I Saw This Post This Morning And I Cant Stop Thinking About It So I Do Hope You Dont Mind Me Adding To

I saw this post this morning and I can’t stop thinking about it so I do hope you don’t mind me adding to this.

Okay, let’s start with Triss, because yes. Her obliterating threats like that with plants and trees is fucking awesome to think about (sorry not sorry but hot too). Not only can she do that but maybe if her anger is starting to really show and simmer into a boil, the plants around her start to grow rapidly. Not too fast, but it’s pretty noticeable. Let’s say her and yen are sparking up conversation with some young mages, who are just a load of pricks. Triss, being ticked off by something they do/say, starts to quiet down and a mean frown makes home on her face, but also the plants around them start to grow, and Yen being mindful and not really paying attention to the youth, decides that maybe it’s time for these ass bags to get the hell out of there before Triss does something about it. It’s just lovely to think of Triss getting mad and she’s standing in a field or a brick road with weeds and plants growing in between and they just grow slowly as her magic is slowly overtaken by anger.

Eskel, my sweet man, is probably one hell of a fighter. Sure I love to think of him as smart and well thought out, but when I say “one hell of a fighter” I mean he just doesn’t really think and starts acting without the thought process. He’s very in the moment with his anger. If this man is pissed off, he’s probably grab the thing closes to him and wham the shit out of whatever is pissing him off. Chair? Yep. Scorpions saddle? Most likely. You name it, he probably used it to knock a man out. A bonus is since I like to think that him and Jaskier are cool and close friends do to the love of poetry, I wouldn’t doubt he once or twice grabbed the bards lute to beat a man. I think that shows how in the moment he is with his anger, don’t think just get rid of the problem. Another side note is maybe he doesn’t get to angry easily and really feeds off other people’s annoyance and anger? Some clown going off in the square and people hate it? Eskel to the rescue, let him just grab something real close.

For Vesemir, I think this man (being the oldest Witcher left) would be fucking dangerous if he was angered. It would be very hard for someone or something to get onto his nerves, let alone made him feel angry towards it. He’s got a lot of years under his belt, he’s made peace with himself, and I think that’s scary about him. Unlike Eskel who’s in the moment, Lambert and Geralt always being in the mood to fight, Vesemir is a calm man who’s already planned out how to take you out the moment he sees you. He does not loose character, and he’ll tell you how you’ve made him angry, tell you how he’s going to take care of the problem. The boys haven’t seen him truly angry, but I feel they all have a secret promise to not fuck with Vesemir if he seems or smells the slightest of upset.

I see your feral Jaskiers, Geralt’s, Yennfers, and Lamberts (that’s just his personality...). And I completely support them.

But might I ask,

WHERE ARE MY FERAL TRISSES, ESKELS, AND VESEMIRS?!

I WANT TRISS TO KILL A MAN BY GROWING A FUCKING TREE INSIDE HIM UNTIL HE FUCKING B U R S T S!!! GIVE THIS GIRL A S WO R D. LET HER SWING IT AROUND AND FIGHT SOMEONE!!! CRUSH SOMEONES BONES INTO DUST!!!

I WANT MORE ALZUR’S LEGACY ESKEL FUCKING KILLING A MAN WITH A CHAIR!!! I WANT THIS MAN TO STOP BEING NICE AND GO FUCKING APE SHIT!!! BREAK SOMEONES ARM WITH JUST HIS GRIP. DESTROY SOME ASSHOLES FACE WITH HIS FISTS!!!

I WANT VESEMIR SNAPPING AND DESTROYING AN ENTIRE TROOP THATS AFTER HIS SON AND GRANDDAUGHTER!!! I WANT THIS MAN TO GO G O D MODE!!

I see your feral Jaskiers, Geralts, Yennfers, and Lamberts. And I love them. But now I raise you, “I am tired of being nice. I do just wanna go ape shit.” Squad, Triss, Eskel, and Vesemir.

The thought of Geralt playing hide n seek with kids obliterates me. I come bringing stories of Geralt playing with town kids.

Let’s start off with the beginner, hide n seek. No one would ever play hide n seek with a Witcher because they can use all five sense to find you. But do kids know that? Picture this, Geralt walking into town, Roach walking next to him eyes on the stables at the end of the town’s road, and from the side, Geralt can see a group of small kids next to one of the tents open in the market. He knows better than to march right up to them and say hi, or to wave his huge hand at them, so he simply steps forwards and continues on. He made a few stops at a few tents to get some apples for roach, other items along the way to the stables and kept seeing the same kids but hiding. Were they scared of him? He didn’t smell any fear... once it clicks into his dense head, he smiles a little and walks on with Roach. Now when he sees the kids, he acts like he doesn’t, lifting his chin high or talking to roach quietly. Once to the stables, and Roach finally getting time to relax, he spots the kids hiding next to the stable, inching ever so closely. So he turns his back and makes a thinking face, finger tapping on his chin as he stared up at the sky with fake questions. After a moment of standing there, the kids hop out and all attempt to startle the Witcher, who hums and turns to the kids. They were all kinda bummed out they didn’t get to scare the Witcher, but Geralt gave them apples he got earlier.

I think the drawing is when he slowly getting to be more well known, and at first Jaskier thinks it’s for him. I think they’re in a town about to leave when a little girl comes running up to them, no words, just a paper she’s holding above her head. Geralt turns to her and is a bit worried she could trip, but Jaskier smiles and kneels down to her. Except she doesn’t go to Jaskier, she goes straight to Geralt, hopping at his feet and insisting he take the paper, it’s important. Geralt looks at Jaskier, who is stunned but amused and waves a little hand at him, then he takes the paper carefully from the girl. It’s a little drawing, clearly made by this little girl, of him and his sword. He looks mad, but is smiling and Geralt can’t help but feel his slow Witcher heart jump with excitement. He kneels down next to her, who is watching him closely, and holds up the picture next to himself, and smiles. “I think it’s an exact portrait, what wonderful art.” The little girl beams. Jaskier is so warmed by this, and years late he still sees the doodle every once in a while.

I think it get real wild when they call him for a game of Tag, or maybe some teens start to race him and his horse down the road on afternoon. Geralt being just, soft and kid friendly is my cup of tea.

Geralt of Rivia can, has, and will cut a bad man's head clean off his neck with one swing of his sword but he'll also play hide and seek with kids and keep the drawings kids he's helped give to him like they're treasures, and honestly that's so sexy of him.

I think, perhaps, Jaskier makes a habit of kissing Geralts hands,

Just, when theyre walking through the woods side by side and their hands brush together, Jaskier brings Geralts hand to his lips and places a kiss to it.

Geralt sitting at a bar staring crossly into his ale after a job gone south, and Jaskier sidles up next to him with a blinding smile on his face, pries Geralts fingers from his cup to press kisses to the pads of each finger, before flitting back into the crowd.

Jaskier gently washing gore and filth from Geralts hair, sitting on the floor next to the tub and bringing his lips to meet Geralts knuckles where hes gripping the side of the tub.

The two of them, lying close together, facing eachother in the cold dark of the night, Geralts hands brought up between the two, and Jaskier pressing warm kisses to them as they drift off to sleep.

real talk: the reason geralt takes so long to invite jaskier to kaer morhen? he doesn’t want a witness to the stupid shit he and his brothers get up to

namely, the Witcher Winter Olympics

each winter, all good little witchers flock home to rest, relax, catch up, yadda yadda

but holed up in one place for months, when they’re used to traveling wherever the Path takes them?

they get bored

it happens easily and very quickly

and then they get stupid creative

and thus the Winter Games

each day, someone will propose a challenge or competition to be completed or won. anything is fair game, as long as it can be vaguely shoehorned into one of these categories: strength, endurance, agility/dexterity, mental acuity, and why not?

some past examples of events include:

strength - greased up arm wrestling; chicken fights; can i knock you out with one pillow hit; who can resist trying to pet this cute cat we found the longest (this one’s more emotional strength but it counts); horse deadlifting; how many boulders is too many boulders; how many tears can we put in this shirt by flexing hard enough; toss a witcher

endurance - who can slav squat the longest; playing strip gwent, outside, in the snow, in the middle of the coldest night of winter; who can eat the most spicy peppers; obligatory drinking contests; who can hang upside down like a bat the longest; most days staying awake; stop hitting yourself

agility/dexterity - steal stuff off of/put stuff on vesemir without him noticing; drunken obstacle course; who can fold laundry the fastest and neatest (a vesemir suggestion); who can sneak up and startle the bejeezus out of the others the most in a day; drunk hide and seek; the most delicate needlepoint; fastest potato peeler; the floor is lava

mental acuity - limerick writing contest; who can craft the pun that induces the most rage; arts and crafts; psychological warfare; stupid debate club; name 5 things you like about yourself (another vesemir suggestion); jeopardy game night (topics include: which witcher?, potion making for dummies, did you even read the bestiary?, swords and scab”bards”, pop culture, etc); chopped-style cooking competition; best prank

why not? - truth or dare; diving competition in a lake of drowners; most creative bong; who can stay on this wyvern we stumbled across the longest; crazy hairstyle competition; can only speak in questions the entire day; which things mixed together will make the biggest explosion; how many of these weird berries can we eat before we die; shadow puppet theatre; trust falls at the most inopportune times; weirdest hookup story

yes, there are opening/closing ceremonies

yes, medals are awarded at the end of the season

yes, vesemir is the judge and only he knows the complicated points algorithm

(yes, he actually just gives out random points, which can be influenced by how much you have annoyed/bribed him that day)

just the boys being boys

Along with the other au’s and headcanons I talk about on here, Wolf Geralt is pretty up there, or really animal transformations but that’s for another day. What I’m kinda gonna go off is this series which is about Geralt getting cursed and when his medallion comes off he becomes a wolf, very lovely series please go check it out and hand out kudos to the writer.

Anyways, my headcanons tonight are about wolf Geralt and how hilarious it would be. I always see funny dog videos uhhh everywhere, and I love to think like “that’s him. That’s Geralt as a wolf” because it’s hilarious and only him as a brooding man would do that in a wolf form.

Here, picture Jaskier and Geralt walking, both on either side of roach when they pass a field that’s open, and Geralt stops roach and Jaskier stops a few steps ahead because uhh, why would Geralt stop? He looks back to see the Witcher staring at the field with determination before whipping around and staring him dead in the eye. Jaskier questions before being handed a medallion and soon seeing this giant white wolf zoom into the field. The field is long enough so the wolf has to hop, and Jaskier is laughing and watching as Geralt has his fun.

Or like Wolf Geralt getting the zoomies? It takes place mostly at Kaer Morhen, where Geralt can relax and his brothers actually play with him in this wolf form. Him and Lambert are playing around, rolling around on each other before Geralt hops up and shoots off. Lambert is laughing hard he’s breathless, Eskel and Jaskier just walked in and in question before they see the White Wolf barreling his way through the hallway only to snap back around and race off. Jaskier starts to laugh and Eskel totally cheers him on which only makes him last longer. (Don’t even get me started on the poop zoomies)

Now I have a dog of my own, he’s adorable but he can be sassy as hell, idk if other dogs do this, but mine will give me serious side eye action and when laying out, will kick his back legs on whoever they land on, and it’s funny to think of Geralt doing that too. Him stretching out in the giant pile they all made by a fire one night, and his back legs end up on Jaskier and while stretching out he just kicks the shit out of Jaskier who’s trying to sleep and when Jaskier tries to stop, he earns a groan from the wolf and serious side eye business. Jaskier says he totally stinks of attitude and puppy breath but gets kicked again.

One last one for the road, but the dogs (mainly huskeys) who yell and don’t really bark? Geralt. Totally. When Jaskier is trying to get onto Geralt for spilling something zooming around, Geralt starts to yell, and doesn’t stop. Everyone hates it, because he’s loud and knows it. But they totally get him back for it. See, when it first started, Eskel had enough and let out one of the fake howls you do to get a puppy to do that cute “awoooo” sound, and it gets Geralt to stop and do the head tilt before immediately joining in. Eskel, Lambert, Jaskier and Vesemir find it funny as hell, but Geralt says he hates it because he can’t really control it.

Some Canon Eskel Facts