Wizardblogging - Tumblr Posts
your honor, i maintain that the prosecution’s video is being played in reverse. in actuality i came upon a village that was already on fire and sucked up all the flames into my special magic wand. i then moonwalked in the wrong direction for some reason
if I wizardpost hard enough I will be able to transcend to the spooky wizard dimension
Free worldbuilding idea:
Wizards have the same trust in magic that software designers have in software, which is to say, almost none at all.
“Are you fucking kidding me I worked in a reagrent shop for a few years I don’t trust any of that stuff. Who the hell knows what other components are in the ashes.”
“Yeah I was in the circle that made Alston’s Divine Circle of Teleportation. There’s some pretty nasty corner cases you can get into but the headmaster published it without us. I just take ships. It’s way safer.”
“I call bullshit on that Necromancer channeling spirits of loved ones. What did he say he was using? ‘Medium Conduit Ruinic Circles’? That’s just a bunch of buzzwords slapped together, and they don’t even interact with each other.”
“I’ve been looking at this scroll all morning and I’m 90% sure that the scribe didn’t even look at the standard for pyromancies.”
oh you're a wizard huh? are you delving deep into the mysteries of the arcane? or are you just copying invocations from other people's spellbooks that you found on cauldronoverflow without fully understanding what they mean?
"Don't be ridiculous, Harry, how could I possibly cast a counterspell? I'm tapped out! I already used *all* of my mana. I'm sure a supercop like you can tell that all my lands are tapped. Go ahead, cast your big bomb. We both know you want to, and you know what, *I* want it too, I want nothing more than to see your Craterhoof Behemoth hit the board so you can win the game, because we're all friends here and friends help each other win!"
Oh shit I just realized I can post the "Gaussian Blur Wizard That Gaussian Blurs You" here
ONE wizard steals ONE riding lawn mower and suddenly there’s no wizards allowed in the shop. This is bullshit.
I'm a big fan of wizards-as-programmers, but I think it's so much better when you lean into programming tropes.
A spell the wizard uses to light the group's campfire has an error somewhere in its depths, and sometimes it doesn't work at all. The wizard spends a lot of his time trying to track down the exact conditions that cause the failure.
The wizard is attempting to create a new spell that marries two older spells together, but while they were both written within the context of Zephyrus the Starweaver's foundational work, they each used a slightly different version, and untangling the collisions make a short project take months of work.
The wizard has grown too comfortable reusing old spells, and in particular, his teleportation spell keeps finding its components rearranged and remixed, its parts copied into a dozen different places in the spellbook. This is overall not actually a problem per se, but the party's rogue grows a bit concerned when the wizard's "drying spell" seems to just be a special case of teleportation where you teleport five feet to the left and leave the wetness behind.
A wizard is constantly fiddling with his spells, making minor tweaks and changes, getting them easier to cast, with better effects, adding bells and whistles. The "shelter for the night" spell includes a tea kettle that brings itself to a boil at dawn, which the wizard is inordinately pleased with. He reports on efficiency improvements to the indifference of anyone listening.
A different wizard immediately forgets all details of his spells after he's written them. He could not begin to tell you how any of it works, at least not without sitting down for a few hours or days to figure out how he set things up. The point is that it works, and once it does, the wizard can safely stop thinking about it.
Wizards enjoy each other's company, but you must be circumspect about spellwork. Having another wizard look through your spellbook makes you aware of every minor flaw, and you might not be able to answer questions about why a spell was written in a certain way, if you remember at all.
Wizards all have their own preferences as far as which scripts they write in, the formatting of their spellbook, its dimensions and material quality, and of course which famous wizards they've taken the most foundational knowledge from. The enlightened view is that all approaches have their strengths and weaknesses, but this has never stopped anyone from getting into a protracted argument.
Sometimes a wizard will sit down with an ancient tome attempting to find answers to a complicated problem, and finally find someone from across time who was trying to do the same thing, only for the final note to be "nevermind, fixed it".
Pondering my scrolls (going over lecture slides) as I face the side effects of dark magic (I have a cold).
I don't cast "wretched little spells" I cast grandiose and powerful incantations. Which just also happen to be wretched
There's a gap in my resume because for two years I was serving ruinous powers
me documenting the items i must acquire for my quest after consulting the oracle so that i am able to obtain what i need
(writing what i dont have in the community centre bundles after checking the wiki so that i can use the item id cheat for the expensive things and lose my mind fishing and farming and mining for days on end)
spellbook gotta be the best casting catalyst. i get to doodle funny lil guys next to my arcane runes
spellbook gotta be the best casting catalyst. i get to doodle funny lil guys next to my arcane runes
I should be back in my wizard tower, studying the basic building blocks of the color purple. But society forces me to go work in the bog mine. Why are we even mining bog anyway what’s the point
I should be back in my wizard tower, studying the basic building blocks of the color purple. But society forces me to go work in the bog mine. Why are we even mining bog anyway what’s the point
missing some material components for some spells rn because I thought they were treats last night 😔