Chocolattefeverdreams - On A Caffeine High

Reblog to equip Asexuals for the invasion of Denmark.

i don’t want to be a biological parent. whenever someone goes ‘oh, your kids will be so cute’, ‘i can’t wait for you to finally have children of your own’, my blood actually starts to boil with anger and despise. i can’t stand when baby starts to cry in the public and think that they are awfuly anoying. but if some kid, on the internet, in school etc. are a “baby gay”, will say that their parents are awful, not carying and/or that they see me as an elder sibling/parental figure cause of it or just because, i will adopt them. oh, you don’t have good relationship with your parents or you don’t have some parent at all, guess what, you are my child now. i will take care of you. sorry, but i don’t make rules. and i don’t know if it’s the “eldest daughter” complex or queerness in me, but this one trope, the found family, you will have to pry open from my dead hands.

me at found family trope:

Nah fr I was pretty creeped out by some of André's actions, bro tried to poison Oscar's wine out of 'love' and this is why I ship Oscar and Rosalie.

If this was like certain other manga/anime then André more like Yandré.

ROSALIEEEEEE! where have you beeeeeeeeen how could you leeeave(Andre asks the same thing haha WHO KNEW WE’D EVER AGREE). OSCAR GOT SEXUALLY ASSAULTED BY A JERKWAD WHEN YOU WEREN’T AROUND. COME BACK AND BE GAY WITH HER SO ANDRE CAN DIE OF LONELINESS.

I guess the reason she’s not in the anime as much as she was in the manga is because people didn’t like her. PEOPLE ARE WRONG. HOW COULD THEY LIKE A SEXUALLY ASSAULTING JERK LIKE ANDRE AND NOT ROSALIE. OH HAHA NEVER MIND WE ALL KNOW WHY.

“Nevertheless life and death are mysterious states, and we know little of the resources of either.” (Sheridan Le Fanu "Carmilla")

“I am sure, Carmilla, you have been in love; that there is, at this moment, an affair of the heart going on.” (Sheridan Le Fanu "Carmilla")

"The young lady did not acknowledge this pretty speech, did not seem to hear it. She was leaning back in her seat, her fine eyes under their long lashes gazing on me in contemplation, and she smiled in a kind of rapture.

“And now you can read quite plainly the name that is written in the corner.

It is not Marcia; it looks as if it was done in gold. The name is Mircalla, Countess Karnstein, and this is a little coronet over and underneath A.D.

1698. I am descended from the Karnsteins; that is, mamma was.” (Sheridan Le Fanu "Carmilla")

"Without knowing it, I was now in a pretty advanced stage of the strangest illness under which mortal ever suffered. There was an unaccountable fascination in its earlier symptoms that more than reconciled me to the incapacitating effect of that stage of the malady. This fascination increased for a time, until it reached a certain point, when gradually a sense of the horrible mingled itself with it, deepening, as you shall hear, until it discolored and perverted the whole state of my life."

“She came there after you had searched it, still in her sleep, and at last awoke spontaneously, and was as much surprised to find herself where she was as any one else. I wish all mysteries were as easily and innocently explained as yours, Carmilla,” he said, laughing. “And so we may congratulate ourselves on the certainty that the most natural explanation of the occurrence is one that involves no drugging, no tampering with locks, no burglars, or poisoners, or witches—nothing that need alarm Carmilla, or anyone else, for our safety.” (Sheridan Le Fanu "Carmilla")

All images above were created by the wonderful Ana Juan for an Italian edition of Sheridan Le Fanu's lesbian vampire classic "Carmilla" in 2015

Internet Archive

Carmilla : Le Fanu, Joseph Sheridan : Free Download, Borrow, and Streaming : Internet Archive

101. [1] p. : 28 cm

The urge to cut my parents out of my life is so strong rn but I also don't wanna do that bc my parents brought me to this world and raised me and gave me good food and shelter. And they make sure that I know that because they raised me I'll have to take care of them back once I get the money and I'd be a horrible kid if I didn't.

I have never felt more at peace with myself when my parents are out or I'm in a locked bathroom bc my room doesn't have any locks. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells whenever I'm around my parents. I want them to see I'm doing good on the surface, because the surface I put up in front of me is all they ever talk about. And grades are the surface I'm talking about. And so I try my hardest to get good grades and I have a fucking breakdown when the grades weren't what I expected, because this gives my parents more of an excuse to talk more about how I could improve more and threaten to take me out of my school. I hate making mistakes in front of them.

My mom tells me the future she envisions for me so whenever I get an average grade I feel like a failure in my life and to my parents. My mom keeps telling me how she never had fun in her highschool years bc she was busy studying and getting the top grades and how it would be good and I would be successful later if I could stop having a lot of fun as well, by leaving things I enjoy doing.

I hate getting reminded of how expensive my school and my extra classes are. I feel like a useless purchase/expense. I feel like quitting all my classes so that it helps with my parents savings. I want my sister to get out of my room. I want my father to stop scolding me for going upstairs when all I wanted was personal space, bc I don't feel comfortable doing anything I like around my family.

I wish my family took my feelings seriously and didn't call me sensitive when I was a child, so now I wouldn't have to lock up my feelings around them and tell them what they want to hear. If my family took my feelings seriously, maybe I wouldn't smile with my mouth closed the way I do now. Or maybe I would be able to speak my mother tongue fluently if my family didn't make fun of me when I was learning English.

The worst thing is I can't tell them this, or anything about me really, they would tell me that there are bigger problems in the world. And there are, and my friends all have problems of their own, and I don't want to burden them with my own, I'd rather help them solve their problems or just be there for them when they need it. I'd feel selfish and silly for talking about my problems. It feels really lonely but I feel better if I know I was able to help other people. All I really want to do with my life is just run from the expectations, or sleep forever, or pull my soul out from my body.