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He Was A Hero

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Febuwhump Prompt - I dreamt you were alive

Prompt - ‘He's a hero and one day it's going to kill him because his heart is too big, and he carries it in his hands, and no one can hold up the sky forever.’

No day was ever easy, not one day passed when you didn’t mourn those you’d lost, those who had been snapped away. Today was a bad day, today the weight of Peter being gone was weighing down painfully on you, it made it harder to breathe and all you wanted to do was stay in bed and hide away.

You dad stood in the doorway, arms crossed as he bit his lip. Tony knew just how you were feeling, that day on Titan replayed in his head every single day, watching as Peter turned to dust in his arms…no words could describe that feeling. Then he’d gotten home, barely, and the knot in his chest loosened, only slightly, as he saw you alive. He bundled you up in his arms and listened to you sob about how you thought he had died.

Then he had to tell you about Peter.

He watched as your eyes widened in disbelief as you let out a huff of laughter, shaking your head as you did. You told him Peter wasn’t dead, told him he wasn’t funny but Tony just looked at you sadly and you froze, tears running down your cheeks as you continued to shake your head, refusing to believe it but the sobs left your lips and you all but collapsed into his arms. The silence was the worst for him though, watching as you became a shell of yourself.

Eventually everybody settled into the new world but that didn’t mean the pain lessened, it just became a part of them.

“Hey baby,” Tony said from his spot against the door frame, he watched as you sniffed and shifted towards him, smiling shakily at him. “Come on, let’s go for a walk, just us.” He said, watching you nod before he gave you a minute to get up.

You watched as your dad left and despite the heavy weight that rested on your heart you couldn’t help but be relieved that he was alive, your dad was safe.

It wasn’t long before you were shrugging a coat on to ward against the autumn chill and heading downstairs, watching as your dad stood up and shot you a warm smile. It helped more than he knew, seeing him here, seeing him alive and happy even if Peter wasn’t here to see it.

“C’mon,” He said, leading you out of the cabin before he wrapped his arm around you and pulled you close.

The walk was nice, your cheeks flushed from the cold but it was exactly what you needed. No words were spoken between you and your dad, not at first but eventually he began talking and you were content to just listen.

“You know when I first found out about you I was terrified,” He told you with a laugh and you couldn’t help but smile over at him, “I was so scared and then I held you, this little girl, the whole world, my whole world in the palm of my hands. I knew I couldn’t let you down then, god you were barely an hour old and had me wrapped around your little finger.” He laughed, looking over at you and hardly believing you were that same little girl.

He squeezed you gently in his arms, pressing you further against him so he could press a kiss against your head.

“It’s hard without him, I know it is kid, but you’ve gotta be brave. You’ve got to know he loved you so much, he thought the world of you, as he should’ve.” Tony chuckled coming to a halt when he saw tears falling down your cheeks and he cupped your face letting his thumbs gently brush them away. “He’d be so proud to see you now, Y/N/N.”

You couldn’t stop the tears falling down your face at your dad's words, stepping closer to him so you could bury your head in his chest as he wrapped his arms around you. You clung to him, feeling like if you let go of him everything would slip away. It was like he was your only grip on reality and that thought had you tightening your grip on him.

“I’m so proud of you, baby.” He whispered against your hair causing you to take a sharp, deep breath in as you choked on more tears. “You’re so strong, Y/N/N, so brave.”

Tony continued his words of praise until you were gasping for breath, the world around you feeling like it was going to fall from out below your feet at any second.

“I love you so much, baby.” Tony told you, pulling away and cupping your cheeks in his hands again, looking you right in the eyes.

“I love you too,” You managed to choke out, feeling like you were going to drown in your tears.

You let out another choked sob as you felt the world actually shift, felt it shake around you and your eyes locked onto your dad’s, your hands clinging to him as you looked at him, fear in your eyes.

“It’s ok, baby, you’re gonna be ok.” He told you before you were plunged into darkness and only seconds later your eyes flew up as you sat up violently, gasping as you tried to catch your breath.

“Hey, hey, you’re ok,” You heard a voice say softly, a hand running comfortingly up and down your back but you couldn’t make out who it was, your head felt dizzy as you sat there trying to find your breath. “You’re ok, I’ve got you, just breathe, that’s it, deep breath in, that’s it, that’s it.”

Finally it felt like you could finally breathe again, the dizziness finally going as the world around you steadied.

“You’re ok,” the voice said again, causing you to stiffen before your head shot around to see Peter sitting up on the bed, eyes still heavy with sleep as he focused his attention on you.

“Peter?” You gasped, feeling your eyes widen as you struggled to grasp a hold of reality.

You watched Peter’s face turn sympathetic, a sad smile spreading across his lips as he continued to rub your back.

“Yeah, it’s me, it’s Peter.” He told you, keeping his voice soft and low as he spoke.

He watched as you went through a range of emotions before your face crumbled and you started to sob. He gently shifted the two of you so he was resting against the top of the bed and you were laying against his chest, tears soaking his shirt.

Peter continued to talk softly, not saying anything in particular just keeping up a steady stream of words that you could cling to to help ground you back to reality and away from whatever you were dreaming about, Peter having a pretty good guess that it was about the blip.

It felt like hours before you stopped crying, sniffing against Peter’s shirt before you pulled away from him and sat with your legs crossed on the bed, hand darting forward to hold Peter’s.

He smiled at you as best he could with the worry running through him, giving it a squeeze.

“You ok?” He asked quietly.

“I’m sorry,” You told him shakily, sniffing as you blinked back more tears.

“Don’t apologise, you’re fine.” Peter assured you as he brought your hand up to his lips, pressing a lingering kiss to it.

“It was so real, you were gone but,” Here you paused to blink harshly, “my dad was back, Pete, I had my dad back.”

The pain in your chest came back ten times worse as you recalled the dream, recalled the words your dad had said to you.

“I’m so sorry,” Peter said to you as he squeezed your hand again.

You just shook your head, not daring to open your mouth again, knowing that if you did you’d just start crying again. You looked at Peter, a shaky smile making its way onto your face, thanking god he was alive.

It seemed like you couldn’t win, when Peter had died you still had your dad but now you had Peter back and your dad was dead.

Eventually you managed to fully get your breathing under control, managed to blink away all the tears. You felt exhausted now that you had finally calmed down, felt dizzy as the dream felt so real, real enough that it messed with your whole reality.

“Go back to sleep,” you told Peter, watching as he frowned at you. “I’m just gonna head outside for some air.” Peter’s face shifted into understanding as he nodded at you, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to your cheek.

“If you need me,” he began but you cut him off with a nod.

“Thank you.” You whispered and quietly made your way out of your bedroom. Once you stepped foot downstairs you paused, your dream leaking back into reality as you remembered seeing your dad standing, waiting for you.

You blinked hard before you grabbed a coat and left the cabin, shivering against the cold air but found it helped. You walked the same trail you had in your dream, feeling empty as you continued to look to the side, expecting to see your dad there smiling over at you.

Your heart ached as you ended up at the lake.

You sat down on the dock, letting your legs dangle over the edge as you looked out into the water. How many times had you sat here with your dad after the blip, just the two of you sitting together in silence and now you sat alone, nothing but his memories keeping you company.

“I dreamt you were alive,” you said quietly, eyes locked onto the water, “it felt so real, you know? Peter was gone and you were alive and I was so crushed, I didn’t think I could ever feel worse than I did when Pete died,” you told the water with a sad chuckle, “and then you just had to be the hero and prove that I could feel ten times worse.”

The silence around you sounded so painfully loud.

“I hate that you did that.” You said through gritted teeth, “I hate that I wasn’t even surprised you did it, hate that you left me here. I got Peter back and I am always going to be grateful for that, everyday of my life, but I need you too.” You sobbed.

“I need you, the world, it doesn’t seem right without you here. I just really miss you, dad. I really hate that Steve used the last of the serum because if I could I’d go back in time and change that day…I’d do anything to change that day.”

It felt nice to talk, even if nobody was listening. It felt like you could lean your head down and it would land on your dad’s shoulder even though you knew it never would again. It had been so long since you’d spoken to him but doing it felt, it felt as right as it could when he couldn't be here with you.

You didn’t know how long you sat outside for but you knew it was long enough for the sky to change from inky blue to golden yellows and soft pinks as the sun rose.

“Here you go,” A voice said, startling you out of your thoughts.

You looked up as Peter sat next to you, holding two mugs in his hands and offering one of them to you. You shot him a grateful smile as you took the hot drink from him and took a small sip.

“How you feeling?” Peter asked softly after a few minutes of silence.

You didn’t have an answer for him, not a good one anyway because there really were no words that could sum up just how bad losing your dad felt.

“I really miss him.” You told him instead because that was the truest thing you could say.

“I miss him too,” Peter told you, “I’m really sorry.”

“He was always going to die saving the world, I always knew that. He was a hero,” You told Peter with a wet laugh, a smile spreading across your face, “He was a hero.”

“Yeah he was.” Peter said quietly, looking out at the water as you lowered your head onto his shoulder. Peter smiled down at you, pressing a soft kiss to your hair as he wrapped an arm around your waist.

“I’m glad you’re alive.” You told him, voice so soft he barely caught it but the words had him huffing out a laugh.

“Me too, Y/N/N, and I have Mr Stark to thank for that.” Peter had sworn long ago to do anything and everything he could to make Tony proud but since coming back he did everything he could to keep that promise, including keeping you safe.

The two of you sat outside for a long time, heavy hearts as memories played in your heads but you weren’t alone and you knew you couldn’t lose Peter, not again, because not having your dad around was, words couldn’t describe how devastating that was, but losing them both, you didn’t think you’d survive it.

“I love you,” You told him, breaking the silence that had settled between the two of you.

“I love you too, Y/N/N,” Peter whispered back, his hand taking your chin and guiding you up to his lips where he pressed a soft kiss upon yours, “so much.”

No, you knew you wouldn’t survive losing Peter again and you vowed to do everything you could so that you never had to live in a world where you didn’t have Peter Parker in your life.

___________

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