Abuse and trauma survivor - these are my stories in no particular order. Content warnings and triggers everywhere. Adult blog; 18+ only.
794 posts
A Particularly Troubling Symptom At This Juncture
A particularly troubling symptom at this juncture
I had a nice Christmas with my mother’s side of the family. Good food and everyone was very sweet to one another. We played cards, and laughed. It’s was lovely. I didn’t think about him for a moment.
And now I feel awful. I can’t really explain why.
I expect the flashbacks, the triggers, and the horrible memories. I expect to feel bad when it makes sense to feel bad.
Why does the good have to be ruined too?
More Posts from Enoughdonegone
The “kicking” in question was me telling him he downgraded. Contrary to the message above, he made sure I was aware then exactly how much I’d hurt him by hanging up on me twice and reminding me what a good man he’s been to me despite the fact that I am a horrible person.
My comment was petty, I’ll admit that. Other than that, though, I did what he loves: stroked his ego. Keeps things peaceful, and yet, I got to wake up to this last week.
Add this to the pile
He used to make me park my car a block or more away from his ( once our) house. Didn't care if I was cold, carrying heavy things or leaving at 4am.
If I parked in the same spot twice in a row he would threaten to not have me over anymore.
Anthem
While working in the basement one day, I did something that upset him (likely the board I was holding wasn’t straight or flush enough for him, or something we screwed together wasn’t square). He pushed me to the ground and I hit my head.
He stood over me, triumphant and imposing. I locked eyes with him for a moment, stunned. Then he sang “Who runs the world” in a mocking voice; he sang Beyonce daring me to get up.
His racism was the source of so many of our fights. It led to an outburst of violence at least once. At the time I chastised myself for not keeping my mouth shut; I could let so much else go without a word. But not the nonsensical bile he spewed at the world's current favourite scapegoat
Now I feel a little proud for not backing down. I lost a lot of myself throughout all of this, but not everything.