Wednesday Series - Tumblr Posts
Yoko: I just think it’s embarrassing that every time Wednesday is around you, you lose all kinds of common sense.
Enid: I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Yoko: Hey, Wednesday, can you stand here for a minute.
Wednesday: Okay…?
Yoko: Enid, name a fruit that’s yellow.
Enid: Orange.
Wednesday:
Yoko:
Enid: Fuck
Yoko: Who do you think is most likely to disappear without any trace? A) Wednesday Addams -
Enid: Smash.
Yoko: First of all, that’s not the game we’re playing. Second of all, I didn’t even get to list all the options.
Enid: Oh, in that case, kiss Wednesday, marry Wednesday, kill anyone who comes between us.
Yoko: Enid, no!
Wednesday: Can I ask you something?
Enid: Of course.
Wednesday: Why do you want to hit me?
Enid: What? I don’t.
Wednesday: Really? Because I overheard you talking about me to Yoko and you said ‘I’d hit that’.
Enid: Oh…I don’t…I mean…I was just…Oh no
Wednesday: You okay?
Enid: I suddenly desire an early death.
Enid: I have something important to tell you.
Wednesday: Oh man, did you kill the janitor in a werewolf rage?
Enid: What? No.
Wednesday: Did you buy an instrument and found out after one day, it isn’t for you, but for the sake of your reputation kept going?
Enid: That’s really random. No, I-
Wednesday: Did you go fishing and got the hook stuck in your neck.
Enid: No, this is about you and me.
Wednesday: Oh my god, are the nazis back?
Enid: How is that about us?
Wednesday: The nazis being back can be so personal.
Enid: Could you just stop talking for a moment? I wanted to tell you that I’m in love with you.
Wednesday: Oh. Well, I never would have guessed THAT.
Enid: Nobody asked you to guess, Wednesday!
Wednesday: In an attempt to show my dedication to this relationship, I’ve researched modern pop culture and put this music on for you.
Enid: What is that?
Wednesday: A playlist I found.
Enid: Are those bird calls?
Wednesday: This is not rap music?
Enid: Oh, I see your mistake. See you typed TOUCAN. I’m sure you meant TUPAC.
Wednesday: Is Toucan not as skilled as Tupac?
Enid: It’s a different type of music, I guess.
Wednesday: In what way?
Enid: Well, in the way that one of them isn’t music at all.
Yoko: What’s going on between you two?
Enid: We’re having an argument.
Yoko: About what?
Wednesday: About Enid always using common phrases incorrectly.
Enid: Cry me a table, Wednesday.
Ajax: So, I was trying to pull my phone out of my pocket, got stuck on a string and in an attempt to pull myself free, I fell out of the window.
Wednesday: It’s like you only have half a brain and it’s made out of gum. How is it that you don’t regularly forget to breath?
Enid: Someone once had to perform CPR on me after I almost drowned chasing a cute duck into the river.
Wednesday:
Wednesday, breathing hard: That could happen to anyone.
Enid: Wanna watch Scream 6?
Wednesday: No, I’m done watching Scream.
Enid: Why’s that?
Wednesday: I’ve been told my constant desire to relate to fictional serial killers isn’t appropriate for my environment.
Enid: You relate to Ghostface?!
Wednesday: Well, in all honesty, when Tara said she was into ELEVATED horror, I thought they didn’t quite stab her enough for that. Only seven stab wounds for saying you’re favorite horror movie is The Babadook? She should have died then and there.
Enid: Let’s skip the movie, living with you is horrifying enough.
Wednesday: You can trust me. Let's not forget who pulled you out of this mess today.
Enid: Let's not forget who DRAGGED me into it in the first place either.
Enid: “Sleepy” is so much cuter than “tired”. Everyone needs to stop saying “tired” and start saying “sleepy”!
Wednesday: I am so sleepy of your shit.
Enid, getting a call: Hello?
Wednesday: Hey, it’s Wednesday. I’m at a payphone-
Enid: Trying to call home.
Wednesday: Yeah
Enid: All of my change I spent on you.
Wednesday: What-
Enid: Where have the times gone?
Wednesday: Enid
Enid: Baby, it’s all wrong. Where are the plans we made for two?
Wednesday: Are you done?
Enid: Yes, haha, what’s up?
Wednesday: I’ve been stabbed, I need you to come pick me up.
Enid: WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY THAT FIRST?!?
Wednesday: I feel like this is on you.
Enid: Hey Wednesday, have you ever been arrested?
Wednesday: Yes, i have. How could you tell?
Enid: I was gonna say it's illegal to be that attractive but now i'm curious
Wednesday: Aggravated assault.
Enid: You never crack any jokes, why's that?
Wednesday:
Wednesday: Why was 10 afraid?
Enid: Because 7-8-9? Honestly, Wednesday, I've heard that one-
Wednesday: No, because it was in the middle of 9 11.
Enid: ..So that's why
Yoko: Hey Addams, I haven’t heard from your girl for a bit. Is she okay?
Wednesday: I convinced Enid to appreciate my Mother’s gift of a haunted porcelain doll. I said to her ‘If you cannot handle a simple possessed doll, it casts doubt on your capacity as a mother to our future children.’
Yoko: ooooh guilt trip! What did she say?
A doll in a frilly pink dress comes running past with a frightened squirrel tucked under its arm.
Enid running in hot pursuit: Polly you put that down right now! I swear you’re going in time out!
Yoko:
Wednesday: To answer your question, she replied ‘alright, bet’
Enid: you can never say ‘bubbles’ in a threatening way
Wednesday: ?????
[10 minutes later]
Bianca: Enid, why is Wednesday angrily screaming ‘bubbles’ on the roof?
Enid: I’m bored. Let’s do something fun.
Wednesday: What do you have in mind?
Enid: Let’s play some childhood games. Get that old school joy.
Wednesday: Alright. Tag, you’re it. *stabs Yoko*
Enid: Wednesday! Oh my god!!
Yoko: *casually pulls the knife out* Could you not do that right now? I’m trying to read.
Wednesday: Did that bring you joy, Enid?
Enid: I don’t- *faints*
Wednesday: I’m going to take that as a no.
Yoko: For what it’s worth, I thought it was hilarious.
I’m convinced that Wednesday Addams is actually a really talented artist. She just doesn't show her work to anyone because she doesn't care about other people's opinions.
Enid leaning over Wednesday's desk: So I was thinking ...
Wednesday, still writing homework: You do that often. And say it out loud as well.
Enid: Ahem! Anyway, we need a date night that does not involve murder or crime.
Wednesday: I enjoy both of those things. But will admit they can get tedious when repeated
Enid: So if I bought us tickets to the opera, you'd be down?
Wednesday: Yes. It isn't K-pop or a wretched mainstream film. I'll accompany you, Mi Loba
Enid squeals, wrapping her Raven in practically a choke hold of a hug
Wednesday, tiny voice: If I live through this
Twenty four hours later, the Raven and the Wolf run out of the burning opera house among a panicked crowd
Wednesday: You can't blame me for this!
Enid: I know, I know. Just what are the odds the ghost of a 19th century composer decides to seek revenge on date night?
Wednesday: Yes, we are quite lucky
Enid:
Wednesday: I mean damn, we are so cursed. Tragically.
Xavier and Ajax are playing video games when Goody appears behind the TV.
Ajax: Holy shit dude!
Xavier: Damn Wednesday you can't just pop out of walls at us
Goody: I am Goody Addams, dead yet lingering. Wednesday is my descendant.
Ajax: Bro, its a ghost!
Xavier: Okay, so why are you haunting us instead of Wednesday?
Goody: I interrupted what Enid called their 'makeout sesh'. She bid me 'go haunt Creepytown or Loserville so we have privacy'
Xavier:
Goody: Wednesday said both locations were in this room and gave me directions.
Enid sighs loudly while doom scrolling on her phone
Goody Addams: I see how you mourn the absence of my kinswoman
Enid spits out her juice: Aaaugh who the fudge are you??
Goody: I am the ancestor of your roommate
Enid: woah. So you are the Ghost of Wednesdays Past?
Goody:
Goody: you spake the King’s English but I do not ken your words
Enid: Okies. How about we watch some movies so you pick up on modern terms?
Goody: what is a movie?
Ten hours later Wednesday encounters Enid passed out on her bed with Goody intensely staring at a laptop
Wednesday: Goody! What have you done to Enid?
Goody frowns over the head of a snoring Enid: Quiet, young Raven. You'll awaken your lady love.
Wednesday: You cannot just occupy my side of the bed!
Goody: I said hush. I shall leave soon. Heathers is not done and I relish the mayhem of J.D.
Wednesday: never an exorcist when you need one