Unstable Emotions

Unstable Emotions

I either feel nothing

Or everything

There is no in-between

I feel everything so deeply

Yet I feel empty

I try to fill the void

Alcohol

Sex

Smoking

I feel good momentarily

But then it fades away

And I’m back to where I was before

I get irritated and angry over the smallest things

I lash out

When I fall in love,

It is intense and fierce

Yet it’s as stable as a chair missing a leg

I’m terrified of losing people

I’m afraid they’ll abandon me

I cling onto them in fear

I’m so insecure

About everyone and everything

I don’t know why

I don’t know what’s wrong with me

Why am I like this?

I go to bed Every. Single. Fucking. Night. wondering why having me wasn’t enough for you.

(via no-understxnding)

Take me to a place where my heart doesn’t hurt so much.

(via melindacarolinee)

Drunken Feelings

I can’t get you off my mind.

“I’m sorry.” 

You said.

“Are you okay?”

You asked.

Through a forced smile I say,

“I’m fine.”

But I’m not fine.

I feel like my whole world is collapsing.

I want you.

I need you.

Why can’t you see?

I’ve fallen in love with you.

I miss your arms around me.

I miss the feeling of your lips on my lips.

I miss feeling your body pressed up against mine.

I miss the deep conversations we would have at 2AM.

“We can still remain friends.”

You said.

I shouldn’t have agreed.

My heart hurts every time I see you.

All the feelings I try to keep bottle up come rushing back.

My heart aches when I see your name pop up on my phone.

I used alcohol to try and drown out your face.

It didn’t work.

It just makes me miss you even more.

It makes me feel my emotions tenfold.

It makes me cry out with frustration and anguish.

I miss you.

I need you.

Why did you make me fall in love with you?

Grateful

I tend to forget.

I should be grateful.

For those, I have met.

Each person taught me a lesson.

Good and bad.

One taught me to how to love,

As well as heartbreak.

A friend taught me bitterness,

As well as forgiveness.

Another taught me comfort,

As well as trust.

One friend taught me how to let go,

And have fun.

Another friend gave me comfort

When I needed it.

I’m so grateful for everyone I met.

I don’t say it enough.

They all taught me to be happy.

Even on my bad days.

Logging into Tumblr on October 1st and seeing everyone like: