I Try Not To Throw People With Other Mental Health Issues Under The Bus, So I Used My Superb Editing

I try not to throw people with other mental health issues under the bus, so I used my superb editing skills and changed the title a bit.

It’s so extraordinary otherwise.

turns out my life purpose isn’t supposed to be as small and silent and accommodating and convenient as possible

I've been alive 35 years today, which is at least 4 more than I was expecting.

This was one of gaps in my coping mechanism arsenal that I owe to him.

I mourn for the functioning adult I may have become if he hadn't held me under his thumb.

The appeal of this place, really.

I appreciate that people that follow me on here both know everything about me in one way and nothing in another.

The flashbacks have eased some over the last 3.5 years. So last night startled me.

She and I are lying in bed winding down watching tiktok on my phone. She reached over me to take my phone out of my hand for some reason and her harm put a bit of pressure on my radius bone ( top of my forearm).

I shouted "Stop!" very intensely and very suddenly. My body went in full rigid alert mode, and she shrunk back like a wounded animal.

I thought about it for a second. He used to grab my arms there and squeeze. It was so painful and I felt so helpless. He'd also grab me there to shake me. There were always little finger shaped bruises on my forearms back then.

I apologised for the sharp response and I explained why it happened. She says she understands, but she blames herself for my reaction

How could she have known something so benign would have triggered a trauma response?

I feel terrible.