Im Such A Hater (it Makes Me Physically Unwell To Actively Hate Someone) (everything Ive Ever Loved Has

i’m such a hater (it makes me physically unwell to actively hate someone) (everything i’ve ever loved has claw marks in it)

“A toast!” Everyone in the room looks up as Janus stands up, his chair screetching behind him. He’s sat at the top of the table. They’re all here, sitting at the long dining table. Everyone, including Thomas, who sits at the other end, looks up to the deceitful side but he’s only loooking at Virgil. “A toast,” Janus repeats. “To Virgil.” The room is quiet and Virgil feels everyone’s silent gazes swing to him. “To Virgil.” He razes his glass, the red liquid slopshing slightly. Virgil feels his dread building but he can’t look away. He’s gaze is frozen on the other side. “Always the protector,” he begins, his eyes shifting form brown to yellow. “never the protected.”

Virgil’s world comes crashing down around him. His vision begins to blur as he sees them all raise their glasses. They’re look at him. They’re all looking at him. He sees their lips moving but he can’t hear them over his own heartbeat in his ear. He wants to speak, but his vocal cords are gone. His throat is throbbing and he thinks someone might ripped them out of his throat. He wants to say something, anything, but he can’t. He’s helpless.

He’s alone.

Shocker! I didn't die, I simply moved to ao3 and got into mcyt lmao, sorry gang

I personally chose to believe Janus is a lot like the norse God Loki. Sassy, smart, sneaky

it also ferments my idea that Janus could be genderfluid and/or a shape shifter

Not A Lie

Themes: Virgil and Janus actually talk for once, ship fic Warnings: Reference to lies, crying, shouting work, minor cursing. Words: 662 words

“You left us! You were the one who thought you were better than us!” Janus is screaming now. He’s screaming and he can’t find it in himself to care. “Stop acting like you’re the one who was hurt by all of this, you left us! You left me!” There’s silence but Janus is fuming. No, Virgil doesn’t get to just silently sit through this. He has to respond. He has to face Janus’ anger. “Oh really?! Nothing to say now, huh, Virgil?! No, come back?! NO-”

“You left me first.” And the room is silent again. Janus is looking at Virgil, at the silently furry that rolls off him in waves. “You left me first.” He repeats. “You stepped back. I- I kissed you and you kissed me back and then- then, you pretended it never happened! Like we never happened. And you ignored me and lied to me when I tried to ask about it, tried to figure out what was happening. So you get off your high horse, you’re not the only one that got left behind!” Janus is silent. His fuming. He’s so angry he doesn’t know what to do with himself. He wants to shout at Virgil, but he also just wants to go to his room and never leave again.

“We don’t work.”

“We don’t.”

There’s a silent understanding that they could. If they tried, they could work. They could work beautifully. But neither want to make the first move. There’s too much hurt and too much pain there. It’s a wound that neither side will ever fully heal from separately. But together is exhausting. Being together is scary. Janus is look at him, at Virgil, and he almost reaches out. He almost extends his hand and brushes the hair from his face like he’s done a million times before. But he can’t and he hates it. His fingers twitch, almost beginning but then Virgil is looking at him with tears in his eyes. Virgil is crying. He made Virgil cry. And Virgil made him cry,

“Goodbye, Janus.” ‘Beg me to stay. Ask me stay. I’ll stay if you tell me to,’ Virgil’s mind screams. ‘I would stay here and fight but I need you to give me a reason. Give me a reason, Jan, please-’

“Goodbye Virgil.”

They just couldn’t work, could they?

They were improbable.

--

It took Janus a whole twenty seconds to realise he did not fucking care. He did not give a single shit about probability (who let’s math dictate their live?).

It takes him twenty seconds to realise he was wrong. He didn’t want to repeat this cycle. He was never a fan of cycles. 

It takes him twenty seconds to realise he was wrong, and another twenty to start moving. 

He moves fast, like he’ll die if he doesn’t. To a degree, he will. Because he’s sick of being scared. He’s darting through the hallway (he’s probably almost knocking into someone but he doesn’t care.) He’s running because this is Virgil and he’s sick to death of being stubborn. He barges into Virgil’s room and his heart breaks when he sees the tear streaked face.

“What?” He says, voice heavy. “What more could you possibility want?”

“I love you.”

“Shut up.”

“I have been in love with you for years.”

“Please.”

“And I know you’re anxious-” duh “-and you have no reason to trust me.”

“You’re a liar.”

“But, liar’s honour, I love you.” He’s standing in front of first now, who hasn’t moved. Weakly, Virgil lifts his hand, hitting it softly against Janus’ chest.

“I hate you.” Lie. “I hate you so much.” Another lie. 

“You know I know when you lie, right?”

“Yes.” Not a lie. They’re silent. Janus hesitantly opens his arms and Virgil falls against his chest. “I wish I could hate you.” Lie. “But I love you too much.” Not a lie. Janus smiles, wrapping his arms against the other side.

“I love you.” Not a lie.

“I know.” Not a lie.

Here. Uhm, have this short fic because I’m not dead :)

Remus: Hey Janus?

Janus: what?

Remus: are you awake?

Janus: who the fuck do you think said what?!?