Guys, I Had This Dumb Hypothesis At 5:00 A.m.

Guys, I had this dumb hypothesis at 5:00 a.m.

FNAF is just Vaporwave: The Video Game Series.

Hear me out.

Vaporwave may be known for its weird environments and use of pop culture/products from the 1970s-2000s, but it has a satirical edge. Vaporwave often focuses on motifs of soullessness and false grandeur to poke fun at capitalism and consumerism.

What about FNAF?

The weirdness has always been there with the hallucinations/Easter eggs (Golden Freddy, secret death screens, etc.), even if the environments aside from the Pizzaplex don't lean too hard into the 80s aesthetic. The characters do, though. ShowBiz Pizza Place, which operated between 1980 and 1992, was known for featuring a group of animatronic animal characters. Chuck E. Cheese's Pizza Time Theatre followed suit in 1981. The FNAF crew may not be entirely realistic, but their theme fits right into this relic of the 80s.

Then there's Fazbear Entertainment. Fazbear Entertainment was greedy from the start, paying Mike minimum wage to fight for his life with limited electricity and no access to the restrooms. Help Wanted kicks it up a notch by having the company actively try to cover up the murders that have happened at their restaurants, and Security Breach bumps it up to cartoonish levels. VIP-only fire escape? Needing a pass to enter the building, then one to enter the atrium, then one to visit one of the attractions? Only selling Faz Cams in Monty Golf, where flash photography is banned, just so you can confiscate them and sell them again? Fazbear Entertainment might just be run by Mammon.

Let's not forget about the soullessness and false grandeur. The FNAF 2 location, for example, looks all shiny and kid-friendly, but the employees can't even be bothered to fix Mangle anymore. Some people believe that the bodies from the SAVE THEM minigame may be hidden just out of view of the cameras, too. FNAF 3? Fazbear's Fright capitalizes on the rumors of the murders and hauntings instead of treating the matter with respect. Sister Location? Shiny and futuristic animatronics, but there isn't even a pizzeria. It's just a dark, empty warehouse. Security Breach? The Pizzaplex is basically a monument to Fazbear Entertainment's properties and profits--four stories of neon lights and wall-to-wall Freddy Fazbear. There's also a room perpetually on fire, a slew of generic S.T.A.F.F. bots in place of actual employees, and a mountain of forever-ignored complaints. They aren't hiding anything. They're too rich to care.

In short, FNAF features strange imagery and characters reminiscent of 80s pop culture. It also heavily criticizes corporatism through its story and darker humor. If that isn't vaporwave, then...well...it isn't vaporwave. I just kinda wasted my time. But this was still fun to pick apart.

I'm in an eternal state of Donnie myself.

I’d like to think I’m sorry but I’m not in the slightest

Next-Level Brain Rot

I had a dream last night that there was some kind of upcoming crossover between ROTTMNT and FNAF, and that Funko was releasing promotional Mystery Minis for it. Details I remember:

The animatronics were from multiple games in the FNAF series, but the only one I can clearly recall is Classic Freddy.

The minis were done in a similar style to Funko Pops.

Donnie was the rarest of the turtles (1/72), followed by Mikey (1/36, and a Target exclusive for some reason). Raph was very common (1/6), as was Leo (1/9, which isn't a multiple of 1/6, but he's always been a bit extra).

You could get individual boxes or three-box bundles.

Little accessories (like clear purple goggles for Donnie or slices of pizza) were included in each of the bundles.

In my quest to get Donnie, I somehow wound up with all the other turtles.

I might have to draw some crossover artwork now.

Incorrect Quotes Generator Shenanigans: Part 14

Mikey: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal, that's where the blood's supposed to be!

~

Big Mama: What are you two arguing about this time? Draxum: He's always using common phrases incorrectly! Splinter: Cry me a table, Draxum.

~

Leo: Hey, wanna help me commit arson? Casey II: What the hell!? Leo: Oh, sorry, my bad. Leo, whispering: Wanna help me commit arson? Casey II, whispering: Of course. What do you need?

~

Raph: *gets set on fire and screams in agony* Raph: Nah, I’m just kidding. Fire does nothing to me.

~

Ghost Bear: Albearto, we're hungry! Hypno: Albearto! What's for dinner? Warren: We're hungry, Albearto! Albearto, frying a bottle of ketchup over the stove: *screams*

~

Kendra: Is Donnie always like this when they lose? Jase: Oh, yes. You should've been there for the Great Jenga Tantrum of 2015. Donnie: You bumped that table and you know it!

~

April: Welcome to my very first vlog, in which I try different hair products! April: *sprays hairspray in her mouth* April: Well, right off the bat I can tell you this one is not very good.

We're having a bit of a snow day at my school tomorrow, and this was all I could think of.

The brain rot is real, and I love these idiots way too much.

Original Incorrect Quotes Shenanigans: Back to School Edition

I don't wanna go back to school, but classes start again this week, so I have to... Maybe this will motivate me a little. Like my other original incorrect quotes stuff, these are based on things that I have experienced in real life. Enjoy. :)

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Splinter: Good morning, everyone. For today's lesson, we have-- Leo: *rides in on a scooter board he "borrowed" from the gym* Splinter: Leo: Leo: ...Hey.

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April: Okay, guys, we need to focus if we're all gonna pass this test. Let's get to studying. Donnie, 5 minutes later: Hey, check this out. I found a personality quiz telling you which U.S. president you'd be. [The entire class rushes to take this quiz, derailing the study session for the rest of the allotted time.]

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Voice over the gymnasium speaker: The FitnessGram Pacer test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin... ~ Mikey: *collapses onto the floor after about ten laps* Raph: *still Naruto running across the gym after fifty laps* Mikey: ...Showoff... :p

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Draxum: To demonstrate just how easily diseases can spread, we're going to do a short experiment. As you can see, each of you has been given a vial. One of them is "diseased" with a chemical that will turn pink upon testing. You must share the contents of your vial with three others. Any questions? No? Then get to it. Mikey: TURTLE SWAP GO!!! [All the turtles share their vials' contents with each other. Somehow, none of them get "infected."] Draxum: ...Okay, how?

~

Leo, on his third can of Bang Energy in half an hour: *bobbing his leg up and down at record speed* Whoo! Man, I feel alive! Big Mama: ...Leo, do you need to go see the nurse? Leo: Nah, I'm cool! Never better! I'll be fine! Big Mama: ...O...kay... *takes a sip of coffee* Anyway, on to the War of 1812--

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[During a mini chess tournament in their Spanish class] Casey II: *captura una de las torres de Donnie usando su reina, poniéndola en frente de la reina de Donnie* Aha! Donnie, sin emoción: *usa su reina para capturar a la reina de Casey II* Casey II: ...Oh. ଵ˛̼ଵ

~

Raph, after injecting a sea urchin with some kind of chemical to make it release its sperm/eggs: *curled up on the floor, shaking a bit* I think I hurt it... I mean, it's gonna die anyway, but I think the needle hurt it... April: Hey, it's gonna be okay. It's gonna be fine, and you're gonna be fine, okay? Draxum: *approaches, only to examine the sea urchin* Wow, look at it go! You two must have some kind of super-male! *leaves without doing anything else* April: Pfft-- Raph: WHAT WAS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!