Scott: Im Giving Up Alcohol For A Month.

Scott: I’m giving up alcohol for a month.

Pietro: Really? Good luck!

Scott: Oh, that came out wrong. I’m giving up. Alcohol for a month.

Pietro: Wanda? I . . . I am attracted to men as well as women, I am attracted to everyone.

Wanda: I am aware.

Pietro: I am dating Scott Summers.

Wanda: . . .

Wanda:

Scott: I am a simple person.

Scott: I enter the kitchen. I eat four servings of soup. I leave.

John: Technically if you eat them all at once it’s one serving!

Scott: . . .

Scott: I like the way you think, Kid.

Pietro: NO!

X-Men as The Onion headlines:

Lorna: Alright. It’s hard to keep track of who’s marrying who and who’s adopting who, so to keep things simple, I made a family tree. | Lorna: *holds up a paper with a bunch of scribbles on it. | Lorna: Alright, Peter, you are my wife. | Lorna: Oh sorry, I made a mistake. | | Lorna: I spelled ‘disappointment to the entire family’ as ‘wife’

Peter: A common mistake, it should be D.T.T.E.F.

Luna: I don’t think Ocko is a disappointment! I’m part of the family! He’s not a disappointment, right Dad?

Scott: Sweetie, yesterday we had to remind him how to work a flashlight, while he was grading physics homework. He’s smart, but he is a disappointment.  Peter: Exactly, Miláčik.

Jean: Jubilee’s chapstick tastes real nice.

Scott: You two kissed?

Jean: What! No-

Jubilee: She ate it.

Jean: *facepalms*