Humanity Has Finally Found A Way To Communicate With Crabs, We Realize They're Smarter Than Us. Now That

Humanity has finally found a way to communicate with crabs, we realize they're smarter than us. Now that they know we know, what are they going to do?

It starts slowly, the crabs begin to make their way into the cities. They order at our restaurants, shop in our clothing stores, attend our schools, and constantly complain that no accommodations have been made for them. Soon, there are crab rallies, a whole movement for crab civil rights, an entire political party forms that is solely made of crabs. They apply for crab jobs, run crab businesses, bills are passed to stop crab fishing. Eventually, they infiltrate the government; crabs have taken over. For their crimes against crabs, humans are banished to the ocean, where they will later evolve into mermaids and declare war on Crab Nation.

Jack: But what about Peggy?

Daniel: Don’t worry about her.

Daniel: I once watched her fall down 5 flights of stairs, stand up, and keep eating her hotdog like nothing happened.

SHORTENED HARRY POTTER AND THE CURSED CHILD MADE SCORBUS CANON (THESE ARE ALL SPECIFIC SCRIPT CHANGES AND ADDITIONS NOT ACTING CHOICES WHICH ALSO ADDED TO THE WHOLE THING) DETAILS:

SCORPIUS HAD HIS OWN REALIZATION AND SAID ALOUD I'M DOING THIS FOR ALBUS INSTEAD OF SNAPE SUGGESTING IT IN THE PATRONUS SCENE

AS OPPOSED TO SNAPE SUGGESTING HE WAS GIVING THINGS UP FOR ALBUS AND THEN SCORPIUS TALKING ABOUT THE WORLD HE SIMPLY SAYS THAT HE IS DOING IT FOR ALBUS

WHEN DELPHI WAS TORTURING SCORPIUS WITH CRUCIO SHE CALLED ALBUS' WEAKNESS LOVE NOT FRIENDSHIP, SHE LOOKED DIRECTLY AT SCORPIUS AND SAID "LOVE"

SHE NO LONGER COMPARED IT TO HARRY OR EVEN NEEDED TO TEST IT IT WAS SIMPLY THAT SHE KNEW AND IMMEDIATELY WENT TO SCORPIUS AND THEN CALLED ALBUS'S FEELINGS FOR HIM LOVE

WHEN DELPHI REFERRED TO SCORPIUS WITH ALBUS SHE PAUSED BEFORE CALLING HIM A FRIEND LIKE TRULY LONG HESITATED

IN THE CHURCH SCENE WHEN ALBUS MENTIONS TO GINNY THAT HE LIKED DELPHI HE DOESN'T SAY "I REALLY LIKED HER" HE SAYS "AT LEAST I THINK I DID"

THEY CUT EVERY BIT OF DIALOGUE IN THE FINAL CONVERSATION WITH ALBUS AND SCORPIUS ABOUT GIRLFRIENDS AND LIKING WOMEN AND POLLY CHAPMAN AND ACROSS THE BOARD GENERALLY A LOT OF THE FORCED STRAIGHT CONTENT WAS GONE. EVERY LINE ABOUT ALBUSS GETTING A GIRLFRIEND IN THAT SCENE IS GONE

AFTER SCORPIUS IN THEORY ASKS OUT ROSE HE CALLS WHAT HE'S TRYING TO BUILD WITH HER A LOVE PALACE AND ALBUS SAYS ARE YOU SURE THAT'S THE PERSON YOU WANT TO BE BUILDING A LOVE PALACE WITH

AND SCORPIUS SAID "I THINK SO???"

ROSE NO LONGER DOES THE FLIRTY SCORPION THING SHE JUST TELLS SCORPIUS IT'S ONLY GOING TO BE WEIRD IF HE MAKES IT WEIRD AND THEN LOOKS AT ALBUS AND SAYS "YOU OKAY THERE ALBUS?"

THEY CUT THE PORTION OF SCORPIUS LINE "IN THIS NEW VERSION OF US "HE JUST ENDS THERE INSTEAD OF ADDING "I HAD IN MY HEAD", AND ALBUS NO LONGER BRINGS UP ROSE AGAIN AFTER

AND THEN THE MASTER OF ALL IN THE FINAL SCENE WITH ALBUS AND HARRY THERE IS A COMPLETELY NEW SECTION OF THE SCRIPT

WHERE ALBUS BRINGS UP SCORPIUS AND STUTTERS ABOUT HIM AND SAYS TO HARRY "SCORPIUS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN MY LIFE HE MIGHT ALWAYS BE THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN MY LIFE"

AND HE AND HARRY HAVE THIS MOMENT OF REALIZATION WITH EACH OTHER AND HARRY SAYS "IF HE'S GOING TO BE THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN YOUR LIFE I THINK THAT'S A VERY GOOD THING"

AND THEN GOES "I REALLY LIKE HIM"

LIKE WHOLEHEARTED FATHER GIVING HIS QUEER SON APPROVAL FOR THE GUY HE'S INTO

ANYWAY THAT'S ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT NOW. CONGRATULATIONS EVERYONE WE DID IT WE WON

Daniel: When we found Peggy, it was like an angelic choir singing down from heaven.

Daniel: We found Jack wandering outside a Walmart at two am.

Jack: So… I’ve seen you’ve been spending a lot of time with Peggy recently.

Daniel: No, Jack, it’s not what it looks like, I swear.

Jack: Oh really? So no reason for me to be jealous?

Daniel: No! You’re the only one for me.

Jack: Is that so?

Daniel: I promise! Peggy and I are just dating, okay? She’s my girlfriend.

Jack: So there are no best-friends-feelings involved?

Daniel: You are still my one and only best friend! She’s just the love of my life, nothing more?

Jack: But I’m still the platonic love of your life, right?

Daniel: Of course bro!

Jack: Bro…

Peggy: What the-

He’s a 10 but he repressed his emotions and flees the country the moment things get serious.

He's a 10 but he thinks a turkey is going to make him atone.