Brad Hardly Felt Sorry For Chris. OMG. Every Gay Knows You Never One Up Britney In Daisy Dukes, ESPECIALLY

Brad hardly felt sorry for Chris. OMG. Every gay knows you never one up Britney in Daisy Dukes, ESPECIALLY at her annual ultra legendary birthday BBQ bash.

Ugh. Chris was soooo f-ing lucky he wasn’t swimming in chipotle mayonnaise right now. Brad hated mayonnaise.

This newly exposed green jockstrap on his boyfriend tho he might just love…

That’s when Chris mentioned he was looking for a job.

By coincidence, Brad said he had an opening.

The position was filled in the car after a very successful application just outside the ranch security gate.

Brad and Chris would be invited to the annual bash ‘on condition’ the following year.

Growing up drop dead gorgeous in a less than emotionally intelligent environment, Chris had the unfortunate experience of learning about life with a sex drive the hard way.

After three good goes at his first crush, Chris tallied two broken bones, one round of stitches, and wrecked four floor to ceiling mirrors. He finally came across the ugly underwear method after meeting a scout from Barbizon sophomore year while shopping at JC Penny.

Ever since, Chris has not only looked like a model, he could also hold a conversation with his ever beautiful mirror self, along with other equally attractive men.

In case you’re wondering there wasn’t a higher category of attractive.

Ugh. This was not what he wanted for his post. Chris swore he had a filter for ‘hot mess.’ This… whatever it was… This was perfect. He didn’t want that.

Ok. This was getting more than annoying. Chris needed to think imperfectly.

Hmmmmm. Maybe Lindsey Lohan had an app… Chris dove in the App Store to find out.

Sure enough, she did not.

For the longest time Brad thought Celsius was a cellulite cream.

Chris made bath time SOOOOO much fun.

The ‘fake it until you make it' thing in America never sat right with Chris as there was always the chance that the people who said you made it were doing the same thing.