Chantizxx-blog - My Overthinking Thoughts

23 & Lost

When I was a kid, my career choice was always changing. I wanted to be a Teacher, Doctor, Firefighter, Marine Biologist and so many more. Junior year of high school is when the stress of what I wanted to be began. In English, we had to write a report on our career choice. I still can't believe I went through with it but, at the time it's what I was interested in. Bass Guitarist in a band. My other option was Paranormal Investigator.

Anyways, by the time I finished high school, I had become a CNA. I was set. I wasn't planning on continuing to college because I already had my career. My mom thought otherwise. She "forced" me to go to college because "I had to." Honestly I think it was more because a lot of people on the family never went. Also, she didn't have the opportunity to go so I guess she wanted to live the experience through me.

I eventually lost my license because I never worked as a CNA. By the time that happened, I was studying for Early Childhood Education. I felt passionate about it. I love helping others. I love children. Teaching was always one of my go-to answers whenever I was asked what I wanted to be.

I chose ECE because it was a Teaching Degree and my ultimate goal was to be a teacher in South Korea. I had everything thought out and planned. Get my degree, apply with companies and hopefully pass and eventually move to South Korea. Despite having many doubters and nay-sayers, I was determined. Not only because I've been interested in all things South Korea but I'd be working as something I felt passionate about.

Things didn't work out that way.

I met my husband during that time, I'm pretty sure it was love at first sight. We got married after a year and here I am now. I eventually stopped going to college because since I was now married, there was no way I could move to SK. I come from a very old-fashion, traditional Mexican family. Once you're married, everything is about the Man. Thankfully, my husband doesn't see things that way and we're equal.

He encourages me to go back to school for whatever it is I want to do. The problem is, I no longer have the passion for anything. I don't know what it is I want to do. After having my life planned out, going through the roller coaster that is life and not being able to follow my Dream, I feel lost. Stuck. Caught at the center of a split road and having a hard time deciding if I should go left or right. My anxiety and depression don't help much either.

At the moment, I have no clue what to do with my life but, I hope I'm eventually hit with inspiration.

my feelings put into words

100 shadow work/journal prompt ideas

I enjoy journaling. It’s almost like therapy, but you’re figuring it out by yourself. You’re trying to figure out your own issues by putting it on paper, sometimes it’s for self reflecting or for figuring yourself out. This is very similar to shadow work. 

What is shadow work? 

Shadow work is addressing your shadow self, the side of you that you bury deep down and avoid. It’s your unconscious mind, and it is important to uncover this side of you in order to achieve your highest self. There are multiple ways to do this, but the most known (and most effective in my opinion), is journaling. I thought I should share 100 prompts that really make you think. 

1. What was one time you remember feeling wronged as a child? How did you react? Has this affected you into adulthood? How?

2. Think about one time where you’ve felt betrayed. What would you say to the person who broke your trust?

3. Write about a time you felt let down by someone you’d previously looked up to.

4. What’s one trait you see in other people that you wish you had. Why do you not possess this characteristic yourself?

5. Do you often find yourself over-thinking what you’ve said or how you’ve acted? What usually triggers this?

6. What were your parents’/guardians’ core values while you were growing up? Do you hold these today or do they differ? How so?

7. What are your core values as a human being? What’s the most important to you? What are you morally passionate about?

8. What tends to trigger envy for you? Why do you think this is?

9. What are the first signs that your mental health is dipping?

10. When are you hardest on yourself? Why? Where do you think this stems for? Why do you put yourself under so much pressure? Why are you so reluctant to be kind to yourself?

11. How do you react when you’re angry? Is this similar to other people who have been in your life since childhood? Why do you think this is?

12. What triggers you? Can you identify where this came from?

13. How do you perceive failure? What is your definition of failure? How does it make you feel? Are you afraid of it? Why might this be? How did your parents/guardians react to failure?

14. What situations make you feel less than or not good enough? Why do you think this is?

15. What is your relationship with your parents and/or siblings like? How was it as a child compared to now? Why do you think this is?

16. What parts of your parents/guardians growing up do you see in yourself now? When did these begin to become apparent?

17. What toxic traits have you recognised in your parents? How did it make you feel when you realized that your parents weren’t perfect? Do you also possess these traits yourself?

18. What are your toxic traits? How do these present themselves? How do you project these onto others?

19. What aspects of yourself would you like to improve? Why? Has anyone in your past ever made comments suggesting that you should? If so, how did this make you feel?

20. How do you feel about who you are as a human? Why?

21. How often do you forgive yourself? What kind of things do you feel you need to be forgiven for? Why is this?

22. Write about a time where you messed up and needed forgiveness. Did you ask to be forgiven? Did you apologize? How did it play out?

23. Do you form obsessive or unhealthy attachments easily? Why do you think this might be; do you have a fear of change/abandonment/rejection? Or, on the other hand, do you find it difficult to form emotional attachments; do you struggle with commitment or get restless staying in one place for a certain amount of time? Where do you think this stems from?

24. How do you fill your time when bored? What gives you enjoyment? What self-care do you regularly practise?

25. What negative emotions do you tend to avoid? Why might this be?

26. What negative emotions do you actually feel quite comfortable sitting with? Why might this be?

27. Write about one person you’ve never forgiven. What happened and why did you not forgive them? Was it warranted? How has this event affected you going forward? Do you think you could forgive them now? How did you move on from this?

28. How do you carry the weight of your past trauma? How has it affected you?

29. How did you process emotions as a child, teenager, and young adult? How do you process negative emotions now? Has this changed over time?

30. How do you enforce boundaries? How do you feel when people overstep them? How do you react?

31. What is the biggest lie you consistently tell yourself? Why?

32. What misconceptions have you noticed about your harbor? Can you think about where these started?

33. What are your preconceptions about femininity? Why do you think this is? Where did they come from?

34. What are your preconceptions towards masculinity? Where did these come from?

35. What does the term ‘Shadow Work’ mean to you?

36. What are three main goals you want to achieve with your shadow work?

37. Did you have any heroes growing up? Who did you look up to and why?

38. How were you taught to deal with emotions as a child?

39. How do you deal with negative emotions now?

40. What’s the most hurtful thing you’ve ever done to someone else?

41. What’s the most hurtful thing you’ve done to yourself?

42. How have you moved forward from hurting someone else?

43. How do you plan to move forward after hurting yourself?

44. What’s the biggest promise to you that someone else has broken? How did it make you feel? Why?

45. What’s the biggest promise you’ve broken to yourself? Why? How do you feel about that?

46. Have you ever broken a promise to someone else? Why?

47. When you really think about it, is there any area of your life you’re in denial about?

48. What do you constantly lie to yourself about?

49. What do you lie to other people about? Why?

50. What’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told and why?

51. Have you ever had your heart broken? Write about this time in your life.

52. Have you ever broken someone else’s heart? Was it unintentional or intentional? Write about this.

53. Do you ever find yourself manipulating people in an attempt to protect yourself?

54. What’s a question you had as a child that you never got a real answer to? Do you have that answer now?

55. What is something that you’ve always wanted to confront someone about? Why haven’t you? Do you plan to? Why?

56. What is the meaning of life to you?

57. What was the last argument you had about? Was it resolved?

58. How do you feel about confrontation? Why do you think this is?

59. Do you ever have physical reactions to emotional feelings? Write about these. Why do you think this happens?

60. What’s your favorite way to self-soothe? Describe your perfect self-care day.

61. What family patterns am I repeating? 

62. When was the last time I truly felt at peace? Where was I? Who was surrounding me? 

63. In what situations do I feel less than others, equal to others, or better than others? Why do I feel that way? 

64. How do I define failure? 

65. What has been my biggest personal failure and why? 

66. When was the last time I felt jealous of someone else? What do they have that I want? 

67. What is your ultimate dream? Are you currently living your dream? What steps can you take to make it happen?

68. What is your favorite book of all time and why? Movie?

69. Are you doing what you love for a living? What is your dream job?

70. Make a list of 10 things that make you smile.

71. What do you wish you could do everyday?

72. Write down your own bucket list.

73. Write about someone who inspires you.

74. What’s an embarrassing moment you can look back on and laugh now?

75. List 10 of your favorite things, can be anything.

76. Write down your top 10 travel destinations.

77. How do you spend your time alone?

78. What are you the most grateful for in your life?

79. Do you care what other people think of you? why?

80. What excites you about the future?

81. What are some new hobbies you would like to try?

82. How do you want to be remembered?

83. What do you want to accomplish today and tomorrow?

84. What is your favorite song and why?

85. What motivates you?

86. What are your top priorities in life?

87. What are 5 physical features that you love about yourself?

88. What gift do you think you were born with?

89. What holiday or event do you look forward to every year?

90. How would you describe yourself to a stranger?

91. What life lessons have books taught you?

92. Which fictional character would you most like to be, why?

93. What is your favorite place?

94. Is there anything that has changed your outlook on life?

95. Can you keep a secret?

96. How would you change the world?

97. Are you good at organizing your time?

98. What would you do if you could travel into the past?

99. Where in your life do you need to be more fearless?

100.What would you change about your high school experience?