Geralt: Is This Hell?

Geralt: Is this hell?

Regis: We’ve died so many times it might just be.

Geralt: Fine, fine. I’ll do it for you. You’re lucky you’re so pretty.

Dandelion: I know right? Imagine if I wasn’t; I’d have to actually use my brain or something.

Regis: You're asking about my money? And my castle? I may be a vampire but you're the real blood-sucker!

Geralt: I only ask for tax reasons.

Geralt: This is my partner. Please don't ask us about the blood thing. It's an invasive question.

Regis: Do you have to say that every time when you introduce me?

Geralt: It stops them from asking.

Regis: And tells them I'm a vampire!

Ciri: Hey, Dad? What are you doing?

Geralt: Having a bitch of a time trying to make this damn electric fireplace for your father. Why?

What your favourite Witcher ship says about you - Geralt edition

(non-Geralt ships here)

Geralt/Yennefer: you believe in the inherent eroticism of 👏 MEN 👏 GETTING 👏 PEGGED. 👏

Geralt/Triss: you just want good things for Triss which, from what I've seen, does not seem to be a universal sentiment.

Geralt/Triss/Yennefer: your indecisiveness can only be matched by your horniness.

Geralt/Yennefer/Dandelion: you think that "it's not gay if it's in a threeway" is FOR COWARDS.

Geralt/Shani: your favourite romantic trope is "Person A gets hurt and Person B patches them up while lovingly scolding them for not being careful."

Geralt/Dandelion: you've gotten into at least three (3) heated Internet arguments about Geralt's status as a bottom.

Geralt/Eskel: your favourite relationship dynamic is two guys being dudes. Just two dudes being bros.

Geralt/Lambert: you believe that affectionately roasting each other is a love language.

Geralt/Emhyr: I can't tell for sure if you want to fuck dads, but you definitely want to fuck father figures.

Geralt/Regis: this is just the same joke as Geralt/Shani except you're also a monsterfucker.

Geralt/Dettlaff: your addiction to angsty brooding bastards has gotten so bad that one day you went "you know what's better than one angsty broody bastard? Two angsty broody bastards!"

Geralt/Dettlaff/Regis: you just want good things for Regis. And really, who wouldn't?

Geralt/Roche: your favourite relationship dynamic is "two bros, chilling in a hot tub, five feet apart cause they're not gay."

Geralt/Iorveth: your ideal date involves throwing bricks at cops.

Geralt/Gaunter O'Dimm: you had a crush on Bill Cipher which never truly went away.

Geralt/Olgierd: you believe in the inherent eroticism of flashy and vaguely homoerotic swordfights.

Geralt/Eredin: you're horny for Eredin.

Geralt/Vlodimir: your ideal relationship is the plot of the movie "Venom."

Geralt/Fringilla: you...

... are heterosexual.