He Was A Hero

He Was A Hero

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Febuwhump Prompt - I dreamt you were alive

Prompt - ‘He's a hero and one day it's going to kill him because his heart is too big, and he carries it in his hands, and no one can hold up the sky forever.’

No day was ever easy, not one day passed when you didn’t mourn those you’d lost, those who had been snapped away. Today was a bad day, today the weight of Peter being gone was weighing down painfully on you, it made it harder to breathe and all you wanted to do was stay in bed and hide away.

You dad stood in the doorway, arms crossed as he bit his lip. Tony knew just how you were feeling, that day on Titan replayed in his head every single day, watching as Peter turned to dust in his arms…no words could describe that feeling. Then he’d gotten home, barely, and the knot in his chest loosened, only slightly, as he saw you alive. He bundled you up in his arms and listened to you sob about how you thought he had died.

Then he had to tell you about Peter.

He watched as your eyes widened in disbelief as you let out a huff of laughter, shaking your head as you did. You told him Peter wasn’t dead, told him he wasn’t funny but Tony just looked at you sadly and you froze, tears running down your cheeks as you continued to shake your head, refusing to believe it but the sobs left your lips and you all but collapsed into his arms. The silence was the worst for him though, watching as you became a shell of yourself.

Eventually everybody settled into the new world but that didn’t mean the pain lessened, it just became a part of them.

“Hey baby,” Tony said from his spot against the door frame, he watched as you sniffed and shifted towards him, smiling shakily at him. “Come on, let’s go for a walk, just us.” He said, watching you nod before he gave you a minute to get up.

You watched as your dad left and despite the heavy weight that rested on your heart you couldn’t help but be relieved that he was alive, your dad was safe.

It wasn’t long before you were shrugging a coat on to ward against the autumn chill and heading downstairs, watching as your dad stood up and shot you a warm smile. It helped more than he knew, seeing him here, seeing him alive and happy even if Peter wasn’t here to see it.

“C’mon,” He said, leading you out of the cabin before he wrapped his arm around you and pulled you close.

The walk was nice, your cheeks flushed from the cold but it was exactly what you needed. No words were spoken between you and your dad, not at first but eventually he began talking and you were content to just listen.

“You know when I first found out about you I was terrified,” He told you with a laugh and you couldn’t help but smile over at him, “I was so scared and then I held you, this little girl, the whole world, my whole world in the palm of my hands. I knew I couldn’t let you down then, god you were barely an hour old and had me wrapped around your little finger.” He laughed, looking over at you and hardly believing you were that same little girl.

He squeezed you gently in his arms, pressing you further against him so he could press a kiss against your head.

“It’s hard without him, I know it is kid, but you’ve gotta be brave. You’ve got to know he loved you so much, he thought the world of you, as he should’ve.” Tony chuckled coming to a halt when he saw tears falling down your cheeks and he cupped your face letting his thumbs gently brush them away. “He’d be so proud to see you now, Y/N/N.”

You couldn’t stop the tears falling down your face at your dad's words, stepping closer to him so you could bury your head in his chest as he wrapped his arms around you. You clung to him, feeling like if you let go of him everything would slip away. It was like he was your only grip on reality and that thought had you tightening your grip on him.

“I’m so proud of you, baby.” He whispered against your hair causing you to take a sharp, deep breath in as you choked on more tears. “You’re so strong, Y/N/N, so brave.”

Tony continued his words of praise until you were gasping for breath, the world around you feeling like it was going to fall from out below your feet at any second.

“I love you so much, baby.” Tony told you, pulling away and cupping your cheeks in his hands again, looking you right in the eyes.

“I love you too,” You managed to choke out, feeling like you were going to drown in your tears.

You let out another choked sob as you felt the world actually shift, felt it shake around you and your eyes locked onto your dad’s, your hands clinging to him as you looked at him, fear in your eyes.

“It’s ok, baby, you’re gonna be ok.” He told you before you were plunged into darkness and only seconds later your eyes flew up as you sat up violently, gasping as you tried to catch your breath.

“Hey, hey, you’re ok,” You heard a voice say softly, a hand running comfortingly up and down your back but you couldn’t make out who it was, your head felt dizzy as you sat there trying to find your breath. “You’re ok, I’ve got you, just breathe, that’s it, deep breath in, that’s it, that’s it.”

Finally it felt like you could finally breathe again, the dizziness finally going as the world around you steadied.

“You’re ok,” the voice said again, causing you to stiffen before your head shot around to see Peter sitting up on the bed, eyes still heavy with sleep as he focused his attention on you.

“Peter?” You gasped, feeling your eyes widen as you struggled to grasp a hold of reality.

You watched Peter’s face turn sympathetic, a sad smile spreading across his lips as he continued to rub your back.

“Yeah, it’s me, it’s Peter.” He told you, keeping his voice soft and low as he spoke.

He watched as you went through a range of emotions before your face crumbled and you started to sob. He gently shifted the two of you so he was resting against the top of the bed and you were laying against his chest, tears soaking his shirt.

Peter continued to talk softly, not saying anything in particular just keeping up a steady stream of words that you could cling to to help ground you back to reality and away from whatever you were dreaming about, Peter having a pretty good guess that it was about the blip.

It felt like hours before you stopped crying, sniffing against Peter’s shirt before you pulled away from him and sat with your legs crossed on the bed, hand darting forward to hold Peter’s.

He smiled at you as best he could with the worry running through him, giving it a squeeze.

“You ok?” He asked quietly.

“I’m sorry,” You told him shakily, sniffing as you blinked back more tears.

“Don’t apologise, you’re fine.” Peter assured you as he brought your hand up to his lips, pressing a lingering kiss to it.

“It was so real, you were gone but,” Here you paused to blink harshly, “my dad was back, Pete, I had my dad back.”

The pain in your chest came back ten times worse as you recalled the dream, recalled the words your dad had said to you.

“I’m so sorry,” Peter said to you as he squeezed your hand again.

You just shook your head, not daring to open your mouth again, knowing that if you did you’d just start crying again. You looked at Peter, a shaky smile making its way onto your face, thanking god he was alive.

It seemed like you couldn’t win, when Peter had died you still had your dad but now you had Peter back and your dad was dead.

Eventually you managed to fully get your breathing under control, managed to blink away all the tears. You felt exhausted now that you had finally calmed down, felt dizzy as the dream felt so real, real enough that it messed with your whole reality.

“Go back to sleep,” you told Peter, watching as he frowned at you. “I’m just gonna head outside for some air.” Peter’s face shifted into understanding as he nodded at you, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to your cheek.

“If you need me,” he began but you cut him off with a nod.

“Thank you.” You whispered and quietly made your way out of your bedroom. Once you stepped foot downstairs you paused, your dream leaking back into reality as you remembered seeing your dad standing, waiting for you.

You blinked hard before you grabbed a coat and left the cabin, shivering against the cold air but found it helped. You walked the same trail you had in your dream, feeling empty as you continued to look to the side, expecting to see your dad there smiling over at you.

Your heart ached as you ended up at the lake.

You sat down on the dock, letting your legs dangle over the edge as you looked out into the water. How many times had you sat here with your dad after the blip, just the two of you sitting together in silence and now you sat alone, nothing but his memories keeping you company.

“I dreamt you were alive,” you said quietly, eyes locked onto the water, “it felt so real, you know? Peter was gone and you were alive and I was so crushed, I didn’t think I could ever feel worse than I did when Pete died,” you told the water with a sad chuckle, “and then you just had to be the hero and prove that I could feel ten times worse.”

The silence around you sounded so painfully loud.

“I hate that you did that.” You said through gritted teeth, “I hate that I wasn’t even surprised you did it, hate that you left me here. I got Peter back and I am always going to be grateful for that, everyday of my life, but I need you too.” You sobbed.

“I need you, the world, it doesn’t seem right without you here. I just really miss you, dad. I really hate that Steve used the last of the serum because if I could I’d go back in time and change that day…I’d do anything to change that day.”

It felt nice to talk, even if nobody was listening. It felt like you could lean your head down and it would land on your dad’s shoulder even though you knew it never would again. It had been so long since you’d spoken to him but doing it felt, it felt as right as it could when he couldn't be here with you.

You didn’t know how long you sat outside for but you knew it was long enough for the sky to change from inky blue to golden yellows and soft pinks as the sun rose.

“Here you go,” A voice said, startling you out of your thoughts.

You looked up as Peter sat next to you, holding two mugs in his hands and offering one of them to you. You shot him a grateful smile as you took the hot drink from him and took a small sip.

“How you feeling?” Peter asked softly after a few minutes of silence.

You didn’t have an answer for him, not a good one anyway because there really were no words that could sum up just how bad losing your dad felt.

“I really miss him.” You told him instead because that was the truest thing you could say.

“I miss him too,” Peter told you, “I’m really sorry.”

“He was always going to die saving the world, I always knew that. He was a hero,” You told Peter with a wet laugh, a smile spreading across your face, “He was a hero.”

“Yeah he was.” Peter said quietly, looking out at the water as you lowered your head onto his shoulder. Peter smiled down at you, pressing a soft kiss to your hair as he wrapped an arm around your waist.

“I’m glad you’re alive.” You told him, voice so soft he barely caught it but the words had him huffing out a laugh.

“Me too, Y/N/N, and I have Mr Stark to thank for that.” Peter had sworn long ago to do anything and everything he could to make Tony proud but since coming back he did everything he could to keep that promise, including keeping you safe.

The two of you sat outside for a long time, heavy hearts as memories played in your heads but you weren’t alone and you knew you couldn’t lose Peter, not again, because not having your dad around was, words couldn’t describe how devastating that was, but losing them both, you didn’t think you’d survive it.

“I love you,” You told him, breaking the silence that had settled between the two of you.

“I love you too, Y/N/N,” Peter whispered back, his hand taking your chin and guiding you up to his lips where he pressed a soft kiss upon yours, “so much.”

No, you knew you wouldn’t survive losing Peter again and you vowed to do everything you could so that you never had to live in a world where you didn’t have Peter Parker in your life.

___________

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Finding Our Way Back

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Febuwhump Prompt - nightmares

Prompt - ‘It's like our souls are made of the same thing, always making sure we find each other when we need each other the most.’

Bucky felt like he was suffocating, clawing at his neck in a desperate attempt to loosen the lump in his throat that was stopping him from breathing as he shot up, sitting up on bed and looking around wildly. Nothing was out of place as he took note of everything in the room, his mind slowly registering that there were no real threats.

Bucky didn’t know how long he sat there for, didn’t know when the lump in his throat gave way and left him panting for breath, didn’t know when the sweat dried and the adrenaline left his body leaving him exhausted and drained.

He did know there was no chance of him going back to sleep, not for the next few nights, not until his body shut down. The serum running through his veins would allow him three or four days without sleep, longer if forced but he’d start feeling the effects. He didn’t care though, everytime he closed his eyes he saw the bodies, the agents, that damned chair. He heard the whispered words that triggered him to act, to kill.

Bucky let out a shaky breath before looking around the room once more.

It had taken him a long time to fully adjust to having somewhere that was his but it never felt like home, nowhere did these days. Steve was gone, you were…god, what had it come to when Bucky didn’t even know what you were doing anymore.

He let the memories of when he first met you fill his head, wanting to drown out all the bad ones. He remembered you watching him, it had made him uneasy as you stared at him but never said a word. The two of you locked in a staring contest as Steve and Sam stood to the side, deciding on what to do with him.

He remembered waking up in Wakanda, remembered how you had chosen to stay behind, when he raised a questioning eyebrow at you, you had just shrugged but there was something under the surface, sadness, regret, something…

Bucky watched you watch him, he remembered the days you sat with him, sat on the floor with him when the bed or the sofa was much too soft. He remembered how you had taken his hand in yours, no words needing to be exchanged as you squeezed it gently, once, then twice.

Over time it had developed into a code of sorts between the two of you, two squeezes meant everything was fine, everything was going to be ok. One squeeze meant one of you needed out of a situation as discreetly but quickly as possible, admittedly Bucky had used that signal more than you had but you never failed to help him out, making it seem so casual.

He remembered as you sat with him that night, that night, when the trigger words were read to him, remembered not feeling anything, no emptiness, no shift, just himself, just James Barnes. He remembered being told he was free, remembered the tears falling down his face, the choked sobs of absolute relief as he turned to face you, practically falling into your arms as you held him, whispering words of praises and reassurances, both of you pulling away with matching smiles.

And Bucky, Bucky couldn’t help himself.

He leaned closer to you, slowly so you had time to pull away but you never did, instead you met him halfway and slotted your lips together. Months of pent up pining over each other was channelled into one kiss, going from soft and gentle to hungry and passionate.

The two of you ended up back in the room Bucky had been given but things never went further than the two of you kissing, holding the other close as you lay together in bed.

His thoughts turned to that day in Wakanda, how he had watched you turn back to face him, the last thing he saw before being blipped was the fear, god you had looked so scared, on your face.

And then he saw you turn to dust too but he was gone before you were.

Then you were brought back, Steve leading an army against Thanos. Everything was moving into action before Bucky had a chance to even look at you and he couldn’t find you out on the battlefield, he tried to find you but there were enemies coming from every direction and Bucky had to focus because if he didn’t then he’d spiral.

It felt like he had just gotten the all clear, that he was free to not be a killer and now here he was, thrust into another battle with no choice but to fight.

When the battle ended, Tony’s sacrifice ensuring their victory, he still couldn’t find you. His blood ran cold as he looked at the fallen on the ground, selfishly and desperately hoping you weren’t one of them.

“Hey,” He heard, whipping around to face Sam who looked as tired as Bucky felt, “She’s alive, she’s with Strange.” Sam told him, gesturing from where he had just come from.

Bucky shot him a grateful look before he ran over to where Doctor Strange was, you and him talking together quietly as he ran his hands over your lower leg, a golden glow surrounding the area as the skin knitted itself back together.

Bucky watched, choking on a sob causing you to look up at him, relief clear on your face as you pushed yourself up off the ground and ran into his arms, Bucky wrapping them tightly around as you buried your face in his chest.

“I’m so glad you’re ok,” You told him, words muffled against his shirt. Bucky pressed his face into your hair, rambling on about how glad he was you were safe, the two of you more than content to stay in each other's hold.

It was Steve leaving that caused the rift between the two of you. Bucky was finally allowed to be himself, no more HYDRA, no more trigger words, nothing, and then Steve had pulled him aside, reciting rehearsed lines about how he had to go back, how there wasn’t a place for him in this day and age.

Bucky barely held back his words of anger, of frustration because the one thing he could always depend on was Steve Rogers and now he was leaving him, to go back to the past, back to a life that didn’t exist anymore. Bucky thought they had both been through too much to even consider a life back there but apparently this was what Steve needed and who was Bucky to argue with that.

In the days that passed Bucky kept to himself, you tried desperately to be there for him, offer him a shoulder to cry on, somebody to talk to, somebody to sit silently with but Bucky wanted none of that. He wanted none of your comfort, none of your kind words.

One day the lack of sleep and the mix of feelings had become too much and he took his frustration out on you. He didn’t even want to recall the words he had said to you that day but he hadn’t seen you since, hadn’t heard from you.

Sometimes he picked up the phone, letting his thumb hover over your name but he never pressed it.

And he lived with the regret of that everyday. Once he managed to come to terms with the fact that Steve had left, once he had come to terms with his feelings, that’s when the regret settled in, when he realised just what a jerk he had been.

The next few days passed in a blur of therapist appointments and sitting alone in his apartment before something came along to break his routine - John Walker. Him and Sam could only do so much and as they sat in Sharon’s place in Madripoor it was Sam who suggested they involve you.

“No,” Bucky said, cutting him off immediately.

“Ah yes, the Y/L/N girl,” Zemo said, “I remember her well, she could be very useful.”

“She won’t come, Sam.” He told the other man, ignoring Zemo completely.

“Just call her.” Sam said, causing Bucky to laugh in disbelief.

“You want me to make the call?”

“Oh come on, Barnes, she loved you, hell I’m willing to bet she’s still in love with you. You said some shit you didn’t mean and I know Y/N, man, she’s probably not even pissed about what you said, she probably understands exactly where those words came from. My guess, she’s been waiting for a call, a call where you tell her you’re sorry.” Sam said to him, picking up his phone and holding it out to Bucky who sat on the sofa, the words like a slap to the face because Bucky knew you and Sam was probably right, ok so maybe say was absolutely right but he wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of admitting that.

He had never apologised, too scared to face you.

A few seconds passed but Bucky snatched the phone from Sam and stood up, heading out of the room for some privacy.

It took longer than Bucky would care to admit but eventually he pressed the call button, hesitating before bringing the phone up to his ear, each ring sending a wave of anxiety through him.

“Hello?” Hearing your voice had him relaxing in a way he hadn’t been able to for months. “Hello?” You said again, causing him to clear his throat.

“Hi Y/N,” He said softly.

“Bucky?” You asked in shock after a moment of silence, not expecting it would ever be him on the other end of the phone again.

“Yeah it’s me.” He said, not sure where to go from here, apologising over the phone didn’t feel right but he didn’t know if he could get you here without it.

“Is everything ok?” You asked when it became obvious he wasn’t going to say anything else.

“Y/N,” He began but then changed his mind, he wouldn’t apologise over the phone, “We need you.”

“We?” You asked with a roll of your eyes, of course this wasn’t the call you had wanted all those months ago.

“You heard about John Walker?” He asked, sensing the shift in your emotions and knowing he had screwed up some more.

“Yeah, he’s going round playing Captain America, what about him?” You asked, listening as Bucky explained what was happening.

“Will you help?” He finally asked.

“I’ll help.” You said after a long pause.

“Great, I’ll have Sam send you the details,” He said, practically feeling the eye roll from down the phone, “Thank you, Y/N.” He murmured softly before hanging up and staring down at the phone in his hands, kicking himself as he did.

When he reentered the room, he threw the phone at Sam before collapsing into the sofa.

“That good, huh?” He asked.

“She’ll help, just text her the details.”

As you knocked on the door of the address Sam had sent you, you felt your anxiety double and quickly wiped your palms against your coat cursing yourself for getting involved.

“Ah Y/N, so good to see you again.”

Your head snapped up at the accent, eyes widened as you looked up to see a man who should have been in a prison cell.

“They did not tell you I was helping.” He realised as he opened the door, gesturing for you to enter.

“Last time I saw you you were trying to kill Bucky.” You said as you made your way past him, looking around the house as you stepped further in.

“And now I’m not.” He said with a friendly grin, “Relax, he’s not here.”

You turned around to face him, raising an eyebrow at his words but did as Zemo said when he nodded.

“They left you alone here?” You asked as you followed him over to the kitchen area, nodding as he grabbed a mug and gestured it towards you.

“I have nowhere to run to, Y/N. My family is long gone and my mission has been completed, what more is there to do?” He asked and you had no answer to that, so instead you took the drink from him and sat together in silence.

“Y/N!” Sam’s voice had you turning around in your seat, watching as the man smiled as he made his way over to you, you meeting him halfway and letting him wrap you in a warm hug. “It’s so good to see you.”

“It’s good to see you too.” You told him, pulling back to smile up at him. When you fully pulled away from him your eyes were immediately drawn towards Bucky and you couldn’t help but smile softly despite everything.

He looked good.

“Hey Y/N/N,” He said, softly.

“Hi,” You replied just as quietly and the pair of you missed the eye roll from Sam who cleared his throat when neither of you said anything else.

Working with Bucky again was…nice. Being around him was nice and you found yourself relaxing more and more around him, feeling like things could go back to normal. For the rest of the day, spent planning your next move, neither of you mentioned that night though it hung over your heads.

That night, however, you were woken up when you heard a bang sound from the room next to yours. Cautiously you climbed out of bed, years of training kicking in as you silently walked towards Bucky’s door, pausing outside to listen for any threats but you heard nothing.

And then you heard a strangled gasp.

You opened the door, not much but enough so that you could slip in unnoticed, eyes quickly adjusting to the darkness of the room as you looked around for any threats but instead you saw Bucky tangled up in the bedsheets, sweat pouring off of him as the items on the nightstand lay sprawled on the floor.

Your eyes turned sympathetic as you watched him struggle and despite not being on the best of terms with him right now you knew you couldn’t leave him there, trapped inside his nightmare.

You made your way over to the bed, calling his name but he showed no signs of hearing you. You knew touching him was probably, definitely, a bad idea but you didn’t know how else to wake him up.

You shifted so you were closer to him, ready to catch the fist that you knew would undoubtedly swing for you subconsciously, thankful for your own super strength in that moment.

“Bucky,” You called softly as you gently shook him awake.

The moment your hand touched him he shot awake, vibranium arm swinging blindly in your direction, you just barely catching it like it weighed nothing, your other hand pinning his other shoulder down gently.

“Hey, it’s just me, it’s Y/N,” You told him, continuing to talk softly as he came out of his nightmare, blinking harshly against the sudden flood of tears that filled his eyes as he focused on the sound of your voice.

“That’s it, you’re ok, I got you,” You murmured, shifting your hand from his shoulder to run through his hair, watching as he became aware of his surroundings and slowly let go of his vibranium arm.

Bucky let himself lay still for a moment, enjoying the feel of your fingers threading through his hair as he struggled for breath but pretty quickly he needed to sit up, panting as he was able to breathe again.

He turned to face you, the tears finally leaking over onto his cheeks and you smiled sadly at him as you shifted so you were laying on the bed before tugging him close to you, resting his head against your chest as you rubbed his arm soothingly with one hand, the other going back to his hair.

You continued to whisper soft words of nothing, watching how he slowly caught his breath and turned further into you, wrapping his arm around your waist as he leaned up to nuzzle his face against your neck.

His face was wet from the tears but thankfully he had managed to stop crying, content to just lay with you and shut out the rest of the world.

“You wanna talk about it?” You finally asked after half an hour or so of laying together.

“No,” He mumbled into your neck, causing you to smile, before he let out a breath that sent a shiver down your spine, “Yes.”

“Take your time.” You told him, placing a gentle kiss to his hair.

“S’always the same, always strapped to that chair, the words. I see everyone I ever hurt, everyone I killed, dead because of me.” Bucky whispered not pulling away from you, not daring to look up at you.

“Because of HYDRA, Bucky, not because of you.” You told him, voice quiet but stern.

“I was the one who killed them, Y/N/N.” He told you, voice breaking as he did.

“Bucky, you never, never, would have killed if it wasn’t for those bastards. You can’t blame yourself. You’re free, Buck, no more words, no more HYDRA, it’s all gone.” You told him, feeling him relax against you as he took in your words.

The two of you stayed silent for a long while after that, Bucky slowly worked through the memories that had filled his head, now that the nightmare had passed, thoughts of you began to take over. You were savouring every moment with Bucky in your arms, not sure when or if you’d ever have him back again.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky said after a while, voice near silent but from his position you heard him clearly.

“What?” You asked, assuming he was apologising over the nightmare.

“What I said to you, you never deserved that and then I let all that time pass without calling you, I should’ve called you, baby. First thing I should have done was follow you out of that damn door and apologise but I was so far in my own head…” He told you, trailing off as he lost the words he thought about over and over again for months.

“All I wanted was an apology, Buck.” You told him, keeping your own voice quiet so as not to break the delicate atmosphere.

“And I should’ve given it to you months ago.” He said, finally shifting back so he could look up at you. “I was an idiot to let you walk away and I’ve regretted it every single day.”

You smiled down at him, easily seeing how much he meant those words.

“I really am sorry, baby.” He murmured, looking up at you with wide, apologetic eyes and you couldn’t help but chuckle softly as you ran your knuckles across his cheek.

“I forgive you.” You whispered watching as he relaxed into your touch, smiling up at you as he let out a huff of disbelief.

“You’re incredible, baby.” He told you, shifting so he was laying on his side, vibranium arm coming up to brush some hair from your face before he cupped your cheek in his palm, giving you plenty off time to move away as he leaned down to kiss you but just like your first kiss you leaned up and met his lips half way, the kiss was soft and slow, months apart from each other and all the missed time was put into the kiss, feelings of longing and relief that you had found your way back to each other.

Eventually Bucky pulled away, watching as you smiled up at him, eyes still closed and he knew it that moment you were it for him, he knew it in those months you’d been apart but he never let himself think it, not when he thought he had no chance of ever getting you back.

“I love you, baby.” He told you, the words falling out of his mouth without meaning to. You watched as his own eyes widened in shock at his words but you couldn’t help but smile wider up at him.

“I love you too.” You whispered before leaning up to kiss him again, your hand finding his and squeezing it twice.

And despite the fact you still had to deal with the wannabe Captain America, still had to clean up the messes that kept being made, you had a feeling that everything would be just fine, everything would go back to normal now that you and Bucky had found your way back to each other.

-------------------

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Only You

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Febuwhump Prompt - failed rescue attempt

Prompt - ‘I hate to make everything about me but what am I supposed to do without you?’

You were still half asleep as you stumbled onto the jet, flopping down into the seat next to Hotch, letting your head rest upon his shoulder. Hotch looked down at you, face softening as he watched you close your eyes. By the time the rest of the team had trailed onto the jet you were fast asleep against Hotch.

The plane ride was only a short one so by the time you were in the air Hotch was gently shaking you awake, you groaning as you turned your face further into his shoulder before pulling away and rubbing at your eyes.

“Morning princess.” Derek grinned, way too energetically for four in the morning. You glared at him as Hotch nudged you and pressed the tablet into your hands, information already loaded up for you just as Garcia’s voice filled the jet.

“Police just responded to the scene of another body, same markings on the victim.” She told you all, causing you to look down at your notes to see the markings she spoke of.

You raised an eyebrow as you saw each woman had three crosses carved into their skin, one large one on their chests and then small ones on each inner arm. As well as that there was a diagonally cut along their face starting from the temple right down to their jaws.

“The crosses seem to be done post mortem, they’re too clean and haven’t scabbed over whereas the cut to the faces seem to be done whilst the victims are alive if the jaggedness and blood pattern is anything to go by.” Spencer informed everyone as you continued to skim through the information.

So far three bodies had been found, four now including the latest victim, all found spread out in public places. You looked up just in time to see Rossi and Hotch glance at you before sharing a look with each other but when you raised a questioning eyebrow at Hotch he just shook his head.

“Tell them to leave the body as it is, Garcia, we’ll be there soon.” With that Garcia disconnected the video call leaving you all to look through the notes and talk about potential unsubs.

“Y/N I want you with me at the latest crime scene. JJ, Dave head down to the station and see what they have, Reid go with them and see if you can narrow down the geographical profile. Morgan, Prentiss go to the lab and see if they have anything for us yet.” Hotch instructed as the jet landed and you all headed your separate ways.

As you and Hotch walked the crime scene, trying to figure out how somebody could plant and position a body without being caught even considering the early hour, you felt uneasy. Your head whipped around as you surveyed the scene but other than the press and officers nobody was there.

“You ok?” Hotch asked as he watched you look around.

“Huh?” You questioned, turning back to him with a shake of your head, “Yeah, I’m fine.” You told him, forcing a smile on your face as he nodded and turned back to the body.

You glanced around once more before doing the same.

It wasn’t long before you were all at the station, nothing coming up from your walk at the crime scene, Morgan and Prentiss hadn’t found out much from the ME. The only person who had had some luck was Spencer who was gesturing to different places on the map and rambling on about the most likely places the unsub could be.

You felt bad for zoning it out but geographical profiles had never been your forte. Instead you turned your attention to Hotch who was listening to Spencer whilst rubbing his temple, trying to push away an oncoming headache.

You stood up and headed out of the room, Hotch turning to you as you did but you weren’t gone long, heading out to the kitchen area to pour yourself and Hotch a drink. Hotch shot you an appreciative smile as he brought the cup to his lips.

“So all we know is that the unsub is somewhere in that area and is consistent in victimology and that only gets us so far, short of looking the same these girls are as different as you could get.” Derek said as he threw his folder onto the table.

“He’s right, they never went to school together, never shopped at the same stores, hell I doubt these girls had anything connecting them.” Emily said.

“There’s something we’re missing, get Garcia to keep looking into them.” Hotch ordered as he stood up to take a call.

“Reid, are you able to pinpoint anything about where he’s finding these girls?” Rossi asked, leaning back in his chair and fiddling with a pen.

It was only hours later that you were informed of another body. You, Spencer, Derek and Hotch headed to the scene to see if you could find anything useful. It was more than obvious that the unsub was devolving, two bodies in one day. The crosses on the latest victim were clearly done when she was alive, all of them jagged and messy.

As Spencer and Hotch examined the body and Morgan interviewed the woman who had found the body you looked around and noticed an alleyway not too far from the body, it seemed like the only place that an unsub would have half a chance at not being caught from.

You glanced back to the others and saw they were still busy so shrugged and headed over, with the way this case was going it was probably just another deadend. But yet when you headed into the alleyway you got the same feeling you did at the last crime scene, you felt uneasy as the hairs on your neck stood up, a shiver running down your spine as you looked around but nothing was there.

As you turned to leave you came face to face with a man much taller than you and before you had the chance to scream or pull your gun he immediately smothered your face with a rag. You tried not to breathe in but were forced to and it wasn’t long before you slumped against the man who wore a sleazy grin.

“What do you mean she's gone?” Hotch snapped as Derek informed him you were nowhere to be found.

“I don’t know man, she’s not here.” He watched as Hotch stepped away, pulling his phone out and listening for a ringtone to sound from somewhere around him but it never came. The car was still here and there weren’t many places you could go.

“Get Garcia to track her location,” Hotch said to Derek, “Now.”

The tone of Hotch’s voice had Derek obeying the order instantly, no flirting with Garcia as he snapped at her to do what he asked.

“It’s off.” Garcia told him with fear running through her veins.

“What?” Hotch snapped into the phone that was now on speaker.

“It’s not on, I can’t track it.” Garcia repeated, her thoughts spiralling.

Hotch bit back a series of curses as his team and the officers looked to him for guidance and he hated that he didn’t have an answer.

They somehow ended up at the station, each of them trying to create a profile that would lead them to you. Hotch paced up and down an empty interview room, hair messed up as he continued to run his fingers through it cursing himself for letting you come along to the crime scene in the first place.

“You need to calm down.” Rossi told him as he entered the room.

“Calm down?” Hotch questioned with a look of disbelief, “Calm down?! It’s my fault she got taken and you want me to calm down?”

“It’s not your fault.” Rossi told him, voice even despite the worry he felt for you. Somebody had to keep a level head and it clearly wasn’t going to be Hotch.

“Not my fault? Dave, she matched the unsub’s victimology, I knew that and I still let her come to both crime scenes, I never shou-” Here Hotch cut himself off as he remembered something.

“What is it?” Rossi asked, following Hotch out of the room as he stormed over to the one the team had been given.

“Get Garcia on the phone.” He demanded and his order was fulfilled in seconds, Garcia’s worried voice filling the room.

“What can I do?” She asked.

“I need you to pull up video footage from the McAdams crime scene,” He told her, mind racing.

“On it, what am I looking for?” The sound of typing filled the room as Hotch thought back to the look on your face.

“The unsub was at the crime scene. Y/N knew it, she knew he was there.” Hotch told them.

“She knew the unsub was there?” JJ asked.

“She didn’t know who it was but she knew something wasn’t right. The look on her face-” Hotch trailed off as Rossi led him to an empty seat.

Nothing any of them said would stop the man blaming himself, not until he had Y/N back.

The team sat in silence as Garcia flipped through footage after footage desperately looking for anything that would help lead the team to you, trying not to think about what the man was doing to you right now.

It took near on forty minutes of scrolling through video feeds before Garcia found something. It wasn’t the clearest footage but the guy definitely gave her the creeps.

“Sir, I think I found him.” Garcia said, causing Hotch to sit straighter in seat as he stared at the phone waiting for her to continue. “If you’ll direct your attention to your tablets,” she said as she sent the blurry images to all of them. “I’m working on making it clearer and getting a face ID as we speak.”

“Fast as you can, Garcia.” Hotch ordered.

“Yes sir, I’ll let you know when I’ve got something.” Because she would get something, no way was she letting anything bad happen to you.

Hotch was a mess as he paced around the small room, setting everybody's nerves even further on edge, if it were possible. They hadn’t seen Hotch this worried for as long as they could remember. The only thing running through everyone’s mind was that they had to find you.

Everybody’s attention turned to Hotch as his phone pinged.

“Aaron?” Rossi asked, standing up as he watched his friend pale drastically. “Hey, whoa, take a seat.” He said, watching as the man’s legs turned to jelly and pushed him into a chair.

As he took the phone from Hotch he saw exactly what had caused the reaction, there you were, strapped to a chair with a cross carved onto your chest, blood pouring from the wound as tears fell down your cheeks.

“We have to find her.” Hotch said quietly, his own eyes filled with tears as the image of you burnt into his mind.

“We will.” Rossi told him before turning to the team, “Call Garcia, tell her to track the phone.”

With some luck Garcia managed to get a location on you before the phone was switched off again. The unsub was hiding away in an abandoned warehouse thirty minutes away from them.

Hotch drove like a mad man, with the way the unsub was going he wasn’t sure if you had thirty minutes. He pushed that thought out of his head as he blinked back tears and tightened his grip on the wheel.

He couldn’t think like that. He couldn’t because then he’d have to think about everything he would regret, the number one thing on that list would be not telling you how he felt about you. How you were one of the few good things in his life and how he never wanted to be without you. He’d regret not taking the risk, not crashing his lips into yours.

He thought back to all the dinners the two of you had together or the times you spent the night at his place, nothing ever happening but sometimes cases got too much for you and you needed somebody safe. You had told him he was your safe place and he still hadn’t bit the bullet and kissed you. He should have told you then and there he was in love with you, how every time he pictured his future you were always there with him, at his side.

He swore to himself he’d tell you now.

He’d tell you now.

They arrived at the warehouse, blue and red lights lighting the place up as everybody stepped out of their cars, guns drawn as they split up and entered. Hotch had done plenty of rescue missions before but this one was different, this one was you.

They weren’t prepared for the size of the place, more rooms than they could count and you could be in any one of them. Hotch felt himself going crazy as they opened door after door only to find nothing.

“Hotch,” Derek’s voice sounded in his ear, “You need to get here quick,” He was told the room number and that was it.

Hotch practically sprinted across the warehouse, fear flooding through him as Derek refused to tell him whether you were ok or not. He pushed through the door, Spencer and JJ right behind him, before freezing, the other two barely stopping themselves from crashing into him.

Because there you were on the floor, medics surrounded you as they performed CPR in a desperate attempt to get any sign of life from you.

Hotch staggered backwards, knees giving out as he fell to the floor. Derek made his way over but what could he do? They all watched on as the medics continued working on you, the blood loss was way too much though.

One medic shook their head causing Hotch to let out a sob as two other medics brushed past the group and it wasn’t long before you were being carried out to the ambulance.

“I’m going with her.” Hotch said as he tried to climb into the ambulance but was pushed away by one of the medics.

“I’m sorry sir but you can’t.” She said with a sympathetic look.

“I’m going with her.” He repeated harshly, Derek placing a hand on his shoulder in an attempt to calm him down but he shook it off.

“Agent, I’m going to be honest with you she might not even survive the ride to the hospital, the only people in that ambulance are going to be her and the people who might be able to save her life, you wanna stand here and continue this conversation or can I go and save your girlfriends life?” She asked bluntly, she felt sorry for the man but there wasn’t time for this argument. “Meet us at the hospital.” Were the last words said before the ambulance doors closed and the sirens sounded.

“She has to be ok.” Hotch said to himself.

“It’s Y/N, she’s gonna be fine.” Derek told him but all that blood had him doubting his own words.

It wasn’t long before they arrived at the hospital, forced into a private waiting room and offered no information. Hotch couldn’t sit still and instead opted to pace the length of the waiting room praying to anybody that would listen that you would be ok, you had to be because he didn’t know what he was supposed to do if you weren’t.

Four hours later a nurse finally came out to see the group of anxious agents. Hotch immediately turned towards him begging for some good news but the look on his face had Hotch’s blood turning cold.

“I’m sorry,” he started and Hotch just about felt his world end, “She’s still in surgery. Her heart stopped three times but we managed to get a heartbeat. It’s still weak and unsteady but it’s there. I can’t make any promises to you but for the moment she’s stable and we’re doing all we can to help her pull through.”

Hotch didn’t know how to react and felt himself collapse into a plastic chair, the nurse giving him a sympathetic look before leaving.

“She’s doing well, Aaron.” Rossi said, taking a seat next to him.

“She died, three times. They don’t know if she’s going to make it.” Hotch said, his voice breaking as tears fell down his face because saying it outloud made it real. “I can’t lose her Dave.”

“She’s a strong kid, she’ll pull through.” Was all Rossi said before the waiting room fell silent again.

“Hey baby girl.” Derek said as he stood up to hug Garcia, both of them needing it right now,

“How is she?” She asked anxiously, sniffing slightly.

“No news yet.” Spencer said quietly from his seat.

“How’s he?” She asked just as quietly gesturing over to Hotch who sat alone in the corner of the room.

“He’s not doing so well.” Emily said, smiling sadly at her boss.

Everybody knew how Hotch felt about you, it wasn’t the best kept secret. Hell, even you knew how he felt and they all knew you felt the same. The only reason you hadn’t acted on it was because you didn’t know if he would be willing to start a relationship with you as his subordinate. As far as the rest of the team was concerned the two of you had been dating for years, you had dinners together, you slept at his place more than your own at this point and on rare days off you still spent your time with each other.

Everybody knew both of you were crazy for each other and watching Hotch not know if he was going to have the chance to tell you how he felt himself was breaking their hearts.

Fourteen hours later a tired doctor stepped through the doors of the waiting room. Everybody turned their attention to him as they waited anxiously to hear anything about you.

“She’s stable,” He told them, smiling softly at the collective sigh of relief that spread throughout the room. “You were told she flatlined three times, correct? Unfortunately she crashed once more but we were able to get a heartbeat. I can’t make promises but as of right now she’s looking good. Obviously we’re going to keep her for at least a week, though that could be longer if things go downhill but I’ll make sure you’re all kept up to date.”

“Thank you so much, doc.” Derek said and everybody else echoed the sentiment.

“Can we see her?” Hotch asked and the doctor gave him a sympathetic look, the man looked like he’d been through hell.

“One of you can,” He agreed, really nobody should but the man looked like he needed to see her and hear a heart machine confirm she was alive, “For five minutes.”

The rest of the team nodded at Hotch who mouthed a thank you to them before he followed the doctor out of the room and over to you.

When the doctor pushed the door open Hotch froze as he saw all the different tubes and wires attached to you, helping you stay alive. His eyes filled with tears as he made his way into the room and sat down in the chair next to you, carefully taking your hand in his and bringing his mouth down to press a kiss to your knuckles.

“You’re going to be ok, Y/N/N,” He told you, eyes on the heart monitor that showed a weak but beating heart rate. “You have to be ok because I have so much to tell you but the most important thing you have to know is that I love you,” He told you, tears falling down his cheeks, “I love you so much, baby. You’ve got to get better so I can tell you that.”

He looked up when he heard a knock at the door, the doctor giving him a sympathetic look. Hotch nodded at him before standing and taking one last look at you, gently leaning over and placing a barely there kiss on your forehead.

“I love you.” And with that he made his way back to the waiting room.

It was four days before there was any movement from you and then they wished they never heard anything. Alarms sounded and the team watched as a flock of doctors and nurses made their way into your room but despite the open door they couldn’t see what was happening.

“Chest compression now, she’s going into cardiac arrest!”

Those words sent a sliver of ice down everybody’s spine, Hotch staring wide eyed at the door, not daring to take his eyes off it like that would somehow help you.

“Defibrillator!” Another doctor called and then he was counting before they shocked you, “Nothing, again!” “Clear!” “Again!”

The words merged into each other as Hotch leaned against the wall for support, his own heart beating out of his chest as he heard them continue to shout how there was nothing.

“We have a pulse!” One doctor finally called and Hotch sobbed, Rossi barely catching him as his knees gave out and pulled him into a tight hug.

“She’s being transferred into the ICU,” the doctor informed them after several hours had passed, “we’ve put her into an induced coma to allow the body to heal but she should be awake in the next two days.”

Those two days seemed to drag, there was no news about you but at this point no news was good news. Everybody else left and came back to the hospital but Hotch had yet to leave once, refusing to leave you alone here even if you weren’t aware of where you were or his presence.

He barely slept and was on edge the whole time you were in the coma, dreading every time a nurse or doctor came close to the waiting room.

“Agent Hotchner,” the doctor greeted as he stepped in, it was still early and the others were back at the hotel.

“Doctor Smith, how is she?” He asked, dread filling his stomach but then the doctor smiled and he felt a weight fall of his shoulders at the words -

“She’s awake.”

Hotch just about kept himself upright as he was led to your room, letting out a sob as he saw you awake through the window.

“Before you go in there’s some things I have to tell you,” the doctor said, Hotch nodding as he did, “she’s going to be extremely weak and tired for a while, her body has been through a lot of trauma in a short space of time. Give her time. I can’t promise you she’s out of the woods yet but we’re doing everything we can. The only advice I can give you is spend as much time with her as you can.”

And with those comforting words the doctor patted Hotch’s shoulder and walked away.

Hotch took a deep breath before he stepped forward and entered your room, smiling at you as your eyes flickered over to him. He made his way around to the chair next to your bed, taking your hand gently in his, careful of the needle.

“It’s so good to see you awake.” He said, leaning down to kiss your hand.

He watched as you gave him a weak smile and a barely there squeeze of the hand. It was the best thing he’d seen in his life, he thought as he choked back a sob.

“I’m so proud of you,” He told you, “You’re doing so well.”

You felt your lip quiver as you took in his words, your body was aching despite all the drugs in your system. Everything hurt but Hotch was here, Hotch made everything better.

You slowly managed to squeeze his hand again, watching as he smiled down at your joined hands.

“You’re going to be out of here before you know it, yeah?” He asked, watching as you blinked tiredly at him. “We can go to that new restaurant that just opened and then maybe see if there are any good movies on?”

You tried to smile but you’re pretty sure all that happened was a brief purse of your lips but you watched Hotch’s face light up anyway.

Hotch continued to talk about all the things the two of you could do once you got better and you couldn’t think of a better way to fall asleep.

It was a while before you were finally discharged from the hospital, the rest of the team had been forced back to Quantico but Hotch took every bit of holiday time he had and used it to stay with you. Thankfully since your cardiac arrest you had been doing better though you still felt drained more often than not and had a few problems with dizzy spells but the doctors had explained how that was normal after both the cardiac arrest and blood loss.

You and Hotch had to stay in a hotel for three extra weeks as you weren’t cleared to fly until then. In the meantime Hotch and you shared a room, it was easier that way for him to check on you and honestly you didn’t want to be alone right now and Hotch was the only person you wanted to be with.

The two of you lay on the bed, his arms wrapped around you, holding you close as you rested your head on his chest. It was only early, around five pm, and despite the nap before you could still barely keep your eyes open.

“I’m so glad you’re ok.” Hotch murmured suddenly into the silence causing you to look up at him. “There were so many times I thought that was it, that you were gone and I just- I couldn’t-” He cut himself off, blinking back tears as he tightened his hold on you slightly.

“I’m ok.” You reminded him softly.

“You’re ok,” He repeated, “I can’t lose you, Y/N and this isn’t exactly how I wanted to tell you but I think we’ve waited long enough,” He told you with a chuckle, causing you to smile up at him softly. “I love you, Y/N, so much. I can’t picture my life with anybody else and honestly, I don’t want to, I just want you.”

Your smile widened as you listened to his words.

“I love you too, Aaron. I don’t want to picture my life with anybody else either.” You told him softly, shifting slightly so you were looking up at him and Aaron took that as all the permission needed to lean down and softly brush your lips together.

It was a kiss long overdue but neither of you rushed it, both content to show how you felt for each other in soft, slow movements, Hotch’s hands cupping your face as you smiled into the kiss.

When Hotch pulled away he didn’t go far, leaning his forehead against yours.

“I love you so much, sweetheart.”

“I love you too.” You smiled before leaning up to capture his lips again.

As far as rescue missions go, it wasn’t the greatest but the ending was pretty great.

___________

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Tell Me Your Secrets

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Fluff-uary Prompt - Long Conversations

Prompt - ‘Under the glow of the moon, I'll confess my deepest secrets to you and only you.’

To put it mildly Remus was exhausted, it was days after the last full moon and yet the ache in his bones still persisted, the deep cut of his torso kept opening with every little movement making Remus want to curl in a ball and not leave his bed. Even worse was the fact he had to smile and pretend like he wasn’t in agony, pretend that only nights before he hadn’t turned into a monster and clawed at his own skin.

All because he couldn’t tell you what he was.

You were absolutely perfect, a pure blood witch who, in Remus’ opinion, shouldn’t have given him another look and yet somehow here you were, so deeply rooted in his life that the thought of losing you hurt his heart more than the pain of his bones. Telling you wasn’t an option, not if he wanted to keep you but on days where the effects of the lycanthropy were at their most violent it was so hard to keep it a secret.

You knew something was wrong, watched day after day as Remus slumped over the table in the Great Hall, watched as the circles under his eyes got darker and darker, how he winced as he stood or grimaced as people brushed against him in the hallways. You watched him thoughtfully, not bringing it up to him yet, not when he looked as drained as he did.

You did pull Sirius aside one day to ask him, practically begged him to tell you what was happening with Remus but Sirius’ eyes had just turned sympathetic as he shook his head, it wasn’t his secret to tell.

Keeping your distance from Remus was hard, the two of you were practically attached at the hip, always having a hand interlocked with his, his arms slung around your shoulder or cuddling on the sofa in front of the fireplace. Now you were afraid to touch the man, not wanting to cause him any more pain and considering you didn’t know where or exactly how he’d gotten hurt you weren’t going to take any chances.

Remus, must as he hated to admit it, barely noticed your distance far too tired to focus on himself, yet alone anything else. He missed the concerned looks you shot him throughout the day, missed the way your mouth opened and shut several times as you almost asked him what was wrong but decided to keep silent instead.

James and Sirius watched everything though, they watched as you monitored Remus’ every move, shared sad smiles as they noticed everything their friend didn’t but they couldn’t force him to tell you his secret and they’d never tell you themselves. Still it was hard to watch their friends drift from each other without realising it.

The day, for Remus, seemed to drag on for far too long. He hadn’t gotten much sleep before, the constant ache that spread through his whole body had kept him tossing and turning, growling in frustration. Then on the way down to breakfast a first year student stumbled right into causing him to double over in pain, Sirius quickly pulling him into an empty classroom allowing his friend privacy as he caught his breath.

By the time he felt like he could walk again without wanting to crumble onto the floor they’d missed breakfast and the first ten minutes of class. Sirius easily took the blame as they walked into McGonagall’s class, both of them slipping into their seats. The rest of the day passed in a daze, Remus couldn’t recall a single detail of the day and by the time they were walking back into the common room, he was exhausted beyond belief.

He practically collapsed onto the sofa, Sirius, James and Peter all sharing concerned looks between the three of them as he did so. You watched from one of the chairs on the opposite side of the room, worrying at your lower lip as you did.

Remus sat with his eyes closed but it wasn’t long before he let out a low growl at the noise of the common room. Abruptly he stood up and made his way out, glaring at nothing in particular as he did so, no real destination in mind so long as it was quiet.

You watched the door to the common room close before your gaze shifted over to his friends, each of them looking as worried for Remus as you felt. You watched as they spoke quietly for a minute before they turned to look at you, you gave them a troubled look before Sirius stood up and made his way over to you, sitting casually on the arm of the chair, no one else aware of the worried thoughts in your heads.

“Go talk to him,” Sirius told you softly.

“He doesn’t want to talk to me,” You replied, just as quietly, turning to look up at him.

“Y/N, trust me you’re probably one of the few people he’ll talk to right now without biting their head off. I know he’s been distant lately but that’s not on you, he’s just…” Here Sirius trailed off and you looked at him, hoping he’d finally clue you in as to what was going on with Remus. “He needs you, Y/N/N.”

“How can I help him when nobody will even tell me what's wrong? I mean, how bad can it be?” You asked, watching as Sirius tried to hide a grimace.

“I already told you it’s not my place to say,” He repeated. He wanted you to know, he really did, he knew you wouldn’t break up with Remus over it and it wasn’t like you couldn’t be trusted with the secret but he knew how difficult it was for Remus, he knew the constant battle his friend thought he faced over losing you by telling you what he was. Sirius had told him more times than he could count that his fears were unfounded but Remus just shook his head and Sirius dropped the topic.

“Sirius,” You began, eyes wide as you pleaded with him but he cut you off.

“Please Y/N,” He said, his own eyes sad and apologetic, “just talk to him, he’s struggling.”

Sirius gave you a soft, encouraging smile before getting up and heading in the direction of the dormitories.

“I don’t even know where he went.” You called over to him watching as he turned to face you, walking backwards as the soft smile turned into a grin.

“Give me a minute.” He said, jogging up the stairs and murmuring a quick ‘I solemnly swear that I am up to no good’ before scanning the map for his friend's name.

“There you are,” He muttered to himself before closing the map and heading back down to the common room, jumping onto the couch causing James to roll his eyes though there was a smile on his face.

You rolled your own eyes as you pulled yourself out of the seat and over to Sirius, leaning over the couch.

“So,” You prompted, watching as he tilted his head back to face you.

“Astronomy tower.” He told you with a grin, laughing as you rolled your eyes again before pushing away from the sofa and following the path that would lead you to Remus.

You were silent as you stepped out onto the astronomy tower, eyes immediately drawn to Remus as he sat on the edge, letting his legs hang over. You watched as he stiffened, clearly not wanting company but you remembered Sirius’ words and walked closer to him, ready to leave if he asked you to.

Remus felt himself slowly relaxing as the two of you sat together in silence, both looking out at the horizon, watching as the sky turned pink and then orange as the sun set before you. It was in that moment Remus realised just how much he had shut himself off from you, realised how he’d gone days without talking to you without even noticing, realised that the secret was affecting his life much more so than he thought was possible.

It was then he knew he had to tell you, even if it meant losing you, he had to tell you. He wasn’t scared you’d out him, he knew he could trust you with his life, he knew you’d never use it against him, never hold it over his head even if you did decide to walk away.

“I’m sorry,” He began, voice soft so he didn’t break the peaceful atmosphere. He watched as you turned to face him, letting your cheek rest on the railing as you scanned his face and saw the nervousness that he was feeling.

“S’okay,” You told him, matching his tone, “Can I do anything to help?” You asked and Remus felt himself smile without meaning to because here you were, so absolutely beautiful and selfless, he had ignored you for days and the first thing you asked was could you help him.

God, he loved you.

“No baby, you can’t,” He said, the smile staying on his face as he shifted, sitting up straighter and letting his joined hands rest on the railings as he looked away from you. “Nothing can help me.”

“Remus, you know you can tell me anything, I might not be able to help you and I know you’ve got the boys but sometimes another perspective could help.” You told him.

“I love you so much,” He murmured, “You’re so good and I’m not,” You felt your eyebrows knit together in confusion but before you could interrupt he continued talking, “You deserve so much better, you deserve somebody good. Deserve somebody who isn’t a monster, somebody wh-”

“Remus,” You said, louder than the two of you had been speaking, causing his head to snap up to you as he realised he’d been rambling, “What are you talking about? You’re quite possibly the kindest person I have ever met.”

“I’m not, Y/N, I’m just not,” He told you, eyes filling with tears as he shook his head, “I’m not a good person, I’m a monster.”

You felt your eyes widen in worry as you watched him, thoughts racing trying to figure out what he was talking about but kept coming up short.

“Remus, sweetheart, you’ve got to talk to me.” You begged, shifting so you were sitting on your knees facing him.

“I’m a monster, Y/N,” He cried, the exhaustion he felt finally becoming too much.

“Hey, let’s take a breath, yeah?” You said as calmly as you could, taking a deep, slow exaggerated breath, watching as he copied you.

“I have to tell you, Y/N,” He said and you nodded, cupping his cheek and turning his face so he looked at you, feeling your heart ache as you saw the tears falling down his cheeks.

“You can tell me anything,” You prompted, brushing away some tears with your thumb, smiling sadly as he leaned into your touch, turning so his lips rested against your palm.

“I’m a werewolf,” He mumbled against your hand.

You felt your eyes widen at his confession, looking down at the man who refused to look at you, watched as he scrunched his eyes closed but tears continued to fall down.

It suddenly clicked in your head, the full moon had been only days ago and then Remus started distancing himself, wincing with each movement. Merlin, he must have been in some pain and the dark circles under his eyes suddenly made more sense.

Now that you had been told it made so much sense, too much sense in fact, and you could have slapped yourself for not piecing it together yourself. It also became clear why Sirius was adamantly against telling you himself and you felt your heart swell at his loyalness to his friend.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” He repeated after his confession was met with silence. “I’m so sorry, Y/N/N.”

“Hey, hey, it’s fine,” You told him, meaning those words, sure finding out your boyfriend was a were was a bit of a shock but ultimately, werewolf or not, he was still Remus, still the man you’d known since you were eleven, the man who had never failed to make you feel safe, the man who saw you crying in the first week of year one and sat with your for hours, handing you pieces of chocolate as he did, because you were home sick.

He was still Remus.

“Don’t say sorry, baby, it’s ok, everything’s fine, everything is gonna be fine.” You told him, pulling him close to you and resting his head on your chest as you held him close. Remus happily sunk into your embrace, something he was sure he would never feel again, and let his eyes close as he wrapped his arms around your waist.

The two of you held each other for a long while, neither of you daring to say anything but eventually Remus pulled away, shuffling backwards so his back was against the wall before he pulled you close to him, his arm wrapping around your waist. You easily went to him, letting your head rest on his shoulder.

“You ready to talk about it?” You asked, shifting to look up at him as he sighed.

“Yeah,” He said, taking a deep breath, “What do you want to know?”

You smiled up at him, starting with the obvious questions of when and how.

“I was four,” He told you, watching as you gasped and looked at him with those sad, wide eyes that just about broke his heart. “A werewolf called Fenrir Greyback bit me in the middle of the night because my father," Here he let out a bitter laugh, "Well let's just say he never had a kind word to say about werewolves and they didn't like that." Remus paused to swallow the lump in his throat and you took that moment to take his hand in yours, giving it a comforting squeeze. "My dad came in before Greyback could kill me but it was too late, I got something worse than death." He told you through clenched teeth.

“Remus,” You said softly when he stayed quiet but he shook his head before placing it on top of yours, giving himself a second to collect himself.

“Dumbledore’s the only reason I’m at Hogwarts, if anybody found out-” Here he cut himself off with a shake of his head. “Sirius, James and Peter, they all- they found out themselves, couldn’t just leave it alone. It’s hard to hide going missing once a month though when you share a dorm with them. When they told me they knew I just, I felt sick. They were some of the first friends I had ever had and now they knew, I thought they’d hate me forever but then Sirius just patted me on the back and told me not to be an idiot, told me I was still Remus.”

“You are still Remus,” You told him, looking up at him so he could see you meant the words. You watched him relax, the tension falling away as he took the words in.

“Thank you,” He whispered.

“Remus, I love you, werewolf or not. I’ll be honest it’s a bit of a shock but I’m glad you told me because I hated this week, hated knowing there was something wrong and I couldn’t fix it.”

“You still can’t fix it, baby.” Remus told you softly, a smile making its way onto his face, he was so overwhelmed by you, by your kindness, by your acceptance.

“I know but at least now I can be there for you.” You said, smiling up at him and Remus felt his love for you deepen, something he didn’t think was possible but here you were shocking him once more.

“I love you so much.” He said before he leaned down to kiss you soft and slowly, trying to convey just how much he meant those words, convey just how grateful he was for you, grateful for the fact you still wanted him.

“I love you too,” You smiled once the two of you pulled away from each other, resting your foreheads together.

You don’t know how long the two of you sat up on the astronomy tower for, talking quietly to each other, before the temperature dropped to the point that you were shivering. Remus stood up first, holding a hand out for you and helping you up.

You watched him wince as the two of you descended down the long flight of stairs.

“Do you want to go and see Madam Pomfrey? You know she’ll give you a pain potion.” You asked him in concern.

“It’s ok, baby,” He said with a smile, “They don’t work too well anymore.”

You gave him a sad smile but let it go and let him lead you back to the common room. Murmuring the password Remus held the door open for you and you made your way in, noticing that despite the lateness Sirius, James and Peter were still in the room exactly where you had left them all those hours ago, looking over at you and Remus with questioning looks.

Remus rolled his eyes fondly but made his way over to them, joining Sirius on the couch and pulling you down with him. You smiled as you cuddled into his chest, watching as the others all let out a collective sigh of relief.

“She knows?” James asked, looking from you to Remus.

“She knows.” Remus confirmed, smiling down at you as he wrapped his arms around you.

“And we’re all good?” Sirius asked, this question directed towards you causing Remus to let out a huff of laughter.

“Yeah Sirius, we’re all good.” You told him with a smile, meaning the words.

As Remus watched you and Sirius begin playfully bantering, James joining in too he couldn’t help but smile at the sight. Somehow he had ended up here, an amazing girl by his side who hadn’t given his lycanthropy a second thought when she thought about being with him, a group of friends who had welcomed him despite everything, who had spent three years of their lives figuring out how to become animagus’ just to help him.

He had no idea how he had gotten so lucky but he decided not to question, not tonight at least. Instead he kissed the top of your head and joined in the conversation, he had gotten pretty lucky to have you all with him and he wouldn’t waste a single moment he had with any of you.

_________

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hi, did you know that all the marvel shows are leaving netflix on march 1st!

hey, omg I heard!! I really hope they're just moving them over to disney plus or something🤞🏼🤞🏼

Not Getting Rid of Me

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Febuwhump Prompt - Black Eye

Prompt - ‘It's been a rough few days and nothing sounds better than falling asleep in your arms.’

The air around you was hot, too hot, to the point where you could feel the sweat dripping off you. The heat, it was never a good thing when mixed with exhaustion and today was no exception as you listened as the group argued amongst themselves, glancing back at you every so often as you sat with your hands cuffed to the chair.

“I’m tellin’ ya she knows ‘im.” One of the men insisted, pointing over at you like that would help make his point.

“Man, I’m tired of hearing your damn voice. We’ve been at this for two days, she ain’t saying shit and Castle ain’t comin’ for her.” Another said as he pushed against the first man's chest.

“You wanna do that again?” The first man said, stepping forward only to be shoved back by the man you assumed was in charge.

“Shut the hell up, the pair of ya,” He snapped before he walked over to you and squatted down. From here you could see the beads of sweat on his own forehead. “Now girly, we don’t wanna be hurting ya but the thing is Frank Castle hurt a lot of my men so now I gotta deal with that, you understand, right sweetheart?”

You licked your looks, raising an eyebrow at the man before you tilted your head back only to bring it smashing down against his seconds later, eyes scrunching in pain as you pulled away before you pried them open to see the man on the floor holding his bleeding nose.

“Oh, you’re gonna regret that doll.” He warned you, spitting out a mouthful of blood as his friends helped him stand.

“Call me doll again and you’ll be the one regretting it.” You snarled, tugging against your restraints as you cursed the day you ever met Frank Castle whilst also begging for him to hurry up and find you.

“I like you, such a feisty thing ain’t ya? Too bad I gotta kill ya, slowly, painfully, coulda been nice, keepin’ ya around.” He said, brushing a strand of hair from your face causing you to lean back as far as you could with a glare. “Hell, I’ll make ya a deal, just tell me about the big, bag Punisher and I let you go.”

“I already told you,” You repeated for the twenty fifth time in the past two days, “I don’t know Frank Castle.”

“Ya expecting me to believe that, are ya? No, no, no, ya see I know ya lying to me, girly, my man said he saw Castle sneaking in and outta ya apartment, so no more bullshit now, alright? Just tell us where he is.” The man said and you didn’t even bother to respond, just shifted in your seat as you stared up at him, defiantly jutting your chin out causing him to grin.

“Ya really are a tough little thing, ain’t ya?” He told you before he swung his fist back and let it connect to your face, a pained cry leaving your lips as his brass knuckles connected with your cheek, cutting into the skin as blood leaked from the wounds.

“That was just a warning.” He told you before his fist hit your cheek once more as you desperately tried to blink back tears, face scrunched up in pain as you felt more blood pool around the cuts and slide down your cheeks.

Frank smashed the low life’s race against the brick wall before dragging him back using the strong grip he had on the guy's hair.

“I’m only gonna ask you this once more,” Frank murmured into his ear, “Who’s looking for me?”

The guy denied all knowledge once again and Frank grinned.

“Alright,” he said, pulling the guy's head back and getting ready to smash it against the wall again.

“Wait, wait, wait, maybe I know somethin’.” He said, causing Frank to pause just before his face connected with the wall. “Yeah, yeah, The Punisher right, s’what they’re callin’ you, yeah maybe some guys were talking bout you.”

“What guys?” Frank asked, losing his patience, two days of punching, shooting and killing people in this heat wave and he was still no closer to finding you.

He knew, he knew he should’ve been more careful, knew he should never have got involved with you because something like this was always going to happen.

“I don’t know,,” he said and Frank pulled his head back and the guy began sputtering again, “whoa hold up man, hold up, they were British right, they were British, s’all I know, s’all I know, s’all I know.”

Frank threw the guy on the ground and turned away, walking away with his guns drawn knowing exactly who had taken you.

It didn’t take him long to pull up to a bar, flinging the doors open and standing in the doorway with his gun raised. The room fell silent as the bartender raised a hand non threateningly, the other reaching beneath the bar.

“We don’t want any trouble.” He said, British accent filling the silence.

“You’re gonna tell me where she is and you’re gonna tell me now.” Frank said quietly, calmly, shooting a bullet into the man’s shoulder as he drew his own gun.

“I said,” he said, pressing the gun against the guy’s chest, “you’re gonna tell me where she is.”

“Hey, I don’t know who you’re talking about!” He protested.

“The guys following me took my girl, I don’t appreciate that much, so you’re gonna tell me where they’re hiding her or I’m gonna kill you, slowly, maybe I start by cutting off your fingers one at a time-“

“Alright, alright, their secrets aren’t worth my life,” the bartender gave in easily, raising his hands, “there’s a warehouse, not too far from here, that’s where they’re holdin’ her, I swear.”

Frank got the directions before he headed out of the bar, slamming the door of his van shut as he hit the gas, breaking every speeding law but that was the best of his long list of crimes.

You watched as the man lifted a pair of pliers off the work table before he crouched down in front of you.

“Now dear, this is only gonna hurt a hell of a lot.” He told you with a grin before he placed the pliers under one of your fingernails and began to pull, causing you to let out a scream.

Frank climbed out of the car, freezing as he heard your scream echo from somewhere inside the building. It took him a second to shake himself into action, grabbing his guns and making quick, but quiet, work of sneaking into the warehouse, hating that he had to follow the sound of your screams.

You withered against the restraints as your fingernails were pulled off, slowly and painfully, throwing you head back in agony. As the man moved onto the next fingernail you bucked up against the seat, trying to move any part of your body but you couldn’t, ankles and wrists tied to the chair and you let out another scream, sobbing loudly as you pleaded with him to stop, begging him.

“You want it to stop?” He laughed, shoving his face under yours. “All you have to do is tell me where the big, bad punisher is.”

You sobbed, panting for breath at the short break you were given before you shook your head, mouthing the word ‘no’ repeatedly but no sound came out.

“No, no,” he laughed, looking down at you in disbelief before over to the others in the room. “You believe this girl? Tough bitch.”

You started screaming again as he took one of your nailless finger tips in his hand, squeezing down painfully before the sound of gunshots filled the room.

You looked up, forcing your eyes open before slumping in your seat in utter relief as you watched Frank shoot down the men in the room before he marched over and grabbed the man hurting you, throwing him up against the wall and aiming the gun right between his eyes.

“You think you can touch my girl?” He snarled, pressing the gun painfully against the guy's head causing him to try and shake it off but Frank was giving him no room to move. “Hey, you think just cause you got beef with me that means you can touch my girl!”

“Hey, relax, she’s fine.” The guy said, making things worse for himself.

“Oh she’s fine is she?” Frank asked sarcastically, “Yeah cause the way I see it is my girls strapped to a chair, missing two fingernails and sporting some nasty cuts and a black eye, so you wanna tell me she’s fine again?”

The guy realised he had no way out, his men were dead on the floor and he’d pissed Frank Castle off big time. So he whimpered pathetically as he began begging for his life but Frank just smirked at him.

“You know, you’re real lucky my girl needs me right now otherwise I’d make you suffer, I’d hurt you the way you hurt her and then some but she needs me so I guess a good ol’ fashion bullet is just gonna have to do the trick.”

“No, no, no, please, please.” The guy’s cries were silenced as the sound of a single gunshot echoed around the room before Frank turned to you, crouching in front of you and cupping your injury free cheek.

“Hey, you’re alright baby, I’m here.” Frank kept up his steady, soft stream of reassuring words as he freed you of your restraints before helping you stand, wrapping your arm around him as he took your weight and practically carried you out of the room.

The drive home was silent as you clung to Frank’s hand, his thumb brushing over your skin comfortingly and it wasn’t long before you were at his apartment and being led to his bedroom and settled gently in the bed, sat up with the covers around you.

Frank was gentle as he cleaned your fingers, pressing kisses around the skin when you winced and whimpered then he turned his attention to your face. He was careful as he cleaned the cuts, thankful that they were only shallow and only needed a quick clean.

He let his thumb brush just below your bruised eyes, wincing as you winced.

“I’m so, so sorry, baby.” He murmured, eyes wide as he took in your injuries. “I never should have let this happen, told you you were better off without me and let you talk me around.”

“Hey, you’re not getting rid of me, Frank.” You laughed shakily and he let out a huff of laughter because here you were in pain and injured because of him and instead of feeling sorry for yourself which you had every right to do you were taking his hand in his and looking up at him with a comforting smile.

“Should let me go,” He said quietly, shifting so he lay next to you with his head resting on your hair and his arms around you, “should tell me to walk out of that damn door and never come back.”

“Or I could tell you that I’ve had a really hard few days and all I want to do is fall asleep with you next to me.” You said, pulling back to tilt your head up at him.

He couldn’t help the soft smile that pulled on his lips before he leaned down to press a kiss to your forehead, letting his lips linger there for a few moments before he pulled away and helped you lay down, taking you back into his arms and holding you close, mindful of your injuries.

“Never gonna let you out of my sight again.” He mumbled into your hair, smiling at the soft chuckle you let out as you cuddled closer to him.

“Sounds good to me.” You told him sleepily, feeling your eyelids blinking closed and not having the energy to open them again.

“Go t’sleep, baby, I’m right here.” And you did as the man said because despite everything you knew there was no safer place than at Frank Castle’s side.

_______________

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