You Know The Teacher Everyone Had A Crush On? It Was Lupin For Hogwarts. Girls, Boys, Everyone In Between

You know the teacher everyone had a crush on? It was Lupin for Hogwarts. Girls, boys, everyone in between and everyone outside of the in between. Every. Single. Student. simped for Professor Lupin. He came back for the Battle of Hogwarts and suddenly all of the NEW students also simped for him. Even Percy Weasley wanted him.

Everyone wanted him when he was a student, and everyone wanted him when he was a teacher. And the best part? He never slept with any of his students. Hell, he didn't even realize everyone was in love with him until Pomfrey and Minnie pointed it out, and by then it was almost the end of the year.

You know the hypothetical of 'What if you were in a room with every person who ever masturbated to you'? For Remus, we'd need three football stadiums. Anyone who saw him fell for him.

IDFK man I just like Casanova!Remus. And concerned Poppy and Minnie. Like, "Hey, kiddo, you're gonna hurt yourself if you keep fucking any dude in your age group"

And he's like "DILLIGAF"

I thought he was 8'5 for some reason. He doesn't have the metal arms and legs, so he'd only be about 7 lbs underweight

TW: EDs, discussion of weight, discussion of starvation, discussion of BMI. Stay safe out there bestie

So reportedly, SCP-073 is 6'0 and about 165 lbs. Why does this need to be posted?

Do you know how much metal weighs? Having metal arms and legs would make the absolute lowest weight of a healthy 6'0 male AT LEAST 300 LBS.

We could say that the metal isn't all that heavy, but for it to be functional at all (And it IS) it would still need to up his healthy weight range to at least 200 lbs, probably closer to 250.

*Violently shakes kin* ARE YOU OK? DO YOU NEED A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL?

We're going to use a BMI calculator to figure this out. We'll say that he's 7'0 because to be in a healthy weight range you must be at least 225 lbs if you are 7', and we assume that eh would also need to be in that range.

That would put his BMI at 16.4. This is considered dangerously low, and while his anomalous properties do allow him to be immortal, that doesn't mean that being in a state of starvation with no chance of turning down your metabolism to keep you stable won't have consequences. Quantity of life isn't quality of life.

All I'm saying is someone should check on this magnificent bastard.

I suddenly made a lot of connections in a very short amount of time so I'm here to tell you about it.

In Harry Potter, lycanthropy is a kind of metaphor for HIV/AIDS.

Fenrir Greyback gave it to Remus Lupin when Rem was FIVE.

We just completely overlook that Lupin wasn’t a ‘Casanova’, he was a CSA victim coping badly

Why can't I be happy? And why have all of my comfort characters been hurt so badly? Like, without fail. All of them.

Glass: Well, there's no way your family could be THAT weird.

Bright:

I KNOW it isn't canon but Remus 'Casanova of Gryffindor Tower' Lupin was not ONLY the Casanova of Gryffindor Tower, he was THE ENTIRE SCHOOL'S CASANOVA. The man wasn't just a slut for his own house. He'd make everyone swoon, and he'd get on his knees for 99.9% of the men and with a bit of convincing he might even be willing for the 0.1%. Ya man's a hoe.

Like-

Arthur Weasley: Apperantly muggles have this thing called a 'body count' where they count all the people they've had intercourse with!

James, now interested in the conversation: Does everyone know their body count? Can you name every person on it?

Marlene, with a dead straight face: Don't ask Remus that, we'll be here for days.

Also bc fkin trans Remus is my new favorite thing, this was the time in which trans people were most accepted at Hogwarts, because everyone wanted Remus and if you were transphobic, you didn't have a chance.

I have an idea for a tiktok but I don't have the cosplay yet so I'm posting it here.

(In the amulet, the day Mikell becomes just another host)

Mikell Bright: Are we alone?

Jack Lumineaux, as that is what he has always been: For now. Maybe forever.

You wanna know a secret?

Adam thinks he made Bright, with all his rants and his hard won lessons. 'Excise your doubts, James!' 'Be what they fear, James!' Like everything was the same as when mom left.

But he didn't make Bright. You did.

(ALTERNATIVELY, in my Vyranoth redemption AU for Warcraft)

Sabellian wins and Wrathion runs away, then feels the need to prove that he isn't evil so he sacrifices himself to lock the Vault of the Incarnates with Iridikron's ghost inside. Between his vanishing and his reappearance, he goes to the Shadowlands and meets Malygos. They chat a bit, discover a bunch of similarities between themselves, and repair Malygos' view of the Black Dragons somewhat. Wrathion's first thought when the vault door closes is "I forgot to tell Mal where I was going" so that's why Vyra is talking about Mal.

Wrathion, locked in the Vault of the Incarnates: Are we alone?!

Vyranoth, in a visage that no one other than Malygos even knew she had: For now. Maybe forever.

Wanna know a secret?

Talonixia thought she made Malygos with all her rants and her hard won lessons. 'Excise your doubts, Mal!' 'Be what they fear, Mal!' Like everything was the same as when Galakrond taught her.

But she didn't make Mal.

Your father did.