22.09.21

22.09.21

I’m My place is still a mess, so meet my houseplants. At the top we have Ivy and Pearl, my two old girls. Next up is Peter Planter, my spider plant. Phil—short not for Philodendron, but Philoctetes. Lastly, my snake plant Loki. Practical as Loki was a shapeshifter in mythology, hilarious because “mbleurgh it’s me!” Also, Loki currently has four children on the way: Jörmungandr, Fenrir, Sleipnir, and Hel.

“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” —Annie Dillard

Another productive day, but not so much as it could have been. I’ve been thinking about things.

“You will always struggle with not feeling productive until you accept that your own joy can be something you produce.” —Hank Green

I have a lot to do, but not so much so that I feel I couldn’t do more. I want to study for my French quiz and write my essay outline. I want to make flashcards for Spanish and French and rewrite all my notes then type them too. I want to do all my readings twice over and take detailed notes and stay up late and wake up early. I want to be the best I could be, given infinite time and space to learn and grow because I feel the weight of human imperfection and mortality. I want too much. And I know this. And it doesn’t make me want any less.

“So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.” —Stephen Chbosky

28.09.21

“An honest man has nothing to fear, so I’m trying my best not to be afraid.”

I’ve got a lot to do, but I’m working hard. I finished the two assignments I had due today. More are on the horizon and when they get here I’ll finish them too. Then I’ll finish the next ones. I can do this all day. Did you understand that reference? For now, I’ll rest. I can’t save the world if I don’t save myself first.

Listening to Let It Be—The Beatles

“I can see it. This one moment when you know you’re not a sad story. You are alive. And you stand up and see the lights on the buildings and everything that makes you wonder. And you’re listening to that song, on that drive with the people you love most in this world. And in this moment, I swear, we are infinite.” The Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012) dir. Stephen Chbosky

21.09.21

A highly productive day, ergo my place is a mess. I beg your pardon and offer thee books, post-haste, in lieu of a proper tribute.

My candle burns at both ends;

It will not last the night;

But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends—

It gives a lovely light! —Edna St. Vincent Millay

24.09.21

Miles: When will I know I’m ready?

Peter B: You won’t. It’s a leap of faith.

Still a bit of a mess, but that’s okay. I did what I needed to do, meaning I finished my English assignment, went to my linguistics class, and took a nap. I’ve got a lot planned for studying over the weekend, but I deserved a break today.

Peter B: How do I know I’m not gonna mess it up again?

Miles: You won’t.

Peter B: Right. It’s a leap of faith.

Not to be furiously antimodern but like. Existence has meaning