A Letter To My Unrequited Love - II

A Letter to my unrequited love - II

{Confessions of a scorpio moon}

You'd dump your trauma on me and I'd take it all happily, thinking it'd help you feel better, lighter. I thought you deserved to feel the happiest. And I'd easily swap your pain with the rare moments of joy I managed to feel. I stayed up at nights listening to you vent about your failed relationships, madly in love with you, shattering silently on the floor of my bedroom, ignoring my pain and paying heed to yours. You always came first, right? You were so dreamy, how could anyone ever hurt you? It felt absolutely cruel. I wanted to nurse your wounds and it was honestly too late when I realized that I was burning myself all throughout to warm you up. I didn't stop though. Why would I? You were someone I'd never want to lose. You made me feel wanted for a short amount of time. Your scraps of love and attention made me feel like a queen. I felt so loved. It touched my heart. No one ever expressed that kind of love to me before. I didn't even love myself half as much as I loved you. I was trained to be a giver, to cater to everyone else's needs and the same pattern unfolded here. You kept depleting me of the little love I had and I didn't mind it. We both would pour our love into you and I'd watch you bloom. You'd give your love to everyone except me. I wanted to claim a piece of your love. Your time. Your attention. I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to go deep into your psyche to understand and explore every bit of you. Everything you did made me fall for you harder and harder. It seemed to me like you enjoyed hurting me. Making me wait. Watching me get jealous. Triggering my childhood wounds. You'd feel cocky and arrogant knowing I was so desperate to talk to you. I'd sacrifice my self-respect and initiate a conversation all the time. You'd play it cool. You were cool. But you were cold. And distant too. You often called me names, insulted me and made me feel like trash. You didn't hesitate to walk all over me or use me like your punchbag. You took your anger out on me and I took the abuse not knowing how to pull myself out of the mess I got into.

I have spent sleepless nights trying to figure out why I wasn't enough. I questioned my worth several times. I never felt like I could match up to you. I could never meet you up there. The more I loved you, the more I began to hate myself. I didn't love myself even half as much as I loved you. It didn't make sense to me. But I didn't care. Until you broke my heart. Brutally. You stabbed my back with a smile on your face. Damn, your smile. It melted my broken heart. I couldn't bring myself to hate you. But I had to. I had to do something about it. I had nothing left. I felt hopeless and powerless. It was the last straw that broke the camel's back. Had it been a little sooner, I wouldn't have to move mountains to heal myself. Maybe it'd come easy.

Thank you for being the braver one among the two of us. One of us had to do it. One of us had to break my heart. Thankyou for leaving me broken. I've built it stronger this time. Don't bother knocking on the door. You're not welcome.

-R

Wholesome 😭😭😭✋✋✋

it always makes my heart happy when someone finds & likes my old fics like ‘hello there, I see you have found my outpourings of obsession in word form from moons past, I do hope you enjoy them’ and then, if said person leaves a comment… Friend, let me tell you… that comment makes me feel like I can write anything. A reblog? Friend… I am invincible. 

halfway through the year and im already dreading spotify wrapped season "aah I listened to music that I liek and makes me happy all year im so embarrassed!!" embarrassing spotify wraps aren't real they're a myth invented by the tumblr industrial cringe complex to sell more cringe. listening to music is one of the most self indulgent human activities u literally can't do it wrong. if you listened to a terrible song 500 times ur beautiful and I love you.

AN ELABORATE RANT ON LIBRAS

I don't care what anyone thinks but Libras are so fucking vain. I hate them. I live with two Libras, one is a Libra sun and the other one is a Libra moon. When I tell you they're superficial, I mean it

Dude, for fucks sake, they get on my damn nerves. They make me wanna run in the opposite direction. They're emotional toddler's, displaying zero emotional maturity. My Scorpio ass can't deal with their judgmental shallow selves. They're creepy and violate boundaries. Everything is always about them. They take zero accountability about the crap they put you through. They blame you for shit they've done wrong and when you confront them, they shut you down because they don't like having real, hard conversations. Apparently, it doesn't fit their, "Oh I'm too perfect for this world" aesthetic.

How can someone be so self-obsessed and self-absorbed to a point where they don't see the damage they're doing? I hate people who are not connected to their own selves and spend a lifetime trying to fit into someone else's idea of perfectionism. Nothing is perfect. We're all flawed. I find beauty in it. I don't like the idea of slipping everything under the rug, pretending all's good, when my life is falling apart. I don't want to put nail polish on my toes and strut around in an embellished gown when I feel like drowning in a river.

I don't understand why Libra's act the way they do. Why do they grow up as entitled stupid brats? Why does no one knock sense into them and burst their bubble? Why does no one tell them growing up they can't use people and throw them away like used tissue papers? I wonder why there's no guilt, no remorse, it's pure selfishness. You do them dirty the way they did you, and they'll come at you with cusses, crawling out of their diplomatic glittery shell. I know psychology has little to do with astrology but fuck, why are libras such narcissists?

Libra, if this is you, you need to fucking read this carefully. Running away from your problems and avoiding talking about them is not gonna help you. Learn to own your mistakes, apologize for them, don't let your pride turn you into a dickhead who runs away and hides in a cave like a coward. Stop being a judgemental asshole and let people be. Not everyone wants to fit into an aesthetic where you gotta be pretentious, vain and self-centered. Please outgrow your toxic ways and tap into your emotions you materialistic piece of shit.

- Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights

Insanely accurate 😳🤯