I Don't Have A Cool Or Interesting Post Today. Highschool Sucks. I Have No One. I'm So Incredibly Lonely

I don't have a cool or interesting post today. Highschool sucks. I have no one. I'm so incredibly lonely it's not even funny. I got my heart broken for the 2nd time by the same person. It feels like the one millionth time. My heart aches. My eyes want to cry, but nothing will come out. The thing is, it's not his fault either. Maybe I just deserve it. Everything. I'm sorry self. I told you I would be better. But the crying won't stop. I'm sorry. When will this go away? When can I feel like me again? I don't even know who I am anymore. This isn't for attention. This is for myself. I tried comforting me, but instead, I'm falling apart.

This is my theme for today;

"A part of me wonders if you'll even show up to my funeral. Will we still be friends before we die?"

- Dreaming of Wolves//Dark 3AM Thoughts

(Don't worry, I'm okay I swear, I'm just expressing myself.)

Fun Facts About Me (Part One):

- I am most certainly a heartbreaker, but I always feel bad about it

- I wear my heart on my sleeve

- Sometimes if you listen closely, I'm singing

- Catch me walking anywhere and I'm also singing

- I also randomly dance

- I drink a lot of water. A lot.

- I have a scar on my left hand from clawing myself with my own fingernail

- My fingernails are pointed upwards on purpose

- I have an iconic fashion style

- And by that I mean I only wear black, purple, and blue

- I have tiny arms

- I have tiny hands

- I'm really smol

- Smoller than most. It looks kinda unhealthy

- I have an awkward hunch

- My eyes are very intimidating

"Don't cry," He whispered to the broken girl beside him on the ground, "you have me."

The girl choked on her own tears. Blood splattered on the dusty dirt ground below them. It was only them left.

"Now... Now the war is over," She wiped her tears away, "when my friends are all dead. And I'm still here."

- Dreaming of Wolves//Story Excerpt

I am sick of hearing about shootings and death on the news. I am sick of having to hear about tragedies each day. I am sick of living in a world rooted in fear. I am scared to go to school. I am scared to go home. I am scared to go anywhere. There is no peace for this planet anymore. We need to come together as people. We need to heal those who are hurt. We need to focus on each other. We need to give the world a group hug. I am tired of living in fear. I want peace. And I am going to fight for it.

- dreamingofwolves

Personality Quirks/Quirks in General I Have:

-Flinch at physical contact

-Can't navigate for the life of me, but once I have a path down, I will never not go that path

-Can't solve most school locks

-Always paranoid that someone is going to hurt me. Mostly stab or shoot me.

-Paranoid of people behind me, that's why I never turn my back on people. Literally.

-Can't eat in front of people because I'm messy, and another reason.

-Literally the most mess of a person you will ever meet.

-I use literally too much.

-I cry over everything. I know I'm over emotional.

-But some reason, can't show weakness in front of strangers/my parents.

-I have a very, very good long term and short term memory.

-I always have a weird way of thinking and cannot follow the way teachers teach me.

-Due to my number phobia, both clocks and math are hard for me to deal with.

-Seriously. I have no idea what goes on during math. I just pretend to know what I'm doing.

-And also, I have a schedule for sleeping due to the phobia of numbers.

-I need every friend of mine to give me a gift, preferably a plushie, once we get close because I need something that reminds me of them + bares their smell in case I lose that person.

-I am too much of a perfectionist and can't stand when things are out of order.

-If the house is messy/my room, I can't work, sleep, and I become restless.

-I have a MASSIVE fear of losing my friends/my friends being killed my enemies.

-That's why I'm overprotective of them.

-I wear my heart on my sleeve too much, and always get broken in the end.

-I either trust completely or not at all, there's no in between.

-I have two personalities, the way I see me, and the way my friends see me. Both are very accurate to who I am.

-I constantly struggle with balance in my life.

-If you are my enemy, yoU'RE GOING DOWN. I will not let you hurt my friends. Ever. Fight me.

-I have an overwhelming fear of school shootings/mass shootings and always prepare myself for one.

-I watch scary documentaries and then go to sleep and have nightmares.

-I count nightmares as just dreams.

-I remember all of my dreams. I frequently lucid dream, but just see what happens instead of controlling myself.

-I seem chill, but I'm super uptight.

-I am drawn to people that have the "bad boy" look.

-I read too many X Readers because I need to feel loved.

-I love people watching.

-When I have a crush, I'll stalk them online.

-Animals always consider me their mate for some reason??