Bsd Crack - Tumblr Posts

TW: Ass spanking, Dazai harassment, reposted since I accidentally deleted the original post😭

"I'm not exactly sure if I wanna have this conversation with you"

Standing in front of the desk, DAZAI chuckled as he leaned over to have a bigger influence on his coworker. Mischief was sparkling in his hazel eyes, and the smile he had on was known to be a symbol of his goofiness.

"You see Kunikida, I'm just sad for all the things you're missing out on"

Kunikida didn't even raise his head to look at him. He merely kept typing his —actually Dazai's— report while postponing beating the shit out of him, partly for the report and partly for the sake of their current conversation. Regardless of his lack of interest, Dazai joyfully continued rambling in his ear about women.

"If there's one thing I find tolerable in this dull, unamusing world, it's definitely the ladies. Ah, when my eyes fall on their enchanting faces and they smile at me, the pleasure is like sucking the soul out of my restless frame"

"...That doesn't sound healthy or charming at all, Dazai"

"You don't get it!" The brunet dramatically shook his head to the side. "I guess you never will, until you fall in the grasp of their delicate arms, and taste their sweet chap stick"

"If you don't shut up I will smack you with this laptop"

"Ah the second your lips lock, she softly hums and loses herself into you, hands travelling on your neck to your earlobe, And you only sigh and softly bite her bottom lip. And then my favorite part, which is when you gently lower your hands on his waist and squeeze her—"

Slap!

Suddenly, silence was the loudest thing in the room instead of his partner's voice, and this uncalled for event made Kunikida look up to see what caused this enjoyable occurrence, only to be met with Dazai's dumbfounded expression and widened eyes pointing at you, who was standing behind him, holding your hand with an irritated face.

"Ouch! That hurt! Your thin ass is just bones ain't it?"

Dazai was still lost for words, speechlessly looking back at you. You on the other hand, simply rolled your eyes and walked away. "Huh! I guess you really are just an asshole. You bony ass better not have broken my fucking hand"

Nobody spoke for a minute. The man put an arm on his ass and tried to figure out what the hell had just happened, when he heard the blonde's teasing voice.

"I think you should start saving for a butt implant"

Silly doodles just for fun!!

I’m fucking rolling on the floor

<some random hunting dogs + doa (+ sometimes dazai) alignment charts bc i can>

Generating Incorrect Quotes For The Hunting Dogs Pt.1💀

Teruko: Truth or dare? Jouno: Dare. Teruko: I dare you to kiss the hottest person in the room. Jouno: Hey? Tachihara, blushing: Yeah? Jouno: Can you move? I'm trying to get to Tecchou.

----------------------------------------------------

Jouno: Hi, could I ask how exactly does one accidentally set a lemon on fire?? Tecchou: Microwave for 40 minutes. Teruko: Why were you microwaving a lemon??? Tecchou: I read boiling lemons helps cover up bad smells. I wanted to cover up the scent of burnt oranges but I didn't own any pots. Tachihara: You burned an orange too? How??? Tecchou: Microwave for 40 minutes.

----------------------------------------------------

Tachihara: We can bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4,000 degrees for 1 minute. Jouno: No, that's not how you make cookies. Tecchou: FLOOR IT!! Tachihara: How about 4,000,000 degrees for 1 second?!? Jouno: YOU'RE GONNA BURN THE BASE DOWN- Tachihara: I'M GONNA HARNESS THE POWER OF THE FUCKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES! Teruko: DO IT! Jouno: NO-

----------------------------------------------------

Teruko: Why is Tecchou crying on the floor?Tachihara: They took one of those 'what person are you?' quizzes. Teruko: And? Tachihara: They got Jouno.

Help-💀,From TheSwordThatStabbedJouno

Generating Incorrect Quotes For The Hunting Dogs Pt.2💀

Teruko: *sees Tecchou and Jouno together* Teruko: They're cute. I would put them on a boat. Tachihara: You mean... you ship them? ---------------------------------------------------- Tecchou: How did none of you hear what I just said?! Teruko: I've been zoned out for the past two and a half hours. Tachihara: I got distracted halfway through. Jouno: Ignoring you was a conscious decision. ---------------------------------------------------- Tachihara: You're smiling. What happened? Jouno: What? Can't I smile just because I feel like it? Teruko: Tecchou tripped and fell down the stairs today. ----------------------------------------------------Jouno: Sometimes I drink milk straight from the container. Tecchou: The cow?? Jouno: What? Tachihara: Tecchou, W H Y? ---------------------------------------------------- Teruko: Words ending in 'ie' just sound so adorable. Like cutie, sweetie, cookie- Tachihara: Eyy, homie! Tecchou: But then there's cootie... Jouno: Die. ----------------------------------------------------Tecchou: I truly believe that water can solve all your problems. Tachihara: Weight loss? Drink water. Teruko: Clear skin? Drink water. Jouno: Want to get rid of someone? Drown them.

Decay Of Angles Incorrect Quotes🤓

Fyodor: Pfft, you should meet Nikolai, they're such a tsundere. Sigma: They... they just stabbed you. Fyodor: So cute. ---------------------------------------------------- *playing twister* Sigma: Right hand red. Nikolai: *ends up on top of Fyodor* Fyodor: You're doing this on purpose, aren't you? Sigma: I stopped spinning like 15 minutes ago. Honestly, I'm surprised you didn't notice. ---------------------------------------------------- Nikolai: Why would you do that? Sigma: Because I feel guilty. Fyodor: Guilt is a trick emotion. It’s put there by your parents to stop you from doing things that feel good. ---------------------------------------------------- Nikolai: Any advice before Fyodor and I fight? Sigma: Don’t wet yourself in public. Nikolai: Not the kind of advice I was looking for! ---------------------------------------------------- Nikolai & Fyodor: Surprise! We're having a baby! Sigma: What?! Nikolai & Fyodor: *pull out adoption papers* It's you! ---------------------------------------------------- Sigma: And now for a gay update with Nikolai and Fyodor. Nikolai: Getting gayer. Sigma: Thank you, Nikolai. ---------------------------------------------------- Nikolai: When Fyodor was born, the gods said, "They're too perfect for this world." Sigma: Please. When they were born, the devil said, "Oh, competition."

Soukoku Incorrect Quotes🤡

Chuuya, holding an antique bottle: Is this whiskey or perfume? Dazai: *grabs and chugs the entire bottle* Dazai: Dazai: It's perfume. ---------------------------------------------------- Dazai: This date is boring! Chuuya: This isn't a date. I said I was going to the store. Dazai: Then why did you invite me? Chuuya: I didn't, I specifically said "don't come with me," then you said, "fuck you Chuuya I'll do whatever I want!" ---------------------------------------------------- Dazai: The greatest trick the devil ever played was getting me banned from a all you can eat pizza buffet. Chuuya: Why’d you get banned? Dazai: Touched the rat. Chuuya: … What rat? Dazai: Fyodor Dostoevsky. ---------------------------------------------------- Chuuya: Dazai... Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor? Dazai: Your text told me to satanize the house before you returned. Chuuya: Chuuya: I wrote sanitize, Dazai. ---------------------------------------------------- Dazai: Ah, Hello again. We really need to stop meeting like this. Chuuya: Maybe we would, if you would STOP BREAKING INTO MY FUCKING HOUSE!!! ---------------------------------------------------- Chuuya: *Gives a bouquet to Dazai* Dazai: You know I'm allergic. Chuuya: That's the point. ---------------------------------------------------- Dazai: Is this mistletoe? Chuuya: Uh, no, no, that is basil. Dazai: Too bad cause if it was mistletoe I was gonna kiss you. Chuuya: Yeah, no, it’s still basil. ----------------------------------------------------

I'm alive -TheSwordThatStabbedJouno

an incorrect b-day quote for the b-day boy ✨Jouno✨

Tachihara: Happy birthday Jouno! Here’s Tecchous gift to you.

Jouno: …Thats a big box.

Tachihara: Yeah.

Jouno: He’s inside it isn’t he.

Tachihara: [sighing] Yeah.

I hope there's going to be more chapters of bungo stray dogs academy soon,, that shit is hilarious

Y'ALL SEE HOW PRETTY AKUTAGAWA IS HERE????

Church of Fyodor

Fyodor runs a church. Anyone can enter as long as they have a hat like his and a (full) bottle of vodka. Offerings are presented to him (mostly alcohol) if anyone disrespects the church then Nikolai will know. Don’t ask questions, he just knows and will find you.

Hi!! Can I request atsushi, and kunikida with a teenager! Reader (platonic) who communicates with text messages, but its so chaotic because reader's messages range anywhere from "give me your paperwork and go take a break, you've been working too long and I'm getting worried ( this is not a negotiation)" to *insert exact coordinates* "if i dont get more hands, i will start to stab"

𝐋𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐟 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐨𝐬

𝐊𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐤𝐢𝐝𝐚 𝐃𝐨𝐩𝐩𝐨+𝐍𝐚𝐤𝐚𝐣𝐢𝐦𝐚 𝐀𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐬𝐡𝐢 𝐱 𝐓𝐞𝐞𝐧!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 (𝐏𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐜)

𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: Fluff, crack

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: Them dealing with a slightly unhinged teen reader (hcs/smau)

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: chaos, pure chaos.

𝕂𝕌ℕ𝕀𝕂𝕀𝔻𝔸 𝔻𝕆ℙℙ𝕆

My god he's so worried

He found you alone in the park once all crusty and musty

Boom, now he's your father figure

Bro collected you like a pokemon💀

Okay he is actually so worried of you sometimes because you go from so sweet to literal Dazai behaviour in a few seconds??

If you scroll up it's just a wholesome convo then suddenly you're in trouble with the fucking mafia

You're literally Atsushi 2.0 and he's about to go bald from how troublesome you are😭

ℕ𝔸𝕂𝔸𝕁𝕀𝕄𝔸 𝔸𝕋𝕊𝕌𝕊ℍ𝕀

Oh yay you're another orphan!

He's actually terrified of you

You remind him of Akutagawa but more unhinged😧

You constantly remind him to get a break and he just goes 'I will'

But he doesn't

And what do you do? YOU FUCKING TRACKED HIM😭

Sometimes he is so scared of letting Dazai hangout with you

Dazai taught you how to shoot when you were part of the agency a few days in😦

𝔸𝕋𝕊𝕌ℍ𝕀+𝕂𝕌ℕ𝕀𝕂𝕀𝔻𝔸

Both of you are getting called a brat by papa Kunikida

The family dynamic you guys have is so abnormal

Some waitress saw the chat once and called the cops on them because they thought you were a hostage💀💀

Kunikida grounded you to stay in the office and forbid Atsushi to let you out😐

You were just fucking with them

Because Dazai taught you how to lockpick🤭

The both of them refuse to let Dazai near you after that (he was forbidden to even get 10 feet near you)

Despite all the chaos you bring, the entire agency still cares for you<3

Dw Atsushi and Ranpo snuck some snacks for you without Kunikida knowing

But they forgot to clean the trash

So now all 3 of you are grounded😔

A/N: I didn't really have a planning for this so it's a bit ass imo☹️forgive me por favor😞