Proffesor X - Tumblr Posts

Completely random headcanons that make no sense and are completely out of character for (movie) X-Men characters :

(If it's just the character then it's probably from the old timeline, aka the first movie, X2, The Last Stand, all that jazz.)

First Class Proffesor X - Once got so drunk that he made out with his reflection, yes he used the mutant pick up line on himself, he couldn't read anyone's mind for a week because all anyone could think about was that

First Class/During Days Of Future Past Magneto - Decked the shit out of a human kid once because they talked some shit and he doesn't feel bad about it to this day

Post Days Of Future Past Iceman - He naturally gets compared to Elsa after the movie comes out, it haunts him because one of the kids convinced him to dress up as her for halloween.

X2 Rogue - Because of her mutation and what happened in the first movie, she gets really bad anxiety about not wearing gloves, she can't even stay in the same room as someone with them off

Storm - Sometimes her hair gets all static when she's thinking about things and if you touch her when she's mad you'll get a shock, the kids like to rub balloons on her hair and stick them to walls when it happens.

Wolverine - Prefers crunchy food, whenever he eats anything soft he cringes and instinctively spits it out, may or may not have spat in someone's face, scott but that was probably on purpose, once or twice or three times.

First Class Mystique - Sometimes she turns into people she doesn't like and mockingly impersonates them in the mirror, she also uses it to practice her acting but overall it's just to make them look dumb

X2 Pyro - He has a staring problem, you can't call him out on it either because he just acts like he has no fucking clue what you're talking about

First Class Beast - He tried to shave his facial hair off after his serum backfired and had to wear a cone on his head for about a week

Apocalypse Jean Grey - When she's bored she'll grab a random object and just spin it around with her mutation, sometimes people have walked in unexpectedly and got hit in the face by a book or cup

Cyclops - Bites into celery fucking raw he doesn't even wash that shit

Days Of Future Past Quicksilver - He forgets that sometimes he shouldn't use his mutation in front of others, but he's usually so fast nobody notices besides the sudden gust of wind

Charles: You have to pick your battles.

Scott: One of the battles that we picked was to stop Luna and Nathan from running plastic tubes all over the manor and placing hamsters inside of them.

Pietro: They were gonna call it Tube City.

Scott: We prevented a murder today.

Charles: Wow really? I’m so proud of you two! How?

Pietro: Self-control.

Raven: What’s the best way to kill somebody?

Charles: Kindness!

Erik: If we’re being stealthy, then potassium cyanide. Otherwise anything from a knife to a bazooka works.

Scott: Oh fuck!

Peter: Not again.

Channel 4: “-and in other news, the mutant Magneto was spotted at an elementary school in Westchester County with Professor Charles Xavier. When asked for comment, he said ‘F—— off, we’re trying to enjoy grandparent’s day lunch.’”

Peter: I need to go call the school.

Scott: Hush, they’re saying something else.

Channel 4: “When asked who their grandchildren were, Xavier gestured vaguely and said ‘Most of them.’”

Erik: ARE YOU-

Scott: Fucking

Erik: -KIDDING ME?

Peter: …what was that?

Scott: Charles banned Erik from swearing for a week, so I volunteered to help him out.

Peter: I think you just like saying fuck.

Scott: That doesn’t make my job any less important.

Charles: Are you sure you aren’t dating Scott?

Peter: If I am, I certainly wasn’t informed of it.

Jean: To be fair, if any of us were dating someone without realizing it, it would be you.

Charles: I’m so glad you’re teaching the children computer science, I’m sure it’s a very intellectual experience.

Peter: *nodding sagely* Only the best for the students at Xavier’s School For Gifted Youngsters.

Scott:*Thinking about how for the final project Peter told the kids to make movie scenes about Charles and Erik using a box of restricted tapes* Of course, the kids deserve the world.

Bonus:

Peter: Do you want to see my favorite submission?

Scott:*already laughing* Yes!

Peter: Behold “Watch What Happens, Bitch” by Jean-Paul Beaubier.

Erik: Ah, I see that you are having the annual “everyone thinks Erik is a lunatic” meeting.

Charles: It’s biannual, and no, not that one.

Jean: This is the monthly “are Scott and Peter fucking or do they just play really loud video games” meeting.

Moira: *In a relationship with Charles* Hey kids, I—

Peter: Excuse me, who the fuck. I’m not your son.

Jean: What are you doing here?!

Moira: O-okay,-

Jean: DAAAD!

Charles: *Walking in the room* What?

Peter: Who the fuck is this?!

Jean: Did you and papa break up again?

Moira:

Charles: Children, this is my girlf—

Peter: I’m going to Scott’s.

Charles: No.

Jean: Fine. Peter, we’re going to Papa’s.

Charles: Don’t go to Erik!

Peter: WE’RE ALREADY OUT THE FUCKING DOOR!!!

Moira:

Charles: I’m so sorry.

Peter:*t-posing in the hallway* Good morning, parental figure.

Charles: *not looking up from his book* Good morning, problem child.

Charles: I payed forty fucking dollars for this haunted house, so someone better die.

Scott: I nominate Pietro.

Pietro: Nope. You’re my partner, so I have legal rights to push you and run if I get attacked.

Charles: For the love of god, Scott!

Scott: I didn’t do anything!

Charles: Stop thinking about fucking my son when I’m in the room!

Charles: Somebody told me that non-binary people don’t exist, but I found this thing in my closet…

Raven: I like knives.

Charles: I’m sorry, are you friends with this criminal?

Scott: No, not really.

Peter: Absolutely, best friends.

Scott: It’s a layered relationship.

Peter: Best friends!

Charles: God, there are so many bloody ways you can fuck up children!

Erik: At least we didn’t overpraise our kids.

Charles: . . .

Erik: Right?

Charles: . . . r i g h t . . .

Scott: I really need to start dating again.

Charles: Based on your last ten thousand comments, your ideal partner would be Jean’s head on Pietro’s body.

Scott: Or vice versa!

Peter: Uh, Charles?

Peter: Are we allowed to have sleepovers?

Charles: . . .

Charles: Peter, you’re twenty six. 

Peter: Is that a no?

Charles: You’re a grown man, you can make your own decisions.

Peter: Team sleepover!

Scott: Yas!

Jean: Yas!

Jubilee: Yas!

Ororo: Yas!

Erik: Who wants to make five dollars?

Jean: How?

Erik: I need someone to take the fall.

Charles: *distantly* Oh my god!

Lorna: What did you do?!

Erik: I can’t tell you. Yes or no, no questions asked.

Wanda: Why can’t you–

Charles: OH MY GOD!!

Pietro: Make it ten.

Erik: Done!

Charles: OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!

Erik: You’re a good son.

Erik: *dragging Pietro out by the ear* I GOT HIM, DARLING! DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT!

Charles: Name?

Scott: Scott Summers.

Charles: Sex?

Scott: . . .

Scott: Frequent?

Charles: No, which. Male, female, or–

Scott: Doesn’t matter. Both. Male and female. Sometimes together.

Jean: Just kill me now.