TW: Ass Spanking, Dazai Harassment, Reposted Since I Accidentally Deleted The Original Post

TW: Ass spanking, Dazai harassment, reposted since I accidentally deleted the original post😭

"I'm not exactly sure if I wanna have this conversation with you"

Standing in front of the desk, DAZAI chuckled as he leaned over to have a bigger influence on his coworker. Mischief was sparkling in his hazel eyes, and the smile he had on was known to be a symbol of his goofiness.

"You see Kunikida, I'm just sad for all the things you're missing out on"

Kunikida didn't even raise his head to look at him. He merely kept typing his —actually Dazai's— report while postponing beating the shit out of him, partly for the report and partly for the sake of their current conversation. Regardless of his lack of interest, Dazai joyfully continued rambling in his ear about women.

"If there's one thing I find tolerable in this dull, unamusing world, it's definitely the ladies. Ah, when my eyes fall on their enchanting faces and they smile at me, the pleasure is like sucking the soul out of my restless frame"

"...That doesn't sound healthy or charming at all, Dazai"

"You don't get it!" The brunet dramatically shook his head to the side. "I guess you never will, until you fall in the grasp of their delicate arms, and taste their sweet chap stick"

"If you don't shut up I will smack you with this laptop"

"Ah the second your lips lock, she softly hums and loses herself into you, hands travelling on your neck to your earlobe, And you only sigh and softly bite her bottom lip. And then my favorite part, which is when you gently lower your hands on his waist and squeeze her—"

Slap!

Suddenly, silence was the loudest thing in the room instead of his partner's voice, and this uncalled for event made Kunikida look up to see what caused this enjoyable occurrence, only to be met with Dazai's dumbfounded expression and widened eyes pointing at you, who was standing behind him, holding your hand with an irritated face.

"Ouch! That hurt! Your thin ass is just bones ain't it?"

Dazai was still lost for words, speechlessly looking back at you. You on the other hand, simply rolled your eyes and walked away. "Huh! I guess you really are just an asshole. You bony ass better not have broken my fucking hand"

Nobody spoke for a minute. The man put an arm on his ass and tried to figure out what the hell had just happened, when he heard the blonde's teasing voice.

"I think you should start saving for a butt implant"

OK I'm writing hate sex with Sigma in college au who wants to be tagged😋

Let me know through comments

Me & my hubby!

—When you accidentally introduce your boyfriend as your husband

Fandom: Bungou Stray Dogs

Pairings: Dazai, Chuuya, Fyodor, Ranpo, Akutagawa, Jouno X Fem!Reader

Genre: Fluff, Humor

Format: Drabble

Warnings: Suggestive content in Dazai's

Word Count: 1.6K

A/n: This is very rushed so sorry if its not well written

↳Osamu Dazai

As the door of the fitting room opened, your boyfriend came into sight. The white tuxedo hugged his slim frame perfectly, making his tall figure stand out even more. The color had given him an elegant look, which nearly made you wonder if he was the playful guy you were dating.

Dazai smirked as he picked up on your stun and flashed you a cheeky smirk. "Like what you see, Bella? You're staring a little too hard you know~"

Suddenly the fitting room seemed like the perfect place to show him how much you actually liked his new look. It didn't matter if you made a mess out of the tux, since you were about to buy it anyway.

"Oh Osamu... You should wear white more often"

"Everything alright here?"

The salesclerk was checking up on you with a warm smile.

"Ah yes! We would like to buy this one. It looks gorgeous on my husband"

You didn't exactly pay attention to your words, but seeing Dazai's eyebrows jump in surprise made you question your statement, and...

Oh.

Anxiety washed over you as you weren't exactly unfamiliar with your partner's commitment issues, but much to your surprise, Dazai wasn't upset nor terrified; his huge ass grin was showing off his joy and flatter.

"I'm her husband!"

For god's sake.

The salesclerk on the other hand was looking at you oddly, probably questioning her life choices.

"Ah, ok. Well then would you mind taking the tuxedo off? I'll wrap it up for you"

A snicker left your boyfriend's lips as he pulled you close by your waist. "Sure, but I might need my wife's help to take my clothes off. Will you be kind enough to help me out, Anata?"

"Oh shut up already!"

↳Chuuya Nakahara

One of the benefits of working at the same organization was that when your boyfriend had a mission overseas, you could go with him.

You had just arrived to your hotel after a five hour flight, which made you tired as hell since you couldn't sleep on the airplane. Although that wasn't enough to lessen your excitement for going on what could be some kind of a trip after you finish the job.

"Have you made a reservation beforehand ma'am?"

"No, it was kind of rushed. Would that be a problem?"

The receptionist shook his head to the side. "Not at all. Lucky for you, we still have some rooms available"

The door of the hotel opened and Chuuya came in, approaching you with your luggage in his hand. You looked back at the receptionist. "Great! Then I'd like a room for two people. We're going to be here for a while since my husband needs to take care of some stuff from work; right, honey?"

Chuuya froze in the spot and a light shade of crimson appeared on his cheeks. This was definitely unexpected. It made him feel butterflies in his stomach in a good way and somehow questioned all the logic that made him avoid thinking about the future of your relationship.

"Well your husband doesn't seem to be sure" The receptionist commented in a humorous way. "Alright then, here's your key"

On the way to your room there was a silence that couldn't exactly be marked as "uncomfortable". Chuuya was wearing a warm smile yet so drowned in his thoughts that you refused to take him out of his zone. However, when you reached the door, he suddenly lifted you up, making you suddenly gasp and gaze at him with astonishment.

"What are you doing?"

"What a good husband is supposed to do"

The familiar beam was back on his face.

"I'm carrying my wife to our shared hotel room"

↳Ranpo Edogawa

"Ranpo! You can't eat this whole cake!"

Going to the bakery had become some sort of tradition since you and your boyfriend started dating. You went there every afternoon, tasted the new pastries, you lectured him to not get carried away and he stopped you by shoving a cookie in your mouth. That was pretty much repetitive, except that something extra was coming along today.

"I can and I will. That's why it's called sample y/n" He munched on his cheesecake, delighted by the sweet taste lingering in his mouth.

"Well Mr. detective, It's a sample so you should just take one bite and then move on! If you like it then just buy one!"

The baker chuckled and walked toward you. She knew you since you were regulars there, and she had enough respect for the president to not throw a tantrum over a few pieces of cake. "It's alright Miss y/n. Let the man eat his sweets"

"You don't understand ma'am! My husband eats way too much sweets and that's not healthy at all! What if he comes down with diabetes or something?!"

Ranpo stopped chewing for a brief second and looked at you from the corner of his eye. The lady on the other hand, was more excited than shocked. "You got married? Oh! Congratulations! It's nice to know that Mr. Ranpo has finally settled down!"

You didn't know if you should correct yourself or hide your red cheeks. "I— I meant that— " "Please have some more cake! They're on the house. Consider them a gift from me"

As she left you alone, you finally turned to your boyfriend to see his reaction, which was exactly the way you expected it to be; smug and playful. "Ah, I went into this marriage with so much hope"

"Oh grow up!"

↳Fyodor Dostoevsky

"How's your steak honey?" You asked, looking at your boyfriend with curiosity. He had been taking bites reluctantly, swallowing without actually tasting the meat.

"It's burnt to a crisp, even though I ordered it medium rare" He gently wiped his mouth with the napkin, placing the cutlery on the table. You gave the dish a once over and flagged the waiter down. After a while he approached your table. "Is there a problem, ma'am?"

"Yes. My husband ordered his steak medium rare and as you can see, this is not what he asked for"

My... Husband?

"Eh, so... He'd like his steak... Medium rare... Please?" Awkwardness was hitting you and you really didn't want to be alone with Fyodor right now, but unfortunately, you were on a date and there were no way to escape from it.

The waiter excused himself after apologizing and taking the plate back to the kitchen. He did find your sudden change of expression odd, but he didn't say anything since he wasn't asking for less tip. However, Fyodor was completely ready to bring it up. You could tell that based on his grin, but you were doing your best not to face him at that moment.

Not that it was enough to stop him.

"How's your pasta Mrs. Dostoevsky?" "Fedya! Stop!"

↳Ryuunosuke Akutagawa

Getting sick on valentine's day was not originally your plan, but at least you got to visit the doctor together. You were now waiting for the secretary to call your names.

"How long should we wait?"

Covering your mouth with a tissue, you lightly coughed. "Anytime now. All the people ahead of us went inside"

Akutagawa glanced at the door of the doctor's office and nodded. He had made a reservation at your favorite restaurant today and was planning to take you to some place nice afterwards, get on one knee and ask you to spend the rest of your life with him, but you suddenly got sick. It's not like he could be mad at you. It was not your fault, but... It seemed like the perfect opportunity. The perfect day for a memorable gesture...

"Mrs. Akutagawa! You're up"

Akutagawa.

She was referring to you, with his last name.

You had introduced yourself as Akutagawa. He was sure you did it accidentally since your face was redder than a tomato now, but still, he never thought hearing it would feel so... special.

The raven-haired man held your hand and leaded you to the doctors office, a ghost of a smile spread on his face. He might've lost the chance to propose now, but it's not the end of the world. You're stuck with him and not going anywhere, so he would try to make the perfect plan for a perfect proposal, for the perfect girl.

↳Saigiku Jouno

"Are you sure this is the store?" Your boyfriend crossed his arms.

"For the thousandth time! Yes!" "Well, you were also sure that you knew my size but it turns out you were wrong" "Ugh! Let's just get inside!"

Thanks to his job, Jouno was always on endless missions and barely had time to rest, let alone go shopping. You this T-shirt when you were walking by and you just couldn't help but to imagine your boyfriend in it. It might've cheered him up if it was his size.

The clerk recognized you the second you set foot in the store. "Oh hi ma'am! Welcome back!"

"Hi Amaya. Thank you. So, remember how I was not sure if the T-shirt was my boyfriend's size?"

She only nodded with a forced smile, because how could she forgot? You spent fifteen minutes staring at the T-shirt, wondering if it would fit him.

"Well, it wasn't" Jouno's smile got wider and you sighed. "Yeah yeah, I admit it. I don't know what size is suitable for my husband. I'm the worst partner ever. Can we please change this one and leave?"

"I don't understand ma'am"

For real? You just can't take a break.

"I'm saying that the T-shirt was too big for him!" "Yeah I got that, but I thought he was your boyfriend?" "What do you mean you— oh!"

No.

No no no no no no no no.

Jouno's smirk was still on, and now with a little smugness. He was clearly enjoying himself.

"If this is your way of proposing, it's really lame" "Oh shut up you big jerk!"

All rights reserved © 2023 AshTheMadWriter. Please do not copy, repost, translate, or modify my works on any platform.

Tag List:

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What if I...

—You make a tempting, unexpected offer; how are they going to react?

Fandom: Bungou Stray Dogs

Pairings: Dazai, Chuuya, Nikolai, Fyodor, Sigma, Jouno X Fem!Reader

Warnings: Suggestive content, mentions of giving blowjobs (whether it'll happen or not is up to you lol), unstablished relationship (you're just friends, but are you..?), rushed writing

Genre: Humor

Format: Drabble

Word Count: 1.6K

↳Osamu Dazai"

Listen y/n..." Dazai cooes at you. "I'm a little bit busy with... uh, work; so I don't think I'll be able to accompany you on this mission"

Shaking your head to the side with frustration, you bend a little on the desk, gazing into his Hazel eyes to show your desperation "Oh c'mon Dazai! You're not seriously gonna make me go to this tiresome mission by myself?! They're all politicians! It's gonna be boring as hell!"

The pile of paperwork on his desk are making you question your eyesight, but you know Dazai better than that. He probably saw it coming so he placed them there on purpose to prove his point.

...Not that it could exactly be called a "point".

"Listen..." Your voice is so low that only Dazai can hear it. "There must be some way for me to change your mind"

His expression doesn't change one bit, still looking through the documents for nothing, pretending to be occupied. "Sorry to burst your bubbles, but I really can't—"

"What if I suck your dick?"

Eyes shooting you a shocked gaze and hands staying still, it seems like he's completely lost interest in the paperwork. He's looking through your soul and the moment his lips start moving, you know you've won the battle.

"For... for real?" "Yes, for real"

The surprised face is all gone and instead, there's a totally new face now; a smug face of a man who's gonna team up with you for the mission and get a little prize in the end.

"So when do we leave?"

↳Chuuya Nakahara

"Listen Chuuya, with great looks comes great responsibility. There's a reason why you're this hot!"

The red-haired man looked away as an attempt to hide his flustered face, his voice still gravely. "Stop it y/n. I'm not gonna be your model for the photoshoot"

"Why not? You're the perfect choice!" "The answer's no! Get over it"

"Hmph! You're no fun" You crossed your arms and pouted as you leaned to the chair. You couldn't make heads or tails of it. Why was he so against being your model? You were just gonna take a few photos of him wearing casual clothes and maybe some light makeup. It was for your photography class and you were supposed to take a pic of somebody under the rays of sunset. With Chuuya's red hair and blue eyes, it would be a breath taking pic. He just looked so pretty under the sun.

As Chuuya took the bottle to sip from it, you found yourself desperate enough to give it one last shot.

"What if I suck your dick as a payment?"

And then the explosion happened. Chuuya's hand snapped, the bottle fell on the floor and drops of wine literally squirted out of his mouth. He was coughing so strongly that you rushed over and started hitting him in the back like he was some kind of ketchup bottle. His face was crimson red, but whether it was from choking or embarrassment, you couldn't really tell.

When he finally came down and caught his breath, he placed his hand on his chest and looked at you with eyes the same size as a baseball, meanwhile you looked at him miserably with the word "sorry" written all over your face.

"So... is that a yes?" "NO!"

Well, at least you nearly killed him.

↳Jouno Saigiku

"Ok I don't know why you're refusing. I'm just giving you the opportunity to make up for your mean attitude by doing something nice! You know, to go to heaven, like me and other nice people, Teccho for example"

Jouno was still expressionless. He merely sipped his cup of coffee and placed his hat on the table. "I appreciate the offer, but after a lifetime we definitely need a break from each other"

"Ugh you jerk! C'mon it's a piece of cake for you! You've arrested plenty of people before! You're smart, you're strong and I came to you for help which shows that I'm really desperate!"

Your relationship with Jouno was... questionable. He teased you, had a tendency to piss you off all the time, but somehow you were friends. The weirdest type of friendship that had ever existed, probably.

"I can see that. See I do wanna help you out, but I just love seeing the new you"

Shaking your head to the side, you leaned back to the couch. A hard case was given to you and you really didn't want to blow it up, but you needed help, and everyone else were busy. Except for your horrible friend here.

"Jouno, Jouno, Please..." You took his left, gloved hand. "I need you! I'll do anything in return! I'll team up with you and insult Teccho for a whole year! I'll write every one of your reports! I'll even suck your d—"

Jouno didn't hear your voice anymore. In fact, the only thing heard in the room was pure silence, and of course your heartbeat.

You were shocked.

He got his hand out of your grasp, placing it next to your head. His other hand found its way to your lips, softly caressing them. Meanwhile you didn't say a word, just stared at his handsome face and swallowed your saliva.

"Hypothetically, if I help you out, how far would you go to make it up to me?"

Forget about your friendship. You weren't that close anyway.

↳Fyodor Dostoevsky

"I'm going to go to my parents' with my boyfriend tonight"

"I thought you didn't have a boyfriend, dear" Fyodor tilted his head to the side to gaze at you.

"I don't! That's where you come in!"

Nikolai exchanged a look between your nervous expression and Fyodor's smile, and pouted. "Hey! Why didn't you ask me instead?"

"Yeah yeah, if I ever wanted to give them a heart attack you'd be the first person I'll go to" You sighed and looked back at Fyodor. "So? Would you please help me out?"

Fyodor was sitting next to you on a chair. He tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. "Ah... I'm not sure about that. Wouldn't it make our relationship awkward?"

"No! No not at all!" Your voice was rushed and shaky. "You see you're the perfect choice for this"

"Hmph!"

"Shut up Nikolai. I mean, you're tall, you know how to talk to people— in a satisfying way, ah, you know what I mean, you're handsome, you have very pretty hair, you have the most beautiful violet eyes I can stare at until forever..."

His brattish smirk made you shut up and give a few embarrassed coughs. Your flushed cheeks weren't exactly helping you out at the moment.

"Eh... So you're the best in many ways... Now, would you please help me out?"

Fyodor gave Nikolai-who was also smirking- a meaningful look, and his smirk got broader. "I will think about it"

"What's there to think about? You get to have a free dinner and also have a great time! My dad has the same taste in books as you! I'll even suck your dick at the end!"

You suddenly shut up and stared at the two men with eyes the same size as a racket ball. Now there was also two pare of knitted eyebrows along with the smirks. Nikolai's winking and muttering "Yeah baby" didn't help you loosen up at all.

Fyodor leaned closer until the phrase "personal space" lost its meaning, staring at you. His pretty eyes were sparkling, making it harder to steal your gaze from them. His voice was as gentle as the sea breeze, the perfect melody to caress your ears.

"So... I'll get to date the most beautiful girl in the world, spend a whole night with her and then get something afterwards?"

You were so drowned in your thoughts that you couldn't utter a single word. This moment was magical, making you wonder if he were going to seal your lips with his, totally forgetting about Nikolai's presence.

...Until he started talking.

"Do you guys want me to leave the room? Cause there's no way I'm doing that"

↳Nikolai Gogol

"...Which is why clowns are so fragile and have strong emotions!"

You shook your head with disappointment. "Yeah yeah, get it. But that doesn't answer my question"

"What was your question anyway?"

Ugh.

"Would you please babysit my cousins with me?"

"Hahaha! I remember now!" His face brightened with joy. "Well, no"

You leaned closer to him miserably. "Oh c'mon Kolya!"

"Sorry dove, I just don't get along with children. Not a fan"

"But they're triplets Kolya! I can't handle them on my own!" At this point you were literally begging. "Pretty please?"

"Triplets? Ha! Another reason for me to say no"

Well, that was it. You were going to be alone with your naughty cousins for four hours and then hand a burned house and probably only one of the boys back to your aunt because you lost the other two.

"Unless..."

Ah! There's still some hope left.

"You offer me something in return?"

Nikolai's face was dangerously close to yours. His smile was bright, but his intention didn't seem to be. Although that didn't scare you. It only made your body numb with excitement and through your clouded mind, you somehow put two and two together and blurted something out.

"Eh... What if.. What if I suck your di— Woah Nikolai what are you doing?"

A chuckle left his mouth as if something simple had happened, but this wasn't simple. He had just lifted you up and was carrying you bridal style to your bedroom.

"You took the hint all by yourself. How about that, my naughty dove?"

"K— Kolya! Where are you taking me?"

Your red cheeks only made his smile broader. "We're gonna get your clothes changed, go to your aunt's aweful house, babysit your horrible cousins, and then get ready for a night of fun"

↳Sigma

"So... How's the best manager in the world?"

Sigma's stare was still pointed at the documents. "I'm not planning a birthday party for your friend y/n"

"What are you talking about?" You smiled cunningly, lightly caressing his arm from the other side of the desk. "Can't I just compliment my incredible friend? Who happens to be an expert in planning and managing stuff?"

When you two first met, he used to get flustered by your flattering comments, but now Sigma's eyebrows only jumped in surprise. "You... can, but it won't change my mind"

"Pretty please?" Dropping the act, you got up from your seat and stood next to him, putting both of your hands on his shoulders. "I really need your help. I don't have a clue about this and you're the only one I know"

"I'm sorry y/n, but I'm caught up with work. You know that the casino is very busy this time of year, there's nothing I can do"

You sighed and sat on the chair again, desperately thinking about a way to convince him. What would make men do women a favor...

"What if I suck you dick?"

Sigma was still staring at the documents, which made you wonder if he had heard you, but his eyes were not the same. They were widened. He slowly lifted his head and looked at you like he was about to chop off his hand and stick it down his ass, and that made you finally realize it.

"Oh I forgot that you're three years old! I mean you haven't even hit puberty yet. Oops. My bad"

Yeah, Sigma needed new friends.

All rights reserved © 2023 AshTheMadWriter. Please do not copy, repost, translate, or modify my works on any platform.

Tag List:

@pussydrunkfyodor @h8kolya @exhausted-doll @rosasensibles @nekokinax @paperllama @the-foreigner @arsonklee @fayenfim @c4xcocoa @asqmi @blueberry-writer @ryokuryuu @ayladove @sinfullysophiastrange @sugarcherryemo @whossuzy @sigmazcasino @linn-a-a @uottani @ilovechuuyaa @ezraiix @aeshiiteiru @dreamcastgirl99 @bestiewhat

Want to be added to my bsd tag list?

"Your eyes are mine"

Fandom: Bungou Stray Dogs

Pairing: Dazai X Fem!Reader

Request: "Can Dazai please slide down to the bottom of the bed and kiss my thighs nothing smut I just want him to hug and kiss my thighs🥺" ◜By dear @confusedempath ◞

Genre: Fluff

Format: Drabble

Warnings: Suggestive content (C'mon he's kissing your thighs there has to be some spices at least)

Word Count: 0.4K

Attention, is something that DAZAI always has all to himself; so it's only natural for him to feel abandoned when you're drowned so deep in that bloody book you're holding that you prefer it over the company of your beloved boyfriend.

Dazai pouts, a big, obvious pout that is hard to be overlooked by anyone- except for you of course; and tilts his head to the side, scanning your figure with apparent dissatisfaction. You're so cruel, ignoring him when he's craving your notice this badly, and you're much crueler for doing that while wearing the pair of knee socks he's bought for you.

Eyes brightening with delight, Dazai approaches you, kneeling down next to the bed while lightly caressing your ankle, earning a glance from you.

"Osamu?"

"Hmm?"

Pepper kissing your ankles, he smirks when he feels a light vibration coming from your body. His lips go all the way to your knee cap, relaxed when they finally get to have a taste of your skin rather than the fabric of your black socks. You on the other hand, are the complete opposite of relaxed. You feel nervous. Excited and nervous because you've been together with him for so long yet a single touch of his is enough to turn you into a blushing mess.

"You should spend more time with me, Belladonna..."

A soft hum escapes through his lips as the cozy warmness of your inner thigh caresses his cheeks. Dazai is crazy about your thighs, how soft and kissable they are and how you melt in his hands whenever he's touching them.

Mouth attacking your body, the thought of holding back from tasting the soft flesh doesn't even cross his mind, sucking the fuzzy feeling radiating from your body like a vampire who's been starved for blood. He doesn't need to look at your face; he knows your cheeks are crimson red and your body's yearning for him to touch you more, more more till there's no spot left that haven't been marked as his territory.

"You've got a weird look in your eyes, Belladonna. Do you perhaps want something from me? Hmm... You're this desperate for my touch huh? Then how come you didn't say anything? There's no way that book's that interesting to keep you from asking me? You know I never refuse you, sweetheart. Don't give me the puppy eyes now baby. I'm still a little offended you know?... Yet, I guess I can forgive you, if you put that book down and chat with me. Remember Bella, Your eyes are mine; nothing else deserves to be laid on by them when I'm around."

All rights reserved © 2023 AshTheMadWriter. Please do not copy, repost, translate, or modify my works on any platform.

Love Like Cherry Blossoms

—Osamu Dazai X Fem!Reader

Summary: Y/n is a normal citizen with a normal life. Everything in her life goes as planned; work, home, eat, sleep and back to work; but things suddenly change when she switches bodies with a member of the ADA, by accident.

Genre: Fluff, Romance, Smut, Fantasy, Humor

Warnings: Mentions of female body parts, Dazai being a creep, language

Word Count: 2.4K

A/n: From now on, I will use she/her pronouns for Dazai and he/him for reader.

Series Masterlist ⇝ Part Three

"So?"

The young woman slowly tilts her head to the side, sending a relatively sharp gaze toward her boss who's sitting in front of her behind his fancy ass desk.

"So?!"

"So Why did you call me in the middle of work hours? I doubt that the reason is to stare at each other's faces!"

The manager closely examines the woman's face. Her h/c hair is perfectly curled as always, her makeup is light and heartwarming though it's not as nice as ever due to her mascara spreading under her eyes, her face is decorated with a soft smile that he is used to see every time she arrives at the café; everything looks soothing and normal.

Then, why the hell is she creeping the shit out of him ever since that bloody accident?

"Listen y/n, the reason I called you to my office was that... We got a few complains from a couple of customers"

"Oh? What does it have to do with me?"

"The complains were about you"

The man holds a small ipad in front of her, shrinking his hand when she slowly takes it to avoid any type of physical contact. Y/n however is calm, her smile extending as she reads the unpleasant remarks about herself.

NekoChan42: Have you guys seen that barista from Kiyomi coffee house? She had an accident a few weeks ago and now that she's recovered... She looks weird.

DaishouKoganeeee: Tell me about it! Yesterday I went there to order a cup of Turkish coffee, but she didn't even take my order! Said that she was busy at the moment; busy with grabbing her boobs and smirking at the sight like a fucking creep.

HelpI'm6feetunder: Well can't really blame her, I would have done the same if I had access to those boobs...

Y/n smirks as she places the device on the desk, pushing it toward the manager without making any attempt to break eye contact. It's unlikely for her to be this relaxed in a situation like this, given how frightened she used to get every time he called her to his office. She's actually one of the best workers he has ever hired; always on time, always wearing a nice smile and a nice attitude toward the customers, it's the reason why the café is so busy ever since she was hired; because nobody can resist that pretty smile and that angelic look of hers, not even the manager himself.

When she remains silent for a while, the man has to speak up in order to break the tension filling the room. "Well? Care to explain yourself?"

"I am surprised that you're scolding me for this sir" The woman's voice sounds really confident, maybe too much for someone who's caught checking out her own body in front of other people. "I mean... How you ever even touched women's breasts in your life?"

"Excuse me?" The manager looks irritated, not only because she's saying such lewd things in front of him, but because she actually has a point.

"Those soft comfy meatballs that make the most important curves of a woman's body, making all men drool over how stunning she looks in a fine black dress, showing off those flawless creations... Ah! They really are god's masterpiece."

It's odd to be both touched and petrified at that sensual little speech of hers, but it's what the manager's feeling at the moment.

A few knocks on the door earns the manager's attention. He spares a glance at y/n, granting the permissions for the interrupter to come in.

It's Asami, the cashier. "Ah, sorry for intrusion; but can you dismiss y/n? We're short-staffed today because Amane is on her day off, so we really need y/n right now"

The manager actually feels at ease. He's not sure if he wants to keep up with this conversation, so he might as well grab the opportunity to free himself from this state. "Sure, we will continue this later"

With a small bow, the woman exits the office, heading to counter while fixing her apron. Asami hurriedly shoves the coffee tray in her hand. "C'mon c'mon, take this coffee to table three. He's been waiting for almost fifteen minutes"

Table three. It's placed at the corner of the café that has dim lights, and doesn't really stand out. It's the perfect place for lovey dovey couples, and also for someone who wants to avoid attention.

As the woman approaches the table, the sight of the brunette catches her eye. She can only see his back, but only from that she can tell how uncomfortable he's due to his figure being so stiff, something that scarcely happened to her when she was... him.

She keeps smiling. The atmosphere is so drastic yet she doesn't lose any bit of her calm, placing the coffee on the table. The man looks up from the table and stares at the woman, looking shocked. It's not like he didn't expect her here— he was actually waiting for her to deliver her order; he just isn't used to seeing his own body standing in front of him.

"Well hello there, y/n" The woman flashes him a soft smile. "To what do I own the pleasure?"

The mans expression is not surprised anymore. There are fade shades of anger and threat in his eyes, and he looks like he's about to pull out a gun from his pocket and kill her right on the spot.

"We need to talk."

"There you are, you bandage wasting machine"

Bandage wasting machine. A name that he's been called ever since he woke up from coma.

Y/n does not expect to be called by his own name, but being called by a name rather than insults is not much to ask for.

Kunikida has been keeping an eye on you since the day you opened your eyes from your long, stressing sleep. He is always monitoring your actions carefully, shoving the medicine in your mouth claiming that you'll lie about taking it again, suspiciously asking you if your report was written by yourself or you made poor Atsushi to do it again, repeatedly saying you have smacked your head against a wall or something...

This Dazai person must have been a real pain in the ass, and now that she's got a hold of your body, you're not very eager to take it back; because god knows what hell of a mess is waiting for you in your own life.

You couldn't come up with any other excuse better than coming down with sudden amnesia. It was stupid and typical, but strangely, they all bought it. It wasn't even luck— you strongly doubt that luck is in anyway involved with this person, but it was weird how a couple of as sharp as a tack detectives believed your crap, since you've never been much of a skillful liar.

Not that you're exactly complaining though.

Looking to your left, your eyes set on the white-haired boy's sympathetic smile. He's been the most considerate one around, the only person that never gives you a hard time and is the only normal person around here.

Ah, normality.

You have to do many things to seem normal. You have to carry a suicide book that gives you the creeps literally everywhere with you, have to wear a roll of bandages although your skin itches underneath them and you're tired of replacing them with new one— which is something that Dazai herself probably avoided to, in the mornings, you have to annoy the poor blonde man and mess with his habit of writing down everything in his apparently pricey book; and these are not a peace of cake to you, at all.

Yet you have no choice but to play along with the rhythm.

Kunikida's voice takes you out of zone, bringing you back to reality. "I'm heading to a mission with Atsushi. Since all the other employees are off to do their own tasks and no one's here, I need to make sure that you'll be alright by yourself"

You really want to protest and give him an earful; but honestly, can you even blame him? Dazai wouldn't be alright by herself. She probably would set the whole building on fire and by the time his coworkers arrive there would be nothing but ashes left.

"...You've been acting odd lately. Decent, responsible, it's not really you. I hope it's not one of your stupid tactics before a suicide attempt"

The guy is just worried about his friend.

Although he just mentioned that your acting skill haven't been up to much, you don't hold back from smiling at your— no, his colleague. "I'm alright, Kunikida. I am thankful for your concern, but nothing's going on. I guess I'm just... ah... trying to be a better version of myself? You know... since I nearly died and now I value life..."

A pile of crap indeed. Dazai Is probably asking women to commit suicide with her at the moment. You won't be surprised if you find yourself to be known as a lesbian when you get back into your own body.

Kunikida won't buy it, you think to yourself; but the knot on his eyebrows slowly fading away prove you wrong.

"I certainly hope that's the case... Well then, we're off"

After a week, you're finally alone by yourself.

There's nothing much to do around here. You don't understand anything of their work and you try not to get involved as much as possible. It's obvious that Dazai was good at what she did since people are looking up to you to get back to work, but you aren't Dazai. You're just a barista.

You get up and stretch your arms, deciding to give the café downstairs a visit. At least there are some people there and you don't have to be alone in this dangerous place anymore. God knows what kind of ability user will barge in and take your head. You're aware of Dazai's nullifying ability and you know martial arts yourself, but none of them would be enough to stop the trespasser, or at least that's what you think.

As you take the stair to the first floor, your first time at the café comes into your mind. Kunikida told you to act decent— no, it was more like threatening you not to flirt with the waitress or he will roll up his sleeves and have the honor of beating the shit out of your ass himself.

All you know is that Dazai was a playboy, an irresponsible man who never took care of himself and made everyone else worry about him, a smarty pants who apparently had a lot of enemies after his blood, and basically, a menace to the society.

"Welcome, Mr. Dazai"

It's the waitress, standing behind the counter with a warm smile. She looks as pretty and lively as always, making you suddenly wonder if you can actually blame Dazai for setting his eyes on her. She was gorgeous.

"Is there anything you would like to eat?"

Kunikida always picked up the tab, so it actually feels weird to come here alone. You're usually the one who prepares the orders, not the other way around.

"Some tea would be nice" "I will get it right away"

The waitress heads to the kitchen after politely nodding, leaving you alone with your thoughts. How did this even happen in the beginning? How long are you going to be in this body? Is there anyway to get back? Or are you trapped here for the rest of your life? Because that would be a nightmare. The salary here is higher than it was in your previous job, but you don't know what to do here. This position isn't made for you. All you can do is just helping out regular employees to organize paperwork, but that still won't save you from being a target. Everything is risky here.

Ability users scare you. You've never been involved with one before, and now you're literally one of them. It's a huge step. Too much.

"Here's your tea sir"

The small sound caused by the cup placing on the wooden counter is delightful.

"Thank you! How much is it?"

Oh.

Dread finds its way to the woman's face as he turns back to look at you with disbelief and shock.

Great. What the fuck did I do this time?

"You... want to... pay?"

You're now as shocked as her. It can't be... so this dumbass never paid for himself?

"Eh... yes"

"Oh that's great news!" She sounds a little too happy. "I was actually going to mention the life insurance again, but it's great to see you finally deciding to pay!"

Dazai... I'm going to murder you.

You beam modestly, taking a sip from the cup.

"In that case... Will you also pay your debt anytime soon?"

The damn drink shoots out of your mouth. Of course there's a debt.

You literally want to slam your head against the wall, but something stops you. This Dazai person has a lot of shit going on. Maybe you could help her a bit by helping her to get out of the red. Thankfully, it's the beginning of the month and your credit card is not empty yet; so you reach out for your wallet, happy with this charity-like gesture as you open it to hand in the money.

"I will. How much should I pay?"

"Thank you so much for finally doing this! Well, the total of your six months debt comes to..."

Your jaw drops.

"What?"

The waitress flashes you a weird look. She was surprised when you didn't hit on her like you— Dazai usually did, and how your attitude has changed so much, but you are still intelligent, right? You must've known that your debt is huge since you didn't pay for your meals for six months.

Except that you don't have a clue about anything, and you're literally about to rage.

"How— What— When— Are you fucki— That's what I make in almost a year! Just— Bye!"

You run. You just run out of the café, humiliated. You know where you're going. Oh, you gotta inform her that she has one more enemy now. You're going strangle her. You're going to kill her! You don't even care if that would be in her favor because she'll get to die by the hands of you, a woman. Can you even be counted as a woman anymore?

Fuck this shit. I'm gonna give her a peace of my mind.

Which brings you to your current situation.

Dazai is looking at you with an annoying smirk, and you don't know if you want to punch your own face or not.

"Sit the fuck down, you fucking creep"

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