Not A Lie

Not A Lie

Themes: Virgil and Janus actually talk for once, ship fic Warnings: Reference to lies, crying, shouting work, minor cursing. Words: 662 words

“You left us! You were the one who thought you were better than us!” Janus is screaming now. He’s screaming and he can’t find it in himself to care. “Stop acting like you’re the one who was hurt by all of this, you left us! You left me!” There’s silence but Janus is fuming. No, Virgil doesn’t get to just silently sit through this. He has to respond. He has to face Janus’ anger. “Oh really?! Nothing to say now, huh, Virgil?! No, come back?! NO-”

“You left me first.” And the room is silent again. Janus is looking at Virgil, at the silently furry that rolls off him in waves. “You left me first.” He repeats. “You stepped back. I- I kissed you and you kissed me back and then- then, you pretended it never happened! Like we never happened. And you ignored me and lied to me when I tried to ask about it, tried to figure out what was happening. So you get off your high horse, you’re not the only one that got left behind!” Janus is silent. His fuming. He’s so angry he doesn’t know what to do with himself. He wants to shout at Virgil, but he also just wants to go to his room and never leave again.

“We don’t work.”

“We don’t.”

There’s a silent understanding that they could. If they tried, they could work. They could work beautifully. But neither want to make the first move. There’s too much hurt and too much pain there. It’s a wound that neither side will ever fully heal from separately. But together is exhausting. Being together is scary. Janus is look at him, at Virgil, and he almost reaches out. He almost extends his hand and brushes the hair from his face like he’s done a million times before. But he can’t and he hates it. His fingers twitch, almost beginning but then Virgil is looking at him with tears in his eyes. Virgil is crying. He made Virgil cry. And Virgil made him cry,

“Goodbye, Janus.” ‘Beg me to stay. Ask me stay. I’ll stay if you tell me to,’ Virgil’s mind screams. ‘I would stay here and fight but I need you to give me a reason. Give me a reason, Jan, please-’

“Goodbye Virgil.”

They just couldn’t work, could they?

They were improbable.

--

It took Janus a whole twenty seconds to realise he did not fucking care. He did not give a single shit about probability (who let’s math dictate their live?).

It takes him twenty seconds to realise he was wrong. He didn’t want to repeat this cycle. He was never a fan of cycles. 

It takes him twenty seconds to realise he was wrong, and another twenty to start moving. 

He moves fast, like he’ll die if he doesn’t. To a degree, he will. Because he’s sick of being scared. He’s darting through the hallway (he’s probably almost knocking into someone but he doesn’t care.) He’s running because this is Virgil and he’s sick to death of being stubborn. He barges into Virgil’s room and his heart breaks when he sees the tear streaked face.

“What?” He says, voice heavy. “What more could you possibility want?”

“I love you.”

“Shut up.”

“I have been in love with you for years.”

“Please.”

“And I know you’re anxious-” duh “-and you have no reason to trust me.”

“You’re a liar.”

“But, liar’s honour, I love you.” He’s standing in front of first now, who hasn’t moved. Weakly, Virgil lifts his hand, hitting it softly against Janus’ chest.

“I hate you.” Lie. “I hate you so much.” Another lie. 

“You know I know when you lie, right?”

“Yes.” Not a lie. They’re silent. Janus hesitantly opens his arms and Virgil falls against his chest. “I wish I could hate you.” Lie. “But I love you too much.” Not a lie. Janus smiles, wrapping his arms against the other side.

“I love you.” Not a lie.

“I know.” Not a lie.

Here. Uhm, have this short fic because I’m not dead :)

Patton: I don't know what to say

Janus: let me

Patton: don't be mean about it though

Janus, staring directly at Patton: frantic backspacing

Teacher sander sides AU

(I’ve had this is my drafts for ages and like... here you go i guess? lmao)

So I dont really have an exact idea of the plot but this has been in my head.

before I begin;

Virgil and Deceit; half black (African American mom, white dad) Logan: mixed (half Asian and half American mom, black dad) Roman: second-generation American to a Cuban family. Patton: Spanish parents and grandparents but born in the US Remy: half english/Irish on his mom’s side Thomas: American (Thomas is as he is in the ‘real world’)

TW: Mentions of an abusive childhood (mentioned in Virgil’s 5th bullet point and Janus’ third point)

Virgil Dark

22, panromantic and demisexual, temp art teacher but becomes the permanent art teacher when the previous teacher quits a year into his temp work 

Graduate from high school early and went straight to college on a sports scholarship

TW: ABUSE; His older brother is Janus, who got him the job. Do not fuck with Janus around him. he will kill you.

Loves kids and art. He’s the cool teacher who curses and is never seen without some sort of hot drink

Grew up in an abusive household. His mom died when he was young. He was never physically abused, but his dad just usually acted like he didn’t exist.

Relies on Janus for everything, is sometimes non-verbal so Janus helps translate for his friends who don’t know sign language.

Loads of his kids learned sign language so they could communicate better with him

He cried

is very protective of his friends and his students

Looks smol but with fuk you up

“But Lo, they said they wanted to draw you!”

Janus Dark

24, polysexual and homoromantic, classics (idk if every country has this but it’s pretty much latin studies, along with ancient Greece and Rome studies) and philosophy/religion teacher

Virgil's big brother

TW: ABUSE; While his dad pretended Virgil didn’t exist, the monster of a man mostly verbally abused Janus. He gave him the burning scar when he poured hot water on his face. That what got the process of them getting out of that house started. Janus just turned eighteen and began V’s legal guardian and they ran away together

Loves teaching classics because he loves teaching about old civilisations

is constantly learning new things and always strays away from the curriculum

constantly annoys Virgil will long in-depth conversations

“I’m just saying, that, technically, if this life was a computer simulation, we can’t die. just be reset.”

“It is thREE IN THE AFTERNOON AND I AM TRYING NOT TO HAVE AN ANXIETY ATTACK HERE.”

Despite teasing the younger, he will kill you if you look at Virgil wrong or even breathe in his direction wrong.

Flirts with everyone but Remy {;)} which upsets the other but its only cause he has a massive crush that Virgil constantly teases him over he isn’t like that with him.

Loves his students but will still give quizzes. A lot of them actually. But all his students appreciate him

Goes on mad rants about how everyone was gay in Rome but how “the heteros don’t want you to know”

Thats the phrase he says the most

Patton Blue

28, gay, a home economics teacher

every year sews name tags on his students’ aprons.

gets the best results in the school for his subject

cooking puns galore

“lettuce not be too hasty with that salad!” ”good luck to you all! bake a leg!” “gotta get that bake-ini body!”

Is just a soft squish who loves all his students so much

Was the first to welcome Janus when he was new

His student will kill you if you hurt him

he’s the teacher no one can give out about

loves everyone so much. he’s just got a lotta love to give, let him give it

Is always fighting for better resources for all the teachers

union president in the school

he helps his student by coming in on his weekend to help them with questions and helps with study supervising after school

Is blind without his glasses but loses them constantly (they’re usually on top of his head)

Is very forgetful most days

volunteers in his spare time

Logan Star

28 (two weeks older than Patton), bisexual and his gender fluctuates. he can’t find a term he thinks fits him (uses he/him pronouns the most and occasionally They/them, it depends on the day. doesn’t feel comfortable with she/her)

is the smartest teacher but doesn’t like to brag (skipped three grades)

His students usually call him Mx. Star, as its genderfluid, unless he tells them he wants to be called Mr. He’ll usually write it up on the board.

They love him to bits as he never makes them feel bad if they don’t understand and doesn’t move on till he’s sure everyone is comfortable and understands

The old principal was a family friend

Is slightly colour blind as he confuses red for orange and pink for green.

Wears glasses but can see without them

Wore contacts to class once and was voted second hottest teacher (after roman)

Knows the best calming songs thanks to Virgil

“It’s pi day and Patton bullied me till I teamed up with him and, long story short, we made forty-five pies.”

Roman Glass/Burke (biological mother’s name)

23, gay (but mostly refers to himself as queer because gay doesn’t fit, but neither does bi/poly/pansexual) and demiromantic. Drama and music teacher (was enrolled in school early and skipped a grade)

Remus’ twin and Remy’s adoptive little brother

he and remus had a rocky childhood because remus found it hard to read social cues (He’s autistic) and roman thought that he was just being mean, but when they got adopted and remus was diagnosed, they're relationship improved and now they’re inseparable 

His mother died when he was ten and was adopted by Remy’s parents at fourteen. He never knew his father but when he was adopted learnt his father died the day after he was born

Remy is his hero

Only keeps Burke as a second name out of habit but he is Mr Glass to his students

despite how much they argue, Virgil is his best friend

“why are you so edgy!” “why are you so loud!”

They love each other really

As the youngest two, they are babied by Patton and Remy. Janus packs them both lunches, Remy buys them hot chocolates and Patton bakes them cupcakes

Come play season, Roman is an absolute maniac.

Puts on two plays a year (one Shakespeare in autumn and a musical in spring)

loves Shakespeare too much. so much so that even Virgil knows at least one quote from every play

Doesn’t like doing just musicals because so many people can act but not everyone can belt notes (just cause he can do both)

Is an absolute cinnamon role “but if you mess up that step one more time, Courtney, I swEAR-”

All the students excuse his rants because they love him

Rants to his students in Spanish sometimes

him and Patton rant in Spanish also

Taught Virgil all the Spanish curse words so that he could keep up when he rants about people

His mother was deaf but he only knows Spanish sign language till Virgil helps him learn ASL. (Virgil taught him the curse words first)

Remy Glass

29, fabulous gay, new vice-principal but previously, he was a history teacher, but still takes a few classes sometimes.

Got the job because he has so much shit on everyone (and because he was working there for nearly seven years)

He is always drinking Starbucks

“open door policy. except my door is close. just open it. but knock first. and don’t come in till I let you. so yeah, remember that”

has to deliver most of the speeches

does not like delivering speeches

loves history but tends to not follow the set curriculum

drive his student's crazy because “yes sir, it’s cool how food has changed but, please sir, we wanna pass-”

Still, he has a high A and B rate

goes off topic easily

is hella rich and no one knows why

Roman knows why Remy has so much money, but won't tell anyone

Is very soft for roman, Virgil and Janus because aren’t we all?

Is in charge of the music that's played over the intercom during lunch and stuff (his idea) and usually plays Panic at the Disco or musical soundtracks. plays calming music during exams

Spends his life in that school

Will probably be found dead under his desk one day

but still loves the school

Thomas Sanders

31, gay. The principal of the middle and high school for the past five years.

Loves the students so much

Used to teach english

loves poetry

He sees the teachers as his friend more than his employees

Is very good at guessing moods and responding appropriately

Is always humming some Disney song

‘Sneaks’ into Patton's classroom for snacks (patton has a drawer of snacks just for him)

Makes sure the students are happy and feel comfortable

Not so good with expenses but the accountant is very helpful

Keeps the teacher’s salaries medium to high because he knows how many students can annoy someone no matter how amazing they are

takes his staff out for dinner at least once a month and has to physically fight Remy for the check (he loses)

he just loves??? everyone??

Like Remy, is always in the school

The students don’t call him Mr Sanders, usually referring to him as Mr Sands (which he loves and openly gives them permission

Remus Glass/Burke

also 23, asexual and aromantic

He’s not a teacher, but he works in education

he’s like a superintendent but he’s only got like 3 schools in his district so he’s around a lot

he makes a lot of sexual jokes but is actually really uncomfortable in any romantic or sexual situations (romantic and sex repulsed)

but not in a way for other people, if that make sense, he openly encourages his brother to hoe it up (before he gets with pat) but is uncomfortable being sexually or romantically involved with people

kinda just loves his brother and all his friends

he’s autistic so he doesn’t really like making friends but loves everyone in the school

also adopted by Remy’s family and they were the first to get him a psychologist to diagnose him with autism

he loves animals and has keychains with pictures of his dogs

he has two pitbulls - artemis and apollo - as well as three cats he found in the dumpster behind the school - athena, chonko and zeus (one of these things is not like the others)

loves music and writes songs sometimes for his brother

fights for the schools in his district to have better opportunities and better education when its comes to mental heath, sex education and LGBTQ+ education 

Ships

Virgil x Logan

Roman x Patton

So yeah. that’s my au. If I offended anyone or used a term you feel uncomfortable with, plz lemme know and i’ll remove it or put a trigger warning up!

existing online is weird because i see people have online friends but the only online friends I've had we've either grown apart or just lost contact.

like i wanna join online spaces but the spaces I'd join are already spaces people in my life have asked me to allow them to keep private to themselves (which they are absolutely allowed to do)

so here I come, back to sander sides Tumblr to cope lmao /lh

Themes: Christmas, no expressed romantic relationships  Warnings: references to sexual things, the odd cuss word Words: 1479 words

“Can someone help me with this oven? I still amn’t used to it,” Patton said, poking his head out from the kitchen door.  

“’amn’t’ isn’t a word, Patton.” Logan said.   

“C’mon specs, don’t just give out to him.” Virgil rose from his seat. “I’ll help, Patton.”  

“Thanks Virgil, I just can't figure out the dials.” The two disappeared into the kitchen as Logan flickered over the page of his book, ignoring Roman’s sharp look.  

“Roman, stop that look with your face, if the wind changes, you’ll be stuck like that,” Janus said, glancing up from his phone. Roman rolled his eyes.  

“Yeah yeah, whatever,” he said, standing up and heading into the kitchen.  

“You should just let Roman be an idiot.”  

“It’s so much more fun to call him out though,” Janus said, smirking. Logan chuckled.  

“Sure, go for it then.”  

“Don’t tell me y’all started the festivities without me!”  

“And risk you placing some gaudy in your face decorations up? It’s a solid no from me,” Virgil said, re-entering the room. “But Pat and I could use your help in the kitchen if you want?” Remus pondered, making a show of putting his hand on his chin and putting on a ‘thinking’ face.   

“Fine,” He said, sighing. “I suppose I shall rescue Christmas with my expert cooking skills.”  

“Yeah sure, whatever shrimpy, get in the kitchen before I change my mind.”  

“Okay, daddy long legs.” Virgil rolled his eyes with a smile.  

“Shut up and help me with the gravy you nuisance to society.”   

“Coming from you, emo, that’s almost a compliment.” Roman said, walking back into the room.  

“Don’t tell Remus, we don’t need his head getting any bigger.” With that, Virgil and Remus disappeared into the kitchen, leaving, Janus, Logan and Roman in the living room.  

“Are you two seriously just going to read all day? It’s Christmas!”  

“You bought the books,” Janus said, not bothering to look up from his book.  

“But now I’m bored.”  

“Go help Patton in the kitchen.” Roman made a farting noise. Logan rolled his eyes. “Very mature,” he said.  

“Thanks, I asked for majority off Santa.”  

“You should’ve asked for a nicer face.”  

“We are literally the same person, idiot.”  

“Don’t call me an idiot, it’s Christmas.” Roman groaned, flopping down on the coach dramatically.  

“It doesn’t feel like Christmas, what with you two doing boring everyday things like reading.”  

“Well, what do you suggest we do?” Janus said, looking up. Logan groaned as a smirk split across Roman’s face.  

“Snow ball fight!”  

There are two things you need to know about the sides. 

1. Never give Roman a challenge 2. Never make Janus feel competitive. 

Once those two rules were broken, all hell broke loose.  

That is precisely how Logan got stuck outside in the cold while Roman and Janus built up defenses fortress’ in the falling snow. Logan was shaking his head at them. Since there was an uneven number, the pair had decided he would be the judge and keep time. He knew this was a very useless role, but also recognized that he could tip the balance and make it an unfair match. 

“On your marks, get set, uhm, throw snow at one another?!  

“Wait no I’m not-”! Roman was cut off by a narrowly missed snowball to the face. He quickly ducked back down.  

“Ha ha, Roman, concede or prepared to be beaten!” Janus said. Roman gave him the fingers before launching a snow ball at the other side. Janus hissed at him before readying his own snow balls.  

-x- 

“Hey, does anyone else think it's too quiet?” Patton asked. Virgil, who was covered in flour and mashed potatoes sent Patton as murderous look.  

“How is this quiet?” Remus, who was holding the back of flour, was smirking.  

“Ah, he is right. There is not sound coming from the other rooms.”  

“That would be because we left Logan and Janus alone, who were both reading.”  

“Yes, be we also left Roman alone with those two and he always brings out the worst in them.”  

“Dear old baby brother, causing mayhem, I’m so proud!” Remus said, dramatically wiping a tear.  

“You can’t call Roman an ‘old baby’. They cancel each other out.”  

“Get out of here with your facts, slender man.” Patton giggled at that.  

“C’mon, let's go check everything out. We’re just waiting on the turkey to cook, but we have time.” Virgil sighed, wiping down his jacket.   

“I’m going to change, since someone-” he shot a sharp look at the smug Remus “-ruined my jacket.”  

“You should wear your Christmas jumper!” Patton called after him. He and Remus headed to the now empty living room. “Well, that's strange.” 

“Well Christ in orgy, where is everybody.” Before Patton could answer, there was shouting from outside. The two sides looked at one another before heading to the source. They followed the noise out to battle. At this stage, much of each fortress has been destroyed by snowballs and both Janus and Roman were trying to alternate between rebuilding their forts but also attacking their competitor. Logan was watching with bewildered amusement, unable to feel most of the chill anymore. He was the first to notice to new arrivals. 

“Roman wanted to be entertained, so he challenged Janus to a snowball fight,” He explained, gesturing to the current situation.  

“Oooh, that sounds like fun!!”  

“Yeah, we should join in.”  

“Dibs on Remus!” Roman shouted, temporarily cease firing. Janus shot him a sharp look.  

“Don’t worry, Jan, I can build your snowballs and work on keep the fort standing!” Janus softened his glare slightly (though he’d never admit that later)  

“Sure Patton, let’s beat the them!” Remus happily jumped over to his brother’s side.   

“Right Remus, the fort’s falling apart, but I’ve got a reserve of snowballs so I say we just attack all at once and claim a sudden victory.”  

“Sounds good, sugar, spice and everything boring.”  

“That’s not the saying.”  

“I don’t care.”  

“Cease fire ending in 3,” Logan said, cutting off the two groups discussions. “2, 1!” The fighting resumed as the front door opened and Virgil stepped outside, holding two mugs.  

“Hey specs, I got a mocha for you,” he said. “I would’ve brought some for the others but they’re technically exercising which’ll keep them warm.” Logan nodded in agreement, taking the cup into his freezing hands.  

“Thank you, Virgil.”  

“No bother, Lolo,” Virgil said, taking a sip of his own warm drink. “So, who’s winning?”  

“In terms of strategy, technically the twins but only because their plan is more thought out, in comparison to Janus and Patton’s ‘we-figure-it-out-as-we-go-along’ approach,” Roman hollered from behind his fortress at Logan’s words. “That being said, the latter team’s fortress is only partially destroyed, whereas the twins one is almost eradicated, so that would hinder their performance enough for Janus and Patton to win.”  

“It’s not over yet, Roman, so pipe down over there!” Janus called out, launching a snowball at Roman’s crumbling base. Virgil laughed at this.  

“Good to know that even at Christmas, some things never change,” He said.  

“In what way?” Logan asked.  

“Just... well this. The fact that Janus and Roman will always butt heads and drag the rest of us into it,” Virgil said.  

“Yes, but that can be very annoying,” Logan said.  

“Still, I wouldn’t change it for the world.” As Virgil was finishing his sentence Roman and Janus both delivered a strong blow to the opposition. Roman’s tower had crumpled, leaving him exposed, whereas Janus had gotten hit in the face.  

“I win!” They both announced at once. There was a silence before everyone turned to Logan and Virgil.  

“Oh no...” Virgil said.  

“Well Logan?” Janus asked,  

“Who won?” Roman finished.  

“Since you never actually expressed what would count as a victory, whether it be knocking your opponent out or crumbling their fort, technically both of you and neither of you win.”  

“Huh?” the two said at once.  

“You never told him what qualifies as victory so you both lose,” Virgil said, downing the rest of his drink. “So congrats, you wasted your own time and now you’re cold.” Janus and Roman exchanged a look before firing a snowball at the two judges. “Oi! Fuck-!” Another snowball landed with a thud on Virgil’s face. “Right then, Logan, let’s get these assholes.”  

“Indeed.”  

Soon, all six were hurling handfuls of snow at one another. Patton would hardly call them balls, more like clumps. The competitive air that had hung around before was gone now, leaving the six sides cackling and laughing at their own antics. Patton stopped for a moment, taking in the scene before him. He let a grin spread across his face as laughter filled up the mind palace.   

His moment was quickly cut short by a snow ball to the head, but we can’t have everything. 

All is well. 

Well, hello. I’m still alive (somewhat). Lost all motivation and creativity but I’m back now! I am in a very stressful school year so I will update when I can. Thank you to everyone who stayed and welcome to everyone who followed.

And happy holidays to everyone who celebrates and happy ‘thank-fuck-2020-is-nearly-over’ to everyone who doesn’t!

Grief

Themes: death, grief, hopeful ending Warnings: Death, grief, anger, pain, loss, car accidents, crying. Words: A fair amount (1245 words)

i. I am coping. I'll post something happier soon. Take care of yourselves and each other

Virgil realises that his thoughts tend to think in Before and After on a slightly damp day.

Before the event and After.

It's a steeling sort of realisation, like a dunk of cold water as he remembers there once was Before—a before the chest pain and the tears. There was a time when it was just a worst-case scenario and not his reality.

There was a time before Janus was dead.

And now he was in the after.

He still thinks about that before, more than any good grief counsellor would let him get away with. He still thinks about the night he went to bed, Virgil Storm, a 30-year-old with a husband who works night shifts. Not Virgil Storm, a widow. Not Virgil Storm, whose friends have to visit every day because they know there's no food in the house, and they don't want to plan another funeral.

It's an awful feeling, too, because no matter how much he closes his eyes and squeezes them shut to the point of pain, there's no going back to the before. There's no prayer, wish, spell, or nothing that will bring him back to the before. Or that will bring Janus to the after. There's no backwards, and the forwards seem unbearable to him, sitting here on a damp day, with the heating off but a blanket around him. Janus' cup from that morning Is still on the end table because Virgil hasn't been able to cope with the thought of there never being another cup there.

He cries a lot and is tired a lot. Patton tries his best to get him to sleep but doesn't understand why Virgil can't seem to. He thinks it would be an escape, but Virgil just can't do it. He can't bring himself to sleep when he knows he will only have to wake up again. And for a few minutes, Virgil knows he won't remember. He'll reach for that long-cold side of the bed because he won't remember, and he thinks that might be the cruellest thing he could ever do. A selfish part of him wants to forget, wants to forget this sadness and pain, but he can't, so he won't. Janus doesn't deserve that; Janus deserves more than to be t-boned on the interstate when coming home after making a pitstop because Virgil wanted doughnuts.

But Virgil can't think about that right now, so he doesn't. He just cries and huddles closer to the blanket.

Remus supposes they think he's heartless. Or if not heartless, then repressed. If he's frank, he's probably a little bit of both. And stupid, added in. Though he'd have to give a massive fuck you to the people who seem to think they get to decide how he copes.

It wasn't their best friend who was killed by a fucking idiot drunk driver at 4 am. No, it was his. His oldest friend was killed just like that, and Remus thinks he's allowed to cope however the fuck he sees fit. Whether it be drinking himself, angry and getting into a fight, or screaming so hard the cops are called at 2 am while at home, then he's coping, sue him.

It hits him in waves, the grief. In the mornings, he'll wake up and be sad, but he'll be able to breathe. And then he'll be at the store, and he'll see Janus' favourite chocolates on sale or smell his cologne or hear something, and it's like his finding out all over again, and he can't breathe again, and his eyes will water, and he'll have to go home and cry like a baby.

He knows one person in the world will understand his feelings, but how does he do that? Reach out to Virgil, Janus' widow, and say he's struggling? As if the man didn't lose his husband, his partner, the person he wanted and was willing to spend the rest of his life with. The person he wanted to travel with and host Christmas with. How does Remus go up to the man who lost his soulmate and look for comfort in him?

So he doesn't.

He didn't think Virgil would either until he did.

Remus finds himself at the front door of Virgil's house (it's a punch in his gut to no longer call it Virgil and Janus' house), and he's stalling on ringing the doorbell because then he'll come face to face with the widow of his best friend.

Once again, Virgil makes the first move. He opens the door, and red eyes meet watery ones.

"Come in," he says. And Remus does. He steps inside, and he stands in the hallway.

"how-"

"don't," Virgil says. "You know, so don't ask." And Remus nods because he does know. Of course, he does. If anyone would, it's him. "I didn't ask you here to help me through my grief; let's face it, neither of us is doing well. I asked you here because there's no point in both of us going through it alone." He takes a deep breath. "He wouldn't want us to, and since he isn't here to force us to talk to each other, I'm doing it." Remus has nothing to say in response, so he only nods. Virgil's right. Janus would hit them both on the head for isolating themselves. "So we're going to clean in silence. We're going to clean-" Virgil breaks off, a sob escaping before he takes a deep breath and continues, voice thick, "we're going to clean his cups and plates, and I've been too scared to. And his shirts." And Remus nods again, shoulders shaking.

"We will." And it's all he can manage to say, he realises. Because he has no other words to share, he realises that's okay.

So they clean. And when Virgil's sobs get too loud, or Remus' hands shake too much, they stop and drink a glass of water or watch some dumb sitcom episode. And when the sobs and shakes subside, they help each other and continue.

It takes three days and millions of breaks, but the next time Patton visits to restock the fridge, the plates and bowls are gone, and the sheets are clean. There are still shirts that need to be washed, but Remus puts them back on Janus' side of the bed, reminding Virgil this is a marathon, not a sprint. And there are still albums that need to be sorted, but Virgil took them from Remus' shaking hands and put them in a bag for Remus to take home to keep when he has the strength to return to his apartment.

The others come over for dinner - Logon and Roman coming in after work, Roman pulling his brother close the second he's in arms reach. Patton makes pasta, and the three of them - Logon, Roman and Patton - share stories and jokes about Janus. Virgil and Remus are quiet, but it's not a lousy quiet. They're just exhausting because grief is crippling, and this is the first time they've genuinely stopped in what feels like weeks, so they relish in it.

And in the morning, they both wake up on the couch, turn on the TV, and comfort each other when Janus' favourite documentary or an ad for his favourite movie comes on.

They'll live, they decide. They'll suffer, choke, cry, and get angry, but they'll live.

If for no reason other than Janus' wasn't able to, they'll live.