Still Finding New Ones Nearly 5 Years Later!

Still finding new ones nearly 5 years later!

bitches hate when other people are in the kitchen because they’ve spent their entire lives being criticized for doing tasks imperfectly and having their eating habits policed and now have incredible anxiety about other people judging their cooking choices that can’t be easily explained in a few words as to why they’re acting so hostile about someone else being near them during this very vulnerable process. it’s me, i’m bitches

I’ll start off by saying that I can’t speak for everyone. However in my experience, and in my discussions with other survivors, it seems that in the early days of abuse recovery we become obsessed with understanding WHY.

Why did they do this?  Why didn’t I see who they really were?  Why did they choose me?  Why did I allow this?  

We buy books, research online for hours, bombard our therapists with theories, and try to find stories like ours. We look for the truth somewhere outside of ourselves.  It feels like if we can just find that one elusive  piece of the logic puzzle, our knowledge will heal us. 

It’s probably a necessary part of the process, and can be therapeutic in its own way. But you can’t push away the inevitable forever.  The feelings come, and they come hard.  They have to.

When I slowed down on the fervent research and made myself sit in the pit of horrors that was my brain, things started to change a bit. 

Does anyone else have this trauma symptom?

Thinking about my childhood and any pleasant things from it makes me cry. I just watched something that played the theme to Mr. Dress Up and I'm weeping.

and I still do.

You didn’t just put me down

you made me put myself down

A prevailing symptom of my abuse is not believing myself when I don't feel well.

Today I am going to bed early.  My body is feeling symptoms of stress, and it’s high time I started listening to it.

I don't know why, but I googled his name.

He got into an accident on his bike in April and has a GoFundMe set up by his girlfriend. He was in the hospital for 10 weeks.

There's some feels here, but not what I was expecting.

Oopsie.

You know when you know something is a bad idea, but you do it anyways?

Have any of you figured out how to curb that yet?