Charles: God, There Are So Many Bloody Ways You Can Fuck Up Children!

Charles: God, there are so many bloody ways you can fuck up children!

Erik: At least we didn’t overpraise our kids.

Charles: . . .

Erik: Right?

Charles: . . . r i g h t . . .

Lorna: Alright. It’s hard to keep track of who’s marrying who and who’s adopting who, so to keep things simple, I made a family tree. | Lorna: *holds up a paper with a bunch of scribbles on it. | Lorna: Alright, Peter, you are my wife. | Lorna: Oh sorry, I made a mistake. | | Lorna: I spelled ‘disappointment to the entire family’ as ‘wife’

Peter: A common mistake, it should be D.T.T.E.F.

Luna: I don’t think Ocko is a disappointment! I’m part of the family! He’s not a disappointment, right Dad?

Scott: Sweetie, yesterday we had to remind him how to work a flashlight, while he was grading physics homework. He’s smart, but he is a disappointment.  Peter: Exactly, Miláčik.

Jean: So, what gives? We haven’t seen either of you at work since you adopted John.

Scott: Being a DILF is a full time job, Jean.

Pietro: God, please just say parenting!

Ororo: Wow, I didn’t know that you’re bi.

Scott: What? Just because I wear flannel I’m bi?

Ororo: That’s not what–

Scott: Just because I like making weird voices and my own sound effects when telling a story?

Alex: No one thinks–

Scott: Just because I cry while watching Queer Eye?

Ororo: We get it, you’re not–

Scott: Just because I slept with Pietro a couple of times that makes me bi!

Alex: Fine, you’ve made your–

Alex: Wait, what?!

Scott: Just because I use hair products and can’t sit in a chair properly?

Ororo: No, go back to that last part.

Scott: Guys, this is my boyfriend. Pietro, these are my friends.

Pietro: Why are they looking at me that way?

Jubilee: Scott acts as sort of a dad for the group. Emotionally, this is like being told that you’re our new mom.

Pietro: You know it is not like that at all, right?

Kurt: Absolutely, do you cook macaroni?

Pietro: Do I have something on my face?

Scott: What?

Pietro: You have been staring at me for at least ten minutes.

Scott: Oh, uh, no. There’s nothing on your face.

Pietro: Then why are you staring at me?

Scott: Honestly?

Pietro: Yes.

Scott: I just really want to play with your hair.