. because why would he suddenly do this if not for that?

as those words left your mouth, the warm presence that was comforting you suddenly disappeared. you weren't even surprised when he did that, just a tiny bit of ache in your heart.

heh, i knew it. but it's fine, i still loved it. you thought to yourself as you ended up curling your own body again, seeking for the comfort that was there just a while ago.

maybe someday, toji will hug you again, but that time, you hope he'll do it as him thinking of you, not while thinking of his deceased wife.

-

"i'm choso by the way, (name)'s doctor. i guess she already told you?"

"hah?" toji rasped in confusion as he looked at choso. so this was choso and he's a doctor.

not bad. toji thought.

"then why are you here, mr. fushiguro? your wife left just 5 minutes ago."

"i know." toji replied.

choso raised his eyebrow at the man in front of him.

"do you perhaps need something from me?" choso couldn't help but ask because the way toji looked at him was different.

"yes, i want to talk to you."

both of them ended outside the hospital where there were no people around.

-

toji slammed his hand on the wall, slightly embarrassed as he watch the doctor laugh in front of him.

"what's funny." toji rasped.

"sorry, sorry-" choso replied as he pants, he never had a good laugh these days. "mr. fushiguro, are you assuming that your wife is having an affair with me?"

"i didn't mean it that way, i was just asking if you and (name) have something."

"mr. fushiguro, ms. (name) is just my patient, i'm sorry if it came off that way." choso said as he leaned his back on the wall. "plus i know my boundaries, i wouldn't go with a married woman, y'know." toji calmed his body as he leaned his back on the wall like choso did.

"she's always talking to you on the phone, that's why i assumed."

"(name) told me a lot about you."

"i'm hoping it's the good ones."

"not even once your wife badmouthed you, mister." choso replied as he offered toji a cigarette to which he declined.

"she's not sick, is she?" toji asked.

"mhm, your wife was diagnosed with arrhythmia."

"arrhythmia?" toji faced choso at his words.

"her heartbeat is irregular, mr.fushiguro. are you not taking a good care of your wife?" choso tried to joke him but he didn't expect toji to stay silent. "well, i hope she's not lying when she said she doesn't smoke and drink?"

"no, she doesn't." toji said.

"anxiety or any emotional distress can cause this. are you perhaps having a lot of fight? her condition has been like this for a long time now."

"no, we don't fight." toji said "is it harming her that much?" toji asked

"for now, it's not. but if she doesn't take a good care of herself, it may lead to a heart failure."

"how to avoid this?" choso looked at toji in disbelief. did you seriously kept it a secret to your husband?

-

"toji." you called him as he was about to leave the house. "i'm sorry about last night." you said.

you frowned as you heard the front door close. toji was ignoring you. you felt guilty for saying those words last night but you just couldn't hold back anymore. it was hurting you. why would you say that when toji only wanted to be close with you?

you sighed in defeat as you turn around, continuing the dishes you were doing.

you knew how toji hated it when it's about his wife, yet you still brought it up.

-

"toji!" you scolded.

it was yet another night where he came home drunk, you're almost starting to get used of this scenario.

"i said don't touch me!" he yelled back as you stumbled back a bit from the force of his push.

you were getting scared. not even once toji had yelled at you, this was the first time. was the words you said really did have an impact to him? now you feel more guilty than you were. you were scared that toji would start looking at you the way your family did.

only because of the stupid words you said.

"toji." you said in a more calmer tone as you guide him on his feet.

"let go." he mumbled.

"i will. let's go to the room first, okay?" you sighed in relief when toji did what you said without saying anything.

"mama.." toji's voice must've woke megumi up as he look at you with concerned eyes.

toji shrugged his shoulders to remove your hand on his shoulders as he kneeled infront of megumi.

"megumi, mama's not here anymore." toji said.

you were taken aback but megumi was more surprised than you were that he started crying.

he was pushing toji away from him as he cry.

"i hate you!" megumi yelled as he finally free himself from toji and hugged your leg.

"it's okay, 'gumi. go back to sleep." you said as you kneeled on megumi's level while he cried in your shirt.

toji stood up by himself as he entered your shared bedroom, closing the door with a force as you flinch in surprise.

"mama." megumi cried.

"it's fine now, he's just tired."

"you say that a lot of times." megumi said as he wiped his tears. "let's sleep together, mama." you look at your room door as you nod at megumi.

maybe toji needs to have his time alone for now.

-

you were humming a lullaby as you sing megumi to sleep.

you already sang the lullaby 3 times already and just like you, megumi couldn't sleep at all. he knew you were crying but he decided to not talk to you.

megumi pretended to be asleep as you finally stopped humming.

he heard you took a deep breath as you pulled his small body close to you.

"night night, 'gumi." he heard you whispered as he felt the dip on his bed beside him disappear.

megumi squinted his eyes and saw you walking out of his room as the door finally closed leaving him inside his now dark room.

megumi sat up from his bed as he silently followed you.

he was tiptoeing as he followed you to the kitchen.

you were sitting there, a glass of water between your hands as you stare at nothing.

you were too drained as you wiped the remaining tears your eyes could release.

megumi was lost in his thoughts and didn't hear you walking on his way, but before you could caught him, he showed himself to you.

"megumi?" you called him, slightly surprised at his presence. "what's wrong?"

"um water, mama." he said as he noticed you smile a bit before giving him a glass of water.

-

"all good?" you asked as megumi tucked you and himself on the blanket as he hug you. he nods in response as he sighed in content.

"mama, i will tell papa tomorrow to say sorry." he said.

"it's fine, 'gumi. he's just tired and mama understands." you said as you brushed megumi's hair with your fingers.

"okay, i love you mama."

"i love you too, now go back to sleep you have school tomorrow."

-

when megumi woke up the next morning, you were still sleeping beside him. he kissed your tear stained cheek as he went out to start his day.

he found his father on the kitchen counter, holding his head with his hand.

toji noticed megumi's presence as he immediately approached his son.

"where's your mama?" toji asked as he placed his hands on megumi's shoulders.

megumi noticed that his father was restless, but he deserved it for yelling at you last night.

"say sorry to mama, papa." megumi said.

"ha? where's she?"

"in my room. mama was crying because of you!" megumi yelled, he almost wanted to cry as he recalled your unreadable expression last night. "i saw mama drink so many medicine, papa." megumi muttered.

toji massaged his temples as he made his way to megumi's room with megumi following behind.

toji slowly opened the door and sighed in relief as he finally saw you.

megumi's small blanket couldn't even cover your whole body as toji approached you and gently carried you to the bed, transferring you to your shared room.

"let's not wake up mama for now." toji said as he pats megumi's head. "i'll drive you to school."

-

"papa." megumi called as he fixed the seatbelt of the front seat. toji hummed in response as he waited for the street lights to turn green. "do you hate mama?" megumi was hesitant at his question.

"no." toji responded plainly.

"but you always make mama cry." megumi mumbled. "you always say that she's not my mama and it's hurting her. i always see mama cry, i just stay quiet." toji ignored his son as he started driving.

-

toji went back home after sending megumi to school and you were still sleeping.

he sat on the bed as he tried to recall anything that has happened last night but he couldn't remember anything.

he felt you moved as he look at you. you were finally awake.

you saw him as you sit up from the bed.

"good morning." you greeted as you rubbed your eyes.

toji was waiting for you to say something about last night but you didn't and instead smiled at him as you stretched your body.

"megumi!" you exclaimed as you realized that you were supposed to send him to school.

"i already drove him to school."

"ah really? thank you." you said as you finally relaxed your body. "then, what do you want for breakfast?"

-

has it been always like this? toji asked himself as he watched you prepare breakfast.

is it always like this the next day when he came home every night he's drunk?

you were all smile but this was the first time toji noticed that it was forced. is it really always like this?

toji wasn't the one to get nervous but when he recalled the nights he came home drunk, he couldn't recall anything.

he must've said or did something hurtful to you that you do not wish to tell him the next morning.

megumi was always a witness to it but you always tell him to stay quiet.

"i'll go out later." you said as he snapped out of his thoughts.

"okay. want me to accompany you?" toji noticed the way you immediately declined his request and there, he exactly knew where you're headed.

toji watched you drink the hot chocolate in your mug.

"(name)." he called.

"mh?"

"i'm sorry. if i ever did something last night."

not just last night, every time he comes home drunk, toji would say something hurtful and you were even convinced that he means some of it.

the first time he came home drunk, he told you he couldn't love you the way you love him and that was fine for you. but second time he came home drunk, he said the words i love you, but it wasn't for you. he said i love you but not your name in it. the third night he came home drunk, he compared you to his wife saying that you couldn't replace the role of being megumi's mother and you know that.

megumi was there and he cried with you saying that he loves you and don't listen to what his father said to you. but then it happened again. he watch his father get mad at everything, including you, his mother who just wanted to help him get to bed. he knew his father wasn't in his right mind because he was drunk. he cried with you again that night.

megumi got used to seeing you hiding your sobs from him. he already saw you cry silently or sometimes you just sit there to stare at nothing. megumi once caught you breathing heavily on the bathroom and there was a blood on the sink. you told him that it was nothing and megumi was just a kid, of course he would believe you that it was just nothing.

but as megumi continues to grow, he's starting to think that his father hates you. he started observing the two of you and there was nothing wrong with your relationship, except when his father is drunk. don't get megumi wrong, he still loves her real mother but you were the one who raised him. he haven't seen his mother once, only in pictures.

"(name)?" you snapped out of your thoughts as you looked from your plate to toji.

"i said i'm sorry." he said.

"it's fine, you were drunk."

"so i did said something, huh." toji cursed under his breath as he heard you laugh.

"don't worry, it's not that deep."

it was. but remembering it will only hurt you more.

you've been having nightmares these days and you don't know if it's a sign for something. every dream you had was weird. there were times where toji would appear in your dreams. sometimes he hates you and sometimes, he loves you that you don't even want to wake up anymore.

you were currently sitting inside a hospital room as choso stood meters away from you.

"are you even taking a rest like i told you to?"

"yes."

"then why is your condition getting worse?" choso's words made you look at him, he was writing something on a paper.

"really?"

"really. (name), i am telling you this now, you'll suffer the consequences if you don't listen to me."

"but i do take rest."

"taking rest isn't enough, you should avoid your heart from getting tired. have you experienced panic attack these past few weeks?"

"n-no."

"you're lying."

"i'm not."

"your husband's worried, you know." you don't know why choso words made your heart clench, but you just hope his words were true.

"really?" you said as if you weren't convinced. choso looks at you and back at the paper as he sighed.

"i'll add another medicine, make sure to take it on time."

"why do we have to do these things?" you said as choso looked up from the paper to you.

"what do you mean?" choso asked as he raised his eyebrow at you.

"i mean, isn't better to just wait until it's over?" choso got silent, clearly surprised at the words you said. you noticed his reaction as you released a nervous laugh. "what am i even saying.." you said as you laughed at yourself.

"are you even hearing yourself?"

"i know what i said, choso. but don't worry, i was just joking."

"not a funny one. you just don't know it (name) but your husband's really worried."

"if you think your words would calm me, it's not working."

"huh?" you stood up from the seat before choso could say something.

"i guess we're already done here?" you said as choso nods.

"(name). take a proper rest."

-

you fell asleep the moment you got home and when you went downstairs, it was messy.

the television was on full volume and megumi was nowhere to be seen. toji was on the kitchen sleeping, there was a consumed bottle of liquor beside him.

"toji." you shake him to wake him up but it didn't work at first try so you did it again.

he was awake all of the sudden as he look around the kitchen. toji was drunk again as you thought of the things that happens every night he came home drunk. you hope he would just stay silent and wouldn't say anything anymore.

"let's get you to bed." you said as you helped him stand up but before you and toji reached the room, you fell on the floor as you entered the room. and the scene was so familiar to you.

"(name)." he called as you snapped out of the memory. "(nameee)." he called again.

"i'm here." you said.

"you're here?" he said as he touched your face as if he doesn't believe you. "you're really here." he said as he smiled and embraced you.

and you, you were taken aback, but you just let him.

"why did you leave me?" he said.

there he goes again.

"hey, look at me." he said as he held your cheeks with his thumb and pointer finger.

why does looking at him hurts.

"don't ever think that i don't love you, okay? i'm so grateful that you're here.." you were waiting for it. for him to call his wife's name but you didn't expect that he'll say yours. "if i started loving you, are you going to stay?" he said and you were speechless. "i'm sick of people leaving me." he mumbled as he embraced you. "i don't want you to leave. i promise, i'll love you like how you want it. i'll do it, i'll move on from her but in exchange, don't ever leave, okay? we'll heal you, you'll be fine."

what was he even talking about? it's not like your leaving or something, right?

you sighed, brushing off his words as you placed him on the bed.

"don't force yourself to love someone, toji. go to sleep, i'll look for megumi."

-

you were about to leave the house as you heard sobs coming from the house. and when you followed the sound, you were surprised to see megumi who tucked himself at a kitchen cabinet.

"mama!" he said as he embraced you.

"megumi, what are you doing inside the cabinet?"

"i'm hiding." he frowned as you wiped his tears.

"from who?" you said with a soft voice to calm him.

"mama.." megumi mumbled as his voice slightly cracked. "papa said you'll leave us."

"he said that?" you said as you kneeled into his level and he nods at your question. "he's lying." you said as megumi sighed in relief and embraced you once again.

"papa said you'll leave just like my real mama." megumi pulled away from the hug as he saw your surprised expression. "it's not true, right? mama."

your forced a smile as you pinched megumi's cheeks.

"of course, mama won't leave. never."

"toji, can you drive megumi to school today?" you muttered as you saw toji who was about to leave the room.

"what was that?" toji asked as he closed the door once again and approached you. you sit up from the bed and your vision started to spin.

"bring megumi to school." you said followed with a small cough.

"yeah sure." he hesitantly said.

"thanks." you mumbled as you lay back down on the bed.

"you okay?" toji asked as you felt him sit on the bed.

"i'm fine, must be a fever." you said but toji wasn't convinced and placed the back of his palm on your forehead to your neck and you were burning. toji was about to say something but he felt your cold hands on his.

"i'm fine, don't worry." you assured him with a smile as you let go of his hand and faced the other side. you were burning but your hands were too cold.

"i'll be back." toji said, immediately leaving the room as you heard the doorknob clicked.

-

toji was back after sending megumi to school. megumi insisted on seeing you before leaving but if he found out you're sick, toji knew megumi wouldn't want to go to school anymore. you weren't in the room when toji entered.

he started looking for you around the house and the kitchen was the last place he expected to see you. he sighed in relief when he saw you sleeping on the table with a glass of water in your right hand. toji's eybrows furrowed as he silently approached you. he can hear your soft snores as he went closer and closer.

"(name)?" he said in a whispered tone and you woke up within a second as you look around.

"oh?" was the only word you let out as you felt toji's hands on your shoulders. "i fell asleep."

"what are you doing here?" he said as you tried to stand up but you failed. you don't have the energy even to stand up.

"i got thirsty but i got tired before i even drink water." you said as you finally drink the glass of water.

"you should see a doctor." toji suggested.

"i'm finee." you said as you let toji guide you back to the room.

slowly, you sit from the bed as toji helped you to lay down. he placed a blanket above your body and went straight to the bathroom inside the room. he went back with a wet towel and a bucket of water as he started wiping your face with it.

"thank you." you whispered, even your throat was hurting. toji didn't respond as he continued on his task and after that, toji took another towel and placed it above your head.

"toji." you called as he stopped at the door he just opened.

'can you stay please?'

how badly you wanted to ask him to stay with you, but the dreams you had before started replaying in your mind. maybe you shouldn't. "it's nothing." you said as you pulled the blanket above your chin.

toji seemed to notice your distress as he silently closed the door and approached you again.

"i will be back. i'll just buy you food." he said as you covered your whole body with the blanket.

"okay." you said and you couldn't stop yourself from smiling.

do you have to be sick for toji to look out for you? maybe being sick is not that bad after all.

toji came back after five minutes, it's not that you're counting though, you were just bored.

"where did you go?" you asked as he sat on the edge of the bed.

"i'll just order, what do you want- i mean, you can't eat anything for now, let's just order a soup." toji looked at you as he heard you laugh at his words.

"there's no need, toji. it's not that hard to cook a soup." you said as you sit up from the bed, only for toji to push you back down on the bed as you let him place the blanket above you.

"don't be stubborn."

"toji, don't tell me you can't cook a soup." you said.

"it's not like that, okay? i just-" he paused for a moment before turning his back on you. "you seemed like you want a some company, that's why i am here." he said.

speechless, that's how you describe yourself now.

"is that so?" you said as you watch him scratch his head.

"i'll do this on my own way, okay?"

"okay. but let me, i know exactly where to order a good soup."

-

"this looks plain as hell." toji said as he opened the soup you ordered.

"but it's delicious, and why are you complaining?" you said as you raised your eyebrow at him. "i'm the one who's gonna eat it, not you!" you exclaimed as toji huffed in response.

toji started pouring the soup on a bowl before placing a chair beside the bed. and for a moment, you look at him and he looks at you.

"it's fine, i can do it myself." you said, trying to reach the bowl on his hand but he moved it slightly away from your reach. he hesitated for a moment before taking the spoon on his finger.

"ahh." he instructed.

"toji, this is embarrassing." you muttered as you move away from the spoon.

"how are you gonna get better if you're being stubborn?"

"just let me!!"

"tch, let me handle this." he said as you, again, tried to take the spoon from him but it was useless so you did what he said as he slowly placed the spoon with soup in your mouth.

it was quiet as toji continues to feed you, until it's the last spoon of the soup, you suddenly let out a cough as the soup dripped from the corner of your mouth and to the duvet.

"oh." you mumbled as toji reached out for the tissues. "sorry." you mumbled as you started to wipe the soup on the blanket and then the corner of your mouth. "we have to change blankets, i guess."

it was too sudden that you didn't have time to process everything when toji leaned close to you. you can feel his hot breath on your cheek as he pressed his lips on the corner of your lips, with him tasting the soup he just fed you.

you were sure you were losing your breath as he pulled away as if nothing happened.

"ah, sorry." he said as if he just didn't kiss you. he started to gather the paper bag of the soup earlier and took the blanket on your hands. "i'll get a new one." he said as he finally left the room.

-

why is he acting so normal when you're there sitting on the bed, trying to calm your speeding heart at the moments earlier.

you cursed under your breath as you hide your face with your palms.

why are you even embarrassed when kissing is normal to a married couple? it was normal but it was unusual for toji to act like that, you haven't even hold hands with him but a kiss? that's way more unexpected.

-

toji gently closed the door of the room as he leaned his weight on it.

"fuck." he muttered as he clutched the blanket on his hand.

seeing you wipe the soup on the blanket with that smile on your face urge toji to do that. he himself didn't expect it too. he cursed once again before proceeding to the task in hand.

-

you were startled when the door opens.

it was toji carrying a new blanket.

"i'll pick up megumi soon." he said.

"what about your work?"

"i took a day off." you hoped he did because you were sick. "you can't be left alone." he said as if he just read your mind.

"oh. thank you."

"not a problem. make sure to do the same when i got sick too." he joked, but it didn't fail to put a smile on your face.

"of course, i would love too! but i'm not saying that i want you to get sick!"

-

"mama!" you can hear megumi's voice from afar as he finally entered your room, throwing his lunchbox bag somewhere as he approached you.

"megumi, don't get to close." you said.

"mama! are you okay?"

"megumi, stop yelling." toji said as he entered the room, picking up megumi's lunchbox bag he threw minutes ago.

"you said mama is not sick!"

"megumi, don't yell at your papa." you said as megumi finally faced you, his face turning into a frown as he faced his father once again.

"i'm sorry, papa." he muttered.

toji was impressed that you could make megumi easily obey you. a thing he couldn't do when megumi was 3 years old.

"come on, change into your home clothes." toji said as he carried megumi like a sack of rice.

"i'll be back, mama!" he said before he and toji disappeared from your view and toji came back after a minute before closing the door with a sigh.

"come and rest." you said as you pat the empty space beside you.

toji sat beside you as the surroundings became quiet. he cleared his throat as he took the plushie megumi bought you and squeezed it.

"i'm sorry." he said.

"why?" you said, completely confused at the apology he just uttered.

"earlier. i didn't mean it."

oh.

"w-well, it's fine." you said as you conceal your stutter with a cough. "it's not like i'm complaining.."

"ha?"

"i mean- don't get the wrong idea!" you said, trying to find the right words. do you say it's okay, i liked it? or it's okay, i enjoyed it? "but.. did you regret it?" you asked, and the tension suddenly became heavy.

he was quiet and must be thinking about it.

"i did-" he paused, and that small pause sure made you nervous. "not?.." toji said in a questioning manner. you felt nervous and relieved at the same time.

"what about you?" he asked and you were more than confident at your answer.

"no. if i'm being honest, i really.. liked it." the last sentence were whispered.

"was that your first kiss?" he asked and you only hummed in response. it was true that toji was your first kiss, even if it was just a peck, his lips still touched yours.

you felt toji shift on the bed as he faced you.

"come closer." he said and you hesitated for a bit as you finally faced him and crawled a bit closer to him.

you were looking anywhere but his eyes as he tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear. and then he's leaning close again.

"tell me to stop and i will." he mumbled, forcing you to look in his dark blue eyes.

"toji, are you sure about this?" you mumbled as you clutched your pajamas under the blanket. "don't do something you'll regret, toji."

he cuts you off by finally kissing you and it wasn't just a peck like you expected it.

he continued and deepened the kiss, until you're laying on the bed and when he finally pulled away, his hands was between your head as you clutch his clothes on his shoulders.

"toji-"

"shh.. i do not regret any of it."

"i need to confine you for 15 days, so i could monitor you properly."

"but i am resting!"

"yes you are, but it's not enough. it's better if it's being observed that you're taking a rest."

"is there another way?" you said as you clutch your phone in your hand. "i actually don't know how to tell my husband." you said as choso looked at you.

"but i already called him. he said he's on his way here."

"huh, what do you mean?" you said, completely surprised that it made you stand up from the chair. "he doesn't even know that i am sick." you said. "choso, i told you to keep it a secret right?"

"i'm sorry, he accused us of having an affair. i needed to." and then there was a knock on the door, and you knew who exactly it is. toji entered the room and you look away from him.

"take a sit, mr. fushiguro." choso said as he instructed him to sit beside you. you weren't looking at him but you can feel toji's burning gaze at you. choso left the room for a moment and being alone with toji became suffocating right now.

you suddenly felt his hand above yours. you thought he would judge or even get mad at you but you but he didn't.

"we'll talk later, okay?" he said as choso finally came back.

-

"15 days? if that's enough. as long as you treat my wife." toji said. he's doing all the talking while you sit there in silence and.. he really did call you his wife.

toji thanked choso after that as he held your hand and pulled you with him. you gave choso a last glance, a glance as if he just betrayed you and he was looking at you with his apologetic gaze, and there, you and toji left the hospital.

"when did you found out?" you asked.

"a few weeks ago. i followed you." toji said as the signal lights turned red and there was a faint sound of music in the background. "why didn't you tell me?" he asked and you hesitated for a moment as you sit up straight on the front seat.

"choso said it wasn't that life threatening, that's why i thought i don't have to tell anyone." you were mumbling that toji almost didn't understand your words.

"not life threatening but now you need to be confined for 15 days?" toji said and you went silent. "do you not trust me?" he suddenly asked and you immediately disagreed at his words.

"no!" you said. "sorry, i just don't want to be a burden and.. i thought you wouldn't care." you said, whispering the last sentence as you wait for his response. and he didn't respond anymore, until both of you reached the house.

"toji, i'm really sorry." you said and he finally looked at you.

"we're in this together, why would you think i wouldn't care?" he asked and you frowned.

"i'm sorry toji. i just didn't have enough courage to tell you because.. it's because of your wife."

"my wife?" he scoffed, raising his eyebrow as you nod.

"i don't know how to tell you because all you could think of is your wife!" you were frantic as you explain, trying not to say the wrong words because it might trigger him in some way as your emotions get the best of you. "i thought you wouldn't care because i'm not her." you said as you look down on the ground, trying to hold the tears that was eager to come out.

"but i do care, this is not about her. this is about you."

"you don't understand it, toji." you said.

"then i apologize if i came of that way, that you thought i wouldn't care because all i think of is my wife." toji said, emphasizing the words with sarcasm. "but you're my wife too, my wife now." he said, the sarcasm dropping on his voice.

"but i'm not the presence you've been wanting for, i know my place, toji. you reminded me a lot of times already." you said.

when did talking about your illness turned into fighting over his deceased wife?

toji sighed at your response and you took a step back when he stepped forward.

"i'm sorry, i want to be alone for now." you mumbled as you went to your shared room.

you and him were fine just last night? what happened now? it was all because of your stubbornness. it was obvious that toji was worried and cares for you but you're pushing him away.

you couldn't help it, you aren't used at him caring for you. you're mistaking his kindness into something, that maybe he's saying all of it out of pity or guilt.

that's right, now you realized why toji was weird the past few weeks. it's because he already found out and he just didn't tell you.

-

toji forced the door open with a key and he saw you sitting at the edge of the bed. you didn't even notice him until he sat beside you.

"i'm sorry." you said at the same time.

"sorry, i involved her again." you said as you felt toji's hand at your back.

"i didn't know you felt that way." he said.

"it's okay. i know how hard it is to move on from someone." you said as you held his free hand. "this will be the last time, toji." you said.

"what do you mean?" he asked.

"i'm not dying." you said with a laugh. "what i mean is this will be the last time i'll involve her. i finally realized it, toji. that no matter what i do, i still couldn't do anything for you to love me the way i love you." toji was about to say something but you cut him off. "but it's fine! like you said, we're married only in papers. i think i'm getting it now."

he was silent and you felt his touch disappear on your back.

"i just want to sort everything out before i stay in the hospital for 15 days." you mumbled as you sighed deeply. "sooo, friends then?" you said, the same exact words he told you before you two got married by force. but you saying it hit something in him, it made his chest ache.

he felt your hand take his and shake it, as if both of you just had an agreement. you didn't even wait for his reply as you finally sit up from the bed and started packing some clothes you'll be needing and he could only watch.

-

"don't worry, it'll only be 15 days. mr. fushiguro can still visit everyday but only around 10 AM to 5 PM." choso said as he glanced at your way.

"choso, did you know there was a theory that being hospitalized will only worsen your state. what if that happens to me?" you said.

"that's a lie, you're here not to worsen your state but to heal you."

"but what if? you know, everything is unexpected."

"why'd you even ask?"

"i don't know. i guess i'm ready?" you said and choso was looking at you with his judging expression. "just kidding." you said as you laugh.

"think of the people who cares for you. be strong for them because they're waiting for you to come home." choso said and megumi was the only person you could think of.

"my son." you said with a smile.

"yes, megumi's waiting for you so stop with your negative thoughts."

"ok, i will."

-

"mama!" your mood shifted as you heard megumi and he finally entered the room.

he was on his school uniform as he approached you, his upper body leaning on the bed as he tried to reach for you. you leaned close to him as megumi's small hands held you by your cheeks.

"mama, why are you here?" he asked as he frowned.

"mama needs to stay here for now but don't worry."

"why?"

"megumi, don't ask too many questions." toji said.

"it's fine." you said.

toji was watching you and his son interact.

megumi was still mad at him but megumi just didn't show you. toji mentally slapped himself as he recalled the happenings yesterday.

it was megumi frantically looking for you around the house.

-

megumi was running around the house as he call for you.

"where's mama?" he asked toji as he pants.

"she'll be staying at the hospital for now." toji said.

"why? is mama sick?" megumi said as he approached his father who's ignoring his question. "papa!"

"megumi, you won't understand. and yes mama is sick. now stop asking."

"why is mama sick!" megumi yelled, asking questions, eager to know the answers.

"she needs her heart to be healed. there, now go to your room megumi, you have school tomorrow."

"heart?" megumi muttered as he forced himself on his father's sight as toji sighed. "it's all your fault!" megumi yelled and toji ignored him. "you always make mama cry! now her heart is sad because of you! you always get mad at mama when you come home drunk!"

"what did you say?" toji said as he held megumi by his shoulders.

"i hate you! i wish it's you in the hospital not mama!" megumi said before he could even realize his words as toji let go of megumi. toji sat back on the couch and megumi ran out of the living room.

megumi cried to his sleep as he craved for your presence.

-

megumi was laying on top of you as you lull him to sleep.

"say sorry to your papa later, okay?" you said as megumi sniffed before nodding.

toji went to buy foods outside as megumi told you everything he said last night.

"it's not your papa's fault why i am here. remember that."

"mama get home soon, okay?"

"of course." you said as you pinch his nose. "stop crying now."

after some minutes, toji finally came back as you and megumi ate the food he bought.

-

megumi sat at the back seat as he hug his knees.

"i'm sorry, papa." he mumbled. "mama told me what i said is bad. i'm sorry." toji kept quiet as he drives.

he carried megumi who fell asleep at the back seat to his room, giving him a kiss on the forehead before leaving.

toji thought megumi was right, that maybe it was better that it was him in the hospital and not you. he didn't want to lose anyone anymore and toji hoped that he isn't too late.

he was blaming himself.

he already considered himself as a curse, because if he started to love someone, something bad will happen to them. worst is they disappear from his life.

is it a right choice to finally love you?

maybe not.

first week of your stay in hospital wasn't that boring as you thought it would be.

toji would visit you at the starting hours and will bring megumi from school at the last hour, though megumi always sleep on top of you since he wanted to be close to you.

toji would sit there in silence as you hum megumi a lullaby he once heard his son humming while doing his assignments.

toji knew megumi were attached to you but he didn't knew he's that attached to the point that megumi always cry every night, looking for you and will end up sleeping beside toji occupying the space you usually lay at.

"mama, i counted and it's 8." megumi said as he sat on the hospital bed beside you.

"that's right, 7 days more and mama can go home."

"but 7 days is too long." megumi said as he frowned.

"it's not if you stop focusing on it."

"okay, i will not!" you and megumi laughed at the same time and he kneeled towards you as he started wiping your under eyes with his thumb.

"mama, are you sleeping enough?" megumi asked.

"i am. it's just so boring here when i'm alone." you said as megumi embraced you.

"don't worry, mama. i will pray so you can go back home."

"thank you, 'gumi."

"mama." megumi whispered after a minute of silence as you hummed in response.

"papa is not sleeping well." megumi said as he look around as if someone was there to listen but it was just you and him since toji left when someone called him.

"why?" you asked.

"papa misses you, mama."

"he does?" you said as megumi frantically nods.

"he said it to me!" megumi exclaimed excitedly.

-

megumi was sitting on the kitchen stool as he stared at the cereal on the table.

he hates cereal, he loves the food you cook for him but since you weren't around, he needed to eat it for now.

"stop crying megumi. she'll be back soon." toji said as he drink his black coffee.

megumi wiped his tears as he sniffed.

"i miss mama." megumi mumbled followed by another sniff and toji sighed as he sat beside his son.

"i miss mama too but don't worry, okay? let's have faith and be strong for her too."

"okay. but papa if mama is back you better not make her heart sad again." megumi said as he waited for his father's response and minutes passed, he noticed his father was spacing out. "papa?"

"oh?" toji snapped out of his thoughts as he smiled at megumi. "of course."

-

"bye bye mama." megumi said as he look away from you and you knew he was holding his tears back.

"come here." you said as he slowly approached you. "don't cry, you'll be back tomorrow, right?" megumi nods as he wiped his eyes with his sleeves. "bye bye." you said as you kissed his forehead before he went back beside toji as he held toji's hand.

you made an eye contact with toji "see you?" you said and he only nod in response.

why are you expecting something when you and toji already settled everything as friends.

toji looked at you for the last time before he and megumi left the room, leaving you alone again.

what are you even expecting? it's not like he would do something.

you just hope that he did something though. maybe a kiss on your forehead? or just a simple words of affirmation, but nevermind.

you sighed as you hug your knees, you should stop thinking about something that'll hurt your own feelings, you didn't want to worsen your state more, do you?

as if it was a coincidence, choso entered the room with papers in his hand.

"hi." you greeted as choso entered the room.

"how are you feeling?"

"nice, i guess?"

"good job, there's a lot of progress." he said.

"wow really?!" you said excitedly.

"yes, you don't have to stay for another 7 days. did your husband left already?"

"they just left."

"call them back so you could finally go home with them."

-

"mama, do you hate papa?" megumi suddenly asked as he looked up at you, both of you laying on the couch with book in your hand.

"why are you asking that question? of course i don't."

"really? but why do you and papa always fight?"

"we aren't fighting, megumi. that nights you saw him getting mad was because he wasn't in his right mind and he was drunk."

"oh, okay." megumi said as he lay down back on your chest as you started playing with his hair again.

"i love your papa so much, 'gumi. more than i love myself." you whispered as you smile.

-

toji is currently helping you with the laundry since he couldn't force you enough to take a rest.

"take a rest." toji said for the nth time as you wait for the laundry to finish.

"i'll just finish this." you said.

toji sighed, another attempt to force you failed and he could only wait for you.

he was getting impatient as he stand just at the door. he couldn't leave you alone, he's worried something might happen if he lose sight of you.

the same lullaby you're humming for megumi can be heard at the background as he watch you attentively.

but a sudden gasp left your mouth, your humming getting interrupted as you felt him hug you from behind.

"just take a rest." toji said.

"i'm almost finished." you said, an unexplainable feeling stirring in your system. it was as if you're uncomfortable at the physical touch he just initiated.

weren't you craving for his touch? now that he did it, why are you complaining?

"come on. i'll finish that. listen to your doctor, will you?" toji said as he held you by the wrist and pulled you going to the room.

"do you know what you'll do?"

"yeah, i do the laundry before." he said.

"okay, let me know if you're done."

-

you've met toji before, back when you were in middle school. maybe he doesn't remember you but you remember him.

that time when someone was making fun of you, he involved himself and protected you. it wasn't really a fight, it was just him pushing them away that made them run away from the scene.

"thank you." you mumbled and when he looked back at you, you noticed a band aid on the side of his mouth that was already red in color. he only looked at you as he walked away. but before he could get away, you held him by his hand. he made an irritated expression that scared you for a moment as you stutter through your words.

"i have a band aid here." you said as you look at each pocket of your clothes until you found it in your hoodie. toji was watching with an unimpressed look as he stand awkwardly. he hissed in pain when you removed the band aid from his lip and replaced it with a new one.

"there." you said. he didn't even thanked you as he left and when toji saw his reflection on a random store, the design of the band aid was really, embarrassing.. a hello kitty design.

-

you were at the middle of college when your parents told you to stop. they had arranged a marriage for you that you didn't even want. you didn't want to stop college, you wanted to be free but they wouldn't let you. when you met your soon to be husband, you thought he was familiar but couldn't place your finger with. you were sure that you saw this man somewhere, you just couldn't recall where.

the scar on the side of his mouth made you curious as you stare at it and it suddenly made toji self-conscious.

"ah this scar?" he said as your eyes shifted from his scar to his eyes. you were on your first 'date' with toji. the one both of your parents said to get to know each other more.

"i got this from abuse." he said straightforwardly as you laugh nervously.

"um.. did it hurt?" you asked.

"no." he said as he placed his hand near his scar and as if something slapped you mentally, toji's current position reminded you of someone. that kid from the playground, the one who defended you from the bullies, the one that you gave the band aid you just bought because you accidentally scraped your knee, but you gave it to him. toji noticed you genuinely smile at him followed with a wholehearted laugh.

"what's wrong?" he asked and you only shake your head in response.

what a coincidence. who would've thought that the kid you kept on searching for, the reason why you stayed at the playground for who knows how long, hoping to see him again was being married to you? what an unexpected turn of your life.

-

getting to know each other means getting to know everything in your life. personal or not. it was as if that 'date' made your heart full and ended up being broken in the end. toji was the kid you've been looking for, for a long time now but then he suddenly told you that he was already married and they had a son together.

he clarified that he only accepted the marriage because he didn't have a choice. he told you he just didn't want to disobey his parents and megumi just need a presence of a mother.

"being friends will do." he said as you hesitantly nod.

-

you didn't even know why you suddenly remembered the past.

"(name), where did you put-" the words died in toji's throat as he opens the door, only to find you standing at one of his drawers, a folder in your hand as you continue to stare at the paper.

the folder was immediately snatched at your hands as toji placed it back on his drawer.

"that's–" you gasped.

"no, listen–" toji mentally cursed himself. he forgot to throw the divorce papers he requested back when it's the first month of your relationship. he forgot to throw it when he was cleaning his drawers the day you were at the hospital

you looked at him, and he hated that look in your face as another curse left his mind. what should he say? how should he explain it.

"well, if that's what you want."

"no." toji said as he moved close to you but your instinct told you to step back and you did. "that was, that wasn't.." he was stuttering through his words as he heard you sigh.

your heart was aching but you have to ease the pain. you didn't want to go back to the hospital again.

"it's fine, toji. you don't have to explain." you said as you sit at the edge of the bed.

"that was before. first month of us being married." toji explained and the small shift of your mood got unnoticed by him.

"is that so?" you said, looking up at him. "maybe i did something you didn't like to ask for divorce papers, huh." you chuckled as you recalled the first month of your marriage. it was megumi finally addressing you as his mother.

toji admitted that day that he didn't want megumi calling you 'mama' but he didn't want to wipe the genuine smile on his son's face so he just let him call you his mother.

"i'm sorry." he said followed by a strong curse.

"why?"

"fuck, i'm sorry. i didn't- that was before. i don't want a divorce now." toji said and the ache in your chest suddenly disappeared as you gave him a teasing grin.

"why? don't tell me mr. fushiguro is finally starting to love me." you joked and it was clearly just a joke, but the tension suddenly changed. he wasn't laughing at your words but was looking straight in your eyes with something in it.

"i'm just joking.." you said as toji finally looked away from you. he couldn't stop cursing mentally. he was lost in his thoughts and didn't feel you moving close to him and when you were about to place a hand on his shoulder, to simply get his attention, he suddenly held you by the wrist.

"toji, what's wrong?" you asked. he started gripping your wrist tightly and both of you were interrupted by the knock on the door.

"papa! lala wants to talk to you on the telephone!" megumi yelled as you look at the door but when you look back at toji, he suddenly leaned close to you, giving your lips a peck, as if it was to reassure you and suddenly he was at the door.

you were frozen in your spot as you watch him close the door, your hand flying to your lips and caress it and instead of an ache, your heart was beating with happiness.

-

it was one of those nights where toji couldn't sleep again. it happens when something is bugging his mind. he was staring at the ceiling with a deadpanned expression and your shifting caught his attention. both of you were surprised when both met each other's eyes.

it suddenly became awkward.

toji sat up from the bed as he leaned his back on the headboard. you stayed at your position as you stare at the ceiling. there are questions that wanted to be answered, but you think staying quiet would be the best option for now.

toji side glanced your figure, and there were space enough for another person to fit. has it always been like this? now toji is sure that it has been always like this.

toji doesn't know what to do as he continuously stare at you until you finally look at him. (his gaze was burning holes into you.)

there, you sat up from the bed too, doing what he did as you cleared your throat to ease some of the awkwardness that was around.

"can't sleep?" he asked.

"yeah, what about you?"

"can't sleep." you chuckled at his response as you bend your knees close to your chest. why is it starting to get cold?

"about the divorce-"

"i already told you that it was before.. i have no intention in pushing the divorce."

"why?" you asked and toji thinks he doesn't even know why. you were itching to know the reason when toji could've pushed through the divorce long ago.

"why? don't tell me mr. fushiguro is finally starting to love me." you recalled those words you said last morning and to your side, it was clearly just a joke so you removed that as one of the reasons why.

"was it because you found out i was sick?"

"no." he felt embarrassed on how quick he disagreed with your question. "i mean-"

"hm, what could be the reason.." you mumbled as if you're talking to yourself and toji couldn't help but observe you.

"it's best if we sleep for now." toji said as you hummed in response and started tucking yourself at the duvet, facing the wall. you weren't even surprised when you felt him pull you close to his chest. it was as if you're expecting him to do that. and he really did and there, you faced him as you wrapped your arms around his figure with your face hiding on his chest. toji inhaled your shampoo as he sighed in satisfaction.

"will this help you to sleep?" you asked as you look up at him. toji looked down at you with that stupid smirk on his face.

"i could ask you the same question." he said as he chuckled when you went back to hide your face on his chest.

"it will." you whispered but toji surely heared it clearly.

"then that goes the same for me."

-

"mama loves to cuddle." megumi said as he looked at toji's plain expression. megumi copied his father's expression after looking away from him, continuing the assignment he was doing.

"that's all?" toji said as megumi scoffed at him.

"you asked me what mama likes the most!" megumi argued as he fully face his father. "that's the most, mama loves cuddles!"

"okay okay, stop yelling." toji said when he heard your footsteps approaching them.

"good morning, mama!" megumi greeted as he ran towards you to hug you.

"good morning, megumi." you said, looking at toji as you nod at him.

"morning." he said as megumi pulled you on the table at the living room, showing his little drawing to you and toji.

"what's that?" you asked as megumi smiled.

"this is mama," megumi said as he pointed at you. "this is papa and this is 'gumi."

oh. it was a family drawing. your heart started beating through your ears as you look at megumi.

"my teacher said our assignment is to draw a family!" megumi exclaimed excitedly as he faced you and toji.

family? could you even consider yourself as one of their family? megumi could've drawn his real mother, why did he have to-

your thoughts were interrupted when you felt a hand on your back. you looked back and saw toji looking at you, it was different, the way his eyes calmed you. you awkwardly smiled at him as he pulled you close to his side while placing his other hand on megumi's shoulder.

"what's this?" toji asked as he pointed at a drawing which is color white and black.

"it's my dream dog! i want white and black." megumi said. your heart was racing as you feel the warmth of toji's palm on your side.

"why is mama carrying a stick?" toji asked as megumi huffed.

"so she can beat you when you hurt her again." megumi said as you laugh, finally joining in their conversation.

"that's cruel, megumi. i couldn't hurt your papa." you didn't even feel when toji already removed his hand on your side as he watch you and megumi, a smile making its way on his face.

-

"there.." you said as you dropped the pencil at the table.

"wow!" megumi exclaimed as you revealed some changes in his drawing.

"what are you holding, mama?" megumi asked.

"roses, mama loves roses." you said as you pat megumi's head.

"oh okay! then 'gumi loves roses too." megumi said as he grinned at you.

"but there are many types of roses." you said as you fixed megumi's disheveled shirt.

"really? what's your favorite among them, mama? megumi asked.

"the purple one!" you said as megumi nods at you.

"why not red, mama? red is famous one right?"

"yes, but i love purple more. because it means love at first sight." you said as you bump megumi's nose with your pointer finger.

you watch him look to the side as you follow his line of sight. he was looking at his father. you forgot that toji was even there as you look away with embarrassment. clearing his throat, toji stood up from the couch as he brushed his hair with his fingers.

"i'm gonna prepare for work." he said before leaving as megumi watch his father disappeared from his sight.

"mama, is papa your love at first sight?" megumi asked when his father wasn't around anymore. you smiled as you recalled the very first day you laid your eyes on him.

"he is." you said with admiration in your tone. "did you know i met your papa when he was a kid?" you said.

"really? what's he like?!" megumi asked with excitement as he leaned close to you.

"hm, he's still the same.. but he saved me from bullies." you said as megumi kept quiet, wanting to know more. "i scraped my knee but i gave my band aid to him because his lips were bleeding."

"is that why papa have a scar?"

"i guess?" you said as you ruffled megumi's hair. "it's just a secret between us, okay?" you whispered as megumi nods at you.

unbeknownst to you, he heard everything you told megumi as he recalled that day where he first got the scar on his lip, that hello kitty band aid. so it was you, huh.

-

toji left after eating breakfast and it was past lunch when you heard a knock on your front door.

but you weren't expecting visitors, who could it be?

you were surprised when you're met with, no one. but there was a bouquet of purple roses on your doorsteps.

you picked it up as you read the note.

'this is for you, i hope you like it.'

you bit your bottom lip to suppress the smile but it couldn't be helped.

you inhaled the scent of the roses as you finally went inside the house.

-

"thank you for the roses, toji." night finally approached as toji looked up from his laptop and to you.

"what roses?" he asked as you look at him in disbelief.

"that- you, weren't you the one-" toji suddenly laughed as he closed his laptop.

"i'm just kidding." he said as you glared at him.

"not funny!" you said, almost embarrassed when you stammered with your words just a minute ago.

"did you like it?" toji asked as he started preparing the duvet.

as if it was already planned, you move close to him as he finally covered both of your bodies with the duvet. "i love it."

toji's arms automatically made its way to wrap securely around you.

"how's your check up with choso?" toji asked as he switched off the lamp.

"he recommended me another medicine."

"huh? why? i thought you're getting better?" toji asked as you silently laugh at him.

"yes i am, it was just a vitamin, i mean."

"ah, is that so?"

"mhm."

"sleepy already?" toji asked in a teasing tone and you only further hide your face on his chest. "goodnight." he mumbled.

"i love you, toji." you mumbled against his chest. "you can say it back when you're ready." you said as you look up at him and toji lightly smiled at you.

"i'm almost there.." he mumbled.

"i can still wait.." you said as you looked at him with glint in your eyes. toji let you kiss him on the lips before you went back on hiding your face. he chuckled as he pulled you closer with his hand behind your head.

it was a random night, a random song that was being played on the radio can be heard as you sit down on the couch of the living room. the lights were all closed, the street light outside being the only source of light inside your home.

toji wasn't home yet and megumi is already sleeping in his room.

your head almost fell on the couch when the click of the door woke you up.

toji sighed as he closed the door.

"i'm home." he muttered, but didn't expect to see you approaching him in the dark.

"welcome back." you greeted as you took his bag on his hand, guiding him on the living room.

"have you eaten?" you asked.

"ye-"

"let's eat together, i'm hungry!" you exclaimed as you held him by his hand, guiding him to the kitchen. well maybe eating dinner for the second time wouldn't hurt. toji thought.

"megumi?" he asked.

"already sleeping." you replied with an almost sleepy voice as toji sighed.

"you didn't have to wait for me." he said as he stand beside your almost sleeping form. "let's get you to bed." toji said and carried you in a bridal style.

"toji.. let's sleep." you said as he unbuttoned his almost tight polo.

"yeah, i'll just changed my clothes."

"hurryy."

"did you drink?" toji asked as he lied beside you.

"no."

"why are you being clingy?" he asked.

"miss you." you mumbled, wrapping your arms on his figure. "did you miss me?" you asked and toji couldn't help but smell you.

you didn't even smell like alcohol.

"i'm not drunk, i'm just sleepy." you said as if you just read his mind.

"alright."

"you didn't answer me yet."

"i did." he said as you squealed in happiness.

"okay, good night. i love you." you mumbled.

toji gaze softened as he pulled you close to his chest.

"good night." i love you too.

-

it was late at night again and toji was still not home. megumi was sent back home by a school bus last afternoon.

you haven't eaten yet. you were waiting for toji so both of you could eat dinner at the same time again and the door clicked as you stood up from the couch.

"i'm home." toji mumbled.

"welcome back!" you exclaimed.

if yesterday you were sleepy, today you have a lot of energy. you took the bag from toji's hand as you walked ahead, only to be pulled back when toji held your wrist, placing a kiss on your forehead as he loosened his tie.

it sure caught you off guard as toji walked past you as if nothing happened.

"well, have you eaten?" you asked, almost stuttering.

"yes." he responded and you mentally frowned.

"okayy." you said as you help him remove his blazer.

"what about you?" he asked, but before you could answer, your stomach growling did it for you. embarrassing.

"well, i guess eating dinner for the second time wouldn't hurt, right?" he said.

-

"hi, welcome back.." you slowly said as you took toji's bag in your hand.

"i'm home." he muttered, walking past you but suddenly he went back and give your forehead a kiss before removing his watch.

"bad day?" you asked, helping him remove his blazer.

"yeah, i think i couldn't eat dinner with you tonight." he said with a frown.

"it's fine! you go and rest." you said, giving him a smile of reassurance.

toji frowned once again when you made your way to the kitchen. you were humming a song but you were stopped when you saw toji sitting at his usual spot. you blinked twice at him as he sighed.

"well, i got hungry." he said, not looking at your way.

"okay! i'll re-heat some more then." you exclaimed with a smile and toji couldn't help but mirror it.

"thank you for the food."

-

another bad day.

you noticed it the moment toji entered the house with a slumped shoulders.

"welcome back." you greeted, doing the same routine.

"i'm home." he responded, hooking an arm around you before placing a kiss on your.. lips? "what's dinner for today?" he asked as he started unbuttoning his polo. "(name)? what's wrong?" he asked.

"w-well, i made your favorite." you stammered as you made your way infront of him, helping him remove his blazer.

toji made his way first at the kitchen, taking a mug from the cabinet and it caught your attention.

"coffee?" you asked as he nods and suddenly, you placed a hand on his back.

"take a seat. i'll make you one." you said.

"i can do it myself."

"just let me take care of this, okay? you're tired from work." you said, turning on your back to make him a black coffee when you suddenly felt his weight behind you.

"thank you." he mumbled before going back to sit and it made you proud of yourself.

-

"welcom-" you were cut off when toji harshly kissed you, his hand flying at the back of your head as he pushed you, until your body collided with a wall. "toji-" you mumbled through his kisses as you pat his shoulder. "can't breathe!" you said as he finally pulled away, with him leaning his forehead on yours as both of you catch your breaths.

"bad day again?" you asked but he only clicked his tongue, continuing his task on you, the food you made being forgotten as he carried you and made his way on the bedroom, and also not forgetting to lock the door.

-

thank goodness it was saturday today.

your whole body was aching and toji was out of sight as you sat up from the bed.

"mama?" megumi's voice can be heard at the door as he knocked three times before opening, only to see you on the ground. "mama!" megumi exclaimed as he approached you. "papa help!" megumi yelled as he struggled to help you stand up.

"megumi look out for the food in the kitchen." toji said as megumi followed what he was instructed.

"it hurts." you said as toji easily carried you, placing you back on the bed.

"guess i went rough last night." he mocked.

"shut up!"

-

"i'm home." toji said as he entered the house. you smiled as you approached him.

"not a bad day anymore?" you joked as he laughed, hooking a hand around you as he placed a kiss on your lips. you were used to it now.

"yeah." he replied as both of you did the usual routine.

after the dinner, you were quiet. it was unusual for you to be silent.

"toji-"

"what's wrong?" he asked, cutting you off. the night you both shared was 2 weeks ago, you were supposed to have your period 2 days ago but none came.

"i'm late." you said, starting to get stressed. "i'm scared, what if i ended up being pregnant-"

"then that's good. megumi will have a playmate. is it not?"

"but-"

"it's okay." he said, taking your hand on his and you were surprised when he removed the wedding ring on your finger, placing a new one. "wear this from now on." he said, placing a new ring with a rare design on it.

"thank you.. i love it but, why?"

"i want to get married again." he said, looking straight in your eyes.

"but we're already married." you said as you frowned.

"but for real this time." he said with a smile. "you know, before, i wasn't-" he paused, he couldn't say it but you already understood what he was saying.

"i understand." you said as you laughed.

"will you marry me again?" he asked and you couldn't contain the big smile that was on your face.

"i would love too!" you said as you embraced him, with him spinning you around.

"i love you (name).. thank you for staying with me and megumi. thank you for not giving up on us.. on me." he said and you couldn't help but tear up.

finally. it's finally happening.

"i love you too." you responded with a shaky voice as he wiped your tears with his thumb before finally connecting his lips with yours.

it was worth all the wait.

[03:26] megumi's soulmate

warnings cursing(?)

other timestamps

"i've just met my soulmate." you sit down at the lunch table with the same three friends you always sit with; kugisaki nobara, yuuji itadori, and megumi fushiguro. your excited smile is wiped off as soon as you realised that none of them had paid attention. "um, excuse me, where is the reaction." as sassy as your remark was, nobara sighed.

"y/n, you tell us this every week, and it's always just some guy you made eye contact with for like fifteen seconds." she wasn't wrong, but you fall easy.

maybe it was your subconscious insecurity, but you enjoyed the fact that every once in a while a stranger you'd meet whilst you did things as mundane as grocery shopping would make eye contact with you longer than intended; thus resulting into a spiral of fantasies where you'd imagine yourself in a relationship with said stranger, only to forget about them a week later like a fleeting memory.

silence falls between the four of you, until you spoke up for a moment, trying to stand your ground, "actually we made eye contact for twenty seconds." it came out as more of a mumble than a speech, causing your friends to burst into a small fit of laughter.

"like that was gonna prove your point l/n-san." yuuji, a trusty friend of yours laughs as he attempts to take a sip from your milk carton. you swat him away, before sticking out your tongue saying how the carton was yours and you spent 150 yen on it.

"you broke bitch." nobara utters snarkily.

"i'm frugal." you enunciate.

the three of them couldn't understand your knack for finding every occasional stranger on the street attractive and then giving them the honour of the title "soulmate" despite meeting them for a second. the only person who could relate with you on this was sadly miwa, but she was barely around for you to be able to converse with in person. thankfully social media exists.

you: miwa chan

you: i made eye contact with someone for like twenty seconds i think its fate

miwa: WERE THEY CUTE

you: i can confirm, they were definitely to our tastes

miwa: YOU SHOULDVE MADE A MOVE

you: NO

after that, you put your phone back in your pocket, ignoring the incessant notificafions of your blue haired friend going wild in your messages.

lunch time finishes, so you, yuuji, nobara and megumi clear up your things for your classes. being the nice friend you were, you offered to take everyone's things for them and throw their rubbish in the bin, only to have megumi help you out as well, saying it's unnecessary for you to be the only person cleaning up.

you throw a gentle smile, "thank you megumi~" you coo lovingly, as he rolls his eyes for the nth time today and you laugh, following after him.

"we're heading off first, we'll see you guys in class!" yuuji waves energetically, as if you'd never notice him bidding his adieu.

cleaning up your hands, you politely give megumi some of your hand sanitizer that's been scented with aloe vera, a fragrance he favours rather greatly and continues to ask for more.

"i'll run out at this point, dipshit." you say, squirting one last portion of the gel as he inhales the scent of his poised hands before breaking out into a fit of coughing. "karma's a bitch megumi kun."

he glares as brings his hands towards your face, trying to get you to eat the aroma of your own sanitizer, "oh yeah?"

your bodies move closer and closer, with you only screeching as his laugh bellows in the empty hallways, arms intertwined comfortably, yet playfully.

"megumi kun! y/n chan! stop canoodling whilst you have your next classes with me, your favourite teacher~" gojo is pouting like a child, yet teases as he watches the two of you act like teenagers in love- never mind.

suddenly, megumi's face is teeming with a shade of crimson and clears his throat as you look down at your feet, a habit you tended to whenever you were flustered.

"sorry sensei, come on megumi." you hold eye contact for a few moments.

just a little longer, he thinks.

and you walk away from him to your class as he watches your back proceed away from him for about thirty seconds.

if you could just turn around.

a/n: i need to stop posting so sporadically

[03:26] megumi's soulmate

warnings cursing(?)

"i've just met my soulmate." you sit down at the lunch table with the same three friends you always sit with; kugisaki nobara, yuuji itadori, and megumi fushiguro. your excited smile is wiped off as soon as you realised that none of them had paid attention. "um, excuse me, where is the reaction." as sassy as your remark was, nobara sighed.

"y/n, you tell us this every week, and it's always just some guy you made eye contact with for like fifteen seconds." she wasn't wrong, but you fall easy.

maybe it was your subconscious insecurity, but you enjoyed the fact that every once in a while a stranger you'd meet whilst you did things as mundane as grocery shopping would make eye contact with you longer than intended; thus resulting into a spiral of fantasies where you'd imagine yourself in a relationship with said stranger, only to forget about them a week later like a fleeting memory.

silence falls between the four of you, until you spoke up for a moment, trying to stand your ground, "actually we made eye contact for twenty seconds." it came out as more of a mumble than a speech, causing your friends to burst into a small fit of laughter.

"like that was gonna prove your point l/n-san." yuuji, a trusty friend of yours laughs as he attempts to take a sip from your milk carton. you swat him away, before sticking out your tongue saying how the carton was yours and you spent 150 yen on it.

"you broke bitch." nobara utters snarkily.

"i'm frugal." you enunciate.

the three of them couldn't understand your knack for finding every occasional stranger on the street attractive and then giving them the honour of the title "soulmate" despite meeting them for a second. the only person who could relate with you on this was sadly miwa, but she was barely around for you to be able to converse with in person. thankfully social media exists.

you: miwa chan

you: i made eye contact with someone for like twenty seconds i think its fate

miwa: WERE THEY CUTE

you: i can confirm, they were definitely to our tastes

miwa: YOU SHOULDVE MADE A MOVE

you: NO

after that, you put your phone back in your pocket, ignoring the incessant notificafions of your blue haired friend going wild in your messages.

lunch time finishes, so you, yuuji, nobara and megumi clear up your things for your classes. being the nice friend you were, you offered to take everyone's things for them and throw their rubbish in the bin, only to have megumi help you out as well, saying it's unnecessary for you to be the only person cleaning up.

you throw a gentle smile, "thank you megumi~" you coo lovingly, as he rolls his eyes for the nth time today and you laugh, following after him.

"we're heading off first, we'll see you guys in class!" yuuji waves energetically, as if you'd never notice him bidding his adieu.

cleaning up your hands, you politely give megumi some of your hand sanitizer that's been scented with aloe vera, a fragrance he favours rather greatly and continues to ask for more.

"i'll run out at this point, dipshit." you say, squirting one last portion of the gel as he inhales the scent of his poised hands before breaking out into a fit of coughing. "karma's a bitch megumi kun."

he glares as brings his hands towards your face, trying to get you to eat the aroma of your own sanitizer, "oh yeah?"

your bodies move closer and closer, with you only screeching as his laugh bellows in the empty hallways, arms intertwined comfortably, yet playfully.

"megumi kun! y/n chan! stop canoodling whilst you have your next classes with me, your favourite teacher~" gojo is pouting like a child, yet teases as he watches the two of you act like teenagers in love- never mind.

suddenly, megumi's face is teeming with a shade of crimson and clears his throat as you look down at your feet, a habit you tended to whenever you were flustered.

"sorry sensei, come on megumi." you hold eye contact for a few moments.

just a little longer, he thinks.

and you walk away from him to your class as he watches your back proceed away from him for about thirty seconds.

if you could just turn around.

a/n: i need to stop posting so sporadically

crooked memory

genre fluff, angst, major character death, mentions of blood

tags gojo satoru x reader, biker!gojo

summary gojo satoru loves you so much.

wc; 1.3k

reblogs would be appreciated, please do not plagiarise my work, or share it on any other social media platform!

you would risk absolutely anything to see your boyfriend — the boyfriend your parents forbade you from dating, the boyfriend everybody told you was a red flag, the boyfriend even you told yourself to not fall for. but god, was satoru gojo irresistable.

the sweetest boy you had ever come to discover in this short life of yours. how the loving words he told you melted off his tongue like honey, how his arms embraced you like a soft blanket, how his eyes were the most alluring sight to fall for. he was dream, and he was yours.

light taps against your window turn your head suddenly, to notice your boyfriend outside your house, looking up at you with another pebble in his hands.

“hi baby!” he cheers, and drops the pebble, beginning to climb his way up to your room as you open your window.

“you’re not supposed to be here, what are you doing?” you walk backwards, letting him into your bedroom.

“i wanted to see you, but your parents won’t let me in.” his smile blinds you, and he closes your window quietly. he takes off his shoes, and crawls into your bed.

“hey, i just changed the sheets, at least wear the sweatpants you left here.” you whine, and open your drawer, taking out his clothes for him to wear.

he smiles at the thought of you having his things, the thought of him being a part of you, everything of him is part of you. he can’t define himself without you. the girl who makes him who he is.

“okay, baby, anything you want.” he gives you a longing kiss, before changing into appropriate clothes.

the two of you curl up in your freshly changed sheets, smelling exactly like you. he lays on your side of the bed, which you allow because you know he loves the smell of your hair on the pillow. you’re facing each other, his hands trailing your face, and yours in his hair, a moment he wishes would never end.

“how’d you get here, i thought your parents weren’t letting you out of the house.” you finally speak.

“i snuck out! i found the keys to my motorbike and just got here.” oh, how this boy would do absolutely anything for you — he was smitten. he would walk naked through a blizzard if it meant getting to you.

you held his entire heart, his entire being belonged to you and you only — and he never forgot to show that. how could he? you consumed his existence, every waking thought of his was devoured by you. a world without you was a world without him.

“what are you gonna do if you get caught?” your eyes widen in panic, excuses of what to say flourish in your mind.

“don’t worry i won’t get caugh-“ the door opens, and satoru sees your parents, seething. he looks on your side of the bed, only to see that you’ve vanished, and reality slaps him in the face.

you’re gone.

“what are you doing here? i thought we told you to never show your face again!” your father lifts the poor boy up by his sweater, the sweater you got him for his birthday, and satoru worries that it’ll tear.

“honey, please let him go, don’t hurt him.” your mother interjects, pulling him away from satoru’s neck, to which he releases a gasp. “you need to leave, sweetheart. you can’t just sneak into our house like this for no reason.” she tries to reassure satoru kindly.

“i came here for y/n.” he feels the tears well up in his eyes, his bottom lip trembles as he tries to conceal the cry for help that’s about to explode on his expression.

“you know damn well she’s not here. and it’s all your fault you fuck-“ your father starts, and your mother places her hand on his chest.

“we know you miss her satoru, we do too. what happened to her was horrible for everyone, but you need to go home, we spoke to your parents, they said you weren’t leaving the house.”

satoru suddenly remembers everything, how he made you sneak out one night with him to go on a motorbike ride, the rides your parents always hated you going on. but you had done it millions of times before then, so you left, helmet in hand.

he remembers everything so clearly, how you begged him to stop going so fast, how it was too scary, and how he laughed and just said to hold on tight. he remembers your arms around his waist, how strong of a grip you had around him — he remembers how cold it was that night, the wind and the rain soaking your outfits. he remembers the oncoming truck and your screams before everything goes dark.

he remembers gaining consciousness shortly after, how your helmet screen is cracked, face bloodied, yet you still tried to reach a hand out towards him. he remembers how you tried to shuffle towards him, and him to you, before you eventually got slower, your arm lowering, and how you laid limp, only a few centimetres before him.

he remembers being in the hospital, waiting for you, asking the doctors, nurses, his family and friends about you, only to get the same answer each time — “she’s resting.” he remembers the day you died, the same day he got discharged from the hospital, and immediately went to visit you.

he remembers hearing the monotonous beep of the machine beside you, and how his world comes crashing down, how he begins to realise it was all his fault. he should’ve never made you sneak out on such a rainy night, he should’ve slowed down when you begged him to, he should’ve just stayed in your room with you that night like he had done before.

he remembers how weeks after your funeral, he got out of bed late at night, and decided to go to your house, your room, and climbing up your house to get into your room, because you had always kept the window open for him. he remembers going into your drawers to get his clothes out, before laying in your bed, muttering to himself, saying your name, calling you baby, all before he had gotten caught by your parents.

“i-i’m sorry, i know it’s my fault, i don’t know what came over me mr and mrs l/n, i’m sorry, i’ll go-“ he breaks out into a violent sob, before getting up and trying to leave through your window, only to be stopped by your father.

“stop.” satoru turns around, with eyes like a puppy. “stay for the night, you can sleep here.” and your father walks off, with your mother following suit, after closing the for satoru, and telling him sweet dreams.

your parents knew how much you loved satoru, how happy he made you, no matter how much of a bad influence he was. they knew how much he brought light to your eyes, how you would rather disappear forever than be in a world without satoru, because he defined you, and a world without him was a world without you. no matter how much your father disapproved of the gojou boy, he knew that satoru was always going to be the one for you, in this life and the next.

satoru sniffles, looking around your room, how cold and empty it felt. even if it was full of memories and photos and posters that represented, the room was shallow, yet so spacious and deep, all because it lacked you. satoru looks at the polaroids of you and your friends taped above your desk, and notices a press dried flower besides it, with a label underneath that wrote “first date with satoru <3”, and satoru breaks all over again. you consumed him, yet you weren’t around, and that was the worst part.

and it’s at this point, satoru absolutely knows for sure, a world without you, is a world without him.

a/n: sorry, kinda bad but i was listening to nomad by clairo on repeat whilst listening to this i think i definitely cldve worded this whole thing better

©️ tora-ken 2024

characters ; megumi fushiguro.

synopsis ; watching movies with megumi fushiguro.

genre ; fluff, angst (a little bit).

word count ; 1.09k.

screams and shouts could be heard from the television in front of you, currently playing a very worldwide popular horror movie. 

megumi—laying there with his hair all disheveled and messy—was unfazed by this movie, watching it with a straight face like it wasn't terrifying at all. you, on the other hand, were hiding under the shared blanket that occupied you both. 

you shivered and trembled under the protection of the comfortable material. but, that just wasn't enough. you could still hear the chuckling of the so-called murderer and the screams of the so-called victims. you were definitely going to have nightmares tonight. 

megumi peeked under the blanket, which you were hiding under. he glanced at your shaking figure, your eyes clenched shut, and your hands holding the blanket ferociously tight; signaling unwanted entry. both of your boyfriend's hands snuck under the blanket, coming closer and closer to your face. they rested on your ears tightly as you put additional pressure onto the only thing that would muffle out the horrendous sounds that were escaping from the television. 

once the scene was over, megumi lightly released the pressure on his hands against your ears, letting them fall between the both of you. resting his hands on your back, he asked, "would you like me to turn it off?" you shook your head. no matter how scary it was, this was the only time that you and megumi could spend some quality time together. 

the other times that you wanted to spend time with your beloved boyfriend were unavailable. he would always take part in dangerous activities that would always end up with him damaged and hurt. 

you didn't want him to do it anymore. you didn't want him to get hurt anymore. you didn't want him to become a sorcerer. but he insisted, for it was the only thing that he could do. 

you accepted his opinion, therefore, he never stopped being a jujutsu sorcerer. 

"are you sure?" the question clapped you out of your thoughts, looking up to megumi with your post-scared eyes. you nodded, "y-yes, i'm sure gumi." he smiled at the nickname, but, at the same time, was worried about your well-being. 

"you sure?" he warned, "once another scene like that comes on i'm not helping you." you scoffed, "megumi, i'm not five." he shrugged and resumed the movie. there was a lot of gore, blood, and a lot of stuff you thought was uncomfortable. but, you wanted to spend time with megumi. you had to do whatever you had to do. 

your shaking began to start again. megumi was too focused on the movie to pay attention to your terror-filled expression. 

chainsaws were going left and right and a large pile of blood filled the screen. you were about to throw up, but you couldn't tell megumi. you were too terrified to even open your mouth—partly scared that you would throw up on him. 

his blank expression averted from the television as he looked down at you. "y/n? are you okay?" he asked in a questionable, but worried, tone. you shook your head. he paused the movie and took you into his grasp, rubbing the small of your back into tight, gentle circles with one hand and resting another hand on the back of your head. 

"you should've told me to turn it off sooner," he said, pressing gentle reassuring kisses on your temple. "i just wanted to spend time with you gumi," you sobbed in his neck, all the fears you had previously coming down like a waterfall. he sighed, "i want to spend time with you too. but, you shouldn't pressure yourself over things you don't want to do." you wiped your tears off with your sleeve, "i just wanted to make you happy. you liked that movie so we watched it together. i just wanted to spend some time with you." you looked at him with teary eyes making megumi go soft. 

he hugged you tightly. tight enough that you wouldn't be able to fade away from him. he didn't want you to become a fading memory—most importantly a distant one. he didn't want you to become a memory that he wouldn't remember. a memory that if he saw you again he wouldn't remember your name. he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. 

of course, being a jujutsu sorcerer comes at a cost. but, before that cost comes, he wants to spend all the time he has with you. 

"you don't need to try so hard to make me happy. i'm already happy being with you." megumi said, as he brought his lips down to yours, kissing you gently. you smiled into the kiss because of his earlier comment. 

"god megumi," you said, wiping the rest of your tears off with your sleeve, "i love you so much." he smirked and planted another kiss on your soft lips, "i love you more, y/n." 

once you two got comfortable again, megumi turned off the horrific movie and started a wholesome one. one that both of you were comfortable with. one that had cute little scenes instead of horrific killer attacks followed by conflicts. 

megumi held you close, your head resting on his chest and eyes becoming foggy from the cries you recently let out. you gently dozed off to his heartbeat as he continued to watch the movie. 

megumi looked down as he moved some of the hair that was covering your face—which he thought was beautiful. he smiled, a gentle smile. a smile of peace and love that he had with you. 

he kissed your cheek as he continued watching the movie. "i love you," he muttered in your ear. you heard it faintly, but you couldn't respond because of the deep slumber you were in. 

of course he loves you, and you love him too. 

a few hours later the movie was over. megumi reached over for the remote and turned off the television. he positioned his head in a more comfortable position, making sure that it wouldn't hurt when he woke up soon. 

the house was quiet, very quiet. he liked it like this. he likes spending time with you without a care in the world. sometimes, he wished that he could spend more time with you like this in a normal world. 

megumi got carried away in his thoughts as he drifted off to sleep too. 

the thud of the remote was the only sound that could be heard in the house, bothered by nothing else but the silent snores of you both. 

a/n ; for god help me please.

OMFG THIS FIC IS SO AMAZINGGGGG

I Got Your Bitch Movin'

part twelve | masterlist | part fourteen

Yuuji Itadori x f!reader x Megumi Fushiguro

Genre: Smut & Angst Notes: University AU, all characters aged up. Megumi is TROUBLE! But we already knew that, didn't we? Warnings: 18+, alcohol consumption, drug consumption, infidelity, gaslighting, manipulation, paranoia. Words: 7.1k

Synopsis: You’ve been dating Yuuji Itadori for nine months. He’s the best boyfriend you’ve ever had, he cares for you deeply and he’s amazing in the sack. When new boy Megumi moves to town and joins your art course, you are shocked to discover he isn’t the quiet introvert you suspected him to be.

The morning greets you as you lay in bed between the deathly limbo of wake and sleep. Your eyes are swollen, bleary. Thoughts aren’t yet yours and you can’t help but wonder if you’re thinking about the dreams of the previous night you had or if you’re starting to regain your own memories. There is a gnawing memory of feeling bitterly cold before you fell asleep. So it’s odd now that daybreak has arrived you’re practically lying in a pool of your own sweat. Your skin is coated and your forehead is drenched. It’s nice to be in Yuuji’s arms again at least. His chest is bare and you’ve never felt so at home with your face nuzzled into his skin. You snuggle in closer and he pulls you in tighter as you decide to go back to sleep. Regardless of your decision, your vision is greedy. You can’t refrain from opening up your eyes and looking at your surroundings. This isn’t your house. You left your house yesterday morning. In the car with Toji and Megumi. You went on a trip with your class. You spent the day with Megumi. You guys missed the bus. You went bowling. You argued. You stayed in the hotel with Megumi. With a racing heart and thrumming bass in your head, you sit upright and turn around. You hadn’t been in the arms of your pink-haired boyfriend. You’re cuddled up with your black-haired bully.

Fuck.

“The hell’s the matter with you?” Megumi asks after you scream the loudest you ever have and scramble out of bed. You fall to the ground and back away from him quickly. He sits up and rubs the sleep out of his eyes. The morning sun creating the perfect shadows on his weary body. He looks like a demon.

The fact that he’s asking what is wrong with you is just like him. Isn’t he surprised that the two of you were all cosy in bed together? He’s always so nonchalant. Your breathing slows as you try and rationalise everything in your mind. By the blaring beat in your brain and the heaviness of your limbs, you deduct that you had been drinking last night. You don’t remember anything. He doesn’t seem hungover. So he’s likely as calm as he is because he does remember the details.

There’s no possible explanation that could justify why you were in bed together.

Let alone while he’s naked.

“Why are you in my bed? Did we—”

“No, we didn’t. And actually, O’Keeffe, you crawled into my bed last night because you were freezing. Nothin’ scandalous.”

“You’re lying, aren’t you? You’re naked under there. Please, Megumi, you need to tell me if I cheated on Yuuji.” you beg, hoping he’ll do the decent thing for once in his life and tell you the truth. He shakes his head, sighing. The duvet is pulled from his body as he reveals his bottom half still in his sweatpants and underwear. “Thank you, God.”

“If you hadn’t noticed, the receptionist wasn’t lying about the weather change for the festival. It’s boiling so I threw my shirt off in the middle of the night.” he tells you. Now it makes sense.

You probably would have been better off sleeping alone if you knew what temperature was going to replace it. Two warm bodies under one blanket was never going to work out well. He kept staring at you; or rather, the state of you. Covered in a gross, sheen layer of stickiness and your messy hair practically glued to your forehead. You watched him roll over and pick up a carton of cigarettes, lighting one up to smoke while he fell further into his bed. A morning ritual, you suspect.

But you’re wrong.

Like every other vice, smoking for Megumi is rare. He does it when he’s worked up about something. In this case, and all other cases as of late, you. The fact that you’re stuck in the middle of nowhere for the foreseeable also isn’t ideal. So what’s a little nicotine to take the edge off?

“You look like shit,” he laughs at your expense, instantly feeling at ease as the cancerous smoke tars his lungs. “I got you a glass of water for the side of your bed, you forgot to bring it over.”

“I’ll be fine after a drink and my aspirin. And… a shower. Maybe more sleep, too.” you inform him. He nods, agreeing, closing his eyes as he lets his cigarette hang between his lips. “What time is it?” you ask him. His eyes open again, unsure if he can be bothered to help you answer that question. But he rolls over again to grab his phone. 7:17am. He tosses his phone away and lies on his stomach with his cigarette holding hand resting above the ashtray on his side table.

You cannot bear the thought of being fully awake at such an ungodly time. It’s enough to make you dive into your own bed and quickly take your painkillers before lying back down. It’s stupid, you know, because really you should be using every second to your advantage to figure out how you’re going to get home. But you aren’t up to it. Tiredness and alcohol rage through your bloodstream and you know it isn’t a good idea to push yourself beyond your limits.

“More sleep… just five more minutes.”

“Fuck that, princess. I’ve set an alarm for 10.” he tells you. You turn over to face him and laugh. It sounds good. It’s still so early, you’ll be able to get plenty of things done if you wake up feeling better at that time. “Gotta call my dad again, and Gojo.”

“WHERE’S GERALD?” you yell sitting upright again as you search under your covers for your brand new shark plush. Megumi grunts and he throws him at you. “Ow.” you instinctively respond as he connects with your head. He is too soft to hurt you, it was just a reflex.

“I’m so fucking tired. You’re such a loud snorer.” he laughs, raising his head slightly to take another drag of his cigarette before he sinks back into his pillow. You roll your eyes, ignoring him. You have absolutely zero desire to waste your time arguing with him about whether or not you snore when there is valuable rest to be gained.

The alarm startles you as it practically screams and stabs through your nervous system. You’re all too familiar with the recognisable iPhone default alarm you’ve been conditioned to hate over the years of early morning classes. It doesn’t scare you as much as it does Megumi, though. The poor guy shocked himself straight out of bed. You can’t help but snigger, trying to keep your volume to a minimum as you roll away and pray he can’t see the smirk forming on your face.

He gets up for the first time that morning. It’s hotter than it was at 7am. The windows need to be open, he decides. The room is stuffy and unbearable. Much like he imagines the rest of today will be if you continue to be stranded.

“Better start making some calls.” Megumi groans.

Neither of you are sure where to start. And you’re beginning to think you’re going to have to swallow your pride and let your parents cover the cost of a cab back home. The idea gets stuck in your throat like a poorly swallowed tablet. You can barely think about it let alone go through with it. You’re sure Megumi will try and force you again, if Toji and Gojo are unreliable for a second day in a row.

It's cute, you think, watching Megumi struggle to choose which dad he wants to call first. Having a little more understanding about his past is giving you the opportunity to really see how much he cares about Toji. He doesn’t like him, not by a long shot. But you can see the obvious love there. The respect. The familial bond that he can’t seem to break no matter how desperately he tries to.

And that is why he calls him first.

It’s uncomfortable to watch the phone ring again and again. You suppose it is still pretty early. You aren’t sure what Toji’s sleeping pattern is like, but he hasn’t let either of you be late to class since you started carpooling. And he always seems fairly chipper in the mornings. It could be a caffeine fix, or something even peppier he might unknowingly share in common with his son. So is sleeping in a valid excuse to not answer the phone? It goes to voicemail, prompting him to try again. He growls when he’s met with the same disappointing outcome.

“Fucker. He’s ignoring me, you try.” he commands. You get up in search of your phone. Who knows where it ended up last night when you were falling all over the place when you returned to the room? It’s eventually found by Megumi when he helps join the search. It was in your pants pocket in the bathroom.

He holds it up and sees your screensaver. You and Yuuji. It makes him scowl and sigh before he tosses it to you. His box of cigarettes begins calling his name. You watch him flop back onto his bed and light another one up. He doesn’t know why he’s so irrationally angry. He doesn’t know what’s causing him to chain smoke like a damn chimney when it’s usually just an occasional pleasure. The edge needs to be taken off somehow, and he doesn’t think he can be bothered to make you cry this early in the day.

“He’s not ignoring you. No answer to me either, must be busy.” you tell him as you press the red button and put your phone down on the side table. You see Megumi start to type so quickly his thumbs become a blur. Likely scolding Toji for being a piece of shit father, as usual.

“Shady prick,” he mutters under his breath. You decide to let it slide and ignore the comment. There’s nothing you can say to make him see the good in his dad. The truth of it is that maybe you need to start truly seeing the bad. It’s in the flesh sharing a room with you right now, the bad. The monster that Toji spawned and couldn’t raise efficiently. He might be sweet to you, but if he can’t be sweet to his own kids it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t make him a good person, the opposite, really. “Whatever you’re thinking about, stop. No need to pout, I’ll try Gojo.”

You watch his finger swipe through his hundreds of contacts as he tries to locate the relevant name. It makes you feel like a voyeur, seeing him do something so simple and human as looking for people to call. Part of you wishes you could see his screen. Is his surrogate father named in his contacts as Gojo or dad? Or maybe something different entirely, something derogatory to fit with the playfulness of Satoru.

“Megumi! Sorry about yesterday bud, I hope you and the future Mrs. Itadori behaved yourselves. Two crazy kids sharing a hotel room, hah? Sounds like a bad soap opera.” his voice instantly grates on you and Megumi regrets putting him on loudspeaker for you both to hear. You both groan loud enough for Gojo to hear and make him laugh.

“Separate beds, Gojo. And you’re on speaker so try to act your age for once in your life.” Megumi reprimands him as if he is the parent in the situation. It takes Gojo aback slightly, but nothing to knock his trademark annoying confidence off track. “My dad isn’t answering his phone, so, you’ll have to come pick us up today.”

“As much as I love your delightful manners, I can’t. And I must say Megumi it sure sounds weird to hear you call him dad for a change. It’s always been Toji for so long, what’s changed?”

“Slip of the tongue.” Megumi answers, immediately. You can’t tell if it’s guilt or embarrassment that has led him to correct himself to Gojo so hastily.

“You know, certain people can evoke special feelings in you. A challenging presence can make you see the good in the world and other people. Although Toji and I will never get along, I think it’s nice to hear you’re in a forgiving spirit and trying to make it work even after so many disappointments.”

“I don’t know what you’re getting at.”

“I’ll admit, it hurts a little. A man who barely raised you earns the title of dad but I’m just plain ol’ Gojo.”

“I’m not having this conversation over the phone, or ever, actually. What time are you coming to get us?” Megumi puts an end to the uncomfortable conversation you almost wish you hadn’t been present for. But overall, you’re glad. Hearing him be somewhat normal with someone as goofy as Gojo is heart warming to say the least. Perhaps there is some humanity in the monster born of Toji Fushiguro, after all.

“Call me dad and I’ll tell you.”

“No.”

“Alright, fine. I’m still out of town so it’ll have to be tomorrow.” Gojo sighs. It’s a crushing blow and you can’t tell who out of the three of you is more disappointed. Another day stuck in the hotel with Megumi. Admittedly it hadn’t been as bad as you were expecting thus far. But there’s still time. And Megumi is flippant, fickle. His mood and aggression towards you can change in the blink of an eye.

“You have got to be fucking kidding me. We’re out of town! What’s so important that you can’t drive a few extra hours to collect your stranded kid and a girl?” Megumi bites down the line. You sigh, huffing a strand of hair out of your face as you realise what you are to him. All you are to him is a girl. Not his victim. Not his classmate. A girl.

“Oh now you’re my kid, huh? Interesting. Doesn’t change anything though. I’m way out of town. As in I’m setting off tonight and I’ll be there in the morning to get you guys.”

“Hi, Gojo, it’s me. Obviously. I was just wondering what’s keeping you from setting off now and getting us tonight. I’m sure you can imagine how uncomfortable it is for me to be sharing a room with another man, a man who bullies me on a daily basis. And for Megumi to be sharing a room with… a girl, he loathes.” you speak up, Megumi rolls his eyes at your comment and opts to ignore you. He’s more intrigued to hear what Gojo has to say over putting you in your place.

“I doubt Megumi will be interested in the gory details but a man has needs. The needs just so happened to take me on a wild road trip and more attention gained than intended, not that I’m complaining.”

“Enough. Fine, Gojo. One more night but if you don’t show tomorrow we’re fucking done. Tomorrow morning, I mean it. Get us the hell out of here.” Megumi tells him sternly. You know he has the power to follow through on his words. And yet, you’re unsure if he’ll change his mind when it comes to Gojo.

“Don’t worry, Megumi. There’s only one father figure in your life who’s usually a no show, and we both know it isn’t me.”

The sound of Gojo hanging up the phone is almost eerie. A damaging melody that pricks through your veins. Megumi is visibly irritated, you’d be a fool not to see it. But it’s only because he knows he’s right. Gojo has never let him down in his life. Toji, on the other hand, only seems to let him down. It’s a bothersome truth that makes his hands begin to shake as he grips his thighs. If he wasn’t so volatile at all times, you’d comfort him. Rush to his side and take his hands in yours and tell him it’s going to be okay.

But you can’t.

Instead, you get out of bed and stand to your feet.

“I’m going in the shower,” you tell him. He watches you walk around your bed and head towards the bathroom door.

“Wait,” he speaks, forcing you to halt your actions and wait for him to continue. “I think we should go buy some festival clothes, today.”

“Why?”

“Are you dense? So we can go to the festival, obviously.”

“I keep getting into trouble when I do things with you. I don’t think it’s a good idea… I mean, you go. Call that girl and take her instead. I’ll just hang out here and work on my dissertation or something.”

“Shut up you’re not doing that. You don’t get into trouble with me because you’re a fucking angel. You live to please everyone and be a good girl, don’t you? It’s not trouble, it’s fun. Don’t you wanna have fun? It’ll be the first time in your whole life, I’m sure.”

“See, this, is not going to work. I’ve had fun but you wouldn’t know that because you, well, you know what you are. So you’re not going to manipulate me with your little mind games into thinking I need to prove myself to you. I don’t. Now, if you don’t mind. I’d quite like to shower.”

“Fine, if that’s how you want to be. I’ll call that girl right now and go with her instead.”

“Great.”

“Yeah, great. Gonna have fun and I’ll probably bring her back here and have even more fun. You might want to figure out somewhere else to be tonight.”

His words grab your attention and he smirks at the way you pout. He promised. Even though you gave him the idea to call up the girl from the store you didn’t think he’d take it as far as to threaten to bring her back here. It’s your own fault, really, for thinking a single word that left his lips held any value.

“Don’t, you said—”

“I said? I said I wanna have fun today, so if you aren’t on board I’ll make my own fun. You’re not gettin’ in the way of my good time and if that involves me bringing a girl back to fuck, you aren’t going to stop me.” there he is. The real him. He’s such a bastard you can’t even think straight as you consider what an idiot you are time and time again. Each time there is a shred of decency in him it’s torn away moments later. A speckle of humanity replaced by a plume of toxic smoke.

“Shopping… sounds good. I’ll never turn down new clothes. So, lets have… fun.”

“Atta girl, that’s more like it.” Megumi snarls. “Hurry up O’Keeffe. Wastin’ precious time here. Gonna make today one to remember.”

No one brings out a worse side of you than Megumi Fushiguro. He’s seen you at your angriest and saddest. But for some reason his intentions have blossomed into something even more sinister, although it might not seem as such to your untrained eyes. He just wants to have fun, you think. He does, but there is a brand new goal in mind. The purity emanating off of you is just so sickening to him. Why have you got such a wholesome aura about you when he is completely and utterly rotten to the core?

Corruption.

That’s his new plan. You were closer to the truth than you knew when you accused him of getting you into trouble. Was it wrong of him to lie? Was it wrong of him to gaslight you and make you think that wasn’t anywhere near his intention? Of course. But Megumi Fushiguro rarely gives a fuck about what is right and wrong.

He has always wanted to ruin you. The method in how has grown into something new. Easier, he suspects. There is so much trouble he can really get you into. Ruin that perfect, sweet image you try so desperately to maintain whenever you can. He’s had enough of it. What is there to enjoy about being the way everyone wants you to be? There’s a little devil in you, he’s certain. He’s going to do everything in his power to force it out of you.

You don’t object when he suggests waiting outside of your changing room to confer with you about your outfit choices. He’s never felt like this before. A rich kid. Admittedly, the store isn’t expensive and the clothes aren’t designer. But being with you and seeing how willing you are to blow money from your parents credit card on whatever you want is making him feel like a cliché. He wasn’t rich growing up. Toji figures throwing money at the problem that is his son is as good a way as any to earn forgiveness. Megumi wasn’t about to object to that.

Each time you step out of the changing room there’s only one word permeating his sealed lips.

Skimpier

Skimpier

Skimpier

It’s the only thing he wants to say, but you both know he’s smarter than that. He manages to put a unique spin on the word and translate it into something more innocent. Something that will actually encourage you to obey without knowing he’s manipulating you. He hasn’t earnt that right yet. Despite having a good familiarity in such a short period of time on how to handle you, he isn’t quite where he needs to be with you yet.

Skimpier = I’m sure you can do better than that.

Skimpier = I like it, but I think the other girls here will go all out.

Skimpier = The colour is nice, but, do you really want to be shown up by me?

He’s finally satisfied when you emerge one last time from behind the curtain. It’s obvious you feel a little self conscious, though he’s confident a few compliments will get you out of your shell. You’re substantially taller than usual given your white, lace up, platform boots you’re wearing. It’s embarrassing to stand in front of Megumi in so little clothing. You’re essentially in a bra and panties. It’s more like a bikini, really, purple holographic material covering your intimate flesh. You found a pair of gem studded, white, fishnet tights to wear with it as well as a purple tutu. The tutu somehow makes you look even sluttier despite it adding an additional layer.

“Perfect,” Megumi grins, “Excuse me, miss? Do you have any accessories for the festival that might go with my friends outfit?” he asks. The girl turns around and your blood runs cold when you realise it’s the girl he gave his number to yesterday. She simply scoffs and barges by one of her co-workers who looks at her incredulously. She apologises on her behalf and picks up some purple butterfly hairclips for you to wear.

“I see people wear pigtails with these clips if that helps.” the assistant tells you. Megumi raises his eyebrows and nods thinking it’s a great idea. There’s something about pigtails that for whatever reason drive him wild. Maybe it’s the idiotic innocence of them. Grown women donning them in an attempt to look youthful and instead look like cock-hungry whores. There is something thrilling about the prospect of making you go off the rails and become a totally new person before Yuuji comes back from his trip.

He might not even recognise you.

“I’m not sure about this, Megumi.” you admit. He squints his eyes hoping it comes across as thoughts rather than disdain, urging you to continue. “What are you wearing?”

“Why tell you when I can show you?” Megumi grins as he steps into the changing room beside you.

You are standing for a good five minutes before you decide to steal the seat he had been sitting in. Whatever he’s picked must have a lot of accessories for him to be taking this long for him to be fully dressed. Even the sales assistant tries to keep you entertained with idle chit chat as you wait.

He emerges and you are almost lost for words. A lot of accessories was right. He’s wearing ridiculous flared blue jeans and has decided to go shirtless. You had no idea what kind of body he’d been hiding beneath his clothes the entire time but you definitely weren’t expecting him to be so fucking defined. In fact, he has a similar body type to Yuuji. The reason he had taken so fucking long to get dressed is because he was covering his arms in plastic kandi bracelets. He also had a few matching necklaces on him and he is sucking on a strawberry lollipop as he leaned against the changing room door.

“Oh my… you look like a—”

“A what?”

“A slut, Megumi. You look, hah, you look like a total slut!”

“Perfect, so we match. Exactly what I wanted.” he teases back as he goes back to sucking on the lollipop. He reaches into the pocket of his new jeans and tosses another one at you.

“The fashion here is wild,” you say as you begin unwrapping the plastic packaging on your lolly, “is it a town choice or just for the festival? It’s very rave-y.” you ask the clerk. She nods, completely agreeing with you as soon as the words leave your mouth.

“Yeah, um, to be honest a lot of people are against the festival now. It started as quite a sweet wholesome event but it’s turned into a more youth focused event. An excuse to get drunk and mess around, really. So yeah, it’s pretty much a big rave nowadays.” she explains.

Your eyes find Megumi’s and he’s immediately raising his eyebrows in quick succession when they meet. Trouble. You know it and he knows it. But, as she said, this is a youth focused event. Megumi and yourself definitely qualify. He holds out his hand for you to shake; an agreement under the phrase ‘I’ll wear mine if you wear yours’. And honestly, you don’t see the harm if you both look so stupid.

The pair of you receive an array of disapproving looks as you sit and wiggle on the check out desks while the cashiers scan the items you’re wearing. You don’t particularly feel proud that you raise your leg for the man to scan your boots and more or less flash him your new bikini bottoms. Megumi spends far too long getting each individual bracelet and necklace scanned. But by the end of it all, they aren’t disappointed when you give them each a hefty tip courtesy of your credit cards.

“You’re dumb with money.” Megumi tells you.

“Look who’s talking!”

“You’ve always had money, but you’re still a little shopping addict. It’s new to me, I’m having fun.”

“Well I’m trying to have fun too. Wasn’t that what you wanted today?”

“You got me there,” he chuckles to himself. “I was thinking of something else fun we could do.”

Before you can answer, he’s pulling you into a fast food restaurant and holding your hand as the two of you run upstairs. He scans the area to make sure no one is around and drags you into the toilets. He shoves you against the sinks and lifts you up onto the edge. Your heart is pounding. It’s intense and heated and you feel like you’re being manhandled by Yuuji when he’s worked up after a shitty day at university. You wonder if he’s thinking about when he pressed his lips against yours at your parents house. He wonders if you’re thinking the same. Your chest is heaving and your eyes are vibrating. He watches as your vision alternates between his eyes and his mouth. Your mind is spinning and you’re under the weight of too many heavy emotions you can’t think straight. But despite all of that, you wouldn’t do this to Yuuji, would you?

He helps answer the question as he backs away from you a little and pulls his wallet out of his back pocket. You’re starting to worry he’s about to pull a condom out. But it turns out to be worse than that.

“This is fun.” he tells you, dangling a bag of cocaine in front of your face. He laughs at the slither of saliva that bulges down your throat as you gulp heartily. He knows you’ve never done drugs before. Other than when he spiked you, obviously. He could have laced the coke with anything. He’s playing the long game with you, you think. You shake your head, telling him you want nothing to do with the white powder.

“I don’t feel comfortable doing that, with you.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m fucking scared. Of drugs and you. I don’t know where I stand with you Megumi and I am too naïve and trusting to keep falling for your little tricks and schemes.”

“You think I did something to this?”

“I—”

“C’mere,” he mutters. He shoves your torso back until your head hits off the mirrored wall behind you. You gasp as he pries your knees apart, opening your legs. You quickly slam them shut but it’s a waste of time. He opens them again and gives you a warning look. “Hold still, and watch.” he commands.

He tips some of the coke onto your thigh and uses his pinkie finger to move it into a straight line. You look at him intently as he holds his right nostril with a finger and lowers his face down to the drug on your leg. It’s impossible not to stare as a raven head of hair moves further up your thigh and towards your cunt. He tilts his head, insisting that you hold eye contact with him as he consumes every last speck of coke onto his tongue.

You’re breathless by the end of it. But it isn’t the end. He shoves his little finger into your mouth to lick the remaining residue off him. He’s proven it isn’t laced, at least. Still though, there’s no fucking reason that you needed to obey. A fucking people pleaser through and through.

“Good girl,” he praises and coos as you hum around his finger, “it’s good, isn’t it? Wanna try it properly?” he asks. You’re hesitant. You know it isn’t right. You know Toji will kick his ass when he finds out he even suggested it let alone pressured you into it. But what can you say? You succumb to his will, nodding meekly and agreeing to his ridiculous stupid idea.

“How do I— I’ve changed my mind this is stupid. I feel stupid. Fuck, Megumi, I really hate you. You’re making me feel like a fucking loser as if it’s cool to do drugs, it isn’t. I don’t—”

“Hey, hey. It’s alright, I know it’s your first time I don’t think you’re stupid. ‘m gonna pour it out. I think you should lick it up instead of snorting it like me, don’t think you’ll like it.” his words soothe you a little and your fucking fluttering eyelashes are the picture of perfect innocence. God he’s excited to see what a mess you’ll be when you’re high together. He helps you down off the sink and trades places with you. He pulls his necklaces over his head and puts them down before leaning backwards and dusting coke between his pecks. “Use your tongue.” he instructs.

You reluctantly lean closer to him and stick your tongue out. Your big eyes are looking up at him for guidance, like he’s some kind of expert. To you, he is. He nods, spurring you on. Finally your tongue connects with his body. His eyelids shake a little as he tries to concentrate on keeping them open. You got a little further than you’re meant to, finishing off by lightly kissing his collarbone. He teased you, it’s only fair that you tease him back.

“I’ll be okay, won’t I?” you ask him. He jumps down and holds your shoulders, bending over a little so he can look directly into your eyes.

“You’re gonna fuckin’ fly, babe.”

He wasn’t wrong. You practically ran from the bathroom all of the way to the parade together. The pair of you were laughing the entire way, not quite sure what was so funny. You ordered a few shots of vodka together to enjoy while you waited for the floats to come down the street.

The atmosphere was surreal. Mostly teenagers and people in their early twenties standing in the streets dancing to the head hammering techno music that was drilling into your heads. Once you got bored of shots you moved onto jäger bombs, and by the time you got good and drunk your high wore off.

It didn’t stop either of you from having a good time though. You interacted with a few other party goers and didn’t bother to learn each other’s names. The music and good times were enough for all of you. You aren’t sure what came over you, but you decided to join the parade. You ran into the road and began dancing. Eventually, you were invited to dance atop one of the floats.

Megumi’s stomach was hurting from laughing as he watched you shake your ass and dance with the other girls on the float. If either of you were in your right minds, you’d likely be discussing how unbelievable it is that such a tiny coastal town has such a huge festival every year. It’s a tourist attraction now, you suppose, a lot of other people are from out of town like yourselves. Hence the fully booked hotels and the droves of people equally as intoxicated and high on life.

Megumi walks alongside the parade float, making sure not to lose you. You point him out to the girls you’re dancing with, each of them having no shame in telling you what a handsome boyfriend you have. He doesn’t hear them say it. And for once, you hold your tongue. You aren’t sure why you aren’t objecting to him being your boyfriend like you normally do. Maybe it’s because you’re drunk or because he’s actually being nice to you and taking care of you for a change. Maybe under the influence he has more potential as boyfriend material that you’d ever dare admit sober.

The sky is changing from bright blue the burning orange and pink before your eyes. You decide you’ve had enough of dancing and ask Megumi to help you down. He looks so different under such a romantic sky. The warm colours adding life to his pale face. He is handsome, the girls weren’t wrong. His problem is that he has such an ugly soul. And yet, this weekend, you think there’s a chance such a horrid interior could be fixed.

He pulls you back into the crowd and over to the outdoor bar for more shots. The two of you are disappointed when you’re told the bar is closing for the day. How are you supposed to carry on getting black out drunk now?

“The party is raging on by the beach, friends. Fire pit, tiki bar, dance floors. Start heading down and you’ll find what you’re looking for.” the stereotypical surfer dude bartender informs you both. Megumi thanks him and takes your hand to guide you down to the beach.

It’s like a hive-mind as everyone has the same idea. Everyone walking in unison down to the beach to get served and continue the evening. You make it there fairly ahead of everyone else, but thankfully there’s a multitude of tiki bars set up to serve people their alcohol. Once you ingest another five vodka shots, this time with gummy bears, you head over to one of the dance floors.

You and Megumi stand apart as you dance on your own but watch each other’s moves. He’s impressed by the way you shake your hips and drop it low, the lack of confidence in your outfit seeming to now be a thing of the past as you parade yourself around as if you own the place. You watch him pause for a moment, snacking on one of his bracelets.

“I didn’t know they were edible!” you yell at him. He nods, pulling you nearer to him by your wrist and holding his arm up to you. Like him, you begin to nibble on the candy as you both simply change which foot your putting the most pressure on in time with the music.

“I think I want to have some more fun,” he tells you. You watch him pull his wallet out of his back pocket again and you assume he’s searching for more coke. You’re a little surprised when you see him take out a little yellow pill with a smiley face on it. He settles it on his tongue and sticks it out at you before swallowing.

“W-What was, ‘sat?” you slur, curious about what he just ingested.

“E, baby,” he tells you. “wanna try?” he cranes his head to line his mouth up with your ear, shouting so that you can hear him over the boisterously loud music.

Well, if he is having some, you have to follow suit. You’re matching his amount of drinks and drug consumption so far. You can’t let yourself down and fall behind now. At least – that is the rationale your drunken and dissolving mind is coming up with. You nod and squint your eyes at him. Like it’s obvious that you want a try. He takes another pill from his wallet. This time it’s pink with a little heart in the centre. He puts it on his tongue and sticks it out for you to take. You hold out your hand, hoping he will put it there instead, but he doesn’t budge.

“Give it to me.” you order, but he shakes his head.

“’ake it.” he replies, speaking as best he can with the pill comfortably on his tongue. You reach your fingers up to grab it but it quickly withdraws into his mouth. You repeat this another three times before you huff in annoyance and exhaustion. He sticks his tongue out even further, wiggling it around like you’re a horse with a carrot dangling in front of your face.

And you’re a fool, because you submit. You lean forward and he catches your hips in his hands as your lips make contact with his. He pushes the ecstasy pill from his tongue to yours and it practically slides down your throat. That should have been the end of it. But of course, it wasn’t. You can justify it all you like by telling yourself you’re drunk. You aren’t in your right mind and God dammit you’re missing Yuuji. But those are just excuses. They aren’t valid. Because unlike at your parents manor, you aren’t pushing him away. You’re melting into him. He pulls your body flush against his and you wrap your arms around his neck. Your tongues are so soft against one another as they dance together and you have no idea why but you start smiling into it.

Probably the drugs.

He laughs into your mouth when he feels your smile, pulling away and kissing your forehead. You’re feeling the music more than you had been. More than you ever have in your life. You feel him spin you around so your back is to his chest. His arms are tight around you as you sway in time with the music. He rests his head on top of yours and can feel his jaw tightening and moving.

You push off of him a little and begin grind your ass against him. His arm comes over your shoulder and you feel his fingers trace delicately atop your breast. It doesn’t bother you, though. You don’t stop dancing or moving on him. It makes you laugh when you remember how hard he was last night just when you were laying in bed together. You’re fully rubbing onto him now and you can only imagine how hard he’s trying to stop himself from getting an erection.

You have no idea.

Similarly to Megumi, your jaw begins to clench and swing as the effects of the E start coming over you more. Megumi thinks he’s in love with you, whispering it every chance he gets into your hair. You don’t pay it any mind, though, knowing you’ll both have forgotten about it come morning. Maybe the pills make him happier, nicer. He feels an intense desire to be lovely. Positively overwhelmed with an dire need the show anyone who’ll listen to him how much he loves them. He even catches eyes with the bartender for a moment and considers telling him how much he loves him.

You feel paranoid when you can’t control how your jaw is aching and moving on it’s own. All eyes are on you, you think, as you look stupid and can’t get a hold of what your face is doing. Why is everyone looking at you? Tears begin to free fall. It’s not supposed to be like this. You’re meant to be happy. To be in ecstasy. You’re panicking. It’s too much. It’s too fucking much.

“Megumi—” you turn, facing him and allowing him to see how blown to hell your pupils are and how watery your eyes and cheeks are.

“Woah, what happened?” he asks, cupping your face and wiping your tears with his thumbs.

“I wanna go, I wanna go please. I can’t. Megumi I can’t—”

“Yeah, fuck. Okay.” he tells you.

Soon enough he’s holding your hand tight as he wades through the crowds of people. He keeps looking back to make sure you’re alright, his heart breaking a little each time he sees you sniffle or do a little hiccupping sob. He isn’t sure if it would be a better idea to walk to the hotel or try and get a taxi. It isn’t too far, he’s sure you’ll manage. It’s a miracle you aren’t both frozen over like Jack Nicholson in the end of The Shining. You aren’t exactly dressed well for the chill bite of the night time air. You don’t think either of you could have chosen skimpier clothing if you tried.

“Take me home, Megumi—”

“I will, sweetheart, ‘m gonna get us home. Love you baby, alright? We’ll be home real soon.”

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*somewhere in an aquarium*

You: woah…

Megumi: do you think they’re harmful?

You: idk, let’s find out…

Megumi: what are you doing?

You: what?

Megumi: why are you touching my hair?

You: you wanted to know if they’re harmful…

Megumi: I meant the sea urchins not my hair!

You: what’s the difference…

Megumi:….( T_T)

don’t disturb megumi he’s in his emo hours (´༎ຶོρ༎ຶོ`)

Y’all should consider following me, if you want. I post cool content :)

Have a good day/night U^ェ^U

You: Megumi?

Megumi: hmmm?

You: do you like elephant seals?

Megumi: nah, not really

Megumi: why?

You: so if I was an elephant seal, you wouldn’t love me? You’re such an assh☻le !

Megumi: are you been serious?

You: of course I am! You know what?! Don’t talk to me!

*5 days later*

Yuji: that’s why you guys haven’t talked or seen each other?

Megumi: yeah

*3am in the night wide awake*

You: Psss, Megumi? *nudges him* Hey, sea urchin head *whispers*

Megumi: Mmm? What? *rubs his eyes* what is it, are you okay?

You: Yeah, I’m good…

Megumi: …then why did you wake me up? *overall confused and annoyed*

You: *sits up and crosses arms* why haven’t you drop the mascara brand name?

Megumi: *sits up as well and looks dead into your eyes* …hmmm, I don’t know…maybe if you weren’t so god damn annoying…maybe then I would’ve considered giving you the name of it…*smiles and snuggles himself back to sleep*

You: *completely shocked* …wow, just wow

Megumi: *mumbles* shut up and go to sleep…*pulls your arm towards him and cuddles close to you* p.s. I don’t wear mascara. I was just gifted with beautiful long lashes, thanks to my parents. *mockingly says*

You: Pft, whatever

Megumi: …so you’re still not gonna talk to me?

You: *looks at him and rolls eyes*

Megumi: ughhhhhh!!! Fine, you win!!!

You: *arches brow in confusion*

Megumi: …shit, I suck at apologizes, so…..unfuck you or whatever…idk, just talk to me; please (T . T)

You: *smiles and giggles softly* hahahaha, you’re such a d♡ck…. *pulls him in for a hug*

Megumi: *hugs you tightly and inhales your sweet aroma* I am a d♡ck.