Does Anyone Else Have This Trauma Symptom?

Does anyone else have this trauma symptom?

Thinking about my childhood and any pleasant things from it makes me cry. I just watched something that played the theme to Mr. Dress Up and I'm weeping.

Second Hand Anxiety

My partner has an interview today. I am LOSING MY FUCKING MIND about it. I feel like if she doesn't get the job it will be because I failed her.

Not sure if I just want her to get the job she really wants because it would make her happy and improve her quality of life. Or maybe it's because he blamed me for anything in his life that did not go his way.

"If you would have fucking slept on the couch so I could actually sleep...."

"They asked questions that weren't on the list you gave me. Thanks for fucking this up for me..."

"I don't fucking care if you don't know anything about machining. I told you to take notes for me to study for my trades exam. These notes are shit. It's like you're not even trying...."

Still figuring it out. I'll think about it while I go vomit. Stay tuned!

Still finding new ones nearly 5 years later!

bitches hate when other people are in the kitchen because they’ve spent their entire lives being criticized for doing tasks imperfectly and having their eating habits policed and now have incredible anxiety about other people judging their cooking choices that can’t be easily explained in a few words as to why they’re acting so hostile about someone else being near them during this very vulnerable process. it’s me, i’m bitches

I think she just grasped that there's a REALLY long way to go.

Therapist: Ok, I think we can try to tweak how you speak to yourself and shine some light in the dark. How do you feel when you get dressed up? You know, make up, cute outfit, that sort of thing...

Me: eeeeeee *laughs*

Therapist: ... That bad?

Me: "Wow, make up can't even help this. Look at what you have done to yourself. You should cover the mirrors in the house. You are a disgrace and disgusting and you're never going to come back from this. You're ugly, and you're going to be ugly for the rest of your life now. You have no value, slob."

Therapist: Holy shiiiiiit....

You know that feeling where you're eyes are burning, and you can't focus on anything because you're so exhausted, but your body is wired and so pumped up with cortisol and dread that you can barely sit let alone actually sleep?

I felt like that for 10 years straight.

and I still do.

You didn’t just put me down

you made me put myself down