Tw: Tiny Mention Of Drugs

Tw: tiny mention of drugs

"The chicken can wait"

I love my boyfriend, getting me to go to sleep and not cook myself chicken at 1 am.

He's so funny and cute. I like him, hihi :)

Also, I'm high and that's why I need chicken now.

Tw: mention of sh

Everything that is in my head is relapse, I can't stop thinking about it...

Why dies it have to feel this good to cut myself? Why dies it help me so much short term?

Tw: mention of ed

Getting told I am not the overweight one of the two of us makes me want to cry.

Yeah, I am overweight, but I am trying so hard to not starve myself. At times I still puke up all I ate that day and try to make myself feel smaller. Prettier.

I am trying so hard not to fall back into old habits and eat nothing but an apple for weeks and faint in the middle of the street again.

I am trying so hard to stabilize my eating and get to a healthy amount.

I didn't need my best friend to remind me that I am overweight, fat and gross.

I already know and I am trying so hard to accept that. To try and loose weight the normal, healthy way.

Not to pick apart ever food, count calories, starve and puke.

I am trying so hard, but I don't think I can after this.

I am in an open relationship and my boyfriend texted me today that he made out with one of his friends.

And honestly, I do not mind at all? I was totally okay with me, don't get me wrong, but I still thought I would kinda care about it. But I really just don't.

I literally do not care?? Which is pretty nice.

Okay, I changed my mind, he was actually really sweet and told me he would kiss each and every one of my scars individually, which is so sweet.

I honestly always wished for someone to do that, I thunk it would really help me a lot and make me feel good.

Him only saying that was already enough to make me feel a little better :)

Tw: slight mention of sh

I feel so gross.

I'm trying to not relapse and bring myself to feel something and I am just texting with this guy and he wanted like, a picture, and I was like, alright and he was like,

You are covered in cuts

Well, yeah, you didn't have to tell me, I already know, but thanks for bringing it up??

Now I feel disgusting because of my scars and because I sent a pic in the first place, yay!!

Tw: mention of sa

The cousin that sexually assaulted me between the ages of 6 and 10 is back in the country. I am so scared and I probably have to see him next weekend...

I don't want to see him. I don't think I can. I have to act normal and like nothing ever happend while I get flashbacks of him doing all of it.

I can't stand the nightmares and flashbacks anymore, I just want to forget and be safe.

I don't want to relive him forcing himself onto me. I don't want to feel this helpless and weak again.

I need to get stronger. I need to be able to defend myself...