KNOWING WHEN TO SAY WHEN!!!

KNOWING WHEN TO SAY WHEN!!!

I say knowing to say when in the tittle because. I'm still learning this. Hopefully you all can get some help from this or even advise me on this too.

When I was a Gaybe = Gay baby. I would use humor to have people over look my homosexuality. It was my way of feeling safe in other peoples presence. Little did I know there was no such thing. I have learn that they just tolerated me. A feeling I wish on no one. A feeling of, I'm only here because you feel like dealing with me at this moment. I bring this up because of the first valuable life lesson that I learned was. To not allow my loyalty to enslave me.

What I have noticed about myself is that. I like to stick with what I know and with what I am comfortable with. And part of that for me is loyalty. It's a quality I truly value in people. Something I was shown very little of as a child and in my early 20's.

I noticed that I was a giver. I would give my time. My energy, my love. My. Almost everything. To me, this was being loyal. What I had not known was that I lacked boundaries. I lacked self awareness and self love. You see my mother since the age of 8 has been telling me that she could not wait until I was 18, so she could kick me out. That I was a problem child and what not. I use to feel bad about being male. She would get mad at me for not doing traditional male things but she pushed men out of my life. So how was I supposed to do. How was I supposed to KNOW!!!

Little did she know, I knew. That she was not really mad at me. But mad at my father. I looked just like him! I looked like a spitting image of that man. For that I believe she did not want me or love me the way I needed to be. Because of what ever issues those two had with one another.

I also know that my father was a whore. I mean, I cant blame him. He was handsome as fuck. Still kind of is. My father is a quarter french a quarter Puerto Rican and fifty percent Blacktino. My father is a sexy pasty man. lol When people look at me they think I'ma mulato. Part Black and part White. No latino, but there are those of us who can Identify me. Which always made me feel good about myself.

So going back into this " SAY WHEN!" Business. These experiences that I had. With my mother and the guest appearances from my father. Has let me know how much value I had to them. This is how, in my opinion, children start to form their Identities. Thus, where Loyalty has become a pillar I look for in other people.

However, what I lacked and were cracks, created in this pillar was "CONSISTENCY." Can you continue to be a loyal person to me. On this journey, I looked for love of a mother and love from friends. And I had found it. Or so I thought........ to be continued!!!

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For centuries, people of all walks of life have turned to tarot to divine what may lay ahead and reach a higher level of self-understanding.

The cards’ enigmatic symbols have become culturally ingrained in music, art and film, but the woman who inked and painted the illustrations of the most widely used set of cards today – the Rider-Waite deck from 1909, originally published by Rider & Co. – fell into obscurity, overshadowed by the man who commissioned her, Arthur Edward Waite.

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Artificial kidneys for people with kidney failure may be closer than we think

GEN - Genetic Engineering and Biotechnology News

Artificial Kidney Bioreactor Keeps Human Renal Cells Alive in Pigs

Researchers say bioartificial kidney will make treatment for renal disease more effective and more tolerable.

More than 500k people in the US require dialysis every week due to kidney failure. Some of those people are able to receive organ transplants, but the waiting list is incredibly long and only about 20k people receive transplants every year. On top of that, a person's body can reject the transplanted organ, and even if it is successful the patient will have to take immunosuppressant drugs for the rest of their life.

However, scientists at the University of California San Francisco hope that can be changed. They have created a bioreactor, a sort of artificial organ that can safely perform the functions of a kidney. It is connected directly to the blood vessels and veins, allowing passage of nutrients and oxygen like the actual kidney would. This bioreactor was tested using a type of kidney cell called a proximal tubule cell, which regulates water. These cells are encased in a silicon membrane with nanopores, which allows the cells to do their job while preventing the body's immune system from identifying and attacking them. These bioreactors were tested in pigs, and after a week the animals experienced no ill effects or rejection.

The next steps will be expanding to month long trials, and including more different kinds of cells in the reactor to perform more of the kidney's functions. Though this technology is still far from being perfected, this is a huge step in the direction of treating kidney disease far more easily and effectively!