This Hurt.

This hurt.

Trigger warning: Breakfast

society6 here

Alternative Ending #1

To this encounter.

Man: Do you want me to cut it off?

Me:  *maintains intense eye contact while reaching in bag and pulling out a switchblade.**  Slides switchblade across the table, tilts head*   

Man:  ...

Me:  *raises eyebrow* Yes.  Do it.

** An AU where I am a bad ass bitch and carry a switchblade.

Fun things

So last night when i was in that fuzzy spot between being awake and being asleep I called out for him.

I had homemade cherry ice cream today in a waffle cone. He can shove it.

In October, he told me that he hoped I never let myself slip into the notion that I deserved to treat myself.

Speaking of cutting it off...

The man I was referring to in my second to last post was insufferable in general.  However the last part was particularly triggering with the “cutting it off” thing

One time, he went into the bathroom with two knives after threatening to cut his penis off.  

You see, in the correspondence he read between me and the men I cheated with, I "got back” at him by saying rude things about him.  I was angry, hurt, feeling helpless, and I got some juvenile satisfaction out of trashing his “manhood”.  I said he was small and that he didn’t satisfy me.  In reality, he was quite average and he didn’t satisfy me, but that had nothing to do with his hardware.

I felt I was the cause of all this distress (and he, of course, reinforced this later).  He’d also threatened to kill himself.  What I didn’t seem to qualify is that he’d also threatened to maim and kill me that day.

Even knowing he could turn those knives on me, and that I would be in close quarters with someone who was in the mindset of cutting off a part of his body, I ran into that room screaming.  I think I slipped and fell on the way in, but I managed to get in before he could block me out.

I talked him into handing the knives over to me, but only after being berated for screaming (didn’t I know the neighbours might hear?), and threatened to be gutted a few times -  verbally and with violent, threatening gestures.

Remembering this has made my whole body shudder and quake.  I wonder at my luck, sometimes; how on earth did I survive this man?

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