Fun Things

Fun things

So last night when i was in that fuzzy spot between being awake and being asleep I called out for him.

Hey look, I did a thing.... NTAMW…

Never trust a man who insists on punishing you for your crimes, real or imagined, with sex acts.

Alternative Ending #1

To this encounter.

Man: Do you want me to cut it off?

Me:  *maintains intense eye contact while reaching in bag and pulling out a switchblade.**  Slides switchblade across the table, tilts head*   

Man:  ...

Me:  *raises eyebrow* Yes.  Do it.

** An AU where I am a bad ass bitch and carry a switchblade.

Inheritance

My eldest brother has a substance abuse problem. A few years ago my parents had to bail him out of a huge financial hole he dug for himself and his wife.

My dad was furious. FURIOUS. Contemplating-going-to-the-lawyer-to-change-the-will kind of furious.

I am not a fan of my brother, but I talked my dad down anyway. Dad was angry, and that's a terrible time to make big financial decisions. 

When I informed him that Dad was considering taking my brother out of the will and I had talked him out of it, he was so angry with me. "You just fucked yourself. You fucked us!"

He wasn't a fan of my brother either, but he just thought he was a bit of a dope. He didn't really know/register my dislike for him or the reasons for it. So he just wanted me to sell my brother up the creek so I'd get a part of his inheritance. And by "I" we know I mean "we" which we know means "he."

He makes me so sick.

I have received far too many positive, sweet messages recently and I am compelled to remind you all that I am far from blameless. 

Full disclosure.

I cheated. Yes, I’m one of those horrible people.

And not just once. It was systematic. It spanned years, and with multiple people. I was trying to heal myself, give myself a moment of reprieve, find that light heartedness that makes life manageable.

What it actually did was cause further destruction to my self worth. And I handed him a weapon and an excuse that he used to torture me further for another two years.

My actions are inexcusable. I have no one to blame for them but myself. I have been wrought at the idea that I have inflicted pain. It is done and cannot be undone. I can only be better moving forward.

In October, he told me that he hoped I never let myself slip into the notion that I deserved to treat myself.