Coping Skills - Tumblr Posts

Fizzarolli c-link Scenekid/rainbow retro moodboard by me :3

Moodboard requests open

⚠️Bright colours under cut ⚠️

Fizzarolli c-link Scenekid/rainbow retro moodboard by me :3

He is actually me I am not kidding. EJHC EFUVHBEFUVHBERUH ERFUHBEVUHWBRFUHSR

[Drawing in the center belongs to the respective owner honeyfisa on x/twitter]

yes i know i like that trope bc of some deep psychological trauma crap i do not care it makes me happy why can’t you let me be happy please let me be happy i am depressed individual and i need the fictional characters to get away okay

your friends love you, your brain is just mean

My inbox is open for anyone who needs someone to listen to them without judgment or trying to fix them. I feel this most days. We are going to get through this.

My boundaries are this: I won't answer if I feel like I'm being trolled or if you're planning on hurting someone else.

Please be kind and respectful, and I'll do my best to get back to you.

I feel this way many days

🐸

My theory of adhd management is that in order to focus there are 4 things that need to be sufficiently occupied:

Eyes

Ears

Hands (or body)

Brain

And if you aren’t occupying them enough or there’s too many things demanding the use of one, it’ll start to wreck havoc on your ability to do things.

So for example, listening to a podcast. This occupies your ears and brain as you focus on both listening and processing what you hear, but it leaves your hands and eyes completely without anything to do. If you tried to sit down and just listen to a podcast by itself you’d probably get unbearably bored and stop doing it.

But if you pair that activity with something that uses your hands and eyes, like a craft, household chore, or commute, suddenly you’re fully plugged in and can in fact focus better on both tasks than you could if you tried doing them separately.

It’s also why you can’t listen to a podcast while doing homework; you’re trying to use your brain for two different tasks. To occupy your ears while doing homework (which is already using eyes, brain, and hands) you need something for your ears that doesn’t require your brain: music. Specifically music that doesn’t use too much brain power, which is why some people prefer instrumentals or songs in other languages.

Hyperfixation and sensory overload change this by moving the threshold for how much sensory input you need to be able to function. If I’m extremely focused on a craft project (eyes, hands, brain) I might not even need something for my ears; my interest in the project makes up for it. If i’ve had a very overwhelming day, trying to listen to an audiobook while I do some stretches could be too much to process. My brain needs a break.

Video games, which pretty much universally occupy all 4 areas, are basically instant, easy focus wrapped up in a neat little bow. No wonder adhd-havers tend to love them.

If you’re struggling with a task, try looking at which areas it occupies and which are left unattended. Then try to find something enjoyable to fill those gaps, and see if that helps.

here is a compilation of some of my favorite resources, workbooks & apps for people who cannot afford going to therapy, but would like to improve themselves in any way:

therapistaid has many, many worksheets for skills from dbt and even a self care assesment!

cbt worksheets from psychologytools.

coping skills for anger, managing difficult thoughts, getting better sleeping habits, etc.

mental health resources for kids & teens.

DBT skills training (pdf)

DBT skills workbook (pdf)

wysa app offers a wide range of skills, from a personalized AI chat where you can vent to a compilation of your emergency contacts. (only available on google play as of feb 2021)

sanvello app (google play + app store) allows you to track your progress, identify which self care habits you need to improve and guives you monthly reports of your overall state.

feel free to add more!

Um.

What they don't tell you about the grief stages is that they aren't a linear progression. They kind of splatter all over the place.

Today I saw a bit of rage - I got in a screaming "Fuck You" match with someone over a parking space. I think if she had come near me I would have stabbed her with the pen in my pocket.

I am certain this goes without saying, but it wasn't about the parking spot. * Insert cringing emoji here *

I learned to keep house impeccably. Not only to keep you from becoming agitated, but also to keep my mind and hands occupied on simple, mind numbing yet mildly satisfying tasks.

Busy hands do not shake, and a busy mind does not dwell on that bruise on my shoulder from last night.

Thick Skin

I can thank him for that at least. And a very convincing smile.

Sorry, one more ED post.

TW - ED, self harm - last one for a while, promise.

I can’t attribute all my body image stuff to him; most of that was there prior.

Culprit?  Dance played a big role - serious ballet students rarely walk out unscathed from body image issues. You are consistently made aware of all the things wrong with your body and comparisons to your colleagues are inevitable.

Bodysuits and tights don’t exactly hide one’s figure, and dressing rooms are.. well... there’s lots of naked people (probably some sexuality repression seeds planted here, another post, another blog).  

It’s a very strange combination: being hyper-comfortable being exposed and on display while being hyper-aware of every flaw. It certainly tainted my idea of beauty - I still love and long for that emaciated look in spite of myself.  You know, where you can see the sternum - long, lanky and flat everywhere.

Enter in the part 2 of my self harm:  Running.  It was the perfect addition and worked in tandem with the extremely restricted calorie intake.  He loved it because it helped me slim down.  I thoroughly enjoyed it as well, but not just because it gave me the body type I’ve been brainwashed to like.  

At the time, we lived out in the county and I ran at night.  There were few lights, few houses, and a few wild animal sightings.

Those runs were magical. There were sunsets, and stars like I’d never seen. At twilight I’d run past fields covered in fireflies performing a light show just for me.  Some nights I could hear coyotes howling off in the distance. 

If he was on me about something that night, I could escape.  I could clear my head and focus purely on my senses - my shoes hitting the ground, my controlled breathing, the moonlight, the smell of grass and dirt, the sound of the creek underneath the bridge.  His voice in my head was drowned out by all of the things around me. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest  and it reminded me that I was still alive.  I felt free.  

I still don’t know how I managed these runs having consumed so little. I would run 8, 10, 12 km having eaten a bowl of soup and 5 crackers that day and an apple with peanut butter and a protein bar the day before.  Some days I wouldn’t eat at all and still run a 25 minute 5k.  I ran with the flu, gastroenteritis, and injuries.  

I often think about the harm I did to my body during this time. I knew it too, but nothing stopped me.  It was alI I could do for a reprieve from him.

Baaahaha.

What doesn’t kill you gives you a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a really dark sense of humor.

I have received far too many positive, sweet messages recently and I am compelled to remind you all that I am far from blameless. 

Full disclosure.

I cheated. Yes, I’m one of those horrible people.

And not just once. It was systematic. It spanned years, and with multiple people. I was trying to heal myself, give myself a moment of reprieve, find that light heartedness that makes life manageable.

What it actually did was cause further destruction to my self worth. And I handed him a weapon and an excuse that he used to torture me further for another two years.

My actions are inexcusable. I have no one to blame for them but myself. I have been wrought at the idea that I have inflicted pain. It is done and cannot be undone. I can only be better moving forward.

If you were ever looking for a place to start:

1. Walks are wonderful - no one you pass knows anything about the purpose of your journey, so you don't need to feel awkward in your 'aloneness'.

2. The movies! It's dark, and you're not supposed to speak anyway. Show up during previews if you're feeling vulnerable.

There are worse things

When I am alone, I think it is the worst. I have to remind myself constantly that no, indeed, it isn’t.

I wonder how I would handle the normal day to day stress of life he hadn't been manipulating me to distrust and hate myself in the formative years of my early adulthood.

Most people learn coping skills during those years; they figure out how to 'get on with it' in the face of challenges.

I don't have coping skills except for avoidance. Distraction. Or I sweat and visualize all the ways I'm going to screw this up or not have the skills to be successful.

I am defeated before I begin.

Was I always like this?

This was one of gaps in my coping mechanism arsenal that I owe to him.

I mourn for the functioning adult I may have become if he hadn't held me under his thumb.

Living with him made it very difficult to be a good person. I wasn't. That made it difficult to leave.

two things can be true at the same time. your behavior could've been toxic but you were still being abused. you don't have to be an angel to be a victim.

One hour at a time.. and then just one more hour.. and another.

My god, let tomorrow be a better day..

I've written a workbook, received the first, small, print run and now it's time to find new, welcoming homes for them.

I understand that the book may not be your thing but if you know somebody who might be interested I'd be so grateful if you shared it with them.

Here's the blurb on the back cover:

It's also available as an instant download.

Get a free excerpt, look inside the book and find out more at www.croakingravenstudio.com

If you've read any of my posts here you've probably got the (correct) impression that I'm shy and retiring, an in-the-background type of person. If that's you too, you'll have an idea how uncomfortable it is for me to say, "Hey, look what I've done!" but if you could help by sharing this post and link, that would truly be awesome!

Thank you.

trigger warning: child abuse

locking a child in their room during an episode, whether that be a meltdown or a 'tantrum', is not good, don't do it. It leaves the kid with zero proper coping skills and the inevitable rage during their teen years will not be fun for either of you.