Please Dont Expect Me To Always Be Good And Kind And Loving. There Are Times When I Will Be Cold And

“Please don’t expect me to always be good and kind and loving. There are times when I will be cold and thoughtless and hard to understand.”

— Sylvia Plath

There is something beautiful about actually feeling loved.

After talking, after having an actual talk, he told me he loves me, and I could belive it.

It was hard, but I could belive it. And I love him too. More than I want to. More than he knows.

I won't get addicted to him. I won't make him my whole world because I shouldn't. Because it is bad. Because it is sick and because it hurts both of us. Not just me, and I want to keep him safe. Even if it is from me.

I'm also learning to understand him. I am learning to understand the way he acts. Why he does or doesn't do things.

It's beautiful, this slowly building connection.

Tw: tiny mention of drugs

"The chicken can wait"

I love my boyfriend, getting me to go to sleep and not cook myself chicken at 1 am.

He's so funny and cute. I like him, hihi :)

Also, I'm high and that's why I need chicken now.

Tw: tiny tiny mention of sh and drugs

I feel so lonely, I really miss him. I want to cuddle with him and sleep in his arms and just be with him.

We could sit in silence together and I would love it. I just really want to be with him. So so bad.

There is emptiness in my chest that I mustn't drink away. That I mustn't cut away. But I know he could hold be and I would feel whole.

Maybe not whole but something closer to it. Life gets more bearable with him. It gets livable. I can actually live and not only survive when we are together...

Tw: mention of sh

I wanted to visit my boyfriend tomorrow, but he is going away for a week, so it's 3 weeks of not seeing each other. Because he was in malta and then I was in camp and now he is gone again.

It's okay. I guess. I am not dissociating at all. Never.

Urge is getting so strong again. I just really want to cut. I just want some relive. I really need to feel something again.

But I am trying so hard not to relapse. I'm really trying to get better...

Hi, I'm finn, I'm 18 years old, I am a queer trans boy (pre t) and trying to get better.

If you are racist, queerphobic, abalist or overall a bigot, DNI, I will block you if I have to

This blog is my vent blog, this means I will complain, rant and vent, or maybe just ramble sometimes.

Triggering topics that might come up sometimes:

• self harming behavior

• disordered eating

• suicidal ideation

• sexual assult

• rape

• abuse (mostly emotional)

• drug abuse

Like I said, I am trying to heal and get better, I do not want to encourage any of the behaviors that I used or still.use to cope.

If you are feeling bad, get help, you are a wonderful human being and deserve help and support.