I Wanna Talk About Friends With Benefits And Then Of That Turning Into Like An Actual Relationship(ive

i wanna talk about friends with benefits and then of that turning into like an actual relationship (ive been reading a story with it so i wanna talk about this. not gonna mention the story because im kind of worried there's gonna be something dubious idk i havent finished it yet but theres a person working on it whose done a different work with some very .. um . worse than dubious things SO)

like. i dont really know what ppls general thoughts on it are but i feel like i potentially might be understanding of the side that doesnt get as much attention?

like. okay. so. like friends with benefits, and then one person pops the question of dating and the other.. has some sort of negative reaction. or like, didnt even expect it

and like. i understand it being like bUT sO and SO because its the main pairing and obviously they're gonna get together, right?

but so. i as a person can empathize with the one who gets asked the question

because its like. like i can understand their shock? with the question coming out of nowhere, right? cause its like, even if there are all these hints or anything that could be signaling 'hey, this person probably likes you', why would they think about it when its emphasized over and over again that they're 'just friends'. friends. friends. friends. and like if they start to develop feelings then its like, either not realizing, denial, or circling back to them just being 'friends'

so then insert any manner of negative reaction here

and i feel like they're valid because it just comes out outta nowhere. i mean dont get me wrong the person being possibly rejected's hurt is valid too cause it takes a lot to pop the question and take that next step

but its also like.

so story time

theres this person whose pronouns i dont know (i know they changed to opposite pronouns at one point but i have no idea if they stuck to it or if its changed again so they/them to be safe)

but so like. me and them were like really close friends, right? like we talked to each other everyday and it was like we were siblings, and we treated each other like siblings (it sounds weird in text. but its like. yknow how you call people like sis or bro to someone you're close to but not necessarily related? or like. like yknow how theres hyung and oppa and noona in korean which can be used to refer to a sibling but it can also be used to refer to people not related to you but are probably close to???)

then out of the blue they confessed to me and im just like. what??? and i rejected them but so i was caught completely off guard. if there were any signs beforehand i was completely blind to them

but its like. i never saw them that way, but then it was like i realized that there could be something?? like i started thinking about it in our interactions later and could probably see us getting together. its just that before it hadnt occurred to me so it felt like i didnt feel anything of that nature for them

but that once i realized that it could and had time to think over it, that i couldve felt something. like idk maybe i was speedrunning getting a crush or maybe its just this thing that was growing in the background that i didnt notice until then

anyway me and them didnt get together but so thats why i kinda feel more for the person being asked it out of nowhere (for them i mean) in stories

(yknow what? this might be why when watching like the full moon episode on helluva boss i defended blitzo first instead of the general reaction of defend stolas, defend blitzo later on rewatch/reflection)

like i mean if the reaction is really bad then oof i feel bad for the person asking it

but im more understanding of the other needing time to think it over, to rethink interactions with that person in that kind of 'could i love them' light

like cause idk at the time it could feel like they dont feel anything. but then they think of it with, i guess those kind of rose-colored glasses, interacting with them with it and thinking that maybe they could like that person like that, right?

i hope im making sense. i cant be sure.

cause like. i understand that it can be a little hard to handle because its like. doing the deed is usually seen as like something between lovers, right? you're being really intimate and kinda vulnerable with someone and so thats what its usually associated with. so it kinda feels like how can they not be in love, right?

so i just kinda hope that my explanation made even a little bit of sense

anyway im gonna get back to reading (im only 1/3 of the way through fshuifs)

Treasure of the (Vampire) Duke's Family?! / TCF/LCF Fic (Fic Rec)

When Kim Rok Soo fell asleep while reading, he did not wake up in Cale Henituse's body. In some ways, this changed nothing. In other ways, it changed everything.

basically krs becomes naru lol. ive recently been getting super fixated on tcf and naru and white star and just interactions. and its both so fucking stressful and also 'aHAHAH nothing to be suspicious of here uncle hAHAHAH'

and its. so fucking cool. and id say its pretty canon divergent. stuff changes, some stuff stays the same, but so on and so on

and i think theres some stuff thats not actually canon that also changes it while making sense as we're well from dark creature pov and why so and so and i dont wanna spoil it because its really cool

it hasnt been updated in like a year i dont think (at 50 chapters with 480k words holy moly) but its. so fucking cool.

and i like it very very much.

id rlly recommend giving it a read

"Ah, is that a fact?"

twst book 3 spoilers

something i just noticed

and then

idk if its like a line he repeats often? cause i know leona often says something like 'be prepared' in jp but the localization team changes it to different things minus that one time during book 6 iirc

[Attachment Investigation on the Lifecycle of Cosmic Intelligent Life Forms - AE 2157 has been sent] Trailblazer: On it. I love learning By the way, how long would it take to finish reading the document? Dr. Ratio: Conservatively? Just 1 Amber Era.

what? sorry? thats like a year right? also i jumpscared myself because i forgot i put the march event text thingy on and for a second i was like huh?

i feel like every time i talk to this man i continue to lose brain cells trying to decipher wtf hes talking about

except. its. kind of weird. i kind of think i get what hes talking about. (IM GETTING SMARTER?? GASP) not gonna share more screenshots cause i dont feel like typing it all out because im starting to actually get a headache 💀 and i kind of need to use my brain later

also new update out. if i get to playing it today itll be pretty late, but goodluck (no spoilers pls), and goodluck on your pulls yall

hhhi guys wanna see me talk about what anime/manga i like

ok

so

my mal page looked kind of boring so i decided 'why not talk about what im fixating on'

and then it. expanded from there... (to be honest i think i just like yapping about anything and everything to people)

so im.

if i ever say a word that doesnt make sense. or well is typed then just know. that probably isnt meant to be there but i wasnt paying attention

also if i drop a line of thought suddenly. know that it is because i started typing on a different part because i kept hopping onto different areas and adding things that i mightve forgotten to go back to because i kept getting hit with thoughts on what to add

----

Current Fixations: Twisted Wonderland, Lout of Count's Family, Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint??? (i wanna get into it), Honkai: Star Rail uhh i cant remember anything else (i am slowly crumbling into a mess of sobbing noises as i delve deeper into the stories)

Potential: Debut or Die???? It seems interesting so far but I'm worried about how wacky idol drama might be. (..I remember googling something about it and there's just something about Park Moondae and.. pADS? or like tampons idk? And I'm pretty sure it's made up for drama (in story) but ??????) I really really like Dungeon Meshi. It's not something that's consumed my life that it makes up a lot of what I think of so uh not what I consider a fixation, but I like it and am excited to see it continued. (Yes I know there's a finished manga but I don't wanna get spoiled! This is genuinely a show I got into WITHOUT SPOILERS?? Which is insane because I usually get hit with MAJOR spoilers (end game type lol) that then make me think 'oh cool, that happens?' and makes me watch. But Dungeon Meshi had NONE OF THAT! I like cooking animes A LOT and just found it so I decided to get into it. It was great and I was not expecting there to suddenly be plot in my cooking anime but I don't hate it, it's really cool. I'm hyped.) Also Apothecary Diaries is great. I didn't get spoiled on that one either, I just got into it thinking it'd be something I could just put in the background (I did have it open though in dub so trying to pay attention while doing other stuff) and then it turned out to be actually really good. So, wow. The Promised Neverland season one was PEAK, best thing ever. Season two, uhh... (I did read the manga for that one though!) It also made me understand why MAL separates seasons, which made me very annoyed when I first made an account trying to add everything I watched and trying to add all the MHA seasons barely remembering which one had which. All Saints Street is cozy to watch. I have like the 3rd favorited because of that one episode where they're at like a play or something and Neil (with the help of like the Demon King I think??) suddenly busts out this really cool move. I want to read it's manga (listen I'm going to refer to it as manga because that's the term I'm used to otherwise I will be so confused) but MAL doesn't have that entry..?? It was in whatever state it's called when they're added but you can't interact with it because it's not added added. And now I can't find it so unfortunate. Apparently it has more gayness??

My thing is that I get fixated on something and devour so much content regarding it, and then drop it like a month later with little to no interest. Sometimes I come back to it but not as into it. (Sometimes I stay with it longer then that but I have my finger in a LOT of different fandom pies.)

Things I wanna get into: Black Butler, One Piece, Heaven's Official Blessing, Scum Villain's Self-Saving System (something like that i forgot the name), Bleach, Katekyou Hitman Reborn!, I'm Not That Kind of Talent, Naruto, Honkai Impact 3rd I went through Persona 3 Reload but I haven't seen the anime-related stuff to it yet. Have no idea what happens in The Answer. Vanitas no Carte. I watched one season and then stopped because I wanted to watch it while super focusing because I wanted to really pay attention. ..And then I never started. I wanna see what the hype about Nier:Automata is about but for the life of me I just can't get into it. Kind of want to get into Pokemon but I think I'm way too many years late on that train. Also I've started blanking out on what's going on with the.. Horizons?? Anime?? The new Pokemon anime.

Was fixated on but kinda not so much now? (Still keeping up with it): Oshi no Ko, My Hero Academia, Jujtusu Kaisen, Bungo Stray Dogs

Manga I want to read: Toilet-Bound Hanako Kun?? I saw the anime but that apparently skipped some arcs and then I never got into reading it. I finished Hunter x Hunter's anime and wanted to get into the manga to continue from it but then I never did it so oops but I don't remember what happened. Haha did I mention I forget things easy? ..Maybe Solo Leveling? I watched the anime but I honestly don't like the appearance change. It's probably just because of preference since it's not bad it's just not a thing I like. But I feel like I should because it is probably interesting maybe???? S-Classes That I Raised. I think the being looked down upon because 'so and so' would break me but TIME TRAVEL? Also story because goddamn like the beginning part?

Old fixations but will still like: Assassination Classroom was great to me. Ending always got me crying, and I like interacting with stuff related to it. Violet Evergarden is 10/10 always makes me cry even on rewatch, what a masterpiece. There's also Demon Slayer which I know the ending of but I really like seeing it brought to life in the anime. Hyped for the movies but also hell because movies take so long to appear in a streaming platform and already spoilers. Movie quality is crazy though so excited. Anyone remember that one fan animation of Zenitsu AND* (i said x but not in a shippy way but an 'and' way and i realize it could be taken the wrong way SO) Kaigaku or something that looked genuinely like an actual thing?? There's Spy x Family's movie which I haven't been spoiled yet but AHHHH. Danganronpa was a big fixation I had for awhile to be honest. Yuri on Ice was SO GOOD??? I do this thing where something gets popular and so I avoid it as much as I can. And then I turn around late to the party and get into it. I shouldn't but I do. I can't believe I didn't get into it when it got super big but I also probably wouldn't really remember what happened by then. Genshin Impact consumed my life until I ran out of storage so I got into Honkai: Star Rail. I'm not too too into Genshin anymore but trying to keep up with it? Kind of?

Dead fixation??: Fairy Tail I think was one of the first few anime I ever watched and I loved it so much. And also I don't remember anything that happened so... I kind of got into EDENS ZERO but I'm not that fixated and I'm not the biggest fan of fanservice. That one episode where, well, spoilers, but y'know the one where suddenly everything is going wrong and people are dying and then it turns out it's like a weird sort of power the protagonist who I cannot remember the name of for the life of me but is like Lucy but other character?? Her?? has??? It got dark QUICK and that was cool to see. There was also Sword Art Online? I really liked it but I have no idea what's going on now. One of my favorites was like Gun Gale Online to be honest though.

it. was originally meant to be just current fixations. but then i thought isnt that too little??? so then i started talking about things i kinda liked but wasnt sure on and then it spiraled from there

the dawn knight in place of yuu

MAJOR JP BOOK 7 SPOILERS

(anyway i like calling him the knight of dawn but also thats too many words for a name im going to be repeating a lot throughout this post so dawn knight)

okay so. i was thinking about a fic to write where a character had a part of themselves appear somewhere else? like ive been getting into omniscient reader but i have a diff story im trying to commit to rn so i cant really write something with it when i dont really know shit that happens besides like end game spoilers lOl

but i find the idea of like the 49/51 (?) interesting? i think thats the right numbers. no context to people who dont know what that means but that part broke me even though all i know about omniscient reader is by reading a shit ton of orv fanfiction. my heart man... sob.

but so anyways my mind wandered to the dawn knight

kudos to that like one fic where the dawn knight's soul appeared and attached itself to yuu except i read it when i didnt even know who he was but i thought maybe he was a buddy of lilia so im just reading and getting confused on like no why you no like lilia what (also he doesnt remember iirc and i think that was just like a instinctual feeling cause yknow humans vs fae??) but uh i know context now lMFAO

but like

just imagine this person who looks like silver but blonde. who doesnt remember who he is (as hes kind of more of just a fragment of his soul? but like he appears in NRC and not RSA because he still has a lingering attachment towards silver. wanting to see him grow because he never got the chance to)

who worries over silver

is a little nervous around fae, but maybe this is ooc but like without all the pressure from what the fuck was his name henrik(??) and like the people around him who are all anti-fae, cause he wouldve liked it if they couldve been in peace and stuff yknow? and also without those memories so its not too difficult for him to get past that and see them as people who will probably not harm others (LOOK i just want twst characters to be happy man cause everything is so sad :((( )

anyway lilia has grown since then and doesnt hate humans. maybe he doesnt exactly know how to feel about the dawn knight (UM like cause meleanor. or is it maleanor? i think thats EN spelling but tbh if not for en i wouldnt know how tf to spell it. but uh ykNOW.. he kinda. uh. still killed.)

but then maybe it becomes clear that this dawn knight (who needs an actual name. dawn sounds too on the nose and i dont think lilia associates dawn with positive feelings considering when maleanor died didnt it turn dawn or something. and then they broke down because shes DEAD.???)

is not the same dawn knight he met so long ago.

like

idk

think about it in like a. okay im pulling out honkai star rail examples now. but think of it maybe like dan feng and dan heng where they're like reincarnations of each other? but not the same person? (some people think of them as still the same considering i think(? its been a hot minute since i went through story) those memories of those reincarnations are then shared to other incarnations to help them in high elder duty thingy whatever its called but i think of them as entirely different people who happen to look similar)

i guess you could view it as a 'i once was [this], but now im this and im not the same person who did all those things'

EDIT: I AM WRONG. 2.5 spoilers but its mentioned that someone made dan heng remember his past life so its NOT canon that they remember their past life. "...led her to perform certain healing arts on Dan Heng, who had just finished his hatching rebirth, so that he would regain the memories of his past life?" but anyway thats how it turned out so uh just pretend that i mean reincarnating/past life type deal but stlil having some of those memories of the former life

idk maybe theres some lilia treating him as another son since like. all three of them are orphans who were taken in???? like its implied parallel of lilia being taken in by the mal... dRACONIA family sorry i forgot the last name om. and the dawn knight being taken in by the whoever is in charge. like the dad of henrik(?) and that person whose name i cant remember i think it was leah who the dawn knight liked and married? but so anyway they both got taken in by a family and owe them a debt and fight for them (and care for them. although idk about henrik ew, but he was also like. wanting princess glow(???) which could supposedly grant wishes i think to like cure their ill father, and saying that the dawn knight should do it for leah or something? i cant remember but he convinced him with something something leah)

i dont know where im going with this thought but like. i remember the dawn knight said something like. if things could be different? but like it cant be because they've gone too far now to forgive each other? but like he wanted there to be peace.

i remember thinking about lilia's wish in the wish upon a star event, maybe it was similar i cant recall exactly

Lilia: My wish is... ...for humans, fae, and all other species to live in harmony. [Img of the wishing star] Trey: Haha, wow. That's a pretty ambitious wish. Lilia: To join joyous hands with one another is no simple feat, even for those among the same species... To say nothing of the difficulties across species divides. You've learned about our history, have you not? All the countless tales of our failure to compromise, and the resulting conflicts? I have no desire to see such history repeated. So I make the same wish every Starsending.

like the dawn knight expressed regret that it had to be this way and wanted things to change but it was far too late. but like. he never did that stuff now (well lilia will remember so poor grandpa but. he's also been really forgiving towards humans when doing it for someone? like he endures it? like when he was searching for a way to hatch malleus and these people were really against lilia for being fae when he just existed, and he didnt fight back because it would paint a bad picture for the draconias? there was another example related to silevr but i cant remember it im. not what i was thinking about but theres also when he contemplated killing baby silver but changed his mind because he'd been trying to teach malleus to like. 'walk in time with his neighbor' and so and so and i forgot what he said but that how could he do that when he should be like setting an example for malleus or something right?)

also silver learning who his parents are in a maybe less traumatic way (like NOT running away knowing malleus' mom might die and then oh shit the ceiling collapsed and IS THAT THE ENEMY oh god please dont let malleus' egg be hurt and then he shares the same face as me? and that ring-- cue silver hating himself and being dragged in by darkness and i am just sobbing my eyes out like no silver he loved you so much :((( )

and even if lilia still holds anything against the dawn knight. still has lingering feelings even towards this not-dawn knight. that he wouldnt want to condemn the dawn knight, and then have silver condemn himself for being of that blood even though he didnt even do anything yknow?

and then when lilia dies he can meet up with the ghosts of maleanor and raverne (is that spelled right? i genuinely cant remember the EN spelling but it was something like that. uhh.??) and i know thats sad but i want lilia to be able to spend more time with maleanor and raverne too yknow? but im not sure how to do that

maybe. like the. the the . council? i cant remember its name fshuidfh but those assholes who appeared when we made it to. blackscale(?) castle... ? i. forgor. maleficia(THATS GRANDMA RIGHT?? i get so confused by who is who in draconia) castle??

but like when we get there with malleus' egg and then maleanor dies

and theres just these voices of long dead old geezers who are bitches to lilia and i hate them and i dont know how they're still there and can talk but i dont want maleanor there because they're horrible. also they literally said her sacrifice was like noble or some shit like that and im just like BITCH- (also lilia is banned from the capital or something isnt he?? like i mean he can still visit the castle. but secretly. but still :( )

so i just think.

fully getting over stuff. heart demons. talking things out. lilia gets to talk about stuff for the first time in awhile (remember when like literally no one talked about the circumstances regarding malleus' birth or something so silver and sebek just had no idea what they were getting into??? and like i guess he could talk to baul? baur? idk which one is the one on EN i forgor. but idk man.)

not-dawn knight being a really good listener. being understanding, sharing his input where appropriate. and like he also gets some of his memories which put a lot of things into proper context. and so sharing thoughts of so and so. and just. basically this talk that spirals into moving on.

sharing frustrations, sharing things that never really got to be known.? like regrets, etc etc

since i think the last time they met was when silver father reveal, and time passed and he died so its just all these lingering things that never got to be said out loud for various reasons. like maybe because company is against so and so so to say something would be like idk maybe traitorous? i dont think thats the right word but words are hard and i keep forgetting words the moment i need them

its like. the unique point of view of talking about things between former enemies. like how they viewed things, etc etc

and then when lilias lived a full life, no regrets, he meets maleanor and raverne in the afterlife.

oh yeah also about his dorm i have no fucking idea. i honestly mostly forgot what each dorm represents but either ramshackle or diasomnia, which i know is like nobility or something? but anyway dawn knight married a princess, also i associate diasomnia with fae / briar valley which is related considering hes book 7 stuff so im pushing him there anyway

or maybe the mirror cant read him because his soul is fragmented. or maybe retcon and his soul isnt like that? idk but i like to think the other part of his soul is in the afterlife with his wife yknow? and eventually silver will be there and able to meet his mom and huggies, and acknowledging that these are who his parents are, but also that lilia is also his parent and the one who raised him yknow? there can be more than two parents in my eyes.

its just that his soul is like in half because of the part of him that wants to have seen silver grown. i think i said this earlier in the post but that since the last time he saw silver was as an infant (also he had blonde hair so-)

also wasnt infant silver asleep for like hundreds of years until it was either because someone who loved him came by (lilia) or because the spell finally wore off (which is what lilia thinks. i dont know where to put my two cents at tbh of which i think is right)

so dawn knight just sitting there in the afterlife like. ..man. my childs still not here. i mean. thats a good thing that they're not dead but like. i kinda wanna see them.

or well silvers the only one so i should be saying he but gidfhuj

also it was either leah or leia i am a dumbass? maybe leah was the EN one. idk i forgot.

anyway thats enough yapping for me