Today, He Won't Even Look At Me.

Today, he won't even look at me.

I made these and I'm quite pleased with how they turned out. I'm always a little surprised when I can do things, since he said I can't do anything right.

Turns out, he's wrong.

Here is to another year of pumpkin carving and another year of healing. Happy Halloween friends.

Actually, I do know. He has probably spent his life bullying and manipulating people into doing what, when, and how he wants while devaluing themselves and their contributions.

He must have worked with people that didn't call him on mistakes, oversights or inappropriate behaviour that he tried to heave on someone else.

He told me once that he takes credit for everything that happened at his workplace because that's how you get ahead. I told him it was more in my nature to praise my team, since they do the heavy lifting. He said that humility doesn't exemplify confidence and I am not promotable.

I called him on being contradictory. I called him on it when he was being abusive. I called him on it when he tried to manipulate me. And I called him on it when he tried to run my department. It wasn't always graceful, and at times I was consumed with self doubt. But i held my ground, and I can't tell you how proud of myself I am.

I also had a good relationship with my staff and he envied that. I believe you earn the respect of your team by valuing what they do and treating them like people. He believes you demand respect from the title you hold and being at the top should make you invincible.

Well. I found out he resigned from his position. Funny how that all worked out.

Not that it particularly matters, but that interaction with my boss was the last one I had with him. No good luck wish, no hand shake, nothing.

He hated me to my very core and I have no idea why.

I am going through some of my old emails. I think I've started to hate him. Seeing even bits of these messages fills me with shame, which in turn causes anger.

How dare he make me feel that shitty about myself?!

Depression is hitting pretty hard. The last few job prospects were not what i thought they were.

My last paycheck will be November 15 and i have nothing to replace it.

My woman has already insisted she buy me snow tires, because I advised that I won't have the money to buy them at this time. This makes me ashamed. Especially since she has been stretched thin lately herself.

And a quick flashback to a conversation with my Father yesterday who helpfully reminded me that i "shouldn't be depending on anybody." Thanks, Pops, for the pep talk.

And i still have to go to this place for another 8 shifts. Once again, I'd like to ask why I have to be in this discouraging position while my shithead, incompetent, mysogenist boss suffers with none of it.

Sufficient time has passed and I feel calm enough to write about my last days on my job. 

My resignation letter detailed my last shift as October 22, as well as days I would be taking for my liues.  I also gave him a schedule for my last 4 weeks.  He came up to me on the Thursday (21) and said “You’re done on the 7th, right?”  To which I replied that no, Friday was to be my last day.

He proceeded to tell me that the lieu days would not be paid out, that he needed two more days from me - one the one week, and one the following.  That I had no choice.  He was frantic - clearly he needed to get things from me and was too foolish to set aside time for it. Taken aback, I said I would look into it.

The following day he sends me an email where he wrote ON MY RESIGNATION LETTER that I had agreed to stay longer.  This was the last straw. No.  So I sent a response to him and his boss, stating that I had not agreed to stay and that I was to be paid out as I had requested.

He flies up to my office 15 minutes later stating I had it wrong and he was offering me those two days as an option. So I could be paid out for a full two weeks.  It was for my benefit that he so graciously offered me that option.  He then told me that he  “didn’t know what goes through [my] head sometimes” and then walked out of my office.

I remember what gaslighting feels like.  If there was any doubt in my decision prior to this, it was gone completely from that moment on.